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'Winter's Tale' Review: The Worst Movie Ever Made Can't Even Touch This

By Amanda Mae Meyncke | Film Reviews | February 19, 2014 | Comments ()


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At one point in Winter’s Tale, Colin Farrell and Jennifer Connelly are on the back of an angel horse, about to leap off a skyscraper and when she tries to stop him, he says to her, about the horse: “Let him do his math.” The horse then takes off, and floats on gossamer wings through the New York skyline, wheeling and spinning like some kind of beatific vision.

But, I guess, let’s start at the beginning of this, possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen, a film so abysmally terrible, the only good thing about it is the actually, fiery, palpable chemistry between Colin Farrell and Jessica Brown Findlay. I’m going to spare you the indecency of pretending you’re going to see this movie, and speak frankly, one adult to another. There can be no spoilers where there is only nonsense, and I think you’ll pretty quickly agree with me, seeing as this was written and directed by the guy who wrote I Am Legend, The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, I Robot and Batman Forever, I mean, shall I go on?

There’s a kind of whispery, haunting voice over from Brown Findlay that informs the audience from the outset that the stars aren’t actually stars, you see, they’re souls that get to shine up there forever once their time on earth is done! Also, there is a this thing called destiny, and some important stuff about time and matter not actually existing, but that time is everywhere and we are everything and everyone is everywhere at all every times.

Colin Farrell lopes up to Grand Central Station in 2014, and wanders around the place as if it’s familiar to him. HMMMMM. But then, we are transported into the past! and whoa, at this point, less than two minutes in, I poured roughly three shots of smuggled bourbon into my soda. Matt Bomer showed up in Grand Central station, which was unexpected, but don’t worry, we won’t see him again any time soon. A foreigner with uhhh, “pulmonary” as the doctor puts it, he’s rejected from entering the country along with his wife, so they lower their baby into the river and he floats away to a better life. (Actually, these people are basically baby murderers, who in their right mind would put a baby into a river in a model of a boat, and just hope for the best?)

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Cough, cough, I’b thick.

Meanwhile in… 1916? An Old Timey Time, Whatever Time It Is, Brown Findlay is suffering from consumption, much to the chagrin of her newspaper editor father (William Hurt), and while getting fitted for spectacles, gives a charming little speech about how light is all around us and light is the key to everything and you can see the universe in light, and everything starts sparkling around her. She is definitely going to die, you can totally tell.

Back to the water baby — he grows up to be Colin Farrell, and he lives a life of petty thievery until his boss (Russell Crowe) decides to kill him. But, luckily, there’s a magical horse that appears to save him. This horse just won’t quit, so Colin Farrell decides maybe to stick with the horse for a while, and the two of them start thievin’ on their own. Now THAT would be a movie, sort of like a reverse Turner & Hooch, but such glories are not to be. While breaking into houses, Farrell runs into a beautiful but sickly woman, Beverly (Jessica Brown Findlay), who has consumption and a fever, and decides he’s in love with her, forever. When Russell Crowe decides to kill her, Colin Farrell saves her, on horseback of course, and they ride away to a beautiful castle in upstate New York.

Russell Crowe wants him dead! Russell Crowe is some kind of demon. He makes finger paintings with blood! He is angry that Colin Farrell is with this pretty lady, and he’s going to stop it if he can, but there’s a curse and he can’t go chasing after them as demons apparently aren’t allowed in upstate New York, however anyone who has attempted to plan a wedding weekend there can readily deny this.

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Look at the everywhere that we are! We are the light in the everywhere!

Will Smith is the devil. He literally lives in a warehouse in Brooklyn and arbitrates petty disputes between humans and demons? Also he wears a blazer and t-shirt, no matter what time period it is, and you get the feeling whoever did costumes for this thing was too scared to ask Will Smith to change his clothes, so he just wore whatever he was already wearing. Crowe freaks out and wants the devil to keep Farrell from using his miracle. Oh, do… people have miracles? What? This is never explained, or maybe this whole movie is a prequel to Angels & Demons and the joke’s on us, all of us.

After a lot of events that don’t quite make sense, and really, truly do not matter at all, Brown Findlay and Farrell eventually get around to doing it, and have about one minute of the most passionless, obtrusive, obnoxiously disappointing sex that consists mostly of Farrell hovering above her motionless and the two of them smiling at one another. Disappointing only to me, I guess, since she’s so thrilled with losing her virginity that she promptly passes away after muttering something about how they’re everywhere in time.

