Pajiba

Yeah you BETTER apologize to The Rock little man, as one of the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of fans I can assure you he could layeth the smacketh on the Carlson ass.

The Megas sounds like a political thriller, are you sure it's not about a special prosecutor investigating the Republican Party?

Well...now "Smart People" looks like it's something I'll bother watching. Because I love Ellen Page. Here's where they went wrong: Sarah Jess-"I look like an emaciated horse, but have managed to fool everyone into thinking I'm actually attractive"-ca Parker. Yikes.

"Married life" looks like fun. I hope they have a good reason as to why he can't just...y'know...divorce her. What are they? Catholic?

Why would anyone want to watch dance porn in 3D? I don't get it. Is it the thing now? We make everything 3D? Even U2 is now in 3D. Because Bono's ego has to be experienced in all its glory.

Last week at a showing of "The Savages" (which I thought was quite good), I saw the "Married Life" trailer. Immediately, I thought of socalled and wondered what he would think about that ingrate Chris Cooper trying to off his beloved Patricia.

If that isn't a testament to what a complete Pajiba dork, I've become then I just don't know what it.

At that same showing, I saw the trailer for "Miss Pettigrew Has a Day" (or something like that) with Frances McDormand. Looks like a period trifle, but features the delectible

Last week at a showing of "The Savages" (which I thought was quite good), I saw the "Married Life" trailer. Immediately, I thought of socalled and wondered what he would think about that ingrate Chris Cooper trying to off his beloved Patricia.

If that isn't a testament to what a complete Pajiba dork, I've become then I just don't know what it.

At that same showing, I saw the trailer for "Miss Pettigrew Has a Day" (or something like that) with Frances McDormand. Looks like a period trifle, but features the delectable Lee Pace. Yum. I am seriously missing my Pushing Daises.

Clearly, I am a retard this early in the morning.

The Tooth Fairy. Really?

I just...

I give up.

The only way I'd view a "dance porn" film would be Clockwork Orange-style (i.e., in restraints with my eyelids taped open); but the impression I get of them makes them sound a lot like the musical/dance scenes in Bollywood movies.

Anybody here besides me got a weakness for Bollywood? Mine's just a small one...

Ok, admittedly the Rock is kind of a ham, and the Tooth Fairy project sounds hideous. It probably only got green-lit because some Studio Exec. with a brain the size of a kumquat got the giggles thinking about the Rock in a little pair of sparkly pink wings and a tutu.

That said, I'd still hit it. And he's single now, so I wouldn't even feel bad about it later.

So is Priceless cute and lighthearted because it is French? Because it looks like poop on a stick to me.
Married Life looks interesting, but pairing Rachel McAdams and Chris Cooper is more far fetched than any Apatow pairing if you ask me. And you didn't.
Smart People had me until, as joker said, SJP and her witch nose popped up. Why is she cast as the female love interest? There are other more attractive actresses with more talent in the same age range as SJP. Hire them.
Step Up 3-D : Now With An Extra Dimension of Douchiness!

Married Life, ay? If it can be as funny as Death Becomes Her or Throw Momma from the Train....... or is it going down that weird, weird path of War of the Roses?

You forgot to mention Smart People also features Thomas Haden Church, another common thread with Sideways. Of course, tat one is kinda obvious.

But seriously, you should watch your back, because (if the Game Plan comment thread is any indication) I don't think too many of the females (and some of the males) are going to appreciate your feelings on Mr. Johnson.

Thank you so much for that Sports Night reference =)

I wish the trailers weren't blocked by my corporate overlords. Smart People sounds intriguing.

The Rock as the motherfreakin' tooth fairy? What the hell is he trying to do; wasn't he already in a dumb kids' movie? I feel somewhat vindicated for having always considered him a bit of a douche (he's a wrestler, after all). Yet I feel a little less special, as I suspect I'm no longer going to be in the minority on that.

Oh, and Dan: "...please, don't take them to see this. Give them a book, or punch them in the throat. " = me snickering in my cubicle. Thanks for that!

Hello, Daniel,

Thanks for the terrifying news. Dance porn indeed...

As a side note, Priceless isn't about a female jewel thief. It's a nice comedy with Gad Elmaleh and Audrey Tautou about two 'gigolos', that would be, people who sell their charms to older, richer people.

Sorry, couldn't let it pass (I'm French).

Love for the Pajiba.

Catherine

Did you just say John Woo was deeply flawed? I don't think I can come here anymore.

Okay, yes, I know he's flawed, but I love him anyway. Even Face/Off. But don't bring it up, we just accept it and move on.

Dan, you know I love you, but I'm really not sure how you got "jewel thief" out of the Priceless trailer. The movie's hilarious (although Audrey Tautou needs to eat a sandwich--or two or three), but it's about a golddigger and poor hotel worker who she gets in trouble after he falls in love with her. Although adorable antics do ensue.

Thanks for mentioning it, Catherine. I was also wondering where that jewel thief came in, but I figured it probably wasn't in the trailer or something...I frankly wasn't interested enough. I love Tautou, but that trailer was a bit too meh. Or it could be the hangover.

The Rock continues to disappoint me. Seriously, I've got no love for wrestling, but the guy should be a super duper star. He's good looking, tough, funny,and loaded with charisma... and yet he persists in acting in complete and utter shit. I don't know if Disney is holding a family member hostage or what. Ah, well.

*waiting for the spammer*

where an elite ruling class, the Megas, lives by their own special laws which are eventually challenged by a detective investigating a crime among them.

Is it just me, or did 'Powers' and 'Watchmen' have vaguely the same impetus? Hell, even 'The Incredibles' started out with 'hey look, missing heroes!'

*jots down in notebook = 'superhero murder' + 'plucky detective' = Eisner award*

After reading your first line I have now been running through that entire Sports Night episode in my head (yes, I can do that...sad I know)

Thanks

Thanks a lot Dan

(no, actually thank you, I really have nothing else holding me over until Friday at this point....)

Dance porn. In 3D. Really. Was this something someone felt we needed? Did an exec sit a bunch of other execs down, brainstorm out more ways to bring teens to theatres, and some genius remembered Michael Jackson's Captain EO at Disney and just knew that was what we've been itching for?

And Rock....seriously...the big tough guy in a cutesy family flick doesn't work. It didn't work for Ahnuld, it didn't work for Hulk...I don't see why you're not picking up the hint yet. Go make another action thriller (hell, at this point, go do Mummy 3)...just stop being a complete douche and letting your daughter pick out your scripts.

Yet another similarity between Sideways and Smart People: Main character drives a Saab 900.

I feel somewhat vindicated for having always considered him a bit of a douche (he's a wrestler, after all). Yet I feel a little less special, as I suspect I'm no longer going to be in the minority on that.

---------------------------------------------

I'm pretty sure that you will still be in the minority while the Tooth Fairy whoops ass at the box office. I will be seeing it.

: : Opens Door... ...Looks around : :

Yup. I haven't missed much. Still a bunch of shitty people making shitty movies which results in shitty news. Horrible news. Bad news.

Step Up 3-D?! I think I'd rather have someone slowly slip a ballpoint pen in my dick hole than have to even watch a trailor for that. I mean...at least ball point pens in the dick hole has the possibility of being a fetish. Step Up? That's just fucking painful.

I'm pretty sure that you will still be in the minority while the Tooth Fairy whoops ass at the box office. I will be seeing it.

I have yet to see The Gameplan, and don't plan on it. None of my friends are ever going to see it either. I'm just gonna sit back and remember The Rock fondly as a badass sheriff or assassin and ignore him from now on.

...hmmm...it's sad that his movie achievements to date are playing a CGI scorpion with no lines....and The Rundown.

Oh...and Alabama! Speaking of Lee Pace...have you seen the trailor for 'The Fall'????? Check it!

Sorry bout the boldface. I haven't been here ina bit. I need to get my bearings.

I have a friend who looks kind of like The Rock. Seriously, sometimes it's scary.

Smart People looks pretty good, and seems to clear up any questions about Ellen Page's acting. I do love her so. I am, however, sick of SJP and her hair. Can't she at least try to look different in every movie?

PISSBOY! Where ya been, love?

