Pajiba

My kid just wiped her nose on my husbands cheek. Miserable slog indeed.

Clean your room, they said.
Eat your vegtables, they said.
Do your homework, they said.

Don't kill me, they said .

Remember Pajibans: Buttsex is natures contraception.

Heeee. I seriously wonder about the sanity of those "ohhh, motherhood is SO fulfilling. I just love every moment of being a mom!" people.

Personally, I suspect that those people are either heavily medicated or lyinng through their teeth. OR, they really don't want to go back to work and they hope that if they keep gushing about the bayyybeee, their husbands/partners will sigh and support their asses for the next 18 years.

Anyhoo, I agree with all of it. Except the part where your kid is the best because, ummm, have you SEEN my little seakitten and seacannibal? Let's just agree that it's a tie and I'll put this here rake down.

I'm sorry for that rant. I'm REALLY a sane person. I've just been driven temporarily insane.

But I AM glad I no longer have to watch kid TV. Ug. Kill me with that shit.

My ex and his beautiful wife just had a new baby (thank you Facebook for keeping me aware of this important information) and my petty, petty heart is overjoyed at the thought of their seemingly perfect life taken over by this baby. He now loves something more than the woman he left me for. Their exhausted eyes and strained smiles make my day! I suddenly value my single, childfree freedom!

Hmm...no wonder I'm single. I'm an awful person. Well, at least I'm not inflicting it on a poor defenseless baby.

When people ask me, I just say, "Never." If they keep it up, I may outline my many, many reasons for not having a kid; but the biggest one is, I don't want any. I just don't. The End.

I do like "none of your business" as a backup, though.

(I think most of them may have finally given up! Except for this one girl I had in a class who I run into on campus every now and again who will continue to ask me for as long as both of us go to that school. Luckily, I don't run into her often.)

Seriously, WHY would people want you to have a kid when you don't WANT a kid? I mean, it's not like a bracelet or even a car that you can just trade out or sell or something. Believe me, you CAN'T sell kids, there are laws against it.

AVB That's one nice thing about getting older--some issues just stop being issues. Around the time Only was about 9 or 10, people totally stopped asking about a second one. Nowadays I get the occasional "oh is she your ONLY ONE?" and this one lady, when I said yes, actually tilted her head to the side, made a super sad face and said "AWWWWWWW!" So I really did this: I asked her how many kids she has and she smiled and said "FOUR!" I tilted my head to the side, made the same super sad, lower lip sticking out face and said "AWWWWWWW!" I started to add "DAMN, THAT'S A LOT!" but figured she got my point.

HAHAHAHAHA.

having children sucks. it totally interferes with my narcissism. it cancels out my nihilism(I can't simultaneously be nihilistic and invest so much in the future). it jolts me out of the decades of neverending childhood I have been enjoying for myself, never to return until senility. it completely destroys my ability to make every question revolve around what fulfills me. virtually none of childrearing is about my gratification. and the little buggers end up connecting me to community and get me thinking about how society unfolds and my role in it and the future, and I am an all about me in the now kinda guy so, yeah, having kids sucks.

Alli NOPE! YOURS WILL NOT BE THE EXCEPTION, MY FRIEND!

In fact, all of your CHILD'S friends will appear to be perfectly pleasant and rational and polite around you and other adults (who aren't their parents!), so you'll start thinking OTHER PEOPLE HAVE GOOD TEENAGERS, but no! They do it to drive you insane! They're only nice around you because you aren't their parent. If you ask their parents, they'll tell ya: same Satan's ass-spawn that your kid is being at home. DON'T BE FOOLED.

God damn it, MM, you have to send your dog to a good school.

Ah hah hah HAHAHA. Yeah, my dog went to a class - couldn't have been more than $300? - I don't remember. Now he has a "Canine Good Citizen" certificate.

Done and DONE.

Paddy, it's an emotional minefield. Even when you DO have kids, if you have one kid and disagree with another parent, they say you can't understand because you "only have one."

If you have a bunch of kids and they have one, well, "the dynamics are different." If you have a kid younger than theirs, you'll understand when YOUR kid is this age. And so on and so on.

Nope, no kids here. I value my freedom, for one thing. And I just make enough to care for myself and my 2 dogs and 1 cat. AND, I have 200 'kids' at work every year. I care for them and plan for them 10-12 hours a day from May through September; that's plenty of parenting for me.

