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5 Shows After Dark: I Know Some of You Wished For This. Wish Granted.

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | August 8, 2012 | Comments ()


Honey boo boo 5 Shows.jpeg

"2012 Olympic Summer Games" on NBC at 8:00pm ET. The all USA beach volleyball final in which Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings will face Jennifer Kessy and April Ross. Either way, the US takes both gold and silver in women's beach volleyball so this really is a "win-win" situation if you care about the medal count. Also track and field finals and women's platform diving, which I always find to be one of the most terrifying Olympic sports.

"Dallas" on TNT at 9:00pm ET. First season finale.

"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TLC at 10:00pm ET. Series premiere. I know some of you have been desperately waiting for this to premiere. I'll be honest; I don't get it. This kid and her mom seem like they'd be a nightmare to deal with in real life so I don't understand the urge to watch them on TV. Aside from the fact that it's rewarding behavior that probably shouldn't ever be rewarded. But I'm a humorless stick in the mud about some things, and the pageant babies are one of them.

"Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman" on Science at 10:00pm ET. Third season finale. "Did We Invent God?" something that typically comes up in dorm room discussions somewhere around bong number two or 3am, whichever comes first.

"Top Chef Masters" on Bravo at 10:00pm ET. Points for the title: "What Would Brian Boitano Eat?"

Genevieve Burgess hates summer television just as much as it hates her.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • ,

    That kid is ugly.

    It had to be said.

  • I told a friend the other day that I'd have to stop watching TLC until Here Comes Honey Boo Boo tanks because the commercials were giving me nightmares.

    I'm afraid I have way too much faith in humanity remaining since I can't accept that it won't be canceled in the first season.

  • e jerry powell

    Again, I say: DANCE MOMS.

  • dahlia6

    A pox on everyone who brought this worm-eaten hell upon us.

  • e jerry powell

    I take it you haven't seen Dance Moms, either...

  • George Horatio

    Y'ALL BEST REDNECKOGNIZE!!!!1!

  • thaneofmemphis

    I think the existence of Honey Boo Boo pretty much proves there is no God.

  • Pookie

    Sad to say but twenty years from now Honey Boo Boo is either going to end up on ”The First 48” or ”Hoarders.”

  • The Wanderer

    Holy Jackrabbit-crushing Jesus, As if Toddlers and Tiaras wasn't enough of an example of how degenerate our culture's become, now we see this smeared like some mental defective's feces across our TV screens. I am left hoping against hope that this child grows up into some semblance of normal, just long enough to get her revenge on her parents.
    Did we invent God? Hmm. Voltaire famously wrote that if God didn't exist we'd have to invent him, while Lucretius opined that fear was what caused us to create gods in the first place. Control and fear - what better reasons do you need?

  • pcloadletter

    Hey you guys! Here comes Honey Boo Boo!

  • mswas

    "I’m a humorless stick in the mud about this..."

    Me too, and proud of it. Off to watch the Olympics!

  • Fredo

    That header pic robs me of the will to believe in a kind and just humanity. 2012 AD: it's been a good ride and we should just exit stage left.

    This is what the bottom feels like

  • Guest

    Because I'm burdened with Deep Thoughts (TM), I sometimes find myself overwhelmed by the idea that the human race, and everything we've accomplished artistically, will eventually be cremated by the sun. This saddens me. Then I think of Toddlers and Tiaras, and the weight of regret lifts from my shoulders, and I can get on with my day.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I'm blessed with shallow thoughts and I've believed we're ripe for an apocalypse of some kind for a while now.

  • BarbadoSlim

    I am convinced that we are here as an experiment. As of this moment an alien named Xkrixlax is winning hir bet.

  • Slash

    I'm making that noise now that Kif on "Futurama" makes when Zap Brannigan says/does something particularly stupid and/or disgusting.

  • Fredo

    If can we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!

  • Okay. I'll do it. I'm going to defend this Honey Boo Boo nonsense. I will play devil's advocate and do it.

    Just give me a sec. I'm summoning my massive powers of bullshit. And by that I mean that I'm drinking heavily.

    Okay. Honey Boo Boo will be the definitive psychological study on rewarding negative behavior with positive reinforcement (attention in this case) on both parent and child. We will finally have a clear record of the impact of dressing a child up as a Bratz doll and parading them around in front of a bunch of weirdos and television cameras AND we will have a clear record of exactly what kind of an adult would put their child through this. We'll be able to figure out if it is a short term chemical imbalance caused by the potential for fame or if it is a long term disorder.

    Honestly I think this show will not go far enough. I say this show should run until the child (who I'm guessing is the titular "Honey Boo Boo) turns thirty when it will likely have a crossover episode with "Intervention."

    I salute TLC for commissioning this sort of groundbreaking psychological research. It will add so much data to the study of the effects of the media on humanity.

  • And if you've had enough to drink for the above to make sense, TLC would like to talk to you about appearing on the next season of Intervention.

  • e jerry powell

    And then comes the visit from Clinton Kelly...

  • John

    Just by reading the words "honey boo boo" I lost 3 IQ points. By re-typing them I lost 8 more. Fuck.

  • space_oddity

    Stop now while you're ahead!

  • Guest

    'Struth.

  • Maguita NYC

    Don't worry Genevieve, that Honey Boo Boo scares me as well as having me feel pity for that child. Her mother however... One of those who deserve long horrendous sessions of physical torture.

    Honey Boo Boo is another Stodden-like chick in the making, to be married off to some degenerate cross-dressing peepaw later on when she turns 16. Just sad, horrifyingly sad.

  • Milly

    That'll never happen; she'll die of acute early onset Type 2 diabetes before she gets to marrying age.

    Y'know, 13 years old.

    And as for her mum? I don't think I've seen something so fat and scary as that in my entire life. Her proportions are all wrong and her waddle is so large that even Richard Fish finds it unattractive.

  • e jerry powell

    They're gonna wait until she's sixteen?

  • Maguita NYC

    It's the legal age (to get married) in most states... I believe??

    Don't worry though, I wouldn't put it past her mother to make her some other degenerate cross-dressing peepaw's concubine when younger, while of course, promoting her holier than thou virginity. Even discussing it on Geraldo.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Hmmm... So Morgan Freeman and the Science channel are trying to make us smarter and the LEARNING channel is trying to rot our brains.

  • e jerry powell

    That's Discovery Networks for ya...

  • lowercase_ryan

    Anyone who admits to looking forward to Honey Fuck You should be banned.

  • ManBearPig

    I SO wanna "troll" now....but I really can´t do that.....I really f-cking CAN NOT do that...this is SO BAD....I´ve got nothing more

  • e jerry powell

    I second that motion.

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