Pajiba

lol @ dustin fried movies

Sounds like Denzel saved another already-done story.

Well if Denzel doesn't warm the cockles of your soul then perhaps you never had one, I always say.

but this time of year I really cling to my "intellectual-specialness" and a Scotch to weather all the tinsel and tack!

rental.

This review so perfectly sums up my feeling on the movie. I went to the NY premiere all ready to snag some free food and booze and then leave early once the movie got too schmaltzy. But damn if the movie didn't suck me in.

Dustin you done fucked up everything, I was up all night writing and re-writing my hate filled rebuttal of your review of this movie. I was hoping and praying you would give this movie a bad review so I would have some shit to complain about, thanks for nothing Dustin.

So, in other words:

In a year where the most technically successful light-hearted film was an indie comedy oozing with hipsterness about teen pregnancy, Oprah may have produced her way to a Best Picture nomination at the Oscars?

Son of a bitch.

And I want to see it so bad it's not even funny.

That's two feel good movies in a row that you've liked, Dustin. First August Rush and now this.... are you taking medication or something?

Because I am an absolute sucker for inspiring underdog stories (especially if they come with rousing and possibly tear jerking speeches) I am already dying to see this. And that upsets me because there's very little I hate more than having my heartstrings willfully manipulated.

I can feel myself misting up at the premise already.

Stupid emotional blackmail. Stupid misty eyes at people overcoming adversity. Stupid sexy Denzel Washington.

I know I'm probably alone around here, but goddamit, my white male ass loves The Oprah. I do. Oh, how I do.

"Denzel Whitaker"? That's awesome. I can't wait for Robert DePacino. Maybe Dustin Seymour Hoffman. I want to keep going, but for the sake of everyone, I'll stop.

Isn't this, like, word for word the review for August Rush? Why does Pajiba even allow Dustin to review gloppy movies anymore? It's just frustrating for everyone because the "I wanted to hate it but couldn't" rhetoric is clearly disingenuous....these movies are so hateable that anyone who says "I couldn't hate" is not really trying. Which, whatever, people like what they like, but could we at least get a disclaimer? Like:

DISCLAIMER: Dustin Rowles does not have discriminating taste. He cried at the death of Bambi's mother, at the death of Simba's father, and also when Mary Poppins flew up into the clouds. His bookshelves are filled with Oprah picks and chick lit standards (tearsplotched). Under his bed, you will find Babysitter's Club books, mostly the ones starring Mary Anne and her cute, cute kitten Tigger (also tearsplotched). This man is the opposite of both scathing and bitchy, but he'll curse a bit to sound like the "funny asshole" that he wishes he were.

Well... At least the black people are saving each other in this one. ::wink::

My dad grew up in Marshall and went to Wiley, so my family *has* to see this on General Principle. He's in the hospital, so the rest of us are going to see it in the theater, pay for his ticket, then pick up the bootleg so he can watch it on my laptop. I think that's fair, don't you?

Thank you, Georgia. No one in the office understands why I'm laughing.

Didn't Dustin just have a kid?

It's been my experience that after that (at least for the first few months) even the manliest of males are suddenly awake to magic, teddy bears, watching kids be enchanted by anything--including but not limited to Elmo, that dastardly demon muppet-- and Lifetime Movie Network.

No shame in it, bud. Just be prepared for the jokes.

Does anyone else remember the OTHER debate movie that could? Listen to Me? Starring Jamie Gertz and Kirk Cameron? With a stirring supporting performance by Roy Scheider? No? The anti-abortion one? Still no? I guess I'm the only one . . .

Dustin, pleeeaaasse review the Jessica Simpson almost direct to dvd (slight detour through Texas theaters) Blonde Ambition. It will make you feel so much better.

You fell for Denzel's hypnotic charms. There's no shame.

"Take your feel-good, bullshit movie and shove it up your ass, lady "

Amen to that.

I really would like to know who exactly Popeye had to blow to shoehorn this HBO docudrama into the Best Picture race at the Globes. I thought she only liked girl-on-girl action.

Had to use West Virginia. Couldn't have used Arkansas, Mississippi or Kentucky. Well, I hadn't had an occasion to stereotype all New Yorkers as assholes in, like, hours, so thanks for that.

So, at what point in the movie does the cast break into "We are the Titans, the Mighty, Mighty Titans"?

That was my favorite part of the original film.

Shouldn't this film be an ABC After-School Special?

