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Blame Your Lousy Sex Life on Your iPhone

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (37)



hottest-girls.jpg

You might recall a review I wrote last week for a documentary called Orgasm Inc, which was essentially how the drug industry was inventing and defining female sexual dysfunction in order to create a market for Lady Viagra. That Lady Viagra has not hit the market in the United States yet, but it’s evident that drug companies are still planting the seeds of female sexual dysfunction.

The latest? A study by Bayer Pharmaceutical, which claims that smart phones, email, and the Internet are killing a woman’s sexual life, at least according to 28 percent of respondents. What’s not apparent from the article, however, is if it’s the man’s use of iPhones or the woman’s use of iPhones that’s disrupting their love lives. After all, in last week’s Social Network Trends, we learned that Facebook is dominated by women. Personally, I just find it annoying when women check Facebook on their iPhones while we’re supposed to be watching “Community” together.

The study also found that the average woman respondent has sex only 1.4 times a week, most of them want to have more sex yet rarely initiate sex, and that men don’t put enough effort into wooing them. Sounds like that study has been watching too many episodes of “According to Jim.”

If you’re worried about the iPhone and Facebook disrupting your sex life, you can probably expect an increase, as another study showed that Facebook and Twitter use increased by a combined 100 percent over last year. Twitter traffic was up 45 percent while Facebook traffic was up 69 percent, though I suspect that a lot of that increase has been due to changes in FB, which make it more difficult to find whatever the hell you want to find.

Yet another study not surprisingly reveals that Facebook doesn’t actually strengthen your friendships though 90 percent of disappointed respondents expect it to (the article headline — “Users of Facebook’s Social Network Are Mostly Anti-Social” — is somewhat misleading). I actually thought that the most interesting nugget to come out of that study was how respondents rated whether the following messages were appropriate to post on Facebook

  • My son graduated from college (92.8% feel this is appropriate)

  • My wonderful father died last night (57.2%)

  • My wife left me (10%)

    The take home here? It’s OK to share deeply personal things on Facebook about everything but your love life. That aligns fairly well with my own beliefs.

    So, to sum up what we’ve learned today: Facebook use is increasing and it’s messing with our sex lives. But please don’t talk about that on Facebook.









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    Comments

    I created my first facebook profile since the summer I got out of high school (I ingored/deleted it within a year, and facebook wasn't that big yet 7 years ago) and I hate the god damn thing already. It's an unnecessary clutter of information from people I am completely apathetic towards.

    I agree there's a bunch of great stuff on there, but I can't help but feel like it's mostly geared towards people trying to stay as relevant as they were when their world was oh-so teeny tiny during high school.

    Funny little tidbit though; some girl from my HS class found me through a friend, and had heard that after high school I ran off to become a buddhist and disappeared off the face of the known world. WTF!

    Although considering my strict adherence to the Harry Lockheart philosophy of "cut 'n' run", I couldn't really blame her.

    Posted by: D-Day at May 6, 2010 8:49 PM

  • After being in pretty deep, I left the piece of shit known as facebook about 3 years ago, and I have never looked back.
    In fact, what the fuck am I talking about.

    D-Day: Good to know there's another brother in the Lockheart brotherhood

    Posted by: actwithoutdoing at May 6, 2010 8:56 PM

    Whoever thought that facebook strengthens friendship does not live in the real world. Facebook friends are nothing flat two-dimensional images floating on the interweb. I wish making "friends" were that easy! I think one of the reasons that most people nowadays rarely enter into meaningful relationships with each other (and by "relationship," I do not mean only "romantic" ones) is they tend to think relationships are easy, and can be taken for granted. Relationships are not easy; one has to work hard to earn friends, and even harder to keep them.

    Posted by: KV at May 6, 2010 8:56 PM

    to the above...

    And I'll say this now: the vast majority of them are not worth it.

    96% of people are scum. The chance of meeting, and making friends with one of the 4% percent. Way too slim.

    Ergo: fuck 'em, and fuck facebook with its 96% of fake dickheadery. You all look like dickheads on that site.

    Posted by: actwithoutdoing at May 6, 2010 9:03 PM

    I'm in college, and mostly use facebook to keep up with my friends from home. It works pretty well -- we don't really have each others' email addresses, and texting is somehow too personal/intrusive/active/short a form of communication for the "catching up" kind of thing.
    The weirdest thing about facebook, for me, is the Pajiba community there. Because I don't use my real name here, and so I'm never sure that the people I'm friends with on facebook know who I am. But I will say that y'all are WAY more active on facebook than my school/home friends. You absolutely dominate my newsfeed, and you only make up like 5% of my friends.