And then when my kids there go and get themselves knocked up, and I damn well know they can't afford a cat, much less a kid... I sigh and feel distressed. Just like their real moms.

And when my dog is being an ass, I can yell at him to go outside and stay there. I think there are laws against that with babies.

Given that I constantly question the decision to propel new lives towards an uncertain future (read: The Monkey-Cyborg Apocalypse), it seems wrong to suggest anyone else do the same. Why encourage one more potential Humungus for my future ferals to compete with?

Those of you with one child, lemme tell you - having a second child means you now actually have three critters. You have each individual child, then you have the...creature that they are together. It's starting to even out now, but my kids were at each others' throats for YEARS when they were little. They can be angels when apart, but hellions when together. My son actually tried to suffocate his little sister once - he put his hand over her nose and mouth when she was a baby "to see what would happen." (He was three, not a serial killer in training. As far as I know.) *That* wasn't in the parenting books.

And the scheduling - with the first, the schedule is sacred. You work around the naps, the feedings, the playdates. Child #2 gets to nap in the car while you drive Child #1 to soccer practice, and has to eat whatever you can toss her way while en route. "Suck it up, buttercup" should've been my secondborn's first words, because she heard it often enough.

My sister-in-law is getting ready to have her second. She and her husband spoil the everlovin' shit out of their first, catering to her every whim. I just smile and smile at her, because she (and her firstborn) have no idea what's coming.

Uh, I swear I adore both of my kiddos. But nothing could prepare me for the entity they are as a unit.

I have the horror that is a 16 year old. She wrote us a note last Saturday-
"Mom and Dad, went to aunt's house-love you...(sometimes!)"

Yeah, don't ever need more than one. The prophecies never says Antichrists.

Oh Kati, I'll freely admit I avoided a lot of shit by stopping at one. We've never dealt with fighting, we've never dealt with tattling or "THAT'S NOT FAIR!" When something is broken, we pretty much know who did it. Schedules were a breeze. All parental resources went to just one kid. Not only that, but we had her fairly young (barely 24 and 26), so at 42, I'll have an empty nest. HELL YEAH!!!

I'm actually quite proud of my parents. I'm the eldest of FOUR kids (my mother wanted six, why, I will never understand) and people still try to give her parenting advice, even though the youngest is 15. Gladly, she doesn't force advice onto other people. Except with babies. Baby, babies when it comes to new mothers. Which, in this town, are totally fucking stupid. They actually tend to ask for advice...which hey, you asked for it. Here it comes, moron.

I have periods when I think it'll be neat to have at least one kid, but then I see how my younger sisters act I just think, "Ugh!" and roll my eyes, "No way."

I'm still on the fence. It's hard when my mom keeps telling me, "Candee!! I want grandbabies! Nooooooooow!" when the only male interaction I've had in three years is a guy she met at work that's only been here for 6 months. Who is at our house. Allllll the tiiiiiime.

Oh I forgot - my mom always said that she would have been much happier if she could have sent me & my sister away somewhere (anywhere - she didn't really care) at 12 and gotten us back at 21. She also told both of us she'd be cool if neither of us had kids, and that she kind of regretted having us, because it prevented her from all the travelling and fun she wanted to have. Blunt, but honest and loving.

Snuggie: I have a daughter a couple of years ahead and can confirm there is light at the end of the "Princess Bitchface" tunnel. Its nice if/when they start treating you as a flawed human being who did their best rather than a failed god.

You're welcome :-)

If nothing else, PBfS has one upside: "YOU DON'T LOVE ME, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" does give you plenty of quiet time.

Now she is at university, the main issue is finding time in each others diaries to catch up. Even though the spaces between conversations has grown, mature adult conversation makes it worth waiting for.

I've never wanted children. Even when I was little, when I played dolls, they were never my children. They were always my "students" or "patients" or something like that.

I don't hate children, nor do I even dislike them. I just don't want one. I have my reasons, and they are quite private.

I have a cousin who doesn't seem to understand that, though. She always asks me when I'm going to have one, usually publicly, and it is only my southern charm and upbringing that has kept me from physically attacking her during Christmas dinner and ripping her arms off like a wookie.

