Secret Shames | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

Guides | August 2, 2007 | Comments (602)

There’s something that rings awfully false to me about the guilty pleasure classification. Over the years, it’s lost all its meaning. Now, people brag about their guilty pleasures. Movies like Showgirls, Wild Things, Starship Troopers, Roadhouse, Cruel Intentions and their ilk have gained a sort of cult-like status as “guilty pleasures” that many of us are proud to admit a fondness for. Who doesn’t love Deep Blue Sea or Varsity Blues? Or the Final Destination series? Hell, I don’t know when it happened (though I’m guessing Eszterhas and Klosterman had something to do with it), but the “guilty” part of “guilty pleasures” has completely lost its teeth. Wikipedia, in fact, defines guilty pleasures as “a phrase used in the UK and US to denote things (e.g. pop music, novels, films, television shows, books, food) that one really likes but often finds too embarrassing to admit to.” But who the hell is embarrassed to admit to them anymore? Over at Time Magazine, for instance, there is a critic who counts There’s Something about Mary, Diabolique and Gone with the Wind among his guilty pleasures — there’s no shame in those choices, except for the guilt you should feel for enjoying the blatant racism of Wind. On Cinematical, Christopher Campbell includes A Prairie Home Companion and MI:3 among his top 10 guilty pleasures of 2006. Where’s the guilt in that? Guilt should work on a relative scale. If a large number of folks can agree on a guilty pleasure, there can no longer be any guilt in enjoying it. It’s simply a mainstream pleasure — there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, right?

We here at Pajiba like to think of ourselves as discerning, intelligent viewers (“pedantic” or “pretentious” to some of you), but we’re not always above lowbrow fare. We have our weaknesses, too. So, with today’s Guide, we here at Pajiba want to bring back guilty pleasures in their truest sense by introducing you to flicks we’re actually embarrassed to admit to. These aren’t guilty pleasures, these are our Secret Shames: Films that, were it not for this Guide, we’d never admit to liking in public. Movies that we are legitimately ashamed of enjoying. Admissions that might knock us down a few points in our readers’ estimation.

Of course, we’re not doing this alone. This Guide’s comment section has an incentive. There will be a “prize package” (as the radio DJs like to say) awarded to the person who makes, and properly defends his or her love of, the most embarrassing admission. To that person, we’re giving away one free Pajiba T-shirt (you can choose from the many over at One Horse Shy), and the cool kids over at Fabulous Stationery, who are allegedly big Pajiba fans, are also awarding a $50 gift certificate you can use to purchase very cool personalized cards, notes, and stationery over at FabulousStationery.com. But, before we get to yours, here are the staff’s secret shames. Do feel free to mock us.

Elmopalooza (1998) — When people give me crap about liking this film, I generally point to the ubercool appearances by hip celebrity guest stars Gloria Estefan, The Fugees, Kenny Loggins, Cindy Crawford, Rosie O’Donnell, Tyra Banks, and Chris Rock. Er .. Actually, I only mention the presence of Jon Stewart because the rest of them are just as shame-inducing as the film. In Elmopalooza, Jon hosts a special at Radio City Music Hall to celebrate 30 years of “Sesame Street,” but he and several crew members are trapped in the dressing room when the door gets stuck. While Jon tries to shovel his way out of the room to great comic effect, Elmo tries to step in as host, but things go wrong, and Elmo begins to wallow in his own self pity. When David Alan Grier sobs, “Elmo, don’t go,” I know in my heart that he really means it. Finally, Oscar the Grouch hatches a masterful plan to knock down the door, and everyone makes it onstage for the highly emotional finale. If you don’t get a little teary during the montage featuring “Rubber Duckie,” “C is for Cookie,” and “I Love Trash,” then I’m very sorry, but you have no soul. Yet what I really love about “Sesame Street” is the agelessness of its characters. During “Sesame Street,” I never have to explain that the real Yellow Wiggle may never return, and I don’t have to feel my mortality when the Blue and Purple Wiggles start sprouting grey hair. Most importantly, I can avoid the impending sense of doom associated with the psychotic gleam in the Red Wiggle’s eyes. Ah yes, it really is the little things that matter. — Agent Bedhead

First Knight (1995) — Wow. Well, how could I ever make a tenable case for liking First Knight, one of the worst takes on Arthurian legend to ever reach celluloid? First, Richard Gere plays Lancelot not as a Dark Age knight, but as an angsty vagabond straight out of a Diana Wynne Jones novel. Gere’s Lancelot (in true Costner fashion, he doesn’t even feign an accent) wanders around the countryside earning money via his convenient proficiency with a sword and proffering cryptic lines like “You must not care whether you live or die” to let us know he’s so tortured. Lance woos Guinevere, played by former hot tamale Julia Ormond, who finds his sorrowful bad-boy schlock unbearably hot, though she’s set to be married to Arthur (Sean Connery), who serves up witticisms like “There are laws that enslave men, and laws that set them free!” with something resembling dignity. The whole thing is a big, soppy, saccharine mess, and the props all look like tinfoil, but anytime the damn thing is on — a lazy afternoon offering from TBS, probably — I’ll watch it, start to finish. Perhaps it’s my geeky weakness for swordish adventure yarns; more than likely First Knight is just better at stupid wish-fulfillment entertainment than most of us want to admit. — Phillip Stephens

Hocus Pocus (1993) — Hocus Pocus is a finite family flick featuring vanilla teen angst and an inaccurate depiction of the Salem Witch Trials for the sake of you-can-go-pretty-low entertainment. We are introduced to teenybopper Max (Omri Katz), who is a Salem, Mass. newbie, his neurotic parents — played by Beverly D’Angelo and some guy that should have been Chevy Chase — as well as Max’s cute-as-a-button sister, Dani (Thora Birch). After inexpertly wooing the class hottie (Vinessa Shaw) with his transplanted Californian cool, Max remains skeptical of the Sanderson Sister legend that has held Salem in its thrall for centuries. He pish-poshes the idea that lighting any kind of candle, be it black or a poorly-crafted euphemism for impurity, will bring back a terrifying trio of witches. In pitiful plot propulsion, the suburban snot lights the candle and summons the town blight. Enter kooky witches and the reason why I love Hocus Pocus. Since the makers of this movie decided to side with scary Puritans and regurgitate a clichéd, misinformed version of the 1692 trials, it is appropriate that the witch characters are archetypes of “undesirable” women: a loudmouth leader, a fat follower, and a slut. Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker, clad in unforgivably commercial costumes, play sisters hellbent on remaining young and … somewhat attractive forever. In ill-advised Geisha makeup (seriously, what is going on with Bette’s lips in this movie?) and striped stockings, the tenured actresses sort of sidestep the pitfalls of poor writing and act their hearts out. Hocus Pocus may be silly, but it’s also worth watching if only to see Midler preen, Najimy bumble and Parker play. The film’s title track, “I Put A Spell On You,” is a favorite of mine and is performed during the movie by Bette Midler. Were I a professional wrestler or a witch, it would totally be my theme song. — Constances Howes

Home Alone (1990) — Sure, Home Alone features more dumb slapstick than a Jerry Lewis flick, more demands for suspension of disbelief than The Matrix, and more sentimentality than five Lifetime originals about cancer changing someone’s perspective. What can I say, I’m a sucker. For most people, It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story are probably the two most likely movies to be part of the holidays, but this one isn’t far behind for me. It might be the season itself, which is a time for indulging sentiment. It might be the soundtrack, which combines beautiful original work by the man who shares my name with some traditional seasonal numbers. It might be the presence of actors like John Candy, Catherine O’Hara, and Daniel Stern, whose talents do something to negate Macaulay Culkin’s worst mugging. But the blond little critter actually isn’t bad here — he’s even poignant in the church scene with his old-man neighbor. And despite how ridiculous the string of pratfalls becomes during the break-in scene, some of them are funny, and I always laugh out loud at Joe Pesci’s delivery of the line — “He’s not callin’ the cops — from a treehouse?!” Of course, I haven’t gone within a country mile of any of the sequels — there’s shame, and then there’s shame. — John Williams

Last Action Hero (1993) — This has the ingredients to be a solid flick. Trying to be a meta/irreverent send-up of both Hollywood and action flicks in general, it’s written by a guy who knows his way around action flicks, having penned Lethal Weapon and The Last Boy Scout. More importantly, it’s directed by John McTiernan, who is, of course, responsible for the best action film of all time. It not only stars Arnold Schwarzenegger in the peak of his action career, smack-dab between T2 and True Lies, but it features Sir Ian McKellen as Death himself. Yet, it’s not a good movie. I recognize this. The central plot device, a magic ticket passed down from Harry Houdini, is beyond ridiculous. The kid who enters into the fictional movie Jack Slater IV via this magic ticket is played by Austin O’Brien in what has to be one of the worst performances ever put on film. The dialogue is cheesy and overwrought, and the film fails at being either a true adrenaline action flick or a hilarious comedy. Despite myself, however, I can’t help but love this movie. It’s got some great unintentional comedy, best exemplified by Arnold’s attempt to act his way out of a wet paper bag when he tries to portray Jack Slater processing the realization that he’s actually a fictional character. But more than that, I truly enjoy much of its intentional ridiculousness — from the film-within-a-film’s over-the-top action (random explosions and bodies flying everywhere), to some of the meta-humor (like when it’s pointed out that F. Murray Abraham’s character shouldn’t be trusted because he killed Amadeus) to the wonderful trailer for Hamlet (I would so go see that movie!). Round it off with a kick-ass soundtrack, and what can I say? Despite my instincts, I unapologetically enjoy the hell out of this flick. —Seth Freilich

Nothing But Trouble (1993) — After having my first two choices thrown out for not being “shameful” enough, I picked a film that was so bad that it got me ridiculed by not only our fearless leader but also my mother (who is in no way a woman of discerning taste) — after stopping by and seeing the Netflix envelope on the coffee table, she declared it to be the worst movie she had ever seen in her life. Say what you will about Nothing But Trouble, but it’s got one helluva all-star cast: Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, John Candy in drag, Demi Moore and Taylor Negron. OK, scratch that last one. But if you’re still unimpressed, the entire film can be redeemed by a — wait for it — Digital Underground performance. Yes, the legendary hip-hop band not only appears but also performs in this film, and if you ask me, indelibly validates Tupac’s life and legacy. As for the actual plot, Chris and Diane (played by Chase and Moore) are a pair of uppity New Yorker types on their way to a meeting in Atlantic City (with Negron’s character and some other chick in tow) when they decide to take the scenic route and end up in a creepy town called “Valkenvania” which I’m guessing is supposed to be somewhere in Pennsylvania. After succumbing to a minor traffic violation, they’re taken by the local deputy type (Candy) to a bizarre estate and forced to stand trial before a psychopathic Judge, played by a penis-shaped prosthetic nose wearing Aykroyd. Hijinks ensue, Chase makes his usual round of dry humorless quips, and Moore befriends a pair of giant mutant diaper wearing babies named Bobo and L’il Debbull. Did I mention the penis nose? Fan-freaking-tastic. — Stacey Nosek

The Rock (1996) — The films forged in the unholy alliance of director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer aren’t so much movies as calculated assaults on your central nervous system, designed to erode your will until they can make you feel happy or excited or sad or whatever just by presenting the illusion of a story. These movies don’t have a narrative, but simply pile one scene after the other to trick your brain into thinking action is occurring, when really, you could rearrange half the scenes or just watch the trailer and get the same effect. But damn it all, I still like The Rock. I’m secretly pleased as hell that it inexplicably found its way into the Criterion Collection, because this is one balls-out awesome action movie. Yes, the dialogue is terrible — witness the terrible joy that is the prom queen scene, and the sheer stupidity of the “Rocket Man” exchange — but somehow the sight of Nicolas Cage screaming at Sean Connery is just too much fun as they trudge their way through the increasingly ludicrous action scenes and manage to take down rogue Marines, one of whom was played by the Candyman. There’s the sad sight of Michael Biehn cashing a check, wondering where the hell his life went after The Terminator, and the even sadder sight of Ed Harris, slumming it up in some genuine schlock. Sure, the plot is nonsense — Cage, Connery, and a small group of soldiers infiltrate Alcatraz, where Connery was formerly interred, to stop Harris from blowing up the country — and Bay’s direction is sloppy and manipulative. But it’s so damn fun that it’s crappiness is just part of its charm. To borrow a phrase from Cage: How in the name of Zeus’s butthole could I not enjoy it? — Daniel Carlson

Son in Law (1993) — It was a close call for me. I couldn’t decide which was more embarrassing to admit: A grown heterosexual man’s fondness for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (fuck you all) or a so-called critic’s immense affection for the 1993 Pauly Shore vehicle Son in Law. But, since the Tomatometer gives Sisterhood a 77 percent approval rating, I figure I’m not alone in my weakness for those super-magical Levis, which leaves The (fucking) Weasel, a.k.a., The Larry the Cable Guy of his day, one of those horrid personalities who fit somewhere between Carrot Top and Jim Varney in terms of sheer obnoxiousness. And no, my love for Son in Law does not have that much to do with Carla Gugino’s appearance in one of her first films (but, yeah: She was smoking, even with the pink hair). It is more about the comforts of the fish-out-of-water premise: A college resident advisor out in Southern California named Crawl (Shore) goes back home with his buuuuuuddy Rebecca Warner over the Thanksgiving Holiday. Rebecca, of course, is from rural America. (“Fresh off the farm, oh my God, I can’t believe it. Hallelujah. So you’re inbred?”) In order to get out of marrying her Midwestern fiancé, Rebecca pretends that she and Crawl are engaged. The expected hijinx ensue — Crawl milking a cow, slopping a pig, and making fun of the local inbreds, all the while falling in love with the simple folk. It’s formulaic as hell, it’s overpoweringly syrupy, and it stars fucking Pauly Shore. But, Shore doing John Denver’s “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” while riding around on a tractor is not to be missed (and that it’s not on YouTube is criminal). My advice: Go out and rent Son in Law and Encino Man, smoke a bowl, and tweak your nugs and munch on some grindage. I’ll shut up now. — Dustin Rowles

Sleeping with the Enemy (1991) — Send out the torch-lit lynch-mob. I can’t help liking this movie, or at least liking to watch it (is there a difference?). It’s appealed to me from the get-go, and I’ve seen it six times over the years — but I can’t bring myself to actually own it (a Julia Roberts film would probably make the rest of my DVD collection explode in protest, and God forbid anyone should see it on my shelves). I mean, there’s no justifying it, really. One could argue that it’s an early Roberts film, made just before she became the world’s most over-exposed “actress”; that Patrick Bergin’s abusive husband is a great screen villain; that the moment where he finds his supposedly drowned wife’s wedding ring in the plumbing is a real ooker; that the film indulges that fake-my-own-death-and-start-fresh impulse some of us have when things aren’t going so well; that Sleeping with the Enemy helped publicize the blight of marital abuse and marital rape; that I just want Patrick Bergin’s beach house, or Julia’s quaint little porch-house in Iowa. But I’m not sure all that wouldn’t just be whistling in the wind that whips up between my ears whenever I watch this beaut. Maybe its appeal lurks in its atmosphere — a browny warmy feel that pervades the film, even in the stark rooms of the Burneys’ modern home. Maybe it’s Ben, the World’s Best Boyfriend, a real-live Non-Threatening Boy with brown curls and access to a costume wardrobe. Maybe it’s all the kind strangers who reach hands out to limping Laura as she chin-ups her way back into society. Maybe it’s Roberts herself who, back in the ’90s, really did look to me like some ethereal femme (I’ve since lost my one-time girl-crush on her — tastes change, and bad ’90s hair detracts). I have no idea what it is about this movie, but it’s been a couple of years since my last view, and writing about it makes me want to rush out and rent it right now. God. Take me out back and shoot me. — Ranylt Richildis

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Comments

Money Pit. I can't help it. Tom Hanks in the hole in the floor singing the Name Game: "Let's try... Brad! Brad brad bo bad...."

Posted by: megbon at August 1, 2007 2:24 PM

I would have to go with 1943's Thank Your Lucky Stars. It's everything annoying (pointless singing and dancing, no plot, thin characters, crazy patriotism, etc.) about WWII-era musicals... multiplied. But that's what makes it so endearing, in my book - it's so far over-the-top and has so many cameos (including Bogie) and is so senseless and shiny-bright-happy that it trancends the musical to become some kind of crazy old-school Hollywood love fest.

Posted by: v. mulder-robie at August 1, 2007 2:30 PM

*Drive Me Crazy (the teenybooper movie with Melissa Joan Hart). Whenever it is on, I can't turn it off.
*Back to the Beach with Frankie Avalon and Annette. My cousins and I can quote that movie by heart.
*Girls Just Want to Have Fun
*Teen Witch

Posted by: jennyebnl at August 1, 2007 2:32 PM

Ok. *deep breath* My guilty pleasure that is truly guilty is the piece of crap movie Aspen Extreme. It's basically the movie Cocktail on skis and without Crazy Cruise. ***Spoiler*** (although I doubt anyone will care about a bad movie from 1993), when T.J dies...I cried. It was the first movie I ever cried at. I ask myself why all the time. My parents took me to thousands of movies, most of them great movies, but what touched my cold, cold heart the most was seeing Peter Berg dying. If this testimonial doesn't win me a t-shirt, I don't know what does.

Posted by: Melina at August 1, 2007 2:36 PM

Pump Up The Volume.
So cheesy.
Whatever, it's my cheese.

Posted by: the shane at August 1, 2007 2:37 PM

The Godfather

Posted by: Keelan at August 1, 2007 2:38 PM

Howard The Duck. That's right. I even had a copy on goddamn Betamax. I watched that movie over and over and over (it was only beaten by Neverending Story as most overplayed). I loved that fucking duck. I loved Lea Thompson in that horrendous hair. I loved the crappy music. I loved the cart with the frickin' laser cannon strapped to the top of it. I loved the sick, SICK I SAY, bestiality performed by the main characters, but only because when I first saw it, I did not know humans were not supposed to have sex with anthropomorphic ducks.

And if any of my family would tell me where that tape is, I would watch it again in a heartbeat.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 1, 2007 2:40 PM

My secret shame came at the cost of my dignity, mostly because my friends saw me coming out of the movie when I left the college second run theatre that it was in. During college, I was starting to slide into a seriously depressed state, with the stress of midterms, a recently ended relationship, strained parental relationship, and the fact that I hadn't found a job to replace the job I started college with, but ended about midway through that year. I was heartbroken and feeling super low. So what did I see when I was wandering out of a bar and past a theater. A little flick called "Crossroads". Being drunk, and having a shameful love of the crappy music of one Britney Spears, I shelled out the 9 bucks and saw it. And I left the theatre, feeling so much better about life, not just because there was a formulaic story and Zoe Saldana (with the bonus of Taryn Manning playing a white girl, which I still maintain is novel, and Anson Mount looking dreamy), but because I knew that I didn't make the movie, so I didn't have to bear the weight of that on my soul for all eternity. So I was feeling stressed again about the end of term (though I had found a job by that point again), and saw that it was in the second run, so I (this time sober) went on down and took the flick in again. I left with exactly the same feeling for exactly the same reasons, though my friends saw it happen and I had to explain the whole situation to them in order to keep them in lives. Now, I have a copy of it that I keep for those times when I feel depressed or overworked, because as far as I'm concerned, the only thing I need to feel better is "Crossroads".

God, I'm ashamed for me for being able to defend it.

Bonus fact: We have Shonda Rhimes of "Grey's Anatomy" fame to thank for this film.

Posted by: Ryan at August 1, 2007 2:42 PM

ok, some of these may be shameful, others might not, i dunno.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit: I wanted to be Jessica Rabbit! Big, red, and bouncy.

Mean Girls: no comment.

Conan The Barbarian: this is my ABSOLUTE favorite shameful movie. in fact, it is in my top 5 favorites, period. My reason: Arnold punches a camel out, not once, but TWICE! :) camel punching gets me every time.

Posted by: boo aka nexus 6 at August 1, 2007 2:45 PM

The Craft and

Universal Soldier

Posted by: melladior at August 1, 2007 2:45 PM

Sorority Boys. I know, it's awful, and the disguises aren't at all convincing. But Michael Rosenbaum's performance is hysterical and I crack up every time I watch it.

Off-topic I know, but a TV show I consider a huge guilty pleasure: Degrassi: The Next Generation. I want to hate that show so badly, but whenever I watch it, I'm laughing so hard I could pass out, yet I remain shamefully engrossed in the plot.

Second whoever says Teen Witch. Glorious 80's goodness. When she's strolling down the street as the popular girl w/ all the guys trailing her (rapping the theme song no less), I just wanna cheer.

Posted by: Brie at August 1, 2007 2:45 PM

The Mummy I and II--I actually hated the first one the first time I saw it on TNT, but now I find myself watching both films from start to finish whenever they're on TV. Which seems to be just about every other weekend.

Posted by: Adie at August 1, 2007 2:47 PM

Well, depending on your point of view, this may be a highly appropriate/inappropriate choice given a previous Pajiba posting, but I love Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. Love it. When it first came out on VHS, my sister and cousins and I would repeatedly rewind to watch and re-watch the ending musical number, with Lauryn Hill in all her baggy-yellow-pants glory. We would sing and dance along with Lauryn and her classmates, and desperately wish that we were inner-city school kids with attitude, baggy pants, crocheted hats, and hair extensions. It's on TBS fairly frequently now and I make my poor boyfriend suffer through it every time. *Bows head in shame*

Posted by: b at August 1, 2007 2:48 PM

By the way, Stacey - Nothing but Trouble?! For shame!!! That film scarred me in my youth. I actually feel a little nauseous thinking about it.

Posted by: b at August 1, 2007 2:51 PM

I liked Last Action Hero! Don't hate on Austin.

Posted by: Bianca Reagan at August 1, 2007 2:51 PM

Damn you megbon. Not only did you steal my movie but also my justifying scene. Perhaps it's really not all that shameful?

Posted by: jbrader at August 1, 2007 2:51 PM

Just about any old musical keeps me glued to the t.v., but I think my absolute guiltiest pleasure is "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." It's a true guilty pleasure; I feel deep shame admitting it and will only tell people I like it in situations like this, where I know I'll never see anyone here in person. I'm a feminist, after all, and actually cringe when the brothers go and steal the women away from town...egads!

But I love, love, love this movie because of the dancing! The singing is spotty; some of the performers are weaker than others. But the dancing...oh, the dancing. I'm not just talking about the Russ Tamblyn jumping-over-the-ax-handle scene. Nearly every dance scene is stunning, particularly when the Pontipee brothers are swinging the axes and singing about being "lonely ol' pole cats" and so on. They're gorgeous, graceful, so, so talented.

Posted by: Shannon at August 1, 2007 2:53 PM

Oh, my. There's some bad entries in y'all's list. "First Knight"? Really? I guess I can't throw stones, though, because my secret love - and shame - is...

...Xanadu.

Xan-a-doooooooooo

Xan-a-du-oooooooooooooooooo

(Now we are here)

Oh, my god, is it bad. The dialogue might have been computer generated, or put together with those little magnet-poetry things, for all I know. The character all speak in ridiculous cliches, strung together sloppily as if by someone who only knew English from a phrasebook and a dictionary and had never actually met a native speaker of the language. That the actors could deliver the lines without laughing or weeping is a testament to their acting skills. And the plot that this dialogue serves is not really much better - calling it formulaic would be a insult to forumlae.

But still, I can't resist it's sappy, earnest charm and upbeat (though inane) theme. I mean, really, Olivia Newton John is simply adorable - I'd gladly suffer through a film ten times worse just to see that smile. The music is sweet and fun (fuck you guys, I LIKE disco), and there are actually a few sequences that show a glimmer of inspiration. The dance sequence with ONJ and Gene Kelly (Gene holyfuckingshit Kelly!) is just lovely, and the scene where the old-time swingers and new-wave punkers come together is almost - ALMOST - brilliant. (The director DID go on to do some pretty decent shit, later... much later)

I first saw this movie on HBO, shortly after it was in theaters, and I fell head-over-heels in love with Olivia Newton-John at the time. I'm still crushing on her, twenty years and change later. She's so sincere, or at least she fakes it convincingly, and everytime she's on screen I want to grin. The movie is crap, and the "give it all up for love" storyline is trite and tired, but ONJ sells it as well as anyone can with her guileless charm, and really - who wouldn't want a Xanadu of his very own? Roller disco, maybe not, but a place to make one's dreams come true? We should all be so lucky... even if it IS ELO that provides the music.

Posted by: Landon at August 1, 2007 2:53 PM

Okay, okay since you have shared your secret shames I'll share mine: Howard the Duck
A man sized duck with an attitude? What's not to love???

Posted by: clarity at August 1, 2007 2:53 PM

Ranylt! I watched SWTE last night ALONE and was ashamed...and yet I still watched until that moment when Laura realizes that her cupboard is all creepy organized again and Mr. Wifebeater reappears.

My secret shame: I own and love You've Got Mail.

Yes it pairs Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan yet AGAIN, and yes the film is not only one huge product placement for the asstastic AOL but also one that relies on the audience's fondness for Sleepless in Seattle to accept its treacley script. I DON'T CARE. I love Steve Zahn's militant salesman, I love the chemistry in the bookstore scenes featuring Ryan, Jean Stapleton, and Heather Burns, I love how their stupid god damned emails remind me of an internet crush I once had, and I love the improbable and unrealistic way that the main characters suddenly fall in love. I can't explain it. Tom Hanks has such an everyman charm, even here with Nora (motherfucking) Ephron at the helm he displays such a knack for comedic timing. And my god, how I COVET that bookstore.

Posted by: Julie at August 1, 2007 2:53 PM

Shannon: Seven Brides is one of my favorite movies ever. I love the Michael Kidd choreography during the barn raising scene :)

Posted by: Julie at August 1, 2007 2:56 PM

Apparently I took way too long to post and Vermillion beat me to the shame that is Howard the Duck.
PS Vermillion, I just looked...it's not available on dvd...yet.

Posted by: clarity at August 1, 2007 2:58 PM

Elmopalooza? There is no shame in Elmo. Elmo is all to the good. Jon Stewart? That's just a bonus.

It's a good thing I use a pseudonym here, because I am going to admit that I went through a major phase with the band Live. And I used to cry to the song Dance with You. Even then, I knew they were awful, but I loved them. I am not proud. (Except perhaps of my deep and abiding love for Elmo.)

Posted by: Henry at August 1, 2007 3:01 PM

I went to my dvd collection and pulled the first three embarrasments that I saw:

1) Evolution -- David Duchovny and Julianne Moore. For some reason, I thought this movie was hilarious. Even though D.Duch was just playing Fox Mulder, but Fox Mulder with funnier lines and he was still cute, sexy and Fox Mulder. Did I mention that I like Fox Mulder?

2)The Man With Two Brains -- Steve Martin
"In to the mud, scum-queen!" My daughters get really mad when I say that to them. And **spoiler** Merv Griffin was the best.

3)Bedazzled -- Brendan Fraser & Liz Hurley
I love it when he starts speaking spanish. Cracks me up! Hey--according to the box The NY Times says "Outrageous Fun!"

I just realized I bought all of these in the $5.00 bin at Wal-mart.

Now I have my tv viewing lined up for the weekend. Thanks Pajiba!

Posted by: wsapnin at August 1, 2007 3:01 PM

Wow. I feel like I'm being transported back to my Catholic high school days with all of this confessin' going on. So...while we're at it, here's mine:

1) This horrible, horrible, (horribly AWESOME) made-for-TV movie that's a few years old called "Friends 'Til the End" with Shannen Doherty and Jeremy (or Jason?) London. They show re-runs of it on VH1, but I saw it during its premiere, and every damn time it's on, I have to stop everything and watch it. I don't even know why I have to watch it, but seriously, I just fucking HAVE to. Basically it's about this college student (Shanen Doherty) who has a grunge-ish band (must have been all of that aggression she built up from being Brenda Walsh...or something like that), a perfect family, sweet sorority sisters, a hot boyfriend--basically something that looks like a perfect life. All of a sudden this blonde chick named Zanne seemingly comes out of nowhere and is intent on destroying her life. She steals her boyfriend, her band, her room at the sorority house, and just starts acting awesomely psycho and jealous in general. What makes it even awesomer is the fact that 1) we get to see Brenda's bitchy side, which is always great, since y'all know she wasn't really an "actress" to begin with, 2) there are actual original songs and a music video in the movie, which are sooooo bad 90s-ish and craptastic (sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5PM7cae49Y), and 3) the awesome dialogue-"YOU CAN'T WIN!" "YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"-is friggin' priceless. Good campy fun for anyone who has ever had psychos invade their own lives (yes, I speak from experience), or just for anyone who has wondered why certain people attract certain psychos into their own lives (my boyfriend speaks from experience on that one).

Posted by: em at August 1, 2007 3:03 PM

Center Stage. Saw this in theaters with my best friend, who I usually blame for exposing me to bad chick flicks. It was the two of us (high school seniors), surrounded by tweenagers. I was embarrassed going in, but now admit that I've seen it about a half dozen times. I still contend that the lamest of films is instantly made watchable with the incorporation of sports, dancing, or music. Now I secretly wish I were a dancer, if only to star in a rock-ballet featuring motorcycles and MJ's "The Way You Make Me Feel."

Posted by: zeppellyn at August 1, 2007 3:03 PM

Ok, I admit it. I am addicted to Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Despite a lifelong distaste for talking animals, I cannot resist an episode. I fell in love with Melissa Joan Hart back in her Clarissa Explains It All days, and I've watched everything she's done since, including the horrific Drive Me Crazy (which I still loved, and watch every time its on, despite realizing just how bad it really is) and the Sabrina made for TV movie. Of all the MJH vehicles I've watched, though, Sabrina is still my favorite. She's sassy, she's spunky, and darn it, her perkiness is downright comforting. Add to that a cast that includes Soleil Moon Frye (the former Punky Brewster) and Elisa Donovan (Amber, from Clueless), and this show is a nostalgic dream! Its lightweight fun that doesn't take itself too seriously and never strayed from the formula that made it great, which is more than I can say for most other shows out there.

Posted by: Courtney at August 1, 2007 3:04 PM

The Cutting Edge. I own it. I love it. I watch it even when it airs on T.V. ABC Family usually.

Posted by: amber at August 1, 2007 3:05 PM

Wow. I feel like I'm being transported back to my Catholic high school days with all of this confessin' going on. So...while we're at it, here's mine:

1) This horrible, horrible, (horribly AWESOME) made-for-TV movie that's a few years old called "Friends 'Til the End" with Shannen Doherty and Jeremy (or Jason?) London. They show re-runs of it on VH1, but I saw it during its premiere, and every damn time it's on, I have to stop everything and watch it. I don't even know why I have to watch it, but seriously, I just fucking HAVE to. Basically it's about this college student (Shanen Doherty) who has a grunge-ish band (must have been all of that aggression she built up from being Brenda Walsh...or something like that), a perfect family, sweet sorority sisters, a hot boyfriend--basically something that looks like a perfect life. All of a sudden this blonde chick named Zanne seemingly comes out of nowhere and is intent on destroying her life. She steals her boyfriend, her band, her room at the sorority house, and just starts acting awesomely psycho and jealous in general. What makes it even awesomer is the fact that 1) we get to see Brenda's bitchy side, which is always great, since y'all know she wasn't really an "actress" to begin with, 2) there are actual original songs and a music video in the movie, which are sooooo bad 90s-ish and craptastic (sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5PM7cae49Y) and 3) the awesome dialogue-"YOU CAN'T WIN!" "YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"-is friggin' priceless. Good campy fun for anyone who has ever had psychos invade their own lives (yes, I speak from experience), or just for anyone who has wondered why certain people attract certain psychos into their own lives (my boyfriend speaks from experience on that one).

Posted by: em at August 1, 2007 3:05 PM

Oh Julie, I sat in front of that my parent's TV when 7 Brides for 7 Brothers was on some network channel with my boom box and recorded all of the songs so I could learn them all. Benjamin was my main man and I wanted to be Dorcas even though her name was... Dorcas. "Which of the boys slept in this bed, do you suppose?" I've got that damn "Spring" song stuck in my head now:

BENJAMIN:
All the hen-folk are hatchin'
While their men-folk are scrathin'
To ensure the survival of each brand new arrival.
DORCAS:
Each nest is twitterin',
They're all baby-sitterin',
Spring, Spring, Spring.

Quality lyrics.
Man, I have a lot to be ashamed of! Before Julie posted, I was thinking of my unnatural love for Universal Soldier. Jean-Claude playing a dead yet revived soldier- a role fitting his acting abilities- He-Man's over the top villainy (oh! the ear necklace! horrors!) Ally Walker's smoke-gravel voice. I love that flick.

Posted by: lilianna28 at August 1, 2007 3:05 PM

I was subjected to a LOT of very disturbing made-for-children movies when I was young. The worst were Pinocchio in Outer Space, The Point, Return to Oz, The Last Unicorn,and The Elm Chanted Forest. Being raised on these had a serious effect on my adoration for horrible movies. But the most shameful?

Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer. I still watch that shit.

Posted by: Blonde Savant at August 1, 2007 3:06 PM

I love, own and frequently quote from The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. In fact, I knew my current boyfriend was The One when I realized that he felt the exact same way. We watch it late at night and cackle like morons. People just don't understand that Dice's sexist-pig routine is just an act... a wildly hysterical act. And I'm a woman, for God's sake.

Favorite line: "Clint Eastwood... I fucked him."

Posted by: mavenly at August 1, 2007 3:06 PM

I don't know if these count or not, but this being Pajiba, it's gotta be worth something to admit it in the comments section:

Star Wars Episode I: the Phantom Menace
Star wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Clones is, especially, a guilty pleasure for me because I can tell the movie is, technically, a mess. While the script is actually an improvement over episode 1, the editing and film scoring (I'm a composer, so I notice the latter one more than I'm supposed to) are atrocious and downright lazy. Then there's the stinted dialogue in the love story with absolutely no chemistry between the leads...yet I can't stop watching! I love this movie.

Same goes for Phantom Menace, which is much more maligned but which, I think, is ultimately a better movie (see above). Jar-Jar Binks and the lack of dramatic tension inherent in the nature of prequels notwithstanding, I have a lot of fun watching this movie and will voluntarily pop it into the DVD player from time to time.

There, I said it. Can I have a prize now?

Posted by: Armando at August 1, 2007 3:06 PM

Sorry, Shannon posted first. I'll give credit where it's due!

Posted by: lilianna28 at August 1, 2007 3:07 PM

Oh, god. The Crush. Shameful, shameful... I can't even defend it. All I can say is that when I was in my early teens and it was on, I watched it with the remote in hand, ready to switch to the Disney Channel or something equally parent-approved. I love The Crush because I knew right away that it was the sort of unwholesome thing that my mother would NEVER let me watch.

Posted by: Lauren at August 1, 2007 3:08 PM

I'm a gay male, which may explain a lot more about these picks than I can, but here I try anyway (but first, Mean Girls I don't think qualifies... isn't it generally agreed that the movie is kind of good?):

You've Got Mail - At its base level, I know I should kind of hate this movie on principal, just because it's a) Nora Ephron b) a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan that isn't When Harry Met Sally... and c) it's Nora Ephron. But something about it all just sort of works together so that it's compulsively watchable and inoffensive. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are kind of cute together, it's got some touching moments (when Meg looks back on the empty store to see herself dancing with her mom - who doesn't find that sad?!), and they threw in Parker Posey, so they get some good-will points right there. Ultimately, it's perfect at being a bad romantic comedy, and I adore it for that.

Bring it On - I can't remember if there's an exclamation point in the title, and maybe the fact that there might in fact be one is evidence enough of why this is a bad film. But oh how I enjoy it so. I feel completely dirty and unworthy of, well, basically, living after watching it, but it's kind of hilarious, intentionally and not.

Posted by: Ben at August 1, 2007 3:09 PM

Oh, I've got to be a shoo-in winner for this one:
"The Quiet Man" with Maureen O'Hara and John Wayne.
To us real Irish people, this film is downright racist. It's badly acted (did I mention John Wayne stars?), it has a preposterous plot, it sends the message that what a woman really wants is a strong man to slap her into submission. The colours are garish (who knew that beautiful rural Ireland needed to be made greener through Technicolor?), all the characters are one-dimensional. And yet, every St. Patricks' Day, AMC pops it up on the screen and down I sit, horrified but unable to turn away.

By the way, I want Julia Robert's porch house in Iowa also: I will watch that film just to see that house.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 1, 2007 3:11 PM

*cringe*

OK, I'll admit that I completely love...The Prince & Me. Dubious title grammar, Danish princes with English accents, completely pseudo-feminist plot, balmy Wisconsin Thanksgiving and all. I've almost bought it on DVD about six times, but I just can't take the shame. However...I do have to rent it or Netflix it every couple of months and just enjoy the hell out of it. It's not even the best regular-girl-almost-maybe-becomes-princess movie out there, but...LOVE! Tractor racing (that sounds suspiciously close to what Dustin mentioned in Son in Law, actually)! Shakespeare in the laundry! Beer-spraying! Flirtation over the meat slicer! And...makeover into a not really beautiful dress! Still, the highlights have to be Miranda Richardson (oddly enough, one of the only non-American characters in the movie not sporting a British accent) as a deliciously ball-slicing Danish queen, and the scene towards the beginning when Eddie watches Paige clear tables and dance barefoot to "I Hope I Don't Fall in Love With You," and I go all gooey. Right, I'm blaming Tom Waits.

Julie, You've Got Mail was a close runner-up in my internal shame contest. I have it on VHS, and have watched it too many times. I particularly love how she just sort of randomly decides to forgive him for putting her out of business -- really, he did her a favor!

Posted by: Heqit at August 1, 2007 3:13 PM

I think you might mean interned as in confined instead of interred which means buried.

My secret shame is Cat People. It has the writer of Taxi Driver, Paul Schrader, doing his best Verhoeven impression even before Verhoeven had fully fleshed it out with the gems that were Starship Troopers and Showgirls. Throw in some fake, weird Indo-European theology with human sacrifice, set it in the glamorously dissolute New Orleans of a quarter century ago and it becomes a lush fever dream of a movie. Extensive gratuitous nudity and sexuality seals the deal.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at August 1, 2007 3:14 PM

Wow. I feel like I'm being transported back to my Catholic high school days with all of this confessin' going on. So...while we're at it, here's mine:

1) This horrible, horrible, (horribly AWESOME) made-for-TV movie that's a few years old called "Friends 'Til the End" with Shannen Doherty and Jeremy (or Jason?) London. They show re-runs of it on VH1, but I saw it during its premiere, and every damn time it's on, I have to stop everything and watch it. I don't even know why I have to watch it, but seriously, I just fucking HAVE to. Basically it's about this college student (Shanen Doherty) who has a grunge-ish band (must have been all of that aggression she built up from being Brenda Walsh...or something like that), a perfect family, sweet sorority sisters, a hot boyfriend--basically something that looks like a perfect life. All of a sudden this blonde chick named Zanne seemingly comes out of nowhere and is intent on destroying her life. She steals her boyfriend, her band, her room at the sorority house, and just starts acting awesomely psycho and jealous in general. What makes it even awesomer is the fact that 1) we get to see Brenda's bitchy side, which is always great, since y'all know she wasn't really an "actress" to begin with, 2) there are actual original songs and a music video in the movie, which are sooooo bad 90s-ish and craptastic, and 3) the awesome dialogue-"YOU CAN'T WIN!" "YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"-is friggin' priceless. Good campy fun for anyone who has ever had psychos invade their own lives (yes, I speak from experience), or just for anyone who has wondered why certain people attract certain psychos into their own lives (my boyfriend speaks from experience on that one).

Going back to my corner now...

Posted by: em at August 1, 2007 3:14 PM

What a concept: movies that I'm embarrased to love.

Goodbye Lover, because Patricia Arquette rocks the high heels and The Sound of Music. Really.

Take The Lead, because of my boy-crush on Antonio Banderas.

Posted by: Meander at August 1, 2007 3:15 PM

Major League. I watched it a lot when I was younger because my dad was a huge baseball fan and we lived in northeastern Ohio - therefore, it was practically required that we kids know and love a movie about the Cleveland Indians winning for once. Although I grew up to watch more independent film than baseball, I still love this movie. It really does remind me of the underdog spirit on which Cleveland prides itself. And, at the end, Corbin Bernsen sucker-punches Charlie Sheen. Quality entertainment all around.

Posted by: Jen at August 1, 2007 3:15 PM

My best friend's favorite secret shame movie is also Sleeping with the Enemy! She maintains that there's something "comforting" about it (we have a big thing about movies that that somehow have a comforting, homey feel regardless of the quality or subject matter. It's an indescribable feel, really). And now, because we live far apart and it reminds me of her, I also find it comforting. Anyway, I have a couple of similar choices. I think to qualify they shouldn't be movies that we have just seen in passing and liked but rather movies that we constantly turn to as favorites even though we know most people would think they're terrible.

Big Girls Don't Cry...They Get Even). Starring a lot of "hey, it's that guy(s)" and Griffin Dunne. I have loved this movie ever since the mid 90's when they seemed to play it on TBS every other week. No matter what, if it was on, I always had to watch it all the way through. And usually teared up at the end. Then, just this year, my local video store started selling all their VHS tapes for $3 each and I totally bought it and watched it the second I got home. Maybe it was that I related to the dysfunctional step-family scenario. Maybe it's because I thought Dan Futterman (later to play Charlotte's is-he-or-isn't-he-gay friend on Sex and the City) was adorable. But I will always love that movie and find it very comforting. When people see it in my collection, they're always like, "what the hell is this movie?"

I also love The Cutting Edge and Titanic, and will watch them both all the way through whenever they're on t.v. Another one that I can't help but watch is Vertical Limit, also starring Moira Kelly. Maybe it's her?

And hey, there is no shame in loving Money Pit! "Ah. Home crap home."

Posted by: tinmo at August 1, 2007 3:15 PM

But wait there's more...

I am a straight woman and a feminist, but I will watch The Girls Next Door if it is on and I am alone (even my husband refuses to watch it). I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the contracts that Hef clearly has had these women sign. And how it is that grown women talk like a Disney movie stereotype of 12 year old girls. And if maybe it is just an act. And looking for justifications as to why I can't look away.

Posted by: Henry at August 1, 2007 3:16 PM

OK - I give credit to Julie for You've Got Mail... I think she posted while I was in the midst of writing mine, so... well, at least it's good to know I'm not alone. ;)

I'll also add Coyote Ugly to the list. It's a god-awful film and there's really nothing I can defend about it. It's just entertaining because of its badness.

Also, this is probably the most embarrassing one: but there's something hypnotic about Dragon Tales. It's a kid's show on PBS, for the uninitiated. Something about it draws you in and... well, I don't know. But I've seen more complete episodes of that show than I care to try and count.

Posted by: Ben at August 1, 2007 3:16 PM

"The Worst Witch"

It came out in the 80's. I think it was Fairuza Balk's first movie. It came on HBO right before Halloween every year. And I watched it every year. I found it on Amazon recently and ordered it. It's so past bad it's awesome. Tim Curry flying around as the Grand Wizard is worth the price of addmission.

Posted by: Kylie at August 1, 2007 3:16 PM

HA!!! Lillianna, Benjamin is fucking HOT. I made my former roommate watch Seven Brides about 2 months ago, and the only reaction she had other than glaring hatefully at me was to note how hot the non-dancing brother was. I've got a thing for Frank as well...he's such an acrobat when he gallups across the stage.

Posted by: Julie at August 1, 2007 3:16 PM

Steppin' Out, featuring Ms Liza Minelli and lots of tap dancing. Tap Dancing! Like with feet! The
cast is an amazing collection of pros, including a crotchety Shelly Winters, pre-Ally McBeal (and sweet as pie) Jane Krakowski and the incomparable Bill Irwin, not to mention Ellen Greene. The plot features a bad boyfriend, body image issues, incest, and did I mention the tap dancing? The glittering finale plays like a tribute from Liza to her mother's glory days at MGM - music, lights and impossible costume changes combine to create a world in which we can fully believe that taking dance classes from a washed up never-was can make our lives better. I buy into it EVERY time.

Backstory - When my sister and I were young and couldn't decide which movie to watch after school, we'd force Stepping Out upon ourselves. Like the best of guilty pleasures, it started out as torture and then grew on me.

p.s. This is my first pajiba comment. I've been a silent reader for years, but Stepping Out has been a secret for too long.

