Once Upon a Time in the Projects
The Longshots / Brian Prisco
You’ve already seen this movie. It is every inspirational football movie (We Are Marshall, Friday Night Lights, Remember the Titans), every sort of low-income children struggling just to play a sport film (Little Giants, The Sandlot, The Mighty Ducks), and every black hardworking kid trying to make it big flick (Finding Forrester, Antwone Fisher, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit). Chunks and nuggets from every single one of those films have been ground-up in a big bowl and mashed until there’s nothing identifiable or original left. Then the greyish, gruel-flavored pablum is spooned up tepid for airing on the Disney Channel or ABC Family. The only foreseeable reason something like this would be created, other than to capitalize on the Eddie Murphy as farting donkey alien crowd or the Ice Cube uncomfortably around children in whose asses he’s not permitted to bust a cap Family Film crowd, would be because Best Buy and Wal-Mart needed a third film to cheaply box-set with Gridiron Gang and The Game Plan.
The Longshots is based on the true story of Jasmine Plummer (Keke Palmer), the first girl ever to compete in the Pop Warner football league. Instead of capitalizing on the interesting premise of dealing with being the first female (black or other color) in the league, writer Nick Santora — whose credits are mostly episodes of “Prison Break” and “Law & Order” — decides instead to make the event second banana to a ridiculously contrived plot involving Jasmine’s uncle, Curtis Plummer (Ice Cube), and his own trials and tribulations. So instead of one captivating story, we’ve got two embarrassingly trite parallel tales, shoehorned into a movie that manages to hit every single solitary cliche in the history of sentimental sport films. I can only imagine Brozilla had a checklist and decided to just write each as an individual scene rather than trying to make a cohesive and amusing film. The dialogue is so terrible, Santora should be forced to publicly eat his WGA card, defecate the remains, and eat the shit. You can actually feel the actors shake their heads and die a little as the film progresses.
The movie isn’t terrible otherwise. It’s just been done to death. It’s not even beating a dead horse, it’s kicking the greasy black mulch where the dead horse has long been dead. The cast is excellent, and while not necessarily rising above their terrible material, they manage to tread water ably. Ice Cube is a good actor. When he’s playing Ice Cube. He’s not an action star, he’s not a family man, he’s not even a fucking Martian Ghostbuster. He can play a dude just trying to get by like nobody’s business, and that’s what Curtis Plummer is: a guy who sits outside a middle school drinking Bud tallboys from a paper bag and mourning the days when he used to play football. Palmer is also talented. I give her insane amounts of credit for at least making the effort to unDisney-fy herself. She handles Jasmine’s maturation ably, going from shy wallflower to hardworking quarterback.
But when life gives you shit, you really can only make shit salad. And Santora, he made the Waldorf of shit salads. I can hear the Adaptation-style internal monologue of Santora writing this script:
A poor community suffering from an industrial shut-down as backdrop. A poor black girl who’s a nerd because she reads and picked on by the other kids…okay, well, just one girl with a disturbingly large pair of red lips and a Dawn Weiner scowl, keep reusing her. Jasmine’s daddy’s gone, and mom works two jobs to get by. Why? Because she’s black and that’s what happens. Don’t you watch any Tyler Perry? Enter her uncle Curtis and make sure he is always carrying a football, everywhere, cause he used to play. Populate the town with plenty of colorful colored characters for later scenes. Uncle has to babysits Jasmine. Lots of walking down secluded railroad tracks so we can have her shouting I-Hate-You and running away. Okay, put that in there twice. The football team can’t complete a pass, and has two plucky coaches who don’t realize they need Curtis’ help. Have Jasmine throw a football to Curtis, make sure we put an obvious whooshing sound in cause she threw it really hard. Not too hard, this isn’t about the American Pie kid who can hurl a ball from the outfield to home plate. (Hmm…remake that though.) Curtis wants Jasmine on the team, but she doesn’t want to play…she wants to be model! She watches Tyra Banks, likes Beyonce, and admires Oprah. What year is the movie supposed to be? Oh, who cares, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter. It’s really important the first girl to break