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Review: We Tried Starbucks Spoopy Zombie Frappuccino®

By Jodi Smith | Food Porn | October 27, 2017 | Comments ()

By Jodi Smith | Food Porn | October 27, 2017 |


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Since we reviewed the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino®, we thought it only prudent and fair to also review its undead cousin: The Zombie Frappuccino®.

Available within the limited timeframe of October 26th until whenever locations run out of the ingredients, the Zombie Frappe is described thusly:

It’s a chilling concoction of green caramel apple, a drizzle of dark mocha, and pinkish whip. - Via

Kristy is still getting over the sugary shock of the Unicorn Frappe, so I volunteered to take one for the team. When the drink launched Thursday, I was at my Starbucks inside Target and the woman ahead of me was inquiring about the Zombie for her teen son. The barista explained that it “tastes like a caramel apple sucker and is better than the Unicorn one.” The teen decided against it and I ordered my normal drink. Today I had to hit up Target again and decided I was ready to attempt drinking the Zombie.

I was afraid. If a teenage boy won’t drink it, how will I?

I approached my barista, Audrey, and asked her if I had to get the Zombie in grande or would I be able to get a tall? She assured me that she could make the small one and I explained that I was reviewing the drink, but was terrified about choking it down. She laughed and made my drink.

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The first thing I did was taste the whipped cream braiiiiins. Alas, it is just regular whip with food coloring in it to give it that brainy look. Disappointment: 1.

I take a sip and it’s more water than any other flavor. Maybe I got an ice pocket or something else I just made up as an excuse. I take another drink. Keep in mind, I’m expecting that caramel apple sucker taste described by yesterday’s barista. I’m expecting that apple base and caramel with a tiny bit of mocha. So my second drink has some flavor I can’t quite place and no apple. No regular apple, no sour apple. None.

Disappointment: 1.5, because I hate fake apple anyway.

I tried not to stir the drink until after it started to sploop together on its own. This happened and then I stirred after.

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I guess that’s the dark mocha invading the alleged caramel apple base. After stirring, I continued to drink it, getting brain freeze at one point by the ice cream freezers. Irony?

Drink after drink, I tried to decide if I liked the Zombie. I’m still not really sure. It was like an absence of flavor with a strong whisper of maybe-mocha lurching around in the background. It’s not overly sweet. It’s not really anything.

I got home and still hadn’t finished the Zombie, which is telling. I once got an iced Pumpkin Spice Chai Tea Latte when I walked into Target and it was gone by the time I got to the pharmacy in the middle of the store. I walked straight from Starbucks to the pharmacy. With the Zombie, I walked all over the store, taking drinks and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to tell all of you.

I did eventually figure out what to tell you: Don’t bother. Final Disappointment Score: $4.95

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