Pajiba

Tidings of comfort and joy.

'Twat the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a beaver was stirring, not even a titmouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas' poon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-bums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down with the long winter's clap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a moaner,
I sprang from the bed with my sizable boner.

Away to the window I grew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up my sash.
The moon like a breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day objects to blow,
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But a miniature slut, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick.

More rapid than premature ejaculators they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Slut! now, Whore! now Trollop, and Vixen!
On your face! on your ass! on, Wench and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the windows, to the wall!
Now flash away! flash away! flash away all!"
As dry heaves that before the wild whorricane flies,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount it twixt thighs,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of sextoys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The pounding and panting of each little hoof.
As I drew out my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed in his fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with asses and coot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his crack,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his sack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! Ass dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, my throes, like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was white with fine china snow;
The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

It was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I gasped when I saw it, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of the head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all our buttocks; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of my hose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sluts, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him climax, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

THAT'S IT.

The Internet, you've had a good run, but it's time to go away now. The costs have now grossly outweighed the benefits.

Never in my life have I encountered an artist so dedicated to her craft. Every single song falls in line with her target themes, choreography, and vocal styling. It is a joy to discover such a unique and steady vision in the world of music. To be frank, it's enough to make this cynic's heart grow three sizes just in time for Christmas.

Rhianna must be so pissed right now because, minus the auto-tune and T-Pain, this was track number one on 'A Very Special Christmas With Rhianna'

That's a terrible choice in paint color. What was she thinking??? It does nothing for her graduation photo (the obvious centerpiece of the living room) and the Santa picture is such an afterthought. Very curious.

Maybe she's from a country where bold colors are considered stylish. Maybe the paint guy at Lowe's was drunk. Maybe it was the only way to hide the blood splatter. Maybe she . . . what did she just say?

Oh. I see. Carry on, then.

The only vagina on that aberration would be postoperatively activated. Look at the size of those mitts. "She" can one-hand dunk an exercise ball.