Interviews | October 31, 2008 | Comments (153)

We don’t do a lot of interviews on Pajiba. We don’t often seek them out because we’re not interested in a filmmaker’s version of “We gotta play it one day at a time,” or “To win, you have to score more than the other team.” But Kevin Smith is different. Kevin Smith was one of the first filmmakers to make films that were not only about people like us — foul-mouthed, self-deprecating, sexually obsessed geeks — but spoke in our language. His films are more than just a gimmicky premise: They are a series of conversations that people like us have been having for years, even if — in some instances — those conversations for some people are about how they don’t like Kevin Smith. His movies took our bar talk, our late-night conversations, our after-movie rants, and our idle video-game chit-chat and put them to film. And he could do it because he is one of us. He speaks like he does in movies, which is how he speaks in real life, which makes a Kevin Smith interview an unusually candid one. Also, he’s Silent Fucking Bob, people. We’re in the tank for the guy.

In an interview we conducted via email, Smith talks about his new movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Seth Rogen, the death of the print critic, The Avengers, and more. Here it is:

Pajiba: A while back, before you began casting for Zack and Miri, we did a Supermovie Fantasizing piece, where — for shits and giggles — we mixed and matched our favorite directors, actors, and writers. We actually had Seth Rogen playing Silent Bob in a Clerks remake (God forbid). Do you see, in Rogen, a sort of younger generation version of yourself? And is that why you cast him in your movie?

Kevin Smith: I don’t see Rogen as a younger generation version of me so much as a younger generation version of Bill Murray. He’s the first comedic actor since Bill Murray who has that completely relatable, admirable, laid-back personality/presence. You just wanna be him — in that way that we all wanted to be Dr. Peter Venkman or John Winger when we were kids.

We were making Clerks II when The 40-Year-Old Virgin was in theaters, so I didn’t catch it ‘til DVD. But when I caught it, Rogen invaded my world, man. I instantly fell in love with his delivery, his persona. I felt like he was a real, live Randal (from Clerks). With all due respect to everyone in Virgin, for me, that is Rogen’s movie. When he’s not onscreen, you’re waiting for him to show up again. And the moment I knew I wanted to cast him in something — anything — was when he and Paul Rudd are playing video games (what most folks refer to as the “you know how I know you’re gay” scene), and at the conclusion of their game, Seth announces aloud what his vg character is doing to Rudd’s vg character — concluding with “Now I rip off your head and throw it at you. Fuck you!” I had to rewind that four times. That was just genius to me.

So I’d been thinking about this film set on the outskirts of the world of porn for years, and discovering Seth crystallized that for me. Suddenly, I had a Zack — and he was gonna make a porno.

Pajiba: Do you really want to be known as the guy who foisted a naked Seth Rogen onto the world?

Smith: Lemme tell you: A naked Seth Rogen is a thousand times preferable to an even semi-naked me. So I’ll forever keep my clothes on and give the world, instead, a naked guy who won’t make them throw up a little in their throats.

Pajiba: Was casting Brandon Routh in a Zack and Miri cameo a fuck-you to the people who made Superman Returns? Don’t be cavalier. Was it really?

Smith: Nah. But I did try to sneak some Supes references into the scene that Brandon was like “Can we not?” to. It was the wise decision. All credit to him for not letting me go too geeky.

Pajiba: Are there any actors you want to work with that you haven’t yet?

Smith: Robert Shaw. I’m about thirty years too late for that, though.

Pajiba: What kind of impact do you think that your movies, and Clerks in particular, has had on the current Apatowan R-rated comedy landscape. Personally, we don’t think you get enough credit (or blame?) for the semi-substantive raunchy comedies that have come out in recent years. You’re like the Dylan of modern comedies.

Smith: “Semi-substantive” — I like that. I’m totally stealing that line.

Aside from falling in hetero-love with Rogen, that first viewing of Virgin also had me smiling ear-to-ear, feeling like “Wow — someone made a movie that’s like the movies I like to make. But they figured out how to make a shit-ton of money doing it.” I always felt, based on years of empirical data, that mixing raunch and sweetness would only result in a thirty million dollar theatrical gross. It was like “Feel free to make these very specific types of comedies, but just know that you’ll always play to a small (but ardent) audience.” Then Judd and crew came along and shattered — absolutely obliterated — that glass ceiling, and I’m like “Ain’t I the asshole who doesn’t know what he’s talking about?”

It was weird in the beginning, because there were all these articles in the press which posited that a comedy like 40-Year-Old Virgin or Knocked Up or Superbad had never existed before — like the bro-mantic comedy was a new creation. Entertainment Weekly, particularly, wrote (and still continues to write) as if Judd single-handedly created the genre. And I’m off to the side going “Hi. ‘member me?”

But I never confuse the flick/filmmaker with their press or audience. I was then, and remain today, a fan of Judd and Co. I mean, how could I not be? They make flicks that I like making: dirty-mouthed, pure-hearted stories about normal people doing emotionally extraordinary things. He’s a loyalist: He works with the same cast and crew repeatedly — something I like to do, too. And they gave us (and me) Rogen — something I’ll always be eternally grateful for.

Confession time, though: This year, at the San Diego Comic-Con, I’m sitting on a director’s panel with Judd, Zack Snyder and Frank Miller, right? And at one point, moderator Marc Bernardin asks us “Who are your influences?” I cite the usual suspects (Spike Lee, Richard Linklater, Hal Hartley, Jim Jarmusch). Judd goes next and says “Well, Kevin Smith laid the track.” And even though I’d only met the man a half an hour prior, I leap on him and give him a huge fucking bear hug. Someone finally said it, and it was the man himself. That meant a lot.

Pajiba: Do you feel that becoming more polished as a filmmaker has changed your artistic sensibility? Clerks was so fresh and new and out-of-nowhere, and then Dogma was more polished — it looked more like a Hollywood movie — but still with a lot of fresh ideas. Do you consciously resist becoming more “Hollywood”?

Smith: I don’t think I started polishing it up ‘til Clerks II, to be honest. Clerks II and the “Reaper” pilot were two projects where I actually put some thought into making them look like a grownup made them, and not just a retarded oaf with a budget who liked to cuss a lot. And for years, I’d resisted trying to make the movies look good, because … well, because I’m the laziest motherfucker you’ll ever meet. Seriously — it’s deplorable how lazy I am. I’m a big, sweaty, fat fucking lard-ass mess, not because I’ve got “big bones” or some kinda glandular problem; I’m just too lazy to exercise and eat right. I wanna do the bare minimum at all times. That extended to the work as well — and that’s chiefly because, on the first flick, we were insanely generously rewarded for one of the most amateurish-looking flicks you’ll ever see. Not only did it find distribution, but critically, it was adored. People gave the look a pass because they liked what was being said in the flick, or it made them laugh. And what I took from that, stupidly, was “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Why try harder to shape and grow my craft when people don’t care about the visuals as much as the content — that was my philosophy for damn near 11 years. Even when they paired me up with Vilmos fucking Zsigmond — an Academy Award winning master of light DP — I never really put much thought into the visuals.

Then, one day, I grew up. I decided to be more diligent. I started putting thought into what we were showing, rather than just what we were telling. That, to me, isn’t becoming more “Hollywood” as much as becoming less lazy about my profession. It only took me a decade to reach that conclusion. I’m such an idiot, man.

Pajiba: Do you ever get the notion to completely sell out, to cast Adam Sandler and write a big family film with fart gags and talking animals?

Smith: I kinda tried that once. Got spanked critically (and somewhat commercially). The irony is, I’m reading some Zack and Miri reviews in which people invoke the dreaded Jersey Girl, writing, “This is the movie he was trying to make when he made the Bennifer flick: it’s non-Smith-audience-friendly and packed with heart.” But I still maintain a) I like Jersey Girl and b) even less people would’ve been interested in Jersey Girl if all the grownup characters ran around the flick screaming “cock-smoker” in the little girl’s face. That movie just didn’t lend itself to the sense of humor I’m known for. Zack and Miri Make a Porno, on the other hand? You can be heartwarming and filthier than fucking Salo and it works.

Pajiba: If Zack and Miri opens well, do you think it will grease the wheels for a bigger budget Red State? And is that still your next project?