Huh, I have to say, I don't get the physical appeal of The Rock at all, TK. I guess as large muscley types go, he's not so bad, but that sort just doesn't do it for me.

And I hate wrestling with a passion, so that adds to the unappeal. I prefer to see a near-naked, sweaty man on top of ME, rather than some other near-naked, sweaty guy. (heehee!)

HallsyHatesU, thanks! You go and enjoy the film with your buddies, and I will continue to enjoy being in the elite (OK, maybe not elite...exclusive, though!) group of people who can't stand the dude.

Welcome back, PissBoy. Your absence has been felt.

Who else is with me on this? Given the option of sticking my penis in SJP or fucking a shoebox full of nails, how many people would first ask if the nails were rusty? No matter how painful, they're about 81.6% less annoying.

Thanks all! Good to be back. I've actually felt a void the last 10 days or so. But with no free time at work and then a few days of some pretty bad news the break was more forced than anything.

Who else is with me on this? Given the option of sticking my penis in SJP or fucking a shoebox full of nails, how many people would first ask if the nails were rusty? No matter how painful, they're about 81.6% less annoying.

Just saw LA Story for the first time this weekend. It was a fantastic movie almost all the way through...except for one part - SJP. It jarred me out of the movie to see her cast as a PYT...every time she was on the screen, I wanted to vomit. I'm gonna have to agree with you, PissBoy...it's not even worth saying you did an actress. At this point, I'd stalk and bag Britney paparazzi-style through the slobbering hysterics and mental breakdowns before I even considered holding hands with SJP.

You know, it's funny, Dakaron... I've always felt that was the one movie where she didn't annoy me. Maybe it's because she was younger and not the SaTC cultural juggernaut of awful that she is now, maybe because the role was so unpretentious, but I thought she was actually decent. Everything since... no. Not at all.

I have to say that I liked SJP until fairly recently. I didn't quite get her character in The Family Stone (I don't know why, but I do like that movie a lot - I watch it whenever it's on), and since then it just seems to me like she's holding onto what's left of her youth with both hands. It's annoying, and I wish she's start playing women her own age - and try a different hair style for chrissakes.

I don't know what it is...even when I was younger and didn't know better, I didn't like her, I didn't find her attractive, and I subconsciously tried to avoid most movies she was in. I barely tolerated her in Hocus Pocus, I cheered her death in Mars Attacks, and I only watched State and Main because I didn't know she was in it.

Once SatC hit, it was all over. My tolerance for a mediocre actress became full-blown hate.

Who else is with me on this? Given the option of sticking my penis in SJP or fucking a shoebox full of nails, how many people would first ask if the nails were rusty? No matter how painful, they're about 81.6% less annoying.

I'd go with the nails, simply based on the fact that I instantly believe every word deus ex malcontent writes.
And I've seen pictures.
And Striking Distance

The Megas sounds like a political thriller, are you sure it's not about a special prosecutor investigating the Republican Party?
-Barbado

Let us not get too hasty here, my friend. Remeber a little family called the Kennedy's?

dance porn is a very sexy man! I saw him last week on Richguyswhocantgetpooninreallife.com! It's a real neat site!

Any wager on the spammer? I say in 5 minutes.

"...Maybe it's because she was younger and not the SaTC cultural juggernaut of awful that she is now..."

Damned straight, AND why are we even calling it a "she" I'm pretty sure it's a dude in drag. I have seen NOTHING but NOTHING to convince me otherwise.

Well how about that?

Some Guy: Touche

Adere: that, was scary...I'm freaking out man.

Me too.

I'm going to recite that site now in a mirror three times. See what happens...

Spammer? What spammer? Someone fill me in here....

Hey ya, PissBoy! There's definitely been a big gaping hole in the comment threads where your rants would have fit snugly.

And yes, I have seen "The Fall" trailer-several times while cursing my poopy computer for not letting me watch it full screen. It looks like fabulous eye candy with a tasty Lee Pace chocolate coating. "The Cell" may have been utter dreck, but those moments when the director (whose name escapes me) was able to cut lose was like watching a hallucinogenic Dutch masters painting come to life. Also, I have such fond memories of the "Losing My Religion" video.

As for all the SJP hate, I may not thinks she's the best actress in the entire world, but from what I've seen and read of her in interviews, she seems like a genuinely nice person. Someone I'd like to grab a coffee with. And lawd knows, I am no beauty, so mocking her looks is all kinds of pot calling the kettle black.

Pissboy: if you read up the thread you'll see there's a spambot for some bullshit dating site. It's been popping EVERYWHERE. Interestingly, it seems to pick up on the current conversation and uses it to make it fit within the thread.

I thought of socalled and wondered what he would think about that ingrate Chris Cooper trying to off his beloved Patricia.

Well, if there's anyone who's deserving of her charms, it's the best actor working today, Chris Cooper, but you're right, it appears he does not appreciate the wonder of Patricia Clarkson. Rachel McAdams is absolutely delectable, but the age difference does seem obnoxious. Now it seems from the trailer, however, that Patricia gets her own boy-toy. But why did they dye her hair? I like a red-head as much as the next man, but in the words of Forrest Whitaker, "Don't fuck with it." The presence of Pierce Brosnan is promising, given his facility with dark, twisted comedy, e.g., The Matador.

Re the Tooth Fairy, they should have just made a straight-up bizarro comedy about how the Tooth Fairy is the absolute last person one would expect, then cast Michael Clarke Duncan trying to wiggle through windows and not scare the bejeesus out of suburban white kids trained to fear large black men. That has potential.

Re Dance Porn: Did you say the kids like it? Then I. Don't. Like. It. Now get the fuck off my lawn.

yeah...i got that about 9 seconds after I hit 'post comment'. I just want to meet a guy named 'Dance Porn.' Because I would bow to him. Anyone with the word 'porn' in his/her name is cool in my book.

Random note...some dude who worked on that movie Vacancy was named Eric Porn. (i think.) Noticed it one night sitting through the closing credits on Skinimax...er...errr...umm. TLC. Yeah. There was going to be this really great feature about leaves or something. Maybe it was cows. TLC is the bomb.

Why do you people write on these comment sections?
I like the reviews, but the shameless praise of the writers for this site is ridiculous.
Wouldn't this stand against the very ideals this site is against while it reviews films?

No no, the shameless praise is absolutely essential. Pay no attention to that philistine.

wow...what a point Wex. Now...take your 2nd year Psych text and your Batman coloring book and go back to the activities table. The big Kids are having fun wasting time at work. OOO!! Don't forget your Superfriends lunchbox. And here's a tissue. Please wipe your nose.

Umm, was I too subtle for you guys?

come on

Richguyswhocantgetpooninreallife.com?

That real does sound like a real site, doesn't it

but saying dance porn was sexy; that's cause the bot was saying what a charming guy anime was in an earlier thread

Eric Porn....yeah that works, Porn...Eric, Porn.

I'd like to be Doug Anal.

Well, we trashed Dan earlier this week for dissing Edith Piaf...

*sigh*
That Parker woman. Couldn't follow her after "Square Pegs". Wasn't feeling "Girls Just Want To Have Fun". Never saw it despite the great enjoyment it gave my mom and sister (though I did give in to watching "Shag" once...which wasn't all that bad). At least her hair was better in "Mars Attacks!", if fake. Anyway, I didn't think we were going to have a problem just leaving each other alone. Then suddenly she's strutting around in ugly clothes and shoes as an ostensible sex bomb, and being resoundingly praised for it. Now I was forced to actively hate. I mean, I'm scared of those characters anyway, but I generally prefer my scary maneaters to not be horsefaced space dogs, ya know?

And Zooey Deschanel goes and makes a movie with her. Dammit, Zooey! Gimme more Trillian and less offputting costars!

I saw someone mention a Step Up 3D here and thought it was a joke until I saw the variety article yesterday. And "Captain Eo" can't carry "Magic Journeys"'s jock.

Wex, you obviously haven't read enough or you would know what I think of the writers here.

So if you happened to catch the almighty cheese-fest known as American Gladiators, you may have seen a "gladiator" by the name of Toa. Supposedly, this guy is The Rock's cousin/stunt double. Maybe that explains the stream of crap, said cousin was too busy with Galdiators.

