5 Kid's Cartoons That Won't Make You Fly Into A Stabby Rage: They're Like Waffles For My Dumptruck
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5 Kid's Cartoons That Won't Make You Fly Into A Stabby Rage: They're Like Waffles For My Dumptruck

By Jodi Clager | Miscellaneous | July 30, 2014 | Comments ()


My daughter is 9 years old and will be 10 next month. While some girls her age are intent on growing up far too quickly, she is content to be her age and enjoy all of the things that go along with being a kid. This includes Monster High dolls, Captain Underpants books, comics, and cartoons.

This pleases me greatly.

Sometimes, when your kids like cartoons, they want to watch terrible ones like Total Drama Island or that horribly animated Garfield tripe on Cartoon Network or whatever. Other times, other superbly glorious times, they instead choose to watch these gems that pull you in and that might be watched even when there is no child in the house. I love these.

Phineas and Ferb - Disney Channel


Every show has a very strict formula. Phineas and Ferb decide what they’re gonna do that day. Their sister Candace is determined to bust them while romancing her Jeremy. Dr. Doofenshmirtz has a ridiculous plan to take over the tri-county area and Perry the Platypus must stop him as Agent P.

It’s amazing. Not only is the show funny and inventive, it’s also got catchy songs and is delightfully self-aware.

Bonus Facts: Doofenshmirtz’s daughter Vanessa is voiced by Olivia Olsen, who is also the voice of Marceline in Adventure Time. Olivia was also the girl with the huge voice in Love Actually. Lawrence Fletcher (Phineas and Ferb’s father) is voiced by Richard O’Brien of Rocky Horror Picture Show fame.

Adventure Time - Cartoon Network


Adventure Time seems like a strange show filled with hallucinations and fart jokes. You have Finn the Human and Jake the Dog helping out Princess Bubblegum and saving the Candy Kingdom. You have an insane, princess-obsessed Ice King and his band of penguins. Marceline the vampire queen eats the red out of things, while Lumpy Space Princess fights off suitors interested in her lumps.

Every once in a while, the show will throw you for a loop with a big reveal. For instance, this show takes place after the apocalyptic Mushroom War. Finn is the only human left on a planet with ghosts, talking animals, and magic. The Ice King has reasons for his insanity and obsessions and the entire show becomes sadder and infinitely more amazing as each piece of character and world back story is revealed.

Of course, there are also fart jokes and amazing songs.

Bonus Facts: The Ice King is voiced by Tom Kenny, aka Spongebob Squarepants. Jake the Dog is voiced by John DiMaggio, aka Bender Bending Unit Rodriguez. Donald Faison once guest starred as a cookie that wanted to be a Princess.

Regular Show - Cartoon Network


Regular Show takes place in a world populated by talking birds, yetis, gumball machines, lollipops, ghosts, and various other things. Mordecai and Rigby are best friends that happen to be an anthropomorphic blue jay and raccoon. They work at a park run by Benson, a gumball machine, and owned by Pops, a lollipop. Also on staff are Muscleman, Hi-Five Ghost, Skips, and Thomas.

Whenever Mordecai and Rigby attempt normal activities, something abnormal happens. Like real zombies on park movie night. Or being thrust into a nuclear meltdown situation after pretending to be astronauts to get a free grilled cheese.

Bonus Facts: Skips is voiced by Mark Hamill.

Clarence - Cartoon Network


I wasn’t sold on Clarence at first, but from the initial watch I was hooked. Clarence is a young boy with unbridled enthusiasm and a positive outlook on life. He’s one of those kids that doesn’t know a stranger and uses his imagination non-stop. This kid can take a boring dinner party and turn it into a treasure hunt. As Clarence himself says, “It’s worth it!”

Bonus Fact: Sumo is voiced by Tom Kenny. Dude gets around.

Teen Titans Go! - Cartoon Network


I hated this cartoon when I first saw the commercials. I’m fairly certain I bitched about it in a post on here and you shits were asses about it. At any rate, I grew to love Teen Titans Go!. It’s goofy and takes the character traits of the Teen Titans to ridiculously exaggerated heights, but how can you hate a show were Beast Boy turns into a gorilla and refuses to change back in an attempt to drive Robin crazy?

