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December 25, 2008 |

By Seth Freilich | Miscellaneous | December 25, 2008 |


I fucking see how it is with ol’ Nick. Just cause I’m a Jew, that fat fuck thinks he don’t need to leave a little something something under my tree?

Yeah, I got a tree. And not just in a pot. That fucker’s got roots, son. Been growing it in the living room for two years now, hoping it’ll open up a portal to Faerie one of these days. Ain’t done shit so far but keep me up at night with all its rustlin. …Still can’t figure out how the hell it rustles inside without no wind.

In any event, fuck you, Jolly. Cause I woke up this fine Christmas morning to find that the tree was calm, and a gift was waiting for me. Not from you, as you well know, reindeer fucker. Nope, this fine gift was courtesy of the internets. And now I’m a-give a gift by sharing my find with all these fine degenerates who’d rather spend Christmas day in Paheeba land than hang out with their families, or go to the movies and get Chinese food, or do whatever their wonted holiday thang is.

So blow me, Santa, cause you’re an asshole-eooo-eooooyeeeyeeeeo. (He’s an asshole, such an asshole.)

Santa parks in handicapped spaces / Seth Freilich

Miscellaneous | December 25, 2008 |




Seth is a Senior Editor and sometime critic. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.


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