Pajiba

i have to go see this on sunday with 3 of my friends. we are all over 30. they all LOVE THESE BOOKS. help. me. godtopus.

at least the tickets were free.

I can't believe people still have the audacity (damn Obama getting me to use big words) to do movies and tv shows about vampires. Aside from Whedon's work does anyone really care? And even as somewhat of a diehard Whedon fan, I don't really care what he does with it. It's been played out. Let's move on.

Better fire up the MurderTank BSlim. This pile of emo shit will be #1 for at least three weeks.

:sobs:

"I'll use Zombies, instead of Vampires. Zombies that don't eat people, and walk around like normal humans in daylight...except they don't because the Sun causes their skin to stink like shit!"

By far the funniest thing I've read all day.

This review contains the only Dustin-stance I have ever seriously disagreed with.

I mean, seriously... the Buffy movie is just fucking awful.

It's also a stupid movie. Unrelentingly stupid. It's a Spanish soap opera without the accents

WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!! As a Spanish-speaking person with an accent I take offense to that. Spanish soap operas are the shit. You've obviously never seen La Madrastra, esse. Bruno OWNS Sam Jackson.

And your sorry little ass.

There already is zombie fiction, incredibly BAD zombie fiction, out there, so Mike R., you missed the bandwagon by mere inches. The book I'm thinking of is a mystery written in a Sex and The City style, and why yes, thank you for asking, it is even more vomit-inducing than that brief description sounds. Imagine SATC riddled with freaky zombie sex and diarrhea jokes. Hi-larious.

Maybe you could try some other supernatural being. I'm sure there's a few out there. Leprechauns, perhaps? Then you could lure the ladies to your lair with promises of post-coital Lucky Charms.

Did anyone else catch this girl from this movie on Letterman last night? She came across as either a huge stuck up bitch or the most awkward person I've ever seen. Still not sure which but Dave tried to carry the exchange the best he could but had a few subtle jabs that went right over her head.

I really HATE that I read these books. I hate that this stupid, co-dependent idiot and her undead stalker boyfriend are going to be portrayed as a great love story by hoi poloi. Son of a bitch...
"Snakes on a Plane." Ha ha. Freaking awesome. Awesome enough for me to add in this little gem:
http://xkcd.com/107/

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE DATER.

(OK, I stole that from the review in my local paper, but had to share it.)

everything comes to a head over a vampire baseball game (don't ask -- Meyer apparently couldn't think of a Quidditch equivalent for vampires, so she decided to throw down some retardation)...

Sir: How can you throw out a nugget like that and then instruct us, "don't ask"? I'll never read these books, never; but in the days to come when this POS movie makes its way to TNT I will have to sit down and watch the...baseball scene...?...just to find out WTF.

Oh, and thank you for that last paragraph. It may have saved me from a weekend of deep depression.

P.S. Mike R. for #1 Eloquence next week. Laughed. So. Hard.

Jerce I'll save you the trouble, there is nothing magical or interesting about the baseball scene. It's just a baseball game with sparkly pale people who can run really super fast.

I must admit, though: I really enjoyed the interview that the fwoopy-haired Cullen boy gave last week, when he said that the book felt like Meyer's personal fantasy that no one was ever supposed to find. That shit's pretty funny.

Fucking crazy Mormons.

I stand with Sofia on this. Telenovelas are the ultimate awesome. So yeah, fuck you!

But ooooooh I had been waiting for this review, and it delivered. I love it. I love it so much I want to suck its blood. And watch it glitter in the sunshine...what the fuck?

I swear, the more I read about Twilight the less I believe it's real. Every time it's a case of the squeaking "ARE YOU *KIDDING* ME? HOW CAN THIS EXIST?!" and then I die a little inside because it MUST be real.

But I think your conclusion might be right. Half the people I know who've read this do it with a sick pleasure, like me when I watch reality tv. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why?

Yeah I'll probably fucking watch this. But not in the theater. God not ever. I'd be too embarrassed to go.

And I've never seen so many close-ups of a single actor's face in a blockbuster movie. It's brilliant.

HA!

I know I'll see this movie at some point. Because if I read the book, I might as well lose what little sanity I have left and see the film.

I will beat you to death with my copy of New Moon.

The South Park episode this week dealt with this topic and was the best thing South Park has made since Imaginationland

Some sad, sick little part of me wants to read these books, just to see if they're as bad as I think they will be.

I just finished reading Dracula, followed by The Historian. Awesomeness. I think these books and/or this movie will probably make me enraged on the heels of such vampire classics. Maybe I'll wait until it's on TV someday when I can't get off the couch.

