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5 Shows After Dark: Who's Ready for a Solid Month of This Guy? ME!

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | June 25, 2012 | Comments ()


Phelps5Shows.jpeg

"2012 U.S Olympic Team Trials: Swimming Finals" on NBC at 8:00pm ET. EEEEEEEEEEE! YOU GUYS THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING! I'M SO EXCITED! I really am, I'm the biggest Olympics dork ever for a couple of reasons. 1. I like sports, but not how long sports seasons are because I was born in the late 80s and therefore automatically have ADD so the Olympics are about the perfect length for me to overindulge on dozens of sports being played at their highest level and then get on with my life. 2. I really and truly am a sucker for instances of people from across the world coming together for peaceable reasons. Those "Where the Hell is Matt?" videos with the dancing get me too. Yes, I know that's not the whole story. It's still lovely. Anyway, take this as your warning that once the Olympics start I'm going to be fangirling all over the place.

"Hells Kitchen" on Fox at 8:00pm ET.

"Me @ The Zoo" on HBO at 9:00pm ET. This is a documentary about Chris Crocker who briefly rocketed to internet notoriety with his "Leave Britney Alone" video several years ago. I didn't realize anyone had wondered what he'd been up to or his life story, but if you are this should satisfy your curiosity.

"Hollywood Exes" on VH1 at 9:00pm ET. Series premiere. Shockingly, for a reality series on VH1 claiming to feature famous-ish people, I recognize none of the names of the cast members. Quelle surprise.

"American Ninja Warrior" on NBC at 10:00pm ET.

Genevieve Burgess does not appreciate your sass. (That's a lie.)



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • TheOriginalMRod

    I heart the Olympics.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Regarding tomorrow's assignment, the best grade you can receive is a C+ if you fail to reference Workaholics.

    That is all.

  • DarthCorleone

    Hooray, Olympics!

  • Ender

    Idiot. You should have waited 1 hour then posted "I heart the Olympics" like TheOriginalMRod, then you wouldn't have that downvote. It's like you weren't thinking tactically at all.

  • ,

    They just played basketball at the highest level. It was called "the NBA playoffs." And every year they have these things called "World Championships" in most sports. I don't understand why calling pseudo world championships "the Olympics" makes them a big deal. I guess it's all that peace and harmony and democracy they create in places like Beijing.

    Oh, wait ...

    Remember: There can never be another Miracle, there can never be another Eddie the Eagle, there can never be another Jamaican bobsled team. The professionals have run the fun right out of the Games because in addition to their $15 million a year contracts and Stanley Cups and NBA rings, their lives just aren't fucking complete without a gold medal t put in that wing of the house where they keep all the trophies. Yeah, that's a great reason to root for Lebron James, because he and his pro buddies can't stay the fuck off the stage and let somebody else have a chance.

    Besides, the Olympics are a fucking two-week commercial. Eveything about the Games is for sale, including the venal IOC, including the fucking torches from the relay.

    The Olympics are a plague and a pestilence upon the land. If Pierre de Coubertin weren't already dead, it would fucking kill him to see what happened to his games.

    This is just scratching the surface of the reasons for my disgust with the Olympics. I'm sure I'll have time by August to list them all. (Unless, of course, the IOC's lawyers get me first for using the word "Olympics (TM)" in a comment.)

    Fuck. The. Olympics.

  • Yeah, I see how all those professional fencers are really crowding up the field.

    Wait…

    We have a satellite package. When I say I watch all the games I mean ALL OF THEM, everything I can get my hands on and by and large those sports aren't broadcast at any other point during the year. And yeah, the IOC is just as evil as any other organization of its kind but that doesn't enter into my enjoyment of watching the medal event for windsurfing.

  • ,

    There's a good reason those sports aren't broadcast any other time: Nobody gives a shit. So I don't understand why people who don't give a shit about fencing and windsurfing for three years and 50 weeks suddenly get a fencing and windsurfing hardon because the world championships are called "the Olympics."

    But to each her own. As long as you know that every second you spend in front of the screen supports, as Will Self puts it, "a boondoggle for politicians and financiers, a further corruption of an
    already corrupt self-appointed international coterie of Olympian cunts,
    an excuse for ‘elite’ athletes to fuck each other, snarf steroids and
    pick up sponsorship deals, and a senseless hitching of infrastructural
    investment – if there’s any reality to this anyway – to a useless
    loss-trailing expenditure on starchitectural bollix. The stadia
    themselves are a folly. The new Westfield is a temple to moribund
    consumerism – in ten years time they’ll all be cracked and spalled;
    a Hitlerian mass of post-pomo nonsense."

    Meanwhile, God bless you, Lebron, as you and your NBA all-star team stomp the shit out of Botswana and Angola for the glory of the US of A. I'm so proud of my country!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Let's not forget, Romney made a bundle for himself and his pals during the SLC Winter Olympics.

  • Anne Lucchesi

    Except for the sports where they never show the World Championships, you get your hopes up that they might show some discus, shot put or javelin and then they continue showing the 800th heat of sprints and then give you the life story of the synchronized divers instead.

    So yes, fuck the Olympics.

  • Clancys_Daddy

    Oh please let the freaking Olympics be over already.

  • TheAggroCraig

    I will watch nearly any sport (or even "sport") if it's in the Olympics. Except the equestrian events. Those are boring. *edit: I used the wrong word and just thought about it now

  • emmelemm

    People who were born in the late 80s make me feel old. That is all.

  • bel

    Ignore their existance. I was born in the late 80s and i don't speak to people who were born in the 90s

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    I feel that this is the right place for me to brag about my tickets to the Olympics! Woooo Women's Handball! Oh shut up...you don't even have tickets.

  • e jerry powell

    There must be more nekkid at the Olympics. The original Olympics were contested NUDE.

    More coverage of men's water polo in prime time!

    Men's beach volleyball uniforms can use no more material than women's beach volleyball uniforms. I'm all for gender equity in athletic ogling.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Does water polo have underwater cameras? Cuz I'd be all over that event.

  • e jerry powell

    As a matter of fact. That's why when NBC covers it they only show the matches in the overnight time slots.

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