Let’s speed this up, shall we? Next we have a funeral where her little sister, who looks to be about eight years old tries to comfort a bereft Farrell. Farrell gets in a fight with Crowe, ghost angel horse flies off, Farrell maybe dies but then doesn’t. Fast forward to the future! Which is today, in New York City and he is still alive. Farrell wanders around, trying to remember who he is, and what has happened to him. IF ONLY I TOO COULD FORGET SO EASILY. Clues, clues, clues, Farrell runs into a journalist who wants to help him, after seeing a photo of him in the past, she brings him to meet the editor in chief of the newspaper, who is — Beverly’s little sister! (But wait, wouldn’t that make her somewhere in the region of 110 years old? BE QUIET, HUMAN LOGIC, WHO ARE YOU TO EXPLAIN THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE WITH YOUR MATHS AND YOUR COMMON SENSE?)

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Sigh, modern life is rubbish.

Colin Farrell and Jennifer Connelly must run away from the demon Russell Crowe, with Connelly’s tiny cancer-ridden daughter in tow, and they all head to an ice lake, but it’s not a fair fight! Twenty guys against Colin Farrell! Ghost horse angel horse stomps on the ice and about six BMWs and twenty guys slowly slide down into the icy water, all carefully rendered in loving, tender CGI detail. Russell Crowe fights Colin Farrell and then Farrell uses his miracle to save someone’s life, there, I didn’t really spoil anything at all. Having a lot of trouble remembering the ending. Oh wait, no, I remember. Colin Farrell flies on the back of the ghost horse angel horse up into the sky and becomes a star.

AND THAT’S JUST THE PLOT, FOLKS.

Writer and director Akiva Goldsman has made quite the career out of producing and writing some truly huge big budget films, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re really not very good. While he’s spent a majority of his career writing and producing, he’s still new to directing, and this is his first feature film. Let’s hope it’s his last. It’s based on a novel, but that doesn’t change the fact that there’s too much nonsense and too little actually happening in this film to even warrant watching it, much less making it. Goldsman just rounded up all his famous friends from other films he’s worked on, and asked them for favors, I imagine. Just think about the audacity of the seemingly endless number of people who sat through every revision of the script, every audition, every meeting about production design and costumes, every editing session, every test screening, every re-shoot and say “Yes!” at every step of the way. Most of these people are just doing their jobs, but some of these people actually thought that this, this was a good idea.

Just think about that, just for a second.

It’s exhausting to think about! Millions upon millions of dollars spent, all to say nothing. No great romance, nothing memorable (beyond Russell Crowe’s bloody finger paintings and the sight of six BMWs simultaneously sinking into a lake), only nothingness and chaos. Even worse, this is nothingness parading as something worth existing, a film that believes it presents a structured worldview, and then shies away from it, over and over again. “The Universe” is in control, but there’s demons, and fallen angels, and horses that are angels, it’s just dumbfounding.

Please, just, take the two hours you were thinking of wasting on this drecky drip fest, and do something nice for yourself or someone you care about. Because there are bad movies that are fun to watch, bad movies that aren’t fun to watch and then there’s actively destructive nightmares of cinematic crap, and Winter’s Tale is somewhere in that guttery, scum pond reflection of a night sky, far, far away.

Amanda Meyncke can’t seem to catch a break these days, she lives in Los Angeles and writes about ideas and bad movies.



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  • Sars

    I now want to see this movie....

  • Walter Ray Choi

    "Based on a novel" nowadays usually means its based on the hyperemotional touchy feely mindlessness consistent with "everyone is everything is everywhere". I blame the movement's founding father, Coelho. Plus, that this has the ever trying-so-hard Will Smith in it is the definitive cherry on this shit sundae.

  • You could've copied my review from the Pajiba FB group. I wouldn't have minded and it would've saved you the pain. I should've used more caps, though.

  • Welldressed

    Despite your protestations Amanda, I think this steaming pile of magical-horseshit may indeed be part of the rarified air of "so-terrible-it's-required-viewing". Every review I read makes me believe that more and more.
    FFS, Will Smith plays Satan. How are we not storming the theaters en masse?

  • GrungellaVedder

    The hair is distracting. Only Javier Bardem can rock that cut.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Just think about the audacity of the seemingly endless number of
    people who sat through every revision of the script, every audition,
    every meeting about production design and costumes, every editing
    session, every test screening, every re-shoot and say “Yes!” at every
    step of the way. Most of these people are just doing their jobs, but
    some of these people actually thought that this, this was a good idea.

