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Here's To The Halcyon

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (47)



carlsonrogen1sm.jpg

We’ve never done this before, but then again, there’s never been another writer on this site who has written for five consecutive years, and I think it’s worth it to mark the occasion. Dan Carlson began writing for Pajiba five years ago this month, before the site had even reached its own first birthday. I found Dan like I find a lot of the people who write for Pajiba: He was a reader. But this was a year or two before we even had a comments section; we had a few referrals from his blog and, at the time, it was probably the only referrals we had. I traced those back and saw that Dan, who had just graduated college and moved to Los Angeles, was an aspiring movie critic. So, I asked if he’d like to write for us, though only God knows why he would’ve said yes at the time: We were a hideous orange and blue site published sporadically with Microsoft FrontPage.

But Dan agreed. To the best of my recollection, his first review was for a documentary about Krumping called Rize and — as a lesson to anyone who has ever had a misstep — his second review was unpublishable. He bounced back with a phenomenal third review, and since then, he’s never written anything less than fantastic. Dan’s the guy who gives this place a class and dignity. He’s a goddamn pro. We’ve all got our niches here, and Dan’s is that of the critic who takes on those reviews that require a lot of intelligence and thought, which is why you often see him most around here during awards season (that’s not to say he won’t be taking on a few crap movies this summer — he shreds a movie as well as anyone, too).

Only Dan knows why he’s slumming it for us, but over the last five years, Dan has made considerable advancement in his real life, starting with a small publishing company before moving on to The Hollywood Reporter before moving back to Texas last year, where he writes regularly for The Houston Press and still does some freelance work for THR. And yet, he’s still been around for us, taking on the most challenging reviews and providing the best “Lost” coverage on the Internet. (Note, also, that he began the trend here of using song lyrics in review headlines).

I’ll stop now. I don’t want to embarrass the guy. But to mark the occasion, I would like to point y’all to ten of my favorite Carlson contributions over the years:

  • “Nevermore to Roam,” The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

  • The Cheesiest Soundtrack Singles of All Time

  • “Let Us Be Lovers, We’ll Marry Our Fortunes Together,” Away We Go Review

  • “Only After Disaster Can We Be Resurrected,” Fight Club Review

  • “Luminous Beings Are We,” The Empire Strikes Back

  • “Fanboys Unite: Your Messiah Has Arrived,” Serenity Review

  • “Stuck in the Middle,” Inglorious Basterds Review

  • The Lone Star State of Mind: Films About Texas

  • Say a Prayer for Surf Boy, Wherever He Is,” Rushmore Review

  • “My Love is Vengeance,” The Dark Knight Review









    Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



    Hammer of the Gods! | "Concept Art" for Thor | Movies You Have to Finish | An Afternoon Comment Diversion









    Comments

    Congratulations, Dan, you're a real class act. Why you'd mess with this group is beyond me.

    Posted by: admin at June 3, 2010 2:36 PM

  • All Hail Dan Carlson!

    Your reviews are spectacular your recaps sublime!

    Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 3, 2010 2:43 PM

    That header pic is creepy.

    Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 3, 2010 2:43 PM

    Congratulations, Dan! Woo hoo and such.

    We were a hideous orange and blue site published sporadically with Microsoft FrontPage.

    I love you guys. I've missed you in the last two months when I had a Life. I'm glad that's over.

    Posted by: TSF at June 3, 2010 2:44 PM

    Congrats to one of the resident Texans for his sharp wit and his classy cuts. I would never have made it through my work week without those Lost recaps.

    Posted by: Patty O'Green at June 3, 2010 2:49 PM

    his second review was unpublishable.

    Well, I have to say I can hardly believe that. Happy 5 years, Dan! I miss your LOST recaps already.

    Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 3, 2010 2:57 PM

    Woooooooooo Dan!!Congratulations!! This is a party right?
    Cos I'm on like, my third/ninth scotch so all y'all better casshhh upppp fore ah get nekid an in the plll

    Posted by: Nadine at June 3, 2010 2:58 PM

    Congrats, Daniel! Your work is fantastic. I find myself consistently pointing people to your reviews here when asked why I do/don't want see a film because I just can't explain it any better myself.

