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5 Shows After Dark: Shipping Yards Are Always Bad News

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | May 21, 2013 | Comments ()


grimm2finale.jpg

"So You Think You Can Dance" on Fox at 8:00pm ET.

"Dancing With the Stars" on ABC at 9:00pm ET. Two hour 15th season finale. Jesus, 15 seasons? These shows are like the hot-pockets of television, aren't they?

"Man Eating Super Squid" on Animal Planet at 9:00pm ET. Special presentation. I'm betting this is an attention grabbing headline without anything of substance behind it. Or rather, I hope it is, because if squids have started eating people that means octopuses aren't far behind them and while I'm a dyed in the wool follower of Godtopus, I am also smart enough to realize that octopuses are kind of terrifying when you get right down to it. The only thing that makes them less terrifying is that they taste delicious when deep fried with some garlic but if they figure out that we do too, we're all doomed.

"Grimm" on NBC at 10:01pm ET. Second season finale. Now there'll be basically nothing but reality shows on Tuesday nights. Yay, summer!

"Inside Amy Schumer" on Comedy Central at 10:30pm ET.

Genevieve Burgess jokes to stave off her terror at the news coming out of the midwest. Be safe, readers.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • BlackRabbit

    Who is the pretty young lady in the header? She looks like Saoirse Ronan's more attractive (and legal) sister.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I believe that's Bree Turner, who plays Rosalee on "Grimm".

  • MissAmynae

    eff that, I'm watching hockey. (and dvr'ing SYTYCD)

  • Bistro

    At first I read "Man Eating Super Squid" wrong, and I imagined an entire show centered around a man at a table, trying to finish eating an oversized sea creature.

  • unpious

    Like the scene in Matilda where the kid has to eat the whole chocolate cake. Only with marinara sauce instead of frosting.

  • Wembley

    First off, squids and octopuses aren't even friends-they don't talk.

    Octopuses (and spiders) are aliens. They came on Uluru. And they are definitely plotting. Squids are just...unfortunate.

    B-The squids already know humans are tasty-ever since WWI when the German U-boats kindly deposited thousands of merchant seamen into the Atlantic. Sure, the sharks might blood-frenzy, but the squids took their time with all the squeezing and poking to see which ones were ripe.

    Lastly.

    Well I don't really have a third thing. I know you're supposed to do these things in threes, but uh...yeah.

    Awkward.

  • Michelle

    Yeah, I kind of hate that summer is the doldrums of the TV year. It's when I most want something to watch when I'm hungover and cranky on Sundays.

  • toblerone

    Awkward. @ 10 on MTV.

  • Mrcreosote

    Man Eating Super Squid will be a show on the CW next year. Only the titular squid will be a devastatingly handsome young man with a single tentacle artfully placed as to not besmirch his beauty. Everyone else of course will act like he's horribly disfigured.

  • poopnado

    See I think it's more of an NBC show. Super Squid is a super hero, akin to Super Man. He uses his powers to stop over-fishing. A terrible enemy, The Piscivore, has acquired a taste for giant sea monsters. The Piscivore disguises himself as a seafood restaurant owner when not getting Super Squid's goat. Three Stooges-type bumbling hilarity ensues.

  • bleujayone

    Once you've see the melted cheese glory that is SyFy's "Sharktopus", the whole "Man-Eating Super Squid"* seems strangely anti-climactic.

    *You see what adding a hyphen can do?

  • bleujayone

    “Man Eating Super Squid”- So what, I see people doing that all the time at the all-you-can-eat specials at Red Lobster.

  • googergieger

    Why the fuck would a man be eating a super squid?

    *reads entire thing*

    Oh right. Yeah that makes more sense. Well, equal sense. Equal to or slightly more sense. At the very least, it doesn't make less sense than what I said. I don't know.

    *walks away*

  • e jerry powell

    Squid is good eatin'!

    Go to the sushi bar and ask anybody.

  • Mr_Zito

    That's a very confusing title.

  • e jerry powell

    Intentionally so, I suspect. Discovery Networks and such.

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