    Just think about that, just for a second.

    I wonder about these very things frequently. Too frequently.

  • Haystacks

    I watched the trailer and I am sure some things happened, but all I could see was Colin Farrell's hair. What the hell is happening on that man's head?

  • So what you're telling me is that it lives down to its poster.

  • annie

    This review was actually made up, right? This can't actually be the movie. It's more like a fevered dream after a burrito gone bad.

  • Salieri2

    Oh, well, dammit then. Hard to be surprised. Little disappointed that Neil Gaiman liked it, not gonna lie.

    There's a lot more going on in Winter's Tale the book than in Winter's Tale the movie: sweeping stories, bold themes, horribly problematic notions of how society could or should or does or can't work, but it's a love letter to New York City at heart, and, as others mention, its value is in the poetry of its description. Turning it into a movie was always a terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad idea.

    Helprin is good at small vignettes both humorous and touching, and lushly descriptive prose; he's lousy at grand assertions about fate or the universe or American society or the nature of humanity. It hurts me to compare a writer with such a good grip on language to Stephen King, but when Helprin gets ambitious and tries to say something profound about the nature of the world, he fails the smell test the way King began to when he started constantly tying every novel to his Dark Tower narrative. Or when Sting keeps trying to re-invent his pop stuff jazz-style. It's just not strong enough to stand that degree of inflation/tinkering. Is what I'm fumblingly trying to say. And as I grow older, his social opinions rise ever to the fore and pull me out of the story.

    But I still love the book despite how angry it makes me. I do not think it could have been written post-9/11.

    Here's a chunk. Peter Lake is fleeing both cops and criminals on the back of a big horse that just happened to show up.

    The horse could not go forward and would not go back, and found himself moving sideways towards a lighted marquee which, even in the morning, shone out with the words, “Saul Turkish Presents: Cardelba, the Spanish Gypsy.”

    Half full for the morning show, the theater was dark and overbrimming with dazzling blues and greens, except for center stage, where Caradelba danced half nude in white and cream-colored silk. At first Peter Lake and the horse stood at the top of the middle aisle, watching Caradelba and hoping they had entered unobserved. But when the police came charging through the lobby, Peter Lake kicked the horse again and they galloped through the theater toward the orchestra pit. The musicians kept on playing, though they did slur as they saw the tremendous head and body of the horse speeding at them from the darkness, like a white jack-o’-lantern mounted on the head of a locomotive.

    The horse picked up speed. Peter Lake said, “Not likely that you’re a jumper, too,” and closed his eyes. The horse did more than jump. To his own surprise, he soared over the orchestra and landed almost soundlessly onstage next to the Spanish Gypsy--twenty feet across and eight up. Peter Lake was amazed that the horse had jumped so far and landed so soundlessly. Caradelba was speechless. She was no more than a child, covered with pounds of makeup, slight of build, and confused in demeanor except when she was dancing. She took the instant appearance (as if from the air) of a horse and man upon it, suddenly sharing the stage, as a grave insult. It was as if by materializing full-blown on his enormous stallion, Peter Lake was making fun of her. She seemed about to cry. And the horse himself was not entirely self-possessed. He had never been in a theater before, let alone onstage. The lights beaming from darkness, the music, the soft subtle smell of Caradelba’s makeup, and the vast molten blue velvet curtain, entranced him. He threw out his chest like a parade horse.

    Peter Lake could not bring himself to leave until he had comforted Caradelba. Trading blows with resentful musicians, the police were forcing their way through the orchestra pit. Beguiled by the magic of the footlights, the horse discovered the glories of the theater and wanted some time to try out various facial expressions…”

    Where's the movie there? This is all language. I'm not gonna feel bad about skipping it.

  • Quatermain

    I think that having to live with Amanda Palmer has done something to his brain.

  • TheAggroCraig

    After seeing the trailer we thought it was just some dumb time-travel love story. Then I saw a TV spot that featured a rainbow Pegasus or some shit and I was very confused. At least I have the whole story now, I guess.

  • wonkeythemonkey

    I don't understand Colin Farrell. He's an A-lister, or at least a B+ lister, and he seems to be a household name. Yet I can't think of anything he starred in that was actually popular. Pretty much the opposite, really. Look at his "Known For" list on IMDB:
    - Phone Booth
    - Total Recall
    - Alexander
    - In Bruges

    The movies he's been in that had any merit at all were not popular, and his movies with any popularity at all were almost universally panned. The man was in Daredevil, for crying out loud!

