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Little Miss Muffet Sat on Her Tuffet

By | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (31)

Little Miss Muffet.jpg


Spiders get a bit of a bad rap. They don’t want to hurt anybody; they just want to go about their business like the rest of us. Go to work, come home, suck some liquidated insect guts and maybe play with the hundred kids for a while before going to bed and ignoring their partner’s pathetic attempts at intimacy. It’s not the spider’s fault that it has more legs than you or that it has to scuttle through your hair to reach its destination. I’m sure the spider would prefer not to have thousands of babies in that cupboard you haven’t looked in for some time. The spider is just doing what it does.

I believe that we need to be better educated regarding spider society, figure out what makes them tick as it were. I’m sure they’ve got a complex social structure that’s quite similar to our own and have the same dreams and aspirations. Let’s take the time to get to know the common wood spider so that we can all live in harmony.

Special thanks to Meaux for reminding me of this little gem.









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Comments

*The more you know!
{Shooting star}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at August 16, 2010 8:03 PM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her Irish Stew;
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And she ate him, too.

I like jumping spiders, actually, as they're perky, happy-go-lucky sorts with cute little bulging eyes. There's one (Pheidippus sp.) that looks like a little panda, all black and white fuzz with iridescent green on its face. High cute values there.

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 16, 2010 8:15 PM

Phidippus regius, to be exact for all you arachnophiles out there.

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 16, 2010 9:09 PM

I saw a rather large and amazing green and pink spider in the woods today. Come to think of it, he may have been the LSD spider....

Posted by: meaux at August 16, 2010 9:33 PM

When I was a little girl(try 2-3) with little brown ringlets and blue eyes, I apparently begged my mom for this large rubber toy spider ( practically as big as my head). I would carry that thing everywhere scare people with it. I was an odd little girl.

Posted by: Sar at August 16, 2010 9:43 PM

They're fine as long as they're out in the yard killing mosquitos and whatnot.

I mean, the outside is way bigger than the inside. Of my house. And there's piles more bugs to eat out there than there are in my house.

What I'm trying to get at, here, is: Stay the fuck out of my house. Or I'll kill you with poison and/or shoes.

Posted by: Jerce at August 16, 2010 9:44 PM

Posted by: Jerce at August 16, 2010 9:46 PM

I kind of expected, from the headline, that the post would go full on into some Andrew Dice Clay type shit, dirty nursery rhymes, etc.

Spiders and I have an uneasy peace. As long as they're not ON me, or within about two feet of me, we're cool. If they're actually on me, I may do a spastic dance and/or hyperventilate. Possibly shriek. In a girly way. But y'know, spiders got a right to live, man. They got rights to do spider things, eat other bugs, live their little spider lives... I'm a pacifist at heart.

Posted by: MM at August 16, 2010 10:05 PM

they just want to go about their business like the rest of us.

Bullshit. I know intention when I see it. What business do they have in my pants, I ask you? IN. MY. PANTS.

Lousy octo-fiends.

Posted by: Lauren at August 16, 2010 10:38 PM

I kind of expected, from the headline, that the post would go full on into some Andrew Dice Clay type shit, dirty nursery rhymes, etc.

I don't know why you would you would think that, MM. I consider this little piece of Pajiba above such juvenile and vulgar behaviour. Were all about culture and the broadening of horizons here at...what the fuck is this bitch called? Where are my pants?

Posted by: Robert Scott at August 16, 2010 10:52 PM

Lauren, perhaps the spiders were interested in: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferret_legging

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 16, 2010 11:01 PM

Posted by: Vi at August 16, 2010 11:01 PM

"When I was a little girl(try 2-3) with little brown ringlets and blue eyes, I apparently begged my mom for this large rubber toy spider ( practically as big as my head). I would carry that thing everywhere scare people with it. I was an odd little girl."

-Your last name isn't "Addams" by any chance?

Posted by: bleujayone at August 16, 2010 11:43 PM

Ha ha. And to think I used to fucking hate the real "Hinterland Who's Who" series (these are/were educational shorts shown on Canadian TV).

But seriously, I visited a farm outside Nashville years ago, and you haven't freaked until you're on the big white phone trying to grunt one out and a (poisonous) brown recluse spider starts heading in your direction across the floor. I took off one of my sneakers and sent that hairy ugly fucker to spider hell. The girl I was visiting said that was a cruel thing to do and that the spider "was more scared of me... yada yada yada", but I saw the murderous glint in its eye. It was going to kill me and eat my corpse, I know it.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 17, 2010 12:45 AM

until you're on the big white phone trying to grunt one out

I'm just a naive country girl... ok, maybe if I was more of a country girl I'd know what you were talking about... I'm just a sheltered big-city babe lost in the woods... what EXACTLY does a "big white phone" have to do with "grunting one out"?