Yeah, that's it.

I'll post it again...
Why do people bother writing in the comments section?
I tend to see most of you shamelessly praising and sucking up to the writers for this page, which seems to go against the very ideals they hold when reviewing movies.
I like the reviews, but come on. Show your fans a little modesty, will you?
Editors and writers, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

cockroach, I should've known... Nice one.

A quick skim through IMDB informed me Erik Porn is make-up artist with credits for Superbad and the upcoming Los Bastardos.

Dibs on Lover Enormo (name's been buzzing in my head since I was 17)

I'm with you Slim. But I want to be slightly more subtle with my name choice. Mikey Grundle sounds pretty good.

My all time favorite "for some reason i laugh at his name when i hear it" name is some NASCAR driver named Kurt Bush. I'm an A.E. at my company and one of the campaigns I work on is NASCAR. His name is like a tiny fart noise manifested in text form on the paper in front of me.

Not trying to be an asshole, but I'm a little confused: Audrey Tautou is a womanizing jewel thief, or you mean the guy?

I hope this one pans out better for Audrey than that awful "DaVinci Code", which gave her nothing to do but to be chased alongside a middle aged, balding Tom Hanks. I heart her. Even when she's holding the cigarette she looks dainty and adorable.

The Tooth Fairy looks like it's in the same vein as Fred Claus. Didn't Fred Claus tank in the box office?

"...why are we even calling it a "she" I'm pretty sure it's a dude in drag."

Dude. Seriously. You do NOT want drag queens mad at you.

As for Bollywood vs dance porn, I'll go with Bollywood any day. Number 1, the music is generally much better. Number 2, because Bollywood is typically in Hindi, it's cute, but because dance porn is in English the stupid sucks my will to live.

Best actual name ever: Sharon Cox.

Just saw LA Story for the first time this weekend. It was a fantastic movie almost all the way through...except for one part - SJP.

I just watched this recently too, and I wanted to strangle her with her stretch pants while simutaneously fucking Steve Martin.

I have issues. Joker knows.

Delectable is the perfect way to describe Lee Pace. Its really too bad that his next movie Possession looks like crap.

Has anybody ever played the game where you figure out your porn name?
You take the best combonation of the following:
your middle name
your mothers maiden name
your pets name
the first street you lived on(or can remember)

I challenge any of you to come up with a better combo than my boyfriend's:

Dick Cummings (middle+mother's maiden)

I suck up to no one Wex. I just ramble about whatever pops into my head. But bravo on your argument against commenting on a comment board...by commenting on a comment board. How shrewd. And repeating your original statement but adding a few extra words. How novel. It's like a mom who tells her child 'Because' as a reason for a decision. The she reiterates by saying 'Because I said so.' Well played sir. Well played you master of the podium.

Why do I feel like I'm in bizarro Pajibaworld today?

Wex, stop trying to shit in our messkits. Pajiba is all some of us have.

I think Thomas Haden Church is a little on the sexy side. Not sure what it is. There. I said it.

Pissboy are you drunk? That was quite an entrance!

I confess I'm a sucker for Smart People (alive and onscreen) especially since it has Thomas Hayden Church, that song from Singles, and my old car. Yes, I have fond memories of my used white '89 Saab...*sigh*.

MO - I was just jerkin' your chain a little, but that does sound like a flick I can take my niece to and have a good time. I do dig the Rock and I don't think he deserves all the negativity. The Rundown was good and he was hilarious in Get Shorty 2. I think everyone needs to at least wait for a trailer before condemning this one.

Everyone is so goddamned negative here...I always feel like I just walked into the Playa Haters Ball when I read this site lately.

Other random notes:

I just saw on imdb.com that the Rock is going to play Captain Marvel in Shazam!! Holy shit!

I do agree with Wex that there is a noticeable herd mentality in effect at this place...

Re Smart People/Sideways.

Except I hated every minute of Sideways until Sandra Oh beat the shit out of THC (good acronym, dude) with her motorcycle helmet. And even that didn't make it worth sitting through.

Whereas I kind of want to see this. So I REALLY hope it has no more similarities with Sideways than the ones previously listed.

Bring on the Tautou!

Amanda - did yours have power steering? I had a friend in high school who had an '84 Saab, and it was a bitch to steer. We hit more than one trash can in the school parking lot.

Wex:
I take it you go to concerts of your favourite bands and refuse to clap?

Well Bethy...you got me there. If I went with your same combination I would be Cleophis Facefucker. (middle + mother's maiden)

Facefucker is an unusual name I know. But her family is from Luxembourg. It's a pretty popular name in the southern part of the coutry. Like their version of 'Smith.'

But bravo on your argument against commenting on a comment board...by commenting on a comment board. How shrewd.

Heeeeeee.

Bethy, all my porn names suck...Winnie Oak, Anne Clinton, Rizzo McShea. I'd rather choose my own, like Hot Twat McGriddle.

I used to giggle with guilty pleasure when watching Unhappily Ever After...I mean, her name's Nikki Cox!

Wex, do we go to your home and spit on your TV, just because we don't like what's on? No...go troll AICN. Leave us our shameless writer praise and hateful, hateful comment diversions. Trust us....you don't want some of these regulars to get mad.

Melody, sadly...I can see that being the case.

HallsyHatesU
I do agree with Wex that there is a noticeable herd mentality in effect at this place...

Some common thoughts are inevitible in any areas where people 'meet' in area due to common interests, and from my experience of other sites, it's not nearly as strong here as other sites, where most of the posters seem ready to pounce the moderator(s) cock at any given moment.

What I find amusing is how in this, particular, instance, this Round Up or the comments has NONE of the things Wex is claiming.

You sure you in the right thread hoss?

Julie,, I am SO going to start calling you Hot Twat McGriddle.

I dunno PissBoy, I think you could get pretty far in the porn idustry with a name like Cleophis Facefucker

and I hear Luxemborg is beautiful this time of year

Hitting a trash can, heck hitting a Toyota, didn't matter b/c the old Saabs were double reinforced steel. They were heavy and cornered brilliantly.

Mine did have power steering but coffee colored cloth seats and no heated seats. I learned to drive stick on it, which was okay when I was alone, but in college 4 doors = designated driver. Many a friend has memories of me stalling at a 6 lane Southern California intersection trying to make a left on green! Good ole "Sport" made it to Ensenada Mejico, Grnad Canyon, Glacier Park Montona and cross country... For all I know that car is still going.

What has been happening with this site lately? Spammers, happy people, ethics overlords (see Rainbow Killer incident)?

Bring back my bitter, scathing, happy place!!

Kolby, Hee...

Grand Canyon
Montana
Merde.

Julie...that is an interesting image. I'm liking it. Only I'd substitute Steve for me. And wouldn't your porn name be Taco McScrabble?

Ummm...none of my porn names work out at all, so I'm just gonna go with Dirk Diggler. What? It's been taken? Damnit...hold on...let me think...

Facefucker is the best last name ever. Hands down.

Wait WAIT! I wanna change mine to:

Steve Drill

yeah

Thanks Shadows! I tell my mom the same thing all the time. To this day I wonder why she didn't take that as her middle name when she got married, or maybe hyphenate it with my dad's last name. If for no other reason that for her business card.

My porn names are all boring, too. I did have a cat named Strawberry growing up, though....

Jerce:

Yes. Bollywood. So entertaining. I love the evil mothers-in-law, the obligatory dream sequences, the way they always pick the most hirsute man to play the bad guy.
And you know what's great about Bollywood versus Hollywood? They admit it's a formula for the entertainment of the uneducated masses and they don't promise anything more so you'll never find a Bollywood starlet with half a brain cell giving an interview talking about how meaningful the film is or how she really doesn't want to be seen as an adored sex symbol and she'd be much happier wiping choleric bums in the Calcutta ghettoes if only her manager would let her.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Though I like Hot Twat McGriddle (you can absolutely call me that, Kolby) I'm going to steal my name from one of my Pajiborgy friends (Joker? Katybelle? There are too many, so I forget who said it first...

My porn name is Rampaging Beaver.