Smith: Red State needs to be cheap. Even the $5 million budget we’re looking for might be too much, in terms of return-on-investment. If I’m gonna get all experimental (or, at least, as experimental as I can get) in a genre in which I’ve never proven myself, with material that’s 180 degrees away from what I normally handle, it behooves me to be economical as fuck. It’s simply the human, decent thing to do to anyone who’s gonna pony up the funds. The flick is not a home run by any stretch of the imagination; it’s the riskiest thing I’ve ever done (if I even get to do it). Based on that, I think less is more, in this case.

Pajiba: What’s the story on the “space” film you mentioned at Comic-Con?

Smith: Comedy. Set in space. Will be my biggest budget yet, but still not crazy (somewhere in the $50 million range — huge for me). Hopefully with Seth. Hopefully better than “Pluto Nash.” Much more than that, it’s too early to say.

Pajiba: So, what do you think: Is The Avengers going to fall apart under the collective egos of the people involved or does it have a chance to be a decent flick?

Smith: I think it’s gonna work, because the studio is into it, and the lynchpin (Downey) seems grateful to Marvel for affording him the opportunity for a massive Act II in his career. That kind of gratitude in an actor is hard to come by, but Downey’s a grownup who’s been to the circus many, many times, and knows that life is better on the wire than in the stands. I’d wager that, even if everyone else lost interest, Robert Downey Jr. would still cheerlead the Avengers movie; and that makes me like him even more than I do. I met the man at Comic-Con 2007 for forty-five seconds, and he was such a class act. I’m smoking on the loading dock, and he and a bunch of folks emerge from the freight elevator, en route to cars. He stops and says hi to me. I’ve never met the guy. He didn’t have to do that. That kinda rocked my world. Here’s a guy who’s just come from a panel that made 5,000 people cum in their pants (the first unveiling of any Iron Man footage anywhere; footage that fucking rocked), and he still takes the time to come over and say hi. People like that in this business are golden, man. So I’m gonna amend my answer to question 3 and add Robert Downey Jr. to that short list beside Robert Shaw. Aside from being a motherfucker who can drop a performance clinic on your ass, he just seems like a good guy.

Pajiba: Keep acting. That’s not really a question. It’s more or less a request. You were the only part worth watching in Catch and Release, and you’re making a name for yourself as a character actor. Keep acting.

Smith: Thanks, man. But that’s not up to me. If someone’s foolhardy enough to cast me, I’m there.

Pajiba: This is an overly broad generalization, but looking over the reviews for Clerks II and past movies, online critics tend to like your movies more than print critics. Famously, there also that incident with the punfucker, Joel Seigel, who walked out on Clerks II. Are you sad to see the slow demise of the print critic? Do you find online criticism more reflective of popular tastes?

Smith: Circa ‘94, when I came up, there was no such thing as an online critic. Sure, the folks who had the most primitive forms of dial-up could talk about movies on Dalnet or someplace, like that back then, but they weren’t being read outside their small community. So all I had to go by was the print critic. I mean, picture this: There was this NY Times ritual that John Pierson introduced me to that had us going down to the NY Times building at 2 in the morning the day of release to get the first copy of that day’s Times so we could read the review. Can you imagine that? Now, you click on the Times link the day before the flick comes out, and you can read what’s what. We’re talking about an era in which there were maybe 75 to 100 legitimate people who, in print, would tell you whether you rocked or sucked. That’s the world I came from, because that’s how it was done when I first got into the business.

Now, there are more like 7,500 to 10,000 people who’ll tell you whether you rocked or sucked (oftentimes before they even see the flick) and they’re all legitimate. And I gotta be honest: That’s better for any filmmaker. You get more bites at the apple. If those original 75 to 100 didn’t like your flick, you were fucked. Now, 500 critics can dislike your flick, and there’s still many more voices to be heard who might save you from a box-office disaster. The democratization of film criticism, thanks to the internet, has been a huge boon for filmmakers. It’s also been a huge bane, because now literally everybody’s a critic.

My relationship with the printed critics started out so impossibly strong, there was nowhere to go but down. Clerks was so crazily well-reviewed it was almost a foregone conclusion that they were gonna hate Mallrats (and most of them did). How Mallrats escaped irrelevance in the annals of movie history is largely due to the internet critic: People who identified with that movie because they were age-appropriate and wrote nice things about it.

That’s where the internet critic has been very helpful: Most times, they’re the same age as the filmmaker. The print critic tends to be at least ten years your senior (in the old days, much older than that), so there’s a cultural disconnect. That’s rarely an issue with the internet critic.

It’s not like we’re witnessing the death of the print critic; it’s just that the game has changed substantially over the last ten years, and way more players are now allowed onto the field. As cheap as words have always been considered, you used to have to pay to read them in newspapers or magazines. Now words are really cheap because you can read millions of them for free, if you have an internet connection. And yet, even though film criticism is legion now, the impact of a good or bad review remains the same. A bad review at Pajiba hurts as much as a bad review in the NY Times. A good review in Pajiba will put as big a spring in your step as a good review in the NY Times — probably even moreso. I got some really nice printed reviews on Clerks II, but none of them made me as happy as the Pajiba review — because I felt like “This motherfucker just gets the shit out of this movie, and what’s more, this motherfucker just gets the shit out of me because he is me — except probably thinner.”

Here’s a telling sign: Once Clerks got picked up, anything that ever ran in a newspaper or magazine about the flicks or me would get cut out, laminated to preserve it, and placed in a binder. I’ve got fifteen, sixteen thick-ass binders bursting with shit because a) my parents liked to read them, and b) I wanted to have them for my kids and my grandkids, so they’d be able to know a little bit about who I was when I’m no longer around. For years, it was some poor motherfucker’s job in my office to laminate all these articles and get ‘em in binders (and laminating, mind you, ain’t a fast process). Then, two years ago, I just stopped. Because it finally dawned on me that the internet virtually laminates everything. Google will direct people to tens of thousands of articles about the flicks I’ve made, so my kids and grandkids don’t need those thick-ass binders anymore. And just like that, a decade-old tradition in my house died. It was kinda sad (also kind of a relief; all that laminating was a real pain in the ass), but as the game changes, so too must the players, the audience, and the refs.

Pajiba's Favorite Craptastic Horror Films | The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan


This is the greatest thing evar. Now I have to read it...

Posted by: phquaryn at October 27, 2008 2:34 PM

Oh man...I just came in my pants a little...

Posted by: Marra at October 27, 2008 2:37 PM


I'm dying.... I'M DYING!!!!!!!!

So this is what you were all mysterious about on Friday, Dustin... Very nice. VERY nice.

Posted by: Sofía at October 27, 2008 2:39 PM

I can see why you were right chuffed about today's surprise. Sweet! Cool interview, and 'well done, good and faithful servants of the benevolent Godtopus/slavering Pajiban hordes'.

Posted by: replica at October 27, 2008 2:45 PM

Very cool indeed.

Posted by: Cindy at October 27, 2008 2:46 PM

Too freakin' cool, Dustin! (aww, and he had nice words for Pajiba, too. Love that guy!)

Posted by: meaux at October 27, 2008 2:48 PM


Posted by: JC at October 27, 2008 2:51 PM

Could I be accused of being ironic (and it's not intentional, believe me) when I say that bagging an interview with the great Kevin Smith lends Pajiba! that long-sought-after credibility/respectability?

Posted by: boogs at October 27, 2008 2:52 PM

Word up on the 'non-fanboyishness' of the interview Dustin.

And also HUGE thanks the Kevin for what seem like really honest, no bullshit answers.

Now...if Kevin Smith reads this and browses the comments...I'm a special effects artist from right down the other end of 295 in Delaware and missed my break when I tried to hack it in L.A. Pick me! Pick me! Fuck...I'll sweap up the set for 19 weeks if I have to...but pick me. Pick me.

/self-whoring finished.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 27, 2008 2:53 PM

Fuck...i spelled sweep wrong. Goddammit! Also...Dustin can give you my email address. He's the closest thing to 'people' I have.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 27, 2008 2:54 PM

I have a serious man crush on this tubby bastard , i used to go to Jay and Silent Bobs Secret stash i westwood all the fucking time. They had all his movies autographed for 150.00 had to get it. The prices for he comics were insane too
sold at cover price i love that place.

Posted by: GILP at October 27, 2008 2:57 PM

This is why I love the guy. No bullshit, calls it like he sees it and makes his movies the same way.

