Pajiba

Since I am, at the time of my noticing this thread, the first to comment, but alas have no interest in the Emmy's...

I just wanna remark how amusing it was to see "Emmy Awards Open Thread!" displayed so broadly on the front page. And no comments.

That is all.

I like "30 Rock".

I don't like "Mad Men".

That is all.

I only really care about NPH. If he wins, the rest of the Emmy's will be moot for me. That having been said, I will be enjoying them with pizza and copious amounts of cheap champagne.

*ok you ho's need to GO!*

*lights Newport 100*

*cough* *cough*

Eh ....what's an Emmy?

THE OFFICE

Kimmel did it already as a bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2752gfOlYp0

Jimmy. Kimmel. I am thinking like Jimmy Kimmel. My life is over.

Okay, I'm stuck watching this crap 'cuz I'm covering for Abby over on Yeeeah! tomorrow. It hasn't even been on for five minutes, and I think I already fell asleep twice. Has Oprah always talked like this? She's so affected. I don't watch her show, because I don't live in a nursing home, but hooooooly shit. How does she get through every day without at least ten people punching her in the face?

You know the opening was bad when PIVEN is making fun of you.

However, if they had just let Tina Fey and Amy Poehler stand up there and talk for the whole time, I would happily watch.

I love Kristin Cheynowyth. I wish they'd just let her sing 30 theme songs. And wear one of those bewbsome outfits from Pushing Daisies. I could watch, I mean listen to, her sing all night.

Michael Emerson was fucking ro-hob-bbed!

I love Ricky Gervais. I know AtO thinks he's a nasty little troll, but he makes me giggle.

Debra Messing won an Emmy once? Seriously?

Not watching the Emmys tonight. The last game ever to be played at Yankee Stadium is on. Ugh, the tears.

Hahahaha!! Nice Rainbow Killer zinger, Conan!

Yes Conan! And a hilarious little clip for the writers. Him and Jolie.

A little crack in the character for Colbert? So much more heartfelt for it.

Such a professional. Such solid material. And honestly, following Howie Mandel just makes it all the better. You Go Steve Martin. You speak the truth about those Smothers Bros. I saw a doc about them and it was pretty solid. They had some good stuff considering the time. The censors really messed them up.

You go, Mr. Smothers!

I bet Groban Raises you Up. I bet $100!!

ANIMAL!!!

How an auditorium chock full of assholes is finding the collective restraint to not throw everything that isn't bolted down at Josh Groban's head is fascinating to me.

Xanax, Sarina. Lots and lots of Xanax.

God I would Sock it To Kristin Cheynowyth. But really, does anyone have a "Sock it To Me' that can top Nixon's?

Why is Lauren Conrad even there??

Is it not funny that she called it "The Bones". And hell yes 30 Rock. You Rock the Guest Stars. And thank god Seinfeld didn't win anything for being there.

Ugh. Seriously, how much more of this is left? I don't want to look up how much time the show was scheduled for, because I suspect I'll be horrified by the length and further enraged when it undoubtedly runs long. I don't... none of this is funny. Or entertaining. I do not like it, and I don't want to play anymore. If someone doesn't do something outrageously inappropriate soon, I will be forced to write a strongly worded letter of complaint.

OR, that cracked me up, too! I'm totally calling it "The Bones" from now on.

Kristin C. is just adorable with Lee Pace! I want to be in a Kristin/Lee sandwich@

Ooooh yay, '30 Rock'!!

Yes, I meant for the @ to be at the end of that sentence...

Is it just me or did that guy have one giant bottom tooth?!

Noooo Optimus Rhyme! You can't go to sleep and leave me. We're in this together. We took a vow...or whatever.

I am envious though, my meds aren't nearly shhhtrooong enough to get through another hour or so of this crap.

Oh Lainey, I may have to stay around just to keep on a self imposed suicide watch of sorts. I may have taken too much of my miracle elixir. I suppose it'll all turn out right in the long run. But I'm just going to keep on Pajib'n for a bit. It'll keep my mind-grapes fresh.

Holy God Josh Groban.

Good fucking lord how the hell is this happening? OHMYGOD I AM THROWING MY REMOTE AT THE TV!

FUCK YOU JOSH GROBAN YOU OWE ME A REMOTE

FUCK YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

Do you have some kind of a delay, figgs? Been there and done that. I'm on Eastern Time and I assume Lainey must be East Coast as well. So, Lainey.. are you watching this with some kind of significant other? Or do you need the strong arms of a man? (I am in so many ways the worst for the job right now. My arms are waifish and duchess-like and I am entirely unable to operate machinery.)

OH MY GOD!!! NPH and Chenowyth! Too much for me! Too much broadway awesome!

I passed out for a minute there. From the rage.

yeah, Rhyme Master. I'm just watching Laura Linney win, thinking that it's a rule of the universe that she has to be nominated in every awards show ever.

I'm in Honduras and have like a 16 hour delay because this country sucks and we get our NBC feed from...Denver. But it's better than watching the national tv broadcast that has everyone badly dubbed into Spanish by two people who clearly do not understand what the hell is going on half the time.

Onwards!

How is it that Don Rickles is 753 years old and still funnier than most of the people on television!? And Kathy Griffin was completely adorable with him!

Also, I too *heart* NPH and KChen.

Also, Optimus, if you're into older wimmins, I like my boys young & waify...

