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November 3, 2008 | Comments ()


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Miscellaneous | November 3, 2008 | Comments ()


… Dustin here. I’m writing this post from my basement in Portland, Maine. I’m not sure what time it is. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be writing. I was just given this laptop and harshly told to write. I’m currently strapped to a chair with a ball-gag in my mouth, which makes typing this uncomfortable as hell (I like to mouth the words as I type, you know). TK, who came up for a visit last night to watch the Pats/Colts game, is strapped to a chair next to me, slumped over. I’m honestly not sure if he’s alive or not. He was already in my basement when a gaggle of women …OUCH, DON’T HIT ME … sorry, a group of women … pulled me out of my bed and threw me down the stairs into my basement. These bitches are angry about something.

I’m not sure what’s going on. My shoulder may be dislocated, I’m slightly delirious, and when I mumbled that I wanted some coffee, one of women in a Mrs. Incredible outfit poured a pot of it into my lap.

Truthfully, I’ve never seen these women before — eight or nine of them, I believe — though they claim to be among the site’s Eloquents. They’re all in their underclothing and whipping around bloody tampons by their strings and screaming, “PAHEEBA! PAHEEBA! It sounds like an awkward, Spanish-speaking form of the word Pajiba … *ouch* … one of the women just slapped the shit out of me …

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

BUT THAT’S HOW YOU PRONOUNCE IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOT ANYMORE?

WAIT A SECOND … IT’S MY FUCKING SITE

OK OK OK. PAHEEBA. PAHEEBA, IT IS. JUST STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE KIDNEY.

What? Me. You’ve got the wrong guy … I’m the annoyingly feminist guy who spots misogyny in everything …

… well, no. Not Kevin Smith movies. But that’s diff ….

You’re gonna what? TAKE OVER THE SITE? Fuck you. But why? What’s happening? Wait, gimme back the laptop I’m not fini s asdgf gfs

….

Welcome to the Revolution. All Hail Godtopussy.


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