    Posted by: esme at May 6, 2010 9:06 PM

    *pokes esme

    Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 6, 2010 9:17 PM

    The real question A-W-D is where the hell is Perry?

    I'm also seriously resistant to the 'Jiba on facebook, as I fear it taking over another portion of my life a la esme. Anonymity is important when a) you say as much dumb crap as I do on a regular basis, and b) you don't want the ladies beating down the doors at all hours of the night when you unleash the RD-DayJ.

    Posted by: D-Day at May 6, 2010 9:23 PM

    I have yet to join the Pajiba Facebook. It's not that I wouldn't like to get to know all of you more...it's more the fact that you bunch are a motley crew and I think I would have trouble explaining why I have random people posting pictures of RDJ on my page and yelling "BUNK", or any number of depraved things that I know would eventually happen...explaining that to my real life friends would be difficult.


    Also, I like me privacy, and knowing what I look like and the city I live in makes it a helluvalot easier to stalk me.

    Posted by: ashes at May 6, 2010 9:35 PM

    Well, this post took an unexpected turn. I'll just note this: The Pajiba Facebook is awesome, D-Day. Don't resist it. Sure, it's taken a lot of folks away from here and created quite a bit of drama from time to time, but by and large, they're spectacular people who really are friends and supportive and friendly and funny and great. It's like the comments section here, only there's no illusions of staying on topic. It's one giant, 24-hour hijacked thread. It's most likely the exception and I don't even get over there very often myself, but ... yeah. It's like the best place in the world to go for people to be anti-social together.

    Posted by: Dustin Rowles at May 6, 2010 9:37 PM

    D-Day...yeah that was not posted when I started typing, I said the exact same thing though.

    Also, I apparently became a pirate in the second half of my comment...

    Posted by: ashes at May 6, 2010 9:38 PM

    Look, I'm sorry, but that title is god-damned grammatically backwards. "Blame Your iPhone on Your Lousy Sex Life" makes it sound like my lousy sex life got me an iPhone. No. It hasn't. I wish it had, actually. "Blame Your Lousy Sex Life on Your iPhone." That is the phrase to use, & it's a much sadder & more honest state of affairs.

    Noted and corrected. -- DR

    Posted by: HungryJoe at May 6, 2010 9:38 PM

    ... & furthermore, I'd also like to suggest that the takeaway might be backwards. It's not that you can't post romantic things on Facebook - it's that you can't post depressing romantic things on facebook. What if they'd asked if it was appropriate to post, say, "My horrible, alcoholic Dad died last night" or "Just met the woman of my dreams"?

    Posted by: HungryJoe at May 6, 2010 9:42 PM

    I jeeeeest joined the Pajiba facebook world and they're the filthiest cuties ever and, well, so far so good.

    Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 9:46 PM

    @DR

    I hope I didn't mean to come off as "too good" for Pajiba people in real life, that would be rather silly.

    I'm debating hopping on, as I don't really foresee any problems with it, I just tend to be a private person who prefers the intimacy of human interaction more than social networking. It kinda felt like crap to me when everything shifted towards "I'll hit you up on facebook/AIM/etc.", because I'm just the kinda person who is going to drop a text to meet at a coffee place and pass over attempts to get a hold of me through a screen.

    Also the word "drama" scares the crap out of me. The negative connotation that is associated with that word (High School) is just utterly repugnant to me. Noting that I've pissed some people off with attempts at humor here, which most of the times are based on a sense of humor that is mild in comparison to most of my friends (not a defense, but some know what I'm saying), I just don't like having people upset at me. That last part is a big fat d-u-h, but I ain't gonna lie.

    There's probably some people who I wouldn't mind actually keeping up with, so we'll see if going forward that has any sort of effect.

    And @ashes, it's all good in the hood. When I type my posts it takes forever, I leave it, get a drink, come back, and then realize when I hit "Post Comment", half the time I've moved down half a dozen spots and have become completely irrelevant.

    Cheers!

    Posted by: D-Day at May 6, 2010 9:55 PM

    I'm most likely odd. Well my friends say so. I have 35 faces on my facebook thing for various reasons, unlike the 35 of them who have hundreds each. Work sends me all over the world and a few months in one place is a God send. Often I am out in the middle of nowhere and Facebook for me is a great way to keep in touch with friends and I could be very alone on this one but it also keeps me very sane when the only company I might have is a disfunctional co-worker and some adopted ethnic pet, usually a scorpion, snake or a rodent. On a normal note I have gotten laid 4 times as a direct result of long lost friends finding me on the thing, two of them are repeat offenders.
    As for the iPhone ruining the sex life?
    Well my Blackberry has enhanced mine no end. Quality viewing of porn,Facebook, good picture and video. Hey the screen might be smaller but its easier than trying to balance a laptop at that crucial moment.