the football gender barrier aspires to just be pretty. Because that’s what all girls really want. Sports are icky and make you sweat, and sweat is gross. (See if we can get Secret Antiperspirant to sponsor our movie.) Curtis gets her on the team. Wait? Doesn’t playing quarterback involve a lot more than just throwing like reading receivers, calling plays, and you know, getting tackled? Ah, screw that, too much detail, this isn’t The Replacements. If Keanu can do it, anyone can. Have her throw the ball once and impress the laughing teammates. Throw in a funny getting dressed scene. Put a cup in it! Cups are funny, balls are funny, girls don’t have balls! Box office gold. Back to the bullying. Have someone tackle her repeatedly. Have her hit him in the crotch with the ball. Crotch shots always win on AFV! Then the team likes her. Cause she scored a touchdown once. Make sure we do a lot of the team losing montages, slowly they’ll get better. If we make one girl able to throw a football, suddenly everyone will be able to catch, avoid blockers, and tackle. Have a bunch of trick plays with a weird looking white kid. Can we shrink Jonah Hill? Just get a smallish Jewish. Then give Ice Cube a love interest. Let’s make him fall for Jasmine’s…teacher! Even though she’s not important to the story. In fact, let’s make Jasmine’s only caveat for joining the team that Uncle Curtis has to ask the teacher on a date. Of course the middle school teacher will go out with the homeless dude who never changes his clothing and is unemployed and drinks beer outside the school because he’s Ice Cube, and he’s got game! (Note: ask a black person what game is). The coach will have a heart attack when they’re winning, but not like in Major League. Ooh! His kid’s on the team, and have him yell, “Daaaaaad!” in slow-mo. I just orgasmed in my heart’s pants! Give Ice Cube a whistle! Put in a dance scene now. Why? I don’t know, black people like to dance, right? Now let’s make bad stuff happen. So they have things to overcome and stuff. That weird Dawn Weiner girl, make her a bitchy, jealous cheerleader or something. Then the team will like Jasmine because she’s part of the team. At no point should we acknowledge that Jasmine is a girl or especially a girl of color because that would make this a message film, don’t want that! The coach almost dies, but let’s eliminate their funding and make the team raise the money. But make it easy for them to get the money. Scratch off lotto ticket? Curtis’s “Go to Miami — Get Out of Minden” fund! Wait, no, let’s make it both! Set the final game in Miami, that’s ironical! Oh, make sure Jasmine’s sleazy, absent father comes back in the picture right before big game. Have him let her down. Won’t it seem weird that Jasmine takes sides with her uncle rather than her birth father? Who’m I kidding? It’s Ice Cube!
And it just keeps going like that. It’s like they just crammed in everything they ever saw in a movie before. It all culminates in the Big Game with lots of positive messages and a parade that saves the town somehow and a happy sad ending, yada, yada, yada, all that jazz. In fact, I was seriously expecting Jasmine to get off the bus after the big game and have her mother say, “By the way, I had cancer, but I beat it while you were gone. No worries!” The only thing missing was a retarded kid joining the team. My lady made an interesting point, that the movie was almost structured like a musical. It felt like people were just on the verge of breaking out in the Monorail song. There was even a scene in a diner with the black preacher talking about Main Street that just begged for a musical number. Had this been a musical, it would have been the perfect movie. Next time, next time.
The movie was directed by Fred Durst, the man responsible for Limp Bizkit and the rest of the rap-metal movement. I saw Fred Durst at Barnes and Noble in Los Angeles. He was all fat and old and tatted up with his little Durst-Bursters running around him and his plastically enhanced missus. He’s Fat Old Guy Mosh Pit now, and it shows. But I don’t blame him for this movie. The only mistake he made was layering every scene with Randy Newman-esque music. I mean, every scene. It was as if he were insecure people would know it was supposed to be a dramatic scene, so he just sprayed John Williams all over everything. There wasn’t much he could do with this, so he just overdid it. I would actually like to see him get a chance with some quality material, maybe some sort of indie thriller or horror before I dismiss him outright. I don’t think anyone could have saved this script. Even Chris Columbus would have probably thrown in a Muppet or something.
