Road-House-1.jpg

Drunkblogging the '80s: 'Road House'

By Courtney Enlow and Jodi Clager | Liveblogs | September 22, 2015 | Comments ()

By Courtney Enlow and Jodi Clager | Liveblogs | September 22, 2015 |


Road-House-1.jpg

Years ago, I began liveblogging some ’90s films. This year, I chose to bring the ’80s into the fold and it was solely to do this movie. But a film this vital is bigger than just one person. It requires more, especially now that Ronda Rousey will be putting on her best vest and cooling at the Double Deuce. So, for this liveblogging fete, I am joined by Jodi Clager and booze. Jodi drank her weight in sangria, I in tiny bottles of champagne.

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Tiny luxurious af champagne seen here.

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Sangria seen here. “Ignore the fancy price tag.” -Jodi

Because we are classy and eleganty. Enjoy. Be nice.

Please note: Usually, I timestamp these things, but as we were mutually watching Netflix over Rabbit, that wasn’t in the cards. So we’ll just use the actual proper time we made our comments and you can do math or something. If you want. Apologies.

Courtney Enlow - 9:26 PM
Already this is too many letters to read vertically.

Jodi Clager - 9:27 PM
Bandstand has live music? THE HELL YOU SAY.

Courtney Enlow - 9:27 PM
And this bar is the mall from Back to the Future.

OK so there was this very strange ’80s-specific thing where women had very bendy ankles that turned the whole other way when they pointed their feet in high heels. It was a thing. See also: Jessica Rabbit

Jodi Clager - 9:28 PM
Everyone had hair like Crimp Magic Barbie and heels like Red Light Skipper.

Courtney Enlow - 9:29 PM
Everyone achieved such volume then.

Jodi Clager - 9:29 PM
OH SHIT. IT’S THE MAN, THE MULLET, THE LEGEND.

Jodi Clager - 9:29 PM
He totally kicked her in the pussy. Zooks wasn’t lying.

Courtney Enlow - 9:29 PM
He is so calm. This movie is my literal zen. Like even amidst twatkickery, he is ohm. So is…guy. Bolo guy that’s in everything. What the fuck is his name.

Jodi Clager - 9:29 PM
“I say, good sir. You seem to have sullied my polo sleeve.”

Courtney Enlow - 9:29 PM
This movie was sponsored by the polo shirt corporation. And PussyKickers Conglomorated.

Jodi Clager - 9:30 PM
Bolo Guy looks like he wants to father a child so he can later scam him into donating a kidney and then fuck him over.

Jodi Clager - 9:30 PM
Dalton don’t talk to strangers.

Courtney Enlow - 9:31 PM
How does one clean up eyeballs? Like do you fill a mop and bucket with Visine?

Jodi Clager - 9:32 PM
DALTON DON’T FLY. ME AND MR T CARPOOL.

Courtney Enlow - 9:32 PM
Flying isn’t chill enough for Daltz.

Courtney Enlow - 9:32 PM
Everything about that guy’s face and line delivery makes me uncomfortable. Except his bolo. Bolo game strong.

Jodi Clager - 9:33 PM
Fat guy on a small chair: Cinemas greatest Why The Fuck Is He There At This Time Of Night role.

Jodi Clager - 9:33 PM
“Close up on the RPMs and the tape deck. Those are the money shots.”

Courtney Enlow - 9:34 PM
I thought Dalton had vanity plates and was adorable but his name is James Dalton so the DLB plates aren’t for him. Maybe Doug Benson. Probably Doug Benson.

Jodi Clager - 9:34 PM
Doug Loves Boobies

Jodi Clager - 9:34 PM
The Double Deuce: The bar so nice we shit on it twice. Does the real band stand up to play their guitars? Are their mullets mightier?

Courtney Enlow - 9:34 PM
When your director’s name is Rowdy you know you’re getting a film covered in a layer of redneck sweat and silicon grease.

