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Behold The Tit Sling That Wants To Save You From Underboob Sweat

By Kristy Puchko | Miscellaneous | August 9, 2017 |


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Welcome to Pajiba’s latest spotlight on WTF—is this a thing? Previous installations have included hidden suspenders, ugly and confusing jeans, even more ugly and confusing jeans, vagina glue, and dick tip stickers. Now, we beg you to behold the idiotic wonder of a terry-cloth tit sling called “The Ta-ta Towel.”

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Please note this model’s Mona Lisa expression. Does she like having her tits slung in towels rigged with an adjustable elastic cord? Or is her inner monologue a defeated mantra of the enslaved prehistoric animal appliances of The Flintstones: “It’s a living. It’s a living. It’s a living.”

Anyhow, invited by Erin Robertson, the Ta-Ta Towel is not intended to be the chic-est new look on the beach, or a daring top for the next pop starlet to startle oldz as she takes to the MTV Whatever Awards red carpet. It’s a towel for your tits. Because underboob sweat is real, and really annoying. Which sure fair. But how much would you be willing to pay for this deeply unflattering boob hammock:

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Did you say $45? Because they’re $45.

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But hey. You don’t have to limit your Ta-Ta Towel to the bathroom. Though it was invented to keep sweat from racing down your belly as you blow-dry your hair, it’s apparently also great for gardening.

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Cutting potatoes.

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Having coffee.

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Being a cowgirl.

Or being sort of dressed while downing a pint of ice cream and watching reality television.

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Dammit. I may have sarcasmed so hard I like this now. I don’t know who I am anymore. You know what? If this makes you comfortable, who cares if it looks ludicrous. You do you, Ta-Ta Towelers.

The header is from a comical musical number in Beaches. But if you want to know who actually invented the modern bra, it was an American socialite who refashioned herself as Caresse Crosby, after she refashioned women’s under things. Learn more about her here.



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