I hate kids. Except my two little monsters. Oh they're monsters for sure but they're my monsters and one little kiss and a whispered (or shouted) I love you Mama erases all the anger of that one time the toddler pooped on the bedsheets, or regret of all the partying I missed.

The only thing I do regret is having them so young, that I wasn't able to fully enjoy my 20's before popping two out. I know I missed out on a lot of traveling and partying, but what can I do? But I've been lucky really, I live in a country where even the middle class can afford stay-in nannies and family bonds are so strong, grandmas practically beg us to leave the kiddos with them (if we're not already living in the same house/compound as the grandparents).

So yeah, I can understand how hard having a child can be there in America, with all the scheduling, high nanny costs and minimal family support. But it has thankfully, worked out for me, so far. I mean, they're not teenagers yet.

I remember that old campfire story about a ship going down and you can only save one person, you have to pick your wife or your child? When we were still childless, my wife and I would take these wild vacations all over and we would find ourselves riding these makeshift boats. I would turn to her and say that if we did have a child, I would save her instead of our offspring because we can always make another right? She would roll her eyes at me then punches me in the crotch for saying something so stupid.

Fast forward ten years and I have the most perfect 3 year old daughter in the world and I remembered that story. I would totally let my wife drown rather than let anything happen to our kid. Having kids suck. Screws up your priorities.

I've never wanted children, for lots of reasons, but my procreating colleagues refuse to see that may be a valid choice. Every other week a new, snotty, mewling brat is placed before me to fake cooing over while their smug parent tells me that I'd change my mind when I had one. Er no, that's what the coil is for.
Thankfully my brother now has two mini-me's, relieving the pressure on me from my mum for grandbabies, but the fella's parents are desperate for them (his sister has two step-children, but apparently they're not 'real'...could have fooled me) so I get to have this conversation at least once a week at home too. I may get Jason's responses tattoed on my forehead.

I've just returned from catch-up dinner with my parents and my older brother, and for a bonus dynamic his lady-friend. I'll be 24 in a few hours, and my brother is 27, to set the scene.

Lately, It seems everytime these dinners happen The Old Man takes a moment to reflect (silently) on how different they are from those we shared years ago. Tonight, together, we discussed politics, religion, music, film, art, life, the universe, and everything..

But, I can tell he remembers a time when we may not have had much more conversation than a sullen "I hate pumpkin".
Two teenage boys do not a happy household make. This is not anyone's fault.

These days, both our parents will sometimes stop, and just listen to my brother and I jokingly debate, going off on tangents, cracking jokes that have The Mother in fits of giggles. Once in a while, we'll even agree on something.
That's when The Old Man just takes a sip of his beer and smiles, and once, under his breath, I heard him say to himself "best thing I've ever done".

The years of 12-13 were the worst yet. People tell you about the terrible twos? They have nothing on middle school. When the hormones are running rampant and they don't have anything approaching an adult brain yet.

My kid's 15 now and there were days when I never dreamed she'd reach it.

Being a parent does have its rewards, but it's like the lottery: you don't keep playing because you win every day...you keep playing because you might win big now and again.

Thanks for making me laugh guys! This is making me see "getting dumped by a guy who wanted to have 4 kids with me" in a whole new light.

I think I might want kids some day, or rather a kid, but people always say it's not fair to the child and they'll be lonely and ill adjusted and blablabla. My relationship with my sister is pretty shitty and I know she didn't turn out to be the person my parents had hoped she'd become. As a child I often wished it was just me at home. On the other hand, when I see my friends from big families have the best time with their siblings I can't help but miss something...

Luckaly the kids thing won't be an issue for a long time, since I'm currently enjoying the rebound life of booze and fornication, instead of domestic bliss. When I'm done mopping the bar floor with my hair and having inapropriate adventures, maybe I'll think about kids again, but until then, I'm making every guy wrap himself in condoms and head to toe cling film before he gets anywhere near my ovaries.

Go back to your ranting people, I really enjoy your stories!

Ah, Jason, methinks I love thee!