    Why does Hollywood insist on casting this guy like he's a star?

  • strand0410

    He was actually great in Phone Booth, but I've always been puzzled why the dude keeps getting big roles in expensive movies that tank and/or stink. Taylor Kitsch was out in only 2 strikes (Battleship, John Carter) but for some reason, Hollywood is awfully forgiving of Farrell. I wondered the same thing about Ioan Gruffudd for a while but I think Sanctum was the nail in the coffin.

  • Debra Kessing

    because he is a star. Refer "In Bruges," "Seven Psychopaths", a few others that were at least entertaining if not great, and lastly see: photo of the man without having had a bowl on his head. And listen to him speak. As himself. That is all.

  • DeaconG

    What does he have against BMW? Couldn't they have found some M-B's, Audi's or Caddys to drown?

  • emilya

    i know that this movie is based on a book of the same name, but each time i see a commercial for it i get rationally angry and think they are trying to trick people into seeing it by thinking it's an adaptation of the shakespeare play. i was SO excited when i thought that was what it was and now i'm disappointed and angry. hopefully the how did this get made episode will make up for it!

  • Maddy

    I know this wasn't your intention, but I really need to hate watch this/ and or someone needs to make up a drinking game

  • A. Smith

    I only saw the end and literally went "what the fuck?" So Farrell defeats Crowe and turns into a snowman after probably one of the least dramatic fist fights I've seen in a while after the whole angel horse/BMW sinking bit. Then to end everything, Farrell's character gets on his horse and flies up to be a star opposite his love's star on Orion's belt.

    I told this to a co-worker who was interested in seeing and he quickly backed off. I don't blame him. There are movies you avoid because they hit an emotional chord and then there are movies you avoid because they too dumb to be interesting, this is one of them.

  • idiosynchronic

    Have mercy on my wife - she saw this movie on Saturday while I and Idiosyncranky (id jr.) saw the LEGO movie. "I'm not going to watch that, it looks insipidly dumb," she said. But Winter's Tale is a complicated urban fantasy first written as a book, and even the book got ragged on for being arbitrarily complex, I said. But she insisted and went, even though she went in 10 minutes late.

    Afterwards, she complains, "That was weirdest damn movie I've ever seen. I think it brain-damaged me."

    Yesterday, I'm out of town doing work, & I texted her a question. 5 minutes later, she calls and is ranting about the local peer work group she just finished a meeting with and is belligerently confused about what I texted about. We get it resolved after I explain everything in the texts 3 times over again.

    I literally thought - Yes, my love, that movie really, really did give you senility - all day yesterday.

    I'm thankfully wrong - Verizon was again trying to sabotage my marriage by dropping text messages between us. Fuckers deserve to burn in hell along with Akiva Goldsman.

  • dizzylucy

    "about the horse: “Let him do his math.”"
    You had me right there.

  • meadowdancer

    LMAO I still don't understand wtf that means???? Gah. I am dying at work again from reading this review all over.

  • BlackRabbit

    Is the horse named Hans?

  • BobbFrapples

    I think I need to read the book now.

  • jennp421

    It's 750 pages. At least 500 of them are pure description. Don't do it.

  • Meghanf

    Is anyone pursued by a bear?

  • DominaNefret

    One of the members of the Pajiba Facebook group also did a super excellent review of this movie. Everyone should check that one out too.

  • emmalita

    That review was excellent.

  • Maddy

    This review was amazing and this movie sounds even more terrible than I assumed it would be. I can't believe Russell Crowe is in this movie - I don't even particularly like him, but he should be better than this.

  • meadowdancer

    I just cannot laughing. So seriously Russell Crowe was a demon? And WIll Smith was the devil? In a blazer? WTF is going on here?

  • bastich

    Just curious...did Colin Farrell's character ever get revenge on his barber for that haircut?

  • The haircut was a necessity. The horse only lets approach those who look like Simple Jack.

  • AvaLehra

    It's very Moe, without the benefit of the bangs...or Moe's idiosyncrasies.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I blame the demons.

  • Jim

    Sadly HR says I can't use that excuse any longer.

  • Bedewcrock

    A straightener-wielding demon with a bowl and clippers!

  • Mrs. Julien

    That's always best. Speaking of demons, don't you think Colin Farrell would be a demon in the sack and in the best possible way? Don't answer, it was rhetorical.

  • Guest

    I'm going to answer you anyway. Have you seen that sex tape? All I could say after seeing it was "Damn, son." Colin Farrell is very talented. Very Talented.

