Flawless / Dustin Rowles
Many of you may recall the fall of 2006, the great and magnificent season of magician dramas, namely The Illusionist and The Prestige, which were released only one month apart. I dug both movies, and while I thought it was the performances in both (save for ScarJo and her Jos Jos) that made them as good as they were, the storylines were pretty stellar as well. And while ultimately I preferred The Prestige (Christian Bale and Michael Caine barely edged out Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti in the thespian department), the conclusion has to that film nevertheless always felt slightly unsatisfying. In The Illusionist, like most viewers, I knew what the big twist was and I knew where it was going fairly early on (the clues were too obvious to miss), so I could simply sit back and enjoy the actressin’. On the other hand, though it may have been obvious to some, The Prestige stumped the hell out of me. I had no clue how Alfred Borden managed to pull off the Transported Man, and the not knowing preoccupied my mind to such an extent that the ultimate reveal, while surprising to me, was still something of a disappointment. It made sense, but I was still left with an “is that all there is?” feeling. I wanted more, goddamnit — some clever MacGyver shit would blow my mind. I didn’t get to truly appreciate The Prestige until the second viewing, when I could simply focus on the brilliant performances that Christopher Nolan coaxed out of his cast.
To a lesser extent (much lesser, given the presence of Demi Moore), I had a similar experience watching Flawless. It’s a slow-moving, burn-your-hand engrossing heist film that, for much of the running time, leaves you bewildered, scratching your head and wondering, “How the hell did he pull that off?” But that’s also the film’s undoing; though the ultimate reveal makes perfect sense, it’s nevertheless disappointing, not because it’s preposterous (see, Identity), but because it’s not as cool as you were hoping it’d be (see Prestige). It leaves you with the same “Oh … hmph,” feeling you had after the first time you had sex (don’t worry, youngins — it gets better; just keep plugging away; you’ll get the hang of it, by gum!) Unlike The Prestige, however, the rest of Flawless isn’t nearly good enough to overcome its disappointing finale. Once you know how it happened, the preceding 100 minutes swoops in and delivers a sucker punch that retroactively imbues the entire experience with a sense of tedium.
In fact, without the suspense, there’s not much to Flawless. It opens with a reporter in the present day asking an old lady with a bad British accent and terrible makeup to recount her days as the first and only female managing director of Lon Di Diamond, a company that in the 1960s de facto ruled South Africa and distributed most of the world’s diamonds. The geriatric woman pulls out a huge diamond, tells the reporter that she stole it back in the day, and then recounts her story, a la Titanic.
That old woman is Laura Quinn (Demi Moore), who in the ’60s is a solitary, work-driven career executive in a stuffy white-male-dominated environment who has been passed over for promotion six times by lesser qualified men. Suffice to say, she has something of a bitter streak. So, when the bumbling, soon-to-retire janitor, Mr. Hobbs (Michael Caine), takes Laura aside and tells her that he overheard that she was about to get canned, Laura becomes amenable to Mr. Hobbs’ plan to break into the company’s bank vault and steal a thermos full of diamonds. Given the amount of diamonds in the safe (two tons), Laura figures no one will miss the diamonds and agrees to help Mr. Hobbs in his efforts. The hang-up, however, is that the first-generation video cameras only give the limpy Hobbs 60 seconds to run his janitorial supplies down a long hall, dial in the combination, open a giant safe door, and get himself inside the vault.
Director Michael Radford (Il Postino) takes us as far as the safe before cutting away to the next day, when it’s revealed that the entire vault’s inventory is (gasp!) gone, leaving us to wonder how the hell a hobbling old janitor managed to pull off that feat without anyone noticing. It’s a pretty good set-up, too, and Radford does an excellent job of milking it for all its worth; unfortunately, he’s dealing with immobile, starved cattle with mad cow expression. Flawless is only as good as long as it’s a mystery; once that’s revealed, you almost wish the entire movie had been as bad as the soul-crushing anti-climax just to save you from the disappointment.