It makes me happy in my special place.

the audri tatou flick looks terrible

married life looks really good, and will proabably check it out

I refuse to see anything with SJP in it after "the holiday".

Julie, that amazing. I love it. It kind of just rolls off the tongue.

None of mine are great either, I think "Suzie Avalon" is the best combination I can come up with. I'm making up my own too. I'm definitely open to suggestions.

Something involving the noble castor perhaps.

Oooooh, I totally see it:

Tonight on Cinemax, Pajiba Resort Heat

Starring: Steve Drill, Taco McScrabble, Cleophis Facefucker and hot young newcomer: Rampaging Beaver

HOTTTTTTTTT....

damn, if I knew my stupid joke would lead to people coming up with porn names, I would've posted a hella lot sooner

Holden Pennitr VIII

I for one was extremely disappointed in the herd mentality on display in the threads for 27 Dresses, Superbad, Knocked Up, the evolution and religion debates ... do you people have an original, non-ball-licking thought in your heads?

What I love about trolls and dipshits who show up and spout off about overloving the writers is that they must never have lived in the dark, dark days where you had to pay for anything different or unusual that was worth reading, like Spin or Rolling Stone (back when it was cool). To be able to click on thousands of different websites and read free, new content every freakin' day? Pardon me while I'm the slightest bit grateful or supportive of the people providing that service.

Yes, you "writer and editors" should be ashamed of yourselves for posting original analysis at no charge, then having the gall to permit anonymous comments on that analysis. For shame!

the best combo for my porn name is Peaches Blakesly, which isn't bad, but would have been better if I grew up on the street my friend did, the corner of Bush Street and Climax Road...no joke

my friend did, the corner of Bush Street and Climax Road...no joke

Posted by: Bethy at February 28, 2008 11:44 AM

----------------------------------------------

HA! awesome

How do we always end up back in the red light district? It's like this car keeps going around in circles...hitting the theatre, the broadway play, the library, and then right back at the dirty $3 theatre on the corner with all-night showings.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the dirty theatre without some of you anymore.

Awwwwwww... That's so sweet of you! You're giving me the warm fuzzies.

BSlim - I know, right? it was a running joke in high school, no matter who you were, you knew that intersection.
It was probably the only bit of knowledge that passed through all click lines
lewd jokes, bringing different people together since 1424

Yes, you "writer and editors" should be ashamed of yourselves for posting original analysis at no charge, then having the gall to permit anonymous comments on that analysis. For shame!

Hear hear! It's especially appalling that this site attracts movie/tv/book lovers who are both intelligent and ass-tinglingly hilarious who enjoy each other's (cyber) company.

I just spent the last five minutes thinking up a porno name for myself. I weep for the taxpayers of New York.

How's this: Honey Moistbritches

Yeah I smell what the Rock's cookin' - A giant, floppy donkey dick of a flick, that's what.

I'm with TK, that sumunabitch has/had potential, but it seems he's found his shit-niche and like a stoned gerbil trapped in a paper bag, he can't quite figure his way outta it. I predict a remake of "Junior" in the near future, followed by the first true sign of the Apocalypse: "Sarah Jessica Parker Steps Up and Serves the Glitter Yard in 5-D"

Wasn't "The Tooth Fairy" a horror flick? Or at least the main character in a horror flick?

I'd pay ten bucks to watch two hours of Audrey Tautou make toast in the nude. Shit, she could just sit there naked, while somebody else makes toast in the background and I'd still give her a goddamed Academy Award...

Wait, you mean we're not all just sockpuppets?

Damn.

Kolby, love it. You'll forever be Honey Moistbrittches to me.

How bout Toothy MoistClover, though?

Kolby! I love it, but I like anything moist.

Wasn't "The Tooth Fairy" a horror flick? Or at least the main character in a horror flick?

Yes. And it was So. Stupid.

twig Wait, you mean we're not all just sockpuppets?

No, we're not just sockpuppets; we're sockpoppets with attitude!

Wasn't "The Tooth Fairy" a horror flick? Or at least the main character in a horror flick?

Darkness Falls. Starring one of the Scoobies, Emma Caulfield. Unintentional hilarity ensues.

I was so proud of myself when I came up with Rock Johnson as the perfect porn name. At the time The Rock was only some wrestler who inhabited a world that I never visited. Then I happened to Google my great idea and was faced with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. It's crushing to have your porn name already taken.

And also, Damn people! Those of us on the west coast have no chance at all when we first come to this site at 8:30 and there are already 90 comments on the latest post. Aren't you also on the west coast Daniel? At what god awful time do you get up?

The Tooth Fairy was a horror movie? What was it about? I'm off to imdb.

I like it Kolby. I'm still at a loss for what I want for mine. 3 days straight of developmental psych have melted my brain.

Uh... aren't we supposed to be discussing the topic of this Round-Up instead of coming up with ridiculous porn names?

Seriously, people... Let's grow up.

I had the good fortune to have a first pet named Sandy, and a street in my infant-hood named "Foxbar".

Sandy Foxbar.

Hubs has a great porn name based on the same elements: Henry Thickson (yes, somewhere in Southern Ontario there's a street named Thickson Road).

Puffy Westminster.

Alternate: Bagheera Batts.

Which do y'all like better?

Yeah, grow the fuck up...

I like Bagheera Batts.

Don't spoil our fun just because you already have yours, Skittimus. Besides, I thought we were done with the serious stuff, and were just having fun now.

I'm growing up in my pants!

definetly Puffy Westminster

I can see it now:

"Little Red Riding Whore"

Starring Steve Drill and Hot Twat McGriddle, with Puffy Westminster as The Wolf.

Skittimus, I love that phrase "giant, floppy, donkey dick of a flick". It just makes me giggle. :)

If you like shitty horror movies w/childhood undertones, you should check out Santa's Slay, some awful-but-campy horror flick with Bill Goldberg (some wrestling guy) as Santa. It's supposed to be so bad, it's good.

Did I just hear the word "moist"?

Ok, I'm down to "Julie Beaverton," "Tiffani Quickie" and Mandy "Cummings."

Julie! Help me chose!

Puffy Westminster!! That made me cackle.

What I love about trolls and dipshits who show up and spout off about overloving the writers is that they must never have lived in the dark, dark days where you had to pay for anything different or unusual that was worth reading, like Spin or Rolling Stone (back when it was cool).

--------------------------------------------

Wow, I hope that wasn't directed at me. I certainly didn't say anything so rude. I enjoy the site but I think it's fairly obvious that commenters here have a tendency to agree with one another to an extreme degree (ofen with hilarious results - see: Heigl, Katherine). I wasn't even complaining; merely observing. But it is refreshing to see someone post a contrary opinion sometimes without being ostracized.

I like Tiffani Quickie...rolls off the tongue.

(Connotative undertones definately intended)

I'm sorry, but my computer is remembering now "Rampaging Beaver" when I enter my name, and I am dying.

Katybelle! Tiffani Quickie is AWESOME because it rhymes.

That is true. Done and done!

HallyHatesU - Resistance is futile.

..."But it is refreshing to see someone post a contrary opinion sometimes without being ostracized.

Posted by: HallsyHatesU at February 28, 2008 12:09 PM
-------------------------------------------------

Actually, contraryism is encouraged here. Hell, we put up with socalled and BSlim, don't we?

Sandy Foxbar:

Do you happen to know Sandy Vagina? She used to post on this site quite a bit but has deserted us of late.

OK, so I have to share, in northern NH there is a nudist colony named "Beaver Hollow"

dicuss

Put up with socalled? Hell, half the women here want to jump his bones.

Why do you tease me with snippets of information I'll never be able to act on?!

Kolby, I think the site has been in such a frenzied state of sexual confusion the past few days that we all pretty much want to jump everyone. Hell, apparently I'm now a lesbian. With a taco dip fetish.

I blame the eclipse.

I tried that excuse in the last thread. No one was buying it. I just think we all need to get laid.

"...we put up with socalled and BSlim, don't we?.."

Yes, you do, and it's Mr. BSlim

Ah, spring...when a young man's (or woman's) fancy turns to thoughts of love, birds, and untargeted bone-jumping. It's downright romantic.

...sniff...no, that's not a tear in my eye...

