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Seriously, What the Hell Is Going On with This Picture of Barron Trump?

By Dustin Rowles | Horror | March 17, 2017 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Horror | March 17, 2017 |


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Yesterday, our old pal Skittimus Maximus posted the above photo in taking issue with Donald Trump’s desires to remove Meals on Wheels — here’s a billionaire who eats on gold plate killing funding for meals for old people. Fuck him, right?

Aside from how enraging that is, it’s an otherwise innocuous photo of the Trump family? Or is it? Look very closely at Barron’s behind. What the hell is going on there? As another old friend of ours, Mike Roorda, suggested, “There’s totally some adult human hands coming from under the table holding Barron in his seat on the front left.”

There is, isn’t there?

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WHAT THE FUCK?

Is that a hand? Or a foot? Or a cushion? That’s the question the Pajiba staff has been debating for literally the last half hour. We still don’t know, but the conversation went something like this:

Steven: I can kind of see it, but it really just looks like a brown felt cushion he’s sitting on…

Bekka: If that’s a brown felt cushion I will eat my Jaws shoes.

TK: It’s either a hand from under the table, or he’s kneeling in the chair and that is his foot.

Genevienve: Every time I look at it I see something different. “Oh yeah, that’s just a really unfortunately colored cushion, but funny!” clicks back “OK, maybe it IS Barron’s foot?” Clicks back “Was he twitchy and someone needed to hold him on the chair?” Clicks back. “Definitely a cushion. Probably.”

Bekka: Anyone who sees a cushion is obviously a much better person than I am. Because in my heart of hearts, he gets carried around in one of those royal wagons with screens to yell at people in NYC.

TK: I will shit in Seth’s hat if that’s a cushion.

Victoria: I’m late to the party but that looks like it might be Barron’s butt. Like maybe he’s wearing those tiny shorts that noble children wear before they’re allowed to have pants.

TK: WHAT

No really Victoria, WHAT

Dustin: His butt?

Victoria: Or like his upper thigh

TK: Now we have descended into madness.

Victoria: That part of fabric that looks like a sleeve cuff might actually be some right boy high socks

TK: HIS. BUTT.

Victoria: I DON’T KNOW MAN, IT’S BETTER THAN A HAND

TK: Barron butt. I’m having trouble keeping it together. I need to step away or else I will be laughcrying at my desk.

HOLD PLEASE

IS IT VICTORIA? IS IT BETTER THAN A HAND?

Victoria: YES

which would you prefer

TK: NEITHER

Victoria: 1) the butt of a small boy

2) AN ADULT HAND HOLDING THE BUTT OF A SMALL BOY

TK: THIS IS SOME SOPHIE’S CHOICE SHIT

Genevieve: That is not a small boy’s butt, it’s not even in the right PLACE to be a small boy’s butt. You can tell his back is at an angle to the chair, he’s not sitting straight up.

TK: Thank you, Genny.

Bekka: THIS IS THE GREAT BLUE AND BLACK DRESS VS. WHITE AND GOLD DRESS DEABTE OF OUR TIME

TK: We need a full CSI team, like, immediately.

WHERE CARUSO AT

Guys I had drinks with lunch

Victoria: WELL IT’S NOT A PILLOW I KNOW THAT MUCH

Seth: it’s clearly his foot. His toes are tucked under
y’all are fucking crazy

Bekka: You guys keep talking about boy butt and all I can think about how uncomfortable this conversation is making me now because this is all I can see

Seth: also, joke’s on you TK, my hat is already full of shit

…it’s been a rough morning

Victoria:
okay see this is what i was trying to get at

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like you know how tiny rich boys wear shorts and socks

TK: Uh huh. Still wondering where the butt comes in.

Victoria: I ALSO SAID UPPER THIGH

Bekka: Well, Kurt, when two people love each other very much…

TK: BUT YOU LED WITH BUTT

Seth: Still Wondering Where the Butt Comes In: The Story of TK’s Sexual Awakening

Victoria: in any case i am trying to argue that it might be HIS skin and not the skin of a mysterious adult man holding him in place

Bekka: With all that’s going on in this world, I really need it to be a mysterious man holding him

Victoria: see but i need it to be the opposite because that thought makes me uncomfortable

Bekka: It really bodes well for my Lannister/Trump fanfic

Victoria: it makes me feel bad for this tiny rich manhandled boy and i don’t want to feel that way

Seth: I mean, we can all agree, butt/foot/manservant aside, that we feel bad for this poor child, no?

TK: But a kid sitting at a gold table with his ass hanging out does NOT make you uncomfortable.

Bekka: CRYLAUGHING

Genevieve: Yeah, Barron doesn’t deserve any of what’s going on. I know the arguments about moving Melania to the White House but I’m also REALLY SYMPATHETIC to Barron not living there.

Victoria: not in an “i feel bad for this boy and the life he is being forced to lead” kinda way, no

Bekka: just so we’re all clear, both hills are horrible to die on?

TK; Oh absolutely

Bekka: We’re just choosing the lesser of two evils

SOUND FAMILIAR

TK: I kind of want to kidnap Barron, fantasy novel-style, and give him to some well-meaning peasant family to raise as their own.

Bekka: oh look, brunch bourbon

TK: So he can one day rise up and strike down his father.

I’ve put some thought into it.

Also, beers with my burrito lunch

Seth: You need to post this fanfic

Bekka: TK, you’ve chosen a family for Barron already, haven’t you?

Seth: Oh, he DEFINITELY has

They raise chickens, right?

Bekka: there are some wiiiiiiiiiide open spaces up here in the hinterlands….

only an hour from the Canuck border

I’ve got swords and armor, I can teach him

I’m 34, I could believably be his mother

Seth: he said peasant family. so you gotta live a peasant life. i mean, i assume you already shit outside so you’re probably halfway there?

Bekka:
What do I look like? A Romanov? Of COURSE I shit outside

What kind of bourgeois broad do you take me for?!

TK: Guys I think Barron might be the chosen one.

Bekka: Airbender?

TK: He’s the next Skywalker.

Or possibly the Beastmaster.

You tell me Supp, you’re his adopted mother.

Bekka: He’s a wizard, Harry

Seth: Barron Trump of House Supp, Youngest of the Orange, King of the Hinterlands

TK: Cut, print.


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