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Less Than Meets The Eye

By | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (12)



ht_bumblebee original.jpg

Out of all the transformers on the original cartoon series, Bumblebee was the one that I disliked the most. He was always getting into situations where the rest of the Autobots had to risk life and limb to save his whiny, undersized and underpowered ass from getting blown off because he was forever going somewhere he shouldn’t and getting busted up. Some will argue that he was small so that he could be a scout and to them I say, “Fuck that noise”. Scouts don’t get caught damn near every time they go on a mission. If this pussy were in any type of military unit his bitch ass would have been discharged a long time ago. He got his ass kicked by Rumble for fuck’s sake. Rumble. A fucking cassette tape! I bet if you pushed play while Rumble is all up inside Soundwave’s chest junk you’d hear a selection of 80’s power ballads. That’s how much of a pussy Bumblebee is; he got his ass beat by a mix-tape featuring Foreigner.

Viewing the first installment of Michael Bay’s rectal cleansing of the transformers franchise didn’t change my perception at all. Bumblebitch was still made out to be an incompetent jackass who could only beat on robots smaller than he was. Although he did help LaDouche score some tail so at least he had a purpose. I can’t speak to how he was depicted in Transformers 2: Tits and Explosions as I fell asleep ten minutes into the movie and, thankfully, didn’t awaken until the end credits were rolling. I would assume that he found himself entangled in an especially sticky spider web that only a flaming Optimus Prime could laser him out of.

It would appear that we’re in for more of the same with Transformers 3: Tittier & Splodier! given the video below. In it we see Bumblefucks get his ass handed to him by a regular, run of the mill police SUV. If any of the other Autobots had hit that SUV, it would have been smashed into a million pieces and mined for usable metals. Instead, Bumblenuts is has his face ripped off and the SUV has nary a scratch.

Hopefully that’s a death shroud they’re putting over the honey-making motherfucker.


Via Filmdrunk









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Comments

More leg humping robots!!!

Posted by: Ben Ruthlessburger at October 12, 2010 8:13 PM

Oh dude tell me, TELL ME you just didn't go talking smack about Rumble, he's a motherfucking Decepticon, I don't care if now he's an obsolete audio format.

As for Bumblebee, you are pretty much on point, although I'm pretty sure that Cop-spec Tahoe is also a Decepticon.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 12, 2010 8:25 PM

God bless you, Robert Scott, for still being able to work up any measure of passion for Transformers after what Michael Bay hath wrought.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 12, 2010 9:19 PM

pheeew, here i had been worried we weren't going to talk about the Transformers today. I really couldn't stand if internet chatter about this franchise lost momentum.

Posted by: idleprimate at October 12, 2010 10:02 PM

That's what happens when you pit good ol' American steel against new-fangled carbon fiber.

Posted by: the_wakeful at October 13, 2010 12:22 AM

I STILL mutter 'ravage, eject' in a weird roboto voice when I'm mad, so step off!

Posted by: replica at October 13, 2010 12:30 AM

Oh that Bumblebee, always getting into trouble...

Bumblebee: Hay guys, wait for meeeee-OW!"

Posted by: Sage at October 13, 2010 1:36 AM

Wow.. I never saw it that way... I liked Bumblebee until a minute ago...

Posted by: Sarah Barkai at October 13, 2010 2:31 AM

So...how do you feel about Cliffjumper?

Posted by: Salad Is Murder at October 13, 2010 6:25 AM

My son loves Bumblebee (but he is 4). This is also why I have seen both Transformers movies more times than I care to really admit - and yet I still couldn't give you a coherent plot synopsis of either.

Posted by: lingli at October 13, 2010 7:47 AM

Speaking of Rumble, what would be his modern day equivalent? 10 years ago he's a CD whizzing around detaching Autobot heads and cocks like a blood-crazed frisbee. You might suggest he'd be an IPod, but you'd be wrong. The IPod is the conduit for the music, like the boombox Decepticon. Is he some kind of downloaded content that "Applicon" the IPod Decepticon flings at enemies in the form of musical notes and 99 cent credit card charges? Not very deadly or self-sustainable like a cassette tape, is it? Rumble has no place in our fancy future.

My point is that Bumblebee could beat the modern day Rumble in a fight.

Maybe.

Posted by: Kballs at October 13, 2010 9:20 AM

Rumble is a piece of viral software that plays the Black Eyed Peas "Right Now" and Katie Perry's "California Girls" endlessly in Bumblebee's head. He's been renamed "Earworm".

Posted by: mrcreosote at October 13, 2010 2:58 PM