5 Shows After Dark: The Internet is Dumb Enough to Keep These Guys in Business Forever

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | July 23, 2013 | Comments ()


“So You Think You Can Dance” on Fox at 8:00pm ET.

“Covert Affairs” on USA at 9:00pm ET.

“Who Do You Think You Are?” on TLC at 9:00pm ET. Fourth season premiere. Kelly Clarkson is on tonight. I find it a terrible idea for a show, but something that I’d probably find really cool to do myself. But watching other people do it? That’s not really entertainment. Also, people always cry and I’m not super comfortable watching people cry on TV like that.

“Catfish” on MTV at 10:00pm ET.

“The Vineyard” on ABC Family at 10:00pm ET. Series premiere. Hey! Were you looking for a show following the lives of twentysomething on Martha’s Vineyard and catching all their gossip, drama, and struggles against a gorgeous beachy background that will afford many opportunities for bikini wearing? Then you pretty obviously never watched “Laguna Beach” or you would see what a terrible idea this all is. Because I have no doubt that this will be another show primarily composed of people staring at each other punctuated primarily by “you know” or “like…” at regular intervals.

Genevieve Burgess is an All-American mutt who understands why good actors are actually paid for acting.

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Because every time you do an angel does the Paul Rudd dance

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned

  • e jerry powell

    GB: I'm surprised I have to bring this up, but "Who Do You Think You Are?" isn't a television show, it's an hour-long infomercial for Ancestry.com. The celebrity crying is thrown in so that the Oprah/Barbara Walters demo will tune in for five minutes.

    Oh, yeah. I have much bitterness for Ancestry.com. They started that fucking "leaf" business on their site and then started trying to sell me genealogical information that I gave them.

  • LaineyBobainey

    And I would watch them forever.

    Lainey <3 Nev and Max 4EVA!

  • Fredo

    I'm just going to leave this link to Benedict Cumberbatch's Behind the Scenes of his Top Gear lap video right here. No reason. No reason at all.


    I'll be back once they've had a chance to clean the place.

  • emmalita

    It's too hot for me to get all this bothered!

  • MissAmynae

    why is it that he looks so damnably delicious taking things off? scarves, helmets, coats...I mean really....never before has helmet head sent me to my bunk.

  • koko temur

    Seriously. If he ever remove his pants in the same manner, we are all fucked.

  • ljridley

    I certainly hope so!

  • lowercase_ryan

    My family owns a vineyard. It's exactly like you described above. Except with no glory, or fun, or glamour. Oh but there's a shitload of back-breaking work! Oh and no money and no wine as of yet. And no ocean, obvs. So basically fuck those kids.

  • Maguita NYC

    I was about to propose, but then I got to the NO WINE part.

    F-ck that shit.

  • lowercase_ryan

    2 years and we'll have a good Petite Sirah. At least it better be.

  • Maguita NYC

    How about a long engagement then?

    I have the ring and everything (never waste time.)

  • lowercase_ryan

    I always said I'd be engaged for a year at least, but that ring is STELLAR!

    Totally your call.

  • Maguita NYC

    Holy f-ck that's one big ring... I'm not sure my credit card could afford that!

    Anyways, yeah, would you?

  • lowercase_ryan

    I...do? no wait, will. yes, will.

  • Maguita NYC

    Sniff, I'm tearing up. This is so romantic.

    Also, I picked out that ring myself. yep.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I forgot, you should probably check with the wifeys first.

  • koko temur


  • lowercase_ryan

    I've never touched that stuff!

  • koko temur

    And now you refer to her as "stuff"?!

  • lowercase_ryan

    NASAL VIAGRA!! Don't think I don't see what you're doing. Don't think of it as losing a wifey, think of it as gaining...me? Uh, I'll work on that.

  • Maguita NYC

    I got you into trouble didn't I?

    The coven will soon see what I see. I'm keeping you lc_ryan; You, your vineyard, and your obsequious loving ways for baked goods.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Trouble? We all know you're worth it. Now if you'll excuse me, some people are being disgustingly wrong about the greatest one hit wonder of the 80's. I can't allow this.

  • koko temur

    yeah, YOU BETTER RUN.

  • lowercase_ryan

    is this turning into one of those romcom things where I have to prove myself worthy of our MVP's affections?

    Game. On.

  • koko temur

    yes. exactly. im the disapproving parent in this. you better charm my pants off, mister. and without the help of wine.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Is that a trap? I'm not trying to get your pants off, just win your approval =)

  • koko temur

    it wasnt, but you got to a good start already!

  • Welldressed

    This entire exchange is too long for EE, but I'm gonna slow clap the hell out of it anyway.

  • emmalita

    I've agreed to worse for free wine. (sadly, I am not joking)

  • Maguita NYC

    And I admire that about you my slutty wifey.

  • Maguita NYC

    They should understand the long-term benefits to our coven:

    Free wine.

  • koko temur

    I dont drink wine. So at least someone of the coven will remain objective and level headed.
    you are dead to me. DEAD.

  • Maguita NYC

    Chica, I'll teach you how to drink wine. Very personally, I will show you the joys of wine. Also, wine in your bathtub. Beautiful skin.

    If I'm dead, can I haunt you and watch over you? That's how much you mean to me wifey. Creepy ain't it.


  • koko temur

    oh, fine. but is it ok if i still irrationally blame/threaten Ryan?

  • Maguita NYC

    I think he'd enjoy that. I taught him well.

  • lowercase_ryan

    very true, how's that for a dowry? I'm quite the catch

  • Maguita NYC

    Always knew you were dahling, from the moment you sacrificed your pizza for me, and you ate nothing but stale microwave popcorn.

  • lowercase_ryan

    awww you remembered :)

  • lowercase_ryan

    I don't know about you but this is how I always pictured it.

  • Maguita NYC

    *Wipes tears * Even better than I'd imagined.

  • lowercase_ryan

    that is so cool

  • Maguita NYC

    Yeah, but my proposing to you and buying YOU a ring was so much more... Unexpected.

    So we're calling our first born Sirah. We can also give it something of an exotic-sounding twist and call her Shiraz.

  • lowercase_ryan

    you said it, we can name HER Sirah. I would turn Shiraz into ShirAZZZZ to embarrass her in front of her friends.

    He would need a different name.

  • Maguita NYC

    You know you're sleeping on the couch tonight.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Oh come on, if you can't tease your pre-teen kids who can you tease?

    Fine, lesson learned!

  • Maguita NYC

    I really can't stay mad at you for long.

    How about this: If our kid turns all pimply in her teens, you can't call her that. But if her skin holds and doesn't go through the "gaucheness" of puberty, than you may bully her in front of her friends. Deal?

  • lowercase_ryan

    I wouldn't think of it. You're the best dear

  • Maguita NYC

    Properly trained already. I'm one lucky B*.

    Alright dahling, all these emotions had made me tired. I'm going to take a bath.
    What was it that Foolsage said? Stay cool? Stay decent? Stay ...? Laters.

  • lowercase_ryan

    see ya :)

  • Maguita NYC

    I watched the first episode of Game Night (Jane Lynch) and actually loved it... What I'm trying to say Genevieve is, I'm too lazy to google it and wondering if it's still on, and which night. I know it is at 10 though!

  • Genevieve Burgess

    It is still on, but it is on Thursdays. Today is, tragically, not Thursday.

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