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5 Shows After Dark: This Man is Why I Need Xanax in the Spring

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | June 11, 2013 | Comments ()


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"Family S.O.S" on TLC at 9:00pm ET. In case you need to feel better about your particular family dynamic. Because even if you're as screwed up as the people on the TV, at least you're not airing your personal shit on TV.

"NBA Finals: Game 3" on ABC at 9:00pm ET. I realize that almost every other fandom in basketball hates the Heat bandwagon fans, but as a Heat fan I can assure you that you don't hate them nearly as much as we do. Because what I love when I'm sitting down to a relaxing evening of letting men I've never interacted with spike my blood-pressure for funsies is people I'm acquainted with grilling me about exactly how long I've been cheering for the Heat and why I started liking them. Seriously, guys, I went to games when Shaq was on the team. Leave me alone to enjoy the ballet-like grace with which my team executes passing drills, but only when they really need to. The toying with my emotions is part of the fun.

"Twisted" on ABC Family on 9:00pm ET. Series premiere. A new murder mystery show on ABC Family, which means it won't be particularly gruesome or mysterious. I guess they're looking for the next "Pretty Little Liars."

"Awkward" on MTV at 10:00pm ET. Third season summer finale.

"Chopped" on Food Network at 10:00pm ET. 16th season summer premiere. I don't watch this show, but every so often I'll fall into a hole when they've got a million episodes airing in a row and I mock the totally obvious loser edits. But I'm also unable to change the channel. It's mesmerizing.

Genevieve Burgess hates summer television even more than you do. She promises.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • e jerry powell

    I snark upon your Heat. The Spurs bench outscored the Heat starters. Baby BronBron better figure out something quick, because he's getting no help this go-round. Bosh and Dwayne Wayne got lost on the Riverwalk somewhere.

    Gettin' beat by old people, those Heat...

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Just for the record: The Spurs are younger than the Heat. In Game 1, the average age of a San Antonio player was 29.5; the average age of a Miami player was 30.3.
    Read More: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.c...

  • e jerry powell

    Slightly. All of them are much younger than me. Even Tim Duncan.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    I'm fine with that, they were playing like nervous teenagers last night. Probably specifically to embarrass me in front of my audience of literally dozens of readers.

  • elenaran

    Boo! Go Spurs Go!

  • Sarah J

    Chopped marathons are more fun with Chopped Bingo!

  • Guest

    I am impossibly in love with Genevieve. That is all.

  • Xtacle Steve

    I don't care for basketball (The Timberwolves have made me permanently apathetic), but Lebron is fun to watch, especially when you have no stake in the outcome. I know people hate him, but who wouldn't leave Cleveland if given the opportunity? There's nothing to do there, but masturbate and cry.

  • Finance_Nerd

    And usually one follows the other.

  • e jerry powell

    Difficult to consistently say in which order, though.

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