Courtney Enlow - 9:34 PM
Not a single man in this bar has ever gotten anyone off. Except Swayz. He gets ladies off by looking in their general direction. Even in fancy heaven.

Jodi Clager - 9:37 PM
I AM CARRIE ANN. I THOUGHT THE MUSIC WOULD BE LOUDER.

Courtney Enlow - 9:37 PM
I THOUGHT MY BANGS WOULD BE SHORTER. I CAN’T SEE DICK.

Jodi Clager - 9:38 PM
WHAT KIND OF MOUSSE DO YOU USE? SUAVE JUST ISN’T GIVING ME THE HOLD I NEED.

Courtney Enlow - 9:38 PM
I bet this bar smells like Dep gel, moose balls, blind man tears and sadness.

Jodi Clager - 9:39 PM
Well now I feel bad for wondering if this guy was blind or just awkward as hell.

Jodi Clager - 9:39 PM
Dayton? I LIVE NEAR DAYTON. I wonder which toilet near me they played in…

Courtney Enlow - 9:39 PM
It takes a true genius to commit so deeply to sneaking up on a blind guy. Daltsicles is that genius.

Jodi Clager - 9:40 PM
“He’s fucking Dalton? HE’S GAY?”

Courtney Enlow - 9:40 PM
You know, that one strand of Swayz-bang that hangs down the whole movie got an executive producer credit.

Jodi Clager - 9:41 PM
Grabbing my girl’s tits: ALLOWED. Not having $20 to kiss ‘em: I’M KICKING YOUR ASS.

Courtney Enlow - 9:41 PM
Everyone involved in that whole scenario was enjoying everything way too much.

Jodi Clager - 9:42 PM
Is that sawdust on the floor or gonorrhea crumbs?

Courtney Enlow - 9:42 PM
Carrie Ann: She came her to trim bangs and kick ass and she’s all out of tiny scissors.

Jodi Clager - 9:43 PM
“Smeared my eyeliner and ripped my favorite ripped-sleeve shirt!”

Courtney Enlow - 9:43 PM
OK, technically, any size of balls could come in a dump truck. You just couldn’t fill said truck. I’m not here to quibble though.

Jodi Clager - 9:43 PM
Okay, okay. Maybe like a Tonka dump truck. But that’s just gross.

Jodi Clager - 9:43 PM
OH MY GOD KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE

Courtney Enlow - 9:44 PM
Ooh this music is tender. Bucolic even. I am probably not using that word right. It’s fine.

Jodi Clager - 9:45 PM
He’s about to get inside of that house. Like, right inside of it. The music helps the door open easier.

Courtney Enlow - 9:46 PM
He doesn’t need this guest house. He could just live in that guy’s sumptuous beard.

Jodi Clager - 9:46 PM
The room comes with its own hope chest, helicopter flight path, and gentle yet firm hillbilly. Wait. Phrasing.

Jodi Clager - 9:46 PM
It’s a little chilly by the pond, eh Dalton?

Courtney Enlow - 9:47 PM
Swayze may be playing it tough in this movie but his nips are forever dancing.

Jodi Clager - 9:48 PM
They’re his tiny dancers, dancing for cold air, do what you want them to do

Jodi Clager - 9:48 PM
Is this Bar Rescue? WAS THIS MOVIE THE INSPIRATION FOR BAR RESCUE?

Courtney Enlow - 9:50 PM
“It’s my way, or the highway, or my mock turtleneck’s way.”

Jodi Clager - 9:50 PM
I just can’t take him seriously in those pleat front pants.

Courtney Enlow - 9:51 PM
This “be nice” speech is my literal mantra. It’s what I say to myself everyday when I get on the Twitters.

Jodi Clager - 9:52 PM
“When my mullet tilts just so in the front, that’s the sign to start kicking ass.”

Courtney Enlow - 9:52 PM
The women in this bar are all solid 6s and under but they’re all way too hot for literally every man here.

