Pajiba

Oh, that's just brilliant... now I won't be able to get rid of that bloody tampon-image for a loooooong time!

Thank Godtopussy because I've been pronouncing it paHeeba for too long to go back now.

You didn't get a blood clot in the eye, did you Dustin?

Optimus, my love, there are several things about you that I really like. But the fact that you wear a hat just so you can tip it to ladies makes you simply irresistible.

Fear not, Mr. Rhyme. You've been promoted from Internet crush to Internet Boy Toy.

First order in business: no more t-shirts. Sure, they're comfortable and some are pretty cool, but if I must see you with your clothes on wear a shirt. Men look remarkably good in shirts. Or just walk around naked. Just make sure the heat is on.

You will receive more orders eventually. Stay tuned, or I'm sending you to Menopause Island.

Well, I for one, welcome our new vagina toting overlords.

*Roman salute*

Is AvB involved in the takeover? Cause I'm thinking if she is the Pajunta could use a Minister of the Interior.

Yeah, I am totally on board with this. Too bad ATO couldn't be around to enjoy it.

But something tells me that this is going to go bad in a BIG way. There is going to be repercussions for this. Not from me, mind you. I like getting dominated my smart, beautiful women (asskissing, check).

But eventually the other shoe will drop.

- Stacey will go on and on about some dumb reality show she is addicted to and force me to smash her television set(s).

- RanyIt will slip back into hr old ways, and the Eternal Darkness of the Enhanced Vocabulary will rise again.

- Bedhead will lose her mind, dress up in a yellow and black jumpsuit, and stalk Quentin Tarantino to the ends of the earth, where she will enter a grand final battle with Eli Roth and his Hair of Doom, craking the planet in twain.

- Sofia or Julie will flash their Paheeboobs to the wrong Elogent and start a riot. TK will be trampled and many of us will have a laugh.

- BarbadoSlim will....well, be BarbadoSlim.

This is not going to end well.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

P.S. "Pajunta" sounds ten times filthier than Godtopussy. I like it.

There is no such thing as flashing the wrong person.

Yes, Mistress Sofia.

Im down with the godapussy

Congrats Pajibettes!

Ooooo, neat! A Feminist uprising? This oughtta get me through Monday. Congratulations to the Pajibettes!

This is going to be a dammned good week. Election. The Femme-Paheebians driving the mack truck. Wife's birthday - she always wants sex.

Tattoo me as yours, my lovely supreme overladies.

Godammit BSlim, I hope you're happy. I won't be able to get that song out of my head all day.

[teases hair, puts on jacket with shoulder pads, calls up Jimmy Jam]

"This is a story about control, my control..."

I'm scared... really, really, scared. But also excited in totally non sexual way.

Question:

Who has their finger on the Big Red Button that will send the Pajinaverse into total oblivion?

Well, what they actually said was, "We like a man with a talent for sucking" -- long pause -- "up."

Posted by: bucdaddy

I actually like a man with a talent for sucking lower... lower... lower....

I'm here in spirit ladies, I can't wait to read the shit you came up with.

Wait wait wait, is it a "see how you like it" sexist turnaround thing?

PRISCOOO!!! DAAAAMN YOUUUUU!!!! YOUR CRNA RUKA WILL BE THE DOWNFALL OF US ALL!!!!!

Sofia,

Depend where I start, doesn't it?

Toes = up

Earlobes = down

Hey, everybody! I'm uh, new to this place. I heard there were a lot of strong women around here and that's right up my alley. GIRL POWER! Am I right? My gosh, guys can be sooo geeky, right? Anybody got any Appletini recipes? I just got back from having my vayjayjay waxed. I know, what a pain, right? High-five, sistah! Say, I just got here and I don't really know any of you, but that Skitz guy seems pretty cool and funny. I'm thinking about sending him naked pictures of myself and some money. Anybody want to join me? It could be a lot of fun! C'mon girls, let's send him some naked pictures! And money! To Skitz! Now!

