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For the Past 9 Years, A (Gasp!) Lesbian Has Been Delivering Feel-Good Stories on 'Good Morning America'

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | December 30, 2013 | Comments ()


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Can you believe this? First, they let same-sex couples MARRY in OUR UNITED STATES of AMERICA, then they let some gay fella host The Tony Awards, which goes against everything that Broadway musicals are about, then they let that same gay fella host the Emmy Awards, tainting our beloved TEEVEE, and there’s a gay couple who almost smooch every week in Modern Family, A FAMILY SITCOM, and then we find out that there was a homosexual breaking out of jail in Prison Break (jailbreaks are a strictly straight man’s preoccupation!), and they let the new Spock be played by a GAY guy. Spock can’t be gay! He’s a Vulcan breeder, who only gets horny every seven years or something. And that guy on Scandal who does all the torturing? GAY!

Unbelievable. Next thing you know, there’ll be GAY HIP HOP STARS rapping about loving up on other men ON MY RADIO.

But now you’ve gone too far, America! Today we find out that a woman formerly from the WNBA, who has been co-anchoring Good Morning America for years is a lady lover! Robin Roberts — who has had two bouts of cancer and survived (them lady lovers are tough) — came out as a homersectual on Facebook, the very same website where me and my kin exchange squirrel recipes. She’s also apparently been in a relationship with another woman for near-abouts a whole decade, which means she’s been been giving me the feel-good stories (including her very own) all that time with the same lips she uses to kiss another woman.

THIS IS AN AFFRONT. I didn’t mind it so much before when it was just Tom Cruise and that Sweatin’ to the Oldies feller, but now all the awesome people are turning gay in front of my very eyes. Now when the rapture comes I don’t even know what I’m gonna do: Go up to heaven with Kirk Cameron and Lou Gossett, or stay on Earth with all the cool people.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • chanohack

    WHAT?

    She was in the WNBA? That's rad.

  • Mr Blobby

    Seriously? This is what Pajiba has come to? A whole piece with nothing more than sarcasm on offer? It is as if it has been written by a 5th grader who has just discovered such a lazy-arsed writing crutch and used it for her English essay on LBGT issues - in 1998. What next? "A white man sat next to a negro gentleman on a bus and didn't die - can you believe it!" (repeat ad nauseam for 1000 words)

    Can't wait to read that. (and don't bother saying the incessantly juvenile sarcasm is post ironic - it's not, it's just shite writing.)

  • e jerry powell

    As I've said before, fundamentalists/hell/buzzkill, you know the story.

  • manting

    The real question is when will Opera finally come out.

  • Tatertot

    Not until the fat lady sings.

  • lol

    this was just.....brilliant...word play

  • e jerry powell

    Don't forget Ellen at the Emmys after 9/11.
    "Think about it: what would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?" (Unnecessary zoom on Jerry Stiller.)

  • e jerry powell
  • Uriah_Creep

    Not to worry, Dustin, Phil Robertson is there to help you through this.

  • Jim

    Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I just can't believe it. No not for an instant, I tell you. Good Morning America is STILL on the air? I'm so shocked I have to go lie down.

  • e jerry powell

    Stranger things. Shall I bring the smelling salts?

  • AngelenoEwok

    Where does her statement say she is a lesbian?

  • "I am grateful for my entire family, my long time girlfriend, Amber, and friends as we prepare to celebrate a glorious new year together."

    I don't think she means my friend Amber, who happens to be a girl, type of girlfriend.

  • AngelenoEwok

    Right, yes, I understand that Amber is her serious-relationship-girlfriend. But that doesn't necessarily make her a lesbian.

  • Confucius Jackson

    No, it would be the playing around with Amber's naughty bits part that would make Robin a lesbian.

  • AngelenoEwok

    That still wouldn't do it.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    What would do it, then?

  • AngelenoEwok

    Robin Roberts saying, "I'm a lesbian." She certainly COULD be, but nothing in her statement says that she is. There are women who have long term relationships with women who aren't lesbians, and there are certainly lots of women who have sex with women who aren't lesbians.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    So she may be bisexual. How is that relevant?