Posted by: lyssmiss at August 1, 2007 3:16 PM

I have three:

The Cutting Edge: This is my dad's influence. My dad flipping LOVES THIS MOVIE. I cannot capitalize his love enough. And I share his love, it's true. It's corny and annoying and formulaic, but I can't resist the musical montage of them training together, the adorableness of DB Sweeney klutzing around in figure skates (toe pick!), or the bitchiness of Moira Kelly (right? Is that her name?) slowly melting away to reveal her love of the big dopey hockey player. And the kiss at the end, as he's holding her in his arms at the very end of their performance? GENIUS way to end it, the story needs no further embellishment.

Three Ninjas: People, nothing could be more embarassing. It all started back in 1995 when I was babysitting pretty regularly for the rugrats down the street. They rented the movie one night and I thought it was just as awesome as they did. I can't explain it, maybe it was their infectious adoration of the boys their age with ninja moves, but I enjoyed the hell out of the movie. The last time I saw it was a couple of years ago, playing on a movie channel at my parents' house. I watched the entire thing beginning to end, and although I was sort of horrified myself for really liking something so...well...bad....I realized that at this point my fondness for the movie is more of a fondness for the period of time it brings me back to - my lazy, worry-free teenage years.

Get Over It: I'm not sure this counts as a secret shame, I know other people who like it, but I LOVED it. LOVED IT. Know every line, love the wardrobe, the props, the actors, the story, the music. I have no way to explain it, I think it's an adorable story and I love that the characters seem to live in a little bubble, sheltered from the dark, evil real world. Shameful perfection :)

Posted by: bluestar at August 1, 2007 3:17 PM

"Date with an Angel" barely eeks out "Mannequin" in the 'fuck you I like it' poll, and it's not even a movie, it's an HBO made-for-tv "movie" that I used to rent out of a skanky indie rental store in the middle-of-nowhere.

Emmanuel Beart (I haven't seen this "movie" in over a decade and I think I've got her name right, still) as an angel who gets winged by a satelite (how the hell does that even work?) and ends up falling in some guy's pool, just as he's about to wed a Demi-Moore-look-alike-daddy's-girl-insane-hell-bitch.

Wacky Hijinx ensue. The angel develops a taste for french fries. The guy's boozer friends (who look like they rolled in 1985 for a couple of months before shooting) steal the angel. She has a nude scene in a beautiful forest glen with appropriate addition of cute and cuddly forest wildlife.

I love the sweet and gentle musician protagonist. I love the music. I still love "Higher Love" because they used it there. The damn movie still has one of my favorite jokes and the wings look pretty good for being pre-CGI.

I think that enjoying this "movie" possibly counts as a brain injury, and yet I am proudly defiant in being like, maybe one of five people who actually remembers it.

I look for copies on ebay sometimes, and then I weep bitter bitter tears of shame, flagllating myself with a copy of Memento.

Posted by: twig at August 1, 2007 3:17 PM

I have three:

Posted by: bluestar at August 1, 2007 3:18 PM

second "the cutting edge," amber...if only for the scene where moira kelly skates away from d.b. sweeney and flips up her skirt. entirely implausible and predictable and cheesy, yes. but, god help me, i own the dvd.

a couple others. i don't know if i can go on.

"mmm-bop," by hanson. i LOVE this song. i'm 42. and supposedly a man. and earlier today i was humming the "if you like pina coladas" song, whatever it's called...

i sat in front of "rules of engagement" on cbs a couple nights ago, and...laughed out loud several times, and...i can't say it...got a little verklempt, at the end. a man? me? i think not.

i have to go take a cheese grater to my eyeballs now.

Posted by: matty blue at August 1, 2007 3:19 PM

Ford Fairlane! Hell yeah! I bought the DVD for $5.50 at Walmart! But I'm not really embarrassed by it...

Posted by: Meander at August 1, 2007 3:19 PM

Ernest Scared Stupid-
You would think all of the ridicule I endured from sharing a first name with the main character would steer me away from this horrid franchise. But, there's a scene a little over an hour in where Jim Varney backs over a midget dressed as a troll with his truck. It cracks me up every damned time I see it. I'm always willing to endure the rest of this suck-fest just to watch that scene.

I found a low quality clip of it online, but wasn't able to post. If you're interested search "Ernest Scared Stupid" on Youtube and it's the 7th clip down.

Couple that with being able to quote some of the (memorable?) lines if someone brings up the title character in regard to my name and it's a movie I stick around for every year around Oct 31 when I bump into it on TBS.

Posted by: Ernesto at August 1, 2007 3:20 PM

Close call between Buying the Cow and Grandma's Boy, two low-brow, adolescent-humored comedies in the Van Wilder genre. Note that local hero Ryan Reynolds turns in a funny performance in BTC -- lots of snarky one-liners -- which is a Jerry O'Connell vehicle. Yes, you heard me, a Jerry O'Connell vehicle, so I guess that is the more shameful of the two, though Dustin fucking hated Grandma's Boy, which is newer and features Nick Swardson, who is just a funny person.

If one of those is on late-night, it's trouble in bed-time land.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at August 1, 2007 3:20 PM

"She's the Man" with Amanda Bynes. A 26 year old man should not have found that movie nearly as amusing as I did.

Posted by: Jeff at August 1, 2007 3:20 PM

I can't believe someone else said "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"!

While justly famous for the whole Russ Tamblyn axe-jumping in the barn raising dance, the rest of the movie is pretty irredeemably sexist. My deep, deep affection for "Sobbin' Women," a jaunty hand-clapper about how you should kidnap women and "rough em' up like them thar Romans do, or else she'll think you're tetched," is completely embarrassing for me to confess to as a feminist, but it's so charming! And hilarious! I'm never sure if it was supposed to be funny or not, but I feel better about myself if I say that it was. Still, I feel deep, deep guilt every time I think about the fact that I rooted for a bunch of handsome young men who KIDNAPPED CHICKS UNTIL THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM, it's so much fun, hurray! The choreography is classic and amazing though: you have all these great dancers right at their peaks: Russ Tamblyn and Tommy Rall and Michael Kidd and everyone. You also have Howard Keel in his least annoying role ever.

Seven Brides actually ties into my other guilty pleasure: "Fame." Not the reasonably good Alan Parker movie, the TV series that it inspired. It ran for years, it was the Beverly Hills 90210 of the '80s. One character, Danny, was at Fame school for the entire six-season run of the series, despite the fact that other characters who were supposed to be younger than him had already graduated. This was never explained. The first season featured had Montgomery, who was gay in the movie, but they couldn't have a gay character on TV, so he was just treated as "different." The musical numbers got increasingly over-produced and there was Nicole, who is the most egregious example of "Mary Sue" in produced television. Nicole (played by Nia Peeples who went on to appear in the last season of "Walker, Texas Ranger") was a brilliantly talented singer, she was beautiful and she was also an academic genius. She had a boyfriend, but dudes were always falling in love with her, including one of her boyfriend's best friends and a teacher who became obsessed with her and hit her boyfriend in an episode that was inspired by Kurosawa's "Rashomon" (I am not joking). Anyway, despite this, I really love the show and watched it faithfully when MuchMoreMusic (Canada's VH1) ran it on weeknights. Despite the bad acting and the fact that they ran out of storylines somewhere in the second season, and the fact that they let Gene Anthony Ray (who played Leroy, the gifted dancer from the wrong side of the tracks) run around in mesh shirts and a creepy biker cap in the last couple of seasons, I love the show and feel actual affection for its characters. The reason it ties in is that Russ Tamblyn appeared in the finale of the series as a famous alumni who was depressed by his legacy of jumping over an axe in a classic 1950s movie (they used the actual clip from "Seven Brides"), and they showed him repeat the stunt and he passed the axe/torch to Leroy in a bizarre contemporary dance number. I found it really touching, because I am a nerd.

Those are probably my top guilty pleasures. Note that they both involve musicals.

Posted by: Brenda at August 1, 2007 3:20 PM

Damn,I thought Howard would be pretty hard to beat. So I will raise you with this:

Red (motherfucking) Sonja.

For one, it is the only proof that Brigitte Nielsen was ever attractive (though her sobriety might still be debatable). Second, it had Ah-nold tossing around that annoying Asian kid from "The Last Dragon", who I believe was Ernie Reyes Jr. Then there was the bodyguard who used what looked like a dinosaur bone as a weapon. And the evil sorceress who could compete with Dr. Doom for "Most asinine narcissist who, despite being all powerful and probably having a spell or something to fix it, wears an uncomfortable-looking metal mask just because of a little scar on their face" award.It was the first movie I saw with a woman kicking ass as well as a man, or even better. I dare say, it was my first inkling of feminism and my other great love, implied lesbianism. That movie was great.

A few more contenders:
Ultraviolet: Sorry, GunKata rocks, and Milla makes me warm in the pants

Hudson Hawk: Singing songs to time your robbery? The hotel curare dart scene? The male villain looking like a pre-Arnett GOB Bluth? Andie McDowell going insane and baaing? Henchmen named after candy bars? Leonardo Da Vinci? DANNY AIELLO?!??!!! How is that not good?

Drive: A little action film featuring Mark Dacascos, Kadeem Hardison. John Pyper Fergueson, and thick in all the right places and still pretty crazy Brittany Murphy. That is now part of my DVD collection. And I would kill to look that awesome in brown like the Advanced Model did. It is actually the reason the Rush Hour series exists. Jackie Chan was supposed to be in this flick, but couldn't do it then, so Mark took his place. Apparently he still wanted to do the Asian-black team-up thing.

TMNT III: Yes, the turtles as samurai one. I enjoyed the hell out of it. It had a nice little dose of Japanese mythology in it, too.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 1, 2007 3:21 PM

Julie: Check out "The Shop Around the Corner" with James Stewart and Margaret Sullivan. It's the 1940s original that "You've Got Mail" was based on and in addition to having no AOL ads, it's got James Stewart. Need I say more?

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 1, 2007 3:21 PM

Well, The Rock was already mentioned, and Con-Air is shameful, but being a guy it isn't that embarrassing to like some good old fashioned action flicks (at least to me anyways).

So these are movies that I would never admit to liking to my buddies:

The Bodyguard
Sleepless in Seattle
Joe Dirt (ok, I've admitted this one, and caught a lot of shit over it)

Posted by: Riles at August 1, 2007 3:23 PM

Ah, I forgot another one: "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights". Because seeing Diego Luna shake his ass with the hot Romola Garai is a LOT better than a mulleted Patrick Swayze (although he makes an apperance in it too). For real, people.

Posted by: em at August 1, 2007 3:23 PM

Ben: I can sleep well knowing that someone else out there loves some YGM :) And word word WORD on Bring it On. Sparky Pilastrie is reason enough to watch it.

"Cheerleaders are dancers, who have gone retarded." "Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys." Brilliant.

I'm cackling at everyone's posts, this may be my favorite Guide.

Posted by: Julie at August 1, 2007 3:24 PM

...and yes, i know this is about films. but i had to come clean. like an a.a. meeting.

Posted by: matty blue at August 1, 2007 3:24 PM

Oh, God Boo/Nexus. Let's be roommates until your house is done, because I L-O-V-E Conan the Barbarian. LOVE. Seriously. I can quote probably 65% of it.

Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe... Crucify him.

I'd add Beastmaster, The Girl Next Door, The Man With Two Brains, and... um... The Fantastic Four. I know, ok? I can't help it. I just can't turn the fucking thing off. I... I'll go now.

Posted by: TK at August 1, 2007 3:25 PM

Con Air. I love every single moronic second of Con Air. Nicholas Cage deserves an award for the worst Texan accent ever, even beating The Beek in Varsity Blues(a fantastic movie, by the way). Look, I will admit that it has absolutely no plot and is filled with stereotype after stereotype (effeminate black man cross-dressing? Check.), but it has Steve Buscemi in it! It is kind of an original plotline and likely the least offensive of Buckheimer/Bay collaborations. Plus, you just cannot write dialogue like this: "Put the bunny in the box" & "I told you to put the bunny back in the box". The fact that the plane crashes into the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas has to be worth something right? I am aware that I will now have to give up my Pajiba membership card. I still love me some of "Con Air".

FYI, I also love The Rock. You beat me to it, Daniel.

Stacey, Digital Underground? Excuse me while I go listen to "Humpty Dance" right now.

When I get home, I might have a second entry to add. I cannot remember all of the nightmarish crap in my DVD collection.

Posted by: Melody at August 1, 2007 3:26 PM

My secret shame is any Hugh Grant movie: Love Actually, Notting Hill, About a Boy, I've even seen Bridget Jones' Diary. I should mention that I am a heterosexual male, but Hugh Grant is probably my biggest man crush (I forgot to post on the comment diversion the other day). He always seems to play that kind of 'aw shucks' well-meaning english guy who get's the girl in the end. Even though I am nowhere near as good-looking as he is, it tends to give me hope that, as a nice guy, maybe I'll end up getting the girl once in a while.

Posted by: Nate at August 1, 2007 3:26 PM

For me it has to be Overboard, with the glorious combination of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. How *can't* you feel guilty for liking a movie where a carpenter's idea of revenge on a rich, stuck up blond is to *claim her as his wife* when she falls off her yacht and suffers amnesia? Thank god she learns how to run the household and tame his 4 wild boys, all the while falling in love with him and helping him to achieve his dream of building a mini-golf park. TBS occasionally brings the movie into rotation and for the life of me I can't tear myself away from the screen.

Posted by: erin at August 1, 2007 3:28 PM

I'm convinced my Dad and I are the reason that Ernest Saves Christmas is to this day shown on ABC every December. It's the dopiest film possible, but we love it. I've probably seen it a dozen times. We saw it twice, in the theater. There's so much wrong with it - it's an Ernest movie, there's the nonsensical first-person scene that exists basically so Jim Varney can work in his inexplicable 'knowwhutImean, Vern?' bit, there's the guy who used to play the film's equivalent of Captain Kangaroo or something not wanting to curse at the alien while they're shooting 'Christmas Slay' (he doesn't even know the name of the movie he's in at that point, wanting to know where the sleigh is) - and yet the invention that Santa's bag is full of magic glowing crystal balls that turn into gifts made so much sense to me when I first saw it at age ten. Man, just thinking of it makes me wish it was December.

Posted by: Bullfrog at August 1, 2007 3:28 PM

Landon: Xanadu forever. Honestly, I have loved that movie ever since I was around 8 years old. I love ONJ (still do - for the same reasons you stated) and I'd dance around my basement singing those songs even when the movie wasn't playing. Sonny rollerskates himself through a wall into another dimension to convince Zeus to let her go!!! How romantic. I have the soundtrack on cd and I still sing it in my car, more than 20 years later. Oh, the shame :)

My other shameful secret: The Pirate Movie. Kristie McNichol and some dude with curly hair (his name escapes me now but he was dreamy back then). Extremely cheesy. But still, I WANT A HAPPY ENDING!!!!

Didn't realize it before now - it appears I have a thing for musicals!

Posted by: Angela at August 1, 2007 3:28 PM

Okay, this is painful; Electrojuice. For the 99.99999999% of you unfamiliar with this movie, it is an electric safety video from the 80's that revolved around a teen hunk who was killed by holding a ladder to a power cable in a lightning storm, sent to a type of electrical unawareness purgatory, and made to watch his friends and family die electricity related deaths by a crazed irishman with half his brains faling out of his head. It is, simply, the best movie ever and I watched it regularly from age 4 to 11, when I realized it was embarassing. Most embarassing moment, Overdosia (a friend of electrojuice's, and fellow killer of teenagers) doing the running man during the *music video* portion of the tape (sample lyrics; "shocker of a hot barbecue!"). Insane, stupid, horribly acted and 80'sy, I have to admit that I did know the shit out of concentric circles when I was 4 though.

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:29 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:30 PM

"Ben: I can sleep well knowing that someone else out there loves some YGM :) And word word WORD on Bring it On. Sparky Pilastrie is reason enough to watch it. "

Damn, add me to that list too! "THESE ARE SPIRIT FINGERS!!!!!!!! THESE...ARE GOLD!"

Posted by: em at August 1, 2007 3:31 PM

Okay, I'll chip in because my pal Agent Bedhead asked. Truth is that I'm a sucker for those twin Kevin Costner post-apocalyptic disasters, Waterworld and The Postman. While I don't own either and have never rented them, I always watch 'em when they come on the tee vee.

In fact, given the examples of such folk as Reagan, Shwarzenegger, Fred Grandy and Ben Jones, I think Tom Petty ought to reprise his role as Bridge City Mayor in real life and take it up a notch:

Petty in '08: Like, F'Sher, Dude!

Posted by: Robert the Llama Butcher at August 1, 2007 3:31 PM

Vertical Limit! I own up to it!!!! Some reason, I actually love this movie so much that I don't even realize exactly how bad it is. I happened to catch it the other night and at the end I was completely satisfied with myself... Until my brother called and laughed at me when I told him what I was watching. No, screw that, he can laugh at me all he wants and I will still watch it a couple times a year.

It could be my forever-long crush on Chris O'Donnell that started when I first saw Fried Green Tomatoes. Maybe it's the opening scene and they are playing the song game and come up with the ONLY damn Eagles song that I halfway kind of sort of like. It's all crap and I know it's crap. Probably one of the crappiest movies ever made. But I love it and it makes me want to go climb big mountains with Bill Paxton.

Posted by: Kylie at August 1, 2007 3:31 PM

"My Father the Hero"

When Gerard Depardieu water-skis, yells at Katherine Heigl to "come look at the goddamn moon...it's GLORIOUS!" and later sings "Thank Heaven for Little Girls"... my shit, it is lost.

Posted by: paul at August 1, 2007 3:31 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:31 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:32 PM

The movie love I guess I'm supposed to be ashamed of is Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I do love it, own it even, but I'm not ashamed.

Erin beat me to it, but I am rather ashamed of my love for Overboard. The premise is appalling, and there's really no way around that. But I still find it hilarious after 20 years. And Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are so dang cute!

The best line in Sleeping with the Enemy (which I feel no shame about having greatly enjoyed) was -- SPOILER -- when Julia Roberts has her breaking-and-entering husband at gunpoint and tells the police on the phone "I've just shot an intruder." Tables. Turned.

Posted by: KRK at August 1, 2007 3:32 PM

Baby.

I think it has some sort of subtitle, but I can't remember it; it's the one where they discover some dinosaurs, and the baby brontosaurus gets separated from it's mommy for research purposes? I hadn't seen it for years until it was on the Spanish channel a few weeks ago, and I watched it. (And I don't speak Spanish). I loved this movie so much when I was a kid, and it still breaks my heart!

Posted by: Katie at August 1, 2007 3:33 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:33 PM

The Replacements, that delightful Keanu Reeves confection. Gene Hackman shows up, playing an outline drawing of a coach; the team is populated with stereotypes (of all races, I believe); the stripper-cheerleaders are exactly what you'd expect. It's best not to get into the "characterization" of the villian. But it's a satisfying and hearty piece of cheese, and my husband and I both love it.

"That one girl smacked the other girl on the ass!" C'mon! A movie needs no further defense, right? I mean, there's a whole industry that basically revolves around that line.

Posted by: bristlesage at August 1, 2007 3:34 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:34 PM

I love seeing all these entries! I too love Get Over It, Center Stage, Bring It On, and Teen Witch. The worst for me though is probably From Justin to Kelly. I bought it for $5 to see how bad it actually was, and its now one of the few movies I own that are "standards": if I don't have a specific movie I want to watch I'll throw one of them in. (Others include Center Stage, Camp, and Serenity)
The best thing about owning that movie, though, is shortly after I moved in with my boyfriend I came home from work and caught him watching it. He said he was just curious. It was as if I'd caught him with some particularly strange porn.

Posted by: superdeluxebabe at August 1, 2007 3:34 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:34 PM

Posted by: hopit at August 1, 2007 3:36 PM

Okay, two entries for Secret Shames:
Super Mario Brothers the movie. Yeah, this sucked hard. But what kid growing up with a love for the original NES wouldn't want to see this movie. It didn't hurt that Princess Toadstool(I think they called her Daisy in the movie) was super cute. I guess if I have to defend a guilty pleasure I would take a stand with Mario Bros.

Although, I must admit that Dusk til Dawn is still one of my favorite movies. And while Clooney, Rodriguez, Keitel, Tarrantino,etc are all names dropped to justify the film, I only need Salma Hayak to convince myself to pop it in the dvd player.

Posted by: The Cox at August 1, 2007 3:36 PM

Alright...Given that I've seen several flicks already mentioned and that I secretly own (oh yes...Hocus Pocus, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Howard the Duck, The Rock, The Craft, and Son-In-Law are all hidden away in a drawer with a few others out of prying eyes) I felt I had to dig deep to find some real shame.

For me shame comes in the form of Red Dawn. Oh yeah. Red. Dawn. How much more shameful can any movie be? Not only is there a pre Dirty Dancing Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze but also the glory that is C. Thomas Howell and Charlie Sheen and they're fighting Communists. Not only is the dialouge horrid ( "Come on, buddies! Come and get 'em! Shoot straight for once, you Army pukes.") the plot more than just a little ridiculous even for 1984 (Cubans and Russians working together to invade the USA? Starting in Colorado? Sure...) but then you've got to stomach character actors like Hary Dean Stanton and Powers Boothe hamming their way through while cashing a paycheque.

Despite all of this though I have a strong affection for the Wolverines-it was one of the few videos my Grandparents had for their betamax (Karate Kid, Wizard of Oz, Iron Eage, and another shameful secret Uncommon Valour). It was also one of the few movies that all of us grandkids could agree to watch given that it had some romance thrown in for us girls (and Jennifer Grey and Lea Thompson giving some girl power performances) and lots of blood and gore for the boys. Hell, once we were kicked out of the house and told to go play in the 80 acres of forest that was the back yard you can bet your bottom dollar that the whole troop of us re-inacted the whole she-bang.

Sure, as the youngest kid I was always a Commie and always got killed but it was about the only time all of us kids got along during the months of summer when our parents all shipped us up North and out of their hair til school started again. Hmmm...Maybe that's why I ended up as a teenage socialist?

Posted by: Ms. Parker at August 1, 2007 3:37 PM

I LOVE Hocus Pocus.

But my secret shame is...Stick It.

It makes me want to be a gymnast. And I also get a welling sense of pride after the bitchy girl inevitably pulls out her bra strap in a act of solidarity.

Posted by: Stacey at August 1, 2007 3:38 PM

I third Seven Brides for Seven Brothers...I'll admit I got married in June specifically because "They say when you marry in June, you'll always be a bride."

My mother started it. She'd make my brothers and I watch it at least once a month when we were kids. And whenever one of us got a boyfriend/girlfriend they too were subjected to a viewing. My brother still occasionally calls me singing "Bless Your Beautiful Hide" or "Sobbin Women"

My mom was Seven Brides For Seven Brothers...and my dad was The Neverending Story. That piece of garbage was forced upon us whenever we were bad. I still have nightmares about those two laser-shooting statues...and don't get me started on that wolf thing.

Posted by: TO at August 1, 2007 3:39 PM

To Constances, "Hocus Pocus" was totally my choice, too, and I couldn't agree more. However, to name another one, I'll have to say...

"The Adventures Of Hercules" (that's Hercules 2, all of you). It stars Lou Ferrigno and some of the worst 80's effects ever committed to film. The bad guys can shoot lasers (yes, lasers!) and do so, repeatedly, throughout the entirety of the movie; best thing is, the sound is the EXACT SAME ATARI-LIKE LASER SOUND EVERY TIME! Also, whenever anyone transports anywhere, it's the same laser sound again (except longer).

Also among its crimes is, well, Lou Ferrigno and his voice double, and evil monster that is pretty much the Id monster from "Forbidden Planet" and the absolute WORST. ending. battle. ever. It's in space. They shape shift into outlined laser forms. King Kong and a dinosaur. And then a snake.

So, all this, and yet I love to watch it. It makes me happy. I know this isn't much defending, but I do just love it, plain and simple. See it for yourselves, and you'll see what I mean. Or maybe you won't. Either way, it remains one of my favorite movies I've ever seen. But only you guys know that.

Posted by: alec! at August 1, 2007 3:39 PM

My secret shame is the catastrophic 1996 made-for-tv movie of Doctor Who, the classic british sci-fi series. It was a sad attempt to revive the show (which, at that point had been off the air for almost ten years) and also make it more exciting for an American audience. Of course, they aired it on the same nice that John Goodman had that heart attack on Roseanne. I'm sure you don't need to be tell who won between those two.

The reasons that the Doctor Who movie is awful are well-documented, and although Doctor Who is cool again (thanks to David Tennant,) there are absolutely no redeeming qualities to this movie. None. Zip. The plot is laughable. The writing is awful. The special effects- Ugh.

But some of the reasons that it is awful are the reasons why I love watching it, over and over. The producers cast the world's tallest woman to play the romantic lead opposite Paul McGann, thus making him look like England's shortest actor. There is an utterly pointless and unbelievable romance, breaking half the taboos in the series- for basically no good reason. The Doctor spends the first quarter of the movie either unconscious, or running around barefoot screaming "I have two hearts!" Dr. Grace (the aforementioned World's Tallest Woman) performs open-heart surgery wearing a ballgown. Not just any ballgown, but a full-on green satin Cinderella number with matching elbow-length gloves.

And for all these reasons and more, I secretly and shamefully love the 1996 Doctor Who television movie.

Posted by: Jen at August 1, 2007 3:39 PM

Thank you for justifying my love of "The Rock." All this time I thought I loved it because the first time I saw it I was too young to know better.

There is one movie that I can watch again and again, especially because I haven't seen it since HBO started getting real programming and stopped running this movie three times a day:

Just One of the Guys

I could probably act out the entire movie for you right now, but I have to get back to work.

Posted by: Noelle at August 1, 2007 3:40 PM

As long as we're throwing out BIO lines:

"This is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. And I'm pulling rank."
"You're being a cheertator Torrence! And a pain in my ass!"

Posted by: Ben at August 1, 2007 3:41 PM

Um. That sentence up there in the first paragraph ought to read "don't need to be told." How shame-making.

Posted by: jen at August 1, 2007 3:41 PM

Zeppellyn, you can always blame the love for Center Stage on the power of Peter Gallagher's eyebrows. They should have a separate billing from Mr. Gallagher.

Bring it On is the best movie for hangover days and one of the few in which Kristen Dunst is likable. Plus, it has cheerleaders!!

Second entry into the hall of shame: Can't Hardly Wait. A late 90's movie starring Lauren Ambrose, Seth Green, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Melissa Joan Hart and Ethan Embry. It is funny, cute, sweet, and makes you remember everything good, bad and ugly about those last days of high school.

My final entry is: Baseketball. The movie made by Trey Parker and Matt Stone before the South Park movie. You truly cannot get more stupid than this movie and that is coming from someone who sat through Spice World. I am for some strange inexplicable reason drawn to it, possibly because it seemed funnier while hungover and it requires absolutely no thought whatsoever. However, it might kill brain cells. The story revolves around two slackers who start a new game in their driveway called baseketball, a cross between basketball and baseball. A spectacularly awful movie.

Dustin, to the Pauly Shore list, you really should add Bio-dome. It does co-star the least useful of the Baldwins.

Arnold really should have hung it after Last Action Hero. Then we would have missed Jingle All The Way and Batman and Robin.

Posted by: Melody at August 1, 2007 3:41 PM

ok, deep breath... and release

Kevin Costner's The Postman.

I'm already a sucker for both westerns and post-apocalyptic visions of the future, so this slid nicely in between. When I saw this (in the theater no less), I had actually meant to see Titanic but I called a last minute audible over to The Postman and had zero regrets. Didn't wind up seeing Titanic for almost a year.

On the plus side: Will Patton at his scene-chewing best, Olivia Williams is constantly delicious, and of course Bill the thespian mule.

While some dialog makes me cringe ("Whazza postman?" and whenever Ford Lincoln Mercury opened his mouth, my love of this movie has continued unabated even though I have never met anyone else at all that even thought it was just okay

Capping it all off, one friend who expressed horror at my love of this movie told me to read the book so I could see what a bastardization the movie was of David Brin's "classic." Of course, after I read the book, all I could think was "The movie was soooo much better."

Posted by: Andrew at August 1, 2007 3:41 PM

Katie - There's no shame in loving Baby!!! I loved it too, so so much. Do you think it's still in circulation? I know I made my mom rent it pretty much every week when I was about 5 or 6.

Posted by: b at August 1, 2007 3:42 PM

Sadly, as a teen, I really never "got" what was sooooo bad about Howard the Duck....There were many worse flicks out at the time, like, oh, say The Night of the Comet for instance.

1. Bachelor Party--I've seen this too many times to count...fresh outta Bosom Buddies Tom Hanks marrying Tawny Kitaen...bad bad bad taste humor (mule sex partner of belly dancer snorts coke at said party and keels over) Love it! ("A little vino would be keeno....")

2. Stayin' Alive--the gut wrenchingly bad "sequel" to Saturday Night Fever. Actually caught it a couple of weeks ago late at night and was glued 'til the end. The cheesefest dance finale was morbidly bad, but sadly John Travolta's ripped body and actually great dance talent circa 1983 overruled all... Finola Hughes had a bit of a Joan Collins 'tude about her that was laughably entertaining as well.

3. Class--Young Rob Lowe (unnaturally beautiful in 1983) and a hot 40-ish Jacqueline Bissett as a nympho...too bad Lowe played her son--I would've loved to see film of him and Bissett gettin' it on!!

Posted by: Courtney at August 1, 2007 3:42 PM

But would anyone like to say something about Electrojuice?

Posted by: JMW at August 1, 2007 3:43 PM

My biggest guilty pleasure is "The Mighty Ducks". When I was a child, my cousin and I would fall asleep to this movie nearly every night. There was just something about the redemption of Gordon Bombay that had us re-watching that movie every night.
Along the road to redemption, you meet his hockey mentor, Hans. I can't describe how much I wanted an old, foreign man to help me realize my true skills and personality.
Of course, you couldn't have this movie without the class wars. The Ducks come from the poor side of town. They are true underdogs. Then Banks is forced to join the team from the rich side of town. Of course, there is the initial hatred, but eventually the Ducks come to love him as he risks his hockey career to score a goal.
My cousin and I had huge crushes on two characters. Fulten Reed and Charlie Conway were our dream men. Fulten was the tough silent type. He was so hardcore. Charlie was the cute boy that you always root for. As I was tougher than my cousin, Fulten was my pretend boyfriend and Charlie was hers.
How can you hate a film with the crowd cheering "Quack! Quack! Quack!"

Posted by: Emily at August 1, 2007 3:45 PM

Oh yeah, Angela, The Pirate Movie. LOVE The Pirate Movie. Christopher Atkins and singing pirates. Hmmm.

Posted by: KRK at August 1, 2007 3:46 PM

"CABIN BOY" Aw yeah that movie is great. You got Chris Elliot in his innocent retard glory, a who's who of actors from his "Get A Life" series, David Letterman, and Rickie Lake as the mast figure of the "Filthy Whore". This movie made such an impact on me, I did six years in the Navy. Sadly the punishing abuse the Chris Elliot takes in the film is more realistic than "Top Gun". Best Naval Film Ever!!!

Posted by: Diablo at August 1, 2007 3:46 PM

OK, last BIO line:

"Why does everyone have to go on a diet?"
"Because in cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high."

(Much funnier if you're actually watching it).

Posted by: em at August 1, 2007 3:46 PM

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch-it's the one Halloween movie that has nothing to do with Michael Myers. It also has nothing to do with plot, good acting and writing or anything that goes into making a quality film. And I love it forever. Happy happy Halloween from Silver Shamrock! Modern day witches chip off pieces of a stolen rock from Stone Henge and put the pieces into Halloween masks that will kill children on Halloween when they wear the masks while watching a digital jack o'lantern blink like a strobe light on TV! HOORAY!!!

The Beverly Hillbillies movie-I try to justify it to myself by saying "Well, Lily Tomlin, Dabney Coleman and Dolly Parton are all in it so it's kind of like watching 9 to 5 and that's good, right? RIGHT??!!" But really, I just love its brazen stupidity. I love Jim Varney as Jed, Diedrick Bader as Jethro, Cloris Leachman as Granny and, oh dear God, Rob Schneider and Leah Thompson as the bad guys.

Posted by: Regan at August 1, 2007 3:46 PM

"The Fifth Element"

I cannot turn away when it's on cable. I watched it so much my wife bought me the DVD, which I quickly hid at the bottom of the DVD drawer (I'll never CHOOSE to watch it, the movie must come to me on TBS, TNT, or whatever - I think that's another criterion of the "secret shame")

But how to defend it? Well, it's got Bruce Willis playing...Bruce Willis. Chris Tucker is way beyond over-the-top well before he his whole over-the-top shtick stopped being funny, and has one the best movie afros ever created. Gary Oldman is evil - nuff said. And Milla Jovovovovich (or however the fuck it's spelled)runs around kicking ass while saying very little, and wearing even less. And for some reason I can't stop saying the word "MULTI-PASS" in that weird accent for the next week each time I watch this flick.

Posted by: Perl at August 1, 2007 3:47 PM

I must say, Equilibrium. I only realized it was 'guilty' when everyone I mentioned it to laughed at me and then whispered to each other. But I can't help it. The gun-fu was great to watch. The not-so-subtle allusions to antidepressants and mood-medications in general touched a soppy, tender spot in me. I could (agonizingly) relate to Bale's character and the importance of numbness in that society. No matter how smarmy or contrived it might seem to others, Equilibrium remains one of my favourites. I don't care if others think the social commentary is obvious and clumsy. For me, it just rings true. Bale is always nice to watch, the special effects are fun, and the story might not be deep, but it's engaging. I feel like a kid when I watch it - cool and uncool don't exist. I'm just watching an awesome movie that makes me want to engage in gun-to-gun combat to a techno soundtrack while being a ridiculously hardcore badass.

Posted by: Lola at August 1, 2007 3:47 PM

Holy Crap!
How could I not have included Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.....?????
Maxwell's Silver Hammer sung by a gassed up Steve Martin....???? Genius!

Posted by: Courtney at August 1, 2007 3:47 PM

Cruel Intentions.
Con Air.
Reign of Fire.

Posted by: sheshakes at August 1, 2007 3:48 PM

But Brenda, "secretly they was overjoyed!"

Man alive, take away my feminist card because I know that 7Bfor7B is horrific, but I can't help but love it. Then when they all claim to be have been knocked up so daddy won't string up their men?

Count me in with the Cutting Edge fan club, but I think that is a true "guilty pleasure" that so many people (I know, at least) love it's not really *shameful*. "We're doing the Pamjanko!" "Because I'm in the mood to kick a little ass." "Just remember who said it first!"

Oh man, I like a lot of shitty movies. How about Girl's Just Want To Have Fun? A Pre-teen bitchtastic Shannon Doherty, SPJ in all her frizzy-haired glory all "I love to dance", Helen Hunt and those lizard earrings I absolutely craved and the suspenders? And then the dreamboat bad boy "dancer". I had to look him up- Lee Montgomery? Jonathan Silverman and "Tune in Tokyo". Oh I love that movie.

Posted by: lilianna28 at August 1, 2007 3:48 PM

I really have far too many, but I would have to include:

1) Wish Upon a Star- An old Disney Channel movie that actually stars Katherine Heigl, believe it or not. I have no excuse.
2) The Chipmunk Adventure- This is one of those that I watched when I was really little, so mostly I am just remembering "the good old days."
3) High School Musical- I want to hate this movie. I SHOULD have hated this movie. But I don't. I damn near loved it. And to add insult to the whole thing, I just might accidentally have to catch the sequel when it comes out later this month.... GA!!!

Posted by: mae at August 1, 2007 3:48 PM

Twister. I have absolutely no idea why I love this movie. It's a cliche-driven plot-hole-tastic entirely unbelievable story, told by a passle of actors who make the Liberty Oak look emotive while driving around Oklahoma finding enough big bad tornadoes to make them the meteorological equivalent of Powerball winners. It's one set of laughable ideas spot-welded onto another to create the most ludicrously half-assed modern sculpture of them all. It's got Bill Paxton as a stormchasing stud; Helen Hunt as some sort of scientific femme fatale, though she can barely pronounce half the words; a Brand-Spankin' New Invention that will save the world; a supervillain who has stolen the Brand-Spankin' New Invention and Sold Out To Corporate Sponsors and must therefore die. Not even Cary Elwes as the supposedly evil dude can save this movie. If the script had been used to wipe the ass of the Jolly Green Giant in pre-production, it might actually have helped the movie out some.

There's in fact no way this movie could have been more stupid. Helen Hunt in John Lennon glasses? Check. Dumb we-used-to-be-married jokes that make up half the movie's dialog? Check. Super meteorologists who can find every tornado but the one that nearly kills them all in a drive-in movie? Check. Car chases where tornadoes play the bad guys? Check. References to the Wizard of Oz, Oklahoma, and anything that might have to do with any geographic area where tornadoes might conceivably happen? Check. Hysterical female put into the movie solely to make the "heroine" look good? Check. Convenient ending of serious relationship with hysterical woman, who conveniently understands ending of said serious relationship, without any nastiness. Check. Ridiculously melodramatic music? Check. Tornadoes that know where you are and chase you down like the silly bitch you are...Do I really need to go on? Does anyone here not know how badly this movie sucks?

Let's face it, the movie sucks. In fact, in terms of movie suckage, it's got to be in the top 20 of all time. But I can't stop watching the damn thing. There is no defense, but just thinking about it made me put it on my to-do list for tonight. The only decision is whether to watch it on VHS or DVD. The shame is all mine.

Posted by: michelle at August 1, 2007 3:53 PM

Oh God, I can't stop: "Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass."

Posted by: Julie at August 1, 2007 3:54 PM

Teen Witch!!! I used to pester my Dad to rent that for me every time I went to stay with him, I must have watched it every other weekend for at least three years - God I loved that movie.

The disturbing thing about this comments section is that many of the "secret shame" movies listed are sitting in my DVD collection right now: Bring it On!, Drive me Crazy, She's the Man... even Crossroads, I mean I'll happily admit that I own the Will Ferrel/Nicole Kidman Bewitched, as well as the horrifying American Dreamz (and a lot of people's choices wouldn't even raise a flicker of disgust) so trust me when I say that my secret shame is horrifying:

I'm going to have to go with: Grease 2. I love this movie beyond words. I first owned it on VHS taped from the TV immediately followed by Teen Wolf (I cried when that tape died) I now have two copies one on VHS, one on DVD and the soundtrack. I am aware that I need help.

As to why I love it, there are so, so many reasons. First off we'll have to start with the cast: Michelle Pfeiffer, a young Rex Manning, Shatner's sidekick from TJ Hooker and Liza Minelli's half sister and that's just for starters. I'm still not over my love for the cheerleading twins but that's besides the point. Throughout the film the entire cast is doing some form of faux New Yorkian accent with the exception of Maxwell Caufield who is sporting the best crappy British accent in history. Of course all the accents slip throughout especially when singing. Which brings me on to the singing: Michelle Pfeiffer tries her hardest bless her but watching her sing a solo is excruciating right back round to the point of deliciousness. The songs themselves are so camp it's unreal. Sample Lyrics: "Who's that guy? The man on the cycle.. What would they say if they knew it was Michael?" I mean - how could you not love that? The song "Reproduction" alone deserves an award as does Maxwell Caufield's shaky ballad "Charades" complete with dramatic half lighting and wistful glances.

The plot is brilliant: It's like Grease... but in reverse! Because it's a guy who isn't cool and he's British not Australian! So it's not just the first Grease rehashed, at all! And it has motorcycles! And a talent show! And a luau! The whole thing is so camp and tacky that, for me, it spins around the "so bad it's good" cycle so many times that I often come away with some form of motion sickness.

And, yes. When I watch it I sing along.

I can't believe I just wrote an impassioned defense of Grease 2. If you'll excuse me I have some obscure German cinema to watch in an effort to try and regain even a few cool points.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at August 1, 2007 3:54 PM

Who the hell is calling "The Cutting Edge" a guilty pleasure? "The Cutting Edge" is cinematic gold. Anyone who doesn't like that movie is an idiot. So you should never feel ashamed to praise its name.

And I just don't believe in guilty pleasures. For instance, I fucking love "It Takes Two" with the goddamn, motherfucking Olsen twins, Kirstie Alley, and the King of All Awesomeness, Steve Guttenberg. And I don't feel guilty at all. Those little trolls are gajillionaires for a reason.

Also, my new craze is an enlightening lil' flick called "John Tucker Must Die". Pure. Solid. Gold.

So forget the guilt, friends. Just fucking own it, tattoo it on your forehead, and if anyone gives you shit, tie 'em to the railroad tracks.

Posted by: David at August 1, 2007 3:54 PM

Is that really the best you guys can do? C'mon. Your list isn't shameful at all. I also don't think I believe in the concept of guilty pleasures, at least not for myself, because I don't feel embarrassed about any of the movies I like, secretly or otherwise. I'll admit that I watch You've Got Mail or A Knight's Tale all the way through whenever they're played on TBS (which is nearly every weekend). I'll be damned if someone is going to make me feel bad for that. Come on folks, own your love of terrible movies!

Posted by: Lannie at August 1, 2007 3:55 PM

The Fifth Element was fucking awesome, and way too proud of itself to bother with shame.

... and it's 'Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend,' which may have been my first movie experience (the early years of Legend, Baby and Back to the Future all sort of meld together)

In total agreement. "The Postman" movie was the best that could be done with the book.

Posted by: twig at August 1, 2007 3:56 PM

The Sweetest Thing. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Posted by: Ginger at August 1, 2007 3:56 PM

Cabin Boy and Red Dawn are solid picks, but how about:

Cloak & Dagger w/ Henry Thomas and Dabney Coleman. That movie is for real.

Posted by: Harmonov at August 1, 2007 3:57 PM

Holy Crap! I just read through the entries and saw that someone else remembers Baby. I made EVERYONE watch that when they spent the night. Dinosaurs were my favorite animals as a kid. I think I still have it on VHS.
And I'll have to say that I have so much love for so many of the movies in the comment section and just about all of the ones from the main article. I can't help watching crap after all the good movies. Especially Bring it On and anything Pauly Shore.

Posted by: Emily at August 1, 2007 3:57 PM

John Williams, my mother would love you. She has an insane love of Home Alone, so much so that she starts to watch it, on a fairly regular basis, in November. My father thinks she's a wackadoo, but has finally realized that his complaining has done nothing to end her obsession. Two of my guiltiest pleasures are The Mummy and Gallexy Quest, so who am I to judge?

Posted by: mmmrmelia at August 1, 2007 3:57 PM

Ok, I think I may have terrible taste because I absolutely love half the movies that other people have posted. Most of them I don't feel remotely guilty about. I have to say though, and no one outside my family knows about this, I absolutely LOVE the movie Oklahoma.

In my defence, I grew up watching all those old musicals (Carousel, South Pacific, My Fair Lady, Show Boat, Singin' in the Rain, Sound of Music, Music Man etc) with my grandmother. Oklahoma was one that I would watch over and over though. I had every single song memorized (and still sometimes when I'm at my grandma's house, we sing "Kansas City" or "People will Say We're in Love" and bake pie). I even went to a special screening for the --th anniversary of the film at which Shirley Jones did a lovely introduction. Many of my friends (several of whom are self proclaimed "drama geeks" and so have a high tolerence for musical corniness) will not mention this movie except to make fun of it. And I can't blame them. It's full of camp and silliness and the ballet scene is long and absurd (even moreso than the Broadway Melody ballet from Singin' in the Rain). I still love it though. Please don't tell anyone.

Posted by: Cass at August 1, 2007 3:59 PM

Someone may have already said this, but my movie is Fear w/ Reese Witherspoon, Marky Mark and Alyssa Milano. It features terrible, terrible, terrible dialogue, a psycho boyfriend and a slutty friend (Milano). I haven't seen it in a few years, but I remember always being entertained by how ridiculously over the top it is. For example: the scene in which Wahlberg hits himself repeatedly to make it look like the dad (Grissom from CSI) beat him up, or the part where he busts up the dad's car and leaves him a note that says "now I've popped both your cherries" (or somethin like that, memory is slightly hazy on that part). Also there is a ridiculous moment where Wahlberg pleasures Witherspoon on a rollercoaster, which my friends all thought was suuuuper scandalous back in the day. Anyway, it entertains the crap out of me.

Posted by: Kristen at August 1, 2007 4:00 PM

I love Seven brides for Seven brothers too! SO this is what it feels like when doves cry....

Posted by: bnvixen at August 1, 2007 4:01 PM

Point Break. I was ecstatic when Nick Frost asked: "Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone 'ahh'?" in Hot Fuzz! I don't know what the attraction is, but I love me some Johnny Utah.

