Pajiba

Oh, thanks a lot, Sunshine, the nipple thing's gonna keep going. Still, I suppose Pajiba often follows my graduate alma mater: I'll find a way or make one.

That said, I'm all about comfort.

That trailer looks like something out of Tim & Eric's. And I haven't a fucking clue what it's supposed to be about.

I mean, if you're doing it right.

Above the waist, annnnnnnd try not to make anyone feel uncomfortable? Motherfucka please, my Wednesday night bible study class is dirtier than that Rowles.

I need some clarification Rowles, can liquids taken from below the waist be used as a conversation piece for discussions about activities above the waist?

If I'm standing on my hands "above the waist" becomes relative.

*eee* Weekend hijack thread! Thanks, overlords!

Now to get my heinie (oops, that's below the belt--sorry) out of the office and into my home. Later, kids!

If you're really tall and hang around with midgets, then this is just kind of anti-calves.

Filty, filthy calves.

Someone lick my calves! Quickly! They're burning up in anticp.

Pation.

Okay, to borrow from Clone High, new rule: no touching below the eyebrows.

2) I ask only that your conversations stay above the waist.

You HAD to have known what a statement like that would lead to.

Pshaw, you guys are so predictable. In other news, After Last Season is obviously a highly scientific medical documentary about the MRI machine. I believe it focuses on the little known fact that the machines have been know to come to life and murder people. Usually by moving boxes around the room.

You think I come into the weekend thread completely naked to have a civil conversation?

This is naked time. Don't fuck with my naked time.

y'all are making me feel uncomfortable.

i'm tellin.

What if you have no waist you insensitive bastard?!

Posted by: admin at April 4, 2009 5:21 PM

This has got me thinking, what if...you're just like, a torso and shit, like the guy on the Metallica's One video.

a torso.

Or the black knight. "I've had worse. Come back and fight like a man!"

*desperately tries to think of a diversion question to take this thread off track but can't. aw, fuck me in the ear ... wait ...*

formerly bucdaddy, I'm trying to decide whether "fuck me in the ear" breaks Dustin's ground rules or not...I mean, your ear is above the waist, but if it's being fucked, well...you know.... Thoughts?

Good point, Edwina. Magnificent one, even.

Ah, what the hell--let's give formerly bucdaddy the benefit of the doubt and assume he's being finger-fucked in the ear. That's not too dirty, right?

So, I take it next week's will focus solely on beneath the waist?
Also, how long are these false names lasting? Is this a bandwagon I should be jumping on?
I've been looking into taking suggestions for a new rap name. Optimus Rhyme is apparently taken by some nerd-core group. I want something with pizzaz and sass.
SOMETHING WITH PIZZAS

Actually, this thread is cracking me up - I love the creativity that restriction breeds (can I say breeds?)

Hell, worked for Nicholas Meyer and Jack White.

I'm shocked that it was you that charged the electrified fence, Pinky. Of course you can't come back now.

Do not go on.

Just came in from a walk in the brisk evening air, and man, are my nipples hard. It's probably about 55 degr ...

*hears Figgy scream from 2,500 miles away*

Oh, don't start THAT again. Look, we will say "nipple" to you if you do not appease us. You must show us ... your SHRUBBERY!

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

DR: ", (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), ten-minute misconduct, commenting below the waist."

fuck

*snatches gloves, skates to penalty box ...*

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

DR: "You wrote 'snatch' and 'box.' Give him another 10 to think about it."

fuck

Don't wizz on the electric fence, Jay.

Well, when Ms. rayliota gives a setup like that...

Oh and don't eat that yellow snow.

Optimus, how about pizza face! Or, eat my pizza! Go on, you like it...

Damn, my cold medicine is making me mean. And gross. I really am a classy girl.

Mr. Rhyme, may I suggest: MC Stuffed Crust.

What I'm trying to figure out is why we're being chastised by a dude who sometimes compares movies to menstruation and medical examinations.

BSlim, torsos are great, they're easier to handle without all those unwieldly limbs.

That's fine, I just want pictures when he smashes into the side of a cliff.

I'm not comfortable discussing my privates around other people. It's a sacred place that only a select few have cast their eyes upon. After all, once they've made their way through my humidity-laden, dense briar patch and bore witness to the twisted wreck of Scarsville... Well, let's just say that the male genit...

Wazzat? Oh. Above the waist, huh? Well yesterday, I mentioned my left nipple opens the garage door across the street and the other one pops when my Hot Pocket's done. I think that about covers my "above the waist"...

Hey, the Hulk likes a baker's dozen. That's just his thing.

