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Bedtime Stories Shouldn't Make Me Want to Do Such Dirty Things

By Seth Freilich | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (23)

alice-tea-party.jpg

I recently quit watching “Weeds” after I came to the realization that it was neither making me laugh nor otherwise entertaining me anymore. And this is sad, because I don’t want Mary-Louise Parker out of my life (just in a form that isn’t an entirely irredeemable see ya’ next Tuesday).

Along comes Esquire Magazine, however, to save the day for me. The blurb over on their video site suggests we’ll be getting more of these videos, of hot ladies reading excerpts from bedtime stories, and I for one do not object.







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Comments

Uh, cute, but is the book upside-down?

Posted by: replica at July 13, 2009 7:39 PM

Didn't she recently complain about being neeeked in Season 4 of Weeds? Now she's showing her Lilly all over the damn place.

Posted by: Heather! at July 13, 2009 7:49 PM

Hamana Hamana Hamana
*Eyes Bug Out* AAA-OOOOGA!
*Wolf Whistle*

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 13, 2009 7:51 PM

Gentlemen, you may have your near naked Mary-Louise Parker reading a bedtime story, I demand a little bedtime fun for the ladies as well! I don't think we even need the visual, an audio file will suffice. Gerard Butler perhaps? A little Tim Roth? Leiv Schriber? To have either of these men read me a bedtime story would be heavenly! Although to be honest, sleep would likely be the last thing on my mind.

Posted by: Eyvi at July 13, 2009 8:39 PM

replica, you are indeed correct. that is one upside down book. you'd think someone would've noticed that.

Posted by: lizzieborden at July 13, 2009 8:41 PM

Um, "ready to be put down"?! I may be showered and powdered, but I am certainly NOT ready to be lethally injected, thank you very much!

I'm not so into the MLP. My brother-in-law loves her though. Almost died when he met her at the Tonys.

Hm, who'd I like to read me a sexy bedtime story? JGL. Or maybe Adrien Brody... my super crush on him has recently been renewed for some reason.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 13, 2009 8:56 PM

You know, I kinda like that at age 45 she seems to be doing much better than I remember her doing in her 'prime'. But all this 'hotting up' and all...I can clearly see it's working, but I can't tell if it's her, or if it's a great publicist driving that notion.

She's lovely, sure, but she's also older than Megan Fox (that scurrilous example is of 'hot' only, not so much talent or appeal). I really hope the older woman is cool all of a sudden. I'm getting nervous here!

Posted by: replica at July 13, 2009 9:15 PM

You know what I'd like? I'd like some equal time with some sexy men rolling around in bed.

You know what else I'd like? I'd like to see the motherfucking "Most Bangable" results.

WHERE ARE THEY, PAJIBA?

WHERE ARE THEY?

Posted by: Jerce at July 13, 2009 9:42 PM

Didn't she recently complain about being neeeked in Season 4 of Weeds?

No, not really.

Posted by: Jay at July 13, 2009 10:11 PM

Here, here, Jerce.

Posted by: Kate at July 13, 2009 10:11 PM

Fine, fine. I'll post the video tomorrow.

Besides that, I am experiencing some tightness in the pantle region.

Posted by: admin at July 13, 2009 10:14 PM

No apron? Bah.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 14, 2009 12:11 AM

I'm with Eyvi. Where's our Gerard Butler Story Hour (In the Original Scottish)?

Jerce: it's going up on Thursday. eeeee!

Posted by: figgy at July 14, 2009 1:11 AM

This just reinforces the idea that you're all fucking whiny mama's boys who wouldn't know what to do with a sexy and experienced woman if she bit you on the ass. A goddamn BEDTIME STORY, little man?

Puh-lease. (The puh-lease accompanies the request for a Liev Shrieber audio file in the same vein).

Posted by: TryScience at July 14, 2009 1:41 AM

Yeah, the upside-down book kinda ruins the effect for me.
I mean, she's cute, but... well, there is no butt.
If you want me to focus on the sexy, then ya gotta bring the hips and butt. Homey don't play petite (except in a couple of exceptional, acceptable instances).
Girl's gotta have some W I D E curves to attract this guy.
Otherwise, all I'm gonna notice is that your holding your book upside-down, sweetie.

Posted by: Rykker at July 14, 2009 6:56 AM

I'm sure MLP's gonna start sucking down the protein shakes to fix that for you, Rykker. As we type, she's going on the Chocolate Cake Diet perfected by Renee Zellwegger back in her Bridget Jones days... ALL FOR YOU.

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at July 14, 2009 8:32 AM

I know everyone is going to disagree with me , but I hate this crap. She is a great actress but all of a sudden she has to do things like this, the need to be sexy to be viable. It seems desperate to suddenly be showing your goodies all around town. I didn't find it sexy or alluring at all, but pandering to men. By all means be a sexy strong woman, but bedtime stories, sheesh. Its kinda creepy.

Posted by: schmally at July 14, 2009 9:41 AM

Here, have some Jimmy McNulty reading Pride and Prejudice:

http://www.cartenoire.co.uk/pride-and-prejudice

Also, am I the only person who didn't realize he was British? Stringer too, apparently. They're blowing my mind.

Posted by: jess at July 14, 2009 9:48 AM

Thanks for that link, Jess... though I think I might prefer to hear him read Lady Chatterly's Lover. Oh, wait, that's also available. Eeeee!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 14, 2009 10:02 AM

Well, there's no rolling around on the bed but...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yznxn1unEI0

Posted by: ninety at July 14, 2009 2:16 PM

Does anybody else think that bear is fucking scary?
Just me, huh?
(Oh, wait - you're all saying, 'what bear?', aren't you?)

Posted by: Tarn at July 14, 2009 4:32 PM

Jess,
thanks for that link!
I could watch those for hours. Not just West, but all of them. Mmmm.....

Posted by: Tarn at July 14, 2009 4:55 PM

First: Thank you, jess, for that Carte Noire link. I have bookmarked the site. Soon I'll be in my bunk.

Second: McNulty is BRITISH?! Stringer fucking Bell is BRITISH?! Mind: blown.

Posted by: Jerce at July 14, 2009 7:30 PM


















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