20 Things I Would Rather Do Than Wait for HBO GO to Load the 'Game of Thrones' Season Premiere
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20 Things I Would Rather Do Than Wait for HBO GO to Load the ‘Game of Thrones’ Season Premiere

By Rebecca Pahle | Game of Thrones | April 7, 2014 | Comments ()

hbo go fail.jpg

You’d think after the True Detective finale crashed HBO GO, and given the enormous popularity of their eternally most pirated show, HBO would have realized have realized “Heyyyy, maybe we need to prepare for a tidal wave of traffic on Game of Thrones premiere night.” But no. Noooooooo. 9PM rolled around, and HBO GO clutched its heart and fell to the ground like it was in a damn Lifeline commercial.

How dare HBO stiff me on this thing that I technically shouldn’t be getting anyway because I use my parents’ account, huh?! The real world, like Westeros, is a cruel place, and I had to *shudder* wait to watch an episode of Game of Thrones that didn’t even have my beloved Stannis in it. I would much rather have been:

1) Mediating couples counseling between Cersei and Robert Baratheon.

2) Grilling Sandor Clegane about his favorite memories from growing up with his brother.

3) Slapping Joffrey (to be fair, I would rather be slapping Joffrey than doing pretty much anything else).

4) Listening to Jorah Mormont whine about the friend zone.

5) Listening to Varys rhapsodize about his absent genitalia.

6) Escorting Cersei Lannister to Alcoholics Anonymous.

7) Attending the Red Wedding.

8) Serving Olenna Tyrell the wrong kind of cheese.

9) Squeezing out a shadow assassin baby.

10) Going on a blind date with Ramsay Snow.

11) Scaling the Wall. Naked.

12) Doing bar trivia with know-nothing Jon Snow.

13) Going to Joffrey’s bachelor party.

14) Attending a poetry reading with Stannis Baratheon.

15) Getting a colonoscopy from Maester Qyburn.

16) Asking Joffrey about that rumor that his mom and his uncle…

17) Sitting down for a lovely home-cooked meal with the Thenns.

18) Watching even more nerdbro wish fulfillment scenes about how Podrick Payne’s a socially awkward 20-something man who’s totally a sex god, too, you guys!

19) Going for a camping trip on Skagos. (For the non-book-readers, that’s the island full of cannibals and killer unicorns. I swear, I did not make that up.)

20) Just downloading the damn thing already.

Ask Rebecca, associate editor at The Mary Sue, about her love for Stannis. She’s wearing a Stannis shirt now. No joke.

Hey Baby It's Me Again--Tom Hardy. Oh, and My Dad, Chips... | Warning: Super Cuddly Darth Vader May Cause Brain Breakage

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Steve

    Killer narwhals.

  • Drunk Cersei is the best Cersei, you just want to take her with you to social events and let the bitter flow.

    From the premier episode (yes, I know): Fletch arrows with Ygritte

  • space_oddity

    To those using other people's HBOGo passwords: it really isn't a far step to go legit pirate and torrent the thing. Come on, it'll make you feel good...

  • DarthCorleone

    I've given my password to at least a half dozen friends/family now, so y'all can blame me.

  • DarthCorleone

    Rebecca, Stannis has the personality of a lobster.

  • eman

    If you play online games, this is nothing new. The first day or two a game is released, servers are slammed and half the people can't login. But why should they spend money for the highest server loads they'll see, when most weeks what they have tech-wise will be ok?

    Plus, as someone else said, it's free publicity on how popular the show is.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I *am* a Killer Unicorn, so I totally believe you.

  • Corvus

    Some of that list got mixed up in my browser. Fixed:
    5) Listening to Varys rhapsodize about his absent genitalia to Theon Greyjoy.
    6/7 Escorting Cersei Lannister to the Red Wedding.
    8/10 Going on a blind date with Oleanna Tyrell.
    11/12 Scaling the Wall. Naked. With know-nothing Jon Snow.
    14 Attending a poetry reading with Oleanna Tyrell, asking Oleanna Tyrell about a rumor, anything with Oleanna Tyrell.

  • Brotman92

    "Grilling Sandor Clegane". I see what you did there.

  • Rebecca Pahle

    Thank you. I was proud of that one.

  • JJ

    Somewhere I can hear Veruca Salt singing, "Don't care how, I want GoT NOW!"

  • mswas

    Best header picture EVER!

