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5 Exciting New Opportunities for Glenn Beck Following His Departure from Fox News!

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | April 7, 2011 |


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It was announced yesterday that Glenn Beck, the fiery Fox News pundit, would be leaving his show later this year. Most suspect that, despite high ratings (his was the third-highest rated cable news program) that Beck was forced out, not because of ratings, but because no one would sponsor his television show. Apparently, Beck couldn't get Applebee's to advertise on a show where the host suggested that the President was building concentration camps in America to round up dissenters; discussing the bloodshed that would ensue in America's Civil War against Obama; or insinuating that Obama is "addicting this country to heroin -- the heroin that is government slavery." For some reason, corporate America just doesn't want to associate itself with Beck's weepy sermons.

Odd.

The idea, apparently, is that Glenn Beck won't leave the station; he'll instead work behind the scenes to create exciting new projects for Fox News. But we here at Pajiba thought we'd float a few other ideas that Glenn Beck might consider after his show goes off the air (or tomorrow!) Given the right attitude, and an aggressive marketing strategy, I think any one of these plans could be profitable for someone, somewhere!

5 Exciting New Opportunities for Glenn Beck Following His Departure from Fox News!


1. He can stick his head in an industrial blender!

2. He can take a nice swim in an oil spill!

3. He can drown himself in a hot, boiling vat of molasses. On live TV!

4. He can test tailpipe emissions on new cars. With his mouth!

5. He can jump up my ass.

And so that he doesn't run into the same issues he's having with advertisers now, if Glenn Beck decides to try out one of our suggestions, Pajiba will proudly line up to be the first sponsor of one of these exciting new ventures!


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