Still, unlike Demi Moore, the film isn’t a total waste. Richard Greatex’s cinematography is some kind of amazing; he and Radford imbue the film with a beautiful, unmistakable aesthetic last seen in 60’s crime thrillers. And, as always, if you’re into doddering Michael Caine roles, it’s hard to beat this one; indeed, only Morgan Freeman can complete with Caine’s ability to make a tired platitude sound profound. Sadly, his remarkable performance is nearly completely offset by Demi Moore’s; she tries too hard to look like she’s not trying too hard. There’s absolutely no life in her performance, just glum stodginess, and she may be one of the few Hollywood actresses who could make smoking in the 1960s look unglamorous (she’s always presented with a cigarette puffed down to the filter, like little nubbins of cancer, when everyone knows that Joan Crawford — who Demi is clearly trying to imitate — was never seen with anything less than half a ciggy). Likewise, Flawless is akin to a former addict attempting to satiate a five-year hankerin’ for a Parliament Light — sure, the first few puffs are exhilarating, but then the headache sets in, and then you wish you’d quit puffing away before the tobacco left a taste of ass in your mouth that you still taste the next morning.
Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife and son in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.
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Comments
It's hilarious how studio execs think celebs past their due-date are still big draws.
"We'll get Demi on this. She's box office gold, pure GOLD!"
Like this review, even NPR was dissing Demi just for being in the movie. Some people in Hollywood must be scratching thier heads. "But Demi's gold. What went wrong?"
Posted by: numchuck at March 31, 2008 12:49 PM
"In NYC, someone is imitating the murders in Poe's classic works and it's going to take help from the dead to unravel the clues and assure no one else winds up Poe-etically slain."
Is that a real book or the plot of a Halloween episode of CSI: Duluth?
Posted by: Frank at March 31, 2008 12:56 PM
Judging from the review I think I might give this one a go - I think it fits nicely into the category of movies labelled "I could watch this with my friends and it wouldn't cause a fight" which is really something.
On the topic of Demi: I watched Indecent Proposal again this weekend (it was on, I was too lazy to change the chanel) - she used to be so young and fresh but now she looks kinda stretched. Step away from the plastic surgery, ladies. It only makes things worse.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 31, 2008 12:57 PM
'little nubbins of cancer'
I think we can use this phrase for EVERYTHING referencing d-moore.
Posted by: gunter at March 31, 2008 12:57 PM
Well, if she's wearing lipstick a shade that disagreeably orange throughout her career, she shouldn't be surprised when she doesn't get promoted.
...Or am I being too cruel to a woman of her age and stature? Should I instead be giving her a patronising pat on the head and telling her that Hollywood still cares about her?
Posted by: Cookie at March 31, 2008 1:01 PM
Invoking 'The Prestige,' even to point out the flaws in this movie, automatically makes me want to see it.
Posted by: twig at March 31, 2008 1:11 PM
Interesting analogy, and one that actually occurred to me before, but for a different reason; it is competing for audiences with a similarly-themed movie released at the same time. The Bank Job is another crime-caper-with-british-accents movie (the presence of Jason Statham puts it firmly in the Christian Bale corner of this comparison. Yes, I said "firmly" "Statham" and "Bale" in the same sentence. Get THEM in a movie together, with diamonds, and I might never leave the house- it's my squee! trifecta).
Posted by: Go Big Red at March 31, 2008 1:11 PM
Demi Moore is the ultimate "meh" actress. She doesn't inspire pure vitrol (at least not in me) but she isn't worth anything either. Her acting is so wooden and bland. This would have been a good role for the many great under-appreciated 40 something actresses in Hollywood. That would have made way too much sense though ...
"Who can we get? Well, the kids love Ashton and his shenanigans. So Demi Moore. Perfect"
Posted by: LittleDead at March 31, 2008 1:17 PM
Frank- did you notice that "book" is by Heather Graham? I guess those "The Spy Who Shagged Me" royalties dried up faster than...than.. Rollergirl's...hmm...than Emily's Reasons...no... than Ed Burns'...DRATS!