I actually had a pregnancy scare this week. Menopause SUCKS, cause you never know if you're not getting your period because you're in menopause or because you're preggers. Anyway, while I was on the table, my gynocologist told me I had my period. "No, I don't." "Yes, you do." He holds up a bloody swab. Great, no really, great! (combination sarcasm font and happy font)

But just to make sure, he sends me for a sonogram. Well, let me tell you, those sonograms they show ladies having on TV are a LIE! They don't roll a mouse like object over your tummy. IT'S A PROBE. I gulped and shouted, "WHOA! I have a tampon in there!" The sonogram lady left the room while I removed it. Then she came back in and stuck the probe up my vagina and used a trackball with her other hand to manipulate what she was watching on screen. I heard a few too many "Ooops!" come out of her to be truly comfortable. Then I realized, I'M A VIDEO GAME! She has the joy stick in one hand, and a track ball in the other and she's playing me like a FOOKIN VIDEO GAME.

Captain Tuttle: "Oh I forgot - my mom always said that she would have been much happier if she could have sent me & my sister away somewhere (anywhere - she didn't really care) at 12 and gotten us back at 21."

I think that's why boarding school was invented. Seriously.

My wife had a hysterectomy for medical reasons 1.5 years ago which finally (FINALLY!) silenced the "When are you going to have kids of your own?" questions. See my kids, which I love dearly, are actually my step-children. I don't care about this but apparently your tolerance for inane bullshit goes up when they are "your blood" as I have been told numerous times. Which is actually MORE offensive than the constant battering about children.

But having kids makes me no more tolerant of other kids or worse, their fucking parents. I like the acronym OPK, or, Other People's Kids to describe any situation where I'm annoyed by the behavior of a stranger's offspring. I'm not sure if I coined that myself, but if I didn't I have no idea where I heard it. So I will claim credit until I hear otherwise.

I have a son entering high school next year and while he is a bit geeky and tends to get picked on, things seem to be ok. His mom and I are just bracing for the teenage hell storm to kick in full force. I think he'll be ok, his 10 year old sister is the one that's going to be a problem. She enters middle school next year, is already mouthy as hell, and I am starting to be afraid. Very afraid.

Parents can hate me all they want, it won't change anything. Ha ha.

And new parents ARE (usually) insufferable. It's kinda like people who just started dating (read: fucking) or people who just got married or people who just bought a house. They apparently think they're the first ones to ever do it (whatever it is) and therefore, it's so fascinating to the rest of us, we won't mind hearing about it every goddam waking second of the day. These people are wrong. Very, very wrong.

Most people (in my experience) tend to calm down after a few years when they realize that what came out of their loins is no more special to the rest of the world than anybody else's spawn. Of course there are always a few who think that having a kid makes them parenting experts. Actually, some think it makes them experts in everything, as if having had a kid magically imparts wisdom in all kinds of completely unrelated areas. These people are also very, very wrong. Frequently wrong, about lots of things.

People with teenagers do get a little sympathy from me. Teenagers are often horrible. Then again, so are many of their parents. Present company excepted, I'm sure.

Expecting my third in September, have a 3 and 1 year old now. Love them dearly and love being their mother, but I work about 12 hours a day and see them very little, so it's easy for me to say :).

I've always told Mrs. , that, sure, we can have a second kid, soon as the first one is out of the house and financially secure.

Been 25 years now and I haven't had to father anything again.

KBALLS IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

"Just hoping he's not as stupid as me or his father, and only half as reckless." -captain tuttle.

Not. Gonna. Happen. I've raised three teenagers, last one is currently 15. They will ignore every good thing you ever teach them and develop every bad habit and flawed tendancy you have tried to hide from them. So start preparing now for the risk taking dumbass of the future and save your tuturing and music lesson money for alcohol. You'll need it.

Well this is depressing. Smart funny awesome people HAVE to have kids. Haven't you seen Idiocracy??

Also, the vitriol directed against parents and babies is a little puzzling to me, cause. Aren't you glad someone was dumb enough to give birth to you?

I forced my husband to sit down and read this and his only reaction was, "That's messed up." For the last year the man has been pressuring me to catch the pregnancy virus, joking about hiding my birth control pills and tossing me the Babies R' US catalogue whenever that shit comes in the mail.

I'm 24 and we live on a military base so I'm odd girl out for not already have three kids by my age. I'm sick of kids and we don't even have them yet. I'm two years out of college; I want to ENJOY getting my recommended eight hours of sleep, getting drunk on a Wednesday night because I feel like it, flying on planes and hating other peoples' screaming babies rather than hating my screaming baby, being a selfish human being with disposable income, and yes, having sex in the living room. I want to ENJOY my youth, dammit, not waste it on someone else's youth.