Bonus Fact: The voice cast from Teen Titans (2003-2006) voice the same characters in this series.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Sassy Pikachu

    I admit with pride that when my boyfriend calls me his ringtone is "puncha yo buns"

    Adventure time is so fantastic. And Simon's story breaks my heart.

  • Idle Primate

    i think sometimes people conflate "bad kids shows" with "shows that don't
    appeal to adults". the list in this article definitely seemed to be saying good children's shows are those that appeal to adults(so good you will watch them when no kids are around). The little people in my house are crazy about caillou, cat in the hat, octonauts, and arthur, among many other shows that are seriously non-entertaining if you are old enough to shave. But they are pretty good tv for their own demographic.

  • apsutter

    Finn's dancing baby song still kills me and Regular Show is amazing. There's also a YouTube channel where the creator of Adventure Time made a show(can't remember the name) and it has this adorable little creature called Catbug. Look it up guys, you won't regret it.

  • BizzyBzz

    I caught the Amazing World of Gumball while working from home. I don't have kids, the channel was just on for some reason. Anyway, it was on in the background and I wasn't really paying attention (just needed something for the noise). Then suddenly, a character says "A beautiful girl can get whatever she wants!" and I was like, "Da fuq?" Bullshit message, man. My hypothetical kids will definitely not be watching cartoons.

  • Darlene

    I'd like to throw in "Stephen Universe". It's kind of fantastic.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Wait... so Archer isn't a kid's cartoon? Umm, please don't call child protective services.

  • bastich

    Uh oh, now you're in...The Danger Zone!

  • JenVegas

    I just can't with the Cartoon Network original cartoons. I think I don't do enough drugs anymore...or maybe once I did too many drugs and now I can't make enough sense out of those things to enjoy them. We love some Phineas and Ferb though. The current iteration of the TMNT cartoon is not bad, is actually pretty funny and has good voice talent. There's a Spider-Man cartoon that's pretty good too but the Hulk Agents of Smash thing is stupid. I hear there's going to be a Guardians of the Galaxy show soon too. That's a good thing. They popped up on Spider-Man over 4th of July weekend and now my kid thinks Groot is THE BEST. But he's too young for the movie so we'll be happy to have him on our TV at some point.

  • The Butt

    I have a hard time getting into the Marvel cartoon shows now because every time they get a really good one going, it gets cancelled and replaced prematurely. I know much of this has to do with the politics of the Disney takeover or whatever, but Wolverine & The X-Men, Avengers EMH, and Spectacular spider-Man were worth keeping around.

  • RobynRobotron

    My stepson is the same age as your daughter. He's not that into tv, he prefers video games (specifically level editors, he like to be creative, he told me). He did turn me onto Phineas and Ferb, and I was plesantly surprised. It reminds me of Fairly Odd Parents, which I adore. Of course, I love Adventure Time and Regular Show. Hopefully Clarence and Teen Titans Go will show up on Netflix. I just cant imagine showing my kids tv with commercials, it's just too much. My toddler watched the 80's cartoon episode of Futurama (which is brilliant, btw), and after all the fake commercials during the Strawberry Shortcake parody, the first thing she said was "I want berries!" I will never ration screen time, but I want to keep them from children's advertising as long as I can.

  • The advertising kills me, especially on Nick Jr. It used to be just Moose and Bird, with the big face sometimes.

    Last night I had to explain why I am not buying her the pillow pajamas that look like a unicorn. Again.

  • RobynRobotron

    Yeah, I just can't. If it's not on Netflix or worth getting on DVD, we don't watch it.

  • Wrestling Fan

    I just don't get Regular Show.
    And to a lesser degree, Uncle Grandpa.

  • Miss Kate

    Uncle Grandpa is pretty unwatchable (except, of course, for the Giant Realistic Flying Tiger). But Regular Show is just so delightfully weird. Still can't stand Teen Titans Go, though...

  • Will these be the antibiotic that cures my daughter of Caillou, or do we just have to ride out that virus?

  • Idle Primate

    Caillou is aimed primarily at toddlers. seems like a pretty good toddler show and toddlers like it. being stuck with your kid's viewing preferences may be like a prison sentence, but it doesn't make them bad at what they are.

  • Sigh. I was afraid of that, but it's good to know I'm not alone. Thanks for all the support.