    Posted by: peanut at May 6, 2010 9:56 PM

    i don't use face book myspace twitter or an i phone I'm just happy to have had one truly great best friend online before our friendship broke even though she's a Muslim i do hope i meet her and her family in heaven and hope they're judged righteous people.

    Posted by: Utah Dynamo at May 6, 2010 10:08 PM

    Oh. . .just. . .no.

    Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 10:23 PM

    Y'all need a Pajiba only Facebook account. That's the only way I got conned into doing it.

    Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2010 10:28 PM

    P.S. The Pajibapeeps are awesome, and I ain't talking about that nasty candy.

    Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2010 10:29 PM

    Dammit, I just typed "awesome". Kill me.

    Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2010 10:29 PM

    I travel a lot for both business and pleasure, so I have a lot of friends all over the place. It's easier to keep up with them on Facebook. I hate recounting my life story of the past 8 months every time I finally get to see someone again, so this way they know what's going on already.

    So I don't have to tell every single person I know, individually, that I'm engaged and how we met and who he is and what he does and when we're getting married and where and how's that going and how's school and what classes am I taking and when am I graduating and what degree I'm pursuing blahblah ohmygod if I have to repeat all this one more time...

    Which means when I DO get to see my less-local friends, we can get to the fun stuff more quickly. I resisted the Facebook for a long time, but when most of my friends moved to there and Twitter, I pretty much had to move with them. Le sigh.

    Anyway, all of this has had no effect on my sex life. Except that maybe I have more time for sex because I don't have to CONSTANTLY TELL PEOPLE ABOUT MY LIFE.

    Posted by: Nat Kittyface at May 6, 2010 10:38 PM

    Facebook helps me keep up with my huge family, all of whom live far away. I'm even friends with step-nieces and second cousins--people I was not in touch with at all before. So every time I think about chucking Facebook altogether I remember that. And when people get annoying, I just hide them.

    I recently moved all my Pajiba friends to a new account so that we can play more freely on my wall. Now I rarely spend time on the other account because the 'Jibans are so much more entertaining and interactive. It's not all superficial silliness, either. I mean, there's plenty of that but I've also had meaningful conversations with several wonderful people.

    Gosh, I'm getting all sniffly over here.

    Posted by: lainiefig at May 6, 2010 11:14 PM

    A Pajiba-only facebook account is a great idea, and it's worked perfectly well for a couple of people. We have good times there.

    And I don't know, you can be as private as you want to be on facebook, and no one can pressure you into doing something you don't want. You don't have to tell everyone everything about yourself (hell, some people haven't ever posted a photo of themselves and THAT IS OK) to have a good time, is all.

    Also, they can make a female Viagra but no one's come up with a decent male contraceptive pill yet? COME ON, get the guys on that shit so I don't feel horrible about forgetting to take a pill one day.

    Posted by: figgy at May 7, 2010 12:33 AM

    The best part about Facebook, to me, is simply that it allows you to keep up with people you can't see anymore.

    I've lived in three different countries (two different states in the US), and not one of my lifelong friends lives even close to me. Facebook is the absolute best thing I've found to keep up with them.

    So please just stop disparaging Facebook because it doesn't work for you. If it's not your thing, fine, but it's not completely useless for everyone just because YOU don't find much use for it yourself. If you're lucky enough to have everyone you know be RIGHT THERE then great for you. Some of us just don't have that option.

    Posted by: figgy at May 7, 2010 12:38 AM

    No Facebook. No iPhone. No DVR. No Twitter. No cell phone.

    My sex life went in the dumper the old-fashioned way. I GOT OLD.

    (And so did Mrs. ,).

    Posted by: , at May 7, 2010 12:42 AM

    1.4 times a week?! I don't think social applications and your communication device is the problem. Get new men.

    Fb is fun but you have to keep it in perspective. I have less than 200 "friends" but MOST (other than the Pajibans) I know in real life. I have friends and family all over the country so it is nice to be able to rapidly see what is going on with people when you may not have the time to interact with them. It's disassociating ourselves from each other, that part is obvious. But like email or texting, it's a shorthand to communicate pertinent information rapidly.

    I have friends and family I don't see for months at a time but thanks to FB and the like you can be lock step with each other like no time has passed.