Nice one Dustin.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 27, 2008 2:57 PM

Wait, are we whoring ourselves for The Smith? Oh, what the hell?

Mr. Kevin,

I'm a screenwriter.


The Chilean Chick With The Awesome Rack Who Has The Upmost Respect For Your Wife Jen.

Posted by: Sofía at October 27, 2008 3:00 PM

Fuck it....

:: crosses fingers ::

Posted by: PissBoy at October 27, 2008 3:01 PM

Wowza, how'd you pull that off Dustin? Turns out Kevin Smith has great taste in websites I guess.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 3:05 PM

Smith has a lot of strikes against him in my book, but I still end up liking a lot of his stuff. We disagree politically, I think his dialogue, while often funny, is stilted, and I don't think he directs actors particularly well. Still though, I do like a lot of his stuff. Maybe it's the everyman angle he likes in Rogen (who by the way I'm not as in love with). He convinces me that but for want of a larger pair of testicles I might be able to do the same.

Posted by: Eep at October 27, 2008 3:06 PM

God damn, this rules. Fucking spectacular work, Pajiba.

Incidentally, I would love to be Kevin Smith's friend. He seems like the most laid-back, funniest guy ever.

Hear that, Kevin? I'm waiting, snookums.

Posted by: Sean (Llama) at October 27, 2008 3:08 PM

"...bagging an interview with the great Kevin Smith lends Pajiba! that long-sought-after credibility/respectability?"

This doesn't mean we've gotta "pay to post" or some shit like that, does it? Does "respectability" equal no more swearing? Because seriously - you do something like that, you might as well show up at my house with a crowbar, pry Minimus from my side, and beat him to death as I look on in horror. Swearing's just a big a part of me as is breathing, masturbating, picking at that lump behind my knee and volunteering at local charities. You take swearing away, and you've lost the greatest part of me.

That being said, nice interview, Mr. Man. I was thinking it had something to do with Pajiba's first foray into reviewing hardcore pornography, but an interview with Smith is just as good... Congrats!

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 3:10 PM

Fantastic interview! If Smith comes to this site and reads his reviews, there is the off chance that he participates in the comments as well. He could be any one of you out there. Well maybe not any, but there are a suspicious few.

Posted by: branded at October 27, 2008 3:14 PM

Oh, and if you could, can you ask Mr. Smith for a swatch of Banks' hair or maybe something like a tissue she used or something?


Thanks, man...

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 3:14 PM

This was a piss poor shit stain of a day that I was pretty sure was going to kill me. So when I finally get a minute to glance at the internet (while my fucking car is being fixed no less) I head to (of course) Pajiba and this is what I get to read.

Thanks for redeeming my day, Dustin. Great interview. I'm a huge fan from the beginning, Kevin. Thanks for dropping a cool interview.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 27, 2008 3:18 PM


Posted by: twig at October 27, 2008 3:22 PM

"I got some really nice printed reviews on Clerks II, but none of them made me as happy as the Pajiba review -- because I felt like "This motherfucker just gets the shit out of this movie, and what's more, this motherfucker just gets the shit out of me because he is me -- except probably thinner."

::cue Pajiboner.

Posted by: MG at October 27, 2008 3:29 PM

fan-fuckin'-tastic! I'm a big drooling fan so this is great. Of course it should be obvious that being interviewed by Pajiba makes Mr. Smith cooler.

Posted by: MrCreosote at October 27, 2008 3:31 PM

My mind right now, consider it BLOWN. How did this happen? Are we going to be mentioned on SmodCast? Please let us be on SmodCast, it is honestly the only reason I mow the lawn. (To make the logical jump: I listen to it when I mow the lawn. Perhaps not so clear) But wow. I love Kevin Smith and I love Sofia so much more for being willing to whore herself out to him.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 27, 2008 3:32 PM

Much respect.

Innovators are hit and miss, but when they hit...

Posted by: Recondite at October 27, 2008 3:33 PM

Great interview, Dustin! Also, Robert Shaw! YES!

Posted by: Kolby at October 27, 2008 3:42 PM

Y'know... reading about Kevin Smith doing what Kevin Smith does makes me feel like maybe I can do what I love and get paid for it too. Why's it gotta be so fucking hard to break into entertainment writing jobs? That said, I always enjoy reading something about directors that I respect when it comes from an honest place and they aren't just trying to shill for whatever project they have in the works. Great interview!

Posted by: Roaddog at October 27, 2008 3:43 PM

this is just so unbelievably cool. dustin, you're my hero.

Posted by: ping at October 27, 2008 3:52 PM

HOLY SHIT! Nice job guys! This has totally made my frickin' day.

Also, Kevin, much love and respect from a far! HUGE, HUGE fan who loves everything you've ever done and gives you mucho, mucho dinero (all worth it.... obviously).

Posted by: Tbone at October 27, 2008 3:54 PM

Holy shit.

I'm still in shock.

Is it weird that I feel like I've met Kevin Smith now? This is so much better than the time I saw Elijah Wood at a pizza place.

Posted by: Allingsworth at October 27, 2008 3:55 PM

If we are whoring ourselves out, I will follow Sofia's lead:

Mr. Kevin,
I'm a screenwriter.
The Chilean Chick Dude from Chicago With The Awesome RackAbove Average Man-boobs Who Has The Upmost Respect For Your Wife Jen.

PS. I legit do have respect for your wife. My cousin sent an unsolicited letter to your family when his mom--my aunt--died of breast cancer. He just wrote about how much she loved your films, which was completely out of character for her. Jen donated to my cousin's team in the Avon Walk. It meant a lot to our family.

PPS. I would like a job, though.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at October 27, 2008 3:55 PM

Wow. A several-paragraph interview and not one female writer/actor/director/etc. is bandied about - not even a bone thrown to some woman he'd like to work with in the future. If it was possible to have more evidence that Smith's and his ilk's work is by men, for men, this interview is it.

Posted by: erica c at October 27, 2008 3:56 PM

Wow! Just Wow! I so want to be Pajiba right now so I can e-mail Kevin questions.

I got about halfway through the most recent Podcast this morning on the train. I can not get enough of Mr Smith.

To quote the great philosopher - Snootchie Bootchies

Posted by: Brian at October 27, 2008 4:06 PM

erica c

I think I can guess what the c stands for.
sorry, just being a jerk.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 4:07 PM

I wager that Apatow made the movies that Kevin Smith always wanted to make but never got that much notice for nor financing for either. An Apatow film with Kevin pegged as the writer would be GOLDEN. Kevin is not that good of a director (in fact I think he's pretty terrible!), but I really like the dialogue in his films, they were more honest and real that any movie dialogue I heard or saw in the 1990s. And that's giving him an awful lot of credit, but hell, I like Kevin Smith, he really does tell great stories and he's fairly smart AND snarky in his own right. Great interview, by the way! Seth Rogen is the golden boy of the moment, huh?

Posted by: ph at October 27, 2008 4:14 PM

Hee! Kevin Smith has a man-crush on RDJ. That just made him totally relatable and even more fabulous than before.

Gonna go home, wrap myself in a big comforter, and watch Mallrats again.

Posted by: Pea at October 27, 2008 4:16 PM


Kevin says it right there in the interview he does 'bro mantic comedies' hence the strong gender bias.
It's not his fault most female targeted comedies are God awful nowadays is it?

If you're really intent on pegging him as a misogynistic asshole, at least watch Chasing Amy first, okay?

Posted by: cockroach at October 27, 2008 4:17 PM

Well, what the hell - everybody else is doing it...

Mr. Smith:

I have developed a state-of-the-art shampoo & conditioner for the beard and pubes. I must stress that my product (still in the testing stages) is not meant for regular hair - no, my product (still being tested - it's been shown to cause minor skin irritation) is meant for the face and groin. Not to be confused with "body wash", my product (still working out a few kinks due to skin legions and aggressive, highly contagious rashes) is intended for use by "regular" guys looking for a combo that not only cleans, but also conditions facial and pubic hair. I see from the above photo and interview that you are a bearded gentleman who apparently has contacts with some big-name "celebs". That being said, I think you'd be an ideal spokesperson for my product (I'll need you to sign a waiver as it's not 100 percent safe to use just yet). Please contact me via Mr. Rowles if interested in promoting my product (the FDA guy said something about leprosy of the genitalia and face, but you know those guys "blah, blah, blah, I'm a government stooge, blabbity, blah").