Courtney Enlow - 9:53 PM
Sure, everyone lives in fear of the guy with the Weird Al shirt and Kevin McDonald’s hair.

Courtney Enlow - 9:55 PM
OK, hear me out here: between the fixing up cars in a junkyard and everyone asking who that guy is, this movie has shades of Grease 2. Which makes me realize the only way this movie could be better…is if it was a musical.

Jodi Clager - 9:55 PM
100% agree. It’s time for a song called “Get the Fuck Out, You Skeezy Shit Employees”

Courtney Enlow - 9:55 PM
And a Christmas scene specifically designed around using “A Patrick Swayze Christmas.”

Jodi Clager - 9:55 PM
You know my heart, Courtney. /points to you, makes heart shape with fingers

Jodi Clager - 9:56 PM
Who is the Patrick Swayze of our generation? What man could sit shirtless by a window reading a book and giggle at an orgy?

Jodi Clager - 9:57 PM
I think Charming Potato is a clear front runner

Courtney Enlow - 9:57 PM
Solid vote for His Taterness. He is the only action guy who can dance, and you know he could rock a mullet like nobody’s business.

Courtney Enlow - 9:57 PM
Carrie Ann is fucking everywhere. Her bangs have powers.

Jodi Clager - 9:58 PM
Carrie Ann uses her bangs to transmit sonar signals and triangulate the exact location of The Swayze. Her bangs go all the way around her head and then the back bangs just don’t understand what length they should be

Courtney Enlow - 9:59 PM
They’re like Kenny McCormick’s hood.

Courtney Enlow - 9:59 PM
OK, let’s stop being polite and start getting real: underwear. Are they optional? I say no. Underwear is mandatory. For everyone.

Jodi Clager - 9:59 PM
I just…jeans aren’t that gentle sometimes WITH underwear. I can only imagine that wearing jeans without that tight, white barrier is like wearing leggings made of fire ants and chlamydia.

Courtney Enlow - 10:00 PM
And I feel like if you work at the Double Deuce you need all the barriers you need.

Jodi Clager - 10:00 PM
Hazmat suits with a coating of Rain-X. Just in case.

Courtney Enlow - 10:00 PM
The lessons of this movie are as follows: “be nice,” and “ugly bitches, amirite?” And scary bad guys are named BRAD.

Jodi Clager - 10:01 PM
Brad’s eyes are not coordinated in their decision of where to look

Courtney Enlow - 10:01 PM
Brad’s scarf does his looking for him.

Jodi Clager - 10:02 PM
I just legit burst into laughter at the Tai Chi Swayze. I don’t know why the old man is surprised he’s out there. He helped Dalton oil up.

Courtney Enlow - 10:02 PM
I’m hypnotized by the sheer sheen of his Tai Chi muscles. Old Farmer McBeardface looked way fucking into that.

Jodi Clager - 10:03 PM
You know how I know Brad is rich? Helicopters AND four-wheelers. HE PROBABLY HAS A GO-KART AND A DUNE BUGGY TOO!

Courtney Enlow - 10:03 PM
That might be the only scene in movie history to have both Tai Chi and a goddamn four-wheeler.

Jodi Clager - 10:03 PM
You’re probably right, but I haven’t seen “Cool As Ice” in a while…

Courtney Enlow - 10:03 PM
Everyone in this scene is wearing button-downs. Was it a fancy meeting day at the Double Deuce.

Jodi Clager - 10:03 PM
Where was he hiding that huge hunting knife? In his sideburns?
“Unattended Beers Will Be Knocked Over By Brawling White Men”

Courtney Enlow - 10:05 PM
How does everyone in this town have a quality knife? They don’t even have teeth or underwear.

Jodi Clager - 10:05 PM
This town’s chief export is amazing-looking knives that never hit their target.

Jodi Clager - 10:05 PM
He carries his medical record around in the Necronomicon?

“Pain don’t hurt.” USA! USA! USA!

Courtney Enlow - 10:06 PM
That should literally be our nation’s motto.