Ooh lala, Las Beaverplatz enters our den of sin.
Yes, Don Rickles was awesome. "Pulled up in a money truck and said here's $4, Jew."
I am both intrigued and titillated by your Palinesque "Knife Pile" but I'm afraid you'll have to share my heavily drugged body with Lainey from 2 posts up. I don't know if you're familiar with the French practice of menage a trois?

Lainey, we should've done a drinking game.

Or here's a game I came up with to help the rage:

Every time StewCarBert makes an appearance, heave a dreamy sigh and fantasize about all three of them being my slaves* and catering to my every whim while indulging in their man love.

Every time one of the DoucheHosts shows up, punch a nearby pillow and indulge in another StewCarBert fantasy to calm my soul.

And every other time something annoys me, take a swig of my handy-dandy bottle of Chardonnay, and get increasingly happy as the night goes on!

It's working! Wine + StewCarBert= mmm.

*sex slaves.

Yeah, Optimus, I'm like Ted Boynton's age - I think you said he could be your dad? So, yeah, um, what AvB said. If you like 'em older, come on by. I like my younguns, ummm, young...that's pretty much my only real requirement. We can share, right Anna?

And Emmy related - Kate Walsh looked stunning!

Think of the Boobs, jay! Her glorious sweater puppies! And for God's sake, make Paul Giamatti a Batman villian! He's the Ventriloquist for God's Sake! Am I the only one who sees it! All sweaty and self-depreciating! Perfect for it! And for Gods' Sake, give it to Baldwin!

Oh, the sad part....

Oh God I miss West Wing. I miss it so.

Oh my heart aches for West Wing.

Where is Alison Janney? Why isn't she in more shows?

Tom Bergeron, shut your stupid face. American TV also gave the world "Dancing with the Stars", and I wouldn't be proud of that if I were you.

Oh, Martin Sheen. Not partisan? Are you senile? I love you enough to be able to let that go by. But...bitch, please.

Think of the Boobs, jay! Her glorious sweater puppies!

I hadn't noticed, but her face looks not-quite-human to me.

Lainey! The proper term is "head suit".

Hal! I always liked him on Malcolm. I really need to find his new show somewhere. And Jay, I wish I had caught that. Head-Suit was one of my favorite of his lines. It's after 6, what are you, a farmer?

Lawrence Fishbourne looks like he's gonna take your car keys and go park your car somewhere.

Love the moment where Tom Bergeron tries to hug the super germophobic Howie Mandel and Howie just jumps back and waves him off. Jimmy Kimmel, I'm done with you. Go back to wherever it was you came. I believe it was local radio?

*smacks head* How could I be so stupid? You're right, Jay! Oh and Jay, while I have you here, you need to check out Kristin's boobs - They. Are. Fabulous! Seriously. I have boobs myownself (and very nice ones, I'm not gonna' lie), and I am in awe of hers.

Oh and YAY Tina!

AAAKKKCH!! There's a skeleton masquerading as MTM!!!!! Make it go away!

Betty White, you just can't get any cuter! I want her to be my grandma.

How does Two and a Half Men keep getting nominated! It's just wrong! Well, I saw Tom Selleck so I think I've gotten everything I could out of this Emmies. Thank you Pajiba for making this thing watchable. I like this concept of Pajiba as the friends you watch a crappy movie with and tear it apart. It's nice to replicate that experience when you're so sick that you're told (by doctor's orders) not to be near other people for 48 hours.

Really? I can't decide if I'm surprised by this or not (referring to drama). (figgy-this might be a spoiler for you so don't look! ......ugh. Probst?)

*Phew* bedtime! enjoy those meds, Optimus.

Sally Field looks and sounds really, really tired.

aaaw damn! I LOOKED! I LOOKED.

Stupid Probst dimpleface.

Don't worry about spoiling me! I don't think any of this will come as a surprise, really.

Tell me, does the theater blow up when Probst wins?

I think I'm just gonna change to Figgy now. Figgylicious is too damn long to write when one has had as much wine as I have. *hic*

Kate Walsh is gooorgeous.

Why does Jeremy Piven make me so unreasonably angry?

Goodnight, Laney! I'll do my best!

Just woke up, but, hey, Mad Men won and I'm both surprised and happy. I like that a slow-paced drama with only personal interaction as its centerpiece can win that award.

I refused to watch this and opted for Sunday Night Football. Sounds like I missed nothing.

I hate Josh Groban. He is more annoying than nails on a chalkboard. Why doesn't someone take him, tie him to a chair, and make him listen to his crappy music over and over with no option of escape until he finally agrees to quit singing.

Dear , why won't someone, anyone, make him stop?

I'm so glad Mad Men won. I'm basically addicted to this show and in love with Peggy's family.

Although I am sort of a hypocrite since I intentionally miss it on Sunday nights then stay up until after midnight to get it OnDemand. Mmmm, sweet sweet DVR action! The only downside are those damn 'Viva Viagra' commercials. Damn you, baby blue suit!

Wow, nothing like waking up after medicated rest than going to an 8 o' clock class. I am quite certain I died halfway through my test and a nearby TA resurrected me because she thought I was cheating, slumped over like I was. Trying to keep my shit together while simultaneously ace-ing a test is one of those "Optimus Rhyme Moments of Brilliance" that I'm able to pull off about once a semester. It's a talent that often applies to getting laid and winning ridiculous bets. I can never use them as a crutch or else they'll often backfire. It is quite a life I lead.

Bryan...

Cranston is OK. But I wanted john hamm to win (or Spader)

dZ6UcT hi! this is