Why is it wasting theater screens from JUNO and THERE WILL BE BLOOD?

::sigh::

Denzel has three stock characters:

Earnest guy.

Bad shirt intense guy.

Government agent intense and earnest sunglass wearing guy.(he may or may not wear bad shirts on his day off)

What I want to know is why they changed the champion debate team from USC to Harvard? Not that I'm a fan of California schools, but it seems odd. A touch of that over dramatization, perhaps?

Pinkcheese - my theory that celebs only attend/movies only include schools recognized by the moviegoing public continues to stand the test of time. Heaven forbid the "smart kids" in a movie attend a non-Ivy League undergraduate institution.

This from an interview with Denzel:

Washington found it important to instill in the players the same passion, preparedness, and confidence of the famous 1935 team.

"They weren't intimidated. They were prepared," he said of the historic team. "This is a movie so there are big dramatic strokes in it, but the fact of the matter was that when they got up on that stage and went against anyone, they were not intimidated by anyone. In our film, we changed [who they beat]. I wanted it to be Harvard, when in fact the national champions were USC.

Pinkcheese, the answer to your question is Havard is a beacon of light in these dark times that have engulfed the Collegiate Eductional System. And USC is not.

That's all true, I suppose. (I wonder if we'll get any riled up USC-ers defending their school?) It just seemed like a petty change in a "Based On A TRUE!!!!! Story" movie. Not that it matters, since I fell in love with Denzel in Glory, and will watch him in anything, even the bizzare time travel one, that I can never remember the name of...

Shouldn't this film be an ABC After-School Special?

Why is it wasting theater screens from JUNO and THERE WILL BE BLOOD?

Isn't Juno the equivalent of an after-school special with snappier dialogue and a cool score? I mean, since we're comparing films....

Pinkcheese, while having attended both USC and Harvard, I can say without a doubt that Harvard is better.

I see Samatha T and Pookie's sides in the "Why not USC?" question.
As a UCLA kid myself, I hate to rush to the defense of USC, but I can't help but agree that it is indeed a "petty change."
Other schools, good schools, do exist besides the big H and big Y.

"Seasonal cholesterol disorder" -- LOVE IT!

Pookie, nobody is claiming that USC is as highly-ranked or "better" than Harvard (the horror!). We're merely pointing out that it seems a stupid change to make in adapting the story to the screen - kind of corny, frankly.

Samantha T, I take offence to your feeble attempts at trying to silence me and my Alma mater. Long live Harvard!!!

Harvard man Pookie? I'm shocked.

I always pictured you as a Yale man.

Yes yes Harvard, the culmination of my youthful zeal, and my father's insistence.

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be THAT person. But really, Dustin, proofread. I know this review is one of your less serious ones, but I assume you still wanted people to read it. A whole mess of typos and missing/wrong words ("strips the formula OF some of its clichés") makes that too much of a chore to be worthwhile.

I still don't get the Denzel love. He bores me to /tears/. Stock characters indeed.

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be THAT person. But really, Dustin, proofread. I know this review is one of your less serious ones, but I assume you still wanted people to read it. A whole mess of typos and missing/wrong words ("strips the formula OF some of its clichés") makes that too much of a chore to be worthwhile.

Posted by: GrammarGrump at December 28, 2007 5:05 PM

The balls on this guy!!!

(My Random) Best of Pajiba #1:

How could it not be Vermillion, you of the most gramatically satisfactual writings I've ever had the pleasure of eyeballing.

Even in the most tense of situations (as tense as Pajiba-reading can be) you never fail to give the complete, final, perfect word to your arguments/opinions- I believe you actually spell-check, ninny- and since I've got a few other fine commenters to go I want to share my special story with you now so as not to wear out my buzz before I acknowledge the others:

I can't even remember the review and/or topic at the time; all I remember are the two or so agitators who took exception to your comments, and how they constantly referred to you as a man. Thinking otherwise, I was so looking forward to your reply that "anyhow, I'm a female," because I actually thought I'd read that about you in an earlier post. But I stopped even trying to check when I actually froze in my place realizing it didn't matter a damn bit whether you were male or female, black or white, whatever.. I just wanted to read your next comment (which I don't believe you gave, by the way, and better for you for not responding to such idiots). And I continue to look for them.

You are a fine writer, Clarence, and you are modestly invited to join my list.