  • AngelenoEwok

    She may be lesbian or bisexual or any number of other things. Defining other people's sexuality is not okay.

  • Chris

    When somebody releases a statement about their love life where the whole point is to reveal information about their sexuality, it's pretty ridiculous to be restricted to using only the exact words in the statement. Defining other people's sexuality isn't ok, but understanding context and saying the same thing with other words actually is.

  • AngelenoEwok

    The point of the post was not to reveal information about her sexuality; it was to thank people who supported her with her health struggles.

    Going from "long-time girlfriend" to "lesbian," is not the same thing with other words. If she ever does make a statement mentioning a specific orientation, then it would be appropriate to quote or reference. That's not what she did here.

    I'm a lady with a long-term husband, but if someone were to refer to me as either straight or bisexual, I would correct them. Maybe Roberts IS a lesbian, but pulling such terminology out of the air still isn't cool.

  • Chris

    Ok. I think you have a more "educated" view on sexuality terminology than most people. I fully understand that labels are important, and that being mis-labelled can be quite an offense. However, it seems the word lesbian might have a much more strictly defined meaning to you than to us common folk.

    To us, it's a non-offensive word that - without going into any detail or further knowledge about sexuality - can be used for a woman who has a girlfriend. To us, it is convenient to be able to speak about things without accidentally being offensive because we used an inappropriate term. Lesbian, however, is a vague term and it disappoints me that you're trying to disallow its common usage in favour of a meaning I can't even conclude from your entries above.

  • AngelenoEwok

    I'm not especially educated. People who call themselves lesbians should be called lesbians. People who don't, shouldn't be. I can't "disallow" anything. But I'm a woman who's had several girlfriends and several boyfriends, and I've never been lesbian or straight. If someone insists on calling me one of those, it's fine. It's just a pretty good signal that that person feels entitled to label something that isn't their business.

  • lawrenceABQ

    Oh for the sake of all that is holy, give it up.

    And congrats Robin on your health and loving relationship with whomever you choose :-)

  • AngelenoEwok

    I agree with you, re: being happy for her.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    I look forward to the day when people can begin their careers as they are and this doesn't have to be news. Good for her, though.

  • Maguita NYC

    Homersectuality made me snort coffee and drown in delightful joy!

    Congrats to Robin for coming out and proving once more that who you choose to love has nothing to do with your aptitude at doing your job. And succeeding.

  • BWeaves

    Homersectuality is my new favorite word. Turned my hair blue, it did.

  • Maguita NYC

    Homersectuality made me want to ride a unicorn!

  • John W

    Let the ceremonial exploding of the heads commence.

  • DeaconG

    When I read the announcement I said to myself "Took you long enough!"

  • idiosynchronic

    Dem Squirrel recipes are so frageelee, a gay person smoochin' 100 miles away will turn the dish bad.

  • Linda Jeffers

    my classmate's mother-in-law Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­κ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­ѕ $­­­­­72 every հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­r on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ. She has been fired from W­­­­­­օ­­­­­­r­­­­­­κ for 6 Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but last Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ her income was $­­­­­13918 just W­­­­­­օ­­­­­­r­­­­­­κing on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ for a Ϝ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­W հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­rs. Read more on this web ѕ­­­­­­і­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮,...  WWW.FestivalsNewYearhappynewye...

    ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤ʯ❤ ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤❤ ❤❤Spock can’t be gay! He’s a Vulcan breeder, who only gets horny every seven years or something.

  • I speed-skimmed this as "my classmate's mother-in-law Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­κ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­ѕ $­­­­­72 every հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­r on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ. She has been fired from W­­­­­­օ­­­­­­r­­­­­­κ for 6 Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but she’s a Vulcan breeder, who only gets horny every seven years or something (so that works out!)" and thought it was the most awesome spam ever.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I think your account has been hacked.

  • Nah, I just have a low threshhold for amusement.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Huh. The spambot post didn't appear when I answered yours. Sorry about that.

  • No prob. Without the setup, it DID sound pretty dumb. ;)

  • bastich

    That's always been the risk when yer cookin' varmint! How in this day and age can a gawd-fearin' straight fella rassle up some vittles for his special love ducks...I mean wimmen-folk?

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