Courtney Enlow - 10:06 PM
How quickly did she memorize that medical file?

Jodi Clager - 10:07 PM
My medical records also have my college degree, my favorite color, and how many letters of the alphabet I can belch.

Courtney Enlow - 10:07 PM
Her talents include: speed reading, speed stapling, french braiding and not wearing underwear.

Jodi Clager - 10:08 PM
MONSTER TRUCK! This guy is like Scrooge McDuck, but older! And everybody needs a morbidly obese cronie in suspenders.

Courtney Enlow - 10:10 PM
“I don’t believe you, character we’ve never seen before who looks like Bill Odenkirk.”

Jodi Clager - 10:11 PM
I want to go to the store called BOATS. I wonder what they sell…

Courtney Enlow - 10:11 PM
How could this pissshit town possibly manage to keep an entire boat store in business?

Jodi Clager - 10:11 PM
“Did you get robbed?” “Are you wearing a wrap blouse?”
“BOAT belongs to him, ICE CREAM, GAS STATION…they’re all his.”

Courtney Enlow - 10:12 PM
A hobby horse with a wooden dick would be a terrible gift for a small child.

Jodi Clager - 10:12 PM
It wouldn’t rock very well.

Courtney Enlow - 10:12 PM
Great gift for a hugely specific fetish, but bad gift for a kid.

Courtney Enlow - 10:12 PM
Sexual orientation: Sam Elliot’s hair in this movie

Jodi Clager - 10:13 PM
Oh, it’s laundry day. That’s why he was wearing that wrap blouse.

Courtney Enlow - 10:14 PM
There’s a giant thing of Clorox behind him. He has to soak his entire body in it after leaving work every night. But he remains unclean.

Courtney Enlow - 10:14 PM
CARRIE ANN: BANGED SONGSTRESS WAITRESS

Jodi Clager - 10:15 PM
You know he’s a bad boy because his choker necklace has a fancy tooth on it.
Moose knuckles, moose knuckles as far as the eye can see
Those pleat-front pants are my everything

Jodi Clager - 10:16 PM
“Oh, man! I got my hair all winged and my picnic dress on point for this?”

Courtney Enlow - 10:17 PM
So nice of her to wear her sexy tablecloth.

Courtney Enlow - 10:16 PM
I just did some Googling and Carrie Ann was in a film called “Tales of Erotica” in a segment called “Wet” and now I’m vomiting forever.

Jodi Clager - 10:17 PM
Carrie Ann was also on ER as Dr. Whatshername’s shitty sister that had that baby that kept Dr. Green and Dr. Whatshername from ever really having a relationship.

Courtney Enlow - 10:17 PM
THAT’S WHO SHE IS. OK, now I remember. She was a fucking problem. Fuck her bangs.

Jodi Clager - 10:17 PM
Fuck her Dr. Green cock-blocking bangs

Courtney Enlow - 10:18 PM
Dalton and Dr. Picnic belong together because they both have singular delicate bang strands.

Jodi Clager - 10:18 PM
They could share hair products and self-tanner.

Courtney Enlow - 10:18 PM
This movie is very bang-focused. Carrie Ann, too much bang. That’s how you know she’s weak.

Jodi Clager - 10:19 PM
If your banks aren’t swept to the side, curled up, or moussed to perfection, YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK

Courtney Enlow - 10:19 PM
They could have a romantic al fresco dinner on her dress.

Jodi Clager - 10:19 PM
“I didn’t say that. Have you seen the other eligible men in this town? Ugh.”

Courtney Enlow - 10:19 PM
Her hair has grown since she’s been around him. She’s having a hair-ection.

Jodi Clager - 10:20 PM
“Wayne, did you ever think that Bugs Bunny was attractive when he was wearing a dress?”

Jodi Clager - 10:20 PM
Two pool tables? THIS GUY IS CUCKOO BANANAS RICH!
“His name? C. Montgomery Burns.”

