Find Out When Your Hooha (or Lance of Love) Got Its Name
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Find Out When Your Hooha (or Lance of Love) Got Its Name

By Cindy Davis | Miscellaneous | August 19, 2013 | Comments ()

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Break out your best Beavis and Butthead laughs, people; if you’re anything like me, this will delight you to no end. British lexicographer and author Jonathon Green (Green’s Dictionary of Slang, Talking Dirty: A Slang Phrasebook) has created a series of timelines that include the evolutional histories of genitalia slang.

The first bit of penacular (my own slang) tomfoolery dates back to December 1300:

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Handy dandy legend:

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Whereas, the not-so-veiled references to ladybits took off with a (ahem) bang in 1230:

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Did someone say, “Tummy Banana?” Tummy Banana.

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Call me crazy, but I kind of dig “Eve’s Custom House.”

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Now go forth and make your own fun, people…I know you can and will.

Penis Timeglider

Vagina Timeglider

And the buck doesn’t stop at body parts; if you’re not mentally 12 years old (WHY?), Green has also created cool slang timelines for:

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Drunk Timeglider

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Alcohol Timeglider

Pubs and Bars Timeglider (not fully loading at the time of this writing)

Enjoy frittering away the rest of your day. (via Nerdcore)

Cindy Davis, (Twitter) is still giggling.

Biz Break: The Internet Shamelessly Objectifies John Legend (Thank You), and Mark Ruffalo Gives a Stirring Speech About Abortion | 5 Shows After Dark 8/19/13

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Wow. So apparently 1890 was the Golden Year of the Schlong.

  • BlackRabbit

    Invaluable! Now, any time-traveler can easily know when s/he is, simply by pulling down their pants, introducing themselves to someone, and asking "Pray tell, what is this?"

    I'm only a month off from the "one-eyed trouser mouse."

  • e jerry powell

    All well and good.

    Now I need to go back and re-read all of de Sade.

  • Dragonchild

    This could be combined with to create the absolute worst of period fiction.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I think meant should be combined with.

  • Batesian

    I think you meant will be combined with.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Indeed, I did.

  • NateMan

    Hmm, I can't find meat-curtains - my own favorite name for the vag. Mostly because it makes my wife furious and then she slaps me upside my giant bald head and it's funny.

    Edit: Nevermind, 1992!

  • e jerry powell

    Mmmmm, giant bald head...

  • Maguita NYC

    Good. Because if she wasn't, I was about to :p

  • NateMan

    Dude, I looooove me some meat curtains.

  • Maguita NYC

    I bet your wife hits that big bald head often! You're shameless!

  • NateMan

    Regularly. But she's not allowed to in front of our 2yr old any more, after she took a flying leap and smacked me in the forehead mimicking her mom.

  • Maguita NYC

    Oh great. Now he'll be saying all kinds of stuff in front of the kid and get away with it... Until your kid starts repeating EVERYTHING you say.

    I bet your wife would then have absolutely no problem resuming hitting that big bald head!

  • So THAT's where the term codpiece originated.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    This is pretty amazing, and pretty much why the internet was invented. Obscure etymology, thorough research, visually clear learning aids, and dirty words. I applaud you for bringing it to my attention (though since I'm at the office, I shall refrain from clicking through at the moment).

  • JJ

    Coincidentally, mine is nicknamed "The Timeglider."

  • NateMan

    "Tiiiiiiime is on my siiiiiide - like my penis!"

  • Joe Grunenwald

    I sincerely hope that, somewhere, John Cleese is being recorded reading these lists aloud.

  • NateMan

    With a gun to his head, because that makes it funnier.

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