Sicilian, with lotsa cheese and meat. Real pizza meat, this place is hardcore.

I was born with these damn cheeks, they'll never go away. Fuckers.

Above the waist? I know I don't always get involved in those, but I was looking forward to some filthy distractions to free my mind from the ever-growing to-do list for that HS theater program I've been talked into co-running. Forsooth, I verily have to direct a Shakespeare themed performance of that awful Taylor Swift song (Love Story? Is that the name? It just gets worse, people) because some students participating in a Shakespeare festival have no interest in acting or Shakespeare.

And someone smashed a giant piece of kitchen counter-top into my jaw today while demoing my kitchen. That was 8 hours ago, it still hurts, and I'm bruised. Not a great weekend.

So, Hulk, do you like your bourbon neat, watered down, or on ice?

Certainly doesn't break my rules.

I wish I could, rayliota. I really do. Too bad I'm crashing for an audition in 10 days where I'm up against some emaciated hipsters. I can't even have some of the delicious, handmade pizza taunting me from the fridge. I'm white knuckling it while running lines and photocopies.

All you need to do is contract the hideous cold/flu/sinus thing I've got going on right now and you'll drop the weight! My cheekbones are amazing right now! I ate three grapes today and drank a lot of green tea. Feelin awesome.

As soon as the garbage is out, I'm having about four fingers of Jameson... I haven't really eaten anything today either, so it should go down like eight...

Weirdly all I've got left in my stash is bourbon. Maybe that will make the pain go away?

Same as every Saturday, meaux. But it pays well, and still gets me out in plenty of time to hit the bar on the way home.

What happens if I'm in downward dog - there's pretty much nothing above the waist?

Here we go

It's not that difficult, and good for you at the same time.

Gin & tonic, with an Innis & Gunn chaser. Heaven.

So, considering that I like to wear my pants at about nipple height, I'm not allowed to talk about my luscious abs either.

That's some bullshit right there.

I had no idea this thread was here. I must learn to scroll down and actually pay attention.

To keep things on topic:

I made a limeade/chardonnay/limoncello cocktail thingie. It was tart and yummy. But that was for dinner. Now, I'm just drinking water.

Also, in keeping with the "above the waist" rule... I bought some new clothes!!!

Oooh, I have an "above the waist!"

Finally managed to wean my kid, and my milk is GONE! WHOOO!!

... although that means my boobs are gone, too....
*sigh* So long, dear friends, it was a good run while it lasted...

Now to get the hubby drunk enough to impregnate me again, so I can get them back

Is this grounds for divorce?

admin, As in "Chronicles of ..."? That's some weird shit there. You know what would be a good name for aa kid? Seven.

Luckily, I am under no such illusion. I think we both know that the only reason we'd have another kid would be for the boobs.

It was the first time in my life I had 'em, and I'll be damned if I let them go that easily! I breastfed my kid for 21 months, and had to live the lie that it was for her health. I just couldn't stand the thought of losing my cleavage... oh, glorious cleavage...

The only problem is having to share them with the kid.

See?

This isn't fair.

I'm into the shapes below the waistline. So we can talk about cleavage but not hips, huh? Speedskaters not allowed, huh?

Poppycock.

Below the waist? Then Kayanne's sandals are totally off-topic.

Joking, I'm joking. I swear.

Jakes:

That is some fucked up shit right there. Maybe....

Superfish, from day one my kids are on notiice that the boobage is not a gift, it is a loan. They are mine and I reserve the right to repossess at any time.

As soon as somebody comes up with cornbread that makes you lose weight, the world will be nearly perfect.

Amen to that.

Fuck, now I want cornbread and gumbo.

Thanks Tracer

Jake, sadly, yes. But no one seems to have gotten the hint about what sorts of new close I've bought.

Y'all have disappointed me.

You have very nice new bras I hope.

Which is way, way, way too much information to share with people in here.

Pfft, what do you care? Your abs are luscious anyway.

"Also, sweet tea vodka is the nectar of the gods."

I'm gonna need a recipe Tracer. It can wait until tomorrow though - I'm drunk enough - it took me twenty minutes to type this far...

Death Proof + Jameson = Happy Skitty*.

(*first person to make a Hello Kitty joke gets a turd on thier driveway...)

s. pisaster , girl I know exactly what you mean. I'm blessed with an hourglass and long legs, which makes it kind of hell for finding jeans. If you're looking for a nice trouser leg jean, you could easily find some at your local Gap or Department store. I recently got a kick ass pair on sale at Target on sale. For a great pair of curve loving jeans I've found consistency with jeans from Buckle (they're brand) and Lucky. Yea, they cost more than a pair of Toughskins, but I will wear them forever and still look hot. Bonus feature: they have several different leg lengths so I'm not stuck with high waters.