Oh my god! Watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers has been an annual tradition for my best friend and I for years. The "Potted Meat" brothers send us into fits of giggles. The amazing choreography, the incredibly goofy lyrics ("a man can't sleep when he sleeps with sheep"), the quilted dress, the over the top acting, the fact that someone is named 'Dorcas'--we love it all! We even picked out "the brother" we'd have preferred to be kidnapped by, mine being Caleb and hers Frankincense ('cause he smelled so sweet--haha). I know, sad right?

Posted by: kelley at August 1, 2007 4:01 PM

Not sure if this is a guilty pleasure, but I could watch Bugsy Malone 10 times a day for the next 50 years. One of my top 10 faves of all-time, for better or worse.

Posted by: Harmonov at August 1, 2007 4:01 PM

No thanks, Courtney, two on a quaalude is bad luck.

Posted by: wsapnin at August 1, 2007 4:01 PM

Posted by: Cassie at August 1, 2007 4:02 PM

Ice Castles (1978).
LOVED it from the first viewing as a 9 yr old.
I was a figure skater.
No sleepover was complete without watching and having a sobfest with fellow skater friends....full-body, shuddering SOBS!
Ok - I NEED to find that movie ASAP and will not rest until I watch it again.

Posted by: Michelle at August 1, 2007 4:03 PM

OK, the line has been crossed.

Point Break is not a guilty pleasure. Point Break is perhaps the greatest movie ever.

Tread carefully around that one.

Posted by: David at August 1, 2007 4:03 PM

God help me, I adore The Chipmunk Adventure. It's got everything-- bad 80s pop music, crappy animation, and even for a cartoon it has plot so stupid it makes Howard the Duck read like Sophie's Choice. And yet I still get weepy when the Chipettes sing that song about missing their mothers while they cradle a sick baby penguin.

Maybe the only thing better than the orginal is the German dubbing of "The Girls of Rock and Roll" on youtube.

Posted by: EJ at August 1, 2007 4:03 PM

Freaked, aka Hideous Mutant Freekz

This movie is the perfection of everything and I no longer want to hide my secret. You have deception, you have drama, you have Brooke Shields in the role of her lifetime.

You finally have an answer to the important questions in life like what would it be like for Bob(cat) Goldthwait to be a talking sock or for Mr. T to be the toughest bearded lady you've ever seen. More importantly, you have the tearful reunion of Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter as Ortiz the dog boy and Ricky Coogin, respectively.

I don't if it was the Rastafarian eyeball guards, twelve milkmen, or Morgan Fairchild, but I will watch this movie from beginning to end every time.

Posted by: Dusty at August 1, 2007 4:03 PM

While I wholeheartedly adore Snake Eater in all its cheesy glory, I don't know if it qualifies as in my eyes it falls into the so-bad-its-good category. Also, I will gladly admit my love of this film to anyone and recommend they watch it. Weekend At Bernie's II might fit, seeing as it's just plain bad, and not in the so-bad-its-good category. Man, I love that movie. I can't explain it. Its possibly because of my childhood crush on Andrew McCarthy. But come on, that whole voodoo thing where Bernie would dance whenever music was played? Is totally awesome.
I have to say though, that my absolute secret shame is this terrible made for tv movie from 1994 based on a Harlequin romance novel called A Change of Place, about identical twin sisters, one a model in Paris and the other an art history student in the U.S. When the model sister is forced to enter rehab, her twin takes her place and secretly pretends to be a runway model for a month so that her sister's reputation wouldn't be ruined. Bad acting, including one Rick Springfield, a terrible musical score, and a horrible story combine to make one piece of crap film. Yet, anytime it's aired on Lifetime or the W Network, I'll sit there, glued to my tv, and while I may mock it and pretend to be enjoying it ironically, deep down I really, really love it.

Posted by: minerva_smurf at August 1, 2007 4:04 PM

wow...I actually saw 3 Ninjas at the theater. Favorite part is when the Pizza Dudes a.k.a. kidnappers break into the house and hijinx ensue. And of course all the Rocky Loves Emily. I'm hanging my head in shame.

Then of course there's Breakin' and Electric Boogaloo (sp?) and who remembers Rad, starring Aunt Becky from Full House and that Send Me An Angel song. Breakdancing and BMX bikes...the 80s were phenom.

Posted by: TO at August 1, 2007 4:04 PM

Hmm..."Half a Sixpence" because it is possibly the WORST musical, EVER, that was not written by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

"FernGully: The Last Rainforest". The girl down the street from me was an only child and was in possession of all sorts of this mind-numbing dreck to make up for the fact that she didn't have any siblings. I used to go over to her house and watch this while we'd play with PollyPockets and those flower toy things that had a key you'd turn to make them open up to show the fairy living inside..God, the nineties rocked.

"Babes In Toyland", the eighties version with Drew Barrymore, Pat Morita, Keanu Reeves, and Eileen Brennan. It's absolutely the stupidest version, even surpassing the Annette Funicello one, but I watch it every Christmas...and maybe a few other times a year.

And..."Return to Oz". I wouldn't be surprised if this movie is what made Fairuza Balk go all nutty. I am years past the age where this movie should creep me out, but the Wheelers are still the most disturbing henchmen I've ever seen in a movie.

I LOVE "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers". And you're absolutely right, Lilianna, Benjamin was sexy.

Posted by: Geetch at August 1, 2007 4:05 PM

Two words: Spice World.

Seeing that movie as an 11 year old during the height of what I have termed "spice-fever" was a revelation.

I've seen it several times since then and even though the more highly functioning parts of my brain tell me "seriously, you should go watch some paint dry. that would be far more intellectually stimulating than this", I can't help loving the scene where Posh can't decide what to wear (the little black Gucci dress or the other little black Gucci dress).

AND not to mention the climactic bus-jumping-across-bridge-but-you-can-totally-tell-its-fake part. Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

Oh, and if anyone wants to go to the Spice Girls reunion tour together, let me know.

Posted by: clarevoyance at August 1, 2007 4:05 PM

Any "Ernest P. Worrell" movie, as in:

Ernest Goes to Camp

Ernest Saves Christmas

Ernest Goes to Jail

Ernest Scared Stupid

Ernest Goes to School

Slam Dunk Ernest

Oh yeah, baby. FEEL the shame!!

Posted by: boo aka nexus 6 at August 1, 2007 4:05 PM

Posted by: TO at August 1, 2007 4:06 PM

First, let me comment on First Knight. I actually own that movie on VHS. I got it for a present like ten years or so ago. It's a bad movie. It's really bad, but I have soft spot for Sean Connery and Richard Gere. Plus, I always wanted some guy to give me water by thoughtfully arranging leaves on a tree during a torrential downpour.

Now onto my extremely shameful pleasure. There are few things in this world that I will vehemently deny. Generally, if I like something, I will admit to it, even if it is extremely low brow. I concede that beneath my love for Proust and Kubrick, I adore this little misbegotten movie titled "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians." The general gist of the movie is Martian children are sad because they watch Earth television during Christmas time and realize that they don't have Christmas on Mars. The Martian parents want their children to just study science and be little adults; however, the kids want to just have fun and have Christmas. Well, the Martian parents give into their childrens' whims and try to have Christmas for their kids. The Martian parents have no idea how to make Christmas, so they kidnap Santa Clause. The rest of the movie is about saving Santa Clause from one of the evil Martian guys and getting him back to Earth to save Christmas for both the Earth and Martian children. This movie was made in the 1960s, and the effects budget must have been like $30.00 because some of the costumes are scuba diving suits painted green or PVC pipe painted dark blue attached to a Martian's head. But whatever, this movie is great for so many reasons. First, it has the cheeziest theme song that I have ever heard. Here's the link to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTKIBnV84zs I mean if this song doesn't make you laugh or smile, then you are a cold person. Second, this movie is full of unintentional humor. From the ridiculous and clunky dialog to the poor production value (I mean people are seriously wearing scuba masks and plumbing equipment on their heads thinking this makes them Martians), this movie is absolutely hilarious. Third, did you hear that song? If you aren't singing "Hooray for Santy Clause" in your head for the next week, then you obviously are immune to the wave of catchiness (I know catchiness is not a word). If you have never seen this movie, I would suggest you watch it at least once in your lifetime. It's completely absurd and fun, exactly what a guilty pleasure should be.

Posted by: Gigi Worthington at August 1, 2007 4:07 PM

I'll have to go with Bride of Chucky, and since no one in the previous 100 comments has mentioned it I guess this must be a genuinely vile film. But, really, what's not to like? You get Jennifer Tilly's baby-girl-gone-bad voice, some outstandingly gruesome special effects, and a clear sense that everyone involved knew they were making a piece of crap and just enjoyed the hell out of it. Plus, the hottest doll/puppet sex scene this side of Team America.

Posted by: Mr. Atoz at August 1, 2007 4:07 PM

AMEN to:

Hudson Hawk, which I SWEAR "The Matrix" and several other movies ripped off for their premise or their zany/unique/wacky touches. It was prophetic, people! I own it and have studied it and am therefore probably more prepared than anyone else for every possible contingency.

The Money Pit, which I forced my honey to watch with me when we bought a house. Nothing is better than Tom Hank's meltdown after the tub crashes through the floor. I hear that braying, choking, insane laugh inside my head when things are going very, very wrong. As they do.

Let me add: the classic that is Weird Al Yankovic's "UHF." It's a touching tale of goodness, innocence and a mop.

One more: I saw "Drop Dead Fred" no less than 6 times in the theater. I think I represent a shockingly large percentage of that movie's final box office take. Quite an accomplishment, no? Perhaps deserving of a prize? If not, no worries; I'll always have my imaginary friend to give me prizes.

Posted by: just me at August 1, 2007 4:07 PM

Clarevoyance,

My friends and I all signed up for the Spice Girls tour contest (whatever). You're welcome to join if we cash in on tickets. We can watch "Spice World" before the show to get pumped up.

Posted by: David at August 1, 2007 4:08 PM

I had to be dragged, kicking and screaming to see "George of the Jungle," but then I really liked it. Perhaps it was because my expectations were so low. To be honest, they could have given me 2 hours of Brendan Fraser dancing around the fire in a loin cloth and I would have been happy. I'd never seen the appeal in him before that.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 1, 2007 4:08 PM

Posted by: Gigi Worthington at August 1, 2007 4:08 PM

Nate and Hayes.

(bow)

Posted by: The Great Mango at August 1, 2007 4:08 PM

I have so many guilty pleasures, it's impossible to name them all. I found myself nodding my head along with many of the other commenters' selections.

My biggest weakness is Emotionally Manipulative Chick Flicks Where a Character Dies, and the Protagonist Learns a Lesson About Life and Love. (The Notebook, Moulin Rouge, A Walk to Remember, etc.) The biggest, most shameful one that I love the most is Hope Floats. It's completely manipulative and ridiculous, but dammit if I don't cry the entire movie. The scene where Sandra Bullock's daughter is trying to stop her father from leaving just wrecks me like nothing else in the entire world. It's like it's my own father leaving or something (which didn't happen in real life, so I don't know why it gets to me so much). Guh. I'm getting upset just thinking about it.

So...yeah. Hope Floats. Yikes.

Posted by: Carrie at August 1, 2007 4:10 PM

Posted by: Gigi Worthington at August 1, 2007 4:10 PM

Oh Lord, I loved Spice World. I think it had the worst dubbing of any movie ever made. Classic!

And now I have to go and get myself a copy of the Super Mario Brothers Movie, I saw it as a kid and damn I remember loving it.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at August 1, 2007 4:10 PM

I can't believe you're going to drag this out of me. I would never even admit to my husband that I love this movie. It's Overboard. The one with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, where she is a rich heiress who falls overboard from her yacht and loses her memory. Kurt Russell finds her and decides to make her think she's his wife to get back at her for screwing him out of some money on a carpentry job he did on the yacht. There's three boisterous boys involved who need some mother learnin', the building of a dream miniature golf course, white trash bars, yadda yadda. That's the last I'll ever speak of this.

Posted by: katy at August 1, 2007 4:13 PM

When I first watched "Madhouse" with Kirstie Alley and John Larroquette, I had no idea what the title was. Whenever, it came on tv I was drawn to it until I finally gave in and bought the dvd. It's embarrassing to admit that I liked anything with Kirstie Alley in the film but this movie had so many great things.

1. Drugs-A cat sniffing coke!
2. 80s greed-even though it came out in '90 it still had women with big shoulder pads complaining that their husband didn't give them enough alimony
3. Relatability- Who hasn't had unwanted houseguests stay for ridiculously long periods of time destroying your house and relationship in the process?
4. A skinny Kirstie Alley-Say what you will about her now but she was sexy back in the day
5. Dennis Miller! I love every horrifying movie he's ever been in.

Posted by: Lex at August 1, 2007 4:14 PM

HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS, WIMBLEDON, & FIRST DAUGHTER!!!!

Posted by: JonBenet Bjork at August 1, 2007 4:15 PM

I think pretty much all of mine have been said, so maybe they're not as shameful as I thought? Anyway...
Hocus Pocus
Can't Hardly Wait
Stayin' Alive
BRING IT ON!

As long as we ARE doing Bring It On quotes... "I know you have underwear up your ass right now, but it sure beats the hell out of a shattered skull." *flicks her nose with an awesome little sound effect*

OH...and Top Secret! It's awfully delightful, especially Val Kilmer's performance where he's sticking his head in an oven and laying on train tracks...and then gets hoisted into the rafters by a guitar on strings.

Posted by: noxbu at August 1, 2007 4:17 PM

My runner up that I just thought of would have to be Three Amigos. I'll watch that whenever it's on some random channel, which is more often than you'd think.

Posted by: katy at August 1, 2007 4:18 PM

Back to School does it for me. Shameful I know, but i has it all--the geek who wins the babe, the wacky and eccentric Robert Downey Jr., Sam freaking Kinison, the ever-so-witty Rodney Dangerfield in swim trunks, poetry and Oingo Boingo playing live in a college dorm. What more does a movie need? And...and, Thornton Melon had a jacuzzi in his dorm room. Way cool!

Posted by: LZ at August 1, 2007 4:18 PM

b and Emily; wow, I'm also surprised there are Baby fans out there! I should look for it on DVD.

And twig-thanks for filling in the subtitle. You've saved me some innernet searchn'.

I also love Biodome. I'll watch it if it's on TV, which is also the only way I've seen it.

Posted by: Katie at August 1, 2007 4:20 PM

Cruel Intentions, You've Got Mail and My Best Friend's Wedding, I just can't keep my eyes off od them. I know every line of dialogue. And Bring it On of course.

Posted by: Gaby at August 1, 2007 4:20 PM

Blonde Savant, you're about 25, maybe 26, right?

You had my childhood. Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealers was my first big screen thrill. I have the songs on my iPod. "Rainbow Brite and me..." indeed.

My sister just found The Last Unicorn on YouTube - we only remembered select visions, but couldn't recall anything else - and was blown away by how creepy it was. And Return to Oz, in all it's head swapping glory, is just awesome.

Posted by: Pigwidgeon at August 1, 2007 4:21 PM

I'm also inclined to disagree with the notion that any of these movies are shameful. Enjoying trashy, cheesy or just plain terrible movies is all part of loving movies in general, and doesn't mean you have bad taste or are incapable of appreciating the odd honest to god good flick that occasionally finds its way through the Hollywood clusterfuck. I say just own it.

I, for instance, laugh my ass off every time I watch Bad Boys 2 (and come on, who doesn't hate Michael Bay?) and the Sweetest Thing. I also have a ridiculous love for any of those cheesy dance movies ie; Center Stage, Take the Lead, Step Up, Save the Last Dance, even Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Posted by: MG at August 1, 2007 4:22 PM

I can't believe someone else is wallowing in my Grease 2 shame.

I'll be your girl for all seasons
I guess my secondary shame is Casual Sex with Leah Thompson and Andrew Dice Clay as the romantic lead (?!).

Oh, and I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'm pretty sure it's not Beverly DeAngelo in Hocus Pocus.

Posted by: ShannonAnn at August 1, 2007 4:22 PM

Ok, TK! My man REFUSES to watch Conan with me!! I can't believe it. It is qual-i-tay.

"Steel isn't strong, boy. Flesh is stronger! Look around you. There, on the rocks. A beautiful girl. Come to me, child..."

Oh Thulsa Doom!

"What is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before, and hear the lamentations of the women." (Best heard in Arnold accent, served shaken and cold.)

Posted by: boo aka nexus 6 at August 1, 2007 4:24 PM

Twins. Love it.
"Well, you've learned to waltz. Now it's time to introduce you to the wonderful world of getting shit-faced."

Posted by: raspberry beret at August 1, 2007 4:25 PM

So much word to the Overboard people -- I find that stupid (and, let's face it, deeply offensive) movie compulsively watchable. It combines the appeal of Private Benjamin (bitchy rich Goldie) with the wacky hijinx of a sitcom. Or maybe it's because I live in Oregon, and it so accurately reflects our backwoods life?

Reign of Fire is so awesome, is it really a guilty pleasure? Christian Bale is always a pleasure for which I feel no guilt. To truly enjoy, pronounce the name like my friend does: "REIGN! OF! FIRE!"

An excellent guilty pleasure is Ginger Snaps, a low-low-budget movie from Canada about teenage angst and werewolves. I'm pretty sure it is taking itself seriously, but that doesn't mean you have to.

My truest guilty pleasure of all is Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Is Kevin Smith a bad writer, a worse actor, and an exorable director? Perhaps. But the setup, the cameos, and even (especially) the meta keep me in helpless giggles the whole time.

Posted by: LauraP at August 1, 2007 4:27 PM

Pretty sure Shannon is right.

Beverly DeAngelo is a no show in Hocus Pocus. The mom is Stephanie Faracy.

Posted by: David at August 1, 2007 4:28 PM

Don't Tell Her It's Me

It's so bad. I am completely ashamed.

Posted by: Jen at August 1, 2007 4:32 PM

Best movie ever that I would tell no one about: Teen Wolf. Come on, it's Michael J. Fox's other teen sci-fi, fish out of water comedy that came out in 1985. Except, instead of cool Christopher Lloyd as the old guy sidekick, its goofy ass (who?) James Hampton. And instead of an intimidating villian like the highly underrated Thomas Anderson as Biff, you got some guy that stole his schtick from Johnny in Karate Kid. And instead of cool, disappearing/flying car special effects, it's stop-motion hair growing effects that look like something taken from the original Godzilla. Wow, this movie sounds like crap! Cuz it is, but I don't care. Watching Fox's character try to hide himself from his fellow high schoolers as he morphs against his will to the wolf. It reminds me of when I accidentally took a dump in my pants in ninth grade and had to narrowly avoid everyone so I could run home and change. And when Fox gets the girl in the end its nothing short of inspirational. It calls for cheesy, 80's style high fives amongst all who are watching. I hope everyone enjoyed my pick. With that said, I could use a new shirt and some stationary...$50 worth to be exact.

Posted by: Chaz at August 1, 2007 4:34 PM

Welcome home Roxy Carmichael.
Winona Ryder plays Dinky (a nickname I've never understood), an adopted girl who's convinced that her small town's celebrity-Roxy-is her long lost mom. She dyes all of her clothes black, writes inappropriate poetry for school, and takes care of stray dogs by the river at an ark she's trying to build (I don't think it's ever made clear if she plans to sail off with them or what). Against reason, the pretty, popular boy falls for her, and prove his love, he fixes her ark in the middle of the night, and gets braces. Jeff Daniels and her guidance counselor are the adults that attempt to understand her. The movies a mess: Roxy's only claim to fame is that a song was written about her-which is sung throughout the movie by Melissa Etheridge, but the gay undertones are never really fleshed out (besides a quick scene that implies that one of the women in town slept with Roxy). Yet overall, it's about a girl trying to find her place, a theme I've always had trouble resisting.

Posted by: j.r. at August 1, 2007 4:35 PM

Okay. I'm gonna say it.
The Craft.
That wasn't so bad, was it? Sigh...

Posted by: raevan at August 1, 2007 4:35 PM

yikes!

1. Caveman: a movie that spawned a thousand garage band names including my favorite -ZugZug

2. Cabin Boy: David Letterman, a sock monkey and a floating, talking cupcake - now that's quality!

I dare you to top that suckfest!

Posted by: summerteeth at August 1, 2007 4:36 PM

Ugh. Okay. And Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. I'm so glad we're *sharing* today.

Posted by: raevan at August 1, 2007 4:37 PM

To Lannie, who had concern with love for You've Got Mail: It's not that I watch it all the way through when it's on TBS, it's that I purchased the DVD and have watched it. I think that's where the guilt is.

"Can we just beat these buffies down so I can go home? I'm on curfew, girl."

Posted by: Ben at August 1, 2007 4:38 PM

FYI - Any Steve Martin movie up to and including Parenthood is NOT a guilty pleasure, it is simply a great flick.

Posted by: TKI at August 1, 2007 4:39 PM

Lex, I saw Madhouse on tv when I was in fifth grade. Now every time I hear "Bernadette" I can't help but picture that scene in the bar. I could never manage to watch the whole thing at once, so every time it came on I was drawn to it. I may never know why.

Posted by: Jen at August 1, 2007 4:40 PM

"When Friendship Kills"

The lifetime movie about eating disorders. We actually watched this in high school health class. Anyone else remember this one? With Lexi Anorexi?

Posted by: cree83 at August 1, 2007 4:41 PM

I'm so embarassed...but I've seen "Drumline" like 15 times. It's partly because I'm a marching band freak, partly because I have a secret crush on Nick Cannon. And it's dangerous...it's spawned a string of titles on my "i can't believe i just watched that" list, like You Got Served and Stomp the Yard. Help me...this is starting to get out of hand!

Posted by: mdw225 at August 1, 2007 4:42 PM

Re: Drumline
Oh...and I've had a crush on Jason Weaver since his "Thea" days...so that didn't help matters much at all. Dammit! Now I'm going to have to go home and watch it right after work. Again.

Posted by: mdw225 at August 1, 2007 4:44 PM

I support your choice of DVD purchases, Ben. I have Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors in my DVD collection! And Bordello of Blood. Yeah, Corey Feldman, Angie Everhart... hooker vampires. I'm not whether I have no shame or if I'm just awesome, but I lean towards believing the latter.

Posted by: Lannie at August 1, 2007 4:47 PM

John Tucker Must Die - I don't think movies get much worse than this but you can't help but love it! It happened to be on HBO one night and I decided to make my roommate watch it with me out of spite and the next thing you know I'm hooked. I mean who will Brittany Snow choose?? The Older Tucker or the little dorkier Tucker. I got to admit I was starting to think she was going to end up falling for the jackass Tucker (the older "cool" one). The whole thing is complete with a powerpoint presentation to illustrate how they are going to bring down Mr. John Tucker. They try everything from STD rumors, estrogen pills, and having part of the school see him wear a thong (poor boy thought he was going to get some sex) but nothing will bring this boy down - everything he does just makes him cooler. And it's complete with the entire male population wearing thongs to school so they are cool as John Tucker.

Ohh and if I haven't convinced you yet why this is so awesomely bad....Sophia Bush and Brittany Snow make out.

Posted by: Ashley at August 1, 2007 4:47 PM

Never before have I felt so connected to Pajibans. I usually agree with you, usually take your advice on tv shows, movies, books, always look forward to the witty banter in the comments section. But this is just too much. Ernest Saves Christmas? You've Got Mail? Bring It On? (Can't believe no one's mentioned the TWO sequels: Bring It On AGAIN-"Bring It. Oh, it's already been BROUGHTEN."- and Bring It On: All or Nothing starring our fave cheerleader Hayden Panettiere.) Center Stage? Stick It? Not only do I own (ON DVD) all of these films, I loooooove them. They are cheesy goodness that you just can't put down. They make you happy that you went to college. They confirm the suspicion you've always had that there is a studio somewhere run by 12 year old girls. They make me happy that I've found a community that not only shares my "pretentious" and "pedantic" viewpoint on today's films, but also shares in all of my secret shame. I love this place.

I also love......Troop Beverly Hills. That's right. Had it on VHS then upgraded to DVD. Shelley Long, at her finest leading the daughters of the creme de la creme of Hollywood through their customized scouting badges, "camping out" at the Beverly Hills Hotel, and selling thousands of cookies through one hairbrained scheme after another (street concert anyone?), is truly classic. Shelley Morrison of more recent Will and Grace fame uttering the infamous line: "Patches. We don't need no stinking patches." And the penultimate scene: the girls chanting to the finish line at the end of the movie: Beverly Hills what a thrill! Beverly Hills what a thrill!

What a thrill indeed.

Posted by: Sarah at August 1, 2007 4:48 PM

I have a movie that my family does not know that I have. It isn't porny or torturey either... it's just... animated.

All right... I own The Last Unicorn, a really nice copy with a shiny cover, the anniversary DVD. Without a doubt it is my secret shame. First of all, I've loved the book since I was ten years old. I don't know why people don't seem to read the book anymore either, it's a beautiful piece of work by Peter S. Beagle. Anyway, I got the movie from Netflix and my younger brother (by about a year) comes down and he's watching it with me, and he's mocking it.

Sam is full out telling me how cliche the story is, that it's so done having the "last member of a race" and I'm sitting there ignoring it. Trying, very hard, not to listen especially when my brother goes on about how this movie also has a wizard that makes lots of mistakes but in a pinch pulls off incredibly difficult magic.

Then a song comes on and my brother bursts out laughing hysterically. Yes, I know, it's America. Not the best musicians in the world, by far, but I'm just trying to listen and good ol' Sam is laughing his ass off. (It was even worse when Mia Farrow started to sing, even I will admit she shouldn't have done that.)

Long story short, we finish and I still haven't had a chance to really "see" the movie anyway because Sam has been telling me non-stop that it's a piece of shit and that the animators have obviously never looked at a horse and they think that potatoes are good substitutes for noses.

I decide to try again with my eleven year old sister. I thought, "Hey, she always complains that I never watch movies with her and half the movies I get she can't see." I naively belived that The Last Unicorn would solve my problems.

She laughed just as hard.

Now, by then I have decided that I love the movie. I just need to hide my love. We are Romeo and Juliet, a distant Barnes and Noble the priest that joined us in holy matrim- consumerism.

So, why do I love this movie? You obviously see how guilty this makes me, but where is the pleasure?

I immediately fell in love with the innocence of this movie, how it really wasn't trying to be a great epic it was just a unicorn that was trying to find out what happened to other unicorns and along the way she completed some people and stole someone's heart.

Also, the CAST. Mia Farrow had the perfect voice for this elegant and ephemeral creature, she doesn't sound quite human and she gets the character. She shouldn't have sung but that's different. Also, before Christopher Lee was Saruman locked up in a tower he was King Haggard locked up in a tower. Also, we have an Oscar winner in the cast! See Alan Arkin who played Schmendrick the bumbling magician. And don't anyone try to argue (thrice nominated) Angela Lansbury as Mommy Fortuna she was fierce. Then there was Jeff Bridges, "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski, as Prince Lir. He also gets to sing, it's not his strong suit but we'll let him get away with it.

Is the animation good? Not really because it's extremely stylized and there is much better out there (ie; what Disney used to be, most Don Bluth films - on a side note I am going to secure a copy of The Secret of Nimh next chance I get). However the animation does not bother me too much because I'll take it anyway.

As for the music - I own the soundtrack. Another guilty pleasure. What can I say, America was perfect for the film and I think there is a certain poetry to the lyrics.

Not to mention, there are some powerful scenes in this. Molly Grue yells at the Unicorn, asking her "Where were you when I was one of those young beautiful girls you always come to? And you come to me now, when I'm like this." The entire scene about "Creatures of Night, brought to Light" is well done as the Unicorn reveals what each of the "creatures" are (Midgard serpent an old snake, Manticorn a tootheless lion, Satyr is a chimp with a lame foot) while she and the Harpy is real, but she must wear a fake horn because no one would see her as a true unicorn (incredibly telling about what people believe by nature, if you ask me.)

Then the line that makes me start to tear up everytime, "She will remember you when men are stories written in books by rabbits. For she is the only unicorn that has known love, and regret." So in the end, even reunited with her kind, she is the only unicorn...

There. I've spilt my secret. I just hope my family never ever sees this site.

Posted by: the maljax at August 1, 2007 4:50 PM

Shannon & David:
According to IMDB you are both right on the dern money! Selective memory sure is a drag - I think I just really wanted Omri Katz to have the Griswolds as parents. Sigh:)

Posted by: Constance at August 1, 2007 4:52 PM

Good Burger with Kenan and Kel. I should know better, but I cannot help myself. I go to a pretentious liberal arts college and managed to convince my roommates to rent and watch this with me (though I saw it in the theater with my sister years ago) and it was even funnier than I remembered. And then I downloaded the "We're all dudes" song that goes along with it.

Oh the shame!

Posted by: lindsay at August 1, 2007 4:53 PM

Wow there are so many movies in there that I was going to say. I totally love overboard. My mom and I always watched it when it was on tv. I thought I was the only one. I also was going to to say Get Over It or Center Stage. But I guess mine will have to be A Chorus Line. I can't even get my friends to watch it with me. Also I really love Bye Bye Birdie, that is kind of shameful.

Posted by: Erin at August 1, 2007 4:54 PM

TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000

I love everything about this movie!

The way the phone rings.

Michael Richards as the butler, riding the mechanical animal in the closet and always sticking fake limbs in the doors as they're closing. The way he says "Transylvania 6 - 5 - oh - oh - oh," and "Is good, yeah? Is funny?"

The mad scientist who is completely normal once he leaves his lab. "I don't work with lightning! I work with all this other sh*t!"

Carol Kane as the hunchback's wife. "I'm not a witch! I'm your wife!"

The fortune teller, the mummy, the twisted man in the water, the wolfman, and Geena Davis as the sexy vampire with low self esteem. And, of course, Jeff Goldblum, Ed Begley Jr. and Jeffrey Jones. I could go on forever.

Posted by: Stephanie at August 1, 2007 4:56 PM

Good call on Howard the Duck! I had totally forgotten about that movie. Unfortunately it didn't stand up to an adult viewing so I had to nix it from my favorites list.
My shame movie would have to be Ella Enchanted. I actually had to buy the DVD on Amazon because I was too embarrased to rent it or buy it at a store. It's currently hiding in an opaque bag in the back of my closet. And I wont even dare watch it unless I know my roommate wont be home for hours.
And I can't even defend it, I have no idea why I love this movie. I don't think Anne Hathaway is that great of an actress and I absolutely HATE movies with singing and dancing.

Posted by: CJ at August 1, 2007 4:57 PM

Word to the Can't Hardly Wait and Grease 2 love.

Someone mentioned this above, but I didn't see a case for it, really so here we go:
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
This is a truly unapologetically bad movie full of plot holes that just makes me feel good every time I watch it. You've got your new kid who just wanted to move to Chicago to be on some dance TV show (Sarah Jessica Parker), but has an overprotective, overbearing military cliché for a father; the requisite wacky, rule-breaking sudden "best friend" for new kid (Helen Hunt); the hunky bad-ass guy who wants to dance (random 80s generically hunky guy), who has a dorky, entrepreneurial best friend and a 12 year old(ish) Shannen Dougherty as a sister; the bratty rich girl, set up as rival for "new kid," who wants her father to buy off the competition for the dance show, which he does by threatening hunky-guy's dad's job. And then there are the random punks and motorcycle gang who crash the rich girl's party, gymnist nuns, the "sexual tension" between the leads, and the wonderful 80s lights, clothes, and dancing styles. It's such a flimsy story that has been told, in part, hundreds of times and much better, but has been thrown together with no time wasted on extra characterization or story arcs to get in the way of the sheer fabulousness.

On the other hand, there is also Point Break, which is also just about perfect in terms of a good-bad movie. Keanu is so pretty in it, with his pouty lips and wet, windblown hair. Of course, it helps to have a Patrick Swayze-led gang of bank-robbing surfers who wear masks of ex-presidents and skydive. Also that Keanu can identify people based on their butts (he does so with the love interest-the girl who plays Kit in League of Their Own) and defy the laws of physics and common sense by jumping out of an airplane after a sky-diving Patrick Swayze, sans parachute, and catching up with him mid-air to threaten him. The movie is totally awesome in it's badness.

I, too, know what I will be watching this weekend.

Posted by: takenotice at August 1, 2007 4:58 PM

Titanic. Yes, I know all the stuff that's wrong with it - you all know. I don't even have to make a list, do I? But still, it's on, I watch to the end. Feeling my brain melt like an iceberg in the Gulf Stream....

And Sister Act. 'If this turns into a nun bar, I'm outta here!' Cheesy, ridiculous, fun. And I even fill up when the nun choir rocks da God's house. Every time. I'm such a sucker for it.

And don't get me started on Flash Gordon! It is awesome. That is all.

Posted by: tarn at August 1, 2007 4:58 PM

i'm posting for the first time because i felt like it was a strange kind of fate as i read this entry this morning while watching my very own guiltiest pleasure. my entire movie collection would probably embarass most people, but my movie selection this morning was by far the worst of the bunch:

jungle 2 jungle. starring tim allen.

jungle 2 jungle (and don't worry, i own it, so it's not just a watch-on-tv-when-it's-on thing) follows tim allen as he travels to the amazon rainforest to finalize a divorce from his first wife, a tribal witch doctor, and finds out that he has a long-lost son whose name, mimi-siku, means "cat piss" in the tribal language. mimi and tim allen travel back to new york city, become embroiled in a conflict involving the stock market and the russian mafia, and alienate tim allen's fashion-designer fiancee. leelee sobieski and martin short also star. as if that spectacular, flawless plot and cast weren't enough, the touching (and it actually is, i get misty-eyed, it's not like i'm proud) moment when tim allen realizes that his son is important to him comes when he finally masters the mouth dart, tranquilizing his boss on the stock exchange floor.

oh, and on the back of the box, the synopsis assures me that tim allen is "america's favorite entertainer." mmmhmmm. i mean, i'll go ahead and agree.

Posted by: panderson at August 1, 2007 4:58 PM

My guilty pleasure is a movie from 1985 called Fast Forward - about 8 kids from ohio who move to the big city to perform in some sort of dance off. So gloriously bad my friends and I wore out the video tape, not only on Betamax, but VHS as well. And it was directed by Sidney Portier!!

Posted by: Tanya at August 1, 2007 5:00 PM

Oh Dustin, no! My guilty pleasure, wait for it...North Shore! The most horrible surfing movie you've ever seen.

If you haven't seen it. See it.

Posted by: Slouchmonkey at August 1, 2007 5:00 PM

I have many guilty pleasures, but my secret shame is the 1996 Christmas classic, Jingle All The Way (or Vay, if you're a Conan fan). Much like Back to the Future, The American President, and a slew of Steven Segal "films" during various times of the year, Jingle All The Way holds the TBS timeslot monopoly during the holiday season. And I watch it. Not when my family's around, like when A Christmas Story is on, but late at night or first thing in the morning, when I'm all alone and free of embarrassment. It's one of those movies that makes me jump whenever I hear a floorboard creak, because being discovered by my husband and having to explain why I'm up at 6 am on a Saturday, watching Ahnold beat up a mailman that looks an awful lot like Sinbad over the ugliest doll in history, would be REALLY, REALLY awful. This movie is bad. The worst parts of pretty much every Arnold Swarzenegger(?) movie are his character's names. In this one he's Howard Langston...which beg the question: Why don't they ever give him names that match his accent? Would it be the worst thing ever if his name was Hans? I mean, he doesn't SOUND like he's of British ancestry, so are they really fooling anyone?
Anyway, for some reason, and it's one that even I haven't figured out yet, I will put the remote down when this movie is on, and I will watch it. I will laugh when the characters run over an innocent toy store worker. I will get a little misty when the son finally gets his TurboMan doll, only to find out that his dad is TurboMan himself (YAY!). And I will chuckle every time Phil Hartman's on the screen (well, that I can't really feel guilty about - the man was funny, even in this). Maybe it's because, even though it totally sucks, it's on at Christmas time, dammit, and I like a movie that makes me feel like a kid again once in a while. A dumb kid with a very, very simple sense of humor - but a kid nonetheless. Anyway, that's my secret shame...sigh.

Posted by: Kolby at August 1, 2007 5:02 PM

Seriously, no one has mentioned Grease 2 yet? That just makes me more embarrassed by my "secret shame." But how could I not love it? It has everything... bowling, "Reproduction," Michelle Pfeiffer, mysterious masked motorcycle guy with an accent (and even more mysteriously, NO one can figure out who he is...), AND "Cool Rider!" I have the soundtrack too (which, yes, might be a little too much to admit to...)

Posted by: Sydnie at August 1, 2007 5:02 PM

"Carol Kane as the hunchback's wife. "I'm not a witch! I'm your wife!"

Stephanie, wasn't that from The Princess Bride, not Transylvania 6500?

Posted by: tarn at August 1, 2007 5:02 PM

OK, so Grease 2 had been mentioned! That's what I get for starting to type, then taking time out for actual work... adding to my embarrassment! Oops!!

Posted by: Sydnie at August 1, 2007 5:05 PM

tarn -

ooops! You're right, the quote is from Princess Bride but Carol Kane is the hunchback's wife in Transylvania 6-5000.

Posted by: Stephanie at August 1, 2007 5:07 PM

Ones I am ashamed of:
1. Bio-Dome
2. The Cheetah Girls

Ones I am not:
1. Superstar
2. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
3. Almost Heroes

Posted by: missmle at August 1, 2007 5:11 PM

Cutting Edge? A solid 6.
You've Got Mail? Oh my, yes.
Teen Wolf? Rowr.
Drive Me Crazy? Got the soundtrack.

But I can't believe I'm the only one who can lose two hours to these beloved pieces of crap:

St. Elmo's Fire
She's All That
Runaway Bride
200 Cigarettes

Posted by: aud at August 1, 2007 5:14 PM

"Legally Blond"

I initially hated this movie-- female gets into Law school by showing off her body and utilizing sexuality.

but since i actually started law school, i strangely have come to identify with Elle.

there is something very real about her experiences. how she overcomes her problems in law school is like a step by step depiction of lives of most law students.

from the intitial feelings of isolation and stupidity, to the discovery of secondary sources and library bonding time; Elle's law school battle speaks to the first year law student me.

and thats kind of embarassing.

Posted by: sara at August 1, 2007 5:17 PM

I haven't seen this one mentioned yet, but I absolutely LOVE the movie "Rocketman" with Harland Williams as a nerdy NASA employee who has the opportunity to travel on a mission to Mars.

Where to begin? I know the humor is beyond stupid, but watching him put on plays with sock puppets in isolation, entertain himself during the long flight to Mars, and sing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" not just in English, but in fake Chinese absolutely cracks me up.

I admitted this to a friend and promptly rented it so that we could watch; we got about 30 minutes in when she turned to me and said that it was probably the stupidest, most unfunny movie she had ever seen and asked if we could watch something else. I complied, but you can be darn sure that I watched it more than once before I had to return it to Blockbuster.

Posted by: Caroline at August 1, 2007 5:19 PM

Road House to my eternal shame.

Posted by: Jenn at August 1, 2007 5:20 PM

The Jiminy Cricket safety film I saw each year on the last day of school, grades 1-6. Same film each year, shown to us that last day of school so we wouldn't die during those dangerous days of summer...how not to drown after eating lunch, how not to electrocute yourself, how not to get run over by a car. Jiminy sang "I'm no fool, no sirree! I'm gonna live to be 93 I play safe for you and me 'cause I'm no fool!" In each dangerous situation there's the smart kid who lives, and the dumb-ass with loving-cup ears who dies. Jiminy just keeps the beat.

That song is emblazoned in my mind to this day, and I never swim immediately after Thanksgiving dinner.

Posted by: Adam at August 1, 2007 5:22 PM

Worth Winning--a romantic comedy from 1989. No one has ever heard of this movie when they see it in my stash. I saw it randomly on tv one day and was totally won over. Even though I fancy myself a film snob most of the time, Mark Harmon has the most convincing goofy self confidence in the world, and he actually does win me over. It even has a voice over, and I still like it! There's nothing better than the Mouse Olympics scene and Madeleine Stowe squealing in delight is so incredibly charming. Love the bad sex the two leads initially have. Love that they hate each other, and then don't. I want them to get together in the end, and hate when he gets pulverized, and love when they make up at some silly charity thing hosted by David Brenner (80s of course). I'm a sucker for this movie. I love all the women in it, and it's littered with go-to comedy guys--Brad Hall, Mark Blum (Gary from Desperately Seeking Susan), plus Andrea Martin for good measure. I laugh out loud each and every time I've watched it over the years. It puts a smile on my face, what can I say? Watch it with Summer School for a Harmon Rock Block! I found the video years ago for $1 in a Blockbuster cast off bin and was absolutely DELIGHTED with my luck! I better fire up the VCR when I get home...

Posted by: Ericca at August 1, 2007 5:23 PM

Ok, I have to add one more. Oh man, it's a bad one, and I don't think I've seen it yet.

Little Monsters.

Now, to be fair, my love mainly comes from nostalgia-my 7 years younger brother watched this movie every day during our vacation at the Jersey Shore back in '90 or '91. Nothing can justify my fondness at 27 years old for a movie that features Howie (motherfucking) Mandel playing a prank loving monster living under the bed of Fred (freaking) Savage. But when Maurice turns his hand into a snarling dog and states "A man's best friend? His right hand!" I am thrown into a horrifying mixture of both elation and pure revulsion.

No wonder I'm single.

Posted by: Julie at August 1, 2007 5:24 PM

I haven't thought about this movie in years, but I'll watch Captain Ron any damn time! "Whenever I'm in these parts she craves my manhood..." Kurt Russell was glorious.

Still love Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Luke Perry in all his glory as well.... did I mention Paul Reubins with long hair and one arm...I love the vampire DJ that takes over with all the other vampire highschool rejects at the prom.

Posted by: Jess at August 1, 2007 5:24 PM

Fright Night.

Sooooo bad. But so good.

Posted by: savoyeve at August 1, 2007 5:25 PM

I suppose I should say "Robin Hood" but I feel no shame. none whatsoever, that movie rocks.

The one that I am loathe to say I watch when I call in sick for just to not leave the couch all day and watch movies with the dog.

Get Over It.

Nevermind that it is a teenage romantic comedy that no one saw when it came out while I was in my early twenties and far older than the targeted community--it costars Sisqo.

Of "The Thong Song" fame.

-and Vitamin C who wrote some song about being sad about graduating from high school and then disappeared.

The plot is dumb boy is dumped by shallow girl for a former boy-band member and tries out for the school play "Midsummer Night's Dream" to win her back.

Who cares, the opening is the poor boy walking down the street with Vitamin C and a cast of dozens dancing behind and a drunken rendition of Elvis Costello's "Allison" and more than one musical montage of said boy becoming cool. Not to mention a truly terrible theater director with delusions of grandeur.

Coolio even makes an appearance.

I feel I deserve a t-shirt because I *heart* Sisqo.

Posted by: Jennifer at August 1, 2007 5:28 PM

Or even worse, The Wraith. Early charlie sheen baby. Wow. I just embarassed myself writing that . . .

Posted by: savoyeve at August 1, 2007 5:28 PM

Mom at Sixteen.

Danielle Panabaker stars as a sixteen-year-old mother whose own mother makers her switch schools after the baby is born. At her new school she pretends that the baby is her sister, not her daughter.

why I love it: Danielle's character's classmates find out about the baby. Soon after, she calls out one of the girls in her class for cheating on her boyfriend. the girl replies, "I'm sorry. Did it hurt when you had your BABY?" this line immediately found a spot in my top 10 best movie lines ever list.

why I feel guilty for loving it: before going to DVD (and, ostensibly, the $9.99 disk bargain rack), premiered on Lifetime. Which was where I watched it. On a Saturday night.

my secret shame.

Posted by: Perry at August 1, 2007 5:31 PM

"Captain Ron"
I LOVE Kurt Russell, ever since I watched him in Disney movie reruns on Sunday nights. "The Computer Wore Sneakers"? Nothing cooler to an eight year old. Kurt Russell - has been my secret crush for years, so pretty much anything he does is great. "Escape From NY" - check - "Big Trouble In Little China" check - "The Thing" - check. Not many people, let alone thirty-something gals like myself, even remember "Captain Ron". We fans are a small, but loyal group. ALL because of Russell - Martin Short was in it too. But really, who cares, it's Russell we love. "Captain Ron" is the scruffy Russell of the eighties, at his cheesy best, all with an eye patch and Pirate attitude. Gold!