  • Guest

    I'm going to answer, in spite of you. Have you seen that sex tape? All I could say after seeing it was "Damn, son." Colin Farrell is very talented. Very talented.

  • Mrs. Julien

    IwillnotgointoaconferenceroomwithmyiPhone.
    IwillnotgointoaconferenceroomwithmyiPhone.
    IwillnotgointoaconferenceroomwithmyiPhone.
    IwillnotgointoaconferenceroomwithmyiPhone.
    IwillnotgointoaconferenceroomwithmyiPhone.
    IwillnotgointoaconferenceroomwithmyiPhone.

  • Dumily

    I will always and forever love Colin Farrell because
    1.) In Bruges
    2.) This post at GFY: http://www.gofugyourself.com/g...

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I know there was content on that GFY page, but all I saw was the picture and "HOT TANTRIC SEX" and I stopped reading (and maybe breathing)

  • Mrs. Julien

    ...and the dye job?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

    I'm so glad I broke my resolution not to visit Pajiba at work today.

    Also: Will Smith is in this? For reals? How have I not seen that mentioned in any ads/reviews? Is is supposed to be secret exciting mystery casting?

    In terms of the people saying yes...blame the producers. But I bet there a hell of a lot of people involved in the production who fought to make better choices and just lost. At least, that's how it's been on crappy shows I've worked on.

  • AvaLehra

    I'm so glad I broke my resolution not to visit Pajiba at work today.

    Me too!

  • AvaLehra

    Also, WHOA. Colin Farrell in that last pic is Dave Gahan circa "Songs of Faith and Devotion"

    http://media.giphy.com/media/M...

  • Al Borland's Beard

    So, is Colin Farrell back to picking scripts with a dartboard?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Nah. It was an easy paycheck. Many British and Irish actors are what you could call "mercenary". Michael Caine is known for playing anything that's not up in the trees by the count of three and not give a shit. Ben Kingsley, too (did you watch "Ender's Game"?).

  • strand0410

    People poo-poo over Kingsley's recent string of paychecks like Ender's Game or Prince of Persia, but there was that dark period in the mid 2000s when he was in that Uwe Boll movie, The Love Guru and that weird CGI Moses movie with another Boll-regular Christian Slater. The dude averages like 6 movies a year.

    I'd be more incensed about his money-grubbing, but Kingsley just chews the scenery like no one else and is completely shameless about it.

  • thatsmrsnyder

    Probably. His wisest career move would be just do whatever Martin McDonagh tells him to do and NOTHING ELSE.

  • narfna

    I think this review has had the opposite effect you intended, Amanda. I now want to see it even more. Then again, I'm one of those people who you tell not to touch that thing, and it only makes me want to touch it more.

  • BWeaves

    Lady Sybil died for this? There's no going back to Downton Abbey now.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Wouldn't not having to go back to Downton be reason enough to let one's character die?

  • BWeaves

    "Back to the water baby — he grows up to be Colin Farrell."

    Farrell likes these water baby stories. RE: "Ondine."

  • So, in other words, it's as awful a movie as Valentine's Day is a holiday?

  • What
    the
    hell.

    So it's not a "it's so bad, it's good" film? Because I kiiiiiind of want to see it based on this review. Which pretty much defeats the point of the last paragraph.

  • BWeaves

    "Actually, these people are basically baby murderers, who in their right mind would put a baby into a river in a model of a boat, and just hope for the best?"

    Jochebed, mother of Moses.

  • Well Pharaoh was pretty much gonna kill the little guy so baby in water basket wasn't too bad of an option.

    Winter's Tale parents have no excuse.

  • jennp421

    I think in the book, they had consumption and were going to get sent back to the old country to die so they figured they'd try to give him a shot in US ... so slightly better.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Do you suppose Jessica Brown Findlay got to shag Colin Farrell? That would make it all worth it, at least in my universe where Colin Farrell is made of excellent shagging and having access to said shagging would be comparable to "riding an angel horse about to leap off a skyscraper" in which that metaphor means "awesome and kind of transcendent".

  • Bodhi

    I sure hope she did. I would have it written into my contract & I highly doubt Colin would object

  • thatsmrsnyder

    Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I am pretty sure that Colin Farrell is an excellent shag in this actual universe. He is also one of the few "bad boys" who genuinely does it for me, even though I don't always find him physically attractive. I don't understand myself. (by my lions apparently do)

  • Dave Dorris

    Lions?