Oh, and to all my Facebook friends who are new parents: how can I say this delicately...

I do not give a shit about your baby. Nope, not even yours. I knew you in high school, do you really think I'm excited about you passing your remedial English-needing genes on to another generation? I don't need to see three photo albums of Jr. lying on his back because he can't do any damn thing else yet and I don't give a shit that he likes applesauce. Find something else, anything else, to talk about.

You're all correct in all your statements. And my children are better than everyone else's (of course), even though #2 is a little weird and moody and #3 is just plain nuts. And just because I have three kids does not mean I want to hold your new baby. I'm so not interested. You may think that incompatible but I assure it's not. I saw a post on some online baby forum once stating with incredulity that some people have kids simply to check another life task off the list. Why else do you have kids on purpose? I spent years saying I didn't want to have kids but then married someone (an eventual anthropologist) who definitely wanted kids because that's what humans are made to do. And I couldn't disagree with his logic. Granted I would probably only have two if it weren't for birth control laziness after the second, but I don't regret our decisions. Even though we currently live in hell having three kids, the oldest having just turned five. Oh, and it is hell, the whining, sibling fights, mood swings, food issues (what is so hard about eating?!), endless baths and bedtimes. I always say I didn't have kids for now, I had them for later. I do want a big family with grandkids down the road. I do want us to gather for Sunday dinners in our amazing outdoor living and dining spaces for big meals with wine. And I want to watch the gratitude in my kids' eyes when they have their own kids and realize just what they put us through when they were young.

Someone said something around here in the last few days along the lines of there being two people in this world, parents and children. My husband has always said that too, and I'm happy to have moved away from the child designation. I'm not going to lie, I feel like a better human for having done so.

I will end with some self pity. My children have taken away our social lives and all fun that once existed. And they are currently making me fat. But our lives are certainly filled with purpose, which is good, and the kids are frequently cute and loving. And yes, my life satisfaction has gone WAY down since having kids, compared to non-parents, but let's compare again in 20 years and see where things fall.

I know I'm all over this thread like Kim Karsashian on....something. But I did want to share this: I have a friend/work colleague who was recently pregnant with her first child. And I decided I LOVE this woman. Why?

1. The whole FREAKING time she was pregnant, the only time she would even discuss her pregnancy is if you asked her directly about it. Even then, she kept it short.

2. She never griped and moaned about the pregnancy. Even if she had, that would be understandable, but she is professional down to her toes and didn't want to gripe at work about something so personal. SHE'S AWESOME. (On the other hand, I work with another woman who started bitching non-stop starting when she was about five hot minutes pregnant.)

3. She had the baby. She put a simple announcement on FB with a picture. She mailed out simple announcements in the actual mail. She's home with him now, but she never posts about his poop, spit up, his every move, etc. She did not share the gory details of the birth with everyone. She only talks about him if someone asks!

She's so....normal and sane about the whole thing. It's amazing. So there are awesome new parents out there who don't assume you want to hear all about their kid.

Most people (in my experience) tend to calm down after a few years when they realize that what came out of their loins is no more special to the rest of the world than anybody else's spawn. --Slash

My sister-in-law has not yet calmed down (her spawn are a 13 year-old girl and a 9 year-old boy) and as far as she is concerned, the fruit of her loins have the most special, precious personalities of any kids anywhere. She decided to home school rather than let the unwashed masses destroy the wonderfulness that are her two jewels (I suspect my brother does much of the teaching).

Don't get me wrong, they are, in fact, nice enough kids. But the sun does not shine out either of their asses.

I chose at age 14 to NEVER inflict on a hapless child the kind of adult selfishness I witnessed first hand, not only from my own parents but also from the parents of other children.

Yes, you heard me. Parents are selfish creatures too. Each time you tsk, or sigh, or say. "Not now Johnny, can't you see Mommy's on the phone?" it is hurtful to the child. Some children will shrug it off, but others...the more sensitive ones...will become damaged. Not because mommy & daddy actuallyt did anything out of line, but just because the only creatures on the planet more selfish and self-centered than parents are CHILDREN!!!