*sigh* I love my ass and legs in my jeans.

"And to get you started, here’s a trailer for After Last Season, compliments of Ironypants. Your task: Tell me what the hell it means."

It means that Mark Region (Director/Producer) needs to ask for his money back from whatever piece of shit film school he went to because I've seen 5-year-olds make better movies using finger paint and their own excrement.

You have very nice new bras I hope.

Jake, they're awesome! Although I found out I'd been cheating myself out of a cup, which has left me conflicted.

aka Sasha Pierced Nipples

I asked a girl a few years ago "do they set off the metal detectors in airports?"

She had them, you see.

But she said it wasn't really a problem.

Superfish man, that's exactly my problem. And it's so hit and miss...I bought two pairs at target that're the same size and style but different washes, and one fits well enough in the waist I can get away without a belt or alterations, but the other requires an industrial strength belt to keep it in the vicinity of my waist. Also, apparently I now wear a size smaller than I used to, though I'm pretty sure I haven't been shrinking.

You people talk about butt cleavage like it's a bad thing. You people are dirty commies.

Skitz,, 1) Go to the liquor store 2) Go to vodka aisle 3) Buy a fifth of Jeremiah Weed's Sweet Tea Vodka 4) Apply liberally.

In response to MrCreosote's suggestion, my wife has suggested a certain part of the female anatomy which rhymes with Skittimis.

Divorce averted.

s. pisaster - for jeans, here are two options: on the more expensive side, there is joe's jeans whose "honey" or "muse" fits are good. for the lesser expensive, gap's doing really well and not as many of their jeans are super lowrise anymore. i love jeans and had been hated the period of time where everything was so lowrise that nothing fit right.

jay- you have to be aware of the butt cleavage when you are sporting, so that person knew you were rubbernecking.. and liked it.

Husky was a word that has only ever been used to describe kids who are sad in grammar school.

What do you think I was talking about?

Jay, how dare you ask me about pierced nipples. Granted, they are above waste. But nipples were already discussed yesterday. And I ask that you stay on point.

I am trying to have a serious discussion about After Last Season.

Oh, and I'm a dude who is using the name and nickname of Beyonce Knowles to make fun of Dustin. So ask Kayanne, or Cindy, or Pink Hulk questions about pierced nipples.

When did this turn into a pants party?

Fine; I can't find jeans that will fit my waist and my thigh that don't look like I've taken a giant dump in them.

You've got to build up your ass, admin.

admin

It's always the thighs that fuck everything up.

Cindy, I assure you, I have plenty of ass. It's tight. My problem is that I have gigantic thighs to go with all that ass.

how dare you ask me about pierced nipples

I didn't.

I don't much keep up with what the young people are listening to these days, legib. I like the new Franz Ferdinand album though.

Buying suits makes me look like a box.

It is slightly annoying.

Hey, I've got an ass and hips too (and men's clothes assume you don't). And stumpy legs.

Scrooooowed.

Again, the boxy Dickies are all that keep me afloat (though they can kinda show you off too).

On a side note on the jeans thing, Matt stole all my pairs (aside from the sacred three that actually mostly fit) when I left for California because they fit him better than they fit me.

Sorry L.O.V.E, that's all I've got at this hour. Unless maybe they were all on acid.

Kids dull the brain, you know.

unfortunately with clothing the only thing to do is dress the widest/largest part of you (ass, hips, thighs) and alter everything else to fit. nothing is actually intended to come off the rack and fit anyone (unless you are the smallest "model" size). i worked for a large clothing line for several years (in menswear) and was horrified to find out that they acknowledged the fact that 20 separate size 36X32 pants would not fit the same way. nor did they care.

Cindy, this film is probably one of the most brilliant works of art ever.

Surely, you and I can delve deeper into its profound meaning.

Alright. Its meaningless drivel.

Lets talk about chicks, man!

Not everything obscure is art.

Chicks are cute. I'd like to see on in a color other than yellow though. Can't they be mutated like orchids?

So my dream of the perfect pants will never come true... drat - foiled again!

On that note, goodnight to you all. It's been fun. I'm going to try to compete for attention with "Indiana Jones & the Lost Ark" or whatever the fudge it's called. Wish me luck!

I think scientist are now able to genetically engineer different colors into animals now. I think for 10k you can have a pink cat.

