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July 29, 2008 |

By Miscellaneous | Miscellaneous | July 29, 2008 |

Ah! The sweet, overly-ripe smell of nerdstink in the morning. For the first time in 39 long years, Comic-con has sold out before the event even began. With more and more mainstream coverage due to it becoming a mecca for movie announcements, our nerdy safe-haven has become the thing we’ve feared, dreaded, and oddly looked forward to the most: mainstream appeal.

Armed with an arsenal of flasks, water bottles, small camera, portfolio (in case that bigshot director wants to see your work!), and comfy-as-all-get-out shoes, I was fucking prepared for the warzone ahead. A warzone of pungent, pimpled arguments pitting Battlestar against Star Trek, Marvel vs. DC, nerd vs. geek. Upon arrival on the first official day I immediately run into Frank Darabont, director of Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Mist. The guy is fucking amazing, so warm and he let me hug him a whole bunch. I was pretty damn weirded out while we were talking, since he kept rummaging through his bags, only to present me with a print of an alternate DVD cover (by Drew freaking Struzan!!!), which he also signed. He was just glad to be recognized. Awesome start! No less than 5 minutes later I met Dian Bachar who played Choder Boy in Orgazmo. Excuse the zombie-grin, the Troma booth calls for it.


Don’t judge my tastes people. The man is barely 5 feet tall and he only gets dreamier when you imagine a 12-inch dildo attached to a helmet on his head.

Moving right along! The next day was a panel I was much looking forward to: “Spaced,” a phenomenal series written by Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes, directed by Edgar Wright and co-starring the amazing Nick Frost. If you think Shaun of the Dead is the best thing ever, then you’d be wrong. It’s actually “Spaced.” They’ve finally released a DVD for North America, and our panties couldn’t get wetter. It’s not really news, but my God are those people fucking fun when you get them in a room together.


Unsurprisingly, the theme of the con was The Joker. The first guy scared the holy living hell out of me and had a laugh you could hear booming from halfway across a hall crowded with over 150,000 people. Now THAT is a Joker. Is it strange to have thought he was completely awesome? Because he was. He intentionally sought kids out to make them cry. And the Joker in the nurse outfit? My hero.


Cut to Saturday. A late start was had after a night of heavy drinking and … strippers?! I had no idea comic book artists rolled so dirty. We show up a tad late, and who do we run into but the also incredibly short Seth Green. Shortly after the picture was taken I realized my belt was undone, clearly in shambles and helpless against Seth’s undeniable sex appeal and smooth silky moves. By smooth and silky moves I mean he told me “please make it quick.” You know you wanna hit that, ladies.


The time came for the panels I had waited all weekend for: Drag Me to Hell and Pineapple Express. We had to sit through the last half of the Death Race panel, the new film starring Jason Statham and a remake. Honestly, it looks half-terrible and nothing new, but Jason Statham is a charming motherfucker and gorgeous to boot. However, nothing is more adorable than 5,000 nerds singing Jason Statham “Happy Birthday” and making him blush. Awwwww!

For you Land of the Lost fans, they’re remaking it with Will Ferrell and Danny McBride with the original writers on board, with a trilogy in mind. I was skeptical at first, but everyone on board looked so happy and felt so passionate about the project. I don’t know much about it, so I didn’t quite pay attention. But it did look quite wonderful from the clips they showed.

Finally, Sam Raimi appeared to ridiculous applause to promote Drag Me To Hell starring… JUSTIN LONG?! The fucking MAC guy!? Die. The trailer was rolled, and it was met with an overwhelming (and loud) “meh.” And then they showed 2 long clips which made me wish Sam Raimi would re-assemble that shitty trailer. Because those clips will sell you on this movie as much as it sold me. A true return to form for Raimi in horror-comedy. Well played, Raimi. Well played. (I’m trying to find a place to upload it, Universal is FAST at taking it down!)

Oddly enough, I sort of love Justin Long now. He was fantastically hilarious, quick, and way too charming to be comfortable. It’s pretty jarring to dislike someone so much only to have him win you over in less than 5 minutes. Sigh.

I didn’t bother much paying attention to the new Underworld prequel. It looks like some horrific shit, with the production designer of the previous 2 films taking over as director and the star of Doomsday being the female lead. The only thing that held my interest at ALL in that movie was the glorious Bill Nighy. Hilarious bloke, and a hot piece in all respects, baby.

I really don’t want to say much about the Pineapple Express panel. I apologize for shaking the camera so much, it’s damn near impossible to keep it steady while laughing my ass off. Those guys are quick as a whip, and this movie looks pretty amazing. “I just thought it’d be fucking awesome to have a stoner action movie,” Seth Rogen says, and I couldn’t agree more. The guys from the first clip are from the amazing “Human Giant” comedy site, and if you have no idea what I just said, google “Will Arnett Olsen Twin Sex Tape” and you’ll see what I freaking mean. Comedy… gold. (And Rob Cordry from “30 Rock” and The “Daily Show!” Squee!!!) The following clips are from the rest of the panel.

Can any of you help me? I think this guy is on “Lost” or something? He was freaking awesome.

That’s all I have to say about the experience really. Seeing that Ron Pearlman is really 5’7” and owns an adorable puppy? Priceless. Watching Samuel L. Jackson eat in a swank restaurant while wearing a ladies’ tuxedo and looking DAMN good? Exquisite. It’s crowded, insane, I have a slight fear of crowds, but honestly what can a bunch of nerds do? Roll some dice and decide your fate? By the time they roll that 20-sided die you’ve already sucker punched them in the balls. Comic-con! Where even the crossing guards have cooler hair than you ever will.


Alexa Castro is an enthusiastically alcoholic concept artist with as firm a grasp on English grammar as she has on her imaginary penis. She lives in Los Angeles with her boyfriend and paints monsters.

The Stink of it All: Comic-Con 2008

A Pajiba Reader's Account / Alexa Castro

Miscellaneous | July 29, 2008 |

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