I can't think of anything to metaphor it to. Somebody help me here... Pissboy? Vermillion? Anyone?
Posted by: Go Big Red at March 31, 2008 1:19 PM
Whatever respect I had for Demi was lost long ago after she married that numbnut. On a lighter note I liked The Illusionist better.
Posted by: Pookie at March 31, 2008 1:24 PM
Statham and Bale in a movie together....now that would be gold. That amount of awesomeness might rip a hole in every home in the world, sucking everybody into an alternate dimension where Hollywood execs and Pajibites collaborate on movies, TK and get along, and gin and whiskey rain down from the heavens. It'd make all panties go instantly moist, with no choice of drying, and zippers would burst violently in public, injuring millions.
It would be glorious. And impossible at the same time. And horrific. And kinda cool to experience.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 31, 2008 1:29 PM
Somebody help me here... Pissboy? Vermillion? Anyone?
*looks up from his shrine to Heather Graham and her Constantly Missing Clothes*
Sorry, can't help you there. Besides, I think it is someone different.
'Tis sad that the movie was such a disappointment, and the Prestige ending comparison is a really great way to illustrate it.
Posted by: Vermillion at March 31, 2008 1:30 PM
If Demi Moore didn't annoy the shit out of me, I'd almost feel bad for her. Leeches? Gross. And remember that rumor about plastic surgery to her KNEES or some such nonesense? Was that true?
I've never witnessed a woman so afraid of wrinkling. It's depressing.
Demi, sweetpea, listen. Didya ever think that maaaaybe your aging hangups have to do with the fact that you're with a guy half your age, who acts like he's about twelve? I'm just saying. What the hell do the two of you talk about at dinner?
I'm all for older women landing the sexy, virile younger men (okay, maybe not TOO much younger - - I'm looking at you, middle school teachers of America), but this couple just really weirds me out.
Posted by: tt_marie at March 31, 2008 1:34 PM
Statham and Bale in a movie together....
Oh, NOOOOO. I made a crack about that once, and nearly every woman on the boards died from ecstacy. That was just from JOKING about it. That movie could never be made, for it will be the end of civilization as we know it.
Posted by: Vermillion at March 31, 2008 1:37 PM
Also, Ms. Moore looks vaguely like a dude in drag in that picture up there.
Posted by: tt_marie at March 31, 2008 1:38 PM
I still can't refer to them as a couple without giggling, tt_marie...like I'm in on the joke.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 31, 2008 1:40 PM
Demi Moore is the ultimate "meh" actress.
So, so true. Has she ever been really great in anything? She's not as bad as, say, Halle Berry, but I've never seen her in anything that actually makes me forget I'm watching her making an effort (if that makes any sense).
Posted by: llism at March 31, 2008 1:40 PM
Shadows, you have no idea how much I wish your comment would come true...The Statham...The Bale...The Gin!
Posted by: Pudenda at March 31, 2008 1:45 PM
Trying to compare "The Illusionist" with "The Prestige" is like trying to compare any "Harry Potter" movie with any "Lord of the Rings" movie. Yeah, they both had magicinans / wizards in them, but other than that, no comparision. I liked both of them. Completely different stories, with completely different twists to them.
The thing I liked about "The Prestige" was that all the clues were given to you on a silver platter, and you just don't know it until the end. In "The Illusionist" it seemed like there were a few things that were not shown to the audience. I like my mysteries to give me all clues, and still surprise me.
Then again, Demi Moore, I won't be seeing this.
Posted by: BWeaves at March 31, 2008 1:45 PM
magicians. can't speel tday
Posted by: Bweaves at March 31, 2008 1:50 PM
I could barely pay any attention to The Illusionist because I was utterly preoccupied with preventing myself from reaching through the screen and slapping Jessica Biel silly. LISTEN UP, BIEL: GO BACK TO TV. NOW.