(Random) Best of Pajiba #2

Dustin's real-time review of 'Passion of the Christ'. Anyone suffering along with Jesus in this endless celluloid 'guilt trip' for the Christian masses in order to produce a review so devastatingly funny, horrible and stomach-turning at the same time-

That old term "taking one for the team" doesn't begin to describe my admiration for someone who has guaranteed that I will NEVER watch this film. Best heads-up of the year for DVDs/videos you thought you might be ready to handle years after their release - nuh unh, I'll let this one go, thank you.

(Random) Best of Pajiba #3

The 'Blade Runner' DVD review by what's-his-name, wasn't John so-and-so was it?

Anyhoo, it didn't matter whether or not I gave a fresh sh*t about this movie in the first place: the review was so cool and fully comprehensive that it really did complete justice to the film- it was written (by and) for the true fan, and I've re-read it several times. Not that same old filler crap, "groundbreaking," set design, whatever those others fill a paragraph with. I was looking for the beef & that's just what I got.

So thank you, so-and-so.

Sorry I can't remember the reviewer's name, they're all excellent..

Okay moving on...

Our "Blade Runner" virtuoso would be the luscious Ted Boynton. And what an article that was... --RR

(Random) Best of Pajiba #4

BEST 'LOL' OF 2007

So many to choose from, my Pajibamiliars, so please don't feel slighted when I select these particular two- they just hit me at the right time.

First, and funny enough to even respond to, after I'd wiped the milk from my nose, is Barbadoslim's summation of one film review:

"Featuring Nicholas Ca--

PASS!"

(I hope I got that one right)

And one of my faves, Daphne, threw this in after one rant just a week or so ago, and I'm sorry I don't remember the outrage she was responding to, but her first sentence/response was "The hell?" Like you're so friggin' shocked you can't even get the "what" out??! You have to read her comment to really get it- I think I love her.

So many others, including the entire staff, have given me hours of contentment with excellent writing and many laughs. I have a reason to live in 2008.

Claude muthafuker!!!, Claude!!!, not Clarence!!!.

Best of Pajiba #5

ALL OF YOU WHO ARE STILL ON THIS THREAD:

Gigi Worthington: I long for another anti-Bush tirade from you;

socalledonly cousins(?): You are one great writer - rather intimidating, actually - which makes me all the more grateful I'm on your side;

Alex the Odd: I'm old enough to be your father, but I luv you from afar & wish we could share a flat together. Please don't stop writing;

Pookie: You know as well as I do what's been written to (and about) you before - don't ever stop expressing your opinions, because you've enlightened me to things I would never have considered before;

BarbadoSlim: Fuck you and every opinion you've ever had. But please don't stop writing- we need the jerk-off's opinion to balance out all the others. I look forward to many more (or can you take a joke?)

Right now I can't think of everyone else, aside from Samantha T, Ms Bedhead, LitelySalted, Ranylt-- jeez, the list goes on and I'm embarrassed for every great name I left out, since I love you all..

But hell, most of you have moved on anyway. I just had to get some props out for my favorite writers & reviewers of the year, internet or anywhere else. And I made it through without getting too drunk to finish!!

Happy New Year Everyone,
Tony

Drunk or not, it's much appreciated, Tony. Shucks! Happy New Year to you and everyone, too! --RR

Just as I was getting all Holidays-sappy about familiar Pajiban comment themes and commentators, TMax goes all out. I second and add "mad" to those props.

Aw, T-Max. Happy New Year to you as well. Love you, too!

Hee. Not so much regarding the movie itself, but oh, the review! So very much fun to read. Again, I hee.

Aaaaaaaaaw, *wipes tear* fuck you too.

Stand and Deliver
Mr. Holland's Opus
Dangerous Minds
Music of the Heart

Isn't it time to send these crappy formulaic inspiring teacher movies the way of the musical and the western?

Yeah, the reason they picked Harvard is because what sounds more dramatic and impressive? Beating USC at debate, or beating ~*~*~*HARVARD*~*~*~?

C'mon, Denzel can always make a man tear up. I hope there are some good Denyells, my fun word for when he yells, which happens in every film (THIS AINT NO BANK ROBBERY, THEY TRIED TO KILL...MY WIFE...etc).

Ha, Kevin! I'm totally stealing Denyells. He is awesome when he gets indignant (sometimes, righteously).

Hee, nothing warms my heart like a random tribute to Pajiba's greatness. Fine work TMax.