Thank you in advance,

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 4:23 PM

Damn, I'm going to have to break my boycott of movie theaters and go see "Zack and Miri Make a Porno". I just hope the floors aren't sticky.

Posted by: Miss_Mimi at October 27, 2008 4:25 PM

Well hot shit. I'm proud to be a Pajibian today.

Posted by: Lucas at October 27, 2008 4:26 PM

Damn, I'm going to have to break my boycott of movie theaters and go see "Zack and Miri Make a Porno". I just hope the floors aren't sticky.

If the floors (and walls and ceiling) aren't sticky after filming concludes, I dare say it wasn't really a porno.

Posted by: stipe42 at October 27, 2008 4:29 PM

Thanks for the interview!

I'd like a job too, but I have no discernible talents. I'm already in Hollywood, though.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 27, 2008 4:32 PM

This is so awesome. This is awesome beyond vocabulary. All hail Smith.

A simple request to Kevin Smith, can you please make a movie in New Mexico. It's cheap, has a bunch of climate zones and film students, and I will build a stone idol of you in your presence if you agree. You're like a demigod.

Posted by: George at October 27, 2008 4:41 PM

Congrats on landing this awesome interview, and if Kevin is actually reading the comments... keep on doing what you're doing, just like that, and fuck anybody that doesn't get it.

Posted by: jvon at October 27, 2008 4:43 PM

As if I needed more proof that Kevin Smith is a geek like most of us and down to Earth. May he continue for a long, long time.

Posted by: BFFredo at October 27, 2008 4:47 PM

I am a lazy, unemployed procrastinator who would love to write but just can't be bothered trying. I've heard of this 'honing one's skill' malarky, but that reeks of an effort I'm not prepared to make. Kevin, can you offer me a job so I don't have to try getting one myself? You'll have to fly me over from Sweden and pay for all my living expenses.

Posted by: kuksuga at October 27, 2008 4:54 PM

Awesome on a plate, Pajiba.

If this becomes a regular feature it's going to hard to top Kevin Smith, though. Talk about starting strong.

Posted by: minorblue at October 27, 2008 4:56 PM

The Chilean Chick With The Awesome Rack

This has to be the greatest sign-off ever! Of course now you realise I'm going to have to task Shadows with collecting photographic evidence that The Rack is indeed Awesome - if you hear rustling in your bushes don't be alarmed, just open your blinds and feel free to do a striptease, maybe some yoga or jumping jacks - with the lights on, of course! (He loves it when girls blow kisses his way as he's shooting)

And congratulations of course go to Sir Rowles for landing this review and not excessively brown-nosing a site favourite. This day shall live on forever as Kevin Smith Interview Day, and those that missed it shall feel rightly crappy. So, who's up next?

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 4:58 PM

I'm a big fan of Kevin Smith's work, so this is a right treat to read.

Coincidentally, I watched An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder for about the hundredth time again yesterday. It was the first time my younger sister had ever seen it, and it was just as funny on my one hundredth viewing as it was on her first.

Thank you Kevin Smith, for all of the laughs you've given my friends and I over the years.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at October 27, 2008 5:06 PM


I think I just heard the collective Pajiba geek universe scream in orgasmic pleasure.

Posted by: figgy at October 27, 2008 5:11 PM

Holy Crap! I've been reading for years (I hardly ever comment, I leave that up to everyone else who is far wittier than I) and now Pajiba's all grown up and interviewing Kevin Smith! Great interview.

I guess I should try to pimp myself out to Kevin Smith now? I currently don't do anything, but I used to act. In middle school I played the Cowardly Lion. I mean: playing a different species AND a different gender? Hillary Swank wins Oscars for that shit.

Posted by: mirandom at October 27, 2008 5:12 PM

This is beautiful.
I'm still kind of speechless that it exists.'s like, he's actually one of us...
[tear. snort.]

Posted by: Kash at October 27, 2008 5:14 PM

I agree with you cockroach, and in addition to Chasing Amy, I'd suggest viewing Clerks for the "snowball/ lasagna" scenes. It addresses sexism in a way that is funny and crass, but kinda sweet- pure Kevin Smith.

Posted by: phquaryn at October 27, 2008 5:26 PM


I think Chasing Amy makes women looking like unconstant shrill perma-sobbing fishwives, even when they are cute and bi.

It is that movie that, in fact, is the ball-licker.

All the same, I'd pay opening night prices to sit in a crowded theatre and watch Seth Rogen smirk at me in disgust for 96 minutes, and I wouldn't even need Sour Patch Kids. Yay for KS!

Posted by: that bees chick at October 27, 2008 5:28 PM

K, I'm cool with everything except how he says laminating is a pain in the ass. Laminating is freaking easy if you have one of those laminating machines where you just put the shit through rollers, the laminated shit comes out the other end easy peasy, and then trim off the excess plastic around the edges. I've laminated hundreds, if not thousands, of photos this way.

Yeah, I went there.

Posted by: Slash at October 27, 2008 5:32 PM

You bitch ass motherfuckers are acting as if homo Rowles is interviewing Coppola or Scorsese. This untalented hump's claim to fame is "Jay and Silent Bob" are you fucking kidding me, what, was Apatow unavailable?

Posted by: Pookie at October 27, 2008 5:55 PM

Pookie please be polite at the dinner table while we have guests over.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 5:58 PM

That settles it - Pooks is Smith... I always kinda knew, but it all makes sense now... SO HOW ABOUT BEING MY PUBE SHAMPOO SPOKESPOOK NOW?

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 5:59 PM

Our father worked very hard to get this interview, now you tell him you enjoyed it and thank him for it.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 6:00 PM

if you have one of those laminating machines where you just put the shit through rollers

IF, motherfucker, IF!!

I've never understood the rap "Chasing Amy" sometimes gets for being misogynist when it's all about a guy who just can't get over himself and his insecure shit until it's too late. And much like Rob Fleming, you might think he was acting like an asshole, but those thoughts and fears are genuine and women are being shown the truth. I don't think she was being a fishwife, she was rightly pissed off at this guy's schmuckery because she's grown up and he hasn't yet. Bob's speech is squirm-inducing because it's accurate, and you don't know how stupid you were being until later.

Posted by: Jay at October 27, 2008 6:06 PM

*flicks peas at Pookie when becks & Rowles aren't watching*


Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 6:06 PM

lordhelmet, I hope you're planning on picking those up because I wouldn't want to have to take you over my knee young man.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 6:11 PM

Hey! HeyheyheyheyheyheyHEY! You think I didn't see that?! GodDAMMIT, helmet, I told you not to pull any shi...

I just realized "Spokespook" could be interpreted bad. Real bad. Where was I? Oh yeah...

...NO, I'M NOT YOUR FATHER, BUT IF I WERE, YOU WOULDN'T BE SO GODDAMED PLAYFUL WITH YOUR PEAS. I SWEAR TO G... Hey! Hey, there's no crying here... c'mon. Look, I just got a little carried away - you know how I get when I'm drunk. C'mere and gimme a hug...

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 6:13 PM

That was truly heart warming Skitz. I think we just might be able to make this crazy blended family work.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 6:22 PM

But he started it!!!

(to self) - "oh shit, Uncle Skitz's drunk again, I'd better do that weird thing he likes so he gets distracted and doesn't insist on grabbing my ass again like he did at Christmas last year."

Hey Skitz, check this! *shoves peas up nose, tilts head back, and snorts them across the room, just missing the cat.*

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 6:23 PM

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

This is the coolest thing ever to happen to Monday, ever. Like, even cooler than Garfield.

Kevin Smith, I liked Jersey Girl. I've said it before, and I'll say it again- I think the harsh criticism was undeserved. P.S. You look adorable in that picture, and kind of like RDJ.

May I be excused? I have to go masturbate now.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 27, 2008 6:34 PM

No Anna, you can stay, we don't mind.

Posted by: becks at October 27, 2008 6:35 PM

*Sniff* It's just like having Christmas dinner in October.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 27, 2008 6:50 PM

God I love Kevin Smith his movies are really good but what I like are his talks. I am in awe of someone who can speak extemporaneously for 4 hours!
We were supposed to see him speak in NJ, but it got cancelled twice. Oh well.

