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Movies That Messed Me Up: 'Poltergeist II: The Other Side' Gave Me A Healthy Fear Of Old Dudes And Life In General

By Jodi Clager | Miscellaneous | February 13, 2014 | Comments ()


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My Mom has owned up to her role in the Howard the Duck viewing marathon that warped my itty bitty mind. She does insist that my Uncle Donnie and Aunt Jeni were responsible for allowing me to view Poltergeist II and she was perturbed with them for it. I can remember the movie and the horrible effect it had on me, but not the circumstances under which I saw the movie. Brains are funny like that. So we’re going with Mom’s version of events and absolving her of any wrong-doing. This time. (Love you, Mom!)

Poltergeist II was released when I was seven years old. I’m doubting that I was that young when I watched it, but who can remember these sorts of things? All I know is that I was far too young and was quite traumatized from it. I learned to never ever play in the front yard, because an old man that looks like a corpse might approach you and make it rain while singing some creepy Jesus tune.

If you drink from a glass bottle and don’t check it first, there is probably something terrifying and gross hiding in it. You will most likely vomit a horrible corpse-man monster that will try to murder you and steal your daughter. This scene made me terrified to drink Pepsi from glass bottles for a very long time because I couldn’t check it for Satan worms. (Yes, I’m terribly old.)

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teqworm2.jpg

Native Americans are magical, have amazing pieces of life advice, and can assist you in situations involving Beasts. This was mind-blowing to me, as my grandparents had Native American neighbors that were very nice people, but I never got a heartfelt warrior speech from them. I kept waiting for the magic to happen, but it never did. It was bullshit.

One day, you will be psychic. You just need to wait for your parents to die, a tiny fellow psychic to hand you a photo, and for Hell to descend upon your daughter. It’s a pretty sweet deal.

Poltergeist II let me know that my unfortunately crooked teeth would have me in braces that would murder me the first chance they got. I spent lots of time willing my teeth to straighten on their own or attempting to push them into their proper spot so I could avoid death by sentient wires.

If you get a water leak in your house and it causes your toy phone to ring, YOU BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT. NEVER ANSWER IT. In fact, just throw that toy phone away, Tiny Jodi. YOU THROW AWAY ALL TOYS THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE USED AS A CONDUIT TO A NETHERWORLD.

In the end, you can outrun the Beast with the help of psychic, shamans, and your dead grandmother. Only for a short while, though….

…so just give up and let the Beast take you and save yourself some trouble.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Mentalcase

    I saw this one many times between the ages of 10-12. I had pretty strict parents so I'm not clear how this happened. HBO I guess. That worm/mouth monster ruined many meals for me. Gads.

  • loo shag brolley

    Salem's Lot. I haven't seen it since it originally aired in 1979 and to this day, I still will not have my bed face a window. Even googling it to get a reference photo gave me the wiggins and now want my mommy.

  • ViciousTrollop

    I read NOS4A2 by Joe Hill recently and the creepy old dude is exactly how I pictured Charlie Manx.

  • BobbFrapples

    This entire series shaped my nightmares as a kid. Ah, fond memories thanks to my grandparents bootlegging HBO.

  • glittergirl1970

    Rev. Kane was played by Julian Beck, who was actually dying of stomach cancer during filming. He was only 60, but he literally looks like ancient death.

  • Mel C.

    Which one is it where the little girl is walking through a parking deck and gets sucked into the other world through a puddle? That freaked me the hell out.

  • Bea Pants

    I'm pretty sure that's party 3. They played that one repeatedly on cable one summer when I was a kid. As a result I have seen it about a billion times. Party one, only once and never party two.

  • Skyler Durden

    :-( This movie really, really messed me up. I was 11, and I can still see that vomit monster thing. Not in a cool "remember when" way, but in a "that's not funny" way. I'm actually kind of upset that you even brought it up.

  • emmelemm

    I'm just now realizing that I have never seen Poltergeist 2. The original, yes, many times, and I've seen 3 - if that's the one in a high-rise apartment building and with Lara Flynn Boyle. (I guess I thought that was 2 - I didn't realize Craig T. Nelson and JoBeth Williams came back for another round.)

    How did I miss this, is what I'm saying.

  • Amy Mace

    Hahaha at that screencap.

    I binge-watched Poltergeist (the first one) from the age of three on. My mother was a teenager when she had me, so there's that. Apart from the clown doll, the face-picking scene, and the swimming pool(, and, and, and...), it didn't traumatize me at all. I loved it!

  • lmtj

    Product of teen parents myself, and I saw things on TV as young child that I won't even torture myself with as an adult(Faces of Death, anyone. "Just cover your eyes.") Finally, someone else gets it too.

  • thebeardedlady

    Not only did my Dad let me watch this when I was about 8 or so, he still sings the creepy Kane song to this day and will sometimes say the "let me in" speech if I don't open a door fast enough.

  • meadowdancer

    I had nightmares from poltergeist I and II for years. Freaking clowns!

  • Wigamer

    "God is iinnnnn his holy tem-pul" *shudder*

  • BarbadoSlim

    We are doing this?

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