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5 Shows After Dark: I'm Just Gonna 'Nope' On Outta Here

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | August 15, 2013 | Comments ()


Snakeswarm.jpg

“Monday Night Football: Preseason: Chargers at Bears” on ESPN at 8:00pm ET.

“Extreme Exterminators” on History at 9:00pm ET. Series premiere. I can’t even watch the commercials for this series, but if you’re cool with scenes of entire floors writhing with bugs, walls full of wasps, closets full of rats, or other similarly swarm-y scenes such as those occasionally featured on “Hoarders” then I hope you like it. I’m sure the cast of colorful characters will make lots of clever quips not dissimilar from the one your “wacky” uncle makes at holiday get togethers after a couple drinks.

“Owner’s Manual” on AMC at 10:00pm ET. Series premiere. In this new reality series, men will tackle difficult challenges. One will get an owner’s manual and follow the directions to the letter, the other one will go on instinct alone. Sure to give you enough proof to further endorse whichever you think is the best method. Be sure to watch it with your spouse/partner/body pillow for maximum effect.

“Wilfred” on FX at 10:00pm ET.

“The Pitch” on AMC at 11:00pm ET. Second season premiere. This episode is called “College Hunks Hauling Junk” and I swear that’s a real business so, you know, spoiler alert.

Genevieve Burgess tends to take the manual as an excellent starting point, but has been known to improvise quite a bit. So far it’s working for her.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • HJ

    My fiance is a "Manlyman" and I can't tell you how many times I've watched him flounder around with car parts, computer hard drives, and stereo equipment with a determined yet confused look on his face. I always ask, "Are you sure you don't want to look at the manual?" before being dismissed with a look like I had suddenly sprouted horns and a tail. I did insist, however, when we were putting together the twins' cribs and stayed in the nursery, supervising and reading the directions out loud the entire time. I could actually see his skin crawl- it was great.

  • DominaNefret

    Extreme Exterminators would be an Animal Planet show, not History Channel, and they already had an Exterminators show that was cancelled awhile back. I will admit now to having watched a few episodes.

    Owner's Manual sounds potentially amazing, especially after growing up watching my father start screaming "FUUUCK!!" and start throwing things when trying to put them together, and my mother and I finally having to kick him out and do it ourselves. (Which we always knew we needed to do from the very beginning, but my dad is MAN, AND MAN FIX THINGS! MAN PUT THINGS TOGETHER! WOMAN WATCH AND MARVEL AT MAN! WOMAN BE IMPRESSED BY MAN'S ABILITY TO PUT THINGS TOGETHER FOR WOMAN!)
    There is also my boyfriend's (and many other men I have known) utter inability to ask for directions, or where anything is. It is amazing how many times I have asked him to pick me up something at the store, and he has come home without it, and every. single. time. I ask if he asked anyone who worked there where to find it and every. single. time. he says no. He claims "they are all totally useless, and never know, so it is useless to ask".
    Head. Desk.

  • BlackRabbit

    Are the people there also men? MANCEPTION.

    I ask for directions alllll the time.

  • DominaNefret

    Clearly you are a very girly man.

  • BlackRabbit

    Tee hee. *flounces away*

  • DataAngel

    I'm calling hijinks on the exterminators show.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Yeah, I watch a fair bit of History TV and I haven't seen any promos for this, so I think it's the made-up show. Besides, don't A&E and Animal Planet have the exterminator market covered?

  • DataAngel

    Exactly. If she'd said it was Animal Planet or even Nat Geo I might not have looked twice at it. But I was watching History channel at the gym yesterday and was pretty sure their whole plan for the night was Pawn Stars.

  • emmalita

    I don't know if extreme exterminators is real, but it should be. I lived in an old farm house in tobacco country for a year. A couple of weeks after we moved in I walked into a back bedroom that we were going to turn into an office/guest room. The windows were black with flies. Millions of flies just hovering about the windows. It was creepy and gross.