Posted by: Amanda at October 27, 2008 6:52 PM

Pookie is right- that no talent assclown can't hold a candle to Tyler Perry!! Right Guys??

guys? anyone?

Posted by: LeoSpacman at October 27, 2008 6:53 PM

Only better than any dinner I've had...mmmmm, spaghetti and sex ed, thanks Beaverplatz! Make sure to give the kids' table a good view too, k?

Hey Admin11, want me to show you what a zit popping looks like?

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 7:03 PM

Very nice! I was recently re-watching An Evening With Kevin Smith, musing on how awesome it is that footage of college Q&As can be one of the best things I've ever seen. I just really respect his candor- few people can be so honest about themselves and their lives, whether in Hollywood or otherwise.
Anyhoo, nice snag on the interview there, Pajiba! So... is RDJr next on the interview list?! *elbow nudge*

Posted by: Lannie at October 27, 2008 7:10 PM

Come on helmet! Of course I want you to show me what a zit popping looks like. Then we can have a couple of rounds of Ukrainian arm wrestling and chase the girls with boogers.

Posted by: Adminn11 at October 27, 2008 7:24 PM

Yep, the Canadian boys are a bucket o' class. Admin11 and helmet, enjoy your dinner--I'll be over here raiding daddy's liquor cabinet. Cheers!

Posted by: meaux at October 27, 2008 7:28 PM

Ok, just let me get my Bluto clothes on then pass the mashed potatoes. I've always wanted to start a food fight! That, or have a toga party.

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 7:31 PM

YES! Snag RDJ! I've got the firs... Actually, I've got two questions

1. When you were in that movie, Johny B. Goode with Anthony Michael Hall, was he as cool as he seems? I mean, he got all hunky and everything, so it's not like he was the skinny, geeky guy from Sixteen Candles and Breakfast Club, but I guess my question is - was it intimidating to work with him because he was... um because he was like growing as an actor and... like, stepping away from the "nerd" roles?

2. Same movie, two-part question: there's a scene when you pick up a Chihuamahua and make a funny face - did that take a lot of takes? And after the scene "wrapped", did you guys eat the Chipwanda?

Dustin - If you can have these be the lead questions for Mr. Downey, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. Your number one fan, Skittimus Maximus Esquire III.

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 7:31 PM

Here we go, listen LeoSpaceman I was just saying that the pajibians are licking Rowles's nuts like he's interviewing Moses or somebody. And now you had to bring Tyler Perry into the equation, well excuse me for suggestions that the pajibians ease up on Rowles's sack. And oh by the way, who the fuck are you? I've never heard of you in all of pajibaville. I'm known all up in this piece, come next Tuesday I ain't going to have to put up with none of this shit again. You will need me to vouch for you.

Posted by: Pookie at October 27, 2008 7:35 PM

Smith is the greatest. Never has there been a man more connected with his audience.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at October 27, 2008 7:41 PM

if you hear rustling in your bushes don't be alarmed
Posted by: lorhelmet

My bush doesn't rustle. It RUMBLES!

Posted by: Sofía at October 27, 2008 7:43 PM

So then your bush gives a new meaning to the phrase "Rumble in the Jungle."

Posted by: Pookie at October 27, 2008 7:50 PM

I don't care what anyone says, funny guys are hot. I'd whistle at him, but I don't have a conscience.

Posted by: jM at October 27, 2008 7:52 PM

Why is it mandatory for directors to express interest in working with someone of the opposite sex? Are they sexist if they don't do it?

I don't think Kevin Smith goes out of his way to write better parts for men than for women. It's just what works for him. Whenever I write a script the best characters are always women, and it's not because I'm trying to position my gender as the best/funniest/most interesting. It's just what I know, and something I know I'm good at.

Chasing Amy was an amazing film, and Alyssa is one of the best female characters I've ever seen on the big screen. That movie was really about Holden not being able to deal with Alyssa's past; if anything it portrays the inability some men have to let go of the past (a label us girls always get stuck with) and thus being unable to achieve happiness. It shows inadequacy can be stronger than love, and that deeeeeeep down, everyone wants to be white.

Posted by: Sofía at October 27, 2008 7:58 PM

Fuck it helmet, food fight toga party! Meaux, empty the cabinet and see if AvBP is "finished". Becks grab Skitz and his shampoo cause this sumbitch is going to get dirty. Pookie bring Mr. Perry's shrivled coin purse cause you might need a snack later.

The Party's at Sofia's house. You'll know your there when the rumbling starts.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 27, 2008 7:59 PM

Pookie, I was wondering who'd be the first one to say that.

You never disappoint.

Posted by: Sofía at October 27, 2008 7:59 PM

Ok, so this interview is possibly the best thing to happen to me today. And will probably sit at the number one spot all week.

But the dinner table scenario from becks, lordhelmet, Skitz, et al plus the rumbling Sofía bush have made this comment thread a dream come true. Pajiba's exactly like the good kind of dysfunctional family that I wish came to my holiday gatherings.

Sadly, my kind of holiday gatherings are the kind where I get hit on by my uncle's friend.

But hey, there's booze either way!

And a Happy Holidays to you Mr. Smith, you're welcome at my house any time!

Posted by: Kayanne at October 27, 2008 8:01 PM

*Phil cue me in Wild Horses* I strip...oh nipples are hard...FUCK ME...FUCK ME ...HARD!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 27, 2008 8:14 PM

Chasing Amy rocks. I saw it twice in the theater the week that it was released. I was already a Clerks fan, but Amy is what truly brought me into the Kevin Smith fold. (I think it was the Degrassi reference that really did the trick.) Years later I would see Dwight Ewell in a liquor store, but I didn't have the guts to express my white-boy adoration for Hooper X.

Having rewatched it within the past couple months and having rewatched Cronenberg's remake of The Fly recently as well, I was struck with a new thought. Holden's terrifyingly bad rationale at the climax of the film never fails to make me cringe and for good reason, although when I first saw the film, I was still a virgin and couldn't fully relate to it. Later, I would be able to relate better to the inadequacy syndrome. Later still, I'd realize that Holden is a complete idiot. Now, I've made the analogy that Holden's logic is not unlike the tragic logic of Seth Brundle (Brundlefly by that point) - throwing Brundlefly, Veronica, and the unborn baby into the telepod machine to create a single organism makes about as much sense as a viable solution as does putting Holden, Banky, and Alyssa into bed together.

Both are sobering lessons - one deadly, devastating, and gross and the other universally relatable and bittersweet.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 27, 2008 8:15 PM

I've been so freaking busy that I've rarely done more than glance at Pajiba over the past two months, but when I saw Smith's picture, I came to a screeching halt. And it was totally worth it. Great interview.

Posted by: Louise at October 27, 2008 8:21 PM

Silent Bob is my hetero-life mate.
But his creepy cousin Peter Jackson is just weird.

Posted by: Sushi at October 27, 2008 8:25 PM

We've been bitchin' about "oscar bait" characterizations,... you wanna see "real" people?

Take a look at any of Mr. Smith's films.

those are REAL PEOPLE, I grew up with assholes like that.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 27, 2008 8:38 PM

Oh. My. God. If I ever see RDJ in a Kevin Smith movie, I will cream my pants.

Actually... just the thought of it...

*excuses self to go change panties...

Posted by: Alexandra at October 27, 2008 8:42 PM

Well this interview means I need new friends and maybe a new wife. None of my friends or my other half gets Mr. Smith, and I am going to have to pull a "porno" move by seeing Zack and Miri alone.

This interview and the comment section is why I rave about this group to all I encounter. It is a rare thing for a right-leaning conservative to be tolerated. I appreciate and admire you all, and cannot wait until my own kids are old enough to read this. Who knows, maybe they will learn something about grammar too.

Posted by: richmac at October 27, 2008 8:42 PM

I'm never "finished", Admin11... However, I am quite capable of participating in a food fight slash toga party at the same time.

Happy Halloween, Kayanne!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at October 27, 2008 8:47 PM

Sofia if you want to still have a bush to keep rumbling I'd advise keeping Skitz and his shampoo far, far away. Admin11, I've got my toga, and with due apologies to Sarina, I brought pies! What's a food fight without a good old-fashioned pie in the kisser (or in the pants)? Meaux, grab your finest Canadian booze and let's get this thing started, raucous, drunken Canuck-style! And truly, Frau von Beaverplatz, you truly are gifted at multitasking!