Yes! I love you too Skitz! I'm sending 8x10 glossies of myself naked and draped in nothing but a silken scarf, with a soft focus lens and candles in the background. I'm also sending medical-quality close-ups using a macro-lens and standard flash. And two fifty dollar bills so I... er, so you don't have to hassle with cashing checks and/or money orders. LET'S ALL DO THIS LADIES! GRRL POWER!

We should all do it today! Like right now! YAY! COSMOS ALL AROUND!

UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS! TEE-HEE! Say, Barbara Slim, I think that BSlim sounds pretty cool too! I'm going to send him pictures too! Lets all do that, ladies! Except be sure to send your money to Skitz. Just him. Along with the pictures. Preferably on a furry rug of some sort. In front of a fireplace. In our delicates. 8x10 glossies. Or maybe eating a bowl of pasta suggestively. With cash. To Skitz. Today... GIRLS RULE!

OMIGOSHROTFLMAO! There are guys who don't text? Not in my book. SNAP! I like long periods of silence while staring into each other's eyes. Like ten-fifteen minutes or so. I also like Mocha Latte Frapachinoos with soy milk and Splenda chocolate sprinkles and vegan whipped cream! YUMMO! LISA FRANK STICKERS AND GLITTER!

Damn guys, that's almost funny enough to make me want to reward you with naked pictures. Almost.

Dustin: Old men!

Women: Women.

DR: Sorry. Old women, who lives in Paheebacastle?

W: We're 27.

DR: What?

W: We're 27, we're not old.

DR: Well I couldn't just call you "women."

W: You COULD say sofia figgy julie nicole lizzieborden anna von beaverplatz stacey ranylt bedhead skittianna.

DR: I didn't know you were called sofia figgy julie nicole lizzieborden anna von beaverplatz stacey ranylt bedhead skittianna.

W: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?

DR: Look, I did say sorry about the "old men," but ...

W: What we object to is that you automatically treat us like an inferior, with your sexist reviews. If there's ever going to be any progress ...

Sir Slim the Pure: OOOOOOO, ladies, there's some lovely filth down here ...

Queen Julie (arriving upon the shoulders of former men bucdaddy and Optimus): Who's he?

DR: I am Dustin, son of Uther Rowlesdragon of the castle Pajiba, and I am your Webmaster.

W (to Julie): Some guy, thinks he's a Webmaster. (to DR): Well we didn't vote for you. We know! Let's have tea and crumpets, and then kill you.

DR: Ladies, ladies, please! I merely wish to know who lives in Paheebacastle?

W: No one lives there.

DR: Then who is your Webmaster?

W: Woo-hoo! We don't have a Webmaster. We killed the Webmaster and all the men except the two we keep around for our oral pleasure! Hail, Paheeba! Praise Godtopussy!

DR: You mean ... this is a Vagooterocracy?

Sir Che of Henson: I thought it was an autonomous collective.

Sir Pookie the Profane: You're fooling yourself. We're traveling in a dic(less)tatorship.

W: Wrong, sir, we are CLASSY ladies.

Sir Prisco of Philly: There you go, bringing class into it again.

W: But that's what it's all about! Now be on your way! Off, off with you, before we turn you ALL into ladies!

(SFX: sound of 84 boobies, banging together, follows DR and men as, keeping both hands over their crotches, they ride imaginary horses for their very lives.)

JONAS BROTHERS PURPLE EMO BOYS PRINCESS CUPCAKES PUFFY PAINT SUMMERS EVE PANTYLINER FRILLY LACE CROISSANTS!

The photos and cash are in the mail, boys. I suggest everybody else follow me! DO IT NOW! NOW GODDA... I mean, WOMYN POWER ANI DIFRANCO MARGARITA!

You're being a Dicktator, Skitz, and a pain in my ass!