Courtney Enlow - 10:22 PM
Two kitchen ficuses? FUCKING RICHER THAN SHIT

Jodi Clager - 10:22 PM
JC PENNEY! TAKE ME NOW ON YOUR KITCHEN TABLE!

Courtney Enlow - 10:24 PM
Her demeanor is steely but his pants are billowy.

Jodi Clager - 10:24 PM
Every person in town is in line. There’s the owner of CLOTHES! And that girl works at FOOD!

Courtney Enlow - 10:25 PM
The Double D is the hottest club in town now, and I’m specifically referring to the hot, itchy feeling you get in your crevices when you enter.

Jodi Clager - 10:25 PM
Vests are a real thing in this movie. The sweater vest lets you know that Swayze is comfortable in his new clean surroundings and ready to school some motherfuckers if things go sideways.

Jodi Clager - 10:25 PM
“I’ve been standing here seductively for hours.” She let him drive her Jeep. The Jeep is a metaphor for her Lady Garden.

Courtney Enlow - 10:27 PM
She’s a doctor and she didn’t wear a single undergarment into the Double Deuce’s parking lot. She’s literally covered in yeast right now.

Jodi Clager - 10:28 PM
Uh oh. I remember this music from How Did This Get Made. It’s time for wet, slapping sounds and some rawdogging.

Courtney Enlow - 10:28 PM
Swayze has the exclusive on dancing into sexytimes to Motown jamz. And it works. I get it. He’s having her rub his dudetits.

Jodi Clager - 10:29 PM
UNLEASH THE SWAYZE KRAKEN. She’s not wincing in pleasure. That’s a fucking stone fireplace rubbing her back raw.

Courtney Enlow - 10:30 PM
That’s not a face of ecstasy—that’s a face of “FUCK, my back.”

Jodi Clager - 10:30 PM
This is the filthiest sex scene I’ve ever seen where the clothes stay on

Courtney Enlow - 10:31 PM
Everyone is so goddamn nude in this movie.

Jodi Clager - 10:31 PM
Have you ever sat bare-assed on a rough surface like that? I have and it’s not sexy and relaxing. It’s ouchy and butt-hurty. Oh, wait. They used her dress to sit on. Carry on

Courtney Enlow - 10:31 PM
That dress was $49 at Cache!

Courtney Enlow - 10:32 PM
Between the truckloads of mousse and her bleach damage they must have had to ADR out so much hair crunching.

Jodi Clager - 10:32 PM
They couldn’t runt their fingers through each other’s hair because they would break phalanges.

Jodi Clager - 10:32 PM
Did I spell phalanges correctly? Brad is a watcher

Courtney Enlow - 10:32 PM
Brad is so mad about roof-ass. How can you be mad on such a delightfully appointed chair!?

Jodi Clager - 10:33 PM
Those sweat pants have his manhood pinned in a very precise location. He points north like a compass

Courtney Enlow - 10:33 PM
They cut out the third sex scene that took place inside the farmer’s beard.

Jodi Clager - 10:34 PM
Blind Guy has all the good gossip. The people in this town don’t quite understand what blind means.

Douche, hahahahahah

They should have called it Roundhouse. BOOM! Goodnight, folks!

Were there trading cards of bar coolers in the 80s? How do people hear about fucking bouncers ‘round the world in this movie?

Courtney Enlow - 10:38 PM
They could literally wax the floor with the collection of hair grease between Sam Elliott and Swayze.

Jodi Clager - 10:41 PM
“You thinking about that time you killed a man? You need to let that go, man. Really. God.”

Courtney Enlow - 10:41 PM
Good thing they decided to have lunch at Exposition Cafe.

Jeff Healey is playing “In a generally colorless room / With generally unseen curtains…”

Jodi Clager - 10:43 PM
The firefighters are taken aback by fire and the ambulance speeds through a crowd of people. God bless you, Jasper.

It’s manbun time.

That carpet wasn’t green when they installed it.