    Posted by: jM at June 3, 2010 3:00 PM

    I've been kickin' around here for a little while (my first comment is the first one on the Open Water review), but I kinda see myself as more of a mostly boring-to-annoying outsider to the group of whom I consider to be the Pajiban Regulars; the "Cool" people, as it were.

    Anyway, I've always considered Dan's writings to be top-notch (and his resemblance to Rogen downright mystifying), so I just wanted to add my Congrats to his reaching this milestone.

    And, after joyfully laughing my freakin' ass off at the Nieve-Nadine paradigm all morning, I decided to get joyfully smashed off same said ass, so I am currently moderately-heading-towards-heavily intoxicated at the moment, and at a complete loss as to how t o end this post.

    ....

    So I'ma just gonna stop typing

    Posted by: Rykker at June 3, 2010 3:05 PM

    Congrats on five years to one of the most eloquent and well-spoken writers here. Please keep slumming.

    Posted by: Snath at June 3, 2010 3:10 PM

    Yeah Danny, you are an asset to Pajiba and I read all of your work. It’s a good thing for all of us that you turned down that job offer from the Washington Post, I kid I kid. May you have many more wonderful years here at Pajiba.

    Posted by: Pookie at June 3, 2010 3:12 PM

    Kudos Dan.

    Posted by: Weck at June 3, 2010 3:14 PM

    Mr. C is my favorite among Pajiba writers because he is insightful, intelligent, snarkily hilarious and scathingly brilliant in equal measure.
    He also has incredible taste in music.
    Congratulations on the anniversary, sir and long may you rave.

    Posted by: Spender at June 3, 2010 3:15 PM

    Thanks to Dan for the fantastic reviews that he's written (including the Lost recaps, which, as someone who doesn't watch the show, I found readable.) It's certainly a testament to the quality of the site that I love re-reading the older reviews alongside the new ones.

    Posted by: ruby at June 3, 2010 3:23 PM

    Aww, Yay for Dan! Seriously, it can't be said enough, you do an amazing job here. We're blessed to have you among our fearsome leaders.

    And Dustin, FrontPage, really? Really.

    Posted by: Kayanne at June 3, 2010 3:28 PM

    Yay Dan! Thanks for classing up the joint.

    Posted by: tamatha at June 3, 2010 3:41 PM

    Rykker, you're one of the cool ones.

    And also, YOU'RE WELCOME =D (for Nieve and I bickering. I hate that bitch)

    Posted by: Nadine at June 3, 2010 3:44 PM

    Raises glass to Dan (well I would if my office were more like Justified or Mad Men)

    Posted by: Brian at June 3, 2010 3:48 PM

    Happy 5 years Dan!! Always enjoy your reviews, glad you've stuck around with us pansy weiners!

    Posted by: Kelly at June 3, 2010 3:48 PM

    SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!

    Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 3, 2010 3:49 PM

    Congrats on 5 great years, Dan! You were already here when I got here (which was some time in '06 though I kept a low profile at the time) so I can't imagine this place without you.

    Posted by: lainiefig at June 3, 2010 3:51 PM

    Congratulations, Dan!

    In that header pic, which one is you?

    Posted by: BWeaves at June 3, 2010 4:01 PM

    Whoa whoa whoa everybody! It’s not like the guy won the fucking Pulitzer for journalism. I mean no doubt the guy can get fancy with words and shit, but goddamn.

    Posted by: Pookie at June 3, 2010 4:01 PM

    Congrats DC!

    Also, please describe it either as the 5th Anniversary or the 5th-year milestone. 5 years of writing effort deserves better...writing.

    Posted by: laredo at June 3, 2010 4:06 PM

    Congrats, Dan! Some of my favorite reviews here have been yours. I think the Inglorious Basterds one is particularly brilliant.

    Posted by: figgy aka Mrs Chanandler Bong at June 3, 2010 4:35 PM

    Yay for Dan and for Pajiba for keeping him around for so long! I've always considered you the best writer around these parts (with all due respect...and it's a pretty high bar!) and you show much wisdom for your young years. I always know it's going to be a good one when I see your name on a review.

    So did they give you a watch?