Koan of the day: If a pie atheist gets hit in the face with a pie, does it make a mess?

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 8:50 PM

Yeah fuck being in the Cancerville Clinic all day and not being able to comment until now.

This interview is k-rad. I've always thought pretty highly of Kevin Smith as a person. His films maybe not so much my thing, but every interview with him or piece he's written that I read I like him more and more. He's pants.

So when we finally get the fabled PajibaCon off the ground, I vote for Kevin Smith as Most Honored Guest Who Will Drink and Shoot the Shit With Us.

Posted by: Alabamapink at October 27, 2008 8:57 PM

Say 'bama, have they isolated that goddam cancer sumanabeeyatch yet so's I can come over and curb stomp it with my new hee... er, my new boots?

HA! Thought I was gonna say heels, huh? HA! Yeah, that was just a joke. Am I right? HA!

[...keep cool, Skittypie... nobody knows, nobody even suspects - and even if they did, a cancer curb-stomp in a heel is just as good as a boot, right? Don't let them judge...I'm thinking out loud again, aren't I? FUCK!...]]

Posted by: Skitz at October 27, 2008 9:12 PM

Heh, he said Skittypie...I'm filling out the name change forms as we speak, Skitz, er, Skittypie!

Posted by: lordhelmet at October 27, 2008 9:21 PM

Hells yeah to the above interview and congrats everyone for being able to orgasm so freely. No seriously, well done all! Finally all that geeky behaviour is paying off where it counts, namely IN THE PANTS! I guess all that F5-ing has made us self-stimulating Wunderkinder.

But I've reserved my utmost props for the Chilean chick with the awesome rack, I
seriously hope that shit is on your resume Sofia because if anything is going to seal the deal with the Kevin Smiths of this world, that and a rumbling bush are it!

May I suggest a screenplay entitled "Rumble in the Chilean Jungle". A heart warming coming of age tale featuring a hairy hottie, a handfull of deformed dwarfs and maybe a rodent of some kind.

In the blue corner, wearing no trunks...

Posted by: Pants at October 27, 2008 9:34 PM

The Party's at Sofia's house. You'll know your there when the rumbling starts.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 27, 2008 7:59 PM

Sofia's bush gets a remarkable number of mentions on this site...but it is called Pajiba so I shouldn't be too surprised.

I would also venture to guess the rumbling will be a backdrop to some pretty good music. Sofia made some band recommendations in another thread, and it just so happened that an album by Zero 7 ("The Garden") -- whom I had never knowingly heard before -- was part of the available catalog on a flight I was on last week. It was a loooong flight (across the Pacific), and listening to that album 5 or 6 times made the going a whole lot easier. There's one song in particular ("Today") that I just fell in love with, and the idea of it blaring from a house party with an undercurrent of bush-rumbling seems the like perfect tone for PajibaCon...

Posted by: Che Grovera at October 27, 2008 9:40 PM

If Kevin Smith really reads the comments in Pajiba... then I am with the hopeful soul above who shouts (via type, but shouts nonetheless) "Pick me! Pick me!"

Because, Mr. Smith, what you really need to round out your movies is the perspective of a loud, foul-mouthed, out-of-work paleographer. Honestly, everyone in New Jersey wants the paleographers to work with them.

Woo, and possibly even hoo.

Posted by: Jan at October 27, 2008 10:09 PM

If I speak of the rumble in my jungle (or "special valley" when I've done maintenance) it's because of Kevin Smith, so really, how could I NOT mention my doorway to life on this thread?

It goes without saying that if I ever hear the term "steak with a moustache" come out of one of Smith's characters lips I'll consider my journey to self-realization completed.

Posted by: Sofía at October 27, 2008 10:11 PM

Jesus, I'm a little late, but this just made my day. Somehow this interview made me gain respect for both Smith and Pajiba. One question though: what are the chances that Smith actually, really read the Pajiba review of Clerks II?

Posted by: the_wakeful at October 27, 2008 10:52 PM

I shouldn't have eaten that second cheeseburger.

My heart just stopped.

Numb arm...numb arm...narm...NARM!

Posted by: Audiosuede at October 27, 2008 11:00 PM

Wow, what an unsanitary little love-mess this has become.

I wouldn't know any of Smith's films from Adam (I have a firmly established history of not having seen anything), but he harbours an inexplicable love for my birthplace and home for the first 23 years of my life: Kitchener, Ontario.


I call it 'Canada's Sorrow', but if he loves it so damn much, maybe I can look past the urban decay and into the 'Crack HOME' from within.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at October 27, 2008 11:37 PM

So when we finally get the fabled PajibaCon off the ground, I vote for Kevin Smith as Most Honored Guest Who Will Drink and Shoot the Shit With Us.

Alabama I don't belive he drinks. He will however be your Honored Guest Who Will Smoke the Medicinal and Shoot the Shit With Us in the fat man's equivalent of a nano-second (about 3 wheezing minutes)

Posted by: Brian at October 27, 2008 11:44 PM


Kevin Smith is NOT worth this slobbering, nose-so-far-up-his-ass-it-can-smell-the-stomach-acid praise. He's a talentless, fat hack. Isn't this website subtitled "scathing reviews for bitchy people?" What's so great about Mallrats? Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back? Clerks 2? Or any of his films for that matter? "His characters talk like us?" Come the fuck on. The dude got a lucky break with Clerks and he keeps blowing people to get money for more of the same tired, hackneyed crap. I'm sure all of you fanboys will clap and love Zach & Miri no matter how uninspiredly lame it really is (Wow, Smith came up with a porn version of Star Wars for his latest? How fucking brillant! I bet no one's ever thought of THAT before.). But you'll know...deep down you'll know the reality.

I sob for you, pajibans. You might as well line-up the next interview with Brett Ratner or Michael Bay while you're hitting up the "best of the best."

And you sad sacks begging him for a job: Grow a set and make your own damn films. Hell, if fat boy can do it (and somehow make himself a "respectable" name with hanging around with a know heroin addict), then I'm sure you're shitty script's got a hope as well.

Posted by: B-Unit at October 28, 2008 12:17 AM

FUCKIN'- A. I didn't know Pajiba was interviewing Ratner & Bay. God dammit Dustin you are on a roll. Do you think they might give me a job?

You really need to hook me up with some of these connections you have so I can finally sell my script. I've had my nose up Kevin Smith's ass for a week and it hasn't gotten me anywhere (it does smell like wildflowers though).

Do you think that if I hung around with crack whores it would help my chances? It couldn't hurt though right? Right?

My god! Ratner & Bay. Squeeeeeeeeee!

Posted by: Admin11 at October 28, 2008 12:46 AM

Oh, I'm all smiles!!! Loved all his stuff. This is just a boon.

Yes, I loved Jersey Girl too and Chasing Amy made me appreciate American Cinema for the first time. Till that point, as I grew up in Japan, everything that came from the States meant big fucking fireworks up my cerebral ass - a cultural carpet bomb that numb you to submission. Good thing I crossed the pacific ocean and reached the other side of the culture.

Thank you for being the saving grace!

Posted by: Yocean at October 28, 2008 1:16 AM

Wow, that conversation above is just like the family dinners I used to have. Minus the masturbation. And add shaving Grandpa's head when he passed out.

Love the interview, as well.

Posted by: bakers_dozen at October 28, 2008 1:28 AM

Damn, B-Unit. Way to take the Pajiba mission statement extreme. I admit that some of the drooling over individuals of dubious objective merit around here can make it kind of sloppy at times, but what the hell? You could have made that point without comparing Smith to Bay or Ratner -- you lost me there.

I'm equal parts curious and aghast over the description by bakers_dozen of his/her family dinners. I suppose it makes a difference if you were the protagonist of, or merely witness to, the masturbation in question. Oh dear Lord, I hadn't even considered the possibility of multiple onanists until I just wrote this. I can't continue. I have to go find some mental disinfectant.

Posted by: Che Grovera at October 28, 2008 3:38 AM

What a bunch of self-satisfied smug lick-arses.

