Girl You Know it's True / Uh Uh Uh I Love Pajiba
The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles
It’s like I’ve died and gone to a heaven owned and operated by VH1, a place where Jim Forbes (the narrator of “Behind the Music”) is God and BWE’s Alex Blagg stands guard in front of the pearly gates, dinging plebs like me because I’m not hipster enough to wax poetic about the size of Cisco Adler’s testicles and then flaunt my knowledge of obscure indie bands to shake off the stink of profiteering on Paris Hilton’s orgiastic social life. Indeed, Universal Pictures has started production on a biopic about the lives of Fabrice Morvan and Rob Pilatus, best known as the pop duo Milli Vanilli. According to Variety, the film will be a Catch Me If You Can-style feature focused on the long con the two lip-synchers pulled on the world, selling 11 million albums and winning a Grammy before they were exposed as frauds. So far, no talent has been attached, but Jeff Nathanson (who wrote the aforementioned Catch Me If You Can, Rush Hour 2 and 3, and the fourth Indiana Jones film) has been hired to write the script. And just so this industry item jangles around in your mind for the entirety of your three-day weekend, here are some sample lyrics just to get the ball rolling: “Blame it on the rain (rain) / Blame it on the stars (stars)/ Whatever you do, don’t put the blame on you / Blame it on the rain yeah (yeah).”
You’re welcome.
And in the box-office roundup, last weekend the unthinkable happened: Norbit grossed $33 million, ensuring that lazy comedians will continue to strap themselves in wigs and a fat suits and speak in clichéd Ebonics so that they can serve an over-nourished niche of the American public obsessed with watching Oscar-nominated actors suffer the indignity of flapping their prosthetic labias around in water parks. In at number two, Hannibal Rising amassed a semi-respectable $13 million, paving the way for yet another sequel, which will no doubt focus on Hannibal Lecter’s time in the womb, where he is rumored to have feasted upon his unborn twin.
With Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girl (Valentine’s Day’s top box-office earner) and Music and Lyrics out of the way already, we still have three more wide releases this weekend. First up, Ghost Rider which is the first-ever filmic adaptation of an Iron Maiden T-shirt, starring Nicholas Cage as Eddie the Head (and you have no idea how proud I am of that reference — wearing those goddamn T-shirts for two years in high school has finally paid off). Bridge to Terabithia opens on 3,100 screens and, while I don’t have much hope for the film, I do admit that AnnaSophia Robb is second only to Shareeka Epps on my list of this generation’s best child actors. And finally, Breach, featuring the extraordinarily talented Chris Cooper, opens in around 1,500 theaters.
Also, a reminder: Jeremy will continue over the weekend to lend a voice to the discussion of next weekend’s Oscar ceremony over at The Film Experience. Do check it out.
And, to ensure that you see at least something good this weekend, here is a brand-spanking new, full-length trailer for Grindhouse. It’s orgasmerific.
Pajiba Love 01/15/07 | | A Girl Can Dream
Comments
This
"Hannibal Lecter's time in the womb, where he is rumored to have feasted upon his unborn twin"
and this
"Ghost Rider, which is the first-ever filmic adaptation of an Iron Maiden T-shirt"
alone = you have earned your pennies today, DR, old bean old sock, if indeed you are paid by the laugh, which I sometimes suspect you must be.
Posted by: ranylt at February 16, 2007 12:49 PM
A Milli Vanilli biopic: "So far, no talent has been attached." Heh-heh! That's priceless! (Even if it was unintended...)
Posted by: Armando at February 16, 2007 1:08 PM
I'm interested to see how badly they've mangled "Bridge". One of the most moving books I read as a kid.
I'm not holding out much hope for the flick, obviously.
Posted by: Smokin at February 16, 2007 1:25 PM
Hey, Smokin, I'm with you on that. I loved that book and when I saw the trailer, I stood up in my seat and howled with rage. My friends hastily pulled me back down, but then I spat out my rage to them in agitated tones until the feature started.
I hate you, Disney. First, you ruined The Chronicles of Narnia and now this?? I HATE YOU!!!
Posted by: Jelinas at February 16, 2007 1:32 PM
The Milli Vanilli biopic is to be followed up by a biopic on how Universal Pictures managed to fool the entire American Public that they are a real film studio. It is being speculated that the film should gross over 25 million before moviegoers realize they are watching a film about two potatoes rotting in the sun. No talent has been attached, but Ben Afleck and Paul Walker have been confirmed..... Renny Harlin has been slated to direct. One Pajiba, two Pajiba, three Pajiba, four.