    Posted by: katy at June 3, 2010 4:37 PM

    It was one of Dan's reviews for Pajiba back in January '07 that first introduced me to him as a writer. I added him to my blogroll and now I'm marrying him in October of '10. :O!

    Thanks to Pajiba for the best man in the world! Dustin will be the guest of honor at the wedding :)

    Posted by: Tracy M. at June 3, 2010 5:19 PM

    Here's to you Dan. As the Helen Thomas of Pajiba I get to say, "I (virtually) knew him back in the day".

    And Pookie: you're coming to my next family get together. No one else deflects attention from the main argument like you can. I bow to the Master.

    Posted by: PaddyDog at June 3, 2010 5:28 PM

    Similar to what Rykker was saying, I consider myself to be fairly outside the main group of commenters, since I only started relatively recently and I'm not all that funny and all, but Dan's articles were one of the things that kept me coming back. He's a consummate pro, and posts wonderful links on Facebook, so congratulations, guy, for five years of classing up the joint.

    Posted by: Kyle at June 3, 2010 5:54 PM

    Congrats Dan! Class act.

    Posted by: Riles at June 3, 2010 6:03 PM

    Congratulations and thank you Dan.

    Btw, does anyone else want to read the un-publishable second review?

    Posted by: frank_247 at June 3, 2010 6:14 PM

    It's not much fun to imagine hands clapping in appreciation, so . . .

    *Applies each hand to a breast and smooshes them together*

    There ya go. My tits applaud you.

    Posted by: Lauren at June 3, 2010 6:35 PM

    That Serenity review has 4 comments. One of them was from someone named "Steve."

    Here is the life story of Steve:
    Steve grew up on a small suburban home in Louisiana. He used to watch the nightly news with his mother and two older sisters, not because the news was the most exciting thing to watch, but because his father was the camera-man. At the end of every report, Steve would stand with his family and clap for their beloved patriarch.

    Steve eventually got a hunger for big city life, so he packed up and moved to Miami, FL. He floundered a bit, moving from one waiting job to another (Steve never went to college), until he finally caved and got a job with a local insurance agency as a claims adjuster. After one long year, he met the love of his life; Jessica.

    They have three adorable children today, one of whom is named after a popular actress who stars in cheesy romance pictures. Steve is now an insurance agent, and runs his own office selling flood insurance to floridians. He voted for Jeb Bush, but not for his brother George. He fervently believes in gun control and in his free time he surfs the internet. Once upon a time he ended up here at Pajiba, so that he might cast his two cents upon the Serenity movie review, written by Dan Carlson.

    And every night Steve still watches the nightly news. He doesn't clap any more, but a grin always stretches across his face when the lights fade and the credits roll. Steve is truly a happy man. Contented with the world and his place in it.

    And he likes butt-sex The End.

    Posted by: superasente at June 3, 2010 6:47 PM

    WHOOOOO CONGRATS DAN!!!!

    Also, I remember when you guys were orange and blue!!

    Posted by: dene at June 3, 2010 6:54 PM

    PS. Congrats to Dan and Tracy too! HAPPY WEDDING!

    Posted by: dene at June 3, 2010 6:56 PM

    Congratulations on the five years, Dan! Your reviews are always a pleasure to read.

    Posted by: Katie (KP) at June 3, 2010 7:08 PM

    Yes, congratulations! Please keep slumming here, Dan.

    Posted by: MM at June 3, 2010 7:22 PM

    That guy Steve sounds like a cool dude. I mean, not cool like Godzilla, but still pretty decent.

    Posted by: Rykker at June 3, 2010 7:42 PM

    At the risk of sounding repetitive but, Dan is a class act. (Reads over comments section...yes, definitely repetitive). I've never read a review of his I didn't enjoy, and he's written some of my favourites from this site (bookmarked for further reading pleasure). You're right: he can shred with the best of them, but you know you're in for a thoughtful piece when you see "Carlson" as the byline. Cheers Dan, and congrats that your real life, as well as your internet one, has been as successful as you deserve.

    Posted by: dsbs at June 3, 2010 7:52 PM

    HAHA! Rykker! You're my new favorite (don't tell LindsEy; she'll get all jealous).