  • DominaNefret

    The last place I lived we had an annual ladybug infestation; two weeks of very literally thousands of ladybugs swarming into our house. It was awful. They crawled over everything, got into our food, and STANK. They were impossible to get rid of.
    I have hated them since.

  • DominaNefret

    Oh, the windows and ceiling in the living room would be blanketed. Then they'd die and fall off and we'd have a ladybug corpse carpet.

  • emmalita

    I've never had a problem with bugs or spiders, but my skin was crawling as I vacuumed up the piles of dead fly bodies. We never did use that room.

  • Maguita NYC

    HEEEEEEEEEE. Yet another thing to blame on tobacco.

  • grr arrgh

    A little gasoline, blowtorch, no problem. (I am sorry you had to experience that. That is horrific.)

  • kushiro -

    Yeah, that's a Hell House. Best idea is to spray. For demons.

  • emmalita

    I am not catholic, but I wanted to call the priest, the shaman, the rabbi...

  • Maguita NYC

    OMG those were the snakes in my dream!!!

    Also, please tell me Owner's Manual is real! For no man I'd ever met, from father to friends, would ever follow a manual, or stop for directions, or even go on the internet to look for directions... Unless it comes from a GPS. GPS is god apparently.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Fear not too much, those look to be garter snakes, which are like the carousel of the amusement park that is snake species they're so unthreatening. There's a huge den of them near where I grew up and we used to go visit sometimes. I'll always remember the bloodcurdling screams of my very large, very loud, and very herpetophobic uncle as he ran down the path after my cousin decided to put a handful of them in his pocket.

    And let me tell you, after having to WRITE equipment manuals in my previous job (and assist over the phone with installations) - I no longer question why the first step in the troubleshooting section of the manual is Make sure it's plugged in and the power is on. Not that it helped, since when I asked them if they had the manual, they always replied "No, we threw that out as soon as we opened the box".

  • Maguita NYC

    It surprises me how many still do not read the manual!!!

    And the snakes where in my dream, it was not a scary dream and I was quite calm walking with the snakes. Emmalita in fact knew exactly what to tell me, and make me feel good. My wifey is so good to me!

    Sorry, it's Friday night. I'm rambling on. Feels good.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I've been an electronics tech for more years than I care to admit, and my favorite advice to owners can be expressed by the acronym RTFM. *

    * Read The Fucking Manual

  • DeaconG

    From one electronics tech to another...amen.

  • DeaconG

    Oh God, that's so sad...and possibly costly.

    There is no way in hell I make a major purchase, especially cars, computers, cameras and audio, without going to the manufacturers web site and getting a PDF of the gear's manual (my last two computer builds I made damn sure I got the motherboard PDFs on my laptop and read them thoroughly before I spent any coin). And I am intimately related with RandMcNally maps (grew up on the atlases they did in the 60s and was the navigator for our family's trips to the Florida panhandle), though not always pleased with Google Maps, and knew damn well that when I bought my current car and got the Nav DVD's updated they would be obsolete before I drove ten miles away.

    There's more than a few incidents of people driving their cars into creeks and rivers using their GPS, and the trucks that don't have a clue with overheight restrictions and smack into a viaduct because their GPS rotued them there instead of finding a trucker's altas that would CLEARLY POINT THIS SHIT OUT.

    That's just sad. And scary.

  • kirbyjay

    People will actually drive into a river on purpose if the GPS tells them to? Doesn't the water filling up in the car give them a clue, or do they keep going, hoping it's just a big puddle? These people are probably religious fanatics ( note the word FANATIC)
    who BELIEVE that God and the GPS would never steer them wrong.

  • xuqupyviriro

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    I don't know if extreme
    exterminators is real, but it should be. I lived in an old farm house
    in tobacco country for a year. A couple of weeks after we moved in I
    walked into a back bedroom that we were going to turn into an
    office/guest room. The windows were black with flies. Millions of
    flies just hovering about the windows. It was creepy and gross.

  • Maguita NYC

    ^^^Now that, I would definitely watch!!!
    People following blindly their GPS instructions and driving into creeks, rivers, or even houses!!!

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