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That is Definitely Not What You Want to Wear to a Series of Murders Either

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | June 14, 2017 |


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Masterchef on Fox at 8:00pm ET.

The Putin Interviews on Showtime at 9:00pm ET. Hey, so, fun fact I learned from the Twitters: Oliver Stone’s son works for RT America, that being the American branch of the RT network, which is partially funded by the Russian government. So if you had any questions about the ability of Oliver Stone to be totally objective about these interviews, I encourage you to go ahead and answer those questions with “of course he’s not.”

Blood Drive on SyFy at 10:00pm ET. Series premiere. This is a show about a cross-country race where the cars run on human blood and I understand it’s supposed to be some kind of ridiculous grindhouse tribute, but I know enough about chemistry and math to just be angry with that premise. You know how most car engines work? Combustion. You know what’s really combustible? Most forms of gas or oil. You know what’s not, at all? Human blood. There are a lot of interesting properties to human blood but “combustibility” is not one of them. Also, the human body holds, on average, between a gallon and a gallon and a half of blood. A gallon of gas will get a car somewhere around 30 miles depending on make, model, driving conditions, etc. Because blood is not as combustible, we can posit that blood would get you maybe half of that (literally none of that but whatever, I’m trying to play along) so about 15 miles per body fed into the car. The shortest literal “cross country” route is I-80 which is 2,895 miles long. You’d need 193 bodies totally and completely drained of blood (which is hard!) to get that distance with the assumed miles per blood gallon conversion rate. The whole thing sounds like a concept dreamed up by a middle-schooler going through a particularly morbid phase. “Wouldn’t it be cool if there were a race where the cars, like, ran on HUMAN BLOOD?!?” No, it would not be cool. It would be horribly inefficient at best, and mostly just gross and dumb.

Fargo on FX at 10:00pm ET. Second to last episode. So if you’ve got bets to lay down on who survives the season, now’s the time to get them in.

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee on TBS at 10:30pm ET.


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