    Posted by: superasente at June 3, 2010 7:53 PM

    Dan, your writing is wonderful. And don't tell anyone, because I will deny it, but your Serenity review made me cry.

    Posted by: esme at June 3, 2010 8:46 PM

    I'm a sour fuck, I know that, often higlighted by what I post here (I tend to respond to what pisses me off, not what makes me happy), but I am happy for the opportunity to write something positive.

    Carlson can write.

    Really well.

    I look forward to his reviews more than any other writer on the site (particularly since the Fox fucked off), and wanted to let him know.

    Good stuff, mate, keep it up.

    Posted by: Peter G at June 3, 2010 9:41 PM

    A big congratulations on the milestone, Dan. We can't thank you enough for the consistently excellent reviews, even if we fuckwits often blow up the comments section under them.

    Posted by: branded at June 3, 2010 10:12 PM

    Mr. Carlson:

    Two apologies: first off, please forgive my posting anonymously, it's a personal thing that's of no meaningful consequence to anyone but myself in this instance;

    and I'm right pissed off that I only just had the chance to read Dustin's most eloquent announcement of your anniversary, so I apologize for being so late to the congratulatory comments.

    Sohere'sthestory-

    The summer of 2006 began my personal three-year 'trilogy of terror'. Between then and 2009 I endured a crippling fear and dread that we were on the very brink of total disaster, our country was controlled by maniacs, all reason and common sense had been abandoned, and the internet had become toxic, something to be feared in knowing that a single mouse-click could immediately throw me into a new panic if I saw one more goddamned headline reaffirming my mindset of hopelessness and disintegrated faith that we wouldn't, couldn't survive this despicable administration and the greedy asslicking whores that had complete control of this country for the first, shameful decade of the new century.

    NOW you see why I post anonymously...

    I discovered Pajiba by means I can't recall now. I do remember that Mr. DR's writing was so refreshing, kind of like an on-line sanctuary of safe (yet naughty), fun, adventurous and original perspectives that, for me at least, was about the very best therapy I could ask for during those long, numbing hours at work that were merely a means of survival until our inevitable end.

    One of the earliest articles that helped to transport me away from my self-involved misery at that time was your 'Rushmore' review: I pored over every single sentence, printed it, re-read it again and again (not as much steady outpouring of articles back then), and while Dustin was my reason for saving Pajiba to my 'favorites' when I first read him, it was sublime reviews/opinions such as yours and future contributors like Ranylt's, Priscoe's and the others that have always made this site a most significant cut above the rest. (has anyone ever thought of Dustin as the 'Lorne Michaels' of movie review sites, what with the talent he consistently brings??)

    Thank you, Daniel, for helping me get through some insane days at my office, where at times I could depend on nothing else but the words you excellent writers shared with people like me, who felt so beat down, crushed and disenfranchised amidst all the madness the previous decade slapped us across the face with.

    You're a credit to your writing pool, Danny boy, and I look forward to reading you in many years to come-- however many we may still have left, that is (sorry, but good writing alone doesn't make me any less fatalistic)

    So glad I was able to get this out, thank you.

    Posted by: Anon at June 4, 2010 2:37 AM

    I'm embarrassed to this day about my behaviour in the comments section of one of your articles, because it surely didn't deserve it. And in fact, although I used to be able to say I read every single word on pajiba, I can't do that all the time anymore. But I DO read each and every one of yours. Your name is a respected brand to my mind.

    I'm also grateful that Lost is done, so I don't need to read extraordinarily well written and considered recaps of a show I don't even watch or care for!

    There is so very much to recommend about your work...I'm so happy you choose to work here. Bonne anniversaire!

    Posted by: replica at June 4, 2010 2:45 AM

    Dan Carlson might be my favourite movie reviewer, online or in print. I always enjoy his pieces, even (especially?) when I disagree with him. He always provides a different way of approaching something.

    Posted by: Daniel Hall at June 4, 2010 8:56 AM

    Much love to you, Dan. I love your reviews, and those "Lost" recaps were AMAZING. Keep up the great work! :)

    Posted by: Jelinas at June 6, 2010 5:57 PM