PS - I also cry every time I see "Cool Runnings". I can't tell you why or about the movie, or I will, literally start to cry again. Sad, but true.

Posted by: dglass at August 1, 2007 5:32 PM

Michelle - don't forget that the tornadoes growled. Yeah... that one is one of my favourites too. I have a thing for tornadoes.

If we're getting into categories, mine would have to be... much younger girls with older men. That is something I seriously keep from others, because I don't want my family or friends to think I have a Lolita/Humbert complex. BUT I DO. I'll rent movies like The Crush on the sly, and stay up late to catch anything related in theme to Lolita. The '97 version of such is one of my favourites. I get picked on as lolibait a lot, which I hate (it creeps me out) and I'm very vocal about this, so it would shame me to no end to admit to anyone but pajiba that I look longingly at copies of The Lover in movie stores (too scared to buy), look up stuff like Beau Pere wishing to purchase, and treasure The Ballad of Jack and Rose. No, I don't have daddy issues. I don't know why I'm drawn to the genre. And it will haunt me to my grave. ;_;

Posted by: Lola at August 1, 2007 5:34 PM

I'd forgotten about 7brides for 7brothers before someone brought it up...and oh, of course, Spice World. I was about 8 when I watched both of them so the sexism of the first totally passed over my head and I thought the second was th wittiest thing since sliced bread :P

Two films which show the passing of age hasn't bestowed me with wisdom: Constantine adn Pitch Black. I really consider both of those absolutely shameful...I watched Constantine on the plane home (!)....twice. Then I rented it out. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE? It's so stupid, so stylish, and so bloated with theological inconsistencies. And the devil is creepy.

There's nothing I can say for Pitch Black.

Posted by: Anna at August 1, 2007 5:41 PM

I just added a dozen movies to my netflix que and I haven't had a chance to read all of the comments yet.

ahhh memories.

Posted by: Jennifer at August 1, 2007 5:41 PM

Ok, so I don't know if this will count since it's not a specific movie, but I used to have a thing for those Saturday afternoon movies they would show on the crappiest channels starring people like Valerie Bertinelli, or Melissa Gilbert, or even, heaven help me, Tori Spelling. The plots were always about something like some woman who was abused by her husband and then ended up getting some wacky revenge on him. Actually, maybe they were a bit like a made-for-TV Sleeping With the Enemy (and Ranylt, I admit to clapping in the movie theater for that one). I think part of what I liked was their predictability and the way the bad guys were so exquisitely bad. The men would always seem so sweet before the marriage, but there'd be some little ominous music and a dark look to foreshadow their coming nastiness. I just ate it up, in spite of being happily married to a very normal and non-abusive guy myself. Then I would gleefully watch as eventually she tried to escape, only to find the nasty man hot on her heels. She could only escape by killing him gruesomely. I'm not sure if this was a feminist angle or its opposite. Hmm. The other common plot was the made for TV versions of Single White Female with the psycho friend. I haven't watched these things in a long time--probably because I now have cable or maybe because I have kids I don't want watching such trash on Saturdays.

Posted by: Lainie at August 1, 2007 5:42 PM

First Wives Club; Death Becomes Her; She Devil- you've got Bette/Diane/Goldie...Goldie/Meryl....Meryl/
Roseanne. Its a recipe for a perfect lazy Sunday!

Posted by: laurie at August 1, 2007 5:44 PM

OOh, just remembered the third plot for those Saturday afternoon TV flicks--evil teenage babysitters out to steal husbands! Grrr, I hated those.

Posted by: Lainie at August 1, 2007 5:44 PM

legally blonde.
grandma's boy.

Posted by: mary at August 1, 2007 5:49 PM

Come on, man. "Nothing But Trouble"? I admire your candor, though.

I think the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures are the following two little numbers. I would be very interested to know if anyone else reading has even heard of either of them. Eh, probably, knowing you people :)

1) "The Pirate Movie." Yes, that's it's actual title. Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins. Pirate comedy based loosely on "The Pirates of Penzance." Features multiple music numbers, an underwater cartoon scene set to the song "Pumpin' and Blowin'" and ubiquitous, yet tame, sex jokes, not to mention an out-of-date (even for the 80s) Annette Funicello reference.

2) "Sylvester." Melissa Gilbert raising her two little brothers, after their parents' untimely death, in rural Texas. She wants to train horses for a living, but all Michael Shoeffling (Jake!) wants is her. Will she make it all the way to the horse trials in Kentucky before social services takes her brothers away? You just wait and see. Also starring Richard Farnsworth.

Posted by: Stacy at August 1, 2007 5:52 PM

Legend.

It's a terribly formulaic fantasy flick that I absolutely adore, despite the plot being mind-bogglingly simplistic as it beats you over the head with its good triumphs over evil, light prevails in the face of eternal darkness and innocence purifies corruption themes. The plot development was simple enough for a child to comprehend and embarrassing enough for this adult to quietly sweep under the rug in the hopes of retaining a sliver of credibility.

It certainly didn't hurt that the cast was gorgeous. (Ooo, what a pretty celluloid dreamland!)

Young, nubile Tom Cruise prancing around in a tiny leather skirt with (what have got to be some pretty chaffing) matching underoos, chain mail armor, long hippy hair and a nose that he still hadn't grown into at that age (as a scrawny little adolescent shrimp--- all the more endearing in my youth). Tim Curry as the archetypal Devil, a seven foot tall sex symbol with brilliant scarlet skin, black as sin cloven hooves, horns so huge that only his broad strapping shoulders could support them (he's really horny, get it?) and a purring voice that was pure seduction. And Mia Sara as the virginal princess gone bad. Way bad. Bitch contributes to the death of a unicorn! How much more in your face can the symbolism get!?

(As an aside, I totally wanted to steal her barely there, chestacular spidery dress with wicked popped collar. Despite the fact that I had no figure to possibly hold the thing in place and didn't have the slightest clue about sex appeal. I also admit to having contemplated the possibility of making it into a Halloween costume one of these years.)

Take into consideration the fact that I was a wee little child when this fantasy flick hit the market, and I had no idea what constituted a quality film. (I also loved The Chipmunk Adventure, all the Weekend at Bernie's flicks, Cocktail, Adventures in Babysitting, the Ernest movies, Camp Nowhere, Blank Check, the Adams Family movies and Hocus Pocus. That's not all of them. I'm stopping to save myself from further shame in these admissions. Although it is rather cathartic.) I also lived in Arizona and the summers were simply too hot to tolerate any kind of outdoor playtime, so movies became my babysitter and I was subject to countless hours of mindless cinema. I chose the kind of stuff that appealed to the late eighties and early nineties Disney/Nickelodeon crowd. And as the oldest sibling, there was nobody around to point me in the direction of movies that didn't suck, i.e. what you good people at Pajiba routinely decree and absolutely nothing admitted to in this comment diversion.

You don't even want to know what kind of television I watched. (My Little Pony! Darkwing Duck! Hey Dude! Renegade! Silk Stockings! Baywatch!)

I have since matured in my cinematic preferences and realize the error of my childhood and preteen days, when Tiger Beat hunks and paper thin plot lines had the ability to keep me occupied for hours. Ah, innocence and bad taste. When did you become so vanquished by cynicism and a fucking clue?

Posted by: Erica O. at August 1, 2007 5:59 PM

Okay, I am about to admit my guilty secret. Since I was incredibly young, I have had a crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Up in my room are old VHS copies of Tom and Huck and whatever that Pinnochio movie was that he was in, and I also recorded that Hallmark movie he made, Walking Across Egypt. You must admit my (ashamedly) delighted surprise at his guest appearance on Veronica Mars. I love Wild America most of all, of course. I used to watch that all the time, the movie about the Stouffer brothers, not the frozen french bread pizza makers, but nature documentarians (Is that the right word? I'm kind of in a hurry with my embarassment) who go off to film a bunch of animals. I remember seeing this, and, oh, another one, I'll Be Home For Christmas, in the theater with a bunch of pre-teens that must have been at least 5 years younger than me. Actually, I sort of like I'll Be Home For Christmas as well. I know I shouldn't, but I can't really help it.

The other guilty pleasure movie is The Babysitter's Club. I loved those books from elementary school, to junior high, to high school, then I got rid of them all once I hit college for fear of being seen as immature. Then...I saw a book for sale on Amazon that I never read and it was on my mind forever and ever until I finally bought it and I have built a small collection from Goodwill. The movie is in the spirit as Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but horribly squeaky clean, with lame music and wholesome little kids. I loved it so much from the first time I saw it, and I had the novelization and I still have my VHS copy, which I watched not too long ago and still loved. That part with Kristy's dad just broke my heart. And who couldn't love the "rap" to help Claudia study for her science test? I love it so much.

Posted by: Cait at August 1, 2007 6:02 PM

Bring It On! is right up there everyone who put it on the list. However not nearly as shameful as my first choice. Best lines in the movie:

"They say your ambition broke Carver's leg...."
"When really it was the angle at which she slammed into the ground."

"Jan's straight and I'm...controversial."

Great film. Solid gold.

Posted by: Ryan at August 1, 2007 6:03 PM

My guilty pleasure is not a movie but it is probably more embarassing than any movie on this list. It is the longest running soap opera ever I believe. It is the perennial genius that is CORONATION STREET! Man do I love this show. The actors look like real people, even real ugly people. It's refreshing to see ugly people on TV when all we see is photoshopped androids on American TV. The plot lines are hilarious, endearing and usually less far fetched than American soap operas (re: I've never seen anyone poisoning others with a bottle labelled "Danger"). I love it so much that I watch it every day at 7pm on Canada's national TV station, the CBC. If I miss an episode, I get up early on Sunday and watch the 2.5 hour recap. Even if I don't miss an episode I usually watch it again just in case I missed one of the many overlapping layers in the plot development.

Also, if you thought Harry Potter fans were mad about Deux Ex Malcontent's fake spoiler, don't ever spoil Corrie for me. You see in Canada it runs 9 months behind the shows in England and sometimes some of my jerk friends will cross the pond and learn about plot developments and tell me what happens despite my attempts to drown them out/maim them. When this happens it doesn't ruin a day or two of my life, rather it ruins 3 MONTHS! Some of the plot lines take several months of viewing pleasure to unfold and when someone spoils it for me with two careless sentences it takes months for me to recover. I still haven't forgiven my best friend for doing this to me earlier this year. Finally, my mom makes fun of me for watching this show. She laughs at the fact that the old hags in the show were teenagers when she used to watch it. And even though my mother makes fun of me for watching it, I still do with pride, well sort of.

Posted by: Starbuck at August 1, 2007 6:12 PM

I have a list here of about 10 that have already been mentioned. Damn you people for having exquisite taste in cheeze.

So here is my contribution of the one that I knew was not going to appear:

Stewardess School.

Stars? Aside from a Sherman Helmsley cameo as a pain in the ass BLIND passenger, you get Donny Most (of Ralph Malph fame) and Wendie Jo Sperber (R.I.P). I used to watch this total crapfest on either USA Up All Night or Comedy Central late night. It is the most ridiculous film (if you can call it that) that I have ever seen and I have shamelessly gotten my friends into it as well. (I convinced my last roommate to buy the VHS from Amazon Marketplace for $3 even though he has never seen it. He now shows it to everyone who sets foot in his apartment. It may very well be the only VHS copy in existance.)

First, the plot. Donny Most and his buddy get tossed out of pilot school. Where, oh where can these two still do what they love and meet all of the hot chicks? Stewardess School. Needless to say we meet a rag-tag group of misfits and miscreants who form a bond out of their common outcast status. They're the worst of their class. Hijinks ensue. In short, there is no plot.

What is special about this film are the characters, well, caricatures. There's the chubby loser (Sperber), the female wrestler, the homosexual, the rich-girl-turned-punk and Sugar Dubois. That's right- Sugar Dubois. She is what makes this film crap-TASTIC!

Sugar is a prostitute whose probation officer decides that the best way for Sugar to change her ways is to become a stewardess. Needless to say, she walks around in skimpy clothes and gives BJs willy-nilly being as that is her only form of problem solving. The doctor is going to fail the chubby girl on her physical? Blow Job. Passenger having a drug-induced anxiety attack? Blow Job. She is the best hooker with a heart of gold I have ever seen in film.

I highly recommend this movie to anyone who loves shitty films. Or blow jobs. And I definitely hold my head high when I sing aloud: "We'll wine you, we'll dine you, we'll fly you to the staaaaaars!"

Posted by: Bex at August 1, 2007 6:13 PM

I see some other people mentioned "The Pirate Movie." Awesome.

I just want to concur with a few films I had not immediately thought of, and add another.

First-- these are all awesome guilty pleasure movies: "Teen Witch," "Cloak & Dagger" and "Beastmaster."

Second-- I consciously picture Julia's porch house from "Sleeping with the Enemy" when I think about the kind of house I want.

Third-- I think this movie may be way too kickass and awesome to be considered a guilty pleasure, but I'll throw it out there on the off-chance anyone will be reading this far down, and because I don't think it's been mentioned:

"Flash Gordon" There, I said it.

Posted by: Stacy at August 1, 2007 6:15 PM

I see some other people mentioned "The Pirate Movie." Awesome.

I just want to concur with a few films I had not immediately thought of, and add another.

First-- these are all wonderful guilty pleasure movies: "Teen Witch," "Cloak & Dagger" and "Beastmaster."

Second-- I consciously picture Julia's porch house from "Sleeping with the Enemy" when I think about the kind of house I want.

"Flash Gordon." There, I said it.

Posted by: Stacy at August 1, 2007 6:15 PM

I'm always embarrassed to admit how much I enjoy the campy horror flick "Idle Hands."

Devon Sawa (of the quilty pleasure "Final Destination" does a good job looking horrified while playing a kid who's such a lazy do-nothing that a demonic spirit makes a playground of his idle hand. Seth Green does a great turn as one of Sawa's zombified buddies, and a young Jessica Alba is as pretty as ever. The movie has a great sense of humor, never taking itself too (or even remotely) seriously.

I once loaned my copy of the DVD to my nephews (ages 11 and 19 at the time, I think). They kept it for a while, watching it over and over, until my sister and my niece implored me to take it back.

Just to complete the embarrassment, I should mention that "A Knight's Tale", "Center Stage", "Evolution", "Final Destination" (1 and 2), "Gone in 60 Seconds", and Kenneth Branagh's musical adaptation of "Love's Labour's Lost" also have permanent spots on my DVD shelf.

I can't believe I just admitted to all that.

Posted by: RickO at August 1, 2007 6:16 PM

Er, Phillip Stevens? I don't disagree with your First Knight shame-o-logue but have you read any Diana Wynne Jones novels? Because angsty vagabonds? So not what her novels are about. Unless you're talking about Howl from Howl's Moving Castle...in which case you'd still be really, really wrong. Surely you must have been thinking of someone else?

Also I second The Craft, and Mean Girls.

Posted by: Poison Penny at August 1, 2007 6:16 PM

Demolition Man

Posted by: Trashley at August 1, 2007 6:19 PM

Oh, yeah, and "She-Devil." I love me some early Roseanne.

Posted by: Stacy at August 1, 2007 6:19 PM

I find myself in the awkward position of stating that two of my all-time favorite movies (ever) are Cool Runnings and The Adventures of Milo and Otis. And when I say that they're favorite movies of mine, I mean that I own them both (oh yeah, on DVD) and watch them with alarming frequency.
I've been known to whip out my Cool Runnings DVD and play the very last scene when I'm in the middle of a really tough paper analyzing women's rights in the post-colonial British novel just to cool off and, you know, give myself a little much-needed kick in the ass with goo d old fashioned uplifting strings and epic triumphs. Here's the thing about Cool Runnings: it's silly and we all know it. It's schlocky and, frankly, we love it more for that. And it has one of the best riffs of all time ("I see pride... I see power... I see a bad-ass mothah who won't take no crap off of nobody.") which, whoa buddy, I walked around spouting at the top of my 6-yr old lungs the entire Thanksgiving weekend back in '92. I thought I was bad-ass. So it makes me feel good, makes me appreciate some of the finer moments of my childhood, and makes me feel like no matter how much this paper is kicking my ass, at least I'm not a Rasta in spandex. Also, there is at least one veiled pot-smoker joke that I didn't get as a kid and now find high-larious.
As for Milo and Otis, well, for one, it's the reason that my parents, after a whining and cajoling campaign of epic proportions, got my sister and I the greatest pug puppy that ever lived when I was but a wee 5-yr. old youngster. I loved that damn dog with everything I had and so now, yeah, I'm a sucker for a scrappy pug with a heart of gold on an epic quest for adventure with his lovable kitten sidekick. But beyond the personal heartstring-tug of this movie, can we please note that the odd Japanese live-action barnyard film with not one human character and the weirdest theme song I have ever heard was narrated by Dudley Freaking Moore? When I first saw Arthur a few years back it took no less than twelve nanoseconds before I linked the two and boy did that give me the mind-screw of my short lifetime. It's a great movie. It's a weird movie. It feels a little like a weird acid dream but frankly, it's about childhood in some interesting ways and it makes me feel just... good.
So there's my shame. And it is shameful yet, in that sweet Sarah Vowell-y way, I feel proud of remaining connected with the vagaries and oddities of my childhood. I didn't even mention that I still cry every time I watch Homeward Bound (which is roughly twice a year).

Posted by: Martina at August 1, 2007 6:30 PM

I was almost too terrified to post, given that people I know might read this, but hey, you didn't call it a secret "shame" for nothing...

I love, love love several of the movies you all have listed: Bring It On, You've Got Mail, The Replacements, Hocus Pocus, Galaxy Quest, Sister Act 1 & 2, etc. and I rationalize them because they are in regular rotation on basic cable (the networks wouldn't play them if I was the only one watching).

BUT, the hardest thing to admit is this... Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever. Yes, that's the sequel. I am a product of my generation - with the childhood crush on Corey Feldman in the '80s and an appreciation that rock & roll will save my soul. The movie is horrible, but it is filled with so many hilarious scenes that I can't help myself. I am too ashamed to purchase it (Amazon keeps records of your account), but I think of it fondly..."hey, this no my pee" to the sushi-dissected frog scene to the refridgerator-worshiping scene and many others.

Whew. That was harder than I thought.

Posted by: cyniclvr at August 1, 2007 6:32 PM

"Surf Ninjas".

if you have seen it, you just know. if you haven't...don't worry about it.

Posted by: Steen at August 1, 2007 6:32 PM

Sorry Stacy, I beat you to 'Flash Gordon' a few posts back! (Brian Blessed with wings - what's not to love!?)

Oh yeah, 'Fright Night' (Thanks for the reminder savoyeve). Damn that's so bad, but I loved it back in the day. I even still have the soundtrack. On cassette, natch.....

'Welcome to.... Frrright Nnnight. For REAL!'
Is it wrong that I thought Jerry Dandridge was effing hot? ;-)

Posted by: Tarn at August 1, 2007 6:40 PM

I have a deep and abiding love for the Lohan remake of The Parent Trap. The Hallmark channel plays it approximately every third day--it must make up a major chunk of their programming--but I watch it every time I catch it on TV. To the endless derision of my entire family. Oh well.

Posted by: debi at August 1, 2007 6:42 PM

This is the most fun thread EVER.

Lindsay- my sister and I secretly loved Keenan and Kel's Nickelodeon show, and you've just reminded me that I NEED to watch the movie!
And re: the call out to Cabin Boy: my husband loves that movie. "This is how a pretty lady dances", oh, Andy Richter.

Posted by: Katie at August 1, 2007 6:44 PM

I am so thankful I know none of you, because I fucking love Gone in 60 Seconds.

Yeah, let that sink in for a moment. Okay? Swallowed the little bit of vomit that just shot up your throat? Great, let's move on.

I think everyone in the movie, aside from possibly Nicolas Cage, knew that this movie was just a huge pile of shit from the get-go. Thankfully, they realized that doesn't mean it can't be fun. There are some scenes where I barely catch, or perhaps imagine, a brief tic around a mouth, belying an actor who barely finished a take without laughing.

It's got a mute Vinnie Jones eating a sandwich off a corpse. It's got Timothy Olyphant, when asked if he remembers the seventies, replying "Too young, thank God." (I've stolen that one in reference to the eighties many, many times.) It introduced me to the term "unicorn," thereafter co-opted to refer to the unattainable female du jour. It's got a fucking tank of compressed air wrecking shit. "You okay?" "Yeah." "You sure? Because you just went through a wall."

It's got a retired and washed-up car thief coaching kids in go karts. (?)

I simply can't overcome this movie's sheer ridiculousness, it seems like it's smirking back at me out of the corners of the screen. By the time Cage launches a car into slow-mo off the back of a tow truck, I'm not even resisting. I'm just revelling in how truly terrible this movie really is. A villian obsessed with wood? Who thinks of this shit?

I have no idea. But I eat it up. Don't tell my friends.

Posted by: Just Joe at August 1, 2007 6:47 PM

Cool as Ice. The brilliant Vanilla Ice movie that teaches us all to simply be ourselves and not let the man get you down. Wise words, Vanilla, wise words.

Posted by: Sarah at August 1, 2007 6:52 PM

"Serial Mom." Seriously, check it out. L7 performs. John Waters directs. Kathleen Turner kills everyone, even Patty Hearst.

And sadly, whenever "Enough" (J Lo does her "Sleeping with the Enemy" rip-off) or "You've Got Mail" is on tv, I drop everything and sit down - and then think up lies to account for what I was doing at the time.

Posted by: El Go at August 1, 2007 6:53 PM

oh yeah, and "Spiceworld". if i win the lottery, that damn bus is mine.

Posted by: Steen at August 1, 2007 6:54 PM

RE: Surf Ninjas
"Money can't buy knives."

Posted by: Stephanie at August 1, 2007 6:55 PM

Using the criteria that the Pajiba-ers used I can't use Red Dawn because I will say it loud and proud that I love that right wing, NRA card holding dream of a film. Powers Booth should have received all of the Oscars that year.

But, I digress. My secret shame is "Ernest Scared Stupid" starring Jim Varney as the incomparable Ernest P. Worrel. It is a secret shame because it isn't even the best Ernest movie (..Goes to Camp.). I can't use it as ironic movie conversation fodder because if I do that would mean that I have actually seen this movie... which is something I don't want to admit. This one involves Ernest and his pals (all children... a recurring theme in Ernest movies) fighting off an army of tree trolls with dairy products. However, the coup de grace is the discovery that the only way to defeat the head troll is... wait for it... Love. Ernest bests the beast through ballroom dancing, hugs, and a snot-laden kiss.

When I first saw this movie it actually scared me. The trolls were all very well made and even look menacing. The treehouse was awesome. The jokes are hammy and still elicit a chuckle. My favorite being what Ernest discovers through some archaic clue from days of yore that the key to defeating the troll is M.I._.K. Ernest in his premature desire to defeat the troll takes off to find "Miak" before the children figure out that the remaining letter is "L" thus signifying that Milk is the troll's weakness. "What is miak and where does Ernest find it?" Are the thoughts that run through my head as I laugh at his over-eagerness.

I have seen this movie 4 times and I am a little dead inside because I like it... sigh.

Posted by: Tanner at August 1, 2007 6:55 PM

Man, seems to me there's a lot of unnecessary shame in this room.

Bring it On? That there is a solid film. Well written, well shot, well acted and thoroughly entertaining from stem to stern. Why anyone would be ashamed of digging it is beyond me. Same goes for Three Amigos. Shame? What ever for.

I also happen to be madly in love with The Last Unicorn and Sylvester, neither of which will ever bring me shame.

In fact, I don't think I'm ashamed of any movies I love. I have faith in my brain and my taste. If something makes me happy/moves me/what have you, I don't really care what any one else thinks.

That being said, I am almost ashamed to admit I saw Holes, in the theater, twice. I couldn't wait for DVD. I cried both times.

Posted by: Beckylooo at August 1, 2007 6:56 PM

I just watched The Rock last night. Well, the beginning. Because once Sean Connery killed John C. McGinley by lighting his feet on fire, it was over for me. No more Dr. Cox in fatigues.

My cousin and I were so obsessed with The Mighty Ducks 2 that we would watch it every time we were together, then proceed to strap on roller blades and grab hockey sticks, go out in the street, and quote the Bash Brothers until night fell. And we're both girls.

Other than that, Message In a Bottle gets me. Paul Newman as the ornery dad with a heart of gold (precursor to a similar role in Empire Falls), Robin Wright Penn as a hotshot city journalist, and Kevin Costner as the sweet soul of the south Atlantic coast. Maybe it's because I'm from southeast Virginia and fondly remember my own trips to the Outer Banks, but the letter about finding a child of the blue Atlantic gets me weepy.

Oh, and Drumline. That movie came out in my first of five years in my marching band. It went on every trip with us, it was always quoted, and we were blown away every time by the rudiments Nick Cannon serves. My senior year, our band shirts read 'Halftime is Gametime' as a reference to that movie.

Posted by: Hannah at August 1, 2007 6:56 PM

I also forgot Clive Barker's Night Breed. I am fascinated by this movie. It's kind of visually cool. But is a complete fucking mystery on the story. I saw it on TNT and it didn't make sense. I thought it was because all the good parts were edited out. NOPE! I saw it again on cable and it still didn't make sense. But, the villain was freaking creepy. Some of the monsters were well made... and nauseating. But, still. It's a freaking crappy movie I have seen 5 times.

Posted by: Tanner at August 1, 2007 7:02 PM

It kills me to admit it, but the Wedding Planner. I saw it twice in the theater and own it on DVD and have since the day it came out. Once a friend that I consider to have good taste was perusing my DVD collection and actually remarked that everything in it was decent except...you guessed it, the Wedding Planner. Why, mostly because she says he smells like red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches. There's something so quirky about that line alone that I have to love the movie. Not to mention a totally adorable Italian who wouldn't be considered normal in any culture riding a tiny motorbike behind a limo and SUV, the way the movie Father slurs "Mossimo" like a drunken cow everytime he says said adorable Italian's name, and my first intro to Judy Greer who later captured my heart as Kitty Sanchez on Arrested Development (although her role pretty much stunk as much of the rest of this movie, but I love her for it).

Posted by: elc at August 1, 2007 7:07 PM

God help me, I watch "Moonstruck" every time it's on.

I also enjoy a good Lifetime Television for Women movie of the week or whatever they're called. Especially if it involves Patty Duke as a really determined mother-figure.

Posted by: ak at August 1, 2007 7:12 PM

I have to agree with Beckylooo here...The Last Unicorn is a damn fine animated feature, with great music and a pretty good, not at all childish, story. It's been my favorite "cartoon" movie since I was in single digits.

Posted by: Kolby at August 1, 2007 7:14 PM

Okay, I'll start by adding my love for 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers' and 'Center Stage.' I'm a dancer, leave me alone.

My guilty pleasures?

Anastasia. The animated movie. That everyone thinks is Disney, but isn't. Dmitri is the hottest animated man ever.

Bring it On: All or Nothing. The straight-to-DVD ( think) third Bring it On movie, with Hayden Panetierre. I have no idea why I like it so much.

National Treasure. I have no justification for having this movie on my iPod, except that Sean Bean and the guy who plays Nicholas Cage's sidekick are hot.

Oh, and A Muppet Treasure Island. Tim Curry is the best pirate ever!

Posted by: Ella at August 1, 2007 7:17 PM

Ella: I have to agree with you. Dimitri is the hottest animated man ever. Anastasia is also one of my shameful favorites. Let's keep this between ourselves, yes?

Posted by: Erica O. at August 1, 2007 7:21 PM

"Oh yeah, 'Fright Night' (Thanks for the reminder savoyeve). Damn that's so bad, but I loved it back in the day. I even still have the soundtrack. On cassette, natch.....

'Welcome to.... Frrright Nnnight. For REAL!'
Is it wrong that I thought Jerry Dandridge was effing hot? ;-)"

Tarn! I love you! =) That was the exact line I was thinking of when I posted that. I still have the fucking movie on VHS. Yikes.

Chris Sarandon was my childhood crush for years after that movie. Then I saw what a pussy he was in The Princess Bride and it burst my bubble.

Posted by: savoyeve at August 1, 2007 7:22 PM

*Hudson Hawk
*Bachelor Party (still think it's Hank's best work)
*Godfather 3 (Sophia's horrid acting is mesmerizing)
*Beerfest ("the old Trojan keg , very clever for Americans...")
*Spaceballs

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 1, 2007 7:23 PM

Dammit !! ditto on Fright Night ..Chris Sarandon is the shit!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 1, 2007 7:25 PM

How about The Heavenly Kid? Anyone? Anyone?

And props to those that stood up for The Last Unicorn. I LOVED that movie as a kid and still find it eerie and compelling as an adult.

Posted by: savoyeve at August 1, 2007 7:26 PM

I really thought I had this won with Spice World, but according to clarevoyance, I am not the only one ashamed of loving that movie. Of course, I blamed my kids - count us in for the Reunion tour though.
So, I went with my second choice - a movie that I loved, but have never heard anyone say anything positive about since - Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves. I am not even sure that I even saw it more than once because I was so embarrassed to admit that I liked it. And the coup de grace - Pretty Woman - yep, I really like that incredibly stupid and frankly fairly disturbing movie. That ought to get me a T-shirt!

Posted by: Catherine at August 1, 2007 7:29 PM

I think more than anything, this thread is making me want to revisit some of the craptastic movies I loved as a kid

Mannequin
Beastmaster!!
Clash of the Titans

So many more that you all are posting I COMPLETELY forgot about. Good stuff.

Posted by: savoyeve at August 1, 2007 7:29 PM

clarevoyance and Catherine:

There is ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING shameful about SpiceWorld. See you in the front row. (Fingers crossed)

Posted by: Ryan at August 1, 2007 7:32 PM

Dorcas? Dorcas?
Meow, Meow!!
I ain't got no femin-nine poleeeeeee-cat!
The pass is open, the pass is open!
Heavenly eyes, but *oooh!* that size!
Whose baby is this? EVERYONE: 'MINE!'

Dorcas was awesome because she was Julie Newmar back in her 'Newmeyer' days. Many of the Pontipy brothers were played by gynasts, so that
why they could dance whilst throwing axes and hammers. And who wouldn't love to see six women fight in their bloomers? I used to watch this movie every Sunday afternoon along with re-runs of 'Keeping up Appearances'. My sister used to own a copy of The Penthouse on VHS that she taped off the tv, but I'm sure she wouldn't admit it. We would aslo watch Sleeping with the Enemy back before we all began hating Julia Roberts--so until about 1993 for me. It was something to watch besides 'Problem Child', which for some reason was shown every Sunday for about seven years straight on CTV. I don't know what they were thinking there.

Nothing but Trouble? Isn't that the Mr. Bonecrusher movie? That's kind of sick. Oh well, one of my best friends loves Cavemen, but thinks I'm lost my marbles for loving Spinal Tap so much.

Posted by: M at August 1, 2007 7:34 PM

Syndie! I am with you on the Grease 2 love.

In fact, I saw that one before I ever saw Grease and referred to it as the "real" Grease for years.

Posted by: savoyeve at August 1, 2007 7:35 PM

I'm sorry but the above movies are AFI masterpieces compared to:

Spice World.

shudder. but I love it.

Posted by: gilly at August 1, 2007 7:40 PM

"Shakma".
Christopher Atkins and Amanda Wyss being terrorised by an even more scary and lethal than usual baboon (it's been surgically messed with in the brain-matter, courtesy of medical students),
while a thoroughly unconvincing game of dungeons and dragons is played within the locked halls of the same university overnight.

But even though objectively I can see where other people might say this is crap, I really like it and I'm not ashamed!
So I'm not sure I qualify for the thread. :D
I actually have a LOT of *questionable* movies I love for weird reasons that I also feel quite at peace with. :D
While I'm here, "Girlfriend From Hell". Don't even get me started on how much I love that movie, just rent it and thank me later.

Posted by: Loob at August 1, 2007 7:49 PM

BarbadoSlim: Beerfest? Really? You're ashamed?

I am oh so proud of my love for that movie. Hell, I'd call it one of the best comedies to come out in at least the few years.

Posted by: Just Joe at August 1, 2007 7:50 PM

While I feel no shame, I think it only fair someone gives a mention to Sheena in a list of terrible movies that are loved. As I kid, I used to stand in the yard, fist to forehead and try to conjure zebras. When a flock of birds would fly over head, I'd tell myself my powers were getting stronger. And that theme music still brings me to tears, all pavlov's dog-like

Posted by: Beckylooo at August 1, 2007 7:52 PM

Holy crap! I love First Knight too!

But my biggest guilty pleasure is "Elektra" with Jennifer Garner...but that is mainly because she is Number 1 on my same sex top 5

Posted by: wandawoman at August 1, 2007 7:56 PM

"1) "The Pirate Movie." Yes, that's it's actual title. Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins. Pirate comedy based loosely on "The Pirates of Penzance." Features multiple music numbers, an underwater cartoon scene set to the song "Pumpin' and Blowin'" and ubiquitous, yet tame, sex jokes, not to mention an out-of-date (even for the 80s) Annette Funicello reference."

Dear God, Stacy, I thought I was the only one who'd ever seen this movie! In fact, when I later saw the Pirates of Penzance at music camp I couldn't believe that it had served as the basis for the Pirate Movie. My brother, sister (who was a tiny tot!) and I, not to mention our friends, kept this out of the video store for so long the summer it came out on video that I swear we were the only kids to ever watch it. Hell, I can't hear the "Modern Major General" song in Pirates without wanting to hear the line "I'm younger than the Beatles but older than the Rolling Stones" from the movie.

Ghastly!

(Now I don't feel so bad about loving those Star Wars prequels.)

Posted by: Armando at August 1, 2007 7:59 PM

"(Brian Blessed with wings - what's not to love!?)"

Dude, not just Brian Blessed with wings but Brian Blessed with wings yelling, "DIIIIIIVE!!!!" AND Max "The Seventh Seal" von Sidow camping it up (and having a hell of a good time from the looks of it) as Ming the Merciless, all to a mediocre but still kick ass Queen soundtrack. What's not to love about Flash Gordon?

Posted by: Armando at August 1, 2007 8:04 PM

My secret shame - and I mean so secret and so shameful that if anyone else is in the room with me (except my little brother) when I see this on I'll bad mouth it but send a silent message to the stars in apology - is Juwanna Mann. I can't help it - I think it is hilarious. It's one of the worst movies ever with a premise so flimsy a newborn could break it in two. I hide the VHS tape behind all the DVDs so my friends don't see it. I feel no need to defend my Juwanna Mann love. I love it. "I love you Juwanna Mann!"

Other favorites "guilty pleasures", but none as embarassing, are Summer School, Dangerous Minds, Brewster's Millions, Stop or My Mom Will Shoot (well, maybe that's more embarassing, but you don't see it on often), the Babysitter's Club (and I thought I was the only one to remember that), Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, So I Married an Axe Murderer, Dodgeball, Mommie Dearest (crazy bitch scared me right off of wire hangers) and anything with Adam Sandler in it (except Punch Drunk Love because if I wanted to be that depressed, I would record my own life and watch that over and over). Also, everytime Goodfellas is on I must watch it, but since that's an awesome flick, I don't think that counts.

Much love to all the Son in Law, Overboard, Madhouse, Nothing But Trouble, Money Pit, Troop Beverly Hills, Cutting Edge, Captain Ron and Cool Runnings crew. I'm sure there are a ton more that I haven't thought of, but I'll know them when I see them and I won't change the channel.

Posted by: Clevegal42 at August 1, 2007 8:05 PM

I actually considered putting my initials up instead of my actual first name.

This is so embarrassing, but one of my favorite movies is HeartBreakers. I love it, and I own it- I've seen it probably over ten times. It has Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sigourney Weaver looking smokin' hot in it, and they play a mother-daughter pair who go around tricking men to marry them (sigourney) and then cheat on them (with Hewitt) and then divorce the men for settlement money.

This is going to sound incredibly superficial but I love basically every single outfit in this movie (with Hewitt's incredible rack) and all the physical comedy, and how they are able to trick men so easily (like use some guy's credit card to get gas or get a free meal or a free stay at a expensive hotel).

And every time Hewitt says to Weaver, "You're the only one I can trust in this world," it chokes me up because that's not true! And then Sigourney stops the car and wishes her happiness, and ahhhhhhh and at the end when Hewitt goes up to Jason Lee (who's forgettably sweet in this movie) and says, "My name... is Paige," I'm about ready to bawl.

gimme the shirt please.

Posted by: dene at August 1, 2007 8:05 PM

Charlie's Angels and Charlie's Angels II (the recent ones). It feels shameful, but I love watching the Angels run around and magically appear in different, outrageous outfits in every scene. And Crispin Glover sniffing hair! And the ridiculous plot, and Bill Murray and that one guy as the interracial and confusing Boseley family. Did I mention I like the Angels' ridiculous outfits?

Posted by: harlequin at August 1, 2007 8:16 PM

My only guilty pleasure is Pajiba.

Posted by: Dano at August 1, 2007 8:26 PM

I'm going to de-lurk and throw in "Trick Or Treat". Yes, I was a metalhead back in the day. How can you beat a dead metal god who is summoned from the Other Side by playing his last recording backwards? Plus it had Skippy from "Family Ties" as a metalhead besieged by preppies. Even Gene Simmons got some face time (of course). No tongue, though.

Favorite line:

"What, is Rock's Chosen Warrior a pussy?"

Posted by: Ned Hades at August 1, 2007 8:27 PM

Willow is my favorite movie of all time *blush*

My husband and I collect cheesy 80's horror or fantasy/sci-fi films. Our library is extensive and quite the talk of the town. Stuff like Ladyhawke, Lost Boys, The Last Starfighter, War Games, Enemy Mine, Batteries Not Included, Explorers, Legend, Dragonslayer, etc.

The Monster Squad was finally just released on DVD. "Wolfman's got nards!"

Posted by: CiCi at August 1, 2007 8:28 PM

Once Bitten. This is the movie where Lauren Hutton plays a vampire countess that needs to drink the blood of a male virgin to stay beautiful. Add some cheesy dialogue, the 2nd or 3rd greatest manservant ever, and a Halloween Party dance-off over Jim Carrey, and my secret shame ensues.

Posted by: Aya at August 1, 2007 8:29 PM

You've Got Mail. I just bought it today from Safeway for ten dollars. Maybe it's because I run a bookstore, maybe it's because it's AWESOME. (I also love the Shop Around the Corner, In The Good Ol' Summertime (Judy Garland and Van Johnson!!!!), and the musical She Loves Me). They are all re-tellings of the same damn story, and I love them.

7 Brides. . .best line? "A man can't sleep, when he sleeps with sheep." OR "Can't make no vows, to a heard of cows." LOVE.

Posted by: redbeaniegirl at August 1, 2007 8:32 PM

Oh and Beastmaster. Natch.

Posted by: redbeaniegirl at August 1, 2007 8:36 PM

GI Joe the Movie. Yes that one. It features the voices Don "Crockett" Johnson, Burgess Meredith, and Sgt. Slaughter- yes that Sgt. Slaughter.

Favorite character from that movie: Nemisis Enforcer-absolutely awsesome bad guy.

Coolest moment, when you get to see what Cobra Comander looks like under that silver plate right before he turns into a big snake.

Close second to GI Joe: Babycakes. Rikki Lake man. Before she got the tv show and after she did the awesome Hairspray. I love movies where the fat girl wins in the end.

And last but certainly not least: 2 can play that game. Just for that one moment when Vivica A. Fox looks at the camera and says "What is it about men and big booties" after she catches an old man staring at her ass in the elevator.

Thanks for this thread because now I can proudly say "I Ain't Shamed!" as I hide behind the anonymity of the internet.

I almost forgot: Cruel Intentions 2. Who can forget the horse back riding scene? Hilarious from start to finish.

Posted by: cmoody at August 1, 2007 8:39 PM

both of mine have already been mentioned: Home Alone and You've got Mail.
Anytime Home Alone is on television I feel compelled to watch it. And I own a VHS copy of You've Got Mail...I'm too embarassed to by it on DVD; that would be admitting that I actually watch it.

Posted by: drea at August 1, 2007 8:41 PM

Fine. You people made me bring out the big guns. Here we go:

Deadly Friend starring Kristy Swanson, directed by Wes Craven.

Proof: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadly_Friend

Redeeming quality: It showed Swanson that maybe Buffy (the movie) wasn't so bad?

Posted by: Vermillion at August 1, 2007 8:42 PM

you guys beat me to these movies, but they are still my shame

spice world

anastasia

the mighty ducks D2

bring it on

the craft

Posted by: jessie-marie at August 1, 2007 8:43 PM

I just thought of more.

Oh man this is so embarassing.

The Tomb Raider movies. Yes I am one of those girls with a crush on Angelina Jolie even though its no longer cool to say.

The Resident Evil movies. I know she sucks, but I really want Milla Jovovich around if there is ever an onslaught of zombies attacking my peaceful little neighborhood.

Walking Tall- The Rock is just plain sexy.

Posted by: cmoody at August 1, 2007 8:43 PM

Ok, I'm sorry about saying that Pajiba is my only guilty pleasure. It's actually "Dracula A.D. 1972". This Hammer offering is perhaps the worst horror film since "Plan 9 From Outer space". Sure, it stars Christoper lee as Count Dracula and Peter Cushing as Van Helsing, but the attempt to update the story to 1972 was a hilarious disaster. There has NEVER been a film more jam packed with unintentional humor. The plot is familiar: Dracula comes back from the grave to ravage ever nubile young woman in sight. But this time he is summoned by hippies in London looking for kicks in 1972. When their satanic ritual goes terribly wrong, they must either runs for their lives or get their well deserved comeuppance for messing around with black magic. You get the picture. It also ends predictably; Van Helsing kills Dracula AGAIN, and the remaining hippies put their wild days behind them. Do yourself a favor and rent this right away.

Posted by: Dano at August 1, 2007 8:51 PM

Jesus, how can I forget the classic Satisfaction Justine Bateman trying her best to be a singer? Jokes about the girls in the band being on their periods? Come on its a classic.

Posted by: cmoody at August 1, 2007 8:52 PM

Jesus, how can I forget the classic Satisfaction Justine Bateman trying her best to be a singer? Jokes about the girls in the band being on their periods? Come on its a classic.

And the perenial Mother, May I sleep with Danger? Tori Spelling being stalked by her boyfriend? Good times man. Good Times.

Posted by: cmoody at August 1, 2007 8:53 PM

OK people, I have a reason for my guilty pleasures, a justification! I do a lot of babysitting, and the easiest way to calm down hyped-up, over-sugared kids is to shove in a DVD.

Guilty Pleasure #1 is The Lizzie McGuire Movie. So cute and colourful and filled with cheesy-goodness. Lizzie is the awkward teenager who is mistaken for an Italian pop-star during her trip to Rome. She eventually overcomes her nerves and self-consciousness (and a greasy little slime-ball named Paolo) to perform as a pop-star at an awards show. The kids I babysit for (who, I maintain, FORCED me to watch it for the first time) love Lizzie because she is awkard and clumsy, has embarassing moments, fights with friends, but always tries to be good/purehearted(/trendily clad). I think thats why I like it too- Lizzie is endearingly real, strives to be good, and gosh-darn she triumphs in the end! And, if you watch the DVD extras, you can actually learn about Rome, which is an added (educational, and therefore justifying) bonus!

Guilty Pleasure #2 is Suddenly 30 (I think it was named 13 going on 30 in America). Anyway, it is the wonderful, wonderful story of Jennifer Garner being a thirteen year old magically transformed into a thirty year old. Of course, even though she wished for this transformation she finds out that its really not all that it's cracked up to be ("thirty, flirty and thriving"!), but she manages to turn her life around and a wonderfully happy ending ensues. For all of you with more cool-cred than me, I'm going to say that Mark Ruffalo's presence in the movie is justification for my excessive enjoyment of this film. But if I was being truthful, I would say it's the archetypal story of getting what you wished for then finding out its not what you thought it would be. The movie is so sweet and innocent, and J.Garn's character is so dammn purehearted and good... Get's me everytime!!

Guilty Pleasure #3 is The Princess Diaries. Before Anne Hathaway was busy flashing her boobies in Brokeback etc, she was Mia Thermopolous - dorky high schooler transformed into Princess Mia of Genovia. Through the tried-and-tested techniques of the movie makeover, Mia straightens her frizzy hair, loses the glasses for contacts and forsakens straight teeth by ditching her braces, we see the emergence of Princess Mia, a confident and (sometimes) articulate heir to the Genovian throne. Aaaaah, sugary goodness. As further justification, the sequel has a strong feminist message (well, strong for a Disney movie), and Mia overthrows the archaic Genovian law that requires all queens to be married before they can assume the throne.

