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Let's Check in with the Dilbert Guy

By Courtney Enlow | Miscellaneous | July 29, 2016 |


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How are things going, Dilbert guy? You doin’ OK? Is your struggle so, so real? Pull up a branded mug and tell us all about it.

I watched singer Alicia Keys perform her song Superwoman at the convention and experienced a sinking feeling. I’m fairly certain my testosterone levels dropped as I watched, and that’s not even a little bit of an exaggeration. Science says men’s testosterone levels rise when they experience victory, and drop when they experience the opposite. I watched Keys tell the world that women are the answer to our problems. True or not, men were probably not feeling successful and victorious during her act.

Oh. OK.

Let me say this again, so you know I’m not kidding. Based on what I know about the human body, and the way our thoughts regulate our hormones, the Democratic National Convention is probably lowering testosterone levels all over the country. Literally, not figuratively. And since testosterone is a feel-good chemical for men, I think the Democratic convention is making men feel less happy. They might not know why they feel less happy, but they will start to associate the low feeling with whatever they are looking at when it happens, i.e. Clinton.

That’s…neat. Oh, oh, you’ve got more, OK.

But GUYS. That doesn’t mean he thinks the mean nasty lady is going to take his manhood. THAT’S NOT WHAT HE SAID AT ALL.

Anyway, this has been our check-in with Dilbert guy.

You know, Bill Watterson wouldn’t pull this shit.


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