Posted by: awisepersononcesaid at October 28, 2008 5:00 AM

Dear Bidet Unit,

You're absolutely right, and I apologize for constantly forgetting the site's tagline. I definitely shouldn't like certain movies or filmmakers. That would mean hanging out at a review site constantly, and let's face it, the only reason we come here is to bitch. And no, Smith doesn't talk like us. If you re-read some of the old comment threads you'll realize we sound more like Nick Cassavetes circa "Alpha Dog."

Once again, sorry Bidet Unit. Thank you for showing me the light.

Posted by: Sofía at October 28, 2008 6:42 AM

AH!, so it wasn't a dream.

And Bidet Unit: STFU

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2008 7:24 AM

damn this time difference!!!!!!
I'm always late to the party
(well hopefully there will be a little more forewarning if PajibaCon should really come about)

but yeah anyway, I'm also a huge Kevin Smith fan
and I think An Evening with Kevin Smith I&II is the tits

that was all

Posted by: tris at October 28, 2008 7:38 AM

Is it just me or does he look like RDJ's goofy brother in the title pic?

Nice interview, it just confirms what I've always suspected of him. Honest and easy-going, and damn well aware of his blessings. Rowles, you're getting more AV Club rival worthy every day.

Posted by: Adere at October 28, 2008 10:14 AM

Aw, B.Silm, that hurts. Usually you are so on my wavelength. What with a name like that, clipped straight from Futurama and all. I'm on your side, bro.

But my point is, save this over-the-top praise for a deserving filmmaker. You may have a soft spot for Chasing Amy or Clerks or whatever, but Kevin Smith is no genius. In fact, he's barely a director at all (see Dogma and Jersey Girl - two movies that fell way short of the emotional punch they could have had under firmer hands). I don't care how laid back or down to earth he seems, what I care about is his output - and that is hit or miss at best. Him seeming normal(ish) or not, you are all as close to Smith as you may be to Clint Eastwood or Christopher Nolan. Aim higher, pajibans. Please.

Posted by: B-Unit at October 28, 2008 10:36 AM

"You might as well line-up the next interview with Brett Ratner or Michael Bay while you're hitting up the "best of the best.""

Hey gang! Michael Bay here! HECK YES! You want to be a real entertainment forum, you can't leave out "The Bayster". The only person I can't stress enough that you leave out is that pecker Perry. Here I am, Pajobians! ASK AWAY!

Michael Bay, signing off!

Posted by: Michael Bay at October 28, 2008 10:49 AM

Does Kevin Smith make films that highlight the plight of the black community? Does Kevin Smith show the redemptive power of God in his movies? Does Kevin Smith make movies which emphasize the need for a strong moral center in a family? Did Mr. High-n-Mighty Kevin Smith ever *once* put on a fat suit?

I didn't think so. Call me when you're ready to talk to a real director. I'll be down here, counting all my money.

Posted by: Tyler Perry at October 28, 2008 11:06 AM

Kevin Smith totally went method on the whole fat suit thing Mr. Perry, that's commitment.

Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 11:32 AM

I'm still mad at Kevin Smith for breaking up Joey and Catlin on Degrassi: TNG.

Posted by: crimpop at October 28, 2008 12:09 PM


True Kevin Smith story: When I was in college, this guy who I wasn't into at all was super-interested in me (ie: found my address and sent me love songs and shit anonymously) and finally tried to get me to date him by going to a film festival a few hours away and waiting to get Kevin Smith to autograph a copy a Clerks for me for my birthday (because I said once that I loved Clerks). I barely knew the guy. I didn't go out with him and now I have a copy of Clerks that says Happy Birthday Melissa - Kevin Smith. And it rules and you are jealous. (Thanks Kevin!)

To me, this story is the essence of Pajiba.

Posted by: TWoP Fan at October 28, 2008 12:28 PM

But my point is, save this over-the-top praise for a deserving filmmaker.
Him seeming normal(ish) or not, you are all as close to Smith as you may be to Clint Eastwood or Christopher Nolan. Aim higher, pajibans. Please.

So, you are saying that we shouln't view directors as actual people with personalities and feelings, but as virtual emotionless demigods whose works determine the appropriate level of worship. And we shouldn't find some form of connection with them or their work.

I would kinda like to know if Eastwood was laid back, or what Nolan does for fun. Unfortunately, they aren't as available to their fans as Smith makes himself. He actually, genuinely, gives a flying fuck about what his audience thinks. Forgive me, but I like that in a director.

And if you would take a moment and read again, the first person who would say Kevin Smith is a bad director would be FUCKING KEVIN SMITH.

If you don't like him fine. Nobody says you have to. I just want to ask: considering you are so far THE ONLY PERSON in this comment area who seems to have a problem with the interview (Pookie doesn't count since that is just what he does), could it be that you are in the wrong place, Kemosabe?

And invoking the sacred name of Futurama to justify your ridiculousness? FOR SHAME!

Posted by: Vermillion at October 28, 2008 1:31 PM

Alright Vermillion, we don't kick people out of Pajibaland for being asshats. We love those people for allowing us to go on 5 paragraph, hilarious, angry rants that will most likely be read and chuckled at by Kevin Smith.

Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 1:41 PM

Is this movie going to have boobs in it?

[...y'see that? That's how you post classishly...]

Posted by: Skitz at October 28, 2008 2:44 PM

Vermillion at best you are a hall monitor, you're the fucking teacher's pet. Just because some poor guy ain't inclined to shine Rowles's sack doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to take a dump all over Rowles' s boring fucking interview. See V, the one and only purpose of this site is for bitchy people to make bitchy comments about bitchy movie reviews. Oh by the way, FUCK k.smith.

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2008 3:17 PM

Ah, Vermillion, I may be the only one to rag on Smith, but that's likely due to the fact that his detractors probably couldn't stomach listening to what he has to say and skipped the whole damn thing in the first place.

My problem isn't in his accessibility, it's the filmmaking ability. And if Smith's the first one to say he himself is a bad director, then why all the fawning praise by the other posts here? Why give him any praise? For simply trying? Well, then, hooray for Kevin Smith! He's trying! Yea!

Smith's only care for his fans are to keep these fan-boys happy so he can keep making cash (which is what everyone in the biz does to some degree, I know), but he begs for the attention and spotlight - case in point the "Evening with Kevin Smith" DVDs. You really need/want 3 DVDs to understand and get inside the head of an admittedly bad director?

Lastly, I wasn't forsaking the sacred name of Futurama. I would never do so. I was simply trying to let B.Slim know I'm down with him (normally) even if he's telling me to shut my pie-hole.

Posted by: B-Unit at October 28, 2008 3:18 PM

Thank you, Pookie. You understand, even if the rest are too tied up in the group grope to try to comprehend.

Posted by: B-Unit at October 28, 2008 3:21 PM

Vermillion at best you are a hall monitor, you're the fucking teacher's pet.

Case in point. Same old, same old.

Ah, Vermillion, I may be the only one to rag on Smith, but that's likely due to the fact that his detractors probably couldn't stomach listening to what he has to say and skipped the whole damn thing in the first place.

And yet you felt compelled to join in. How fortunate.

My problem isn't in his accessibility, it's the filmmaking ability.

Which is fine, except you took issue with that as well. If you don't like his films, fine. Some folks do. And they want to hear from him. Why is it so offensive to YOU that they do? Is someone forcing you to read it?

I don't care if folks want to fawn all over the guy or curse his name. That is their deal. But this "these folks don't get it; he sucks!" kind of posting is ridiculous. It isn't bitchy, it isn't scathing. It is stupid. it is IMDb message board antics.

I don't go bitching and moaning on articles where people liked something I didn't. If I hold no interest in the topic at hand, I don't bother. So it is mystifying to me why folks do that. It is more than often futile and makes the "rebel" look like a meddling douche.

Posted by: Vermillion at October 28, 2008 5:06 PM

My problem lies in the fact that I thought the people in this little (apparently closed) family known as "pajiba" were smarter than to praise a bad director. I thought wrong.

And Vermillion, you read posts on the IMDb? How sad for you.

Posted by: B-Unit at October 28, 2008 5:14 PM

"...I thought the people in this little (apparently closed) family known as "pajiba" were smarter than to praise a bad director...."

I don't care, I don't go around thinking I'm smart, but I WILL praise him because I have enjoyed/enjoy and will keep on enjoying the man's work. He has brought immense amount of fun to me and my friends. I love his movies and the whole ViewAskew verse.

So there..naganooch.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2008 5:37 PM

"I don't care if folks want to fawn all over the guy or curse his name."