So orignally I was forced to watch all these movies by the kids I babysit for (I totally was forced, OK?) but now I... kind of own all three on DVD. It would seem I am a sucker for a physical-transformation-as-metaphor-for-interanl-transformation, pureheartedness-triumphs-in-the-end, gosh-darn-feel-good movie!

Posted by: JJ McClay at August 1, 2007 8:54 PM

Why I was reminded of this by reading about Captain Ron (which is awesome, BTW), but I must add "Hard Target" with Jean-Claude Van Damme. (I suspect most, if not all, of his work probably could be considered a guilty pleasure.) Anyway, in this particular masterpiece, he's a fashion designer (I know!) in Hong Kong. There are fake designer sneakers which somehow relate to terrorism, and then Paul Sorvino shows up. It's choice.

I was convinced to see this by an ex-BF who lured me with J-C's nickname, "The Muscles from Brussels." I could not resist.

Posted by: LauraP at August 1, 2007 8:59 PM

OK, I just remembered a specific movie that I love though it is on Pajiba's Worst Blockbusters of All Time list: Van Helsing. The hubby and I watch it every time it's on cable, and if I happen to see it at the grocery store one day, I'll probably buy it (though I'm at least not going out of my way to order it). Here are my reasons for loving it:

1. I have a soft spot for vampire movies. I blame a pair of twins I was friends with in college for this. They loaned me all their Anne Rice books (another secret shame) and rented endless vampire films to show me.
2. I love the Dutch and Van Helsing is a Dutch dude in Bram Stoker's Dracula, though Hugh doesn't seem to be playing Dutch.
2. Hugh Jackman makes my little heart go pitter patter.
3. Kate Beckinsale's accent is hilarious.
4. Very hot David Wenham plays a bumbling comic relief sideckick...what the heck?
5. The special effects are laughable.

I have to admit reading my own reasons that I obviously love it because of (not in spite of) its awfulness. Re-reading the brief review on the Worst Blockbusters list, I see that Philip writes: "At least Monster Squad had camp." I don't get this. I think Van Helsing is gloriously camp.

OK, maybe I should go hang my head in shame now.

Posted by: Lainie at August 1, 2007 8:59 PM

Alright, fuck you, Pajiba.

Titanic.

So the defence? I was living in France when they released the flick, which the French promptly dubbed into French, because, you know, French sounds better. Apparently LDC sounds better as G Depardieu. Whatever.

Point is I couldn't speak French, and spent the entire 4 hours, 55 minutes staring at Kate Winslet's lips for the dialogue and... falling in love. Hard. Now I can't look past the movie.

As I said, fuck you, Pajiba.

Posted by: Peter G at August 1, 2007 9:11 PM

Labyrinth with Jennifer Connolly and David Bowie. My daughter and I both LOVE that movie. I used to justify watching the movie with my daughter because we both loved fantasy and of course, Jim Henson and his puppets. But secretly I lusted after David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King. My favorite scene - when the Goblin King tries to seduce Sarah at the costume ball - love that song "As the World Falls Down." And yes, I downloaded it to my MP3 player!

Posted by: mamoo at August 1, 2007 9:27 PM

Home Alone - yes, thank you, thank you. I love it. I always have. I love Home Alone 2: Lost in New York almost as much. They're comfort movies to me. They remind me of being a kid at Christmas.

Other guilty pleasures...
1. The Brady Bunch Movie (does it count?)
2. Not just Son in Law, but Bio-dome, Jury Duty, and In the Army Now. What can I say, I love Pauly Shore. F.
3. The Net
4. Two if by Sea, a romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and DENIS LEARY.

Posted by: Katie at August 1, 2007 9:32 PM

In response to the Bowie/Labyrinth love, I present to you this gem of a website.

http://areaology.com/area.html

Posted by: redbeaniegirl at August 1, 2007 9:33 PM

For the Labyrinth lovers I present http://areaology .com/area.html

Posted by: redbeaniegirl at August 1, 2007 9:37 PM

Just Joe: Dammned right!! Beerfest is funnier than Old School.

Some other:

*Modern Girls (Those who share this shame will know what I'm talking about)

* Star Trek V (how do I say this...hmmm I think it captures that certain campiness and absurdity that the original series DID have, the other movies are WAY too serious.)

*Up the Creek (80's teen comedy)

*Making the Grade (what can I say, it's fucking JUDD NELSON and it was 1984)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 1, 2007 9:42 PM

The Greatest Story Ever Told. I was fascinated/traumatized by it as a small child. A partial listing of the cast should suffice as explanation: Jesus=Max Von Sydow; Charlton Heston=John the Baptist; Claude Raines=Herod; Telly Fucking Savalas=Pontius Pilate; and many smaller roles filled by: Shelley Winters, Robert Blake, Jamie Farr, Martin Landau, Sal Mineo, Sidney Poitier, and, as the Centurion, JOHN WAYNE, speaking the immortal line, "Shurely, this musta been the sonna Gawd."

If that isn't shameful enough, then, Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx. Loved it. Early (1970) Gene Wilder as an Irish manure-seller. Oh. My. God.

Posted by: Cris at August 1, 2007 9:46 PM

I'm supposed to be working or I would have read ALL the comments- and I will later, promise. But my guilty pleasure/secret shame? Earth Girls Are Easy. "What'll it beeeee, hmmmm?" Oh shit, it's STILL funny.

Okay, and... The People Under The Stairs. That movie is DUMB, and I love it.

Posted by: Hattie at August 1, 2007 9:46 PM

Someone said Con Air earlier... I have to concur. First of all, there's the plot. It's completely ludicrous, and is basically just a vehicle for explosions and Nicholas Cage pretending to be very dramatic. It's full of people who I recognize but have never learned the names of, and they've all been given these hysterical nicknames ("The Virus"? "Diamond Dog"?). It's also got a ton of people whose names I do know, and they're all at their absolute worst, except maybe Steve Buscemi. And, finally, "One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.". Priceless.
Seriously, I watch it whenever it's on tv. And imdb tells me that it got nominated for two Oscars. Which is the best thing I have heard in weeks.

Posted by: Zuzu at August 1, 2007 9:47 PM

Dude, EVERYONE loves Sleeping with the Enemy. Ain't no shame in your game.

Posted by: Richard at August 1, 2007 9:55 PM

*Under Seige--so help me that Gary Busey's veneers take up half the scenery, and Steven Seagal's muscles take up the other half. I cannot look away whenever my dad puts it in, or it's on TV. "He's just a cook." We all know better, Gary.

*Our Lips Are Sealed--The Olsen twins are certainly not rich for nothing. I was 14--15? 16? Screw it, I enjoyed it thoroughly, and I still do. At Christmas, my little sister and I follow it up with To Grandmother's House We Go.

*The Beautician and the Beast--c'mon, The Nanny in eastern Europe, wooing Timothy Dalton?? I still find that scene about the daughter thinking sex was eating ice cream and holding hands hilarious.

I too found John Tucker to be very entertaining, and I actually caught myself being interested in the love triangle. I think I've thoroughly ashamed myself now.

Posted by: bonnie at August 1, 2007 10:00 PM

oh my GOD i love you people!! my father the hero?? get over it?? cabin boy?? CAPTAIN RON?? all movies that i both own and will watch whenever, wherever.

'get over it' is extremely underrated. ben foster is hilarious in that movie (he's still great, but in a much darker, intensely dramatic way--how bout you do another comedy sometime, foster?) martin short as forest desmond oates is awesome. put your hand DOWN, little steve!!! and ummmm, sisqo's acting debut?? i smell oscar! love love LOVE 'get over it'.

i can't believe how many other people on here love 'captain ron'. i honestly thought i was the only person on earth who actually bought that flick on dvd. kurt russell is awesome, but i'll be honest--i love martin short too. "been to disney world one too many times have we, captain ron?" i can't explain how much joy this movie brings me.

and i'll throw 'clifford' on my list too. it's a really weird movie where martin short plays a little boy who is pure evil and terrorizes his uncle, played by the one and only charles grodon (grodon, where you at these days??). watching martin short as clifford terrorize his parents, fellow passengers, and the pilot on a flight in the beginning of the film brings me wayyyy too much joy.

shit. i just realized all three of my flicks star martin short.

oohh, one more addition, how could i forget: 'HEAVYWEIGHTS'. a disney film written by judd apatow and starring a then relatively unknown ben stiller as a deranged fat-camp counselor. watching this movie is like crack for me.

Posted by: kyle janet at August 1, 2007 10:08 PM

I thought about this all afternoon, and I had my 2 shames, one being my love of Disney's Ice Princess because what's a better message than "I can be a vegetarian feminist AND look pretty ice skating." That and by the end I'm sobbing because Joan Cusack finally understands! The second shame was, I tape Dr. Phil, everyday. You come home from a 2 hour commute thinking your life is shit. Pop in a little Dr. Phil, and hey, at least your mom isn't a crack addicted prostitute.

Then came the flashbacks to high school. I carried a red Duplo Bunny Bag as a purse. I learned all of Sailor Moon's transformation sequence. My friend Meghan and I used to do these sad little rounds where she sang the Japanese and I sang the English to the theme song. But then I remembered something, something I have tried to forget for many years. Something, to this day, makes me feel a little ill.

So as a sophmore in high school I used to tape, everyday, the Magic School Bus cartoon on PBS. I would tell my mother I was taping Sailor Moon, then sneak away to the upstairs TV and enjoy the many misadventures of Ms. Frizzle and the class. I knew the theme song, I knew all the characters. I paired them off in to couples, and wondered if they'd ever "get together." But they never did obviously, because they're third graders...and not real.

I went so far as to prepare a demonstrative speech for my sophmore speech class entitled "How to set your VCR to tape the Magic School Bus."

Does it matter Lily Tomlin voiced Ms. Frizzle? Or the theme music was performed by Little Richard? No. I was still a 16 year old watching the Magic School Bus.

Posted by: twilly at August 1, 2007 10:09 PM

Movies in my DVD collection that I might consider hiding if people came over I wanted to impress:

Save the Last Dance (I am a sucker for any dancing movie... even one as "real" as this one)

The Lake House (yes it is a little crappy, yes it has Sandra Bullock and a wooden Keanu, but I can't help it - I love it anyways)

High School Musical (I'm excited I got the sing-along edition)

Movies I've rented recently I haven't told anyone about:

John Tucker Must Die (I watched it 2 or 3 times - I am a sucker for the dorky brother)

Drive Me Crazy (I've rented that so many times I should just buy it - I'm a sucker for the boy next door)

Just Friends (it's embarassing just that I watched it - let alone loved it and rewatched it)

And I'm not embarassed to say I loved Worth Winning - especially the mouse olympics. Weeeee!!!

Posted by: mikki at August 1, 2007 10:20 PM

While we are at it add:

*Dirty Work (never thought I'd fin male on male prison rape funny, guess I was wrong)

*Dune (David Lynch is a wacko, Sting sucks, Oscar winner Jose Ferrer manning an anti-aircraft battery in full Emperor regalia, god. damn.)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 1, 2007 10:22 PM

I love me some Hocus Pocus too. And I totally remember being freaked out by Nothing But Trouble when I was a kid, although I always forget until someone mentions it.

Anyway, this is awful- Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. My siblings and I watched that damn tape ad nauseam every summer vacation. It is a horrible, terrible movie, and I won't argue anything but that. But for some reason I love it. Maybe just for the "and you must be the monopoly man" line. But maybe also because I'm a masochist. And now I feel a little better for admitting my secret shame...

Shaaawshank Redemption!

Posted by: Gudrun at August 1, 2007 10:25 PM

Shout outs to the mentions of Good Burger and Fright Night. And please call me when these movies will be on TV because I will rearrange my whole weekend around them.

I am also mildly ashamed of my love for So I Married an Axe Murderer. This was before Mike Myers' Scottish accent schtick got old. "Looook at the size of that boys head! It's like an orange on a toooothepick !" It also features Phil Hartman in a small but very funny role.

And Tommy Boy. I miss Chris Farley as much as anyone but this movie is so stupid. But it has Bo Derek messing around with Rob Lowe! And fat man in a little coat! What do you want from me? I'm only human.

Again, please contact me if any of these movies are being televised.

thank you

Posted by: greer at August 1, 2007 10:25 PM

Three words:

Streets of Fire.

Posted by: Nancy at August 1, 2007 10:32 PM

Barbado Slim, I LOOOOOVE Modern Girls!!
But again, not ashamed!
"He's not just some guy! He's Bruno X!"

Posted by: Loob at August 1, 2007 10:35 PM

DeVour and Cry_Wolf are two guilty pleasures that I own, but I believe my main guilty pleasure has already been mentioned a couple of times.

She's the Man.

Amanda freakin' Bynes, people. It's the recycled story about a girl, Viola, who goes undercover as her brother at a prep school to show that girls can play soccer just as good as guys. Her roommate is, of course, a completely gorgeous and sensitive and shy guy that Viola soon falls for, and wacky hijinks ensue when another girl at school gets a crush on Viola. It has none of the wit of Bring it On or even 10 Things I Hate About You, you can spot plot twists from a mile away, it's filled with pop-rock that would give even Avril Lavigne a headache, and the ending is so saccharinely sweet that it makes my teeth hurt.

But I crack up every single time I watch it. It's good for a light laugh if I've had a long day, and I still get a giddy feeling when he shows up at the end (and this is coming from someone who normally hates romantic movies. I wanted Mandy Moore to just frickin' die already in A Walk to Remember.*Shudders*). When I get up from watching She's the Man I smile for the rest of the day.

But I will never actually admit that to anyone offline.

Posted by: Michelle A. at August 1, 2007 10:35 PM

I have so, so many Secret Shame movies, but the top of the list (bottom? Whatever) would have to be 'Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.' God help me, I adore this movie. There's something about that era (pre-Castro) in Havana that comes off as so sexy and, hm, steamy (yeah, yeah, I know). The dancing in the film isn't bad, and, with the exception of Romola Garai, the actors aren't absolutely terrible, although I might be prejudiced because I totally want to have Diego Luna's babies (seriously - call me). Despite it being wildly anachronistic, I also really dig the music. In fact, to add to the shame factor, I also bought the soundtrack. *sigh*

It's just a trifle of a film that I can put on when I want to watch something silly. I also like to use it as an example of a movie that just went horribly wrong somewhere. I mean, you have Latin dancing, two star-crossed lovers, a revolution - the ingredients for a movie that, if done right, would have been really fascinating.

Posted by: Mimi at August 1, 2007 10:43 PM

Ohhhh man. Top Secret (have it on DVD), Spice World, Con Air, AND Major League (also on DVD) are all favorites of mine.

There is nothing wrong with Major League! Wesley Snipes is awesome in that movie. Go Tribe!

I am the tackiest person in the world, aren't I?

Posted by: Claire at August 1, 2007 10:45 PM

Oh, and Reign of Fire. Christian Bale AND Gerard Butler in a terrible movie about DRAGONS!? That is just too much awesome to ignore!

Posted by: Claire at August 1, 2007 10:48 PM

Mean Girls and You Got Served.

Hearing the lines "Hot choco-latte makes the pain go away" and "You suckers got served" cracks me up every time.

Posted by: jo at August 1, 2007 10:59 PM

Oh boy, was this ever a fun read. I have so many guilty pleasures, but I suppose these are the most guilty ones:

1. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM. Yes, I know it's a cartoon. And yes, I know its a terrible rip off of the book, and a Don Bluth film to boot. But damn if I don't get wistful and watch it from time to time.
2. You've Got Mail. *sigh* I pride myself on hating most rom-coms. But this one, THIS ONE, I just can't help but love. It makes me all warm and tingly.
3. Newsies. At parts, I'm okay. During other parts, I just have this ridiculous grin that ranges between "God, I love this" and "I can't believe I actually love this".

Posted by: Lexie at August 1, 2007 10:59 PM

Claire: Reign of Fire is. a fucking. classic. Matthew Mac chewing up scenery hahahaha, you can almost smell the sweat.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 1, 2007 11:03 PM

Twenty years ago I overheard my barely literate 15 year old nephew telling my sister, "Mom. Did you know that a lady had sex with an alien and then had a baby?" She asked him, "What makes you say that?", and he answered, "It's says so right here in this newspaper." That newspaper was the National Enquirer and I've loved it ever since. I've never purchased one but read any of them I get near.

Posted by: Kenneth at August 1, 2007 11:06 PM

BABYCAKES!!!

One of my college girlfriends made me watch it, her roommate being a sort of shame partner with her on it. I'm still convinced that was Stephin Merritt singing the theme song. Overall it was fantastic.

I'm supposed to be embarrassed by "Straight To Hell". But NO. Even wrote a term paper on it.

Got an A, bitches!

I'm only embarrassed by what turns me on, being a repressed librarian and all. But I still think "Lost In Space" was good fun and "Mystery Men" was really good! I don't get movie shame, just "too bad you're not having fun with me, schmuck". But just to throw one out, having just turned 9 I was bewildered when I started hearing that people were confused by "Dune" and then that it wasn't being especially well-received. Hadn't touched the book, but the story seemed perfectly simple to me and just friggin GREAT. Tarantino movies and soundtracks were a little embarrassing, personally, in the mid to late 90s after it was all so crushingly hip that it eventually felt lame to be seen or heard with these items and about as hip as the Ghostbusters episode of Diff'rent Strokes. I put myself off of RD and PF for a few years, til I could come back and just enjoy it again. Being in a college town when something blows up like that is a dangerous thing. I hate when people gang up and hype me, but feeling like you'd be busted if someone heard you playing "Little Green Bag" and "knew you'd bought in to" is probably worse.

Posted by: Jay at August 1, 2007 11:07 PM

My secret shame is The Comfort of Strangers. It is the oddest, most compelling movie I've ever seen (next to The Music of Chance). I am completely captivated by the cinematography and beauty of Venice, while at the same time horrified by the goings-on between Christopher Walken Helen Mirren, Rupert Everett and Natasha Richardson - and the most bizarre ending. It is somehow sensual and creepy at the same time. I have never met (in person) anyone else who has seen the movie, never mind loved it in the way that I do. I love every moment of Christopher Walken's crazy, over-the-top performance, from his leading Colin and Mary to a restaurant with no food to the stories of his father and the unexpected punch. I first saw the movie by accident flipping through channels late at night, and I could hardly sleep trying to figure out what it all meant. I could watch it over and over.

Posted by: Cindy at August 1, 2007 11:10 PM

For what is worth, when I come to Pajiba I don't feel alone anymore.

French Kiss: Meg Ryan playing adorkable in France

Mannequin: Andrew McCarthy

Romy and Michelle Highschool reunion: "sometimes I wish I was a lesbian"

She's the man: I love "twelfth night", the book and the movie with Helena Bonham Carter, and Amanda Bynes makes for the most disturbing teenager since Pat (you know, It's Pat! from SNL)

Spice World: so much to love!

Elvis Costello playing bartender, Hugh Laurie playing Poirot and Alan Cumming when he still was likable instead of disturbing and let's not forget the Spice's take on Gary Glitter's "leader of the gang"

Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on
D'you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang, D'you wanna be in my gang,

Oh Yeah!

Posted by: goldend at August 1, 2007 11:27 PM

So happy to see The Pirate Movie & Xanadu on the list - Xanadu was the first VHS tape my family ever purchased (for around $80!) and I probably watched it 200 times growing up. And would still watch it, if I hadn't worn out the tape. And I'm so happy to see other Pajibans who loved "Pump & Blow" from The Pirate Movie.

My ultimate guilty pleasure is Ladyhawke. Matthew Broderick as clever young con artist Mouse, Rutger Hauer & Michelle Pfeiffer as cursed lovers - Rutger Hauer is a knight who becomes a wolf at night, and Michelle Pfeiffer is a hawk (a Ladyhawke) during the day. They meet for only seconds each day, and oh the pathos in those seconds. I had a HUGE crush on Matthew Broderick for years because of this film. The special effects are atrocious, there's a wonderful fight scene set to disco (did I mention that the movie is set in 13th or 14th century France?), and I cry every time I see it.

Posted by: ariel at August 1, 2007 11:29 PM

Teen Witch.

At work about a year ago (I'm the Womanager of a bookstore) this movie was on a merchandising list and I kind of squealed with glee... in front of some people. I had to explain what the movie was and I could see the dawning horror in my employees eyes as they realized what I was talking about. I thought I left this dirty little secret with my childhood chums when I moved to California.

I think my love of this movie has something to do with the fact that as a young girl I too started getting interested in boys, wanted confidence totalk to my crush, and as a South Jersey gal thought that big hair and a healthy application of jewlery solved all of life's problems.

Besides helping to bring rap music into the mainstream, this movie also taught me "the real magic is believing in yourself".

Now top that!

Posted by: windthefrogg at August 1, 2007 11:33 PM

Some of mine:

- Strange Brew (I mean its based on Shakespeare for goodness sake)
- Orgazmo
- Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure
- Berry Gordy's the Last Dragon (Sho'nuff the Shogun of Harlem - was there ever a better character name than that?)
- Making the Grade (noticed it above - still waiting for the sequal promised in the end credits - Tourista)
- Ford Fairlane (same reasons as someone mentioned above)
- Ace Ventura
- Encino Man (no more weasing the juice)
- Midnight Run (although I dont know if that really counts)
- Battlefield Earth (but more for watching a train wreck a la MST3K than enjoyment of the film itself)

Posted by: pattonbt at August 1, 2007 11:35 PM

Where did Michael Biehn's life go after the motherfucking TERMINATOR??! Uh, the motherfucking ABYSS, THE TERMINATOR, THE ROCK, MOTHER FUCKING ALIENS, MOTHER FUCKING TOMBSTONE, NAVY FUCKING SEALS, JADE WITH MOTHERFUCKING DAVID CARUSO, FUCKING GRIND HOUSE, SEVERAL EPISODES OF HILL STREET BLUES AND LAW AND ORDER, A JESUS WARRIOR IN MEDIGGO THE OMEGA CODE 2, SMOKING TIBERIUM CRYSTALS IN COMMAND AND CONQUEAR WITH BILL D FUCKING WILLIAMS.....so stop fucking asking a stupid question like "duh where did Michael Biehns life go" CAUSE THE ANSWER IS RIGHT HERE!!!

Posted by: Gigantor at August 1, 2007 11:47 PM

Ooh, this was tough. I love quality flicks, but I think I might enjoy terrible ones just a little bit more..."Empire Records", "Shag: The Movie", "Overboard", "Teen Witch", "Center Stage", and "Camp" are all in my dvd collection...but I think the guiltiest has to be
"Under the Tuscan Sun". It is my go-to break-up movie..just always makes me feel better. Plus I love the setting. I've been to Cortona, where it was filmed and I loved it. The plot is shamelessly cheesy and I just adore it.

P.S. I have the Elmopalooza soundtrack. Surely that must count for bonus points

Posted by: Al at August 1, 2007 11:50 PM

My secret shame is that I own, and enjoy on a semi-regular basis, the movie 'What a Girl Wants'. Still, at 21, this movie makes me go all gooey. But hey, it has Colin Firth (in leather pants...), Anna Chancellor and Jonathon Pryce, even if the main role is played by a Nickolodean teen...and, it has dancing, which, as mentioned previously, always doubles the enjoyment...

Posted by: rach at August 1, 2007 11:51 PM

I watched and loved all of the Land Before Time movies up to number 6, when I cut myself off for what I deemed "my own good". I know most people say the first is great and the rest suck, but I loved all of them. And although it's been years since I've seen any of them, I know I'd still love them today.

Posted by: Nikki at August 1, 2007 11:51 PM

I have just two words for you:

White. Chicks.

It's embarassing and shameful, but I think I make up for it with a love for really GOOD cinema like "Troop Beverly Hills" and "Hello Again." (I have a weird bi thing for Shelley Long...so sue me.)

Good call on "Hocus Pocus."

-s-

Posted by: Shane Smith at August 1, 2007 11:53 PM

Oh, I love Hocus Pocus! I need the DVD. I remember watching that in my 3rd grade class, and I loved it then and haven't gotten better since, apparently.

Here's my choice: Josie and the Pussycats. I own the soundtrack, people. Seriously, 'Josie and the Pussycats, long tails, and ears for hats!' What's NOT to love? It's got conspiracies with subliminal messages in music, Lisping Lisa, White Ass Wally, 'backdoor lovin' boy-band Du Jour...

I need to watch this movie again. NOW.

Posted by: Gabs at August 1, 2007 11:57 PM

Two words:

HOT SHOTS

I can watch Lloyd Bridges put that hankerchief through his brain over and over.

Also Hot Shots Part Deux was one of the few sequels that lived up to its predecessor

Posted by: Jacqui at August 2, 2007 12:00 AM

WAIT JUST A FUCKIN SECOND. 319 responses is a bit to much for me to skim through....BUT I must say that I would have to put Patrick Swayze's classic of American cinema "Road House" in here, problem is, the movie does not suck, it's fucking awesome...because we all know, "the dancing is over and now it's time to get dirty"

Posted by: Gigantor at August 2, 2007 12:01 AM

Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

Dave Chappell! Captain Picard! Mel Brooks as mildly offensive Jewish Stereotype! But who am I kidding, everying is s stereotype in that movie, for varying levels of offensiveness. Keep in mind I carry a great deal residual Cary Elwes love from The Princess Bride, but that doesn't go very far towards justifying my fondness for this monstrosity. At least "Men in Tights" is a better theme song than "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)." Marginally.

"We're men, we're men in tights! (Tigh tights!)"

Posted by: KStar at August 2, 2007 12:05 AM

A Goofy Movie.

And I have some of the songs on my ipod...which I sing along to in the car.

Posted by: jvo at August 2, 2007 12:12 AM

Where the Heart Is.

Um...yeah. Natalie Portman and Ashley Judd are pretty? I guess what I really love is that while it appears to be a typical, bland, Lifetime-style chick flick, so much crazy shit happens in this, and it's hilarious. The deadbeat dad gets his legs torn off by a train. Natalie lives in a Walmart (and delivers her baby there). Crazy Bible-thumpers steal said baby and leave her in a church nativity scene for no apparent reason. Natalie almost gets sucked up by a tornado but is saved by Stockard Channing, who is apparently stronger than, you know, a tornado. Ashley gets married, like, 17 times. And did I mention the pretty? It's obvious that whoever made this really thought they were tapping in to America's down-home country roots and creating a modern-day folk tale, instead of a hot mess of...I don't even know. The anvils, they rain down from the sky. And watching spoiled, snobby actors pretend to be white trash is just too much fun.

Also, A Knight's Tale. I just can't resist Paul Bettany as Chaucer and Rufus Sewell as Sexy Evil Dude.

Posted by: TT at August 2, 2007 12:17 AM

1) Overboard. My deep and abiding love for this film has caused me much humiliation over the years. Starring Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, it tells the heart-warming tale of spoiled rich bitch Joanna who comes down with a bad case of amnesia after falling off her yacht. Her husband (Grant Stayton III, played by Edward Herrmann) is none too troubled by her disappearance and takes full advantage of her absence, throwing a series of sexy parties on her yacht. Meanwhile, Joanna is taken home from the hospital by Kurt Russell (I think his character's name is Dean), who decides to repay her for tossing him off her yacht when he failed to successfully complete a carpentry job by convincing her that she is married to an out-of-work handyman and mother to, like, 25 young boys. I don't know what it is about this movie with its beyond-formulaic plot that gets me, but whenever it's on television I am physically unable to look away. Maybe it's the fact that Dean's secret dream is to build his own SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD-THEMED MINIATURE GOLF COURSE, or perhaps it's the final scene when real-life lovers Goldie and Kurt dive into the ocean and swim towards each other shouting 'arturo' and 'catarina' (don't ask), or maybe I'm just very easily manipulated by small, badly-behaved children who just want to be loved, but I flat-out adore this movie. And so should you, you heartless bastards.

2) I also really really really love The Mighty Ducks. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!

Posted by: nadia at August 2, 2007 12:19 AM

Okay, Barbado, Dirty Work is a little shameful. But it was directed by Bob Saget and, dammit, there's this exchange:

Mitch: I've never seen so many dead whores in all my life!
Bystander: Lord knows I have...

Anyone who's ashamed of Tommy Boy needs to take themselves a little less seriously. That movie is just stupid fun at its pinnacle.

Posted by: Just Joe at August 2, 2007 12:32 AM

I think I've seen "Honey" about 30 times. I own it, yet hide it because I'm so ashamed. I could probably recite every line. I have no excuse for this. I know it's a terrible movie, but I love it. But if I were honest with myself, I guess I like really terrible movies in general because after going through the previous posts, I found I enjoyed more than half of the movies that had been posted.

Posted by: kylers at August 2, 2007 12:33 AM

Okay Dustin, promise you won't think less of me.
PROMISE, DAMMIT!

You know I have a not so secret crush on you (won't act on it though, you have a family and I respect that) and it would kill me if I knew that you lost all respect for me. However, I think I have your winner.

My guilty pleasure is:

Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo

I know, I know, I know. I just can't help. I know it is awful. I know it is a pile of crap.
But it makes me laugh. I giggle to myself when I think of Norm McDonald refer to has manhood as "he-pussy". Terrible yes, but funny. The plot was paper thin, the gags were stupid, the so-called mystery was not hard to figure out. Yet, I laughed like a little school girl. I even watched it a second time and still laughed.

I have laid bare my secret shame to you and all who read the comment section. I can only hope that because I am so far down on the list that no one will take the time to read the comments all the way through.

I am sure I will be ridiculed for years to come on this site. And for what - the chance to win a t-shirt and some stationary? I am a whore. Oh, well.

To the fine readers of Pajiba, don't hate me.

And to you Dustin, I hope you haven't lost all respect for me. But if I am bored, there is nothing good on TV, and Deuce is playing on cable - I will watch. Oh yes, I will watch.

Posted by: jen310 at August 2, 2007 12:52 AM

I obviously didn't read the comments too closely before posting about Overboard. I must say I'm pretty relieved that I'm not the only one.

Posted by: katy at August 2, 2007 12:54 AM

Ok - can't believe no one has mentioned it..."Maximum Overdrive"
Creepy trucks - check, Emilio Estevez - check, letch bible salesman - check. and the chick from one of the political scandals getting all freaked and screaming at the gun truck. Plus, this movie has one of the funniest lines ever. "son, your daddy done got snuffed!"
Also, "They Live." Science fiction with Rowdy Roddy Piper! Fight scene that lasts for an hour and a half! So funny that they faithfully reproduced the fight on South Park.
All you needed was the right sunglasses to see the aliens!
Love the pure cheese of both of these.
Oh, and Maximum Overdrive has a soundtrack by AC/DC. How cool it that?
Doesn't matter when either of these movies are on - I'm required by law to sit and watch to the end!

Posted by: trixie at August 2, 2007 12:56 AM

I'm guessing Eszterhas and Klosterman had something to do with it.

In Chuck Klosterman IV, he has an essay that basically says the same thing: The "guilty" in guilty please has lost its meaning.

"this would imply that were people not coerced into watching Roadhouse every time it was on TBS, they'd just as likely be reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man"

And I gotta agree and go with Hocus Pocus.

Posted by: wrion at August 2, 2007 1:06 AM

*blush* Some of my favorite movies in the whole wide world are listed here... but not all of them!! ;) Hackers and Tank Girl are tied for first place in my hall of shame! How can you not love Matthew Lillard in pigtails and super silly graphics? I still quote it all the time (and have all 3 soundtracks that spawned from it). Then there is Tank Girl...what other movie has Ice-T dressed up as a large kangaroo? The best part is Lori Petty singing "Let's Do It" by Cole Porter in a brothel. Damn, I love that movie!

Posted by: Fish Face at August 2, 2007 1:06 AM

G.I. Jane. Because I love it when a chick kicks ass and shows up the boys. And secondly, Viggo Mortenson. I loved him BEFORE he was Aragorn.

Posted by: Bec at August 2, 2007 1:16 AM

"Traxx". Shadoe Stevens as the most unusual adorable mercenary/town cleaner-upper.
But what he really wants to be is the new Famous Amos.
"My rocks taste like cookies.. uh, my cookies taste like rocks."
If that movie ever comes out on dvd, it will be like Christmas all year round. :)

Posted by: Loob at August 2, 2007 1:17 AM

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles 3. The scene that really makes the movie for me is when they are sneaking back into the castle through the sewage grate in the torture room and the fat guard goes to investigate the cat noises coming out from the grate when suddenly these green hands reach out to grab him and pull him down the sewer. This is, of course, accompanied by the dialogue that we have all grown to love from the TMNT franchise: "Meow, dude!" "Sayonara, blubberbutt!"
I used to not be ashamed to admit that this was one of my favorite movies but the look of disappointment on people's faces has recently led me to rescind that opinion. I miss the innocence of youth.

Posted by: milkshakesmelt at August 2, 2007 1:27 AM

Boat Trip. That scene when they finally realize they're on a gay cruise is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on film. And you know mine beats all of yours...

Posted by: Smash at August 2, 2007 2:28 AM

Again, late for these things! No matter, here goes:

The Perfect Score

I bought the DVD for 5 dollars canadian. So this says something about how great the movie is (it's made by MTV films). I love it though, as an overachieving high-school student I can relate to getting royally stressed out (and screwed over) by standardized tests. This movie is the modern (and much weaker version) of the Breakfast Club. It features Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, Erika Christensen, Matthew Lillard, Bryan Greenberg and the hilarious comedian Leonardo Nam. The movie is overly earnest, and most of the actors are overthinking their roles. But it's hilarious..and the plot sorta works (even though it's generic and anyone with half a brain could have guessed the ending).

My favorite movie line:
Next year at Harvard, SAT is gonna stand for Stoned And Toasted.

The best 5 dollars I've ever spent.

Posted by: io at August 2, 2007 2:38 AM

This is possibly counted as so-awful-it's-amazing, or at least that's how I publicly justify it (fake cheeky pride to mask mortification = the best)..

A sincere, deep and abiding love for The Power Rangers Movie.
And all of the music. This includes Alphas ai-yi-yi song.

The dialogue, barring that of Ivan Ooze (ok, his too, but his is REALLY good pantovillian!fantastic compared to the rest of the cast! Honest.), is.. cringe-worthy doesn't do it justice. It's just..head-hand-splat all over the place, and the 'fighting' is downright ridiculous, but it's just so funny, and horrible, and I've always found Rita Repulsa inexplicably comforting.

Also, Adam! He doesn't do anything! Ever. he just..seems to watch the rest of the cast and mimic their facial expressions! Or sprain things in the attempt! It's brilliant! 'What is it?'.. is possibly the best line the whole film has to offer, and I cannot begin to explain WHY, but it's just magnificent.

..And I have no idea how I can possibly really defend this movie, because beyond the awful? I love it. Inexplicably. I know it's terrible, and the soundtrack (while AWESOME) is cheesy, and I'm relatively sure I've never before confessed a non-smirktastic affection for it before, but.. it.. C'MON. Goldar is blue-winged awesome. And Bulk & Skull are obnoxious but funny.

It is well known I love this movie, despite my refusal to own it (I literally can't bring myself to even order it online, curse my cowardice), because uh, well, my cousin knows and it got out because we used to watch it obsessively and pretend to be power rangers in the back yard, so perhaps it doesn't count, but..uh.. the pretense of camp!love while to some degree true has long been a shameful mask for the genuine affection I feel. And fucking hell, I'm actually blushing and wincing at this admission. Agh. I sincerely hope nobody I actually know ever reads this.

Posted by: the hel at August 2, 2007 2:42 AM

I'm only going to say this once: High Spirits.

That's right, you know the one. Steven fucking Guttenberg.

Now, there are several reasons why High Spirits is righteously shameful and I'm more than happy to detail them.
1. Resplendent 80s casting of people who now rarely work: the aforementioned Guttenberg, Jennifer Tilly, Peter Gallagher, Beverly D'Angelo and Daryl Hannah

2. Resplendent casting of Peter O'Toole in the role of a ne're do well aristocratic type boozer. So I'm pretty sure there wasn't actually any acting involved.

3. Moldy skeletons climb out of walls

4. Steven does it with Daryl and she turns into a decomposed corpse version of her (ghost) self

5. Gallagher, a priest, is attacked by evil nun ghosts. EVIL NUN GHOSTS.

6. Gallagher is the most un-priest-like priest ever and is rightfully seduced by sex pot Tilly

I mean, really, I think those last two points would have been enough. But there's is so much more. You see, you might not be aware that High Spirits is an educational film. Oh yes. Here is a list of things that I, as an nine year old, learned about while watching High Spirits. (There were several subsequent viewings. In fact, I'd been watching it right now if I could).

1. There is some bird called Mary that apparently people pray to. This needs a note. See, I grew up in a family and in a neighbourhood so unattached to religious matters that I didn't learn of the concept of the Virgin Mary until watching High Spirits. I asked my parents once if they'd ever been to church and they looked at each other awkwardly and Mum said "Ah well. No. But your grandparents were married in one, I believe".

2. Ireland is rainy and damp and green and there are ghosts and castles and it's the coolest country ever. And when I left my happy irreligious home in Australia to travel Europe, the first place I went was Ireland. And all of those things were true.

3. Sex

4. Priest sex

5. Ghost/Corpse Sex

6. Vallium

7. Lady Godiva

8. Banshees

9. The Big Bopper

So basically what I'm saying is that with all the education that it can provide for the young in Catholicism, Geography, History, Sex Ed and Drug Ed, HIGH SPIRITS SHOULD BE ON THE SCHOOL SYLLABUS.

Posted by: Rebecca H. at August 2, 2007 2:46 AM

I kept waiting for it to appear, but I guess no one shares my love of "Jawbreaker". It's 26 year old Rose McGowan playing a high school alpha female, "accidentally" murdering her popular friend Liz and covering it up by seducing Marilyn Manson (ok, a sleezy character played by Marilyn Manson, but still) and having sex with him with Liz's corpse lying under the bed. Pam Grier plays the detective who ultimately never finds out what really happened because Rose gets what's coming to her at the prom. When everyone realizes she killed Liz. So they boo and throw corsages at her. And then someone snaps a picture of her mascara-streaked face. Obviously, justice is served.

And Judy Greer's transformation from wallflower to Liz's replacement defies all logic. She gets a makeover, and suddenly she's a NEW STUDENT. None of her teachers realize this, let alone her classmates.

I spent a fair amount of this movie asking myself "where are their parents?!?"

I had the VHS and the soundtrack; alas, both were taken when my apartment was broken into.

The absence of "Jawbreaker" from this list made me give up my lurker status.

Posted by: Lotophagus at August 2, 2007 3:10 AM

Ok, so there are a couple of guilty pleasures for me for sure...I'll save the best for last, but my first two I will have to say are the two live-action Mortal Kombat films...I know they're not great movies...or good movies...but I can't help but love them, they bring back memories from my childhood I just can't rid myself of. But the one that most people would probably scoff at if they even knew what it was is...

The Clue VCR-Mystery Game video. Yes, that's right, the actual video that came with the Clue VCR-Mystery Game. I love it more than anything in the world. The cheesy acting, the awful lighting, the absense of story....it's my favorite guilty pleasure by far, and if anybody knows what I'm talking about, you can concur it's prety ridiculous.

Posted by: Chase at August 2, 2007 3:15 AM

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

This movie is ecstasy for me. I think it's because I have arrested development and still secretly feel giddy like a child when I watch it. But who can resist that creepy creepy child catcher? When I watch it I think he's going to get me, then I have to remind myself I'm a freaking 20 yr-old ADULT now, he wouldn't come after me anymore.
All the musical scenes in this movie, any sane adult would find boring as hell, are endlessly entertaining for me.

The scene where the leading lady, "Truly Delicious", dresses up as a doll in a ballerina box, and has to stand completely still so the king doesn't know she's there, is so COOL. I mean, she really looked like a doll there, and she stood still, it was so suspenseful!
And the scene with all the imprisoned children underground...Dick Van Dyke sings them a loving song, while their big eyes stare from all directions...it fills me with a sense of wonder. Why this children's movie should fill me with wonder and adventure, rather than say...any action, adventure or scifi flick for ADULTS out there, I can't say....

but damn I really really love this movie. I would own it, and keep it hidden, but I can't bring myself to buy it. And it worries me a bit because I identify with the children in this movie, yet I am NOT one. :-/

Don't get the wrong impression though, the rest of my taste in movies is sophisticated, I just have a weak spot for this and Oliver! the musical.

Posted by: poppy at August 2, 2007 3:17 AM

I echo the love for Jawbreaker. It is a sh*tty offensive film, but I really do love it.

Posted by: poppy at August 2, 2007 3:22 AM

Dude has to be truly pretentious to come up with A Prairie Home Companion (pretty decent, nostalgic film, if not good) and MI:3 (considered by many the best one and a good action flick) as his "guilty pleasures", dontcha think? I mean, he's got a taste so elevated that...

As for the Team Pajiba selection, everything there seems to be really junky, congratulations. I'd object to Elmopalooza, which I haven't seen, but looks like a homage of sorts in the spirit of Sesame Street itself. Isn't it so? Should it be such a shame? Well, those guests say more than the movie, actually. I'll trust you on that.

Now, for me, dunno. I have to say I liked Independence Day when I saw it on the big screen in the right mood, I guess. Saw it again a few times on TV, it sucks bad, but the memory lingered on. Maybe there's some useless theory in this: maybe you can't say when a film is or is not a "guilty pleasure", but you can define the opposite, when you come to like something improbable when in the proper mood. Something to do with "symbolic interactionism", academic masturbation, I'm sure...

I own the DVDs for The Matrix Revolutions (for mere completism), Garden State (even if acknowledging its many flaws, I'm not sure it should be a guilty pleasure), Hypercube (well, now we're talkin) and Eurotrip (come on, funny as hell and slightly offbeat). I've also seen Road Trip and the first half of that Mel Gibson one (What Women Want or so) dozens of times. Grew tired of them, but nonetheless...

Posted by: Gargumma at August 2, 2007 3:45 AM

I think I've got the trump card here, y'all.

Taxi, with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah.

This is a movie that I would have paid to see in theatres, if not for the fact that my college gave a free preview of it. It's a movie that I watch whenever it comes on cable. And my main reason for loving it is that I'm a fucking sucker for Jimmy Fallon. His bad movies pain me a bit, because I know he's funnier than that, and I've seen it, but he isn't doing a good job of proving me right. And that's why I still love his worst movies.

I love that his character in the movie is a complete and utter loser. I love that he can't drive unless he's singing in a high-pitched voice to relax himself. I love that he lives right across the hall from his mom, and borrows her Daewoo. And I love that he doesn't end up with the girl, because he doesn't deserve her since he's such a goddamn dorkass.

But assuming that you aren't in love with Jimmy Fallon, the movie still has things to recommend it to you. There's Queen Latifah, who is always likeable in any of the shit she ends up acting in. She's a big girl, but she's got a hot boyfriend and a hot car and she pretty much owns the movie.

But what makes the movie for me? Ann-Margret as Jimmy Fallon's drunk mom. It's the best performance of the movie, and is probably better than the movie deserves, really.

And if you're still not convinced? Well, I believe that this is the movie that Jimmy gave up his role in Shopgirl to film. Did you really want to see Jimmy Fallon in Shopgirl?

Posted by: Megs at August 2, 2007 4:27 AM

Someone mentioned this WAY above:
"The Worst Witch"

I freaking LOVED that movie!! Ms. G from the Facts of Life was in it!! Tim Curry! I would KILL to see that movie now and I'm really upset that HBO doesn't show it any more. Thanks for bringing up a great memory.

Posted by: Sharon at August 2, 2007 4:46 AM

My own personal shame list:
1) Fast Forward - it's a terrible 80's dance movie. 8 kids from Sandusky, OH are in a dance group and they run away to NYC for the Shoot Out talent competition. It's been delayed, they rent a 1 bedroom apartment and start dancing in the street to make money. They're challenged by a "real" dance group, one with street cred, and realize that all of their moves are lame. They learn new ones. There is a capitalist fuckwad villian. It is awesome.

2) Stick It - from the makers of Bring it On, only about gymnastics. I love it, god help me, I do. Wei Wei does a new balance beam routine and kicks ass. I mean she does a fucking head spin on the balance beam and I get a little teary eyed every time.

3) Someone already mentioned Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, but it merits another nod. I mean, come on! Dance competition, evil rich bitch, Helen Hunt as the best friend, and SJP with the kind of blonde highlights that look kind of gray. And a wee little Shannen Doherty. FANTASTIC! Did I forget to mention the unsupportive, military father?