    Posted by: TylerDFC at May 7, 2010 6:43 AM

    Thank you Pajiba. My inept house mate got all excited about joining Pajiba on facebook (don't know why it toook him so long) and spilt his rum and coke all over the keyboard which is now as sticky a fly paper. At least it should keep him occupied and quiet for longer.

    Posted by: bob at May 7, 2010 7:59 AM

    Facebook is the easiest way to keep up with friends and family. Anyone looking to strengthen a relationship through it is a vapid moron. I am terrible with calling and emailing, so throwing up some pics or an occasional status update can keep people I care about updated about my life. I update my status about once a month and appreciate the occasional update from everyone else.

    My biggest issue has to do with people that update their status several times per day. Please stop. Facebook is not a forum for you to feel important. These are the people that strike up conversations in elevators. I don't want to talk about the weather, dildo. Yeah, it's fuckin' hot outside, thanks for the bulletin. Shut yer yapper and stare at the numbers (or the elevator inspection certificate if you're more literary) like the rest of us.

    Also, I am good in short bursts of commentary, making me a perfect candidate for any comments section. I don't make big speeches or pontificate about the political topic du jour or ramble on about my love for sports (which is immense). After dousing my friends' updates with interesting comments, I mentally yell out, "You've just been KBALLED motherfucker!" Then I scratch my nuts and have a fanta.

    Posted by: Kballs at May 7, 2010 9:24 AM

    Cindy, if you really hate peeps, then we have nothing more to talk about. Nothing! Peeps are the work of a kind and loving Godtopus who wants us to put them in the microwave and experience the wonder.

    Posted by: mrcreosote at May 7, 2010 9:40 AM

    I'm with figgy - I've bounced around from country to country, state to state so much, left so many people behind. Before the advent of email, let's face it, writing letters or paying out the nose for long-distance calls was the only way. Now I get to see my college roomate's kids, keep in touch with the great people in my life that are 2K miles away, and passive-aggressively post status updates harrassing my sister.
    I refer to FB as a Human Rolodex. Everyone's there, at your fingertips, if you need to reach out for any reason. It's also a lot like being a a room with everyone you know: some you stop to chat with, other's you nod at from accross the room, only making yourself as available as you need to, and some (if you are lucky) you make plans to have dinner with.

    Posted by: courtney at May 7, 2010 9:48 AM

    D-Day, I'm on the Facebook and act the same damn way I do here. Pajibans are a remarkably tolerant group of people. But I'd agree with Cindy, set up a Pajiban (or as I refer to it, a deviants only) account and go balls out. Mine account is for real as, if you've ever known me, you know exactly what you're going to get.

    Posted by: admin at May 7, 2010 10:05 AM

    Rabble rabble rabble I might do it at work today, considering I've done a half hour of work this week and yet they'll pay me for 12, might as well do something productive!

    Posted by: D-Day at May 7, 2010 10:43 AM

    D-Day. Come find me on FB,
    Lindsey Withan'e'.
    I am the Pajiban FB pimp. I will hook you up, yo. That goes for anyone else too. And YES, Get a PAJIBAN ONLY ACCT!!!
    I find it is very liberating.

    Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 7, 2010 12:41 PM

    Alright, I'm on there. I caved.

    p.s. where do I send Linds the Pajiba Mother's Day gift?

    Posted by: D-Day at May 7, 2010 2:22 PM

    p.s. where do I send Linds the Pajiba Mother's Day gift?
    Posted by: D-Day at May 7, 2010 2:22 PM

    So does this make L'w'a'e the Pajiba Mom? And if so, can we all agree to take all disagreements to her Facebook Wall to be settled?

    Xtreme: admin stabbed me!
    admin: did not, I shanked that fucker! Totally different, and he was asking for it anyhow, dissin' my sparkles!

    Lindsey with an 'e': alright you two, knock it the fuck off or the Godtopus will suffocate both of you with his almighty tentacleness!

    Posted by: Xtreme at May 7, 2010 3:43 PM

    "with his almighty tentacleness! "

    --or is it her tentacleness?

    Posted by: D-Day at May 7, 2010 4:02 PM

    i have to say, ever since lindsEy pimped me out to the 'jibans, i've had a blast on facebook interacting with everyone.

    some friday nights when i'm too tired to go out, i'll just fuck around on facebook with 'jibans (and non-jibans) for hours.

    facebook is also excellent if you want to drink, don't want to go out, and don't want to drink "alone."

    somebody is always drunk and looking for SHENANIGANS*** on facebook.

    ***admin™

    Posted by: stopthemadness at May 7, 2010 6:07 PM