Pajiba

One of my favorite Jesus quotes, from Cracked:

What would Jesus do? If you can answer that question with anything other than “shower the world with endless love and understanding, then flip a wicked ollie on a flaming skateboard,” then you and I have a very different understanding of the man.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/orson-scott-card-wants-you-to-rise-up-against-the-government-but-in-the-worst-way-possible/#ixzz11X8ISW8I

Now tell me that Jesus wouldn’t have rocked the shit out of a velociraptor.

That's how I expect...nay DEMAND my Lord and Savior return to this Earth! Bonus points if said velociraptor breathes fire and flies.

How's the old quote go? "Christiany would be so much better if it wasn't for the damned Christians"?

Lucky duck! I had to go to church until I was 18, non-negotiable.
I've actually heard some of the funniest (obviously non-blue) Jesus jokes in church. I think the humorlessness is more tied to the Angry-God churches.
Speaking of church shopping, I've been thinking of doing that myself. I'm an athiest but I kind of miss the ritual and community of church. Whatever, it's probably just a phase.

I loved that so hard.

Don't tell me God doesn't love a good laugh.

Fredo, I prefer the saying, "Jesus is great--but his fan club is full of assholes."

Thanks for the shout out, sir.

kate the great, my favourite part of that was:

"In a hundred years, flamboyant gay guys will be getting married in fabulous dresses on your grave, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it."

king, according to Richard Dawkins a lot of people in the Scientific community like to attend church for the ritual and church community. Just don't tell him or he'll revoke your atheist status.

One of my college roommates got a boyfriend who was a huge holy roller and had a stick up his ass as big as an oak tree.

He FORBADE her from using tampons (too much like sex), she could not look at other men for too long (like a lingering look), she stopped watching rated R movies (we were adults!), you get the idea. If he had "bad" thoughts, he had to go be alone to "punish himself." CREEEEEEPY!

So the other roommate and I started putting up Chippendale's posters and saying things like "JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK!" when he was around.

Childish? You bet! Fun? YEP! We were all Christian, by the way, we just didn't prescribe to his particular...flavor. Which was totally humorless.

*star flies across the screen*

The more you know.

Now, please explain to me what Immaculate Conception actually means as, the term in itself, implies one being flawless and therefore sinless.

"Immaculate Conception" is the dogma that Mary was born without "the stain" of original sin (we need baptism to rid us of original sin- adam and eve eating that apple). This made her an appropriate vessel for carrying the Christ Child. (It was Jesus who taught us to baptize our babies to free them from original sin.) Catholics celebrate the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception 9 months before the Nativity of Mary (birth of Mary). (The Annuciation of Christ is 9 months before Christmas, incidentally).

(Knowing random shit like this is what happens when you start to lose your Catholic faith and decide to read up on it to bring yourself back. Of course it backfires because there is some crazy ass shit in Catholic dogma. The Catholicism is long gone, but not the Catholic guilt still remains.)

I am a blasphemous atheist. I enjoy needling the faithful. One of my best friends is an Orthodox Jew and I like to make her try to explain all of their idiosyncrasies. (And there are some wild ones. Get an orthodox Jew to tell you about the conditions for the rebuilding of the Great Temple/coming of the Messiah, it's mind boggling

Of course it backfires because there is some crazy ass shit in Catholic dogma.

Catholics are cannibals who worship a zombie.

/no offense

Jesus must have had a sense of humor. For one thing, he hung around with fishermen. You have any idea what a Middle Eastern fisherman in 30 A.D. must have smelled like? I don't either and I don't wanna know. But I seriously doubt they sat around in their stench and held hands and sang Kumbaya. For one thing, I'd have to question whether they had all their hands, what with being around hooks and/or fishing lines and nets all day. I'm guessing the disciples were missing a few fingers and maybe entire feet, and when they lost them I doubt they said, "Oh, hey, golly, will you look at that? That there really hurt." I imagine they shouted whatever Aramaic for "motherFUCK!" was.

The rest of the time they sat around a fire and told stories and drank and told jokes and drank some more and belched and farted and had a good laugh. If Jesus couldn't make them laugh, why would they follow him?