Brian Prisco is a warrior-poet from the valley of North Hollywood, by way of Philadelphia. He wastes most of his life in desk jobs, biding his time until he finally becomes an actor, a writer, or cannon fodder in the inevitable zombie invasion. He can be found shaking his fist and angrily shouting at clouds on his blog, The Gospel According to Prisco.
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Comments
"Note: ask a black person what game is."
Bless you, you magnificent motherfucker.
Posted by: TK at August 25, 2008 2:41 PM
Dear Ice Cube,
Please stop making movies. It's not working for you. Go back to the recording business. Wouldn't you like to be a producer and actually make money without being laughed at? (And I don't mean that in a "you make comedies now" way, I mean that EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT YOUR SELLOUT PUSSY SELF. Please don't shoot me.)
Kisses, love and puppy hugs,
Nicole
P.S. - Please put a cap in Fred Durst.
Posted by: Nicole at August 25, 2008 2:43 PM
The movie was directed by Fred Durst...
I thought you were making a joke when I first read this sentence. I had to check the imdb to make sure you weren't.
Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 25, 2008 2:47 PM
Don't laugh at me, but I can't tell if the whole "directed by Fred Durst" line was a joke. If it is a joke, it's kind of a non sequitor, but still... you can't possibly be serious...
Can you? I mean, Fred Durst? As in Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog-Flavored water Fred Durst? As in the guy who once rhymed nookie with cookie in one of the worst lyrics ever? That can't... It's just not...
Oh shittles. My brain just slipped out of my cranial cavity. Super. Now I have one hell of a nosebleed. Curse you, Mr. Starfish!! Curse you to the fiery depths!! You owe me a new blouse!!
Posted by: Mella at August 25, 2008 2:51 PM
AAAAHHHH!!! My eyes are burning!!!
Seriously, though...when I read your internal monologue bit...I actually felt the vacuuming of my intellect from the screen. This is so preposterous as to be completely satirical. What that ending needed was for Orpah to appear at the end of the movie and tell the girl that she won a free makeover by Tyra Banks...and then she'll get all prettified like we know all female heroines are supposed to be..
Ugh...my gag reflex isn't what it used to be. No thank you. But I liked the informative review, Prisco. And especially the respect given to an actor who doesn't deserve it anymore. Cube, baby, call me when I fire your agent and start doing quality roles.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 25, 2008 2:56 PM
And I don't mean that in a "you make comedies now" way, I mean that EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT YOUR SELLOUT PUSSY SELF. Please don't shoot me
Never fear, my sweet Nicole...he no longer has the ability to get into a rage, or be intimidating, or make white people cross the street when he walks down the sidewalk. I'm pretty sure he's hired someone to repeatedly kick him in the balls in between sets to play Mr. T in the A-Team movie.
Hmmm...can I volunteer for that?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 25, 2008 3:01 PM
So much for the world's biggest dick. I guess she bit it.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at August 25, 2008 3:04 PM
In fact, let's make Jasmine's only caveat for joining the team that Uncle Curtis has to ask the teacher on a date. Of course the middle school teacher will go out with the homeless dude who never changes his clothing and is unemployed and drinks beer outside the school...
I tried to tell that to Ms. Dixon. But instead of opening herself up to receive a little love in her life, she decide to report my uncle to INS. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DIE ALONE MS. D?
Posted by: jM at August 25, 2008 3:07 PM
Yes. I mean that Fred Durst. And this isn't the first time he's directed either. He did another movie called The Education of Charlie Banks that was supposedly not terrible, but also very derivative and unoriginal despite a decent cast (Jesse Eisenberg, Jason Ritter). Again, I stand by what I said, I don't think Fred Durst is a bad director so much as a bland director. But then again, once he went from "Counterfeit" to "My Life" the writing was pretty much on the wall.
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at August 25, 2008 3:07 PM
*decided*
Posted by: jM at August 25, 2008 3:14 PM
Ok ok, I made fun of Toby Keith and now I've got to hold my tongue and quietly endure all the shit talking about Ice Cube, Damn!
Posted by: Pookie at August 25, 2008 3:17 PM
Yes. I mean that Fred Durst... I stand by what I said, I don't think Fred Durst is a bad director so much as a bland director.
