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Your Dick Is Dumb, So Let The Brits Help

By Andy Edison | Miscellaneous | March 4, 2017 | Comments ()

By Andy Edison | Miscellaneous | March 4, 2017 |


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Let’s say you’re a guy. And you can’t trust your dangly part because it’s left you asking questions before. Like that one time you just finished bumping uglies and while you’re lying there in the afterglow you wonder to yourself, “What was my thrust velocity? Is my girth okay? Did I burn the requisite calories for the day? How many positions did I just fucking OWN (in my mind)? And can I track this on Bluetooth?!” Fear no more!

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There is a new product that is (maybe) coming your way. Get yourself The Ring! British Condoms (Hey Petr! I’m so sorry) has developed the World’s First Smart Condom.

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Not really though. It’s a ring that goes on your condom with a “band adjustment feature”(heard that before) that will fit snuggly on your standard rubber ducky (WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURS?!). They say it comes with a one-year warranty (good to know), it’ll have a USB charging feature but can last for “six to eight hours of live usage” (they’re really trying to shame me now)and it will sell for $74 here in the states, $97 in Australia and the all important £59.99 in the Mother Land. It’s a bargain, right??

So what do you say? Want to share your (I’m sure pleasurable for you and hopefully the one you’re with) sexytimes with the world?

No? Didn’t think so.

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