5 Shows After Dark: Break Out the Lame Texas Jokes
"Dallas" on TNT at 9:00pm ET. 75 minute series premiere. I know that this is important to... someone. Right? It has to be, otherwise why bother bringing it back unless the original cast members were able to do literally nothing else because they were only talented enough to carry on a cheesy evening soap better known for ridiculous plot twists and outfits than good story telling? Anyway, every time I see the commercials I just look at poor Josh Henderson trying to pull off like, American Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and I feel sorry for him. His eyes are nowhere near unsettling enough for that. ALSO! the IMDB page for the new "Dallas" series has been swamped by all the extras and featured players so none of the stars are actually listed on the main page. See? Good for a giggle, anyway.
"Royal Pains" on USA at 9:00pm ET.
"Duets" on ABC at 9:30pm ET.
"The Soup" n E at 10:00pm ET. I'm still confused by the insistence on having this on Wednesdays. It made sense on Friday, it sort of acted as my round up of all the notable moments on a lot of television I wasn't interested in watching myself. Now it's just sort of awkwardly placed so there's like, things that have been all over the internet for the whole weekend cause they happened last Thursday and McHale tries to sell it the best he can, but when he gets scooped by that girl you have on Facebook who sat next to you in your class on English Literature and Psychoanalytic Theory, it takes the zing out of it.
"White Heat" on BBCA at 10:00pm ET. First season finale.
Genevieve Burgess does not appreciate your sass. (That's a lie.)