  • cruzzercruz

    I don't remember why I had to use HBO Go to see the True Detective finale, but I was there when it crashed. Never forget.

    And here I was last night, at the shore of time, wondering how I let this mistake happen to me once more. Flat circle.

  • What made me laugh is that, as said above, we saw what would happen thanks to the True Detective finale. So this was to be expected.

    I'm almost certain HBO did nothing to prevent it because they knew it would be a story and the story is "People crave our shows."

  • Bob Genghis Khan

    There's no upside to HBO in fixing it. Those who pay for it will continue do so, and those who don't will have to deal with situations like these. As an added bonus, HBO gets press that their shows are so popular they crash servers, and Hello Ladies remains unwatched. Everybody wins.

  • Bob Genghis Khan

    21) Freeing up $12.99 a month for an actual subscription so this isn't a problem next week.

  • Srw27

    Or get the "free for three months so I can watch GoT then cancel it" plan like I did :D

  • BendinIntheWind

    Where do you live where HBO is only $12.99? Or do you mean in addition to cable?

  • Joey.blowey

    You only need to subcribe for the next 9 weeks and then drop it.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Again though, I'd be willing to wager that most people who don't have HBO *also* don't have cable.

    It's not a big jump from Cable to Cable + HBO, but it's a good $90 gap between No Cable and Cable + HBO.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Thank god - all the bitching on Twitter and Facebook was CLEARLY from people who used HboGo through someone else's account, otherwise they would have just turned on the TV. And as one of said people who borrow their parents' login because I don't have the dough for cable, my answer was "chill out for an hour and watch Bob's Burgers on Netflix, then check back in once everyone else is done".

  • narfna

    If you had COX, then even watching it on TV didn't work. I was able to understand about 10 words of every 100 spoken and the feed was completely pixelated. SO FRUSTRATING. I had to, erm, watch it creatively instead.

  • Monica

    I didn't have a problem with it and I also have Cox. But I'm incredibly glad I didn't have to use HBOgo.

  • narfna

    I called customer service in the middle of the ep and they basically had no answer to why it was happening, just that they were getting a bunch of calls. The tech seemed to think they had underestimated the amount of viewers, and since Cox basically has a monopoly where I live, I'm sure there were a lot.

  • BendinIntheWind

    ...how is that HBOGo's fault?

  • narfna

    I didn't say that it was.

  • We only have one HD cable box in the house and two Chromecasts. I was going to watch GoT live on HBOGo b/c wifey wanted to watching something else on cable. I, a paying HBO customer, couldn't do that. Not the end of the world, but a little irritating. This is the second time in a month and the third or fourth time this year HBOGo went down during an on-demand show airing.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    So Brian, here's the question - how do you feel about the fact that your inability to watch was directly related to people who were NOT paying essentially free riding? What should HBO do about it? And if they don't do anything, how do we avoid the tragedy of the commons?

  • cruzzercruz

    I have HBO, but got home after the premiere started. The next rerun wasn't until 11pm, and I don't have DVR. Needless to say, I was pissed off at 10pm when I was trying to catch the show before going to bed.

  • Joey.blowey

    You missed the premire?
    Sounds like someone needs to get thier priorities in proper order.

  • cruzzercruz

    I was seeing Captain America. I'll stand by my decision. But only just.

  • PDamian

    Well, I hope you got a nice shot of Cap's ass (dat ass) for your pains.

  • BendinIntheWind



  • PDamian

    Ohhhhhh, dat azzz ... thanks!

  • Joey.blowey

    Ok, seeing Cappy is an acceptable reason for missing the premire.

  • BendinIntheWind

    A far point, though I was able to get it up and running without a problem at 10 after 10. I tried for about 10 minutes with issues, but I'm so used to Comcast straight up murdering my streamability that I'm pretty used to waiting it out.

  • Jamie Dello Stritto

    Yep. We had a bit of trouble re-watching the last ep of season 3 right before it, but no trouble at all watching the new episode at 10:15.

  • cruzzercruz

    Damn it! I got flustered by 10:09 and quit, marching back to my bedroom to lay in bed, wondering how much more fun everyone else was having watching Game of Thrones.

  • BWeaves

    Killer unicorns?

  • Rebecca Pahle


  • BlackRabbit

    Oooo GoT/Cabin crossover.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I wish I could say I was surprised.

  • JJ

    It's redundant, yet necessary.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Like saying Daniel Craig is sexy.

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