I like it Kolby. I'm still at a loss for what I want for mine. 3 days straight of developmental psych have melted my brain.

Posted by: KatyBelle at February 28, 2008 12:00 PM

Nothing like Piaget's Steps of child development to make you feel like you have just finished watching The Hottie and the Nottie.

p.s. Where's YOUR porn star name Kolby?

HallsyHatesU:

Hang in there. I also applaud a contrary opinion (after all my beloved Pookie practically has a copyright on the practice) on this site if it's articulate and well argued (as yours was) but not if it appears peevish and a little attention-seeking (see Wex above). I suspect Socalled was referring to the latter.

Oops, sorry. It's so difficult leading a double life these days.

HallsyHatesU - I understand your pain. I myself have defended Larry The Cable Guy and narrowly escaped with my life. Hell, I even lost one of my stunt-doubles to a stabbing and them bastards don't come cheap!

Best I can come up with using the formula is Moseley Lee.

Not sure how I feel about it.

As much as I hate professional "homoerotic contact sport for homophobes" wrestling, I LOVE The Rock. Sure his movies are simple escapist fare but boy howdy is he hot--he has charisma to burn, a sense of humor (even about himself) and a smile that won't quit. I almost wet myself when I saw him walk out on that Oscar stage in that tux (I only watched for dreamy Jon Stewart). I am not intellectual like you fine people: I want my entertainment to be entertaining. I want to be removed from reality for just a little while. With movies like the Rundown and Scorpion King, I am removed from reality with a really hot, sexy man with a wicked smile. Believe me, I am not here to judge: you guys can like or not like any one or any thing you please but I must speak up for Mr. Dwayne Johnson. (I feel the same way about Jackie Chan.)

Shadows, that's such a lovely sentiment. I know when I get turned on, I think of birds.

Melody, I've been hanging out with Erik Erikson and Jean Piaget for way too long. It's like when my best friend wrote her undergrad thesis on Foucault, and called herself his girlfriend the whole time. They had a messy break-up after she presented it.

JayBest I can come up with using the formula is Moseley Lee.

Not sure how I feel about it.

Using that formula, my porn name would be Erskine Dial, which is definately meh

I think the name I chose is trying a bit too hard to be clever though

boy howdy is he hot--he has charisma to burn, a sense of humor (even about himself) and a smile that won't quit.

Yes yes yes. He oozes charisma...he was so adorable when he hosted SNL. And by adorable, I mean I wanted to climb him like a tree.

P.S. I would like to thank general rhubarb

...for my porn name, I had to give proper kudos.

Stupid open tag!

I hate that stupid porn name formula. I end up sounding like either a Catholic schoolgirl or a robotic man, which sounds way pervier in description than actuality.

Anyway, in other news, I would like to point out to Vermillion that the dance porn chick in that photo up there sure looks a little...off, wouldn't you say?

Stiffly contorted. Scraggly hair in her face. Empty stare. Holy shit, I think she might want to feed on your braaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiins!

In that case Sarina, make up your own! That's what the rest of us did.

Honey Moistbritches is still my favorite so far.

"Moseley Lee" and "Erskine Dial" sound like the names of authors you'd study in an intermediate English college course.

I dunno who Wex is, but if he'd had the perspicacity to choose another comments section, he might have been able to support his statement. I say might have. But frankly, the MillMatch spambot was more entertaining.

Hallsy, I'm referring only to brainless criticisms of the commenters for expressing pleasure at the content, not contrary opinions expressed to encourage debate. It would be truly, truly boring if everyone agreed all the time, and the site would probably die off.

I admire the few, the proud, the dissenters. There is a common sensibility drawn to this site resulting in a certain homogeneity at times -- no shame in that, it just is -- but the cranks are what make it fun.

As usual I feel completely disassociated with the main commenters on this site. I like the Rock, John Woo, Guy Ritchie pre-Madonna, and SJP in LA Story. I've said it before, not everybody is demanding a message or weighty ideas in their movies. A lot of folks just want to be entertained.

Dear humping baby Allah, what has become of this place? I go away for a meeting and come back to this?

[shakes head]

Jerce frankly, the MillMatch spambot was more entertaining

Thank you, but it's Richguyswhocantgetpooninreallife.com. Remember, your favourite celebrity, Mr. Dance Porn has a sexy profile there, I saw it last week!

Jerce, this has nothing to do with anything, but whenever I hear or read the word "perspicacity" I ALWAYS think of the Simpsons episode "The PTA Disbands." :)

"I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or...only two synonyms?! Oh my God...I'm losing my perspicacity!"
"Well it's always in the last place you look."

Katy Piaget never bothered me until Child Psych. I grew to loathe him there. I had forgot Erickson. Best friend is a school psych, so I can not hate him too much. You can bogged down in the individual stages though. Damn psych classes/degree.

Piaget is still far better than a professor who worships at the temple of Freud. History of Psych as taught by a Freudian. I still hate Freud and that professor.

Stupid non-working HTML tags.

Melody I still hate Freud

I hear you; I mean the one thing he excused from being sexual was the phallic thing he always shoved in his mouth

Dear humping baby Allah

Great, now I have Gatorade up my nose. Thanks, TK.

P.S. - Heeeeeee.

And ole stupid Freud never was able to figure out what women want...when the answer is so obvious.

It is obvious. We all want ponies.

I'm not sure why no one's figured that out yet.

The professor happened to ask what the classes opinion of Freud was and called on me that day. So did not help my semester grade for that class. Freud is a egotistical, drug-addled, nymphomaniac with a severely stunted emotional development system and seriously sick ideas about sex and in particular, his mother.

Needless to say, I have never been so proud to see a D in my entire life.

Katy, me neither. Me neither.

TK, at least anime has yet to appear in this thread.

whenever I hear or read the word "perspicacity" I ALWAYS think of the Simpsons episode "The PTA Disbands."

With a nod to I-think-it-was-Paddy-but-it-could-have-been-ranylt-or-Jerce, whenever I hear that word, I remember that I'm a dipshit.

Yes. Yes it is obvious. Women want... uh...

Snackwells?
Kick-ass jeans?
Non-fat yogurt that doesn't taste like ass?
No stick lube?
Painless Brazillians?
Men who don't "push" farts?
For the person who invented the term "vay-jay-jay" to be shot?
A chance to punch Oprah without consequence?
Poni (what, nevermind - Julie got it)
Easy-Bake -Ovens that can make a full meal?
Men who can dance?
A pube-free toilet lid?
Cheaper moisturizer?

Am I close on any of these things? Jesus, I need to get back to work...

TK, at least anime has yet to appear in this thread.

Posted by: Melody at February 28, 2008 1:27 PM

Sssshhhhhhhh!! They will hear you, and they will come. And it will be another circle-jerk of Awesome/NotAwesome. It will be exhausting and repetitive and it will make everyone pissy and even more porny, which I bet you think is not possible, but you would be wrong.

Married Life = Definite Rental (which is a good thing) due to Chris Cooper & Patricia Clarkson.

Smart People = looks good but I'm not a fan of SJP AT ALL. Always liked Dennis Quaid & THC though.

My post was not, NOT an invite for someone to bring up misogyny. So pleeease don't. I think we've had that discussion before and it seems to fall into Sarina's aptly named circle-jerk of Was-So/Was-Not.

Am I the only one who thinks that Step Up: 3D sounds like it would be amazing if you got really really blazed beforehand?

...yeah, I'll go over and sit in the corner.

[cracks door, peeks in]

ANIME FUCKING SUCKS AND THEIR FANS DO TOO!!!

[slams door, locks it, runs away giggling to next meeting]

Yet another similarity between Sideways and Smart People: Main character drives a Saab 900.

Posted by: Eddie Walker at February 28, 2008 9:25 AM

Oh GOOD one. I even noticed the Saab in the trailer ('cause I drive one) and didn't put that together.

You're getting there Skittimus. But really, it all comes down to wanting a pony.

Sarina, are you aware that you have just issued a challenge to everyone on here to go one step further? I hope you're proud of yourself.

PissBoy--Is Dick Trickle still in NASCAR? I got hooked for a whole season just giggling at his name.

Didn't Sideways also use lime blocks of color?