Posted by: Sharon at August 2, 2007 4:53 AM

Contact.
I don't expect to win this by any stretch, cause MAN there are some crimes on this list, but I watch it at least once a month and haven't ever felt ripped off by the ending. *gasp*
I mean, apart from The Polar Express, there aren't many Zemekis movies I would kick out of bed for eating crackers. But I genuinely feel the magic of Contact. And I hate Close Encounters. Which makes me the worst kind of jackass, one supposes.
I do find it embarrassing to admit to; if I ever have (quietly) the usual response is a disgusted look.
There's a lot of things wrong with it - the baked ham that is John Hurt, the jarring compass macguffin introduction, Jake Busey's wig, Matthew McConaughey...
But they're also the reasons I love it.
And who can resist a virtual cameo from Rob Lowe as a Richard Rank, smirking through a character that would consider Sam Seaborn his nemesis?
I know there are others who share my secret shame (7/10 imdb score, 65% RT) but where are they? Are they still burning from the thorough ribbing Trey and Matt dished out to Contact all those years ago?

Posted by: slightlyfey at August 2, 2007 4:58 AM

Death to Smoochy

I had thing for Edward Norton. A big, bad thing. The reviews were horrible. Norton himself disavowed the flick, protesting that he was forced by studio contract he signed whilst he was starving and naive. I didn't care. I had to bribe a buddy of mine --ticket, snacks, AND parking were all on me-- to accompany me. We were the only two in the theater on opening night .

The movie was frakkin hilarious! I mean, 40-year-old Virgin/Knocked Up hilarious. Where in other films Robin Williams' ADD act is cringe worthy, here, it actually works . I'd work harder to convince you, but it's 3 am here and my eyelids are getting heavy...

Posted by: ciji at August 2, 2007 5:00 AM

Judge Dredd.

"I am the law"

I'll leave now, sorry for the inconvenience

Posted by: doogs at August 2, 2007 5:05 AM

I have to keep commenting as I read because I'm so happy to see some of these movies.

I saw Freaked YEARS ago on accident. My g/f and I couldn't stop watching it because we weren't sure if it was real or not.
Nothing better than Rastafar-eye:
Look at me bullet holes . . . ja man.
We still say that to each other. That, and in the worm's voice "Pardon me, but could you wipe my ass?"
Oh christ, that is just too good. PLUS, Brooke Shields is in it with hideous prosthetic feet. And Kristy Swanson. And the guy that played Anthony Russo on Blossom. And Alex Winter (Bill or Ted, I don't remember who was who). THIS MOVIE IS GREAT!!

Posted by: Sharon at August 2, 2007 5:11 AM

Oh come on, people.
How about:
One Tough Bastard?
Dead Or Alive (YES, that godawful video game movie)?
Eating Raoul?

Posted by: Ed at August 2, 2007 5:15 AM

"The Chase" Charlie Sheen, Kristy Swanson and Henry Rolins as a cop in a reality show.

And a cameo from Anthony Kiedis and Flea.

What can I say, I just love car chases.

Posted by: doogs at August 2, 2007 5:16 AM

NIGHTBREED!! Oh god, I used to obsessively watch that movie. Not only is Craig Schaeffer (sp?) great eye candy, it was a cool fucking movie and it scared me when I was 10. I used to have a quote from it written across my notebook: "God is an astronaut. Oz is over the rainbow. And Mideon is where the monsters live."
Ohhhh, Nightbreed. Plus, they had a weird naked porcupine chick. That's just cool.

Posted by: Sharon at August 2, 2007 5:32 AM

Seriously, no one's going to fess up to Gleaming the Cube? Am I the only one? Crime, Christian Slater with blonde hair, and skateboarding.

While I'm on Christian Slater, I have a massive thing for The Legend of Billie Jean. I was a terror as a 6 year old running around with my arms up screaming "fair is fair!!!"

I've also seen Babycakes on here. Again, with the Craig Schaeffer love. Fat girl gets the ultra cute boy, there is nothing bad there. God, I need to start writing a list and renting some movies.

Posted by: Sharon at August 2, 2007 5:51 AM

Re: Death To Smoochy. Convenient how every shitty film Ed Norton stars in was a 'contractual obligation'. The Italian Job was one as well.

I believe Klostermann - or, more accurately, a friend of KLostermann's - defined a guilty pleasure as "something I pretend to like ironically, but is actually something I really just like." To that end, my guiltiest pleasure may well be Universal Soldier. I may pretend that's nostalgia talking - it was a big fave for me and my friends as kids - but I watched it again at the weekend, and I simply just enjoy the shit out of it.

Posted by: Craig at August 2, 2007 6:08 AM

Airheads-Brendan Fraser, Steve Buscemi, and Adam Sandler as rockers Chazz, Rex, and Pip who hold a radio station hostage (with water guns) until their band's (The Lone Rangers)demo is played! But it can't be played because one of their exgirlfriends has the tape, and of course, one can never reason with exes. Even when people's lives are at stake! How horrible and awesome is that?

To those who mentioned their love for Juwanna Mann, I am with you. I can't stop watching it when it comes out on TV. I can't explain why I love watching it. I can't bring myself to buy the DVD because I know someone would laugh at me and make me cry. I suffer for that movie. I really do.

Schwarzenegger- I do not like this man. I am not a fan of his acting, or anything. But I have watched so many of his movies in theaters, some more than once. Among them: Jingle All The Way, Kindergarten Cop, Junior, Terminator 3, Total Recall, and yes, Last Action Hero. Why? I don't know. I can't help blaming myself for making him rich and famous and thus, the fucking governor of my state. It's all my fault.

By now we can all agree that Spice World is mainstream pleasure. I know it got bad reviews but I have not met one person who didn't like it.

And you should never feel ashamed for Orgazmo. It is brilliant. "Choda Boy! And Choda Dog!" And "I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!"

Posted by: jazzyzoid at August 2, 2007 6:27 AM

I would love to win a T-shirt,but I'm just not ashamed of any films I enjoy (I've enjoyed most of the films that have been mentioned so far). I also don't feel bad for disliking a lot of films I'm SUPPOSED to like. (sorry I don't know how to do italics)

I'm actually too scared to mention any of the films that other people might think I ought to be ashamed of because I don't want to hurt the films feelings...

Posted by: Sarah at August 2, 2007 6:45 AM

Van Helsing. I own it, I've seen it more than a few times, and it is very well hidden when visitors arrive. It reveals glorious new levels of awful with each viewing, and has sparked great conversations (mostly beginning "What the...?"). I love that movie.

Posted by: taylor at August 2, 2007 7:26 AM

All I'm gonna say is, in Hocus Pocus, Sarah Jessica looked very attractive.
Other than that, it was a fun movie, but it gets on my nerves if I watch it too often. I do, however, think any young girl should see it at least once. It's worth it :)

Posted by: AD at August 2, 2007 7:26 AM

I also second Jawbreaker. That scene where Rose makes the Jock get suck the really phallic popsicle is just hilarious. Also "She's so evil. And she's only in highschool?" And did that guy really give Fern Mayo a car for making out with him? Come on.

Also, its probably already been mentioned, but I must have missed it. I love love love the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. Luke Perry. And PeeWee Herman as a vampire with one arm. I love it when Buffy tells him to clap. Awesome Awesome Awesome.

Oh and Jersey Girl. Not the Kevin Smith one, the one with Jamie Gertz in all her 80's glory.

This is the best list ever. Thanks guys.

Posted by: cmoody at August 2, 2007 7:45 AM

wow, speaking of john mctiernan follies, what about the 13th Warrior? Loved that fucking flick. Antonio Banderas and a bunch of Vikings battle bear people. I think that pretty much defends itself. Hilarious accents ensue.

Posted by: colin at August 2, 2007 7:46 AM

Only the Strong: Yes people, every time you watch Brotherhood of the Wolf and marvel at that kick ass Native American Mani and his crazy Indian-Ninja style, you wonder, "Where the hell have I seen that guy before?" Or maybe you're sitting at home at night watching Iron Chef America, cursing that steamy hot pocket as it burns the roof of your mouth, and wishing that you could be the Chairman. And then it dawns on you, "Hey, I know that guy from something!" Well, fret no longer my fellow observers of pop, for I have the answer;

ONLY THE FRIGGIN' STRONG!

Okay, first of all, let's just pause and appreciate the fact that almost every conceivable martial art has been the vehicle for an action film. From strip mall Tae Kwon Do and Aikido, to some of the most esoteric Chinese styles. Hell, they even have movies about Parkour now. But only once in the history of the action movie has anyone had the balls to make a movie about Capoiera.

The story is of course ludicrous, although Michele Pfeifer would get a nod from the Oscars for the same story in Dangerous Minds, only she didn't kick anybody's ass with Brazilian slave dancing, she just cast steely glares.

A rough inner city school needs to be whipped into shape, and returning army hero Louis Stevens (played by Marc Dacascos, whose name I'm still not sure how to pronounce) finds himself the most likely candidate. So he gets the kids involved in Capoiera, thinking that they'll totally dig it because, well, they're "urban," and Capoiera is the progenitor of break-dancing, and "urban" kids like break-dancing, right? So he starts teaching them some moves, but all of that is thwarted of course by the local ganglord, who has his own army of thuggish youths and n'erdowells, intent on breaking Louis's balls. After this, the movie devolves into a rehash reminiscent of Berry Gordy's the Last Dragon, in which the kids just try not to look too stupid in front of the camera while the two masters duke it out. With dancing. With dancing that is kung fu. Badass!

So not only does Only the Strong stand up as one of the most overlooked martial arts films of all time, it's also one of the most overlooked dance films of all time. You can have Crouching Tiger and Dirty Dancing, I'll keep my Only the Strong.

And by the way, if you've been wondering where you've heard that damn Mazda song before? Yep, you guessed it.

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

Red Beard

Posted by: Brett Williams at August 2, 2007 8:27 AM

I have ever so many (which is why it took so long to post), but I've boiled it down to one truly craptacular film that I just cannot take my eyes off of.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the film that almost killed a nationwide phenomenon before it even had a chance to move up from summer filler to blockbuster on network television, I present to you:

From Justin to Kelly.

Here's why I love this film:

1) Anika Noni Rose (in retrospect) is the only actor who has survived this film, and she went from playing 2-D sassy black chick stereotype (complete with MMmhh-hhhh, snaps, and head bobs) to Tony Award winning actress for an equal bizarre musical: Caroline, or Change, to outsinging Grammy Award Winner Beyonce and Academy Award Winner Jennifer Hudson at the Oscars telecast, to beating out Hollywood's best and brightest black actresses (and Tyra Banks) for the much coveted role as the first black Disney princess. Her role doesn't give her a lot to do, but she is miles ahead of everyone in this film and seemed to miss the memo that it was a total crapfest.

2. The villain: Katherine Bailess, as Alexa, is such a campy, over the top, bitchy southern belle that you can't help but root for her to win in the end. With such classic quips as "She's one bonnet away from Amish", how can you not secretly love this film for pure awfulness?

3. Text Messaging: This film was ahead of the curve, people. Only now is Hollywood finally starting to embrace that those crazy kids are tap tap tapping away with their fingers on the keypad instead of hitting and/or stalking each other in person. How do Kelly and Justin try to communicate in the film? Text messaging. That's revolutionary.

4. The skirt of many ties. Dear sweet Jesus, it hurts the eyes, but it's so awful it's actually great. Combined with a day-for-night shoot and awful goth make-up on Kelly Clarkson and you have pure movie magic. And by magic, I mean cheesey goodness. (Linked under name for VA).

5. Some actually good songs. And by some, I mean 1. And by one, I mean Wish Upon a Star. So help me, it could have been taken right off the Top 40 when the film was released, and in a good way. The choreography was great, the camerawork was engaging, and the performance by Katherine Bailess was wonderful. The only actual good scene in the entire film.

6. Justin Guarini's hair: sure, his career went nowhere, which kind of happens when you run over people with a hovercraft at the beach and try to flee the scene (true story), but that hair was pure magic. It's also working for current So You Think You Can Dance contestant Sabra (Johnson?). You kind of want to just jump in the film and play with it.

And the number 7 reason:

7. Overcast days at the beach. Oh crappy digital editing, how I love you so. From awful Sci-Fi original movies to, well, J2K, it never fails to make me laugh. Just look at all the lovely beach scenes, shot in February, that were completely overcast, so the director just painted the sky blue. Of course, that doesn't explain the total lack of sun, shadows on the entire cast, and dancers coming down with hypothermia right before our eyes, but A for effort.

So there you have it. Why I love J2K. And I'm serious. It's so abysmal it's actually entertaining in a Sandra Lee/Semi-Homemade Cooking kind of way.

Posted by: Robert at August 2, 2007 8:55 AM

First, let me apologize if anyone has posted this....I tried to read everyone's but I'm sneaking at work...you get the idea. I had to give up halfway down.

Not sure why, I wish I could explain my attraction to this horrible 80's relic. (big sigh) Earth Girls Are Easy.

"Just because they're aliens doesn't mean they can't be dates." The Blonde Song! And the actors that would be so well known later on! Michael McKean! Have I used enough exclamation points yet?

Two words explains the fascination with this movie. Jeff Goldblum. When he steps forth from the doorway (shirtless, no less!) as a human, I still get happy in my pants. TMI?

Posted by: Jessi1974 at August 2, 2007 9:13 AM

Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Or whatever.

Yeah. I said it. Yeah. I know. I'm SO going to the special hell.

I was first introduced to this movie by my good friend who gets 90% of her identity from being a down home, girl next door, Gretchen Wilson singing redneck. (It boggles the minds of my other friends that she and I are as close as we are, but that's a side issue) Anyway, because I was born and raised in the South I've had a pretty consistent exposure to ALL the stereotypes, and I'm here to tell you they're stereotypes for a REASON. But yeah, she shoved the movie at me, demanded I watch it and even said with a straight face that she thought Larry was kinda cute in the movie, sweet, and dare she say sexy.

Oh, I laughed. A lot.

But then, about forty five minutes into the train wreck...I STARTED TO AGREE WITH HER. I was shocked. I was frightened. I considered calling one of those hotlines.

But then I realized his character was actually a kindof endearing guy who means well, even if he is a dumb-shit--see how he treats his "slow" neighbor Donnie. And I'm not gonna lie, I kinda tear up when he thinks he's lost his girlfriend. And there are some really hilarious lines in there for those of us who understand redneck humor ("Good lord Jesus and Dale Ernhardt Jr.") and I'm willing to put my liberal, feminist, pc hangups on hold for a while to watch a "Feel Good" stupid, stereotypical, makes-anyone-with-a-Southern-drawl-look-moronic-and-inbred comedy that's probably the only thing worse than Deuce Bigilo Two.

I bow my head in shame.

Posted by: Scarlett at August 2, 2007 9:15 AM

As I said earlier, once I got home to view my DVD collection I knew I had one more entry. Bounce. Yes, the Gwyneth and Ben Affleck movie that they made while they were dating. It is an overwrought love story (sorta) about a man(Affleck) who gives his seat on a plane to another man (Gwyneth's husband) so that he can go have a one night stand. The plane crashes and he decides to see how the newly widowed Gwynnie is doing. After some borderline stalker behavior, he tracks her down and falls in love with her. I will guess that 98% of Pajiba readership should be able to finish out the plotline.

There is absolutely no redeeming qualities for this movie. I have no defense for watching it at least 10 times. Ben and Gwyn have the chemistry of a pair of rocks. This is damned near the motherload of bad, sappy, overblown chick flicks and an excellent primer in audience manipulation. The only reason I can come up for owning this was my adoration of Ben Affleck at that point. He was directly responsible for me watching several bad movies during those years.

I think I am going to go back into the hall of shame corner for this movie.

Posted by: Melody at August 2, 2007 9:47 AM

I feel like I'm in AA - I'm 31 and I love HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. There, I am not ashamed!

Posted by: oddybobo at August 2, 2007 9:54 AM

Let me end all discussion right here..

The movie, "Footloose."

Do people like it, yes. So that might disqualify it as a guilty pleasure, but I am of the belief that it is simply the greatest movie of all time.

(allow me to point out I am a 30-year old married father who is a sports junkie, thus my choice of such a flick as my favorite is only amplified)

Where to begin? Reverand Shaw Moore, merely John Lithgow's greatest performance of all time..

Chris Penn, may he rest in peace, just on another level.

Bacon, well what's need to be said about that? I mean, no one has ever captured the feeling of being a teenager in an unwelcome place where people can't and won't understand the way you feel and try as you might you just can't take it sometimes and you do the only thing you can think of to let off some steam.. you dance by yourself in an old warehouse whilst performing random gymnastic maneuvers.

What else, .. the greatest chicken race with tractors ever committed to the silver sceen; a town so close minded that they burn books yet have an active mens gymnastics team; Chuck, the evil ex-boyfriend who takes it to a whole new level not seen in 80's movie by literally beating the shit out of Lori Singer's Ariel; Sara Jessica Parker appearing as Sara Jessica Parker aka Dusty, someone completley out of place in the small country town of Beaumont.

How about the fact that they never once in the movie say where Beaumont is? It was filmed in utah, hence the snowcapped mountains, and Willard says he has a cousin in Kansas, and Ren comes from Chicago, and there is a Beaumont, Texas, but the movie literally takes place in a mythical, magical place.

I could go on and on, but the point is, Footloose is not just a guilty pleasure, I freely admit my love for it to anyone whom asks, but it is simply the greatest movie ever made!

Posted by: Steve at August 2, 2007 9:54 AM

I am a film student. Yes--I am one of those people who's favorite films comes from the time of the French New Wave. I am a Godard fanatic, and I love Citizen Kane---but guilty pleasure is the movie FRIED GREEN TOMATOES.

Growing up, I always caught sections of it on TBS, rejoying at the cry of "TAWANDA!" along with Kathy Bates. SHE WRAPS HERSELF UP IN CERAN WRAP IN THIS MOVIE TO GET HER HUSBAND TO HAVE SEX WITH HER.

And Mary Louise Parker as the fatally ill best friend who's son is almost killed but actually lost his arm. AND THE OLD LADY. I CAN'T HELP CRYING WHEN KATHY BATES THINKS THE OLD LADY IS DEAD BUT SHE WAS ACTUALLY VISITING AT THE NOW RUNDOWN WHISTLESTOP CAFE!!!!!

The nostalgic overtone of the movie, whose "who-done-it" story is primarily shown in flashback is admittingly cheesy...but I can't get enough of it.

Posted by: Rachel at August 2, 2007 9:55 AM

Let me end all discussion right here..

The movie, "Footloose."

Do people like it, yes. So that might disqualify it as a guilty pleasure, but I am of the belief that it is simply the greatest movie of all time.

(allow me to point out I am a 30-year old married father who is a sports junkie, thus my choice of such a flick as my favorite is only amplified)

Where to begin? Reverand Shaw Moore, merely John Lithgow's greatest performance of all time..

Chris Penn, may he rest in peace, just on another level.

I could go on and on, but the point is, Footloose is not just a guilty pleasure, I freely admit my love for it to anyone whom asks, but it is simply the greatest movie ever made!

Posted by: Steve at August 2, 2007 9:55 AM

A lot of you have already mentioned several of mine: Overboard, Xanadu, Demolition Man, et al. However, no one mentioned

1. Switch with Ellen Barkin. Dreadful cheese, but Barkin is so good in her bad role that it's mesmerizing.

2. The Day after Tomorrow

3. Love at First Bite, 1979. Can't BELIEVE no one mentioned this. It's a forgotten gem, and I enjoy it every time I watch it.

Posted by: llism at August 2, 2007 9:59 AM

Dude Where's My Car and Road Trip. I make fun of people who watch these types of movies, but if I turn on the tv and one of these two is on, I'm watching it. As in, not even channel flipping to see if something better is on.

Posted by: BethS at August 2, 2007 10:06 AM

Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter

It's cheesy and low-budget doesn't even begin to describe this. But there is a musical number, bad science, Mexican wrestlers, lesbian vampires, and a talking bowl of ice-cream which is meant to be God. Classic and useful just to see the looks on people's faces when you show it to them.

Posted by: Christin at August 2, 2007 10:13 AM

1)From Dusk Til Dawn
2)Slackers starring devon sawa
3)Back to School
4)the Rock of Love--it;s mesmerizing.

Posted by: catherine at August 2, 2007 10:15 AM

No way does Footloose count as a guilty pleasure - it's one of the cornerstones of modern cinema. A morality tale for our times - and what problem can't be solved by bringing a little dance into our lives? None that I can think of and that's for damn sure.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at August 2, 2007 10:41 AM

Back in the 80s, Berry Gordy (the mastermind/founder/head of Motown) decided to expand his genius into the film world. His basic premise was simple: young student of martial arts partakes in a quest to search for the one TRUE martial arts master. It's been used in countless martial arts film, but Mr. Gordy had some tricks up his sleeve. First, our hero would remind everyone of Thriller-era Michael Jackson. His chief rival, the head of another martial arts school, would be the spitting image of Bootsy Collins from Parliament/Funkadelic. His love interest is none other than former Prince ingenue Vanity. Throw in references to and clones of Soul Train, 80s pop, and evil record company owners, and add a dash of bargain basement special effects, and what do you have?

Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon. The kung fu-ingest, breakdancingest, P-Funkingest, most brilliant piece of action cinema that ever melded chop-socky cinema with Motown sensibilities to make a statement about the state of music at that time. I defy you not to marvel at the Lauper-esque "Test Drive". Tremble before the rage and might of Sho-Nuff, whose desire to be acknowledged at the city's greatest kung fu "MASTAH" leads to a downfall of Shakespearean proportions (for who is Sho-Nuff, really, but Richard III with martial arts training?). And watch in awe as our hero, Leroy, journeys from manchild to manhood, discovering (as we all do) that the one TRUE master is inside us all! By the closing credits, there is no doubt in any viewer's mind that Leroy is now the master and will no doubt be taught "the moves".

Smaller, less-enlightened minds shun this piece of cinema, dismissing it as "stupid", "dumb", "ridiculous", and "just plain bad", among other criticisms. But true fans of film know that Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon is a brilliant, uplifting film with something to say to anyone willing to listen. So we refer to it as a "guilty pleasure" to appease the masses, knowing that one viewing will surely awaken them the way that Leroy himself is awakened.

Posted by: David at August 2, 2007 10:42 AM

Wow, I only read about half the comments so far, and I agree with so many, but man, WHAT is up with all the love for SB4SB? I detest that movie, and I love musicals! Anyway, ups to megbon & just me for the mention of "Money Pit"--the laugh gets me everytime; and to Courtney for "Bachelor Party" - "a little vino would be keen-o!" Also to everyone who mentioned "The Cutting Edge"--I practically have to peel my bf off the TV when that is on--he is VERY hot for Moira Kelly. Ms. Parker-"Red Dawn' used to make me want to go out and hurt people.... Laura P--"Reign of Fire" gives you Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey and and my current obsession, Gerard Butler--what's not to love? Nate, I share the Hugh Grant fixation. Perl, I just say MULTIPASS!!! Love that movie! For those who don't understand the "Fifth Element" love, I point you here.....http://www.doubleviking.com/real-men-love-the-fifth-element-6198-p.htmlSo, I share in the shame of my fellow Pajibans.

As for me, some of my big ones are:
1) Real Genius/Top Secret
Who knew Val Kilmer would grow up to take himself so seriously? These movies are comic gems. He was cute and funny, and apparently smart. Enjoy with an appropriate cold beverage and the nerd girl/guy of your choice. You won't regret it.
2) Better Off Dead
Cusack, "Booger," David Odgen Stiers, Kim Darby, rollerskates, skiing...this movie has it all. I know a family who watches this every year at Christmas--it's their tradition. My kids follow me around saying, "I WANT MY $2!!!"
and, finally,
3) Crazy Moon
This may just be one for me. This movie reminds me of a friend of mine. It stars the adorable young Keifer Sutherland, before Jack Bauer took him over. He is stuck in a '40's kind of groove, in the 80's. He is cute, odd, rich and sweet. Just a real feel-good kind of movie.
Oh, and going mainstream, "Forrest Gump." One guy out there knows why....*sigh* like peas and carrots....

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 2, 2007 10:59 AM

While certain movies (Bring It On) or TV shows (Beauty and the Geek marathons on VH1 on Sunday mornings (I lost 5 hours to that once)) have the appropriate quality that some of the posters here touched on - they manage to find you and trap you everytime they're on cable (Bring it On was once on repeat one afternoon - 6 hours straight) there is one I feel guily becuase I relaized I hadn't seen it in a long time and I felt sad. That movie is....

DICK TRACY
Beatty
Madonna
Pacino - absolutely mugging the screen
Briiiiiight suits
Silly gadgets
Tommy Gunns spitting bulletts
Bad guys named Flattop, 88 Keys and The Brow
A comic stip movie - not a book - just 3 boxes from your morning paper

Wow!! And I would watch it now - work be damned

Posted by: Brian at August 2, 2007 11:26 AM

*Or even worse, The Wraith. Early charlie sheen baby. Wow. I just embarassed myself writing that . . .*
I totally forgot about the Wraith. That movie rocks!! Charlie is hot, even dead!!! Thats a great turn-off-your-brain and enjoy movie.

And, poppy, its "Truly Scrumptious." Yes, I know that name. And, the Child Catcher scared the bejeezus out of me! I knew a woman who looked like that and couldn't stand to be around her! "You're my little Chu-Chi Face!"

Also, agree with Love at First Bite. Freakin' hilarious. Along the same line, Once Bitten. Jim Carrey was not too over the top, and was cute!

For classic movie lovers, "Yankee Doodle Dandy." I watch it every year on the 4th of July. I know its mostly crap, but its really fun, entertaining crap, and when his dad dies and he says, 'My Mother thanks you, my Father thanks you, my sister thanks you and I thank you," I sob every time....

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 2, 2007 11:26 AM

Ever After.

OK, so Drew Barrymore's accent was annoying and all the historical inaccuracies were pointed out at great length by my history major best friend, but I still love that movie. As a feminist torn between secretly wanting to be a fairy tales princess and the complete misogynistic undertones of most fairy tales, I found comfort in a character that has SOME life and verve to her. I *loved* it when Daniella escaped from her captor all on her own. She didn't need a man to rescue her, just to support her.

Posted by: Izzie at August 2, 2007 11:32 AM

I don't care that this one has already been said; I don't think anyone went into nearly enough detail about just how awesome but conflicted "The Sweetest Thing" is. It is not only a ridiculously girly movie, but a severely and openly stupid one. Its entire hook is supposedly trying to do a female fronted gross-out comedy, which effectively repelled 98% of the moviegoing public and yet it cracks me up every time.

We get classic scenes like Selma Blair, who my one friend actually for serious thought was cognitively disabled based on this performance, screwing a guy in a big purple elephant suit. Selma Blair getting a guy stuck in her mouth during oral sex and being told to sing in order to relax her throat muscles; she chooses "I don't wanna miss a thing" by Aerosmith. Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate stripping on the side of the highway in soaked granny panties while singing the Pina Colada song.

That should be enough for you right there, because, really, how awesome is Christina Applegate? But there's more. See, I own the director's cut DVD. Unrated edition. Which features the jawdropping scene in which the Selma, Christina, and Cameron are out to lunch and improvise a musical number about penis size which quickly escalates into somewhat of an amateurish, low-key production number. Everyone else at the restaurant joins in, causing Applegate to say something along the lines of "Oh my God, is this 'Fame'? We're in 'Fame' right now."

It's breathtaking. I keep my copy of this DVD hidden in a storage bin under my bed, far from my actual displayed DVD shelf.

Posted by: Dave at August 2, 2007 11:37 AM

And has no one mentioned The Blue Lagoon? I don't think that even has to be explained.

Posted by: poppy at August 2, 2007 11:55 AM

omg Clifford! How could I forget about that one? My favorite part is when he pretends to be deaf. Man, my queue is going to be full of shit after reading through this list, and will totally fuck up my recommendations.

Posted by: Katie at August 2, 2007 12:00 PM

Junior - A pregnant Arnold Schwarzenneger? Comedy gold!!!

And

1985's Fast Forward starring no one in particular about a scrappy group of kids in leotards who move to the big city to make it big in the dance world. The music video for the theme song is below. I suggest you watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFd5XcAYW3g

Posted by: KHA at August 2, 2007 12:01 PM

My guiltiest of pleasures (yeah, I admit it, they are plural) have all been mentioned (big ups to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers: I was even taught some of the original choreography by many of the original dancers in a Master Class at Julliard, o.k., full-on shame on display). Therefore, I was ready to cast my vote for David with his heart-felt ode to Berry Gordy's "The Last Dragon" (to which I was dragged by someone into whose pants I was trying to get [talk about what we will do for lust. But a successful seduction ploy so no harm, no foul]); however, Dave got me with his epic description of "The Sweetest Thing". I have not seen this craptacular cinematic event but now must hunt it down. Christina Applegate (who rocked--absolutely rocked in "Sweet Chairty" on B'way)! Carmen Diaz whom I abhor but would love to see in the musical number described. Selma Freakin' Blair! I must see this! Accordingly, I vote for Dave (and I have read every one of the comments).

Posted by: rudy at August 2, 2007 12:01 PM

Junior - A pregnant Arnold Schwarzenneger? Comedy gold!!!

And

1985's Fast Forward starring no one in particular about a scrappy group of kids in leotards who move to the big city to make it big in the dance world. The music video for the theme song is on youtube under the heading "Siedah Garrett - Do You Want It Right Now (1985)"

Posted by: KHA at August 2, 2007 12:02 PM

There are three movies, both from that late 80s early 90s time period where the bad movie genre came to its heady climax.

1) Beverly Hills Troop, starring Shelley Long (from Cheers) as the head of a troop of snotty, spoiled "Wilderness Girls"--a thinly veiled version of the Girl Scouts. It's awesome watching them try to earn patches or whatever they were trying to earn by 'roughing it' in a Beverly Hills hotel and making crafty dressracks, in between pedicures. I haven't seen this movie in far too long, but I think I remember it culminating in some sort of giant race through some sort of rocky, desert-like terrain against a group of comically hard core rival troops. Amazing.

2. Ruthless People-- Again, another one that it's been far, far too long since I've seen, but I know it stars Danny Devito and Bette Midler and that's enough. I want to be part of that marriage. Devito is a sleazy manufacturer, and he steals design ideas from this couple, so they kidnap his wife to try to extort him (Midler). He's thrilled that she's gone, and doesn't want to do anything to get them back. The couple is super meek and not at all threatening, but Bette Midler is absolutely out of her mind. There's no one scene that makes this movie perfect...it's just pure gold. Scenes of Bette Midler jazzercising in the couple's basement, I think at one point they 'interrogate' her while wearing duck bills, and hilarity involving the chief of police and a prostitute... Did I mention it starred Danny Devito and Bette Midler?

3. The last one, and the one I've seen by far the most times (at least 10) is Adventures in Babysitting starring Elizabeth Shue as the babysitter of this family whose parents go to some fancy night in New York. Her friend calls her crying from the city and needs help, so they end up having to drive to the 'big scary city' and get her. The car breaks down, they end up embroiled in some criminal drama, they have to escape through a wonderfully stereotypical backalley jazz club where Shue and the kids are forced to perform in order to be allowed to leave alive. Those kids put their hearts into that rendition of "Babysittin Blues". It's one of those movies that is absolutely impossible to tear yourself away from once you start. Also, the little girl is obsessed with a fictional character named Thor and is wearing a viking helmet through the ENTIRE movie. Perfection.

I think I have to call in sick to work today... I need to rewatch these movies immediately.

Posted by: Jan at August 2, 2007 12:09 PM

Tremors! Because its a story of friendship...and ginormous mutated earthworms.

And whenever I'm feeling down, there's only one thing to turn to - Crushing Unsubtle Stories of Female Empowerment! Whether its Ever After or Bend it Like Beckham or even 'Now and Then' after a long day of misery, those films and sufficient wine, cheer me right up.

Oh, and The Hills. As much as I should hate the girls, there's something addictive about all the astonishing bitchery and unsatisfying men and pretty clothes.

Posted by: Fionna at August 2, 2007 12:29 PM

Oh my god. I thought I'd dreamt that movie. The duck masks haunted my childhood. I can't believe it was real, I don't know if this validates my irrational fear of ducks or just makes me crazier.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at August 2, 2007 12:30 PM

Agree with previously mentioned...
St. Elmos Fire (teen dream)
Flash Gordon (duh)
The Net (fsm it's painful)

Others not mentioned...
Soapdish (it's like truth serum)
Cocktail (puh-lease!)
Can't Stop the Music (Village People people)
7 Faces of Dr. Lao (Randall & Eden!)

Posted by: Bub at August 2, 2007 12:32 PM

" Oh my god. I thought I'd dreamt that movie. The duck masks haunted my childhood. I can't believe it was real, I don't know if this validates my irrational fear of ducks or just makes me crazier. "

Alex!! You're not crazy. Those ducks still haunt me. Stay strong, brother. They can't get us anymore.

Posted by: Jan at August 2, 2007 12:34 PM

Yeah, whoever said that PHC and MI:III were his 'guilty pleasures', is a big, lying pretentious pansy lacking the cajones to talk about what he really likes. What's he like at dinner parties? 'I'm ashamed to admit that I'm a bigger fan of BLOW-UP than I am of PERSONA. I know that the two together form a dramaturgical dyad that...interplay...elements of texture...dialogue...nuns in shadows...', argh. You know what he probably has in his film collection? Nothing but National Lampoon (emphasis on the 'poon'), and straight-to-DVD prequels. Yeah, it's sophormoric to go straight for the 'he must like crap' shot, but have you ever met a person who is constantly covering the tracks of his true tastes with more highbrow fare? You know, the REAL guilty pleasure stuff? That comment strikes me as coming from that sort. Five years from now he's going to be hoping that no one finds out he's lobbying for the Criterion Edition of BRATZ: THE BEGINNING.

Who's the lucky one who gets to review that BRATZ film anyway? And how many comments about 'not letting my (insert female relative) watch this anti-feminist dross' and 'dressed like whores' comments do you predict? Oh hey, I'm sure it'll suck the paint off of the walls, I won't see it. But the righteous indignation must get tiring, huh? And this film seems to beg for it with a ball-gag in its mouth. That SHREK thread was unbearable after about three posts, if anyone read beyond that, you've got stronger eye-rolling centres than do I; my ocular orbs would've popped out of my head if I had gone farther.

As far a SB4SB goes, it seems to me like everyone here who likes it first saw it during childhood. There are a lot of attractive things in that film to a kid: crazy songs, bright colours, courtin', people throwing hammmers at each other, um, a barn-raising, people dancing with axes, long underwear, you know. I do believe it was voted as one of the top 25 musicals ever made though, so someone likes it. Although that person probably wasn't over the age of six the first time s/he saw it, because first-time viewers of this film who are adults don't like it.

Posted by: M at August 2, 2007 12:36 PM

God I shudder even knowing how much I love this crapfest, but mine is Airborne from 1993 -- one of those movies that seems to be on cable every fourth or fifth saturday afternoon and every time it is I cannot help myself, I watch the whole thing. And it's a goddamn grudge-era _rollerblading_ movie. The leaden acting, the ridiculous 'dating your rival's sister' plot, the completely artificial surfer-kid attitude from an actor (Shane McDermott) who seems more like a Boston wasp than a california punk and for whom rollerblading and surfing seem in the writer's mind to be sufficient stand-ins for, you know, an actual character with human qualities. And yet I have to love it: in believing (entirely incorrectly) that it has located those things about 1993 that we would remember and revere, it becomes a kind of time capsule of my sophomore year of high school -- the terrible clothing, the discomfort of anti-ideological aimlessness, and all the terrible music that made it onto film soundtracks but have disappeared (with good reason) from the musical canon of the era. Hell, the movie has an (ugh) original song performed by Jeremy Jordan. And let's not forget appearances by a young Jack Black and an even younger Seth Green -- a montage of him trying on different outfits is a tour de force of slightly outdated 80s film silliness. But the real treat is the rollerblading scenes -- and I'm not nor was I ever a skater kid by any stretch -- which manage to be wholly embarrassing and extremely exciting at the same time.

Posted by: Babytyrone at August 2, 2007 12:43 PM

"The 10th Kingdom"

I own it and watch it all the time. I can't help it. It's so horrible but I love it. You've got trolls (very badly acting trolls with Ed O'Neil as father troll), the wicked stepmother Diane Weist, and a wolf, wonderfully acted by Scott Cohen. There's Kissing Town, and a shepardess competition, the Lonley Mountain.... Ohhh, it's just so much fun.

Posted by: Agent Scully at August 2, 2007 12:45 PM

"Seven Minutes in Heaven" so lame....yet so good.

Posted by: k8uiuc at August 2, 2007 12:49 PM

*sigh* Here goes:

1. American Psycho...2: Yeah, you read that right. Okay, Mila Kunis? Has great hair in that movie, and honestly, if she didn't, you know, have that whole killing people issue, she would be a good role model for achieving goals. That is some serious focus. And they play cheese chase music during the chase scene that she is actually listening to on her radio! Plus, WILLIAM SHATNER is in it. As and FBI PROFILER. That alone makes it legendary bad. I watched it so much in college my roommate got a little creeped out. I told her it she was safe, we didn't have the same major.

2. Halloween...4: Yeah, shut it, I like sequels. Danielle Harris was awesome as the scared little girl, it had lots of Dr. Loomis in it and the end was...an ending. Yeah, it was cheesy and goofy, but I still watch when ever it comes on AMC.

Posted by: TWoP Fan at August 2, 2007 12:54 PM

Two of my most guilty pleasures (that, thank god, most of my friends have never seen/heard of so I can freely discuss my love for both around them) are Xanadu and Hello Dolly. That may seem to defeat the purpose of guilty pleasure, but believe me...I feel the shame inside whenever someone decides to slam either of these movies.

I own them both on VHS and for awhile now I've been pondering whether to take a step forward and purchase them on DVD. This, of course, would have to be done on the internet as no self-respecting media store would keep either of these movies in stock.

How about this? Every time I watch these movies I pine away for the soundtracks so that the intense joy I get from singing along to the tunes doesn't have to end when the movie is over.

Oh. Wait. I do own the Xanadu soundtrack. Heh. Guess I'm just waiting on Dolly.

I'd have to say one of the reasons I love both of these movies so much is that I am a sucker for a (good?) musical. I also inherited a loyalty to Bah-bara from my mother. I love the crazy costumes they squeezed her into for this movie and her meddlesome high-jinks. Say what you want about Dolly---the woman goes after what she wants and gets it! Plus, we can't forget that Walter Matthau is seen here in an incredibly young state as well as Michael Crawford, he of future Phantom of the Opera fame. Seriously. Does it get any better than this?

Probably. Because Olivia Newton-John rollerskating under faux pyro-technics only to be adapted into her own animated short is pretty sweet and (admittedly) my favorite part of the movie.

Except for the little number where they blend some sweet little 50s ditty with an 80s rock anthem, not only merging the two songs, but also the sets and actors. This is musical genius, my friends. If none of this has convinced you that Xanadu is one of the guiltiest guilty pleasures, all you need to do is check out the muse with the penis-shaped hair at the beginning of the movie. They've covered this well over at Go Fug Yourself:

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/12/fugadu.html

Now that I've laid this all out on the line at Pajiba (of ALL places) I hope I won't be cast away for my crazy musical loving ways.

Posted by: Jessica at August 2, 2007 12:55 PM

I'm a sucker for PG-rated family comedies.

I love Jingle All the Way with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad. It's this movie about a guy who is a workaholic and he feels the only way he can make up for not spending time with his son is to buy him the most desired gift ever- an action doll. Hijinxs ensue and I laughed out loud at all of them. I even laughed at Sinbad. Maybe it's because I recognize my own father's failings and all I can do to cope is laugh at it.

I also have deep love for Radioland Murders starring Brian Benben of HBO's Dream On fame and Mary Stewart Masterson. It has a star-studded cast including Michael McKean and Jeffrey Tambor. I think the thing that may make it so "bad" is that Stephen Tobolowsky as the (Spoiler alert!) villan. Tobolowsky as the VILLAIN, people. It's about, you guessed it, murders at a 1940s radio station. Though it was totally panned, I think it's hysterical and I really can't figure out why no one else knows it exists and no television channels will ever show it.

I don't know if anyone mentioned this earlier but Beverly D'Angelo is not in Hocus Pocus. I too love that movie. And Sidney Poitier directed Fast Forward. Maybe he has a soft spot for leotards...

Posted by: Katherine at August 2, 2007 12:58 PM

There is nothing shameful about enjoying "Hocus Pocus." I think you get to see the real inner Sarah Jessica Parker in that film.

Most of my guilty pleasures come from watching my daughter's movies. "Hey, kiddo, let's watch 'George of the Jungle' again, mmm'kay?" Brendan Frasier looks fine without a shirt. And he spends most of the movie that way....

And I will always have a soft spot for "Bring It On: All or Nothing", because any movie that can use the line, "DUDE! I'm going to beat the DUDE out of you!" is all class.

We also have this totally hilarious DVD that came from the dollar bin at Garden Ridge. It's a cartoon version of "Hercules", and Hercules sounds like he's being voiced by Norm McDonald and he has a centaur sidekick named "Clompy". It's not meant to be funny but you will laugh yourself sick over it.

Posted by: Wednesday at August 2, 2007 1:00 PM

I'll second some of those mentioned above me: Bring It On, Wish Upon a Star (can't even believe that was mentioned/remembered!), Coyote Ugly, Spice World.

But for my own personal introduction (haven't seen it mentioned above): I really enjoyed "The Island." With Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson. (Is that how it's spelled?) I don't know if I can even really defend it; it was just really undeniably engrossing for me. So I think that's a pretty embarrassing entry in here.

Posted by: Amanda at August 2, 2007 1:01 PM

Since my contribution will probably not get read (being so far down the comment thread) I can admit to my guilty pleasures. First off is "Roller Boogie". A pudgy Linda Blair, post-Exorcist (II) in skates. The theme song is "Hell on Wheels", performed by Cher and the film was the launching pad for the "successful" career of professional roller skater Jim Bray (who I saw on "Love Connection" years later - and that's it.)I still have the soundtrack for this glittery, disco crapfest.

I've seen "Sgt. Pepper" over 100 times. I am a Peter Frampton fanatic. When I was 12, I saw every single screening the month is twas on cable. I even have the trading cards. Yikes.

Spice World - awesome. I am, at 38, still a major SG fan - especially Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell. I have all of her dolls. Too much info, huh?

A recent addition to my guilty favorites is the aforementioned "Sorority Boys". I saw Harland Williams at a comedy club last week and he signed my DVD (with a chuckle, I don't think he's asked to sign those a lot!) Phew! I feel so much better now...

Posted by: SugarKane at August 2, 2007 1:02 PM

Urban Cowboy. I'm not even going to try to defend it. It sucks me in every damned time.

Posted by: MJ at August 2, 2007 1:17 PM

There are many for me, but the most shameful has to be "The Pirate Movie". It is complete schlock but still I love it. I was crazy about Christopher Atkins when I first saw it (those blue eyes, charming smile--sigh!), so what was not to love? All the singing and dancing, overly manipulated vocal tracks, the blatant sexual references I didn't get at the time ("Pumpin', Blowin'"--puh-lease!), and the nerdy girl getting the cute guy in the end. I actually own it (on VHS, thank you) though I've not watched in a few years. Maybe I'll have to pull out the VCR for another viewing.

Landon (and others), I love you for liking "Xanadu" and my childhood idol, Olivia Newton-John. I'm dying to see the Broadway version.

And for you "Howard the Duck" fans, all I can say is barf. I unfortunately have a copy of that movie in my home as my husband is a fan as well.

Posted by: prairiegirl at August 2, 2007 1:19 PM

I'm gonna have to go with "Vibes". It's a 1988 movie about two psychics (Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldblum) hired by Peter Falk find his son missing somewhere in Peru. Only, not really, because they end up in a race with with Julian Sands to find a hidden temple that's actually the source of all the world's psychic energy.

Or something.

Really, who needs a plot when you've got Jeff Goldblum and Peter Falk doing what they do best -- which I guess is mugging shamelessly?

I seem to remember that Holly Hunter was originally cast as the female psychic, but the director wanted Cyndi Lauper instead. And who wouldn't prefer Cyndi over Holly when it comes to acting? C'mon! It's CYNDI friggn' LAUPER, people!