Jesus Christ! The greatest fantasy character ever created!

Brought to you by Guys in Shiny Robes and Strange Hats.

Two years of Roman Catholic high school, along with 18 years of force church going has left me with three things...
1) A complete and utter fear of priests
2) A total disregard for any faith system
3) A hard core fetish for catholic school girl outfits

Saddest day of my life was when my father sat me down at 22 and tried to reconvert me saying I was going to hell unless I went back to a Catholic Church. Sad because he had no clue of what the church's stance was on "Just War" (didn't know the church was against the wars I was getting deployed to), evolution (thought "we" catholics are against it...no not since '59), and transubstantiation (Could not explain it at all and even admitted he disagreed with it after I explained it). I pointed out to my father that he seemed to be more Protestant than Catholic and we ended up taking an eight month break from each other.

Even though I know I shouldn't have done it. I did.

In the comments section of the Pajiba Love post about the Rutgers student, Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide after being outed via web cam by his roommate and his roommate's friend, someone mentioned that the Yahoo news comments are horrible and, like an epiphany, I realized that comments exist on other sites besides Pajiba. Seriously. This is the first, and until recently, only site where I've ever read the comments.

So, being steadfastly pro-homosexual rights and an attorney, I thought I'd be prepared for what I encountered.

I wasn't.

There's a Colosseum rating system (thumbs up and down) so that Yahoo viewers can rate your comments. At some point if you have too many thumbs down vs. thumbs up votes your comment is hidden.

So, there are many comments stating that homosexuals should be outlawed, banned, maimed or killed because the U.S. is a "Christian Nation" based upon the bible and that there is no such thing as an hate crime.

I replied that not believing in hate crimes doesn't make them non-existent as Federal legislation mandated that hate crimes exist and I equating such a belief as to that if you don't believe in gravity it doesn't make you weightless. Yes, that comment was hidden due to low ratings.

I quoted the 1796 treaty with Tripoli (which many of our founding fathers signed) which states that the United States was "in no sense founded on the Christian religion" and that also got hidden for low ratings.

I wish I never strayed from Godtopus.

One of my favorite bumper stickers: Jesus Loves You...Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Unlike the experiences of what seems to be the majority of people here, I grew up around loving, well-educated, and extremely rational Christians. I've doubted, investigated, and read up on my faith, and somehow it's still there.

To be quite honest, seeing people making snap judgments, throwing out hurtful comments, and advocating hate crimes under the name of something I hold precious is more infuriating and terrifying than most of the "blasphemy" that seems to anger them so.

When it comes to religion I feel like Fox Mulder; I WANT to believe. But at the end of the day, I just don't think I can. For me the religions cancel each other out. They can't all be right, so I think they are all wrong.

And if I hear or read about one more religious nut that states emphatically that the US Constitution established America as a Christian country "under God" I'm going to stab them with a crucifix. The US Constitution is REALLY short and the only time it talks about religion it grants the freedom to believe whatever you want to believe. Please stop trying to re-write history because it seems to be working with the more easily gullible in our nation. A number I'm putting at about 75% lately.

I don't think you could pick a broader term if you tried.

But I am glad that so many educated Pajibans cleared up the Immaculate Conception snafu. I was a religion major, so hiccups like that get me. I'm sure someone else grabbed up regale and Qur'an/Koran as well.

Always the bridesmaid, myself.

Just in case some people might be confused, transubstantiation is the belief that through the ceremony performed during a mass, the bread and wine literally become the body and blood of Jesus. Cannibals indeed!

Posted by: jesuschrysler at October 6, 2010 4:42 AM

Pretty sure that Aquinas put it thusly (I paraphrase): transubstantiation consists of the substance of the bread and wine being converted to the body and blood of Christ, but not the actual material. No Catholic believes (I hope) that if you pumped their stomach a clump of flesh would come out. Rather, something a mite more mystical is happening. The bread and wine do not cease to be bread and wine, but are rather the body and blood at the same time.

Again, voluntary and varied religious education.