I chose at 14, no parenting for me...EVER.
I chose surgery at 25 to guarantee this.

I'm the cool and mysterious Aunt to my nieces and nephews. I send them books. I've traveled all over the world and they've benefited from my travel tales and the odd things I brought back. They never give me lip when spending a long weekend or week over the summer.

And truth be told, they are every single one of them absolute monsters to their own parents, but totally cool little people around me.

I made the absolutely right decision, for me.

I just want to say I am childless so far, but only 27 and married 4 years. We are coming to that time when it pops up here and there. I shut it down fast when we got married at 24 and one relative asked about babies. I said I wouldn't even think of it until 28. Cue 28th b-day in a month. One person asks about kids. I said I am a little busy with this new move and new job. Not to mention an unemployed husband and debt from moving. I am such a planner and it just won't happen until I feel secure and ready.
I really enjoy this thread, because I have always been ambivalent about having children. Actual pregnancy scares the bejesus out of me. And if I thought getting married invited people to get all up in my personal business, I know that will be increased 100 Xs if and when I have a kid. Aside from the idea that I can't stay home with my kid since I am and always have been the breadwinner which has already caused scorn from my own wonderful mother, despite my awesome hubby being a day-care kid. I recently mentioned that I think I only want one kid, and my mom freaked out.
I think part of my ambivalence comes from the idea of being told to have TWO kids. The more I think of only having one, the calmer I get. So many friends (mostly Facebook) are starting families and it alternately freaks me out and then makes me yearn for a kid.
I know I am babbling, I am just saying that this could not be more timely.

"How come you never had kids, Norm?"

"I can't."

"Gee, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I look at Vera and I just can't."

CHRONIC low-level disdain, Inept. Chronic. You have to include that, if it fits. But yes, use it. Sometimes I substitute scorn for disdain (on the worse days). It's the chronic part that has really gotten under my skin lately. I've handled about 18 months of ongoing low-level disdain/scorn and it's sort of worn me out at this point. I recently called a parenting time-out and tagged Mr. Snuggie for full time Dealing With Her duty until I could feel positive again. It worked. I only needed a few days.

In that self-imposed downtime, I read Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, and while I don't agree with all of it, I like about 90% of it and it seems to be a very common sense approach, so I'm sort of coaching husband on the side (I read the book, so I'm feeding the techniques to him in bits and pieces).

Recently, I overheard another exchange which he handled BEAUTIFULLY and I texted him immediately with "GOOD JOB!" We have to support each other in this.

We also have to sometimes look at each other and say hey, she's not on drugs (that we know of), she's not having sex (pretty sure on that one), she's not out drinking (still hates the taste of alcohol), she's not skipping school, joyriding, shoplifting. We say that to each other. We nod, we go "this is true" and "we've got it good" and "this, too, shall pass."

BOTH of us were much worse as teens.

Pinky! Kidding, we totally will be.

Snuggie, I should mention: "Princess Bitchface" is taken from a book "The Princess Bitchface Syndrome" by Dr Michael Carr-Gregg. It was given to me by my ex/her mum and is essentially a parenting guide for parents of teenage girls. It was handy but essentially boiled down to "be a parent, not a buddy".

Snuggie-I'm hopefully having another kid because we have the emotional/physical/financial resources to provide a loving and safe environment for a little one who is going to grow up (hopefully) proud to be a liberal feminist. The sibling support is just icing on the cake. I loved being pregnant so we might try for one more biological kid and then pick up* a third one from the foster care system.

*Obviously I am joking about the picking up part-it's a huge undertaking to adopt a child. The mister and I were knee deep in that circus when nature finally kicked in after years of trying.

Well said, Slash.

Ooooh, Dave, I'm going to find that book.

Slash - I think one of the hardest things about becoming a parent is revisiting your parents' parenting. My mother ran a tight ship and we had a very regulated, reliable household, but holy shit will I handle emotional situations differently. I look back at certain scenarios I'd never questioned and think "What the hell was that all about?"

I was never one of those weird kids who idealized their parents, but I also never formed concrete criticisms of their parenting until much later in life. I'm looking forward to having your forbearance - I'm not there yet.

They are wonderful with my children, though, so I'd never, ever let on I was having those resentments. Too late and too unproductive to broach them.