Well then what the fuck is the problem?

V you can dismiss me all you want to, but that doesn't change the fact that you want to break some poor guy's balls all because he didn't get on board of the k. smith love train. V I'm curious, when will you complete your long awaited script, are you still scouting locations?

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2008 5:41 PM

Holy shit, shut up B-Unit. Just because you don't like Kevin Smith and a bunch of people on here do doesn't mean they aren't smart. It is a matter of opinion.

Plus, people on here like Kevin Smith because they really get him and conversely he really gets them. That's obvious from the fact that he made time to do the interview in the first place. You don't get him. Leave it at that.

There's no shame in it but there's definitely no pride in it either.

Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 5:41 PM

Pookie, somehow you manage to do mean without even a hint of douchebag. You need to take notes B-Unit.

Posted by: becks at October 28, 2008 5:44 PM

Becks, that's because I'm evolving.

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2008 5:49 PM

Well then what the fuck is the problem?

Well, since you had to butt in instead of spouting off another non-sequitur from your stereotype-laden bag (like "hoes need to know their place") that folks here seem to be amused by, this is the problem:

I don't care, I don't go around thinking I'm smart, but I WILL praise him because I have enjoyed/enjoy and will keep on enjoying the man's work. He has brought immense amount of fun to me and my friends. I love his movies and the whole ViewAskew verse.

And isn't that what 99% of the folks are saying here?

So why, every single FUCKING GODDAMN TIME that Pajiba does a fanboyish post, or a post that isn't out and out crass and negative, or any kind of post that tries to appeal to the majority of the readers here (like that God-forsaken 20 Seasons debacle) and a good number of people react well to it, does someone have to come in and dump on it? Last time I checked, "scathing and bitchy" didn't mean "free license to be a pest or an unrepentant asshole".

I don't care if he like Smith or not, why is the exact reason I don't want to hear his complaining. Because I don't CARE. All I want to do is read about the guy. I think he is interesting and likable. So why would I ever want to hear someone petulantly post about how THEY don't like this and that?

Sorry, I got enough in my goddamn day to piss me off where I don't have need of some random dude going "This sucks!" while I am trying to enjoy some entertainment.

V I'm curious, when will you complete your long awaited script, are you still scouting locations?

Really? That is all you got? An unfinished script joke? Did you do it in a high-pitched effeminate baby's voice, too?

Posted by: Vermillion at October 28, 2008 6:53 PM


Just give it a little time, Vermillion - eventually, Pajiba will interview Madea Perry and Pooks will wonder why he's the only guy commenting.

As for you, B-Unit - well you're just a bit of a twat. Then again, twats are like opinions - every asshole has... wait. Opinions are assholes - even twats have... dammit! Asshole opinions are for twats? Is that right?

Posted by: Skitz at October 28, 2008 7:12 PM

"Well, since you had to butt in instead of spouting off another non-sequitur from your stereotype-laden bag (like "hoes need to know their place") that folks here seem to be amused by, this is the problem."

I butt in because that's the point of having a fucking comment section.

"He has brought an IMMENSE amount of fun to me and my friends."

Dude, I mean really. Maybe if you and your friends would put down Warcraft and go out and get an IMMENSE amount of pussy, maybe that would cure your k.smith man-crush. V, I do not like fighting with you, I think you have so much to offer. You are a very creative person, and I'm sorry for the script joke it was in bad taste. Believe it or not but sometimes when I'm stuck in a bad situation I say to myself "WWVD." if I've offended you in any way I apologize. And as far as Skits goes, he's nothing but a man-cunt.

Posted by: Pookie at October 28, 2008 8:59 PM

Sigh. There's nothing quite as inspiring as people who decide to be antagonistic just to get attention from others. The best way to deal with it, of course, is to completely ignore these individuals. As much as you might want to respond with wit and intelligence, these kinds of responses will go right over their heads. It's a pointless back and forth that only serves the needs of the asshole who started it in the first place.

Just my two cents. Back to lurking for me!

Posted by: Bethany at October 28, 2008 11:26 PM

'sniff,...sniff' can't we just all get along?

Nah fuck that! I love you guys.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 29, 2008 12:10 AM

Yeah, I'd really tell off the Kevin Smith fanatics here like they've never experienced before, but I've gotta go over to Free Republic and tell them what a bunch of morons they are for supporting John McCain, then it's on to the Huffington Post to ask those libtard douchebags why they hate America, then over to Martha Stewart's site to tell all those bitches how stupid they are for daring to make a Christmas wreath out of pine cones. Pine cones! And they call themselves "crafters." They make me want to vomit.

Ta for now, suckers!

Posted by: Slash at October 29, 2008 12:57 AM

A munt?

Posted by: Skitz at October 29, 2008 10:42 AM

"Plus, people on here like Kevin Smith because they really get him and conversely he really gets them. That's obvious from the fact that he made time to do the interview in the first place. You don't get him. Leave it at that."

My number one issue with the guy and his fan base - if you don't like him, you just don't get him. Wow. What an easy way to deflect criticism or questioning of your work. Smith himself emphasizes "getting" him in the interview. I don't think Smith is untalented, but I do think the hype around him is in part a cult of personality around a self-identified slacker. I don't doubt or dispute his appeal, but I do think his appeal is very parochial.

Posted by: samantha t at October 29, 2008 11:34 AM

Butt Unit said:
My problem lies in the fact that I thought the people in these little (apparently closed) family known as "pajiba" were smarter than to praise a bad director. I thought wrong.

It is INFURIATING how this fucking little annoying nagging little bitches always immediately attack Pajiba as a closed community the second they get called out on something.
Hey you FUCKTARD, is it possible that the few fucking people that tell you they are (reasonably) annoyed for you raining on their parade don't make up or decide who is a part of the Pajiba family? Fuck that. I decide now. You're out bitch.

Posted by: jamiepants at October 29, 2008 11:28 PM

Hmm. I edited it while previewing so that it said "these little annoying bitches" instead of "this" but apparantly it didn't take. So...
*I meant "these".

Posted by: jamiepants at October 29, 2008 11:30 PM

I know the adoring fanbase will hate me, but I just read Celebitchy and they have a post about Kevin Smith calling himself a porker and being very ashamed about his recent weight gain. I feel almost bad for him really...and he looks okay in this picture but not on the ones I saw on CB. Ah well!

Posted by: ph at October 30, 2008 7:01 PM

He once started a weight-loss regimen and he even blogged about it for a while. IIRC he had to, 'cause his health was at risk at the time then, I think Jersey Girl happened...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 30, 2008 7:19 PM

J-pants, I find it odd that you say this isn't a closed community, yet the two people who immediately jumped on me were B.Slim and V - who, from what I've seen - lurk on this website constantly to add their opinions, as if they rule here.

And, boo-hoo, I'm raining on your parade. I called you Smith lovers out, and then I'm attacked for not loving what you all apparently love. Rather than defending Smith, which no one seems capable here of doing, you attack the messenger. Fine. Enjoy the group grope.

Posted by: B-Unit at October 31, 2008 11:51 AM

People didn't really have a problem with your opinion B-Unit, just the fact that you chose to express it in such a douchey way.

Posted by: becks at October 31, 2008 12:04 PM

Wow, dude just let it go, after initially telling you to STFU (which I hope you didn't take seriously you know this is just some virtual forum, riiight?) I went on to explain why *I* like him and I didn't attack you at all. I hope you ain't expecting more 'cause you ain't gettin' it. Honestly your feelings matter as much to me as the load I dropped this morning.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 31, 2008 1:36 PM

"bro-mantic comedy"

I might not be particularly fond of this genre (in the sense that I'm neither ever really excited or care for any of these types...), but I do like this name for it. Well done, again, Mr. Smith.

Posted by: kiyo-chan at November 1, 2008 12:35 AM

Good interview, nice job all around.

Posted by: Stew at November 2, 2008 6:44 AM

I love this article. I have been a Kevin Smith fan for nearly all my life- catching Clerks shortly after it came out and I really had no idea what it was about other than it was kinda naughty. Apatow really does owe everything to Smith. And I would hazard a guess that if asked who some of my favorite directors are I would mention Smith in the top 3 and Apatow wouldnt even make the top ten.

Posted by: Liz at November 3, 2008 2:58 AM

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