And yeah, I grew up around a lot of hateful garbage, but I didn't embrace it or reject the names they threw around in their muck (love, justice, God, etc., etc.).

I hear a different message. One that says there is a force for change that you can ally yourself with. One that says that the world sucks, yes, now do something about it.

Is there a version that keeps people down? Absolutely.

But it makes me get up.

you fall pray to some really challenging Doublethink.

That is kind of an awesome typo.

I'm a committed atheist (though not quite committed enough to post it as my religious views on the facebooks, for fear of being crucified). I firmly believe that god does not exist in any form. I do not begrudge people their belief in a god or spirit, however. And I try not to condemn anyone based on such a belief. I just wish people with religion wouldn't begrudge me my convictions. On a personal level (e.g. my family), they don't, really, except to the extent that they think they're helping me (I don't need help, guys. I'm good, thanks). It's the people that don't actually know me as a whole person that judge me based on that one aspect.

Meanwhile, just like everybody else, I'll just keep on trying to get through this thing called life. And I'll watch Dogma again. 'Cause it's funny.

Godtopus forgives you, Smokey. May you never stray again.

Posted by: mswas at October 6, 2010 6:39 AM
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Now say 10 "Hail, Dustin"s and five "Our ,"s and get the hell out.

Smokey, the Yahoo comments boards are like the bathroom stall of the internet. Just laugh at their ignorance and bad grammar. And try to avoid the smell too.

Robert Scott, you magnificent bastard. Thank you for the Ministry reference.

Also, Mr. Comma, I wouldn't get too excited. She does that when someone giver her cake too.

My parents aren't perfect but I'm eternally grateful they're both atheists and my siblings and I were raised without religion. We weren't banned from it, if we were interested we could explore. We even went to Catholic school for a time simply because it was geographically convenient but our attitudes towards religion have always been completely chill.

I've been in a few situations where people have tried to convert me and it always confuses me. It's one thing to have your beliefs and live and let live but why do you need me to agree with you? If you are happy living your life in your way then why do you need me to also live that way? If I'm not hurting anyone then why does it matter? If you were really at peace with your beliefs then you wouldn't need anyone else to agree with you.

I can only guess that believers take that shit so seriously because of fear. Fear of death, fear of going to hell, fear of being wrong... I don't know. It's so bizarre.

The problem with mocking Islam is that the typical believer knows less about their own religion than the mocker. It doesn't matter that Mohammad was a genocidal, child raping monster because the average (and I mean globally) believer in Islam can't read their own language, let alone read Arabic. Millions of people will brute memorize the Quaran and will never learn what a single bit of their chant means. This is why imams are able to make fucking retarded fatwas against everything from women talking to each other, to rain falling on even numbered days and no one says "Hey...that fucking stupid" because they literally do not know better.

Making fun of that faith is literally so easy, its like pushing a retarded kid down a flight of stairs.

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're a cunt.

Just adding my 2 cents:

Religion is a pointless waste of time. When I think of all the things that could have happened (or happened a lot sooner) without the interference of religion (all over the world, not just here and Europe), it makes me kinda sad. People claim to get comfort from religion, but it sure doesn't look that way. Seems to inspire fear and hatred far more than comfort.

Watch this trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scW90Q6Z_OM

This is why we left the church. And yes this happened to a number of people we knew, including relatives. I come from a family of twelve aunts and uncles and fifty-six cousins. All Irish-Catholic. From Boston. Let's just say if you want to see me curse you out, come try and talk to me about Jesus.

Lingli: There's also something similar in Cabazon, which is in California, althought a pretty remote corner about a half hour or so from Palm Springs. Remember the metal dinosaurs in Pee Wee's Big Adventure? They fell into disrepair and were bought out by creationists. The gift shop includes figurines of knights in shining armor battling dino-dragons which is such an awesome idea I almost wish Creationism was real so that actually happened. I've been meaning to go for years but every time I head out that way I always get sidetracked into the Salton Sea (where I could seriously stay for weeks, its such an amazing place).

@Coryo, way to bring St. Thomas up in here. Will you be my friend?

Hi! There are some interesting points in time in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There is some validity but I will take hold opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as well