(Setup. Calling Mr. Setup.)

Something about pink and pussycats I guess, but I can't be certain.

*Whiny Voice*

Duuustinnn.......Beyonces trying to make me say "pink pussy".

I think it rhymes with "delores"

Mulva?

10K for a pink cat?

Geez, that is some expensive pussy.

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

So, how bout that trailer, eh?

*crickets*

Aw, balls!

Like I watch the trailers.

hey everybodyfq! doeba sanyboby heree likes tha new............

(...hiccurp...),

I needaride to tha gassstaion for abritto.. Ima woozz...eee..>

ILOVE YOU MCCONOHAY! Dont you lets anybodiby telling you not for making the romamtic comdees. Yur're awezomes!

Is it wrong for me to complain about how hard it is to find jeans with a 31"waist and 32" inseam? I'll just hide behind this protective barrier while mentioning how stores only stock like 2 pairs and one of them's always a colour I already have and the other's overpriced...that or the legs are too short.

Figgy, I sympathise. And have nothing but the best wishes for your butt and hips to find the perfect pair of jeans and have many happy months of joining, and parting, and joining, and parting, and going up, and going down, and up, and down again...mmmm, hips...

Uhhmmm, wha? Where was I just now? Ah yes, picturing my new pin-up model. Never mind the jeans, girl, get a bikini, maybe a nice skirt, and get that fine ass to the beach already!! And post pictures. Lots of pictures.. Dammit Shadows, you've been remiss in your recon duties - I'm waiting on the last 3 months of photodocumentary reports! Don't tell me getting engaged has dulled your enthusiasm..a man waits this long for his weekly pick-me-up starts to come undone a little and maybe even loses a little faith in the universe, and his XO...

I know the burden you bear far to well figgy. I have to carry a big stick around with me to keep the ladies and gays away.

"No!" I say, "I'm married! You cannot have any!" Then I smack 'em with my Stick of Angry Denial. Then they beg, then they cry. It's hard out here for a pimp.

la-la-la-pouf-de-pouf, ain't nobuddy here, doodle-doodle-dee...eeeeeeeee.

sigh. um. so, who's being multiple man, Jay Edition? It's tricky to know, because I assume all suspected multiples are actually Skitz, who has been quite quiet, lo these many weeks. Skitz babe, where you been? I been up to nuthin. Oh - I've been noticing Lucas, newly delurked, yet concerned about possible thread-killing abilities - Hi Lucas!

loooo-loooowwww-leeeee-laaaahhhhhh...um, also, how cool is seeing all the new names in the comments? It's like we all have learned a VERY IMPORTANT LESSON this April Fool's Day, and I, for one, have achieved a luke-warm heart. I'm, ya know, just touching base here, now, because tomorrow I think I'll be a puddle sitting in my squeaky desk chair and using a box of kleenex tuned in to New Orleans. I doubt I'll be feeling up for jokery then. So, for now, it's boobies to all, and to all a good nipple.

...a pair of jeans that will fit a 5'3" chick with a big butt...

Posted by: figgy at April 5, 2009 2:27 AM

Sorry, but I never trust a girl with a big butt and a smile.

Now those are party chicks!

Did I miss all the discussion of jeans? Damn! I just wish I didn't have to pay so darned much for a pair that doesn't make my thighs look huge. I have very little ass to speak of, so I rarely worry about that, but I swear Costco cuts their jeans and khakis like rectangles. With no regard for the contours of the human body. I just wish I could buy a reasonably priced pair.

And I don't think it's Skitz as Jay. Too subtle for him. Too mean-spirited. But you think the staff? I feel Prisco is too busy for things like that, but I could see him pulling it off.

For all the girls out there with hips and long legs, I suggest Lucky Brand's 'Lauren Boot' jean. I wear them constantly. I don't have much of a butt, however they make mine look amazing while also contouring to the curves. Also, they look good with both heels and sneakers. Expensive, yes, but worth it in the long run.

rayliota Thanks! I have long legs and somewhat have hips. And no ass. It's weird though, because I had a bubble butt before I got pregnant with Little Snuggie 14-15 years ago. And it got flatter and flatter the bigger my front got. And I never got it back. So weird. Now it's flat as a skillet. So I blame the daughter, she stole my bubble butt.

Hey replica, thanks for the notice, but I'm not really newly delurked. I've been commenting pretty regularly since 2006 (started reading the site when "The History Boys" came out, and started commenting soon after).

We've got your green here in Metro Van..

We've got your green here in Metro Van..

