5 Shows After Dark 7/22/12
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5 Shows After Dark: Memories, They Can Be Inviting

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | July 22, 2012 | Comments ()


"Chopped" on Food Network at 8:00pm ET. Special episode featuring Food Network stars. I mentioned this on Twitter the other day, but this show has the most insane music cues in relation to what's actually going on. They'll be in judging and someone will say something like "I'm not sure that the flavor of the kumquat and marshmallow work well together in this topping" and the camera will cut to the contestant looking mildly perturbed while the music sting comes in all "THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED!"

"Teen Choice Awards 2012" on Fox at 8:00pm ET. Announced performers include Justin Bieber, Carly Rae Jepsen, Flo Rida, and... No Doubt. Because it's apparently still 1995 somewhere?

"Breaking Bad" on AMC at 10:00pm ET.

"The Newsroom" on HBO at 10:00pm ET.

"Strange Sex" on TLC at 10:00pm ET. The episode is called "160lb Scrotum and Dominatrix in Training" because if I have to have the mental image of a nutsack that outweighs me, so do all of you.

Genevieve Burgess hates summer television just as much as it hates her.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • lowercase_ryan

    make fun all you want, but if given the choice I would hope that tweens were influenced more by Gwen than the army of slags with no substance who undoubtedly were also in attendance at that stupid freaking awards show.

  • Lauren_Lauren

    I look forward to their new single, "Don't Bleach".

  • blorft

    There's a contingent of teenagers who are really into mediocre nineties alternapop (which I also admit to liking; I'm not proud). Really strange moment when my 16-year-old cousin and her friends started waxing poetic about Third Eye Blind and Blink 182.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    Well, at least that's a change from hearing boomers tell me that all good music happened before 1978 so everyone else should just give up and go home, ignoring the fact that there's a great deal of shitty music from that era too.

    I like a lot of pop music for being fun and catchy. I find hating pop music because it's sort of shallow and disposable is like hating doritos for not being steak.

  • Anthony Hoffman

    I wish music was edible.

  • e jerry powell

    No, it's because No Doubt has an album to push off onto kids who are too young to remember that No Doubt is supposed to be relevant or some shit.

  • Maguita NYC

    The image of a 160 lbs scrotum. Just before dinner.

    And I was so looking forward to my steak tartar.

  • bleujayone

    "160lb Scrotum"?!?!? So somebody has testicular elephantiasis? I seem to recall seeing old photos of a village somewhere where all the men had such an affliction. They all looked like they each had a Hop Ball permanently attached to their crotch. I would think that unless the man in question is endowed like the spire on the Empire State Building, there isn't going to be much action going on. It must be hell to find MC Hammer pants to accommodate his Sanford & Son junkyard he's gotta be sporting these days. Also, he might want to see about scaring the bejesus out of a medical professional because from the sound of it either there's something critical going on there or he's carrying some Eraserhead-sized sperm.

  • googergieger

    If Bieber and company were around during the nineties, I reckon not as many people would misremember them as being so great. I mean don't get me wrong I guess I am a nineties kid myself, and I love a lot of things about it, but the biggest thing it has going for it is not being the eighties. I'm a pretty big fan of the oughts myself. Mostly because of the internet. Well it's basically that and Oldboy. The rest I'm pretty indifferent to really.

  • space_oddity

    Best thing about the 80s were that they weren't the 70s. But I think by the time we got to the 90s, we decided the 70s weren't so bad, after all.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    The 80s were a lot of fun. MTV was new and exciting and actually played music videos... great music videos. Don Johnson was at his hottest in Miami Vice. Genesis was still good, Peter Gabriel did some of his best work, Billy Idol was sexy and dangerous. There were a lot of really fun horror movies back then too, John Carpenter was at his peak and the Elm Street movies hadn't gotten tired yet.

  • googergieger

    Is that the new updated lyrics to the upcoming reboot of All In The Family?

    "Those were the days!"

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