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at August 25, 2008 3:07 PM
Hmm. I see your game. You plan to best me with your crafty logic. Well. In that case, I stand by my assertion that Paris Hilton isn't a bad porn actress, just a bland one. But I still hope she suffers a prolapsed rectum, and the same goes for Fred Durst.
Posted by: Mella at August 25, 2008 3:19 PM
Paris Hilton isn't a bad porn actress, just a bland one.
But that's so much worse! It should be a crime against humanity to make porn bland. I mean, you wouldn't think it possible to yawn while watching "sex". It's to cry for, I swear. And in that vein...didn't Durst supposedly have a sex tape out? Is he a better porn actor than he is a music artist or director? I ask, because I'd strangle myself with my own intestines before watching it myself...
Pookie...I'd be curious to see what kind of defense you could possibly come up with...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 25, 2008 3:28 PM
I'm not a sexist or anything, but I think that men shouldn't have to suffer the indignity of a prolapsed rectum, it would just send out the wrong message.
Posted by: Pookie at August 25, 2008 3:36 PM
I can see it now, Fred Durst's new autobiography:
"From Nookie to Cookies: How I Cleaned Up, Found Jesus by Having Kids, and Decided to Make Shitty Movies That'll Make You Forget I Ever Was A Hard Assed Rocker, So I Can Finally Get Invited To The Oscars Like I Always Have Dreamed".
What's next, Wes is gonna get rid of the tats, and the weird contact lenses to go on Dancing With The Stars?
Posted by: Mike R. at August 25, 2008 3:37 PM
Ice Cube...man. Remember back in the day, when I was young? You were fresh out of N.W.A. and had just released Predator? You did Boyz in the Hood, Higher Learning, and Friday? You were showing promise as an actor. I hung on everything you did. Then you got a little older, and financially and professionally wiser. Wiser doesn't always mean better per se, but it means you make the smart moves, go with what you know, and do what you love. You released War and Peace, both strong albums, but nothing mind-blowing. You made Three Kings, I Got the Hookup, Barbershop, and Friday After Next. Some good movies and the obligatory sequal to capitalize on an amazing first entry. None of them was what anyone would call AMAZING, but they were the smart plays. Then, with your newly formed production company, you revolutionized the profitability of a movie in some ways with your rapid theater-to-DVD turnaround, providing entertaining fare to your fans, quickly. You were on you way to becoming one of the most powerful men (let alone black men) in all of Hollywood. Then....oh then...you made Are We There Yet, Torque, and the godawful xXx sequal. These movies did nothing to add to your resume. You took part in the sequal to a pointless first entry...and then sullied your initial Exec Producer credit by making a 3rd "Friday" movie. What happened? Where is the man that had so much potential...so much drive...so much passion? He's reduced to working with Fred Durst and taking it in the nuts from a 9 year old kid who throws up in your Navigator. He's become a heavier version of Martin Lawrence...only slightly more likely to bust a cap in my ass.
Back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore. But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.
Posted by: PissBoy at August 25, 2008 3:41 PM
"Cups are funny, balls are funny, girls don't have balls!"
Wait. Waitwaitwaitwait. Hold the hell on - WHAT?! Yeah, I get the cups and balls are funny. Hahahahaha! Great. But what's that last part, there? "...girls don't have balls!"? Har-de-friggin' har, Prisco, har-de-HAR! What's next, oh minstrel of merriment? Girls don't have boobies? Come ON, man - It's common knowle...
Huh?
...they don't? Whaddya mean, they don't? For serious?
Oh. Well that explains a lot... Jesus. That... does that mean that I've been...? No, that's just crazy... You guys are just fooling! FOOLERS! HA!
Posted by: Skittimus Maxi...huh? at August 25, 2008 3:49 PM
As you know Shadows, in the past I was in the business for a while. Porn as art is a sight to behold, only when man is in his rush to make money off of something so wholesome and natural does it become ugly and impure. When the female body is cast as a gift only then can it be fully received as a gift, as to the question of Paris, only those with a keen eye can enjoy her treasures. A person full of hate will cast scorn upon Paris not fully appreciating her many skills. I hope that I've answered you question Shadows.