Thong granny panties. For when it’s that time of the month but your rich boyfriend needs you to strip in front of a bar full of creeps.

Courtney Enlow - 10:47 PM
You can tell the Double Deuce is a legit operation now because of polo shirts.

Jodi Clager - 10:47 PM
*Matching* polo shirts

Little do they know, Shark Tooth Necklace is the state champion pool cue fighter

Courtney Enlow - 10:50 PM
Bolo Guy Owner Guy Boss Man always seems turned on by everything. Like I think he’s supposed to be upset by the goings on in his bar, but he just looks hardened. Like, the pants kind.

Jodi Clager - 10:50 PM
He misses the eyeballs. It was the only way he could get hard before.

I just don’t understand what’s so scary about Brad. I mean, kick him in the hip and the old fucker will go down.

NOT THE WOODY WAGONS! NOOOO!

Courtney Enlow - 10:52 PM
I mean, what did they think he was going to do with a goddamn monster truck? Drop kids off at preschool? Volunteer for Meals on Wheels? That is what they do.

Jodi Clager - 10:53 PM
Brad’s pleats are NOT as crisp as Dalton’s.

Yeah, I’m going to need to see Charming Potato re-enact this scene. Such grease. Much shirtless. Many punch.

Jodi Clager - 10:55 PM
Were 80s movies more in touch with their feminine side or were they just super homoerotic?

Courtney Enlow - 10:55 PM
KISS! KISS! SUCK HIS HAIR!

Jodi Clager - 10:55 PM
RUB YOUR GREASE TOGETHER

Courtney Enlow - 10:56 PM
I’m pretty sure she’s wearing his pants from earlier in the movie.

Jodi Clager - 10:56 PM
Those are the same dick-ensconcing sweat pants.

THEM WHO? WHAT IS HAPPENING? I CAN SEE THE OUTLINE OF HIS COCK.

Courtney Enlow - 10:56 PM
Actually she might be wearing a one-piece with a belt. That’s a lot of outfit to wear after wearing tablecloths and doilies the rest of the movie.

She caused that explosion by emitting her first emotion of the entire film.

Jodi Clager - 10:57 PM
Wood explodes easily

Courtney Enlow - 10:57 PM
It’s why she’s so stoic otherwise.

Jodi Clager - 10:57 PM
Heh heh. Wood explodes easily. PHRASING.

Courtney Enlow - 10:58 PM
Well he uses kerosene as primer. Rookie mistake.

Jodi Clager - 10:58 PM
DIRTBIKES? YOU RICH MOTHERFUCKER!

“You won’t find a pool cue in the woods, Shark Tooth Necklace. Where is your god now?”

Courtney Enlow - 10:59 PM
An unbuttoned sleeveless jean shirt with bell bottoms? Be still my beating nethers.

Jodi Clager - 11:00 PM
“I used to fuck guys like you in prison.” “I…congratulations?”

Courtney Enlow - 11:00 PM
You know the first time I saw this throat rip, I literally screaming “YEAH!” and started clapping. I was 13 years old.

Jodi Clager - 11:00 PM
The sound effects are straight outta Street Fighter. HADOUKEN

Courtney Enlow - 11:00 PM
What is a *street* *figh-ter*?

Jodi Clager - 11:01 PM
So…is Doc a street figh-ter?

Courtney Enlow - 11:01 PM
Ugh, how is he going to get throat stains out of those linen pants? Oh, by walking into the pond, OK.

Jodi Clager - 11:01 PM
Those pants? How will he get esophagus out from under his fingernails?

This movie is probably why I’m super liberal but somehow still pro death penalty

Courtney Enlow - 11:02 PM
I’m against the death penalty but pro-throat ripping.

Jodi Clager - 11:03 PM
Don’t they do execution via throat ripping? Anything else is MONSTROUS.