Kick-ass jeans?
Non-fat yogurt that doesn't taste like ass?
Men who can dance?
For the person who invented the term "vay-jay-jay" to be shot?
Cheaper moisturizer?

Skitt, that's scary as hell...have you been reading my diary?

Am I the only one who thinks that Step Up: 3D sounds like it would be amazing if you got really really blazed beforehand?

...yeah, I'll go over and sit in the corner.

It will be exhausting and repetitive and it will make everyone pissy and even more porny, which I bet you think is not possible, but you would be wrong.

Sarina, believe me, I KNOW it is possible.

Skitt, you forgot outfits that make you look 15 pounds lighter, the ability to punch (fill in celebrity here), George Clooney, comfortable high heels, and a tv show that does not make us all seem like insipid degenerates.

I think that covers it. The person who forced that stupid term upon us is none other than Shonda Rhimes, the moron behind Grey's Rainbow Killer extravaganza of suck Anatomy.

The best I can come up with using the formula is Caesar Trailwood, but I think I'll modify it slightly and go with Caesar Hardwood, which I think sounds more porny.

If I tweak the formula just a little bit (use stepmother's maiden name instead of actual mother's) my porn name is Goblin Slaughter. That...doesn't sound very sexy, does it? Maybe to Tobe Hooper.

Also back to the round-up--the French language preview of Priceless makes it seem much less twee and cutesy than the English language one does. Although it's aggravating to learn that the French are just as bad about giving away the entire movie in the preview as Hollywood is.

Just change it to Caesar Tailwood -- that should guarantee a guest shot in some of the all-anal videos.

Ooh Melody, I also want a personal sushi chef, lip gloss that isn't sticky, a keg for under my desk at work, and John Krasinski.

That Girl, you sit in the corner and be quiet, you're on time-out.

TK: hee!

Goblin Slaughter. That...doesn't sound very sexy, does it? Maybe to Tobe Hooper.

Ha ha ha ha! One of my favorite movies as a kid was Poltergeist, so Goblin Slaughter sounds pretty hot to me.

Good lord, how did I manage to miss all this?!! I need in on the porn names!

First pet was Mitzi; that's a good start, huh? Got to make up a good last name, though.

How about "Mitzy Merrynethers".

Oh, best real-life name? Sel Dicks. The guy worked with my father. Someone once called the cafeteria there and said, "Sel Dicks there?" Yeah, he got hung up on.

Oh, and there's a Harry Dikes in my hometown too.

HallsyHatesU--cheers, mate! I'm all for a little light-hearted verbal sparring; bring it on, buddy. (Guilty confession, I still like Robin Williams, so I won't--nay, can't--look down on you for liking The Rock).

That's it. Mitzy Merrynethers takes the prize!

married life sounds suspiciously like divorce italian style. hmmmmm.....

I think I prefer Hardwood to Tailwood. While I have no issues with having sex with a woman in a very uncomfortable place, I really don't want to limit myself.

Regarding what women want, so far it's not too bad since it's mostly nothing to do with me, and so I'm not failing, barring the being John Krasinski and dancing. My name *is* John but it ends there, and sorry, I just sing. If I'm dancing and it's visible then I'm drunk and it looks very silly and is nothing to pair up with. I can keep a toilet seat down, dry and clean at the very least.

And suuure I'm contrary. Never watched Veronica Mars and DO NOT WANT to watch Buffy, yet I can't help but still feel at home with Firefly lovers. I'd just usually rather advocate what I do advocate and not bother with pissing on the writer. Others are much better at that anyway!

Wanna read my old term paper celebrating Alex Cox's "Straight to Hell"?

Yyyyeah, I didn't think so.

Sarina, are you aware that you have just issued a challenge to everyone on here to go one step further? I hope you're proud of yourself.

Posted by: KatyBelle at February 28, 2008 1:48 PM

Indeed. Infinitely so.

...lip gloss that isn't sticky

Posted by: Julie at February 28, 2008 2:00 PM

Avon Glazewear. Best. Lipgloss. Ever. No, for serious. Avon ain't just for old ladies anymore. Plus, if you get it on sale, it's like $1.99.

:hugs Sarina: I need to buy that!

Jay, but you're a male librarian, which in my world equates in terms of hotness being a Hugh Jackman doppleganger with the singing voice of Chris Cornell who craps money and ponies.

Jay, but you're a male librarian, which in my world equates in terms of hotness being a Hugh Jackman doppleganger with the singing voice of Chris Cornell who craps money and ponies.

Posted by: Julie at February 28, 2008 2:32 PM

Listen to Julie. She speaks the truth. Bookish men are hot as hell.

Now Daniel, what is it you think you were doing when you wrote this little blurb?

Hm?

I DON'T CARE! WHAT! YOU! THINK!

See -- that's what the phone conversation is going to me like when Dwayne reads this and googles your phone number, Dude. And then you get the People's Elbow, and you're done.

Yes, his movies suck (well, in context of genre, did the Scorpion King suck? Debatable.), but as big as he looks on TV he will look a lot bigger when he's kneeling on your chest pounding on you.

I'm just sayin'. WIMB gets it right when they say his aspirations for an Oscar are a little, um, far fetched.

I always thought that sarah j. parker looked like a foot. Around my house shes called the goot woman

You are all wrong.

We want chocolate.

We do NOT want that crappy Whitman's crap you cheap idiots grab off the impulse-buy rack right before you get to the checkout counter at Walgreen's. We want quality chocolate.
We want Godiva. See's. The handmade Belgian stuff from the cute little shop in the upmarket strip mall, a box of which costs more than the outfit you're wearing (you cheap prick).
We also want to not share the chocolate. Just give us the chocolate and go watch sports or something and leave us alone. With our chocolate.

Freud thought that women want penises. This is very not true. We do not want our tenderest bits stuck right out on the front of our bodies where anyone can get at them. We think that is stupid.

However, we do like to borrow a penis from time to time. Only for, like, half an hour or so. Then we'll give it right back. We promise.

Maybe someone already pointed this out: SJP looks startlingly like Ruth Buzzi, the comedienne from the 1970s. I liked Ruth Buzzi just fine as a tot, but the physical resemblance is not a compliment to one who is trying to be a vivacious starlet.

Elron, can I eat my fancy chocolate while watching sports? Nothing beats watching a Phillies game while gorging yourself on a Toblerone.

They totally filmed Smart People at Carnegie Mellon while I was in grad school there.

While it was being filmed, my then-boyfriend offered to buy Dennis Quaid's puppy.

I hate Godiva. If you're going to eat chocolate then it should be Cadbury's, you heathens. Even for that, however, I have a limited appreciation. I'm actually not overly fond of chocolate. I prefer salty to sweet.

I would do unspeakably dirty things to anyone who provided me with King or Tayto cheese and onion crisps on a regular basis. God, it sucks being able to eat your favourite junk food only once every year or two.

Sigh...I guess I'll join in. Using the classic formula, my porn name is Gizmo Albert. I think that could work well as a porn character.

As for funny names, I occasionally have the pleasure of sending emails to a fellow by the name of Richard (Dick) Beverage. Believe it or not, he actually *prefers* to be called Dick.

Robin Williams - I like him as a serious actor but hate his "comedies".

Maybe I just need to get that job downtown then.

No, strike that, I DO, for many reasons besides just serving the suburban crowd.

I was seeing some errors in wardrobe perspicacity when I got here and looked in the mirror, so your support's appreciated. If only I could keep my raincoat on. Halloween was fun since I could wear my thrift store Tenth Doctor costume all day (though my own glasses didn't look right and skinny boxy frames wouldn't look right either because I look fuck all like David Tennant so I just squinted a lot, but the screwdriver was licensed and official n' shit!)

I don't have much of a sweet tooth so have at it, Elron. I crave salt. Chocolate tends to cause me more pain than endorphins when it finds a sensitive molar (and not pain endorphins either, I'm not testing my limits here). Puttin that quarter in the Brach's sampler coin box is dangerous! Think Danny Butterman's ice cream headache. Does See's Candies go with the Godiva? I know their stuff's pretty popular. If you'll just give me a little peanut brittle now and then I think it'd work out beautifully.