Anyway, more on topic: my mom got fucked up by a brown recluse spider when she was a little girl. Her whole arm swole up real big 'n stuff. (So I've heard.) She still has a bit of a scar. Murderous glint, indeed.

Posted by: MM at August 17, 2010 1:14 AM

The "big white phone" is a (usually drunken) colloquialism for toilet, MM. You know, the porcelain throne? The bidet, latrine, crapper, loo, can, stool, pot, commode? "Talking to the great white phone" is puking in your toilet. You can probably imagine now what "grunting one out" in it means now...

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 17, 2010 1:39 AM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
And sat down beside her and said,
Yo, what's in the bowl bitch?

Posted by: Andrew Dice Clay at August 17, 2010 2:44 AM

This being Pajiba, I naturally went a ... sexual route with "grunting one out". It all makes more sense now. Poop would have been my second thought path, and then "great white X" would have clicked, but I'm pretty tired, so the first train was the only train.

So, why was the girl in the bathroom with you when you were grunting one out?

Posted by: MM at August 17, 2010 3:26 AM

Little Miss Candace (what kind of a name is "Muffet," really?)
Sat on her big ass, (way sexier than a fur-covered foot stool)
Eating her poutine, oh yay ('cuz curds and whey? *hork*)
Along came a spider,
and Candace flipped her shit
and stomped that little fucker
to Sunday, six ways!

Posted by: Rykker at August 17, 2010 3:51 AM

FIE! ON! YOU! ROBBY SCOTT!

Posted by: replica at August 17, 2010 5:07 AM

So, why was the girl in the bathroom with you when you were grunting one out?

Posted by: MM at August 17, 2010 3:26 AM

Um, she told me this when I left the bathroom and told her about having to defend myself against the big hairy spider. My writing must really suck today.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 17, 2010 6:28 AM

For a second there I thought it was actually one of those educational shorts. Hilarious! I've got a few of those wood spiders living in a tree outside my window.

Posted by: Uda at August 17, 2010 9:22 AM

I love your common household spider. They eat all the other things that you don't want to cohabit with. Especially if one lives in an older house, the spider becomes a good friend.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 17, 2010 9:35 AM

Thanks Vi for the horrific nightmares I will have tonight. I knew I shouldn't have clicked on the link. Stupid me.

Posted by: bionic woman at August 17, 2010 10:45 AM

I'm a big softy when it comes to most living things, including spiders. Even including the 8 inch across one that, unknown to me till it brushed my neck, crawled up my suit jacket during the opening scene of Glengarry Glen Ross.

but FUCK brown reclusii. Those fuckers will hide in your shower curtain and wait to be "scared" so they can have "justifiable cause" to "bite" the shit out of your arm. And laugh about it on the way to the spider pub. Where they will have cheese fries. Those sons of bitches don't even like curds and whey.

Motherfucks. I needs to stomp something.

Posted by: Ian at August 17, 2010 11:44 AM

That makes me feel a lot better about living so far north, I don't have to worry about any brown recluse spiders. It's too damn cold for them here.

Posted by: Uda at August 17, 2010 11:47 AM

Fuck it, spiders are awesome and helpful and not scary. Call me when you've had an ASSASSIN BUG climbing up your wall. Those fuckers are HIDEOUS and almost impossible to kill AND they can give you chagas disease which is all hideous and terrifying. And our house was TEEMING with them. GAAAAAAAH Just thinking about that freaks me the fuck out.

Spiders? pshah.

Posted by: figgy at August 17, 2010 12:56 PM

sunday Sunday SUNDAY

Brown Recluse/Assassin Bug

CAGE MATCH

Kids only $5 (Limit 20, Spider Moms! Ha Ha!)

Posted by: Ian at August 17, 2010 1:27 PM

I'm not afraid of spiders, but:

HOLY FUCK IS THAT SPIDER ALMOST AS BIG AS A BIRD AND IT'S EATING THE BIRD??

Posted by: Rykker at August 17, 2010 2:00 PM

What's chagas disease?

(I'm full of questions, people!)

Posted by: MM at August 17, 2010 2:17 PM

Posted by: branded at August 17, 2010 3:04 PM