5 Shows After Dark 4/21/13
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5 Shows After Dark: More This, Less Typical Reality Show Crap

By Genevieve Burgess | Miscellaneous | April 21, 2013 | Comments ()


"Bob's Burgers" on Fox at 8:30pm ET.

"Game of Thrones" on HBO at 9:00pm ET. Seriously, television-only people, if you don't have a group of friends to watch this with for moral support I encourage you to get one immediately. Don't look to the book readers for sympathy, because we will just laugh at your pain and use your tears to make the cocktails we drink to drown our bitter thoughts.

"Remember Sunday" on ABC at 9:00pm ET. "Original Telefilm" and I put that in quotation marks because I don't believe it counts as "original" if you take the script from 50 First Dates and just reverse the genders of the main characters.

"Mad Men" on AMC at 10:00pm ET.

"What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" on E at 10:00pm ET. Series premiere. From the press interviews and commercials I've seen, the answer would seem to be "not swim" which is the only thing I think Ryan Lochte should be doing on television. Honestly, if this show was just Ryan Lochte training for the next Olympics and you got to actually see what went into being an Olympic caliber athlete I'd be all about it. From what I've seen, though, the central premise seems to be more along the lines of "hot dude says and does dumb things" which seems to be something of a waste.

Genevieve Burgess enjoys tragedy tears mixed with gin, but scotch probably works well too.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • googergieger

    I still think Lochte is gay. Now just because my gaydar is never wrong, doesn't mean I'm right or anything. Just means in a few years when he is no longer relevant and he is paying dudes for gay massages(or you know massages), or writing a tell all book entitled, "Boner in the Pool", expect me to give you all a big old I told you so. Meh, I'll probably forget about it.

  • BWeaves

    Call the Midwife. I just realized the empath in Saturday's Doctor Who, is Nurse Jenny Lee in Call the Midwife.

  • duckandcover

    Don’t look to the book readers for sympathy, because we will just laugh at your pain and use your tears to make the cocktails we drink to drown our bitter thoughts.

    Or fuel for our ships so that we can casually fly into the sun at a moment's notice.

  • kushiro -

    What was supposed to make me so devastated by GoT tonight, anyway? Ser Jorah was not so lovable, and the slavemaster got what he deserved. You told me I would need support, so I want to be sad.

    Please help me be sad!!

  • kushiro -

    By the way, I now realize I got the name wrong. Too many characters + many glasses of wine + easy-to-use comment system = dumb post.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    Just trust me that it's coming. Think of all the trauma some of these characters have gone through so far and it's only the fourth episode. This season means business.

  • John W

    "Don’t look to the book readers for sympathy, because we will just laugh
    at your pain and use your tears to make the cocktails we drink to drown
    our bitter thoughts."

    True dat. True dat.

  • poopnado

    Those nipples. Oh my.

  • Xtacle Steve

    What would Ryan Lochte do? I'm not entirely sure, but I'm sure whatever it is, it ends with a high five. Always.

  • e jerry powell


  • e jerry powell

    We drink so damn many cocktails here. Who made canapés? Pâté de fois gras? Salmon mousse?


  • e jerry powell

    Lochte isn't even that hot.

    Or is it because I'm over 40? Nothing at all going on with me below the waistline.

  • Maguita NYC

    How about some knockers to revive your over-the-hill below the waistline... affairs:

  • Mrs. Julien

    Do you suppose that when Lisa Bonet first started seeing him, she would spend hours just staring? I had a really good looking boyfriend once and I could not believe that not only was I allowed to touch him, such actions were encouraged.

  • e jerry powell

    *happy knockers dance*

  • Maguita NYC

    How about a dance of joy? Where knocking knockers could be accidental happiness ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • e jerry powell

    Nope. They are SO over. Even Family Matters is cancelled.

  • pumpkin

    He's cute, but not nearly as cute as he thinks he is.
    (I'm 44)

  • Genevieve Burgess

    In my opinion he's got an above average body, but a pretty stereotypical "I'm the cute guy at the frat" face. Nothing to write home about, but not too shabby either.

  • e jerry powell

    Aren't they all "cute guys" at the frat?

    And delusional?


  • sjfromsj

    I was just going to write off Ryan Lochte's show, but now that you've proposed what it could have been, I'm going to wallow in the sadness of a missed opportunity. Maybe Missy Franklin could star in that show?!

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Ooh, yes, can we do that instead, television gods?

    Incidentally, I want to believe a TV god would take the form of Mr. Rogers, but I know it's more likely to be, like, a Kardashian.

  • e jerry powell

    Only if she doesn't swim the butterfly...

  • nachosanchez

    Jesus, what the hell is going on with Michael Phelps' body in that picture?

  • Nyltiak

    Part of what makes Michael Phelps a great swimmer is that he has a freakishly perfect body for swimming. His lanky, broad shouldered frame makes him a perfect swimmer. Also, he swims a lot of fly, which will overdevelop those chest/back muscles like that.

  • Some Guy

    I don't know, but it probably has something to do with having enough gold medals to choke a leprechaun.

  • Maguita NYC

    Poor Ryan Seacrest should run!

  • Genevieve Burgess

    That's what happens when you swim Butterfly. I mean, aside from the more general "freak of nature" problem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • poopnado

    The butterfly makes no sense to me. It require so much energy and doesn't seem faster than freestyle. Did someone just decide to invent a really hard way to swim, then get other people to try it? Seriously, all the other strokes make sense to me. This is just weird.

    I also might be bitter because I can't do it. At all. Even a little bit.

  • Maguita NYC

    I used to compete (back crawl) in college, and I can tell you, all those who competed in butterfly are built different, and move very differently as well. They actually practice with a side mermaid often to better "wave" their body forward before breaking the surface for the butterfly. I could never do more than 3 strokes of that thing!

  • DominaNefret

    I think he is a stingray.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I was thinking he looks like a cobra but stingray works better.

  • If that's the case, someone should ask him where he was on Sept. 4th, 2006 and see if he has an alibi.

  • DominaNefret

    RIP Steve.

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