The men in here are such pussies. Stop whining and enjoy the glitter and bows and rainbows. I SAID ENJOY THEM.

Dustin stop whining. Jeebus. I SAID STOP WHINING. There, how did you like your bath of Victoria's Secret Dreams Perfume? Yeah, I thought so. That shit smells like dead flowers, and it's still marketed at us. Now see how you like that. Sit there and THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.

Oh but my WWI joke is worth nothing, huh?

Fuck this!

i'm not sure i'm falling for that send Skitz money and nekkid pictures thing, though.
Posted by: lizzieborden at November 3, 2008 2:26 PM

You mean again Lizzie? Yeah, I already fell for that shit once...

So I guess this I what I get for taking a really long nap this morning/afternoon. I completely missed the call to revolution!

Cindy: Misogynist pig! To the Wall of Tears with you!

And by "Wall of Tears" I mean the usual wall in revolutions where you shoot the dissidents. Mostly for not being pretty enough for us. Right, Sofia?

Don't be bothered by me Sofia; I've always been a hang-with-the-boys girl. My whole life has been of one or two close girlfriends vs. many close guy friends. I was never close with my mother, and my Dad was my best friend. In the military, at any given time I was usually the only female or one of two in a platoon of men. Let me tell you, sleeping in a tent with 20 + dudes is an experience you never forget. My point is, my sensibilities run with the dudes. I was never the girl waiting for marriage, and when I finally did get married - it was me who wanted to elope and my husband who wanted the big wedding (yes, I let him have his day).

Maybe I'm sexist.

Cindy, you're not sexist. At least I don't think so. It's just... we worked so hard at this!

*wipes tear with one hand, scratches balls with the other one, then sniffs it*

I dunno, figgy. It may not be wise to execute a woman with military experience...experience that we'll need in the days of reconstruction following the revolution. Perhaps we should just send Cindy to reeducation camp - a camp that includes make up lessons and pillow fight training and other things girls apparently do when they are together that she finds so objectionable.

Also, Skittlianna, do you think skitz would prefer a naughty school girl spread or something a little more tasteful, like Lohan's Marilyn Monroe recreations?

Damn figgy, that's harsh. I didn't know there was no room for dissent among pms-ers. Go ahead then, line me up and shoot me! I'll go down knowing I spoke out when no one else had the courage. I wasn't afraid to tell my truth unlike those whimpering traitors who fell at your feet with false compliments, all the while trying to get naked pictures.

I regret that I have but one life to give for my Pajibaverse.

Awwwwww man! I never get to have any fun.

*kicks the dust*

Fine, fine. No wall. All I wanted was to make an example of someone :(

(see see I even made a sad face)

Damn, Cindy. You really are a badass. You can be our Secretary of Defense but only if you wear pink bows and bedazzled shirts and oh....man I grossed myself out just thinking about it. I fucking hate pink. And glitter. And sequins.

I really just want to beat up stuff, you know? I think I'll go back to torturing Dustin some more.

Figgy, Marra! Go to that corner over there! And don't talk to each other!

Cindy, come here. Look, the girls are just kidding... don't take it personal. And the naked picture thing is also a joke. Skitz already has our Hustler spreads on his wall. He's just greedy, that's all.

*sulks in the corner*

Bah. A revolution led by the weaker fairer sex? Girls sprouting penii? A bad episode of Bosom Buddies breaking out? As Vermillion so aptly put it, This is not going to end well.

Boy, was I ever wrong...the ending was a tear-jerker, but without a trace of schmaltz. Good stuff all the way around. Well played, Pajibettes!

The Pajibettes Present: The First Annual DildOscar® Awards

Whoa, Vermillion... it's like you've been inside my head or something.

Get out!

I love it when commenters say "how do you post all day? Don't you have any jobs?" 'cause they're really saying "don't you have a life?"

My answer: I do have a 9:00 to 6:00 job and a life. I just know how to use my time to do everything I want. Asshole...