Oh and Julie, you *have* read Joe Queenan's "True Believers", right?

I'm still looking forward to How She Stepped Up, Stomped the Yard, and Got Served, Then got in Captivity at a Hostel, and Knew Who Killed Her Part Two: Electric Boogaloo in 3-D

Oh and Julie, you *have* read Joe Queenan's "True Believers", right?

Hee, I want to, but I'm afraid that I'll spiral into such a deep depression that only the Eagles winning the Superbowl will be able to dig me out :)

I don't have a sweet tooth either, my idea of bad-for-me snackage is Kettle Boardwalk Style Salt and Vinegar chips. They hurt, but they hurt so good.

All bad news should be followed by three utterly charming, hope-inducing, lovely little trailers. I'm excited.

And to everyone who hates SJSP- even if she's not physically your type, she's a fount of quirky charm. Don't hate.

Julie: Toblerone?! Really? And sports? Are you sure you're a girl? Maybe the hospital made a mistake?

The rest of you who don't like sweets: I don't really understand you, and I suspect that you may be aliens of some kind; but as long as we can coexist peacefully then I'm not going to gripe. No chocolate for you = more chocolate in the world for me.

Sincerely,
Bagheera Batts, aka Puffy Westminstongue.

"We do NOT want that crappy Whitman's crap you cheap idiots grab off the impulse-buy rack...we'll give it right back. We promise."

I love you. That was my favorite post ever. I couldn't stop laughing. I need to leave now...before I have to reveal to my workmates what I keep giggling about at my desk by myself.

Julie: Toblerone?! Really? And sports? Are you sure you're a girl? Maybe the hospital made a mistake?

:looks down:

I...I think those are boobs. :)

Dick Beverage....ohhh, my......Hallsy, how do you type that with a straight face?

By the way, Pajibaland, I'd just like to point out that this thread has been my first foray into trying these fancy-pants HTML tags. I feel so tech-savvy.

GO ME!!!

I...I think those are boobs. :)

Posted by: Julie at February 28, 2008 3:28 PM

And again, it all comes back to boobs.

We're hopeless.

And again, it all comes back to boobs.

We're hopeless.

...sigh. And today's "Love" mentioned taco dip. We've created a sexually deviant monster.

This post's title is hilariously appropriate.

Julie: Toblerone?! Really? And sports? Are you sure you're a girl? Maybe the hospital made a mistake?

:looks down:

I...I think those are boobs. :)

Julie, now I want a Toblerone! Dammit. I cannot get behind the Eagles, but that is because my heart belongs to the Brady. As long as you are not an Indy fan, I think we can get along. Do not be ashamed to be a girl who loves Toblerone and sports. There is nothing wrong with it.

My husband's even getting me the NCAA tourny package from DirecTV because it is cheaper than trying to get first round tickets.

Best chocolate = Lindt. That is all.

And going alllllllllll the way back to Jerce's first comment up at the top of the thread -- a weakness for Bollywood? Oh yeah. Me too, only not so much with the small. Actually, I would love to see some Pajiba reviews of classic Bollywood flicks...or even non-classics, I don't care. Bring on the backup dancers!

...Pajiban Overlords'n'ladies? Are you there? Pleeeeeeeease?

My, my, look what I missed! Porn names! Mine is "Taco Dip Honeypot". I don't feel like explaining. The first part should be obvious to my internet girlfriend.

What do women want? I fucking hate horses/ponies/donkeys/whatever, unless you meant ponies as a euphemism, Julie...or you really did mean ponies? As in..."ride it"? You're sick.

Do you suppose we'll ever manage to go through an entire comment thread without it turning porny?

The first part should be obvious to my internet girlfriend.

As your internet girlfriend, I must say I approve. Your Taco Dip Honeypot and my Rampaging Beaver will get along just fine.

:cracks self up for a good 10 minutes:

Do you suppose we'll ever manage to go through an entire comment thread without it turning porny?

Not if I have anything to do with it.

Joker - Theoretically, I think the only way to avoid the thread becoming porny, is for an actual pornographic film to be reviewed.More than likely, the thread would evolve (or devolve) into handy ways to recycle old cardboard tubes, the best way to avoid static cling, and how to avoid spending too much at the grocery store...

Only one way to find out... I just threw the gauntlet down. And now for the waiting game...

Theoretically, I think the only way to avoid the thread becoming porny, is for an actual pornographic film to be reviewed.

May I suggest Shut Up and Do Me?

Do you suppose we'll ever manage to go through an entire comment thread without it turning porny?

Hahaha....I read that last word as pony...and couldn't figure out why it still sounded so dirty....

I'm taking Porny Pony.

Skittimus has an excellent point. In order for us to properly evaluate the actual habits and behaviors of the native Pajibiate, we must test all hypothesis (hypotheses? hypothesises?). Since we've already got a good grasp of this elusive animal's mating habits, we must discover what other qualities it might possibly have.

....ahem....review Debbie Does Dallas. For Classics Week.

Julie Your beaver can rampage my honeypot. *laughs hysterically for 10 minutes*

Oh trust me, the things that Julie can do with a cardbord tube and static cling would make you blush. And you're not a blushing man, are you, Skitt?

I respectfully submit the adult classic:

"Up Up and Away" or, the more contemporary: Go Deeper, Part 1.

Lady, I ain't blushed since... I can't think of an appropriate way to answer that...

Excellent suggestion SOD - Classics Week, indeed.

Julie - I'm gonna guess that's the title of a movie?

And BSlim, "Up Up and Away" reminds me of that crap-ass song which is very anti-erotic... Unless, of course, I focus on the "beautiful balloons" part and...

Okay... yeah. Threads do seem to end in filth, don't they?

I blame Julie and joker, the seductive sirens of the pajiba universe.

I'm gonna guess that's the title of a movie?

Yup, it's the title of a porn my friends and I rented (as a joke) when we turned 18. :)

And Shadows, Porny Pony is so great that I may just have to give my firstborn that name.

Joker...I'm still cracking up. Hee hee.

Porny Pony...I like that. Oooh now I'm a seductive siren? Hmm...that's interesting. Can I put that on my CV? I'm actually quite a shy person, I was corrupted by Julie. She seduced me and took my innocence, so she's really the siren here. I'm more of a...sailor in this story. Mmm...sailors...hey Julie, how do you feel about roleplaying?

You mean like this?

http://www.superdeluxe.com/sd/contentDetail.do?id=D81F2344BF5AC7BBA696F269B9D88D70629D940E51E3A2C6

Dick Beverage....ohhh, my......Hallsy, how do you type that with a straight face?

-----------------------------------------------

Who said I type it with a straight face! I usually announce it to everyone within earshot and we all have a good chuckle about it. We usually spend some time riffing on the idea of Dick Beverage as a spectacularly flawed product idea.

I've always thought Schweddy Balsac would be a good porn name. I thought of quite a few variations of my internet name that could be used for porno: Captain Asscrack, Cpt Snatchpop, Cpt Asspoke, Cpt Cockpop, etc. I have a very creative and perverted mind. It's great to be young and insane!

(thank God I don't have to talk to him on the phone...)

I don't see where The Rock hate comes from. If you ask me it all feels a little forced, like you feel like you should hate him on principle. I don't know much about his wrestling days (my only involvement/knowledge of wrestling comes from a day and a half marathon session of WWE2007 on the X360 last year, which he only features in as an unlockable "classic" style character) but since he started acting seriously I've enjoyed all of the movies of his that I've seen.

Doom was great in a Snakes on a Plane kind of way, I enjoyed Welcome to the Jungle (despite SWS being his usual sucky character) and I really enjoyed Gridiron Gang despite having no interest or knowledge of American Football or sporting movies in general (Gridiron Gang is the only sports movie I've ever enjoyed).

Every generation needs their action hero, and there hasn't been a really decent one since Arnie gave it up. Vin Diesel gave it a shot, but he sucked outside of the Riddick movies unfortunately and never really had the chops to pull it off. I believe that Dwayne Johnson is this generation's action hero.

Maybe it just comes down the reason i watch movies. I don't think they're long enough to provide proper character development or a decent story, so i tend to prefer books (mostly fantasy: Wheel of Time, now that was a length you could sink your teeth in to!) or TV series.