Posted by: Manny at February 16, 2007 1:38 PM
I believe the refrain in "Girl You Know It's True" was more of an "ooh ooh ooh" than an "uh uh uh".
Thank you middle school dance DJ for that, by the way.
Posted by: missmle at February 16, 2007 2:12 PM
Completely off topic, but I was hoping Pajiba would be able to address something in a future trade-round-up...according to msn movies
"(...)Stiller's next film is a remake of "The Seven Year Itch," to be directed by the Farrelly Brothers."
Please God and Pajiba, tell me this is a practical joke...it's only February, but I don't mind if this is an April Fool's prank...
Posted by: KDM at February 16, 2007 2:28 PM
I wish we got so many long weekends in Canada. Must immigrate.
Posted by: M at February 16, 2007 2:51 PM
M, Don't bother - it's a long weekend in name only, we don't actually get the day off. Besides, you'd have to deal with our politicians...blech.
Bridge actually got a good review in my local paper (a rare thing, believe me) in part because, according to the critic, they didn't mess with the book, and if you've read it, you know what I mean.
Wow, super run-on sentence.
Posted by: pinkcheese at February 16, 2007 3:42 PM
Wow. Jeremy Fox is cute. Damn.
Posted by: Craig at February 16, 2007 4:03 PM
Wow. Good call Craig, good call.
Posted by: Smokin at February 16, 2007 4:14 PM
Craig, Smokin, I thought I was the only one...
(and you have no idea how proud I am of that reference -- wearing those goddamn T-shirts for two years in high school has finally paid off).
Preach it, Dustin! One day we, the nerdy and unpopular, will rise up and... get references right in a blog!
Posted by: MJ at February 16, 2007 5:36 PM
pinkcheese, I don't know what province you are writing from but I am in Alberta and we absolutely get a real long weekend here. No work on Monday for me. But then I have to live with the fact that I live in Alberta. The shame.
Posted by: skye at February 16, 2007 5:52 PM
Ghost Rider which is the first-ever filmic adaptation of an Iron Maiden T-shirt, starring Nicholas Cage as Eddie the Head
I am practically drooling at my desk over here for the Pajibafication of Ghost Rider.
...Which of you poor bastards drew the short straw?
Posted by: Jerce at February 16, 2007 6:26 PM
Ick. I cannot STAND AnnaSophia Robb.
One of the many reasons I will NOT be seeing that movie.
Posted by: Genevieve at February 16, 2007 6:28 PM
Clearly you have never seen AnnaSophia Robb in the made-for-television movie based on the American Girl doll Samantha. Now, I know the production overall was pretty bad, but her "acting" was so painful to watch that it's forever ruined any fond childhood memories I had with my own Samantha doll.
Posted by: Faye at February 16, 2007 6:41 PM
Skye - I'm in the States. M said s/he wanted to come down here for the long weekends. I want to go there to escape the politics. Maybe we could trade...
Posted by: pinkcheese at February 16, 2007 6:49 PM
I previously pictured all movie reviewers as some sick combination of Ebert and Roeper.
And now I'm slightly disturbed. Jeremy is indeed cute.
Also: AnnaSophia is not a nice thing to name your child.
Posted by: Edwards at February 16, 2007 7:36 PM
Um guys? Sorry if I'm being incredibly dim here, but where exactly are you seeing the sexy that is Jeremy? Cause I would like to see for myself!
Posted by: Claire at February 16, 2007 9:25 PM
Hey Claire. Click on The Film Experience link - see Dustin's comments above. He is cute and younger than I thought.
Posted by: rose no thorns at February 17, 2007 12:27 AM
Finally, a true portrayal of the Millie Vanilli phenomenon. My hope is that they focus it on Vanilli.
The world needs to know more about Vanilli.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 17, 2007 7:58 AM
Ahhh, Kurt Russell reprising his role of Escape from N.Y. and L.A....how interesting...I personally enjoyed the girl's leg as a gun...not sure why...seems like it's a homage to Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness! RAD!
Posted by: paris at February 17, 2007 10:58 PM
Wait!!! Stop!!! Fellow Canadian here wanting to know WHY you have Monday off in Alberta??!! Speak, skye.....
Anyone else supporting the whole "flag day" holiday? We need a break in February!!
(my apologies for all the exclamation marks)
Posted by: Michelle at February 18, 2007 2:06 PM
omg, jeremy is too young and way too cute to be this smart... yummy :D
Posted by: irina at February 19, 2007 1:00 AM