Dear John: We Don't Care If You're Gay, We Don't Care If You're a Scientologist ...
I see you're in a bit of a pickle (again). Over the past few days, there have been some accusations flying around, and both you and your legal team have been trying to put out the "he's gay" flames. Every now and then your fellow actor and Scientologist, Tom Cruise suffers these sorts of accusations as well. And I thought to myself, what can we, your public, do to help the situation? As your semi-adoring fans, we know your image is important and we want to help. Then I realized, what better than a personal, public letter?
John, first I want to assure you that we don't care if you are a Scientologist. This is America and you are free to worship whatever deities you choose, be it man, woman, alien or goat. I won't deny that some of us don't entirely understand the whole Xenu thing, but you know what, we don't understand things about a lot of religions. That isn't the point--the point is that this is America and you can pray to your television if you so choose. We may chuckle, but will still see your movies.
Secondly, I want to assure you that we don't care if you're gay. Even your friends have put out messages of support; Carrie Fisher: "My feeling about John has always been that we know and we don't care." We here in Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, Iowa, Washington, D..C., Maryland and Washington are especially okay with you being gay...North Carolina, not so much. But eff them, you don't need to go to North Carolina anyway, right? Do people even make movies there? Regardless, there are certainly plenty of gay friendly areas in these here United States, so feel free to come on out of that sauna and declare yourself. If you want to get married, President Obama will support you!
Now John, here's where things get a little touchy. (Literally, from what I hear.) As I've mentioned, we're good with the Scientology and we're good with the gay, but what we're not good with is being an asshole and harassing your fellow man. I'm not a lawyer or anything, but just to be clear, I'm not saying you are an asshole who harasses your fellow man, but if you are and if these allegations are true, well then that's the moment you're not on our good side any longer. If those allegations are true, as you were masturbating and grabbing some dude's junk, you said something along the lines of: "Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity." Now when we, your semi-loyal fans hear things like that, we start thinking about other actors who have spewed hateful comments (Mel Gibson) and we start thinking about how it seems like when people get to a certain level of wealth and fame, they think they can say or do anything. But you know what, John? They can't. Because sooner or later, some of that bad behavior gets just a little bit out of control, and no matter how much money or power they have, not every individual can be intimidated. In fact, there could be droves of people who will get tired of someone who thinks he can get away with harassing them.
As they say, you are innocent until proven guilty, so we--your semi-trusting fans--will supportively stand by as this trial plays out. And we will continue to not care if you are a Scientologist. We will continue to not care if you are gay. Just please, don't turn out to be an asshole. It didn't go well for Mel...
Ever So Sincerely,