Posted by: Pookie at August 25, 2008 3:53 PM
Fred Durst was once a hard assed rocker? Was I on the toilet for those five minutes on MTV? I thought he was born straight into wiggerdom.
Posted by: jM at August 25, 2008 3:53 PM
And just because I still need to get the bad taste out of my mouth and I still feel like being musical...
Cube... Hey Cube! Bro...
You did it all for the paycheck!
What?!
The paycheck!
Come-on!
So you can take your respect!
And stick it up your - yeah!
And sitck it up your - yeah!
Posted by: PissBoy at August 25, 2008 3:55 PM
The real question (vis a vis a good day/movie) is Did Prisco have to use his AK?
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at August 25, 2008 3:57 PM
I'm not a sexist or anything, but I think that men shouldn't have to suffer the indignity of a prolapsed rectum, it would just send out the wrong message.
Posted by: Pookie at August 25, 2008 3:36 PM
Oh Pookie, you're such a card!! You always know just what to say to make me laugh!
Posted by: Mella at August 25, 2008 4:00 PM
jM, compared to some of his contemporaries, he seemed hard assed, and he seems even more hard assed when you compare his current efforts to his previous ones. I should have put that into perspective.
Posted by: Mike R. at August 25, 2008 4:08 PM
Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, I see the Women banner is still up, and it displays the tagline, "a new comedy about finding out what you really want". A couple answers come to mind...
- "looks like they wanted an advertising budget"
- "looks like they wanted some capital letters in the tagline, but couldn't afford them"
- "looks like they wanted a poor excuse for women to congregate and continue to annoy men to the point of extinction."
or my own, personal answer,
- "Diane English's head on a silver plater, garnished with parsley and Candice Bergen's half dead career"
Sidenote: Does Candice Bergen count as a woman anymore? I swear, the first moment she was in the trailer and her back was turned I thought, "Oh, finally, a male representative in this otherwise vagtastically uplifting film".
Then i saw it was Candice Bergen and immediately vomited when I thought of the remote possibility William Shatner would want to have sex with THAT, whether in fiction or in real life.
Posted by: Mike R. at August 25, 2008 4:15 PM
Cups are funny, balls are funny, girls don't have balls!
One girl, two cups? No, wait...never mind.
Even Chris Columbus would have probably thrown in a Muppet or something
Not on my watch!
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 25, 2008 4:17 PM
Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube
From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes
When I'm called off, I got a sawed off
Squeeze the trigger, and bodies are hauled off
You too, boy, if ya fuck with me
The police are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo ass, that's how I'm goin out
For the punk motherfuckers that's showin out
Niggaz start to mumble, they wanna rumble
Mix em and cook em in a pot like gumbo
Goin off on a motherfucker like that
with a gat that's pointed at yo ass
So give it up smooth
Ain't no tellin when I'm down for a jack move
Here's a murder rap to keep yo dancin
with a crime record like Charles Manson
AK-47 is the tool
Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool
Me you can go toe to toe, no maybe
I'm knockin niggaz out tha box, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that I'm down with the capital C-P-T
Boy you can't fuck with me
So when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duck
Coz Ice Cube is crazy as fuck
As I leave, believe I'm stompin
but when I come back, boy, I'm comin straight outta Compton...
....aaah, I prefer to remember *THAT* Ice Cube, not this, impostor.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 25, 2008 5:32 PM
Ha HA! Fred Durst is fat and tatooed and ugly AND he made a movie that SUCKS...what a HUGE surprise!
Posted by: ph at August 25, 2008 5:45 PM
Bslim, I think of you when I hear this little ditty.
Yeah, There was a funky singer Playin' in a rock & Roll Band
And never had no problems yeah Burnin' down one night stands
And everything around me, yeah
Got to stop to feelin' so low And I decided quickly, Yes I did
To disco down and check out the show Yeah they was
Dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die , oh till you die
Hey wait a minute Now first it wasn't easy
Changin' Rock & Roll and minds And things were getting shaky
I thought I'd have to leave it behind
But now its so much better
I'm funking out in every way
But I'll never lose that feelin'
Of how I learned my lesson that day
When they were.....
Dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right
Play that funky music white boy
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die
Till you die , oh till you die
They shouted play that funky music
Play that funky music
Play that funky music
Gotta keep on playin' funky music
Play that funky music
Posted by: Pookie at August 25, 2008 5:59 PM
I agree ph, are we really surprised that Fred Durst is now fat with a plastic wife and making crappy obvious movies? The guy was never a ground breaking musician. He was a guy who dipped catchy poptunes in a well-timed rap/rock sauce. Just because he inserted some curse words in there doesn't mean he was ever edgy. But I have to hand it to him, those choruses stuck in your brain. And he got to make out with Halle Berry...
Posted by: Pants at August 25, 2008 6:27 PM
Pookie:
Your hollaback to Slim's NWA rant is even funnier when you consider his Star Wars rant earlier today. Play that funky music white boy, indeed!
Posted by: Che Grovera at August 25, 2008 6:32 PM
How does Keke Palmer looking throwing a football? In the preview she didn't look so good.
Posted by: EricD at August 25, 2008 6:34 PM
Hahahaha you guys are comical to me, but, you know what they say about assumptions...
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 25, 2008 6:38 PM
Maybe with the right material Durst could prove himself, but he did unexpectedly show up in the season finale(s) of House this year and didn't shit it up too horribly.
I didn't recognize him either - I saw his name in the credits and preceded to throw up inside my mouth and little bit outside after a, "wait - WAAAAAA!?" but then at the end of the episode I realized I didn't even see him. It's my own fault though I suspect, since I expected him to come walking around a corner in a giant navy blue parka and khakis with a BloSox hat on grabbing his crotch and he was really just the bartender.
Wasn't Ice Cube in a Limp Bizkit song? Or was that Method Man? Or was that Red Man? ...
Posted by: Kash at August 25, 2008 6:39 PM
I'll never forgive Fred Durst for raping Behind Blue Eyes. Douche.
Posted by: AlwaysConfused at August 25, 2008 6:48 PM
Kash it was Method Man. What ever happened to him?
Posted by: Pants at August 25, 2008 7:22 PM
Kash it was Method Man. What ever happened to him?
Posted by: Pants at August 25, 2008 7:22 PM
-------------------------------------------------
Actually, he's been doing quite a bit of work (I know, I'm surprised too), he was even in Garden State of all movies.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 25, 2008 7:31 PM
Am I going to be ostracised for not having seen Garden State yet? It sounds great, and I will see it. But like with 'Das Leben Der Anderen' I haven't gotten around to it yet.
So many movies/books/rants/world-domination-attempts/drinks, so little time...
Posted by: Pants at August 25, 2008 7:40 PM
I just orgasmed in my heart's pants!
...this going on my "Theft!" list.
Posted by: Shay at August 25, 2008 9:16 PM
Brian: no mention of the AWESOMELY HILARIOUS and somewhat similar "Rebound" starring Martin Lawrence?
Ground up in a bowl indeed.
Posted by: Indiebass at August 26, 2008 11:43 AM
I was really excited for this movie. I wanted to play Pop Warner Football SOOOOOOOOOOO bad but they didn't take girls and my mother's so bougie she thought I'd be "ruined" for marriage and that football would probably make me gay. So sad to hear the movie is utter crap.
However, it does appeal to my Educated Middle-Class Black Female Sensibilities: Girl nerd? Check. Football? Check. If she kisses a White boy, I'm totally in.
And there is something to be said for the fact they this "Black" movie contains no gun violence, video hos, or Madea. That's progress, right?
Posted by: ciji at August 26, 2008 11:48 AM
Every time I see the picture for this review, I want to put my fist through Ice Cube's retarded top hat. Only the Planter's Peanut gets a pass for wearing a top hat, and you, Mr. Cube, are no Planter's Peanut. Do you have a monocle? DO YOU??
I thought not.
Posted by: Mella at August 26, 2008 2:58 PM
Instead of crappy re-hashes, I wish they made a loveable kooky kids movie based on this story-
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28032
"They had an army of rich, well-trained prep-schoolers on their side, and all we had was our determination to triumph against impossible odds. Now I don't have jack-squat."
Posted by: madmaxmedia at August 27, 2008 5:46 PM
