Trump's Budget Is The Stupidest Piece Of Stupid Sh*t You'll Ever Read

By Emily Chambers | Late Night TV | March 23, 2017 |


For the purposes of this post, I need you to think of how stupid you already believe Trump’s proposed budget to be, multiply that by a thousand, add just a little more hyperbole, and then dump that entire thought process in the garbage because the proposal is even dumber than all that. It is the Escher’s ‘Relativity’ of stupid plans, where every time you believe you’ve finally reached the end of the stupidity, there’s another goddamn set of stairs, and you think to yourself, “My sweet, shitty god, this is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. Cock ass!”

Sorry for all of the swearing, but I needed to get it out before actually discussing the stupidity.

We’ve already discussed how this budget is total nonsense. But as the days pass, the full impact of the budget is being explored, and the results are bad. Because, sure, any person with the slightest hint of compassion for their fellow humans would want to make sure that the elderly, disabled, and generally uncared for had access to proper meals. We should do that not because it’s fiscally responsible, but because it’s the decent thing to do. Oh, also? It’s fiscally responsible. Because providing the elderly with proper nutrition and having a party responsible for maintaining contact with the elderly person reduces things like injuries from falls. In fact, Meals on Wheels pays for an individual’s full year of service if they can keep them out of the hospital for a single day. And because a large percentage of Meal on Wheels recipients are on Medicaid or Medicare, we the tax payers pocket those savings.

But what about less well-known and preventing-the-elderly-from-starving-to-death-y programs? Like the Austin-based nonprofit Workers Defense Project? Why should I have to pay for, what I assume to be, some sort of shady lawyer’s group looking to sue helpless employers on behalf of the lazy, do nothing takers in an entirely different state? Right? Actually it’s a safety training program designed to address the fact that over sixty percent of construction workers in Texas receive no form of training before a job. Workers enrolled in the program are instructed on things like “how to avoid falling off buildings, getting hit with heavy machinery or being overcome by heat.” Small things like that. Of course, we could theoretically mandate that employers properly train employees on how not to get maimed or killed, but that’s one of those pesky regulations that are apparently killing our economy. And because Federal spending is wildly out of control (it’s super not), there’s no way we can afford to fund this program. I mean, you could argue that preventing an injury is cheaper than paying the worker’s comp, and therefore the company is saving itself money, but that would be the guberment trying to dictate the market. Clearly it’s better to pay for the injury, the possible disability payments, Medicaid or Medicare, and, worst case scenario, social security payments to the worker’s dependents than to continue the grant funding each year at a whopping $144,000. Oh, did I mention that a similar program also facing funding cuts helps redevelop training programs for firefighters and paramedics in small, strap-cashed rural areas?

Of course, as Mick Mulvaney has said before, the Federal government simply can’t keep asking the public to waste its money on such frivolous programs. And even if you could, maybe, prove that the programs listed above actually save more than they cost, there are still other programs which don’t recoup their funding. And it’s high time we stop taking directly out of the pockets of poor and working class people to pay for our luxuries. Things like PBS would be nice to have, but how are you going to add additional taxes to a single mother when it’s costing her … $1.35 per year.

Fuck. Shit. Hell.



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