Dean Wareham once wrote in a tour diary about border police checking for drugs when entering BC and how absurd it was. "Why would anyone bring drugs into Canada? Canada is where drugs come from!".

Sharks have 2 sets of working genitalia and no waists .... Double the fun?

I couldn't view the service either, though it didn't make the ol' MozFire crash. Not sure if there was something else I was supposed to be doing to get it started. But then it was one o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, so I was probably already drunk, and therefore unable to fully comprehend all this newfangled "technology" business. I did, however, drink a shot of tequila in AlabamaPink's honor.

Also, I have a psychotic pussy sitting on my lap. Discuss.

I kind of wanted to point out that today is Sunday, Edwina. Though I guess I could be mistaken about that...

It was lovely and made me realize just how much you all mean to me. I hate that you all mean so much to me, but you do. Jerks.

Odd, I had no issues on good old IE. Dustin, will Jay (not you Jay) archive that for people who couldn't see it?

well then it's probably just my crazy and unreliable laptop. This thing has been across continents with me and I am loathe to retire my baby.

Just exactly *HOW* much? Would you be willing to do anything...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 5, 2009 5:26 PM

As long as it's above the waist.

Let me congratulate you Rowles on your success in using the jedi mind trick on these simple minded motherfuckers. Rowles, you might be the first person in the history of hijacking to dictate the rules to the hijackers, sad. I’m sure you’re lauging at them, I know I am. People, since when do passengers give orders to hijackers? How could all you geniuses not see the scam that your dear leader was pulling on you? I can’t wait until next week’s predetermined, preplanned, preconceived, contrived, pseudo hijacking. You all disgust me, leave me!!!

mmmm I don't know, the Israelis have gotten pretty good at dealing with hijackers.

I just watched Friday's episode of Friday Night Lights and I have to discuss my simultaneous joy and heartbreak with someone-anyone because my friends don't seem to care. And I can't stand the assholes over on TWoP.

It was beautiful and everything good television should be. As much as I want to hate her, good Lord I love Tyra!! I want to live an interesting and surprising life too! And Tim leaving his cleats because he left it all on the field, heartbreaking. It's the same soulless idiots who made Fast & Furious number one this weekend who are preventing FNL from ever having a full season order. Can we please, Dustin, have regular weekly recaps like we do for Lost? If we have to cater to the comic book geeks (no offense) can we please indulge the fanatics of quiet television and small town family drama? Who's with me?

Austin..., HELL yeah! It was perfect. I was cheering like a big ol' dork when Landry ran. And I don't want to hate Tyra, but dammit, she makes it hard to love her sometimes. Not this week. This week she was great. And Riggins. Oh my. I just want to take him home. Put him in a hot bath. Wash his damn hair. Make him something to eat that doesn't come from a pizza box and then ... well, something distinctly non-nurturing.

I'm with you. I'd love to see more talk about "Friday Night Lights"!

Lainey, you can borrow my boyfriend (Mr. Kitsch) if you want to cook for him, but otherwise I don't share. That man is all mine!

I have cried three times in about a year. Once was my grandmother's funeral, and FNL was responsible for the other two. The first time being when Coach took Smash to try out for A&M and he told him this was his shot and God had placed him there at that moment to do what he was meant to do. OH.MY.GOD. The tears!! And then, the end of the episode when he thanked Coach. Then tonight, when Tyra was reading her essay. I felt that way when I was a college senior, and now, 10 years later I still want to grow up to be a generous and kind hearted person with an interesting and surprising life. And the montage, which usually makes me want to puke, was so beautifully done.

And back to TK, I wasn't as moved at the end when he put his cleats on the field as I was when I was crying over Tyra's essay because all I could focus on was his legs in those jeans. DAMN.

I'm so grateful for the renewal, but at the same time, I could totally sense that this season was rushed. The writers were trying to cram so much charater development into half a season and as a result football took a back seat...again. Each episode of the first season was about a team and the pressure building up each week to each game. Remember the episode when the entire town was on pins and needles, waiting to see if they made the playoffs. And MUD BOWL! And...and...and...I could go on for hours. Although this season was undoubtedly better than season two, I hope the writers are able to focus on the madness that is Devil Town even more next year.

I really do love Lost, it is great entertainment and intelectually challenging to keep up with, which is what I like most about it. But FNL is an emotional experience. The characters, especially the Taylors, are every day people who I wish I knew in real life. We should talk about this show every week. **starting a year from now when it's back on NBC because I'm too poor for DirectTV

Sorry about the love letter to a fictional place with fictional people doing fictional things.

Have you seen some of the things we, including me, write here? Shake off that guilt!