Brad Wesley has been reading Batman comics and studying the Tao of Joker

Courtney Enlow - 11:04 PM
You know what movie they sing a song about an asshole named “Brad” in? GREASE 2. They’re the same movie. I’ve never seen them in the same room together at the same time.

Jodi Clager - 11:04 PM
That X-ray has a dick outline. Just like all of the pants in this movie

Courtney Enlow - 11:05 PM
They’re X-ray pants. It explains a lot.

Jodi Clager - 11:05 PM
I forgot those were a thing in the 80s

Courtney Enlow - 11:05 PM
Aw, BOATS got themselves a full name. Good for them.

RIP Sam Elliot. We’ll never forget his hair oil or his pube scar.

Jodi Clager - 11:06 PM
But he was stabbed in the stomach! It hurts real fucking bad, but you ain’t going to dieee! /Mr. White

Bartender will be humping Obese Crony’s belly button shortly

Courtney Enlow - 11:07 PM
This film has no regard for driveways.

Jodi Clager - 11:07 PM
Everything in this town is a part of a massive recall.

Who fires shotguns at long-distance targets, seriously? Worst. Thugs. Ever.

Courtney Enlow - 11:09 PM
They better not harm a single houseplant. They’re the most likeable characters.
RAILING KILL! Drink.

Jodi Clager - 11:09 PM
This movie takes basic rules of anatomy and shits out the mouth
Wait.
“Do you think…he thought the polar bear…was real?”
What does that mean??

Courtney Enlow - 11:10 PM
This movie was produced by the Billow Corporation, providing billow to your shirts, pants and hair from 1983-1990.

Jodi Clager - 11:11 PM
I think he killed a Pokemon. I’m not sure which one, but it has a long tail and his next to the giraffe

Courtney Enlow - 11:12 PM
I feel like Brad Wesley is exactly what the guy who killed Cecil the Lion is like. He kills everything except shrubberies.

So kneecaps are the Chekhov’s gun of this movie?

Jodi Clager - 11:13 PM
THREE FINGER THROAT RIP

Courtney Enlow - 11:14 PM
Jesus, how does it take four shots to take down a septuagenarian in silk pants?

Jodi Clager - 11:14 PM
Jasper: Orchestrating Murders For the Betterment of Society Since 1989. “He ran into a wall. Damnedest thing.”

Courtney Enlow - 11:15 PM
Hahahahah death is the wackiest!

Jodi Clager - 11:15 PM
I hope those monkeys aren’t credited

Courtney Enlow - 11:15 PM
I hope every mullet is credited. And every stunt mullet.

Oh good, more nudeness.

Jodi Clager - 11:16 PM
They’re definitely getting leeches in their no-no holes in that lake

Courtney Enlow - 11:16 PM
Ugh, I feel filmy even looking at this lake.

Jodi Clager - 11:17 PM
The characters had names? I didn’t know

Courtney Enlow - 11:17 PM
Wait, Kelly Lynch is credited as just “Doc?” Like…McStuffins? Or did she just not deserve an actual name?

Jodi Clager - 11:17 PM
Doc Niceass McBrainy.

Courtney Enlow - 11:17 PM
“We let a woman be a doctor! What, does she need a name, too?!”

Jodi Clager - 11:17 PM
How many kilos of cocaine were snorted while writing this movie?

Courtney Enlow - 11:17 PM
Names credited in this film’s production include: Sunshine. Sparky. Rowdy.

Jodi Clager - 11:18 PM
The 80s were a simpler time, full of murder, mullets, and prolonged credit sequences with bands led by blind men

Wait. THAT’S JEFF HEALEY BAND. Goddamnit.

Courtney Enlow - 11:20 PM
JODI. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, JODI.

Jodi Clager - 11:20 PM
I’M SUPER SLOW AND FULL OF SANGRIA

Courtney Enlow - 11:21 PM
He sang about Angel Eyes, which was sweet because he couldn’t goddamn see them.
He just, like, assumed.

Jodi Clager - 11:21 PM
Artistic license is what that’s called.



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