And speaking of TV, maybe Demi Moore should try that? A sitcom, maybe? She could play a brittle, marginally talented woman whose desperate fear of aging leads to WACKY HIJINX!
Posted by: Smithy at March 31, 2008 1:56 PM
Oh, NOOOOO. I made a crack about that once, and nearly every woman on the boards died from ecstacy. That was just from JOKING about it. That movie could never be made, for it will be the end of civilization as we know it.
Seriously Vermillion...the lady loins, they would 'splode.
Posted by: Julie at March 31, 2008 1:56 PM
Agreed bweaves, 'The Illusionist' was a decent movie. 'The Prestige' was art. Even at the end, I still felt like I was missing something.
Mmmm
Posted by: twig at March 31, 2008 2:01 PM
Oi, Pajba commenting doesn't like annoying emoticon hearts?
That was supposed to be 'Mmmm I heart Christopher Nolan.' Yes. Yes I do.
Posted by: twig at March 31, 2008 2:02 PM
the only movie I liked Demi Moore in was A Few Good Men. I have to say I avoid seeing her whenever I can, however. She does look vaguely tranny-ish in that pic up there....
Posted by: nancy at March 31, 2008 2:20 PM
Demi Moore has been box-office aluminum at best for over a decade. How long does it take Hollywood to get the point?
Posted by: Kris at March 31, 2008 2:21 PM
I didn't even know this movie existed until the review came up ((how many times has this happened?)). I think I'll give it a shot, as your review wasn't entirely damning.
The Prestige and The Illusionist were amazing. I have to agree with you about the twists, only the Prestige stumped me. It also elevated my love of Christian Bale to ridiculous proportions.
To address everyones Demi Moore questions: They probably won't figure it out. Ever.
Posted by: Kay at March 31, 2008 2:38 PM
"She does look vaguely tranny-ish in that pic up there...."
It's the wig. The wig and the cheekbones make her look like the tranny version of Jackie O.
Posted by: Three-nineteen at March 31, 2008 2:39 PM
The best part about The Prestige is that it doesn't actually solve every mystery-- for instance, what knot Christian Bale tied, or how much his wife actually knew.
It's definitely a movie that you watch the second time and gasp when you realize what everything really means.
And Demi looks like she just caught sight of herself in a mirror and realized what a hideous shade of lipstick she has on.
Posted by: That Girl at March 31, 2008 2:47 PM
*Raises hand* Another one here who had to watch "The Prestige" twice and (I think) hunt up a synopsis to figure out what happened. Strangely enough, I appreciate that, a movie that's really too clever/smart for most people.
Demi was kinda fetchin' in "About Last Night ..." even though their (her's and Rob Lowe's) fighting friends were far more interesting. Since then, not so much. I vaguely remember her Jackie Templeton days, though I don't think at any point in her career would anyone describe her as "Flawless." That title is just begging to be abused. Thanks, Dustin, for avoiding the cheap shot.
Posted by: bucdaddy at March 31, 2008 3:22 PM
I've seen the trailer for this a couple of times, and Demi reminds me of somebody, and I can't figure out who.
On the other hand, Michael Caine reminds me of AWESOME. It's like ... if God and David Bowie had a litter of fluffy golden puppies together, the sweetest and wriggliest would grow into Michael Caine. That's how much I love him.
Can all future Pajiba posts contain mentions of Christian Bale? It brightens my day immeasurably.
Posted by: lizling at March 31, 2008 3:28 PM
Furthermore: OMG, is it THAT Heather Graham? I figured it was a case of different lady, same name.
Posted by: lizling at March 31, 2008 3:32 PM
I'm with tt_marie ... that photo plus the transgenderish title made me think this was going to be a movie about a guy who always wanted to have perfectly orange lipstick and eyebrows plucked to within an inch of their poor lives. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
Posted by: zh at March 31, 2008 3:39 PM
I guess those "The Spy Who Shagged Me" royalties dried up faster than...than.. Rollergirl's...hmm...than Emily's Reasons...no... than Ed Burns'...DRATS!