  • Mrs. Julien
  • Monica

    Yes, they're very well trained.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I tend to giggle when I see him. It's like he's Joey and I'm Phoebe and he just asked, "How you doin'?"

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yes, that's *exactly* it.

  • AvaLehra

    That would have been totally worth it.

  • strand0410

    Well, she had to leave Downton for SOMETHING right? And gosh, I hope it wasn't for this movie which has probably cratered her career prematurely.

  • AvaLehra

    I will watch Colin Farrell in anything. This is both a blessing and a curse.

  • Jim

    Oh, a "blurse" yes I've heard of those.

  • JJ

    Especially given that it's Farrell, I'd go with a "cussing."

  • AvaLehra

    Isn't a blurse what you carry your things in. ;)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Only if you're a Bluther.

  • Ofir Fishkin

    Is the novel any good?

  • It's one of a handful of books I've never been able to finish. It was so confusing and meandering and just flat out BORING AS FUCK that I gave up less than halfway through it, and I had to force myself to get that far. Good lord, but that was a painful experience.

  • jennp421

    I finished it a week or two ago. It didn't have much more plot than this, in fact, I think the review just cleared some things up for me. I admit that I may have missed it in the novel since I'm not sure how closely I was reading by the time I got to page 700. Dude is way too descriptive. Parts of it are nicely poetic but it was too much. So it started off okay, but I was just irritated by the end, and was waiting for this tear down.

  • Batesian

    It's one of my favorite books. But, as ljridley says, it's not everyone's cup of tea.

    (For what it's worth, my favorite parts have less to do with the magical realism than with the many quirky characters, and lots of great turns of phrase. All of which sound like they were jettisoned for the movie. Nice work, Goldsman.)

  • ljridley

    It's brand of magical-something isn't really in my wheelhouse, but my best friend loved the book. I remember the language being quite beautiful, but the sweeping epicness of the whole thing was a bit of a chore.

  • Ozioma

    This review was pure poetry.

  • kirbyjay

    I would watch Russell Crowe wipe his ass but I will pass on this. Drippy drek for sure.

  • Dave Dorris

    That would at least provide something useful to do with the script.

  • TK

    This film sounds like everything I expected it to be, and the review is everything I'd hoped it would be.

  • snrp

    Actual tears. In my eyes. This review is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

    I like phase two of Colin Farrell's film career: his characters vary their violence-to-tenderness ratios, but all make extensive use of his confused puppy face.

  • Still a better movie than Getaway.

  • PerpetualIntern

    "Stay away get away, get away get away"
    In my head every damn time someone mentions this movie.

  • meadowdancer

    Wow....so it's like trying to choose which STD you want to catch?

  • Even worse because at least normally choosing your own STD means having sex. This is like choosing which STD you want to catch from the dirty needle you sit on in a cessplosion of a public restroom while your intestines try to escape out your asshole half an hour after eating train station sushi.

  • I for one am pretty excited for the How Did This Get Made episode, if nothing else.

  • strand0410

    I was considering this given how much it resembled Kate and Leopold, one of my most confusingly favourite movies of all time but Jesus Christ... if this movie is even half as horrible as the review.

    Now I'm just waiting for Mantzoukas's "IT MAKES NO SENSE!"

  • Jim Johnson

    The only bad thing about this is it probably means I'm going to go see this movie this weekend. The podcast is always much more enjoyable when I've seen the movie.

  • narfna

    What is How Did This Get Made and how can I watch it.

  • Michelle

    Oh, I thought you were just hoping this was going to happen, but apparently it's next week's episode? I AM PUMPED.

  • Bodhi

    Oh HELL YES

  • I was just hoping that it would be an eventuality - the fact that it's already scheduled is that much better.

  • Michelle

    YOU ARE INTERNET MAGIC.

  • Darlene Kevin

    my classmate's mother-in-law Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­K­­­­­­е­­­­­­ѕ $­­­­74 an հ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­r on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­е­­­­­­τ. She has been without W­­­­­­ο­­­­­­r­­­­­­K for 7 Μ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but last Μ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ her ρ­­­­­­а­­­­У check was $­­­­21848 just W­­­­­­ο­­­­­­r­­­­­­King on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­е­­­­­­τ for a Ϝ­­­­­­е­­­­­­W հ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­rs. More Info,... WWW.Googleprojectjob2014gorgeo...

    ◆◆◆ ◆◆◆� ◆◆◆ ◆�◆◆◆ ◆◆◆Actual tears. In my eyes. This review is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

  • This is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

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