Posted by: Tatertot at August 2, 2007 1:25 PM

Alright, I went home and took a gander at my DVD collection and was ashamed of a couple films, tripe like A Knight's Tale, Newsies, Empire Records, and Heartbreakers. But there was one film that succeeded in putting all of these titles to shame. There is no "on the fence" debate about the quality of this movie, and owning it is as big a stigma as routinely rolling that 20-sided die:

Dungeons & Dragons, the movie.

Tagline: Adventure hinges on more than just a throw of the dice. This is no game.

Best clichéd quote: "Yeah well, have you ever heard of honor amongst thieves? We might live outside the law, but we respect each other." Word. Or how about: "I'd have to put a feeble mind spell on myself to want to take you home." Oh snap!

I ate this shit up it the theatre twice, people. Twice. Not satisfied with that level of geekery, I pestered the sales guy from Best Buy about the DVD release date and showed up the day it came out to purchase a copy of my very own. I then proceeded to watch all the special features on how the CGI dragons were produced. And one time I dropped it behind my bureau and wasted fifteen minutes of my life fishing it out with a bent hangar. I'm blushing right now typing this up, and I've got the anonymity of the internet on my side! That's some shame.

It's on par with any made for TV movie they would show on the Sci-Fi Channel, except somebody bankrolled this project. Well, more or less. I'm sure the salary of Marlon Wayans didn't break the bank, and they certainly didn't spend it all on special effects. The plot is contrived, the special effects laughable, the acting wooden.

But none of that changes the fact that it's got m to the otherfucking dragons in it.

My irrational affinity for the movie probably stems from the fact that at the time of its release in 2000, very few fantasy movies were popping up in theatres. This was the age before The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, an age when I had to get my fantasy fix from books rather than the big screen. Believe me when I say that my bookcase was a facsimile of the mass market fantasy section of your local bookstore. Screw Sci-Fi. It's all about the magic and pixies and shit.

Posted by: Erica O. at August 2, 2007 1:41 PM

Return to the Blue Lagoon.

I've never even seen the first one. The "sequel" I found on cable, so I haven't even seen it without edits and commercial breaks.
It's syrupy and ridiculous. Two orphaned teens raised as siblings who end up falling in love and having a baby at the end?! perfection! even though my first reaction is always, "they didn't even know what menustration was, and they succesfully gave birth and raised a child?"
when the "explorers" come and disturb their utopia and Richard saves Lili from attempted rape?
It's the best of romance novel premises created into film. I guess it doesn't help that I was 10 when I first saw it and it permenantly set me up to be disappointed in my less-adventrous romantic life.

Posted by: julia at August 2, 2007 1:43 PM

"Chris Sarandon was my childhood crush for years after that movie. Then I saw what a pussy he was in The Princess Bride and it burst my bubble."

WORD, savoyeve!
Jerry Dandridge was sheer hotness with fangs to my younger eyes (God, that disco scene - I swear that was the first time a movie made my ovaries explode)! But Prince Humperdinck? Ugh. The hair alone was enough to put me off. Then he turned chicken.... *sigh*... Jerry would NEVER had sat down in that chair so fast! Let alone with that camp cape-gathering thing he did...

Cindy - if The Comfort of Strangers was the one where Walken's character keeps going on about mascara-ing his moustache... I've seen it and like you, totally failed to understand it! But it was a haunter, all right.

I have another to add. I don't think anyone has mentioned this one. Probably because nobody would stoop that low..

Meet Joe Black.

*dodges rotten tomatoes*

I can't help it. I love it and hate it all at once. It can even make me cry a bit. And Pitt looks so vacantly hot in it!

Posted by: Tarn at August 2, 2007 1:46 PM

Can't believe I failed to think of "The Warriors" (a.k.a. Shaq's favorite film).

Can you dig it?

It's a roller coaster ride of that has it all: suspense, violence, horrendous dialogue, and hilariously be-costumed street thugs (with equally colorful names to match: the Hi-hats, the Boppers, the Electric Eliminators, etc.).

The scene opens in the Bronx at a rally bringing together all of the NYC gangs. Cyrus, the leader of the biggest and baddest of them all, The Riffs, based in the means streets of Gramercy (hardcore!!) calls all of the gangsters to put aside their differences and band together as one giant army against the NYPD. Things go horribly wrong when he is shot dead and the blame is placed on our heroes, the Warriors. From there we get a tour of NYC's after-hours underbelly as the wrongfully accused Warriors must trek from the Bronx to their own safe haven in Coney Island, along the way battling rival gangs, (bat-wielding Baseball Furies, the beautiful but deadly Lizzies, and on and on) all out for blood.

Above all, my favorite moment comes after the thrilling climax on Brooklyn's shore when the movie fades out to the tune of Joe Walsh's "In the City" (double hardcore!!)

Posted by: zeppellyn at August 2, 2007 1:47 PM

It may be too late and I know I'm repeating some here (though I haven't read all the comments), but I second or third or whatever for "Bring It On" and "The Sweetest Thing." I think "Bring It On" is better, but they both have their high points. And I hate chick flicks, but for some reason, those two just suck me in every time they're on TV.

My candidate for secret shame (and it's not that secret, I don't really feel bad about it) is my love for "Deep Rising." No, not a porno. It's a totally disgusting monster movie about giant sea worms that attack a cruise ship and eat everyone on board. For reasons which are not even worth explaining, Treat Williams brings his boat full of mercenaries to the cruise ship after almost all the passengers have been eaten already, and the next hour or so is watching the mercenaries get dispatched in various unpleasant ways. And Famke Janssen is in it, too. It's awesome. I actually paid to see this thing (dollar movie) when it came out and I've seen it a couple times since on cable. I think it is well worth the 90 minutes, but don't watch if slimy-ness grosses you out. There's lots of slime.

Posted by: LL at August 2, 2007 1:49 PM

Mine has no defense, Ski Patrol. That's right. It's a truly horrible, bad, vile, no good movie about a bunch of kids who are on the ski patrol of a mountain. The mountain is going to be bought by evil corporate entity and wacky hijinks ensue to prevent it from happening. There is also a guy who wears two Halloween masks, one on each side of his face and has conversations/arguments with them.

It is the movie I watch whenever I feel like my life can't get any worse. I watch this and say : At least I never acted in Ski Patrol.

To make it even worse. No one airs this movie anymore, not HBO, not TBS, TNT USA, none of them. It hasn't aged well, AT ALL. I don't even have the excuse of channel surfing and just stopping on it and being compelled to watch. I actually have to go pull out a VHS tape of it.

Posted by: Lizzie at August 2, 2007 1:51 PM

Agent Scully! You share my 10th Kingdom love!

It has some really great moments actually, then the suckitude begins and you can't help but love it more.

I am all about some Wolf though. Yum.

Posted by: savoyeve at August 2, 2007 1:52 PM

Best part of "Troop Beverly Hills"? The music montage set to the old 50s dance song, "Do The Freddy", and then later when the militant pseudo-lesbian rival troop official points to a picture of Shelly Long doing "The Freddy" and says deadpan, "Clearly this woman is a degenerate." The Freddy! Come ON!

Posted by: Dave at August 2, 2007 1:52 PM

How could I forget Love at First Bite???!! I had a thing for vampires when I was young, what can I say?

The bad disco. The bad accents! The racial slurs! It was so bad that when I watch it these days I cringe, but that was probably the first guilty pleasure. Wow. Thanks for whoever posted that one . . .

Posted by: savoyeve at August 2, 2007 1:55 PM

And OMG, sorry to post so much, but "Just One of the Guys"? Brilliant!

"I'm a girl."
"Yeah, right, and I'm Cyndi Laow-per".

Posted by: Dave at August 2, 2007 1:56 PM

willow

I don't know if anyone else likes this film, but since it's out of place for me to like it as much as I do I have to believe it constitutes a "Guilty Pleasure."

Posted by: me at August 2, 2007 1:57 PM

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this. I tried to read through the whole list but this could seriously take hours. My absolute favourite movie is "Valley Girl." Like totally. It's Nicolas Cage's first leading role, playing a boy from the wrong side of the tracks (Hollywood) who falls for a girl from the cushy Valley. Her friends think he's a loser and his friends think she's a snot-bag. It's very "Romeo and Juliet" minus the death. This movie is true cinematic gold for the horrible eighties clothes and the dialogue alone. Lines like "he's such a total pukeoid" make me laugh with glee every time I watch it. Also, Nick Cage has, for some reason, shaved his chest hair into a triangle. This also makes me laugh.

Other guilty pleasures: Bring It On (of course), My Bodyguard (for the young Adam Baldwin), Toy Soldiers (not the Louis Gossett Jr./Sean Astin one from the early nineties, but an earlier one about a girl who goes into the jungle with a motley crew of "commandos" to save her friends who have been kidnapped by evil South Americans), Teen Witch, 10th Kingdom (yes Agent Scully!), Grease 2 (Maxwell Caulfield is actually from the UK so it's not that he is faking a bad English accent but perhaps that he is just a bad actor), Reign of Fire (Christain Bale and Gerrard Butler - yum!), Newsies (speaking of Christain Bale...singing and dancing!), Encino Man and George of the Jungle (for all the scenes with Brendan Fraser running around in a loin cloth, that scene where he is wearing the white shirt and running with the horse, and especially that scene where he is wet, naked and covering himself with a bowl. And it is a children's movie.)

Finally, there is Gidget. The 1950s Sandra Dee surfing movie. It's so bad and cheesy and completely outdated with it's 1950's value system firmly in place, but I love it. This is the one guilty pleasure I don't really tell people about because when I have I mostly get confused and concerned looks in return. Gidget just wants to surf and be one of the boys. She's skinny and awkward and not quite caught up to her friends in the development and boy chasing department. They find her embarrassing so kind of drop her for the summer. Gidget takes up surfing and tries to get in with Moondoggie and all his friends. Eventually she starts to fall for Moondoggie who doesn't seem to really notice her. Gidget does all sorts of silly things to try and make Moondoggie jealous, but it all works out in the end, of course.

I own pretty much all of my guilty pleasures. I could list more but then I think one could really start to question my taste in movies as a whole.

Posted by: V at August 2, 2007 1:59 PM

Sing

Posted by: Dana at August 2, 2007 2:04 PM

Dene, I love Heartbreakers too, and yes, J. Love Hewitt's clothes are FANTASTIC in that movie. I watch it for that alone!

I can't believe someone remembers The Last Dragon. I loved that movie so much, and I'll be damned if I didn't try to dress up like Vanity.

And why are people so ashamed of The Cutting Edge? Adored that one, and still watch it whenever it comes on the Lifetime network.

Another one I shamefully confess to: "Bionic Showdown: The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman." When Sandra Bullock challenges the guy to a race, and runs off at the friggin speed of light, (with the bionic sounds, no less) I squeal like a little girl.

Posted by: Brie at August 2, 2007 2:04 PM

Willow

I don't know if anyone else likes this film, but since it's out of place for me to like it as much as I do I have to believe it constitutes a "Guilty Pleasure."

Posted by: Wence Compense at August 2, 2007 2:12 PM

HOCUS POCUS!

Oh, how that grand slice of cinema evokes such sweet, comforting memories of sprawling across the carpeted living room aside my little sister, chanting, "come little children, i'll taaaaake you away...."

I love how James Lipton didn't mention the juicy role of the slutty, moronic sister-witch when he interviewed horsey-face on ITAS. She rocked!

Posted by: Ariel at August 2, 2007 2:17 PM

I echo the sentiment on Bring It On, Coyote Ugly, and The Cutting Edge, although I don't really acknowledge the last as "guilty." Oh, and The Pirate Movie...that brings back some memories.

I also don't see Howard The Duck or Last Action Hero as guilty. I certainly don't acknowledge Conan The Barbarian or The Beastmaster as guilty. And Back To School is guilty? No way! Fright Night! It's an unapologetic blast! And Flash Gordon?!? I'd never apologize for that. Camp, yes. But guilty? Hell, no! Clash of the Titans??!!!? Ray Harryhausen's opus magnum? You've got to be kidding me!

So what does qualify as guilty for me?

I've watched that Freddie Prinze, Jr./Claire Forlani romantic comedy Boys And Girls far too many times on cable.

It's not a film, but I've seen the Star Wars Holiday Special multiple times out of some sort of perverse masochism. It simply must be seen to be believed. Watching it - preferably while drunk - is like some sort of strange rite of passage to remind us how bad things can get.

It might very well qualify as one of the more acceptable recent romantic comedies, but I am very reluctant to admit my affection for How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.

But the all-time winner of the guilty pleasure contest...the thing that I watched multiple times as a kid, and that my friends and I had the most ridiculous fun laughing over...is the Sandahl Bergman post-apocalyptic fantasy epic SHE.

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 2:23 PM

One more from me ad then I am done I promise.

Pootie Tang. You don't understand what he is saying, but you know exactly what he means.

His gibberish duet with Missy Eliot. The song that is nothing but silence but gets everyone grooving.

The best line in the world comes from this movie.

"Just because a girl likes to dress fancy and dance on a street corner, you automatically think she's a prostitute? Nasty Bastard!"

Posted by: cmoody at August 2, 2007 2:24 PM

Oh, and I am the only one who actually likes Ghostbusters 2? It must be guilty, because I always rapidly flip away whenever someone walks in while I'm watching it.

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 2:25 PM

REAL GENIUS guilty?!!?!?? You've got to be kidding me. It's a masterpiece!

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 2:29 PM

Pigwidgeon,

24 actually. Damn your good. Yeah, if you were scared by The Last Unicorn, you should check out The Elm Chanted Forest. At one point, there are mushrooms that do a disco-funk song and dance routine to torture the main character.

"Eggs...are..poison!!!"

Posted by: Blonde Savant at August 2, 2007 2:32 PM

Pigwidgeon,

24 actually. Damn you're good. Yeah, if you were scared by The Last Unicorn, you should check out The Elm Chanted Forest. At one point, there are mushrooms that do a disco-funk song and dance routine to torture the main character.

"Eggs...are..poison!!!"

Posted by: Blonde Savant at August 2, 2007 2:33 PM

***DON'T TELL HER IT'S ME AKA. BOYFRIEND SCHOOL***
I don't even have a secret shame of this gem. Everyone I know (save my mom, who loves it too) makes fun of me for loving this movie. IMDB starts its summary as "Gus a fat cartoonist..." If that's not enough to draw you in how about this: He's looking for love and his sister (Shelly Long) dresses him up as a Kiwi to impress a woman. Comedic gold! Oh, and he had cancer) :

Posted by: ZuZu at August 2, 2007 2:37 PM

Posted by: ZuZu23 at August 2, 2007 2:37 PM

wow... I like quite a few of those above, including Last Action Hero. But my two ultimate guilty pleasures, those that if you saw me on the street and said, "I saw your post on Pajiba," I would flat out deny it was me as I run away cowering in a dumpster like the kid in NeverEnding Story, are:

1) Kung Pow Enter the fist... I mean come on, a slow motion fight scene with a cow that shoots out milk? and a great homage to the silliness that is prophecy speeches in movies... you gotta love it...

2) The Kentucky Fried Movie... not only because of the movie itself "what was that? twy it again... this time wit feeeeewwwing," but the short sketches of the "daredevil" crossing the tracks, the gorilla going crazy in the studio, and yes, catholic school girls in trouble is HILARIOUS!

Posted by: Nico at August 2, 2007 2:40 PM

I have two:
1#, First off, let me confess, I'm 39 years old and one of my all time favourite movies is Animalympics, does anybody remember this movie? From the music by 10CC and the voices of Gilda Radner, Billy Crystal, Harry Shearer, the competitions (the bobsledding Calamari brothers, the elephant gymnast, etc) are hilarious as are the jokes. The music is awesome and fits every scenario in the movie. I still watch this movie to this day. In fact this movie is the only reason I still own a VCR.
#2 The Seventh Sign. The general plot of the movie has been done many times, but I like the way this movie was made. Let me clarify that I do not like Demi Moore, nor have I ever. Fortunately Jurgen Prochnow, who is one of my favourite actors is in the movie. Though I don't recall, he is probably the only reason I rented this movie in the first place...Where this movie gets me is in the end when Moore understands that she is reincarnated from a past life, the time of Jesus to be exact, she is asked if she would die for him (Jesus) and she choose not to. Now in the present, she is given the same choice with her newborn son, in a moment of clarity she knows and gives her life for her him. This scene never fails to make me cry like an idiot. I had a newborn at the time and remember thinking "Yes, I would give my life for his". I guess it's a mom thing....

Posted by: Sorceressss at August 2, 2007 2:46 PM

I only read about half the comments so forgive me if this is a repeat, but the movie I can't bring myself to own and yet actively seek out on cable is Soldier (1998). It stars a super-buff, barely speaking Kurt Russell who was raised with the sole purpose of being a soldier, but who has been dumped on a garbage planet when the new "super" soldier role off the assembly line. Kurt's character - Todd - OF COURSE saves the inhabitants of the garbage planet from the super soldiers when a ridiculous plot contrivance pits them against each other. The movie is tragically bad and yet, I can't not watch it. It also features Jason Scott Lee, Jason Isaacs, Connie Nielsen, Michael Chiklis AND Gary Busey. That's right - Gary Busey. But, Kurt Russell is so, very smoking hot in the movie and he kicks a significant amount of ass. And, Jason Isaacs is just a brilliant villian.

I do have to mention, though, that many of the movies commenters have listed as their shames (Con Air, Bring It On, The Rock, The Fifth Element, Legally Blonde, Armageddon, The Replacements, Overboard to name a few) are movies I enjoy with no guilt whatsoever.

Posted by: Smello at August 2, 2007 2:48 PM

I love Tank Girl. I bought it on VHS and bought it again on DVD. Lorrie Petty is awesome.

It's the first movie I ever saw (early 90's-era) where the main protagonist was female and:
- smart
- strong
- amusingly profane
- used and enjoyed her sexuality, was not manipulated, shamed or by it
- not bitch-slapped by a male character

AND! It also features Ice T as a mutant kangaroo. Also very amusing. Great soundtrack too.

I would like to offer my condolences and support to those who mentioned: Casual Sex?, She-Devil, The Pirate Movie, the 5th Element, Fright Night and Legend. Love them all.

Posted by: Kerin34 at August 2, 2007 2:56 PM

I am widely reknowned amongst my friends for my "appalling" movie choices. I either own or at least enjoy 3/4 of the listed movies I've seen here.

One I haven't seen is that late-night TBS classic, The Legend of Billie Jean starring Helen and Christian Slater, as well as Yeardley Smith(?) of Simpsons fame. I haven't seen it in years (since I've gotten old and stodgy and don't stay up until 4am anymore) and it's not on DVD as far as I know. Boy, did I love it when I was a teenager--I've had a thing for Christian Slater since I was quite young, and Helen was so pretty! Not to mention all that crazy excitement!

It's a guilty pleasure because I'm not even sure anyone else I know has ever seen it, and I'd be embarrassed to ask them to watch it with me.

"Fair is fair!"

Posted by: Siege at August 2, 2007 3:01 PM

I posted before but I couldn't bring myself to admit this. Give me time man, give me time.

OK, I saw Kazaam in theaters, and I loved it.
Then, I rented it on VHS and I still loved it. Then, I saw it over and over again on cable TV, and I still loved it.

It wasn't until I got older and saw how much people made fun of it that I realized I wasn't supposed to even like it. I can't bring myself to watch it again for fear that I have not outgrown it and find that I still love it.

Damn you Shaq! You also caused me much embarrassment when I knew the lyrics to your horrible rap songs.

Posted by: jazzyzoid at August 2, 2007 3:10 PM

Siege,

Oh my GOD! I can't believe you said Legend of Billie Jean. We watched that movie, let's see . . . about 13,652 times when I was younger. I don't think I could bear to see it now, but I do remember it well.

To this day, my friend and I swap LBJ lines with each other:

I won't pay.

Oh, but you WILL pay, Mr. Pyatt.

Posted by: llism at August 2, 2007 3:22 PM

Mine would have to be the 1981 film Excalibur.It truly is a horrible piece of crap but I was 12 when I saw it and thought it was the coolest freaking movie ever.
My fellow film loving friends will never let me live it down but I'll still watch it and still love it.
Hell it has Gabriel Bryne,Patrick Stewart,Liam Neeson and Helen Mirren but yeah its still bad.
Coolest scene - Arthur is impaled by his son with a spear who in turn is impaled by the opposite end of the spear "Come father let us embrace" he says as the move closer to one another sliding down the spear.Then Arthur thrusts his sword into his sons neck.....priceless!!!

Posted by: Jim at August 2, 2007 3:36 PM

A lot of my favorites have already been mentioned (Love at First Bite, Howard the Duck), but where's the love for Gung Ho? Not only did I love the movie, I even watched the short lived TV show (which I think had Scott Bakula instead of Michael Keaton). Yeah, there's a few too many comparisons that turn into "come on boys" speeches, but I still adore it. Kaz Kazuhiro has a posse. And it's me.

And 7 Brides for 7 Brothers? Got no game compared to The Music Man.

Posted by: ohgrl at August 2, 2007 3:40 PM

Now that I've read this whole chain I see that there are a heck of a lot of Bring It On worshipers (I like the movie too, though I can't quote it). A few more movies that came to mind that I'm ashamed to admit I like unless I'm in the company of other fans:

- Roller Boogie

- Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (come on, Josh Duhamel is just HOT and Topher Grace totally turns me on when he kisses Rosalee for the first time. BTW, I never thought much of Topher until I was flying from Chicago to NY a couple years ago and I noticed him get on the plane and sit way the hell back in coach. I found it endearing of someone who could reasonably fly first class.)

- 8 Seconds (I haven't actually seen this on the list yet, but I figure someone out there has to like it, too. Never a 90210 fan but this movie made me a Luke Perry fan. "Cowboy up.")

-Johnny B Good (Also not on the list but someone besides me has to have seen it and liked it. Anthony Micheal Hall, the "Geek", playing a role as a hot football player? Never woulda thunk it but it worked for me. And I love anything with Robert Downey Jr.)

Posted by: prairiegirl at August 2, 2007 3:50 PM

The Guru--featuring the talents of Heather Graham (whom I seriously love because it's so refreshing to see an actress who knows her limits and stays strictly within them), Marisa Tomei (at her "Academy A-what now?" best), Jimi Mistry teaching Christine Baranski the Macarena (SIX YEARS after everyone was already sick of it), and Ajay Naidu (in his biggest, most embarrassing role since Samir from Office Space). Of course I have it on DVD.

First runner-up: View from the Top, which Gwyneth Paltrow tried to distance herself from before it even finished filming. My eyes still light up at the utterance of "Paris. First class. International."

Posted by: Mike at August 2, 2007 3:51 PM

I don't know why I can't stop posting in this thread, it's like some form of compulsion but thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou to Blonde Savant The Elm Chanted Forest scared the life out of me as a child, I can't even remember what it's about but I do remember the dancing mushrooms.

And as I've got this far I feel I must confess to owning one of the my little pony movies. It has an evil centaur thing called no-heart and features the sea ponies doing the worlds best musical number - including the "glittery animation" effect that only happens in 80s cartoons. I could justify it by saying that I was 5 when I got it but that wouldn't explain why I watched it while hungover three weeks ago.

Ugh, I feel sullied.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at August 2, 2007 3:56 PM

If I could get my hands on them I would be watching "Prayers of the Rollerboys" (Corey Haim and rollerblading) and "Gleaming the Cube" (Christain Slater and skateboarding)right now.

Posted by: V at August 2, 2007 4:07 PM

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

I love this movie. I must have watched it a hundred times. The scene at the end where Kevin Costner rushes up to Maid Marianne and says "I would die for you," well, my sister and I spent hours watching it over and over again. And the whole pseudo Arabian Morgan Freeman, imparting his "eastern" culture to the low brow westerners is classic. Alan Rickman, of course, is fabulous, especially when he says "I will cut your heart out with a spoon." A spoon, really?

My favorite part however is when they get married at the end and she is wearing the most ridiculous crown I have ever seen. And Sean Connery is King Arthur, fabulous.

I am cracking up just thinking about it. There are just so many gems in this movie I cannot even begin to list them all. I have a brother!

Props to First Knight, love that movie. Love love love it. Oh, and my second runner up is The Last of the Mohicans. So bad but so good.

Posted by: Rachael at August 2, 2007 4:33 PM

Richard, not Arthur, sorry.

Posted by: Rachael at August 2, 2007 4:35 PM

Oh, and the Karate Kid, 1, 2 & 3. But especially 2. I wanted to be Japanese for so long after watching that movie.

Posted by: Rachael at August 2, 2007 4:38 PM

Grease 2.
The Boy Who Could Fly.
Dream Date.
Lisa.
Mannequin on the Move (Way Superior to the first film).

Posted by: sarah at August 2, 2007 4:41 PM

Many of you impress me with your impeccable taste in cheese. However, I see your entries and raise you:

The Trouble With Angels
Dot & the Kangaroo
Space Camp
Dance Till Dawn
Secret Admirer
My Stepmother is an Alien
Big Trouble in Little China
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
Practical Magic
Freeway
Simply Irresistible

Also, two movies whose names I don't even remember: one of them involved Anthony Edwards (Dr. Green on ER) as a college student who accidentally becomes a spy and has an affair with Linda Fiorentino (who turns out to be a CIA agent or something) and another that somehow had River Phoenix in a bubble ship with Ethan Hawke.

I'm sure there are more that I'm just not thinking of. However, as bad as all of these are, I will admit to them. My real secret shame movies are all (that's right, ALL) of the Olsen Twins movies. It started because of my sister, who is nearly ten years younger than I am. She's a year younger than the Olsen Twins, and she was obsessed with Full House reruns and their other shows. She read all of their books and would beg and beg for their movies, and I bought them for her, and caved when she pleaded with me to watch them...and I got hooked. I own every single one of the following:

Passport to Paris
Our Lips are Sealed
Winning London
Holiday in the Sun
Getting There
When in Rome

This was, of course, before they turned into scarecrow-ish, Homeless Chic harbingers of doom.

Posted by: Sarina at August 2, 2007 4:53 PM

D&D the Movie.

Yes, that D&D the Movie. Shut up!

Posted by: IanB at August 2, 2007 4:54 PM

Babytyrone, will you be my new best friend?

"The devil's backbone is only the most dangerous hill in the entire state."

"La Ola es mia. The wave is mine"

"Did he just call me a lady's undergarment?!"

Posted by: redbeaniegirl at August 2, 2007 5:09 PM

Teen Wolf, no question. I even had the soundtrack.

Posted by: Mo at August 2, 2007 5:09 PM

Enjoying the first three Karate Kids is for amateurs in the realm of guilty pleasures.

Give me THE NEXT KARATE KID, with its zen bowling, bungee prom, and the ludicrous Michael Ironside villain / fascist gym teacher. It's so bad I just can't turn away. I love it!

And I'm sorry, but I gotta say - NO WAY IN HELL IS BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA A GUILTY PLEASURE. I knew someone would try to pass that off on this list. It is action-comedy genius!

Oh, and The Last of the Mohicans is not too guilty either.

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 5:10 PM

Secret Admirer and Space Camp are good answers, though.

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 5:16 PM

Oh, and don't forget the dual Eric Roberts greats - By The Sword and Best of the Best. Sadly, I don't feel the least bit guilty about those either, however.

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 5:20 PM

Mortal Combat.

Posted by: MRod at August 2, 2007 5:28 PM

i'm sorry, but The Last Dragon is a masterpiece--Bruce Leroy was my idol--seriously i so wanted to possess the power of the glow--and i had the biggest crush on him. i must have watched that movie 500 times--i love it! "just directa your feetsa to daddy green's pizza"

i also love anything on Lifetime--i have wasted many, many weekends watching Lifetime Movie Network--i will watch anything on there, but Mother May I Sleep With Danger and A Face to Kill For are two of my favorites.

and i love The Legend of Billie Jean fair is fair! and Legend is the only Tom Cruise movie i can watch.

i guess my secret shame should be The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension except i'm not ashamed of loving that movie. i didn't see anyone else list it--and i don't think that's because its a well loved movie--but its much more likely due to the fact that i'm a HUGE dork. i can't even tell you how excited i was when i found it on dvd--i will never get sick of watching Buckaroo, Penny Priddy, Perfect Tommy, New Jersey, John O'Conner, Lord John Whorfin, and my personal favorite, John Bigboote-tay-tay. how could you not love a movie about a world renowned scientist, adventurer, and surgeon who is also in a crime-fighting rock band? and all of the aliens are named John--even the woman--and the fan club, and the oscillation overthruster and all the 80's hair, clothes, and special effects? i love everything about this movie.

Logan's Run would probably be second, although i'm not ashamed of that one either! then Undercover Brother--it makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Posted by: pq at August 2, 2007 5:36 PM

Just one more...can't believe I forgot this: SIDEKICKS! Chuck Norris, Joe Piscopo, Danica McKellar, Mako, and a martial arts tournament with a completely ludicrous scoring system.

Posted by: Rob at August 2, 2007 5:38 PM

I have no idea how I didn't remember this one, but: Killer Klowns from Outer Space. In my defence, I was under several different influences when I watched it. I strongly suspect it may not hold up to a second viewing.

I also vaguely remember, on the same night, watching something with Dee Snyder as a serial killer. You know, Dee Snyder...Twisted Sister? With the hair, and the makeup, and the screaming? Except wearing some kind of leather getup and killing people, or something. It's a little hazy. The next morning, needless to say, was pretty rough.

Posted by: Sarina at August 2, 2007 5:41 PM

too bad its called A Face to Die For. Yasmine Bleeth--as Emily Gilmore--James Wilder, and Robin Givens, plus the crazy doctor who gives Emily plastic surgery--after she gets out of prison for robbing her boss because her sister's boyfriend pretended to like her even though she is disfigured and she got caught--that makes her look like his dead wife, which upsets her until she becomes a famous designer and gets revenge on her fake boyfriend. what's not to like?

Posted by: pq at August 2, 2007 5:44 PM

Newsies
Titanic
3 Ninjas
Blast from the Past
Now and Then
Sliding Doors

the list could go on and on....

Posted by: cmd at August 2, 2007 5:53 PM

Trouble with Angels starring Hayley Mills as a teenager driving Rosalind Russell and the rest of the convent crazy - bad enough that I watch it, TiVO it, but even worse, every time I see the final scene at the train station, I cry...

Posted by: funtime42 at August 2, 2007 6:18 PM

"every time I see the final scene at the train station, I cry..." Well, of course you do! I also cry when they go to the nursing home at Christmas.

As a Catholic girls' school graduate, I also love Superstar. Molly Shannon is barking mad, which I always admire in an actress.

Posted by: ak at August 2, 2007 6:43 PM

Queen of the damned

Cocktail

Gimme an F!

Posted by: yazikus at August 2, 2007 6:56 PM

It has to be Smokey and the Bandit for me. Every time I see it's on, even when it's on Country Music Television (it seems to be on two or three times a month), I'll watch. CMT, motherfuckers. I have no shame. I was six years old when it came out, so therefore I (my parents, really) paid to see it in the theater. In fact, I've seen all three Bandit movies in the theater. I blame my dad; he had an inordinate fondness for Jackie Gleason. My first movie crush was Burt Reynolds as the Bandit. Who wouldn't fall in love with the way he wooed Sally Field down by the creek with Waylon Jennings crooning in the background?

Worst of all, after it came out (Does anyone else remember this?) CB radios became all the rage, and my father got swept up into the allure of yelling "Hey, good buddy!" into a handset. Next thing you know, our family car sported a gigantic CB antenna and my father bestowed CB handles on everyone in the family: he was "The Bushwhacker", my mom was "Sleeping Beauty", and I was....argh, I can't believe I'm admitting to this, oh Internet..."Little Bushie".

Posted by: Rebecca at August 2, 2007 7:00 PM

I was gonna go with Airborne, but then somebody else did, and hit upon most of what I would have said. My list is long. Like a lot of people, I scrolled through these comments and had a "holy shit, I love crappy movies" revelation.
There's TV movies like "Norma Jean and Marilyn" and "The Langoliers"... 80's stuff like "Stay Tuned" and "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"... Crappy comedies like "Dirty Work and Cabin Boy, which also got some nice love on the board... Trashy teen sex stuff like "Devil in the Flesh" and "The Crush"... Over-the-top Japanese wonders like "Battle Royale" (can't watch that enough) I don't even know what category to put "Cheats!" and "Slackers" in, but they occupy similar spaces in my heart... But off all the things shooting around in my brain right now, the one I am most ashamed of, therefor the most deserving of the title "guilty pleasure" goes to... Virtuosity. 1995. Denzel, Russell Crowe, virtual reality. First off, killing someone so you can take their outfit is always a cool move. Sid 6.7 is my favorite cheesy villain ever. I adore everything he says. "Game Over" is a quote that should be worked into every movie ever. (It's probably already in at least 14 movies, if not more - sci fi original moves must bring that total to 47.) Alright, I don't know what I'm talking about. Later.

Posted by: Jackie at August 2, 2007 7:09 PM

I am the odd one in my crowd - they're all about cinematic art, foreign films, releases on 2 screens. I enjoy all those, and gladly go to the theater to see them, but I also loudly trumpet my love of super stoopid movies. I watched Soul Plane and mostly enjoyed it. Saw The Girl Next Door twice because it's so forgettable I didn't realize I'd seen it before. I thought Euro Trip was hysterical. But these are disposable movies that I watch at home without any trace of guilt (I'm not going to pay theater prices for something obviously bad (unless it's one of those supremely awesome-bad movies that you can turn into an event)) and they make up a small percentage of the movies I actually see. Much like a bodice-ripper read after finishing Crime & Punishment. So, secret shame? I have almost no shame.

Except:

Harold & Kumar go to White Castle.

Expecting the same watch-once-giggle-never-think-about-again experience as all the other comedic dreck delivers, I was instead treated to an epic journey of two super-cute social misfits who realize everything they want in life is really theirs for the taking, if they will just reach out and grasp it. Neil Patrick Harris shows up! As himself! They get a cheetah high. AND THEY RIDE IT. It is beyond awesome.

My friends don't understand at all.

Posted by: lunabelle at August 2, 2007 7:43 PM

the king of all lazy afternoon movies, The 'Burbs......god bless tom hanks and corey feldman.

Posted by: Jordan at August 2, 2007 7:47 PM

1. Hardware. I'm sure Dylan McDermott wishes this movie would just go away. A post-apocalyptic trainwreck that is enjoyable despite being so bad, if only because you can drop acid and ride along with the anti-hero, Shades. Not to mention, there's probably no one here that can't relate to the fat perv finally getting his.

2. Near Dark. Another movie that has a whole bunch of people in it who probably wish the movie would go away - including Bill Paxton ("It's Finger Lickin Good!") and Adrian Pasdar. Vampire movie set in rural Oklahoma - need I say more?

Posted by: Alice H at August 2, 2007 8:34 PM

Jesus, that's a lot of comments.

In case you get around to the end of the list, here's a few of mine:

In The Army Now (Pauly Shore and Andy Dick join the army. The scene where they try to pretend to be gay and almost kiss makes me cringe, not because I have any problem with that, but because it's so awkward).

The Craft (oh come on, it's so dorky it's cool)

Dodgeball (I found this very funny)

Black Balls (more Vince Vaughn and a cute Brit and it's about lawn bowls, people)

And finally, no lynching please: Battlefield Earth. No, really. I like the goddamn movie. I think Travolta is hilarious in it. It's brainless and the acting kinda sucks, but I adore it. I'm not asking for an amazing experience in my movies (though I'll take it), I just find it to be an entertaining 'look evil aliens, let's blow shit up!' type of movie.

Posted by: 'Cuno at August 2, 2007 8:42 PM

Unrelated: I commented too quickly last time, and so didn't address the overwhelming affection felt for you people..why? SPICE WORLD.
OTHER PEOPLE LOVE SPICE WORLD TOO! Oh, it is so wonderful not to be alone. And Good Burger! Bring It On! View From The Top! Dirty Work! CAPTAIN RON!! I actually squeed YES THAT HORRIBLE FANGIRL NOISE when I saw that one. And I'm not ashamed of that at ALL. Captain Ron? It is such horrible goodness.
Somewhat tragically, it deserves noting that not only do I Love about..oh, 80% of the films listed here, but I do so proudly.. I feel absolutely no shame.
Worse, I've jotted down the names of everything I haven't seen yet. I don't do even that for good movies.
So, it's pretty fair to say my tastes run to the extraordinarily tacky side of the spectrum. I call them eclectic, but I know that's bullshit. I like schlock. With that background in mind..

HOW COULD I FORGET!

Hours late, without any bloody reason I can begin to discern, it hit me I'd forgotten to list what is in fact, a glaring horrible omission and I cannot believe I somehow forgot..

Now, firstly, I am not ashamed of either of these. According to everyone else EVER aside from my brother, I should be, but that's because other people don't understand awesome.

Firstly.. what my brother and I deem the Best Movie Ever, and can quote flawlessly without pause for hours..

MCHALES NAVY!
Oh, I know. BUT IT HAD TIM CURRY! AS THE SECOND GREATEST TERRORIST IN THE WORLD! AND HIS PANSY BLOND THERAPIST! And let us not forget Bruce Campbell, lovable scamp that he is. And I actually own 2 dvds of this. And a VHS. There's just too much awesome for one format to stand.

The runner up?
Saving Silverman.
Yes, I know. but NEIL DIAMOND! A Jack Black/Steve Zahn MASTERPIECE that is pretty much a love story about Neil fucking Diamond. And theres a wedding brawl! With a nun in stripper garb! Did I mention NIEL DIAMOND IS THERE? He sings! And saves the day.
It's glorious.

And..yeah. As far as should-be-deeply-ashamed films go, I'm pretty sure that actually beats out Power Rangers.

Also, with lack of shame comes excessive capslocking. Clearly.

Oh! And if no ones mentioned it yet, The New Kid.
Which seems to be reviled, and I cannot fathom why as it is brilliant BRILLIANT I say and also has Eliza Dushku, which always helps. And Zooey Deschanel! And a teenage funkdisco cover band!

Oh I so dearly need to go rent that now. Also, must figure out WHY I'm still not using Netflix. Hrm. Deep questions.

Posted by: the hel at August 2, 2007 8:45 PM

I love all of you, Pajibans!!! Excalibur...Best. Codpiece. Sex. Scene. Ever.
Gung Ho...please, I went to work in a Japanese run factory shortly after seeing that and IT WAS RIGHT!! ZERO DEFECT!!!!!!!

And, damn near anything with Hayley Mills is awesome. Love Trouble with Angels, love the *REAL* Parent Trap, Pollyanna, anything. I wanted to be her for the longest time when I was a kid.

Killer Klowns is best seen while under several influences.

And, yes, Sid 6.7 is the bomb.

Any love for Career Opportunities? Frank Whaley at his whacko mouthy best starring alongside Jennifer Connelly's yabos. (slow motion riding of a Kmart coin operated horse...need I say more?)

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 2, 2007 9:09 PM

There is simply no way that "Excalibur" is something one has to defend.

You're saying there are people you have to defend your love for it to? These are male friends and not just bemused women? Man, you need some new friends. Quick, before I do my Voice Of The Grail impression (and that scene used to terrify me).

Remember how they'd cut out Gabriel Byrne's pelvic thrusts during daytime showings on cable?

The one with Anthony Edwards and Linda Fiorentino was "Gotcha". "Gotcha! Gotcha where I want ya! Too late to turn back now. Gotcha! Getcha-getcha got me!" Oh, sorry, and the one with River Phoenix, Ethan Hawke, that other guy and Robert Picardo's voice was "Explorers".

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2007 9:23 PM

Three for the Road: Kerri Green, Charlie Sheen, Alan Ruck. Cinematic brilliance!

Posted by: Adam at August 2, 2007 9:51 PM

More gems that I forgot:

The Secret of My Success; Project X (Matthew Broderick & astronaut monkeys!); A Far Off Place; Hello Again (Shelley Long comes back from the dead); The Man From Snowy River; The Manhattan Project.

Posted by: Sarina at August 2, 2007 9:53 PM

Ten Things I Hate About You stars one of my least favorite actresses, Julia Stiles. But the Shakespeare references and Joseph Gordon-Levitt keep me coming back for more every time it airs on TBS. Not to mention Alex Mack. It's an awesome teen movie, no matter what anyone else says.

Posted by: Emily Mullins at August 2, 2007 9:58 PM

Innerspace
Collision Course
2 Tina Yothers flicks: Laker Girls & Crash Course.

Posted by: Adam at August 2, 2007 9:59 PM

Autumn in New York: It's horrible, horrible, horrible but I'm a sucker for Richard Gere crying, I can't help it.

The Tenth Kingdom: Fabulous! cheesy! There are parts that I fast forward through because they're so bad...but I own it. There's something about John Larroquette (Night Court nostalgia I'm sure) and the weirdness of Kimberly Williams falling in love with a wolf that makes it all worth it.

And if I can include a tv show....Silk Stalkings. I used to watch this show in secret cause I thought it was naughty and my parents would be mad at me for watching it...it was kinda like porn. I would change the channel whenever my parents walked past the room! To this day, I miss Rita and Chris.

Posted by: holamiis at August 2, 2007 10:03 PM

Steel. Shaq's finest film. Ever.

Showdown in Little Tokyo. Dolph Lundgren as a samurai, and it was brilliant.

Vice Versa was filmed at my junior high school.

Posted by: Adam at August 2, 2007 10:05 PM

Okay, I remembered a movie I was completely obsessed with, yet another dance movie. Did anyone ever see Sing? The Brooklyn high school is closing down, and they persevere and have their end of the year musical production. Bad boy falls in love with good girl, it's brilliant. Pattie LaBelle is in it as well. It's great. GREAT! I tell you.

Posted by: Sharon at August 2, 2007 10:11 PM

Cloak and Dagger! Love that! Henry Thomas has a direct-access pass to my tear ducts, every time.

I'll argue that any beloved cheesy film from childhood/youth is not shameful, as that was before we had developed taste. Or cynicism. Or taste.

That being said, I might have, accidentally, voluntarily, paid to see the first Pokemon movie when I was 19. *cough* I am immune to cute things.

Posted by: Lola at August 2, 2007 10:20 PM

Along with "Overboard," that was mentioned above, I'll admit to "Captain Ron."

Maybe it's a Kurt Russell thing.

"He said gor-rillas, not guer-rillas."

"Oh yeah, sure, pirates of the carribbean - isn't that a Disneyworld ride?"

Posted by: Que Barbara at August 2, 2007 10:23 PM

Message in a bottle--enough said.

Posted by: saraw at August 2, 2007 10:37 PM

1.) PRINCE OF DARKNESS--terrible AND scary!
2.) THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS--although I think that may be a good movie
3.) BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA-- love Keanu's pronunciation of "bYOOdapest"
4.)THE ENCHANTED COTTAGE-- a classic with a questionable message
5.) UNLAWFUL ENTRY-- for the funniest (unintentionally) fight scene ever

Posted by: marianna at August 2, 2007 11:29 PM

My husband and I have The Rock in our movie collection! It fits into the "cheesy" part of our interests, right there next to Top Gun and my personal guilty pleasure, The Fifth Element.

Maybe it's not that much of a guilty pleasure. I mean, the movie begins in Egypt circa-World War I - and although aliens land, more unbelievable is Luke Perry as an archeologist. Bruce Willis plays pretty much the same role he always plays, but he's so damn hot in a tank top, so it's okay, right? Milla Jovawovamovavich plays The Perfect Being who learns English right away because - she's the Fifth Element, duh! There's a Dark Force in cahoots with a crazy, Southern-accented Gary Oldman, Chris Rock is a transvestite lady-killer dee-jay, and a blue alien sings opera in the middle of the action.

God, I love that movie.

Posted by: Ariel at August 2, 2007 11:41 PM

Ishtar - Dustin Hofman and Warren Beatty as awful songwriters who manage to save North Africa from war. Charles Gorden and a blind camel are an added bonus. My whole family loves it - we watch it almost every time we are together and can sing most of the songs along with the movie. At my dad's 50th birthday party we sang, "I'm leaving some love in my will" to him, and at my brother's rehersal dinner we sang, "Telling the truth can be dangerous business...." No one else knew what we were talking about but we loved it.

Posted by: Lindy at August 2, 2007 11:46 PM

Man... So people really like Spice World as a guilty or admitted pleasure? I'm not judging here, I swear. It's just that I have always thought, honestly, this film was unlikeable beyond redemption. But if people seem to like anything in it, I may have the wrong perception of it.