... Somebody help me here... Pissboy? Vermillion? Anyone?
I dunno if I would have gonewith "...dried up..." when there are so many other good descriptions that can be used? Should it be shrank? Withered up? Wasted away? Hell! Why don't I give ya one of each!
I guess those "The Spy Who Shagged Me" royalties shrankfaster than any woman's libido at the thought of a naked Dan Fogler.
...Withered up faster than Nicole Kidman' face during a Botulism shortage.
...wasted away faster than the Olson Twins at a smorgasbord.
Eh...not feeling this one so much. I think the stink of Heather Graham is seeping into my clothing just thinking about her. All I've ever seen is her...on film...wearing red lipstick...showing me she knows how to fuck. I know her more intimately than Andy Dick's knuckle knows his own asshole.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 31, 2008 3:40 PM
Isn't anybody going to spoil this movie? Now I have to go hunt up that 'what happens in movies' website (but don't worry I'll save up The Prestige and The Illusionist to watch properly).
Posted by: ChrisD at March 31, 2008 3:55 PM
I have often been told I look like Demi. I have often suspected I look mannish.
It is all confirmed now.
Posted by: samantha t at March 31, 2008 4:12 PM
I liked it better when it was Philip Seymour Hoffman in drag teaching De Niro to sing.
Posted by: Kevin Longrie at March 31, 2008 4:30 PM
Smithy, I think we already have that one with "New Adventures of Old Christine" with Julia Louis Dreyfus . . . or was it "Cybill" with Cybill Shepherd?
Posted by: Bev M. at March 31, 2008 4:44 PM
Notice: the hot topic today is which tranny man Demi Moore most resembles and how much we all love Michael Caine. Sadly, no one cares enough about this movie to discuss details. OH wait! Isn't that every movie recently?
When O when will there be a movie we can care about?
Posted by: gunter at March 31, 2008 8:22 PM
What you didn't like about The Prestige I thought made it beautiful, the not knowing drives the whole movie.
You can't force me to watch the movie. Is the Michael Caine "twist" the same as Edward Norton's in The Score?
Posted by: Stew at March 31, 2008 9:07 PM
I hated The Illusionist, I found it cheesy and predictable. And I loved The Prestige...I saw the former in theaters and the latter on DVD and I really wish it had been the other way around.
Anyway, despite the comparisons, absolutely nothing about this movie interests me. Nothing.
Posted by: lola o at March 31, 2008 9:50 PM
i can't believe i'm actually going to go ahead and defend Demi Moore. Okay, I admit it, I'm procrastinating too. Demi Moore has been in some decentish movies that I don't mind watching (Ghost, Indecent Proposal, Ghost, that movie where she sexually harasses Michael Douglass, though I don't condone sexual harrassment I was totally rooting for her in that one)
I can't say I feel sympathetic for Demi Moore, but I do feel like the whole plastic surgery, drive to stay young thing she's got going on is likely fueled by her being an actress, a celebrity, and a cultural sentiment that embraces youth and shuns older people, specifically older women. I cringe on the inside when the press makes a big deal about her and ashton when bruce, George Clooney, Hef, Jack Nicholson and you name it, can go after a woman of practically any age.
As an aside, I've always found Demi, and especially Halle Berry, as "meh" actresses. They give me the same, "how'd you get to be so successful?" feeling I get when I look at people and wonder how, how they got to be where they're at and why.
End Rant.
Posted by: Mik at April 1, 2008 8:50 PM
I agree, Mik. I never found her nearly as offensive as other actresses. Fine, she's middling. She never claimed to be the next Meryl Streep. She also comes from a super-modest background and essentially moved in with her mother when her mother was sick. She's also managed to keep a collegial relationship with her ex-husband, no small feat in Hollywood.
I also think that her plastic surgery is pretty damn good, as far as plastic surgery goes.
Posted by: samantha t at April 2, 2008 10:51 AM