  • sherryb23

    I'm so sorry but llp below is right. You just have to ride it out. And grit your teeth. And drink. Whoever came up with this show clearly hates parents.

  • We will pray for you.

    My daughter loves Peppa Pig. LOVES IT. We have seen every one approximately 1,245 times each. I pray for the sweet release of a new episode of Sofia the First to distract her for a moment before we go back to Peppa.

  • sherryb23

    OH GOD, do I hate Peppa Pig. The constant snorting drives me batshit insane.

  • RobynRobotron

    Oh, I was furious when my partner put on Caillou for our toddler. Luckily, she showed no interest after the first episode. She prefers Yo Gabba Gabba, Daniel Tiger, Super Why, and Leapfrog. She does like Adventure Time, but never asks to watch it.

  • foolsage

    There is no cure. I am so sorry.

  • llp

    Ride that shit out, sadly.

  • steven wiser

    Ah Teen Titans has slowly become one of my favorites. My kid has slowly been moving off of Sprout and venturing into other networks some of the shows make me feel like bashing my head in (Rabbids) but not TTG. I am not sure which episode it is but the moment they made a small wonder reference and Cyborg went on a full rant about the oddities of the show it won me over. In fact I found myself watching it alone the other day, while my kid was taking a nap.

  • yetipuncher

    I agree with all of the above, and would also like to add Disney's Gravity Falls to the list. Dipper and Mabel are 12 year old twins spending the summer with their Great Uncle Stan in his tourist trap shop, The Mystery Shack. Kristen Schaal voices Mabel, Jason Ritter voices Dipper, and Linda Cardellini voices Dipper's teenage crush, Wendy.

    Supernatural hijinks ensue, and the transition from childhood to young adulthood is a recurring theme. Like most shows listed above, Gravity Falls is very self-aware, and original music is used to great effect.

    My 9 and 7 year old sons love this show.

    Dipper trains to be a man under the guidance of minotaurs, and Mabel attempts to pull a My Fair Lady on Grunkle Stan.

  • sherryb23

    It took me awhile to get into this one--the 9-year-old loves it--but have to admit that it's grown on me.

  • Cowtools

    Gravity Falls is so good it sits somewhere between kid's cartoon and cartoon sitcom.
    'The Time-Traveller's Pig' is a masterpiece. How many kid's cartoons have jokes referencing first-wave feminism?

  • rocklacasa

    Okay, I'll say it: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic should be on this list. My 5 year old daughter loves this show, and it one of the few shows that I don't want to claw my ears out while she watches. It has a decent message (winning and success are not as great as being true to your friends) and I love every time my daughter yells, "I saw Derpy!" (An animator's mistake turned recurring Easter egg).

  • Tinkerville

    I. Freaking. Love. This. Show.

    No, I don't have kids. Please don't judge me.

  • apsutter

    I don't have kids yet I dvr MLP and all the other cartoons mentioned plus more. If I have a bad day at work they're my pick me up

  • Pinky McLadybits


  • $116023062

    +1 For the Adventure Time love but I can't believe you didn't mention BMO!



  • Pinky McLadybits


  • apsutter

    BMO is so wonderful :)

  • llp

    I love, love, love Adventure Time and Regular Show. Plus, Phineas and Ferb has the best music.

  • AvaLehra

    I make my kid (who just turned 10 last month) twitchy by singing the Adventure Time song as "Bake the dog and skin the human..." It's fun watching him react and say, "Stop singing it that way!"

  • googergieger

    I don't know. When I get high, I tend to just do anything else but watch cartoons. Different strokes though and all that.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    The fact that I don't have kids but DVR Phineas and Ferb could probably be sad, but I choose to believe it proves I'm young at heart.
    Also, I yell "curse you Perry the Platypus!" whenever I'm upset.

  • sherryb23

    You, madame, are awesome.

  • Tinkerville

    I have no shame in admitting that I watch and love Phineas and Ferb. That show is downright genius.

  • sherryb23

    Confession: I've been known to watch episodes when the kid isn't around.

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  • ZbornakSyndrome

    ...yeah. I have the Perry theme and the Platypus Controlling Me songs on my iPod...
    I don't have kids.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    That song is my ringtone for when my husband calls. I'm not sure why.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    The Perry Theme is my ringtone on Zborny's phone, I'm oddly proud of that.

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