Posted by: Gargumma at August 3, 2007 12:05 AM

Okay, this has truly been fun, and gotta agree with the love for some of the cinematic masterpieces cited. But it's time to wind it up with the winner.

I have seen the nominee once, only once. Have never seen it listed anywhere, anytime since. It occurred several decades ago - but it was so striking (traumatic?) that I still remember the full title. I don't think I mentioned it to my best friend at the time, let alone my family. Nobody has admitted to seeing this, let alone liking it. Ever. I'm outing myself, please be gentle with me, it's my first time.....

One afternoon in the late 70's (no, I didn't misstype - that's Late Seventies ) I flipped on the TV, sat down, wondered WTF? - then was mesmerized for 2 hours by the unbelievability rolling over the screen.

My nominee for Guiltiest Pleasure Ever is:
(drumroll, please)

Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Amusement Park

How bad is it, you ask?

Kiss (who have never, ever, missed an opportunity to make a buck) disown its actual existence. Sincerely wish each and every copy (all 3 of them) to disappear from the face of the planet.

But I like it.......

Posted by: bjs1109 at August 3, 2007 12:10 AM

Well mine are:

Grease 2...looooove the songs..were gonna scooore tonight, they are really catchy

Summer School...a pre-melrose place Courtney Thorne Smith and dreamy mark hammon

You Got Mail does it for me too, i love the montage of NY waking up with the music of the cramberries

Mistery Men...dont know why, i just love it.

Police Academy 5....we had in VHS as kids and we watch it like a million times we even new the lines and everytime i think about it i smile

Posted by: NDR at August 3, 2007 12:16 AM

oh goodness. Major Payne. Yes, it's a Damon Wayans movie, featuring him as an overbearing drill sergeant who learns to feel, dammit! through the love of a ragtag group of ROTC cadets and their (hot) school counselor. But my brother and I loved it, and for a while watched it at least once a week, if not more, and of course, memorized all the dialogue and repeated it back to each other enough that it drove our parents completely crazy. I mean really, how could you resist a line like this: "Unity! is the key word in unit...without the 'y.'"

Posted by: penny at August 3, 2007 1:43 AM

Hey, damn it, there is NO SHAME in loving Robin Hood: Men in Tights. That movie is amazing. I love it, completely guilt-free.

Posted by: Gabs at August 3, 2007 1:44 AM

Say it ain't so! You mean I'm not supposed to admit to people that my family watches Home Alone every Christmas? I'm not supposed to take pride in introducing friends to the greatness that is The Last Action Hero? Come on, I've made friends for life over that movie. So no, those two totally don't count.

Of course, if A Knight's Tale had been mentioned anywhere on that list, I would have to concede defeat. I once got in an argument with a particularly obsessed Early British Literature teacher over how that movie was exactly the sort of movie that Chaucer would have loved. Okay, well, possibly not enough fart jokes for his taste, but hey, if I were a guy, I could only hope that Paul Bettany would portray me on film. Not to mention it would totally earn points with Chaucer just to see the Pardoner and the Summoner being immortalized hundreds of years later in all their base glory. And, anyone that choreographs a medieval dance to Golden Years totally wins points in my book. So suck it Brit Lit Bitch, take your drawn out, overindulged Kenneth Branagh Shakespeare adaptations and step off.

My runner up is of course The Princess Diaries. I can (and often do) find myself singing the Genovian Anthem, just because it's such a damn good song.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go catch a rerun of my third Secret Shame: Who Wants to be a Superhero?

Posted by: McGeek at August 3, 2007 2:27 AM

I love all you guys. As I scrolled down the comments I gave many an involuntary squeal as my guilty viewing moments were dragged into the light, blinking and scratching their 'c' grade dialogue addled brains.
Grease 2 "cooooooool rider, co, co, co, cool rider. If he's cool enough he can burn me through and through.Wohoh oh oh" They just don't write songs like that anymore.
The Rock: "Put down your weapons" "I cannot obey that order" "Put down your weapons" "I cannot obey that order" for about 20 minutes. Michael Biehn in his 'almost as hot as Terminator but with straight to TV roles as a stalker looming on the horizon' stage.
But the number one for me is a Mark Dacascos film called Drive, where he escapes the Chinese military after being implanted with a top secret bionic heart to become the Ultimate Weapon. Shennanigans ensue as he is chased across America, fighting with shoes on his hands to ward off stun poles and a laconic bountyhunter who utters one of the single greatest sentences I have ever heard. "I ain't gonna lose to no cheese eating dick monkey" It doesn't get better than that, people, it just doesn't.

Posted by: GirlwithaCurl at August 3, 2007 2:49 AM

I don't whether this counts or not, being a TV show and all, but hey, what the heck, it's my guilty pleasure. *takes a deep breath*

Sailor Moon.

Say what you like, but I never grew out of that phase. I was so into Sailor Moon as a kid (read: last-years-of-high-school-teenager), it was on a morning show but they always played the Sailor Moon episode after I had gone to school, so I had to tape it every morning and watch it in the afternoon, which annoyed me so much that I sent an email to the show's website begging them to put it on earlier so I could watch it, and then my parents told me that taping it was illegal (probably to stop me from watching it so religiously), so I freaked out and sent another email pretending to be my "sister", saying that the previous email was just joking, but really, play Sailor Moon earlier goddamnit.

Then we moved, and my parents threw out all my tapes, and I pined away. Three years ago I was introduced to Bearshare, and I single-handedly downloaded every episode of season five, plus all three movies. This took me approximately a year. This year, I found the first thirteen DVDs of the first, second and third season. I have never been happier, and no one but me (and the shop clerk who looked at me oddly) has seen them.

But enough background, Sailor Moon is hands down the coolest girl in the entire world (hell will freeze over before I say that aloud). She had a talking cat, she had the prettiest transformation out of everyone, she had a bloody /tiara/ that could kill /monsters/ (what kid hasn't ever wanted to wield lethal jewellery?!), and on top of everything, she came from the moon. She's hardcore.

The dialogue is painfully clichéd, the plots are laughably weak, the main love interest had the lamest name ever ('Tuxedo Mask'?!), and it remains that way until the very end of the 200 episodes. But my god, when Nephlite says "Looks like we won't be having that chocolate parfait" just before he dies in Molly's arms, disintegrating into all these sparkly bubbles that float up and away into the air as Molly screams "Nephlite! NO!" and begins sobbing, I cry every time.

There. For the first time in nearly ten years I have spoken. You have no idea how good that feels.

Posted by: Cookie at August 3, 2007 4:13 AM

Sadly, my secret shame is anything to do with Sandra Bullock... Give me "While You Were Sleeping", "Hope Floats", "The Lake House", and even *shudder* "Miss Congeniality" any time, and I'll be a happy girl.

What can I say? I likes me some cheese, and dammit that Sandra makes me smile...

Posted by: mimi at August 3, 2007 4:47 AM

Back to School-w/ Rodney Dangerfield. When I was young I used to imagine college was totally like that and I couldn't WAIT to get to a jungle themed party! Plus, what Rodney turns his dorm room into was something short of a miracle and I wanted to have that when I grew up and went to college. And who couldn't resist the blonde "Johnny" guy (from Karate Kid) as the bad guy in another movie! Also, this movie gave us the Triple Lindy, which despite the lack of a high dive at my neighborhood pool, was constantly attempted!

Grease-I will watch this from start to finish EVERY TIME it's on. AND I will sing every song and dance along. Probably b/c I was in a musical growing up and we did a Grease Montage and my favorite part was singing Summer Lovin' and doing the "Shooda bop bop!" part while shimmying. Shake 'em if you got em!!

BeastMaster - Marc Singer in his most famous role. You gotta love a protagonist who's name is: DAR! (As in, DAR! Of course this movie's great!!) And this movie started the years of begging my parents for a feret. Those little critters were so darned lovable! Anytime I'm in a pet store now and I see a feret, I always think about the Beastmaster!

Ever After - The Cinderella story w/ Drew Barrymore. The worst acting in the world. I absolutely hate this movie to pieces, however, I can't turn my eyes away or turn the channel when it's on. Maybe it's Angelica Houston that does that to me.

Posted by: Helcat at August 3, 2007 9:11 AM

Witness my soul-staining shame: Babycakes.

Posted by: Shaz at August 3, 2007 10:10 AM

I cannot resist Love Potion #9. My favotite scene is the one in which Tate Donovan gets revenge on The Sexy Girl by asking her about synthesizing an alkeloid or some such nonsense.

Posted by: Arkansan at August 3, 2007 10:11 AM

Joe vs the Volcano

So many people I've talked to hate it with a passion, and so I usually hide my deep abiding love for this movie. But no more. First, it stars Fun Hanks, not played out Hanks, and unlike Turner and Hooch, there is no dog dying to squelch the fluffy tone. The third act is a bit dull, with the actual volcano and stuff, but I love the first with the office fluourescents (total Office precursor! I'm not arguing that with you) and the intensity of the second act Luggage Guy has been inside joke mileage for me and my dad for years. Also, possibly Meg Ryan's greatest acting range, where she plays three different characters, one of whom is that character from all her other movies. Hmmm....

Posted by: brin at August 3, 2007 10:15 AM

Swing Kids
School Ties
Selena

*sigh*

Posted by: Captain Babypants at August 3, 2007 10:37 AM

Heh...I admit to secretly loving Money Pit, and that scene where Hanks is stuck in the floor singing the name game and throwing away bribe money is one of my favourite scenes of all time. So much of this movie is hilarious, and yet really bad at the same time.

Other gems: "Paint, don't tickle", and "The Police came" uttered brilliantly by Alexander Gudonov, should have secured him as many comedic roles as he desired. Whatever happened to him?

Posted by: chachaheels at August 3, 2007 10:45 AM

The Librarian. You know, the one with Noah Wyle.

and God help me, I love Newsies and First Knight.

I, in fact, know Newsies by heart. Every cheesy line, every dance step, every song. Every Christian "I'm-too-good-for-this-dance" Bale Stumble and subsequent "fuck this" face.

Sometimes, on bad days, my internal pep talk goes like this:

"OPEN THE GATES AND SEIZE THE DAY! DON'T BE AFRAID AND DON'T DELAY!... NOTHING CAN BREAK US, NO ONE CAN MAKE US GIVE OUR RI-IGHTS AWAY!" (Jazz Hands)

Posted by: shameshameshame at August 3, 2007 10:52 AM

A Knight's Tale, definitely. Such a great cast, with one notable exception, Shannon Sossamon (sp?). She had never acted before, and it's painful to see. But Heath Ledger more than makes up for it--he's never looked hotter in any of his other movies.

Also, Ever After. I love my fairy tales and handsome princes, what can I say? Unfortunately, Drew Barrymore's horrid 'accent' in this one makes it a bit cringeworthy at times, but Dougray Scott is absolutely edible. And the actor who played Leonardo Da Vinci was magic.

Posted by: Whiskers at August 3, 2007 11:02 AM

My personal secret shame is TBS-induced. Their weekend movie and makeover film library is very limited. That being said, my heart does a little song and dance whenever "American President" comes on. I love me some Martin Sheen in any shape of office, even if he isn't Commander in Chief.

Posted by: danaeclaire at August 3, 2007 11:23 AM

I have to very strongly disagree with whoever picked The Fifth Element as their guilty pleasure because, seriously?, that's the BEST MOVIE EVER! If you feel ashamed because you watch it then you completely do not understand the movie and therefore cannot possibly appreciate the genius that is Lelu Dallas Multipass. Your DVD should be confiscated.

Posted by: Agent Scully at August 3, 2007 11:33 AM

Okay, I haven't read all the comments so I'm not sure if this has been mentioned, but I didn't notice it in my quick look through.

Paint Your Wagon

This is a very long western musical starring Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood. Yes, Clint Eastwood sings and no, he isn't very good. It also features Clint and Lee marrying the same woman and taking turns sleeping in the tent so the other man can have the wife for the night.

The songs (except Clint's) are great, and always stay in my head for a week after I watch this movie. The movie was made before I was even born so I'm not sure how it stuck with me. My mother loved this movie, but she loved plenty of other movies that didn't have such an impact. Anyway, I'd say this is the only movie in my collection that I'd be somewhat embarrassed about.

(It also features a great scene at the end as the town full of sin sinks into the ground... during a fight where a bear fights a bull. This movie is awesome.)

Posted by: Patrick at August 3, 2007 11:51 AM

I've never heard of the cartoon Hercules-thing that was mentioned above, but I'd like to throw some love its way. "A centaur named Clompy"? This concept made my side hurt from suppressed laughter for half an hour.

Props also to the lovely defense of The Last Unicorn that was posted earlier, referencing the awesomeness of Angela Landsbury's performance. I do NOT accept that premise that the movie is a guilty pleasure because it's well-loved and rightly so. Nonetheless, the eloquent treatise was a great read.

Posted by: just me at August 3, 2007 12:02 PM

"My secret shame: I own and love You've Got Mail."

Julie -- Me too! Also on my list is Dirty Dancing and While You Were Sleeping. Love 'em!

Les~

Posted by: Les~ at August 3, 2007 12:08 PM

"Other gems: "Paint, don't tickle", and "The Police came" uttered brilliantly by Alexander Gudonov, should have secured him as many comedic roles as he desired. Whatever happened to him?"

Sadly, chachaheels, he died 18th May 1995 in West Hollywood, of acute alcohol syndrome.
I loved him in Die Hard....

Posted by: tarn at August 3, 2007 12:57 PM

Gotta second the: Rock, Cutting Edge, and You've Got Mail.

Three Ninjas guy - I've got a better one for you: Surf Ninjas. Rob Schneider. Leslie Nielsen. Made up island in the Pacific. Nunchuks. Need I say more?

Posted by: Rachel at August 3, 2007 1:00 PM

Joe Versus The Volcano is "guilty?" Blasphemy!

Posted by: Rob at August 3, 2007 1:23 PM

Casper the friendly ghost.... i used to pretend i was christina ricci in the scene where Casper turns into the amazingly delicious Devon Sawa, and i would occasionally kiss the tv screen. mmmm bad acting....

Posted by: Kate at August 3, 2007 1:25 PM

OK, wikkid late posting here, so feel free to ignore me.
A LOT of the movies listed seem to be "guilty" only in that it is uncool among the uber-hip to enjoy the film (You've Got Mail was very poular, for example, even if it is dorky), or else it was a movie explicitly designed to be a sneaky treat (ie: Bring It On), thereby disqualifying it.

I have an inexplicable adoration for not only Beastmaster, but also Clash of the Titans. To my knowledge, neither set out to be a camp classic, nor to be funny, but there they are. They are awful, but I don't know how secretly shameful it is to enjoy them, since they have become sort of cult classics since they were made. I do love Harry Hamlin in a codpiece, fighting off the deadly green eyes of Medusa, then using her head to slay.. Oh never mind.

Oh! I just read up and saw someone mentioned Space Camp. You win. That is truly the best secret shame of all time. I loooove that movie. "Whip me, beat, me take away my credit cards, We've got NASA!!!" And I cheered aloud.
I may have cried a little by the end, too, but I am not ready to admit to that yet.

Posted by: go big red at August 3, 2007 1:31 PM

And they call the wind MARIA! M!A!R!I!A! Yes, they call they wind Maria. Whoa Patrick, I am switching my vote. You win! Hands down, you killed the competition with a singing (?) Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin.

Posted by: rudy at August 3, 2007 1:35 PM

Cool World.

I was 14. Brad Pitt. Gabriel Byrne. Cartoons. _So sexy_

Posted by: kim at August 3, 2007 1:50 PM

Freaky Friday. the one with...you know.

yep

Posted by: susan at August 3, 2007 3:25 PM

Tales From the Crypt Presents Demon Knight. It is awful in every conceivable way, yet I love love LOVE it!

Posted by: allie at August 3, 2007 3:42 PM

Oh my god Kate, we must have been seperated at birth. I love Casper the Friendly Ghost. I watch it all the time. I love it when Casper goes to his old room, with that little train on the wall by the ceiling!

Posted by: Agent Scully at August 3, 2007 3:56 PM

I have a VHS of Casper. You know, the giant plastic Disney kind? Yeah...I have all kinds of movies on VHS that are too craptacular to justify buying on DVD, and yet I must watch them or perish. This is the sole reason I still own a VCR. The remote broke a couple years ago, and now I have a Spongebob Squarepants VCR remote that I got for $1 at a garage sale.

Posted by: Sarina at August 3, 2007 5:16 PM

NORTH: the greatest 90's kid's movie (a shamefully delightful genre) of them all. It boasts the bizarre pairing of those two people from Seinfeld for no reason, an evil smart kid, more wacky racial stereotypes than all the Tintin comics combined, gratuitous shots of Elijah Wood's ass, and Bruce Willis IN A BUNNY SUIT. The scene where North rants about his "most private crevice" and uses the word "crack" about 20 times in 5 minutes is incredible.

VIVA EL NORTE!

Posted by: um at August 3, 2007 6:21 PM

From the age of seven until...oh, twelve (maybe fourteen) my absolute favorite at the video store was Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken. More respectable movie viewers will remember Gabrielle Anwar as the woman that danced with Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman, but I'll always know her as the amazing carnival horse diver. The best part of the film might be the sweet cowboy jacket with beaded leather worn by the gruff old man who runs the carnival show. Also, she falls in love with gruff old man's son, and then goes blind in a freak horse diving accident and then learns to dive again!!! She jumps onto a horse speeding up a ramp and into a big tub of water and she's freakin BLIND! It's beautiful.

Posted by: Marie at August 3, 2007 6:27 PM

The Teahouse of the August Moon - featuring Glenn Ford, Marlon Brando as a Japanese interpreter named Sakini and a character (geisha?) whose name is Lotus Blossom.

Posted by: a at August 3, 2007 7:27 PM

i LOVE hocus pocus. hahahahaa
gets me everytime. it's like a halloween tradition for me.

also does EVERYONE here love you've got mail??? (i do too, but seriously, do we all harbor a secret love for it??) teehee

Posted by: hannah at August 3, 2007 8:05 PM

I don't love You've Got Mail. I don't even like it. I'm not gonna knock anybody else for loving it, though, except to say that I don't have time for the mediocre level of bad to which it aspires. I'm too busy watching crap like Summer Magic, in which Burl Ives sings a song to Hayley Mills entitled, "The Ugly Bug Ball."

Posted by: Sarina at August 3, 2007 9:56 PM

There should be no shame in liking Grease 2, or for liking it more than the original Grease. I watched it every single day, at the tender age of 7 (and no one could convince me that the song was called Reproduction not Preproduction) and it shaped my life. When I played Barbie, I re-enacted the movie (my Barbie had a cool hot-pink motorbike) and her name was always Stephanie Zinoni. And I had the soundtrack on tape -- listened to it all the bloody time.

H.M. has to go to Overboard -- when they're playing it 5000 times a day on TBS, I can't help but stop and watch.

Posted by: Jack's Mom at August 3, 2007 10:31 PM

I was so excited to see "Practical Magic" on the list! Man, I love that movie. It's so... inane. And "Space Camp" too.

But I think I'm honestly alone in my singular guilty pleasure (far guiltier than my love for "Showgirls" and of watching "Ever After" repeatedly just for Anjelica Huston) which is "Scissors".

"Scissors". I don't know what to say about it. It's awful. It's just... terrible. It makes no sense at all and looks like some sort of high school stage production committed to film by an over-eager AV Club geek. I just can't help it, I love Sharon Stone. I've seen the worst movies thanks to her. But something about "Scissors" is mesmerizing. (*SPOILERS*, not that anybody will ever watch this movie...) I love that there are characters introduced who literally just drop out of the movie (the wheelchair-bound twin brother and the brunette girlfriend), plot lines that just end (the wheelchair-bound brother can walk), and the fact that Sharon plays a mid-twenties doll-collecting virgin traumatized by memories of a pig-faced puppet who ends up imprisoned in a faux show home with a dead body and a bird. I've seen it... um, too many times and I still can't tell you what the hell is going on in it. But I know I love it.

I'm sorry Brain. And Good Taste. I do apologize.

Posted by: VampireNomad at August 3, 2007 10:41 PM

So I'm a few days late posting this and I doubt that anyone is even going to read it but I had to indulge this chance to admit to my guiltiest pleasure.....

DRAGONHEART

I first saw it on HBO when I was 15 and it played ALL weekend and I watched it ALL weekend. It's what made me fall in love with Sean Connery as the voice of Drago the dragon. It's the stupidest movie ever and I love it to death. It has so many people that I have come to love in the worst roles of their careers, but what can I say? It's gold. Pete Posteltheaite as Brother Gilbert shooting the wooden dummy first in the head and then in the crotch the first time he picks up a bow and arrow? Classic!

"I merely chewed in self defense, but I never swallowed."
-Draco the dragon in response to an accusation from Bowen that he ate a knight.

Posted by: SashaCA2 at August 3, 2007 11:13 PM

For your consideration: DC Cab

Consider the talent in this movie. We've got Wojo from Barney Miller running a crappy cab company. I wonder why they're having problems? Perhaps because under his employment we have: Mr. T, Bill Maher wearing a piano scarf, Roz from Night Court, Paul Rodriguez before he was popular (and then subsequently unpopular) and an absurdly coked out Busey. Toss in the tough guy from My Bodyguard and you've got quite a talent stew brewing.

Mix in some Joel Schumacher magic (not even his worst movie! Thank you Batman and Robin) and what you have is pure 80's ensemble poetry.

Did I mention there is a flamethrower scene? Flamethrowers are badass.

Posted by: Troy at August 3, 2007 11:14 PM

The Cutting Edge, Doc Hollywood, The Secret of My Success and Fletch Lives, should be enough to hang myself for.

Posted by: richmac at August 3, 2007 11:23 PM

"The Three Ninjas."

Hands down. I had it on VHS untill one of my friends stole it. It shamelessly steals the booby-trapped house idea from "Home Alone," but I think it actually does it better. I'm going to pretend that it's sequels don't exist.

"Rocky loves Emily! Rocky loves Emily!"

Posted by: KatyBelle at August 4, 2007 12:04 AM

I needed to get this out of my system...

"Toepick!"

I'll go now.

Posted by: Meander at August 4, 2007 12:12 AM

*Sigh* You guys are really taking me back with all of these movies. I've seen and love like 90% of them.

My dad (R.I.P.) looooooved The Fifth Element. I still don't quite know why, not that I don't like it. My mom likes Pratical Magic. I have to go with Night of The Comet, which I just saw on DVD at Best Buy! Clueless is another fav. Beetlejuice ("You don't need to talk to Barbara, just say it!")
As far as horror movies go, Nightmare on Elm Street and Re-Animator. It dosen't matter what time of day it is or what part it's on, I will stop and watch NOES. I like to watch Re-Animator with the commentary on. The actors are so funny, Jeffrey Combs especially. My brother and I used to love watching Last Action Hero and Mortal Kombat. Made in America, remember that movie?! With Whoopie Goldberg, Nia Long, Will Smith and Ted Danson!

Did anyone say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Go ninja, go ninja go!).

I think with alot of these movies I don't necessarily know all the lines, but I do know all of the scenes. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or not at knowing that Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham went for the part of Jet Girl in Tank Girl.

Posted by: B at August 4, 2007 2:53 AM

Oh, I forgot another one. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka. Definite classic.

Posted by: B at August 4, 2007 2:55 AM

This is embarassing to admit but. . .

Braveheart.

I know it won an Oscar when it came out, so it's obviously not a guilty pleasure for a lot of people, but. . . I'm a History major specializing in British/Scottish history. I could list at least thirty things wrong with that movie off of the top of my head, but the real amazing thing about it is that it's the continuation of a very long tradition of popular (if misinformed) artistic representations of Scottish 'culture' from the sympathetic outsider's point of view. It's all there: kilts and woad when they'd have been wearing full medieval armour; amazing virility and sexual prowess; rugged, a little animalistic, but dedicated and purehearted manly appeal; strong emphasis placed on the importance of brotherhood and kinship.

If I told anyone in any of my classes about this, I'd be a total pariah. Braveheart is basically the bane of any Scottish history student's existence, and yet I can't get enough of it! Even if they totally messed up basically every fact they could have verified, and attempted to destroy the reputation of Robert the Bruce who was a real life badass. . . there's just something about it. Sappy... music...corny dialogue... little children giving each other thistles... IT HAS A LOT OF HEART OKAY.

Don't tell my professors!

Posted by: Heather S at August 4, 2007 3:03 AM

And since someone up thread mentioned "Three Ninjas". . . my other favourite from that era would definitely have to be "Surf Ninjas"! It and three ninjas were two of my brother and I's favourite tv-taped betamaxes as kids. C'mon, the kid with the sega handheld who could use videogames to see the future!? Rob Schneider as the funny-haired annoying omnipresent neighbour? Leslie Nielson as an evil Samurai!?!?!?

Posted by: Heather S at August 4, 2007 3:08 AM

Damn you, Stacie! Now I'm going to have "A-a-a-all around the world, the same song!" and the smell of steamed hot dogs assaulting my brain for about the next three weeks.

My craptastic contribution to this discussion would have to be Cocktail, starring Tom Cruise before he was a complete tool. Or maybe he's always been a complete tool, he was just very cleverly camouflaged by cute hair and gloriously shallow 80s materialism. But hell if I didn't want to be Elizabeth Shue, the misunderstood artist with her perm and her rich daddy, frolicking in that Jamacian waterfall. I like to think of Cocktail as the poor cousin of The Secret of My Success.

Posted by: WhinyDancer at August 4, 2007 8:42 AM

My friend told me about this list, and while I've only read 1/4 of the entries, I must speak:

1. Dot & the Kangaroo

2. The Last Unicorn (rock on my fellow lovers!)

3. Any rom-com with Jennifer Garner. Okay?

4. Under the Tuscan Sun

5. Grease 2

6. Xanadu

7. Flash Gordon

8. [here's an obscure one] Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, with all the BeeGees and Alice Cooper and Earth, Wind, and Fire and SO MANY OTHERS OH GOD I'VE TRULY NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT MY LOVE FOR THIS MOVIE.

9. While not a movie...The Ghost Whisperer. Between J. Love's boobies and her half-nudie husband running around I cannot and will not stop viewing. Had to get that off my heaving chest.

10. Streets of Fire. I love you Michael Pare!!

11. Eddie & the Cruisers + the sequel. Pare!!

12. Hope Floats. Pare!! Connick!! Bullock!!

Posted by: MadderHatter at August 4, 2007 9:42 AM

Well, I guess I'm just going to take a deep breath and say it:

Jawbreaker, with Rose McGowan. No comment

but also...

10 things I hate about you... I know, I should burn in hell for this but something about this movie is so great that I've seen it 8 times. I mean, it's got the young Heath Ledger as a long-haired rebel! Joseph Gordon Levitt dating the same girl he dated in Third rock from the sun (which I also totally love, but I don't know if I have to feel ashamed about it)! It even has some modern and very original high school poetry! Call me cheesy but I get a really warm feeling inside every time Heath and Julia Stiles have that porch conversation...

Man, I think I'm going to spend my afternoon in front of my tv..

Posted by: FrouFrou at August 4, 2007 9:58 AM

I not only own The Cutting Edge, but I watch it with (God help me) Ice Castles. Which I have to watch on vhs.

Posted by: demondoll at August 4, 2007 10:38 AM

Space Jam. So...When I was in high school this movie came out, and I was babysitting a little girl who would only watch it over and over again, glued to the screen. And no matter how many times I watched, I couldn't get sick of it.

Also, honorable mention, Sorority Boys. I can't help it, Michael Rosenbaum in drag is strangly compelling.

Posted by: Amelia at August 4, 2007 11:14 AM

"Joe vs the Volcano: Guilty? Blasphemy!"

Rob, you validate me. But the world is a strange and terrible place...Perhaps someday I will be able to openly and proudly display my love for this movie. But not in the harsh, anti-orange sodite culture of today.

Posted by: Brin at August 4, 2007 11:42 AM

*The Babysitter's Club Movie; with Rachel Leigh Cook and the girl from "The Secret World of Alex Mac." The Babysitters Club series on HBO was a guilty pleasure for me, as well.

*Stick It; it gets me pumped for my workouts to see cut girls doing their thing on the uneven bars.

*Hocus Pocus

*Casper

*Little Giants

*Spice World

*She's All That

Posted by: Sarah at August 4, 2007 11:55 AM

Ok, this is hard---Little Lord Fauntleroy made for t.v.! Starring Ricky Shroeder and Sir Alec Guinness.My annual guilty holiday pleasure--it just slays me.

Posted by: vanessa at August 4, 2007 1:12 PM

Just one word- Mannequin. Does anyone remember that movie? Hell, I don't even know the names of the vehicle's "stars", but you have a mannequin who's really a princess and also the victim of dirty witch's vendetta- we know this because the movie flashes back to some vague period in, presumably, the middle ages and gives us a glimpse of the lovely princess, assuring us that she was in no way to blame for her conversion to plastic dummy (um, did they HAVE plastic in the middle ages.....?).

Anyway, the princess-cum-manneqin ends up in a high-end department store where a Tom Hanks-type falls in love with her (?!?!) and, with the help of his ridiculously stereotypical department store clothier/friend, frees the mannequin from her plastic confines. The utterly absurd closing scene could be one of my all-time favorites- the two lovers float away in a hot air balloon as "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now!" gushes in the background.

I don't own the movie, but in the rare occasion that it's on, I will stop what I'm doing and watch it in its entirety. I think I'm too spent from the recap to justify the movie's appeal. It's illogical, insane, and basically Splash set in Bloomingdales, and I love it. That is all.

Posted by: Becca at August 4, 2007 4:45 PM

Lets face it. I do agree with the Robin Hood Men in Tights. i find myself singing the "Men In Tights" theme song for no apparent reason. I do enjoy anything from mel brooks so his entire oeuvre is my "guilty pleasure". Oh and that damn Center Stage...why lord, why?!!

Posted by: nashia at August 4, 2007 5:31 PM

Oh Cookie,

I don't know if you'll ever see this, but if you do, I'll be only a memory away.

Posted by: M at August 4, 2007 5:32 PM

I AM NOT ASHAMED OF LOVING the following:
Bring it On, Howard the Duck, Fifth Element, Mannequin, Legend, Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja, Beast-Master, Evolution, Freeway, Waterboy, Galaxy Quest, Big Business, The Craft, Ace Ventura I & II Little Shop of Horrows or Splash.

However, I will admit to a certain amount of shame for liking Warlock - "My name is Kassandra with a K" and the Chronicles of Riddick. In defense of the latter I've got only this to say. Vin Diesel's voice gets me hot!

Posted by: rose no thorns at August 4, 2007 6:30 PM

OMG... I cannot believe this, but since you all have been so forthright, I simply must spill the beans:

1. Flash Gordon. The 1980 version with Sam Jones as Flash, a pre-James Bond Timothy Dalton in what appeared to be an elf outfit, and music by QUEEN. Motherfucking QUEEN!!

2. Oh Heavenly Dog. Chevy Chase dies and is sent back as Benji to protect Jane Seymour before she was the Medicine Woman. One of the first movies I ever saw on HBO, and I always liked the Paul McCartney tune at the beginning ("Arrow Straight Through Me").

3. The Outsiders. The Pantheon of 1980's boy hotties. You had Swayze. Dillon. Lowe. Howell. Garrett. Cruise (pre-Scientology). Macchio. The greasers vs. the soc's and of course those rich bastards always won, but the greasers went down cool. Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

4. Rocky III. Mister fucking T. NUFF SAID.

5. History of the World Part I. That goddamn Inquisition song is still in my head. And it still cracks me up.

Bonuses: "Clash of the Titans," "Road House," "The Prophecy," "Meatballs," and "The Patsy." Yes, it's a Jerry Lewis movie. Piss off.

Posted by: PMD at August 4, 2007 7:58 PM

Oh man I'm so glad you did this! Anyway, I have this thing for 80s and 90s vampire films, starting with Fright Night, Once Bitten, The Lost Boys, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Blade, etc...but only the old ones. The Lost Boys in particular is hilarious because it features the Coreys, and for some reason the production people made Corey Haim out to be straight up gay as anything, if you haven't noticed, he is wearing a "Born To Shop" shirt and has posters of half-naked men on his wall in his room. It must have been an even huger joke on set that he didn't even notice. Gay undertones aside I personally love the band playing at the boardwalk because of the huge greasy guy playing the sax and jiggling his waist. Cut to Michael and his brother looking at each other like he was the hottest piece of male ass in the entire concert. Ok it's the 80s I know, but the fashion sense alone and the hotness that is Keifer Sutherland cannot be ignored...he makes a sexy ass vampire!

Posted by: ph at August 4, 2007 8:00 PM

Damn it, I also have to add Warlock (thanks, Rose) simply for reminding me that Julian Sands was such a hottie. Oh, and "Witchboard." Ouija Board movie. My sister and I turn it into almost a Mystery Science Theater event when we watch it.

Posted by: PMD at August 4, 2007 8:01 PM

OMFG, Troy, I had TOATLLY forgotten about DC Cab, which is amazing, since I've only saw it about 30 times as a kid. Now all these other movies of childhood are coming back...Bachelor Party, Car Wash, History of the World... Dude, thanks for the smile.

Posted by: ohgrl at August 5, 2007 12:52 AM

BTW, Anyone remember Blind Date with Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis? Man, it was huge when it came out, but I don't think anyone involved with it would ever confess to being in it today. It was OK (i love me some John Laroquette), but it's no DC Cab.

Posted by: ohgrl at August 5, 2007 12:54 AM

i am SO late on this, but my biggest, guiltiest pleasure is 'the new guy'. i LOVE it. i've seen it at least 15 times.

Posted by: juliagulia at August 5, 2007 1:28 AM

The Ladies Man. I've seen it at least 30 times, because it was on the canadian movie channel while I was in college. I know very few other people who've actually seen it, but trust me, it's worth it. In spite of the fact that when I say I like it people just give me a quizzical look with one eyebrow raised. It has Tim Meadows in a houseboat with a circular bed, unable to stop talking about sex, and hitting on women by asking if he can buy them "a tuna fish sandwich". His lisp is fucking irresistible. There's also a closeted-gay Will Ferrell trying to put oil on him and leading an angry lynch mob of cuckolds to hunt down The Ladies Man. It does manage to be semi-serious at one point, but you like the character and his overwhelming niceness so much that you can't help but get emotionally involved in it. In the end, it just has a big, glowy, filled with good-will fantasy feel to it that makes it a lot better than anyone would think. And then you will react better when I try to get in your pants using the tuna fish sandwich line.

Posted by: Eric Holt at August 5, 2007 11:10 AM

I thought mine had already been taken - but thankfully, the "Hard Target" posted by LauraP up there is actually (judging by the awesome-sounding plot synopsis) "Knock-Off" . . . which I'm now going to put on my rental list.

Anyway, the ACTUAL "Hard Target," which also stars JCVD - here with plausible excuse for his accent: He's a Cajun, named Chance Boudreaux! - who helps big-city gal Yanci Butler (I've never actually seen it, but I have friends who rave about the delicious cheesiness of "Witchblade") out of a tight jam in a honky-tonk and then agrees to help her find her Vietnam Vet father who is being hunted for sport by some very bad dudes in the wrong part o' the Big Easy (the plot is apparently lifted directly from "The Most Dangerous Game").

Okay, so there's also a way over-the-top performance by Wilford Brimley (at the height of his Quaker Oats game) as a kee-razy Cajun (with a kee-razy accent) who lives in a shack full of Mardi-Gras costumes (if I remember correctly). Bad Euro-villains engage in quite a lot of bow-hunting violence . . . and I think there is a sequence on ATVs. All awesome.

Here's what makes it the greatest guilty pleasure of ALL TIME: it's directed by John Woo! So it actually IS awesome AND horrible at the same time. "Don't hunt what you can't kill" - C'mon!

Posted by: Kelly Nicoll at August 5, 2007 1:04 PM

I would just like to state that I am currently watching Sylvester, which came via Netflix yesterday afternoon, and it's all thanks to you bastards. My Netflix queue is also even more ridiculous AND ridiculously long than it was a couple of days ago.

Posted by: Sarina at August 5, 2007 2:28 PM

Oh Jeez, I came up with another I love and hate and watch whenever it is on: Cadet Kelly, the Disney made for tv movie with Hilary Duff. It is a tween-ish version of Private Benjamin. So delightfully terrible. Oh and I also liked Ella Enchanted.

Posted by: Al at August 5, 2007 4:51 PM

I love this freaking website. I really do. Don't Tell Mom.... Cutting Edge.... The Burbs.... Don't Tell Her Its Me.... Legend of Billie Jean... High fucking Spirits.... so many ofmy favorites, they're all here. I.... I just love you guys, man. You know? I just... yeah.

Posted by: Hattie at August 5, 2007 5:09 PM

So normally I consider myself someone who views films from an intellectual perspective. I hate most stand-in male leads (don't get me started on Matthew McConaughey's smug face or early Leonardo DiCaprio's method of squinting to show emotion) but I have a soft spot for the utterly-indefensible Mrs. Winterbourne (1996). Yes, that movie with Brendan Fraiser and Rikki Lake that barely even makes it onto daytime tv. I've watched it through. Several times and have even looked for it in video stores that have refused to carry it. There is something lovable about the gay hispanic butler. Oh, and that overall idea of love overcoming, well, Rikki Lake's crassness. Is it wrong to like a chick-flick? One with Brendan Fraiser and failed talk-show host?

...yeah okay, stop judging me already.

Posted by: Jess at August 5, 2007 9:16 PM

Oh yeah, Joe vs. the Volcano is freaking fabulous. It starts out in a damned prosthetic testicle factory!!

Posted by: Eric Holt at August 5, 2007 11:17 PM

Two of my favouritest movies ever, both of which I own on VHS, and one of which I own on DVD (with the second having been ordered and on its way 3 days ago) are a tie, but you'll understand why when you see what they are:

Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter.

I LOVES me the cheesy attempts to turn video games into movies. Hell, I even like the Super Mario Brothers movie. But I'm a sucker for horrid one-liners, which both of these movies have in abundance. And not only that, how can you not love something that tries SO HARD to connect to its original medium? Hearing actors try their fucking hardest to make dialogue that sounds bad even in a videogame sound as realistic as possible in real life? Raul Julia's booming "Game... OVER!!!" and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa's thunderous "It has begun!" are so heartfelt. This is ACTING.

Plus, Kylie Minogue is in Street Fighter. Lawl.

So good.

Posted by: Lyric at August 5, 2007 11:55 PM

Oh. My. God. This is an awesome post.
I can honestly say that I enjoyed the movie "Surf Ninjas." Ernie Reyes Jr. finds out that he and his little brother are actually Potusani royalty (Potusan = made up island that looks like a cross between Vietnam and Thailand) and their kingdom has been taken over by a power-crazy dictator and they must regain the throne! It was on the other day and I nearly wept with joy since my VHS copy of it was lost when I moved. And "Camp Nowhere"! I WANTED THAT SUMMER so badly I could taste it.
And I second whoever said "Goodburger." I mean, come on - Sinbad trapped in the 70s, Abe Vigoda working at Goodburger, the awesomely fake looking burgers at the end of the movie... it had it all, man. Had it all.
And yes, I enjoyed "The Fast and the Furious," "Shallow Hal," and "Two Weeks Notice" as well. And somehow manage to sleep at night.

Posted by: Steph at August 6, 2007 12:47 AM

Clueless. Hands down. Love.

I've always been a literature nerd and I was the only one of my ten-year-old friends who watched that movie and knew it was Jane Austen's [u]Emma[/u] on pixie stix. Beyond that, I don't really know why I love it so much. I just forgive everything that's wrong with it and enjoy it.

Posted by: Kevin at August 6, 2007 1:11 AM

Oh man, I totally loved Camp Nowhere also. My friend and I used to watch it all the time. I have it on vhs still! "Money Mud! Money Mud!"

Posted by: Erin at August 6, 2007 9:23 AM

I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one with love for Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band! I LOVE this movie and watched it over and over and over as a child. I didn't see it again for about 10 years and then recently got it from Netflix. . . this is embarrassing, but I cried during the "Golden Slumbers" medley.

Posted by: Ellen at August 6, 2007 11:21 AM

Most of these posts are guilty pleasures..sure there is some embarassment about liking these films but shame? No here is my Shameful film and I haven't seen much to top it here.
Hot dog the movie.

Use the Joe Bob Briggs scale.

Posted by: ikalvan2003 at August 6, 2007 11:41 AM

So who won?

Posted by: Brian at August 6, 2007 1:13 PM

The sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. (I'm an adult, there is no excuse)

Bicentenial Man

The Wedding Planner

The Age of Innocence (which, granted, it won an Oscar but for photography...)

Evita (and I HATE Madonna).

Posted by: courtney at August 6, 2007 1:42 PM

get over it
bride and prejudice
john tucker must die

Posted by: cait at August 6, 2007 5:14 PM

I have two movies that I am very shameful for owning and watching on a consistent basis.

1.)RAD - A playful 80's about BMX racing in line with Karate Kid. Mega-Smurf-a-rific bonus points for Lori Loughlin's sexy BMX bike dance with co-star bad boy Cru Jones.

2.)Time Bandits - lots of little people running around through time and mixing it up with famous peoples.. endless fun. I must have watched this 1000 times and it never makes much sense but something about that relaxes me and tells me that everything is going to be ok.

Posted by: Brandon at August 6, 2007 5:19 PM

Just a comment from a little country in Europe- all the posts are hilarious, can't stop laughing!
My favorite shame movies are Pillow Talk, The Mummy (an it's return) and Steel Magnolias....
Don't know if it's allowed to mention some tv series.. but I bought a dvd collection of HE Man cartoonsfor my 7 year old... andI'm watching it as well!!!ps) Love Xanadu also!!!

Posted by: shannon at August 6, 2007 5:40 PM

1) Ice Castles
So stupid, and so sappy and yet you can't help but love it.
2) Mean Girls
Examines today's slut culture in such a pitch perfect way.
3)Music and Lyrics
Hey, I loved it. It was just fluffy fun that was cute.
4)Cat in the Hat
I laughed, more then once. And while it was stupid, some of the jokes were good. But a total bastardization of the book.
5)13 Going on 30
Jen is cute, the movie is basically Big for girls and yet it's so sweet and bubbly that you can't hate it.

Posted by: Ben at August 6, 2007 6:33 PM

Hey melladior and raeven, I'm with you on The Craft. Sooooo addictive.

My other secret shame is Madhatters suggestion, Eddie and the Cruisers. Actually, any movie with Joe Pantoliano in it, except maybe the Matrix films, which I can't abide.

Man, I didn't even know there was a sequel to E&TC. Must seek it out!

Posted by: rocky at August 6, 2007 8:27 PM

Strictly Ballroom.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Poison Ivy.

and...

finally...

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.

Posted by: Alexandra at August 7, 2007 1:30 AM

jawbreaker is often in my DVD player, and i also HEART the soundtrack. i'm not really as ashamed of this as i ought to be

Posted by: jessie-marie at August 7, 2007 12:15 PM

1. You've Got Mail. It's either a terrible movie or a terribly awesome movie. I can't be sure. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are some kind of freaky, well-oiled romantic comedy machine, and I have a weakness for Pride & Prejudice rehashes. And how can someone resist Parker Posey, Dave Chappelle, Greg Kinnear, Steve Zahn, that girl from Miss Congeniality, and... Archie Bunker's wife?

2. Fly Away Home. My tweleve-year-old self is still in love with like Anna Paquin and Anna Paquin's nose ring and Jeff Daniels' crazy dad hair and the geese and Canada and that damn Mary Chapin Carpenter song. I was never actually ashamed of this one until I saw The Squid and the Whale.

3. SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2. I really don't have anything to say for myself.

4. Stick It. In my defense, that girl is hot and the gymnastics montages were kind of cool-looking.

Posted by: jess. at August 7, 2007 1:50 PM

I'm so late to the party, but I don't think Last Unicorn is to be ashamed of. There are literally a million other recent Hollywood kid flicks filled with fart jokes that are much, much worse.

So yeah, count me and my 6 year old daughter in the club too... ;)

Posted by: madmaxmedia at August 7, 2007 6:37 PM

O.k., someone else may have been deemed the winner but I must salute the Pajiban who gave my sister and me our new in-family joke. We were talking on the phone when we simultaneously blurted out "A centaur named Clompy". Think about it. What could not be improved by the addition of the character of a centaur named Clompy? That small addition alone would save so many otherwise dreadful creations.

My sister and I laughed so hard that we both developed stiches in our sides. My partner and her husband do not (refuse) to understand but that makes it all the better.

We're getting T-shits made for the family reunion. This concept must n