"...so i tend to prefer books (mostly fantasy: Wheel of Time, now that was a length you could sink your teeth in to!)..."

Speaking of...has the last book come out yet? I need to go look that up...so that I can finally get some resolution.

Speaking of funny names, there are a couple of names from my high school days that come to mind. One of my fellow students was named Franklin Nelson Stein. That would be Frank N. Stein for short. There was another student named Chris Hunt, who used to receive care packages from his father on a near weekly basis (I went to a boarding school). Every week Chris would receive Mike Hunt's box in the mail. Needless to say he was given quite a hard time about that.

By the by, for anyone who is on the pro-Rock side of the aisle, he looks mighty fine in the trailer for Get Smart. Is it wrong that I find him more attractive now that I've seen him put a staple in someone's forehead?

alright, I am way to lazy/busy to read through 250 comments, but I am dieing to know why a frikkin TRADE ROUNDUP has so many posts. Someone in the know want to summarize for me? THanks

Actually, the news items and trailers got a fair bit of mileage. Then someone started playing tar baby and someone mentioned making up porn names. Said tar baby is now arching the site like the Monarch (see various comment threads).

The Wakeful, here's a breakdown for you:

The Rock sucks, The Rock is badass, The Rock is hot, Oh hey PissBoy's back :everyone together: "Hi PissBoy!", commenters are kiss asses, Wex is a toolbox, Sarah Jessica Parker is a horsey box of rusty nails, let's make porn names!, enter Cleophis Facefucker, Steve Drill, Rampaging Beaver, Honey McMoistbritches, Skitticock Maxijizz, Puffy Westminster, Tiffani Quickie, Mitzy Merrynethers etc etc, girls like ponies, porn, girls like chocolate, porn, boobs, Julie's beaver loves Joker's honeypot, porn reviews, aaaand back to The Rock is awesome.

You love it Jay, don't deny.

I'd have to agree Julie. I kinda want to jump the Rock too. For me, it's that eyebrow thing he does.

Do.... YOUuuuu... SMMMMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what THE ROCK, is COOKING?

I do. And it's HOT!

Thanks Julie, that was an excellent summary. Why don't we all talk about the Carebears for a while? It only seems logical at this point.

No? You still want to talk about the Rock? Ok, fine, I'll be in the other room.

Now that you mention it, did you know that the Care Bears now have their own Badtz Maru in the form of Grizzle the bear? He even has a robotic exoskeleton, and he is hellbent on taking Care-a-Lot down!

Julie - whenever threads get over, oh say... 150 comments, you should write a review (as you so perfectly did for Wakeful), and it should be posted immediately following the main topic of discussion... Saves time for the late posters, and gives a nice recap when someone asks "Whatcha typin' about?".

I will pay you three point eight BILLION dollars to do this from now until the end of time. Or until some Association Of Internet Decency shuts this bitch down... (which, judging by the past week-and-a-half's descent into Filthyville, should be right abou... :101101001101000: .... [ENTRY DENIED ACCESS]

THIS WEBSITE HAS BEEN DEEMED INNAPPROPRIATE AND SHUT DOWN COURTESY OF A.O.I.D. FOR QUESTIONS, PLEASE CONTACT RICHARD BEVERAGE AT 1-800-THE-ROCK. THANK YOU.

The hell is a Badtz Maru?

Oh, he's a penguin

http://www.sanrio.co.jp/english/characters/w_chara/18.html

Skitt, know that I am holding you to that price.God dammit, where is my lawyer when I need her?

...oh right, prepping for my prostitution ring trial. They're just my sexy cousins, I swear.

Sarina-Badtz Maru is, correct me if I'm wrong Jay, a Hello Kitty (?) character in the shape of an insanely cute penguin. I'm pretty sure I had a wallet with him on it in high school...because I liked penguins, you see.

Oh, I see. Why isn't it just called Hello Penguin?

:exasperated sigh:

Because Sarina, it wouldn't be as confusingly CUTE that way.

:p

Oh, Kitty's the only one who's "Hello" (and as far as I know the only one who's been made into a vibrator). All the Sanrio characters, and they are legion, have a different, and frequently incomprehensible name. This much I learned from the old girlfriend. That and most all of the merchandise is pretty useless. Just insane objets d'art, if you will. That wallet (she had one too) is about the height of functionality. I like to carry around a lot of useful things. The Sanrio store and I were not a good match, however much I might like the little surly bird.

Did I just explain Sanrio to a girl?

Let gender stereotypes everywhere take note.

The whole concept of a Hello Kitty vibrator is immensely disturbing. Isn't Hello Kitty supposed to be for tiny tots?

The only Hello Kitty thing I ever had was a pen that I got when I was about six. It wrote in pink or purple or some sissy colour, and my teacher got mad at me and told me I couldn't write with it because it wasn't an appropriate ink colour for school.

Sarina, take a look at this thread. The entire thing is deeply disturbing. Hello Kitty vibrators are just the tip of the iceberg around here these days.

Elron Hubble: We also want to not share the chocolate. Just give us the chocolate and go watch sports or something and leave us alone. With our chocolate.

I tend to believe that. I've got a friend who's a male nurse in a rehab clinic, with all female colleagues. Whenever a family visits and brings chocolates (Leonidas, Neuhaus, that hi-brow shit) the box is emptied in less than fifteen minutes. And not by the patient or my buddy.

He once stated in face of the nurses the only thing missing in the clinic from looking like a stable was some straw on the floor.

So yes, chocolate is all they crave.

I think a Hello Kitty vibrator makes a lot of sense. It says "Hello" to your kitty. Mmmm...yea, that's what I do around here. I make the juvenile comments, then I giggle to myself. Pay no attention to the girl in the straitjacket.

Skitt, I believe the AIOD have been scared off. No worries.

*cue in John Williams background score*

Hello Kitty creatures have many abilities some would consider......unnatural...

The Rock was seriously the only good thing about that supperating tool of a movie, Be Cool.

How disturbed must I be when I come in this morning to find this thread still going....and I'm reassured?

I had a g/f who had a Hello Kitty vibrator. No joke. She mostly had it for novelty, of course...but it is functional. And deeply disturbing. Almost as disturbing as the Hello Kitty panties. It's not an image I want staring back at me when I'm exploring...

Yeah, it gave me a Mr. Bill mental image when I first heard of it. "Rampaging Beaver?! OH NOOOOOO!!"

But that's just me.

But now I'm kinda thinking of Palpatine wielding one. And that goes down a dark path.

But now I'm kinda thinking of Palpatine wielding one. And that goes down a dark path.

Posted by: Jay at February 29, 2008 9:11 AM

Instead of the normal lightsaber sound, would it meow?

How disturbed must I be when I come in this morning to find this thread still going....and I'm reassured?

Very disturbed, because I was reassured as well.

The reason Hello Kitty is on a vibrator is because of the stricter laws against pornography/sex toys in Japan. If they put Hello Kitty on it, then it can be listed as an animal novelty toy. It's the same reason that a lot of sex toys have little animals on them-- probably the most hilarious I saw at the sex toy party I attended last week was a turtle.

Because nothing says "orgasmic" like a slow, shelled, egg-laying creature!

And Sanrio didn't care much about what the company was going to do with the license, and then they made their "shoulder massager" and it started showing up in J-porn and Sanrio said "uh...uh....wait...they can't...", oh but they could, they'd signed the contract, but they finally found some way, akin to Capone's taxes, to shut them down and destroy the mold. However they're apparently back in production with another vendor now.

Of course, in J-porn you can't show (choose your own term for the anatomy), except for, as I understand it, certain material produced for export *only*.

Yeah, it's Wakeful's fault for mentioning the Care Bears in the first place.

I know I'm incredibly late to the thread, but sometimes work gets in the way of my Pajiba time... All the talk of porn names compels me to share mine: Kitten Day Frederick. Personally, I think just having it be Kitten Day works. Perhaps I'll change my Pajiba screen name to that...

Say what you will at Guy Ritchie, but Lock, Stock and Snatch are both damn good films. It's just that once again, Madonna found a way to screw up something awesome.