Jessica, I'd believe you were it not for the wealth of "Edward Cullen is the perfect man" products available in stores or as widgets to decorate your facebook page with. I'm sure there are people who appreciate them as harmless brain fluff, but apparently there are girls out there who genuinely believe that Edward Cullen is an appropriate romantic partner, and since he's all stalker-y that makes me nervous.

The more I think about it, the more I don't really see all that much wrong with Twilight, the movie. I saw Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the movie, and thought it sucked (pun intended) with the light of a thousand suns. PeeWee Herman as a vampire? Kristen Stewart, I mean Kristy Swanson, as a human who gets close to vampires. Donald Sutherland as the Giles type character. I didn't watch the TV show until about year 7 because the movie turned me off so badly. Then I went back and rented it from the beginning and loved the TV show.

Twilight is going to be stupid escapism, just like Buffy was. Probably not as good, but I think the girl viewers get it.

Wednesday, I thought Sex and the City WAS about zombies. You mean those women are supposed to be ALIVE? Damn, definitely fooled me. If that's the case, why do they dress them in corpse makeup?

Man I loved "Little Heaven"

Toad the Wet Sprocket may be slight, but I think they are also unfairly maligned.

Jules, I'll totally go see it with you. We could meet halfway. What's halfway between Baltimore and Philadelphia? Christiana or Wilmington or summat?

We can bring booze. And I will cackle, but try to keep it quiet. And we can make fun of the teenagers!

You can beat me anytime, though.

I'm with Julie. I'm sobbing in the corner of my room curled up with Breaking Dawn wondering how the fuck I got there. The first three were schlock that in spite of myself I enjoyed. But Breaking Dawn is all kinds of fucked up queerity.

I just want to wash my hands of this!

Now I excuse me while I google images of Robert Pattinson.

It brings a particular kind of warmth to my hateful heart when I think about how all the actors involved in this pile of crap will be forever typecast, cursed, never able to transcend their fleeting notoriety.

That my friends, is a fate worse than vampirism.

Thought about reading these out of some guilt ridden belief that I shouldn't avoid them simply because of the little gaggle of heavy-breathing gothlettes in the corner of the local book store. But ISABELLA SWAN? Hell no. Although wondering how the Mormon was going to cope with a glittery penis scene did nearly tempt me over again.

Report from person who attended the midnight showing (under duress): audience contained 98% dewy eyed tweenicles some of whom sobbed when whozy-whatsis - the guy who died in the Harry Potter movie and then lost his comb - appeared on the screen. Other 2% were mixed bag of "mini-metrosexuals," bored boyfriends carefully noting down the lines most likely to get them laid that night and 2 young men wearing BDU's.

Me, I spent the evening with a neat whiskey and my Netflixed Dr Who.

I read the first book back a looooong time ago, and thought it was a bit thrilling to experience, vicariously, that kind of lust. I read one chapter of the second book, and thought "Yeah, this is dumb." My 15-yr-old sister excitedly filled me in on the rest of the story, and I've since decided to force-feed her Narnia books until she pukes or falls ill from Laudable Literature Poisoning.

My frienemy said the film is awesome because it's just like the book. I said if you like it because it's just like the book, then it's not a good film at all. She slapped me.

There sure are some Judgy Judgersons all up in this thread today....

Wednesday, I find they also make family gatherings alot more fun too.

Props on a Toad the Wet Sprocket reference...

In the final words of Lost Boys a la Grampa "One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires."

I feel that way about teenagers. Everywhere.

Hey alm don't lump all of us into one group, thats stereotyping and I find it offensive.

Some of us don't wear panties, they bind.

It's good to see that your comments sections are working again. The way that tweens and teens flocked to this movie made me think that it would be stupid. Pattinson caused quite a stir @ an SF mall recently. The book the movie's based on sounds terrible though, like it's not even based on real vampire lore, although it's arguable that Buffy wasn't either (but it least it held on to some basics, like vampire's adversity to the sun, etc.) This is probably akin to watching The Lost Boys for this generation's teen girls, I take it. But with an even lousier soundtrack.

"The Lost Boys for this generation's teen girls, I take it. But with an even lousier soundtrack. "

You take that back, ph! You take that back RIGHT NOW! How DARE you insult the glorious glory of The Lost Boys soundtrack?!

Hey Dustin, remember that curse I cast on you after you dissed Star Wars? I think maybe I was too cruel. I should have just wished you'd be stung in the nipples by hornets, that would have been less painful.

You all are lucky though, your not in high school like me. Every single high school girl is reading this undead shit. I care about no vampire romance other that Whedon's. And I would love to join you on your killing spree Barbados Slim, on that night, blood will rain from the skies.

heh, sorry admin to have offended your delicate sensibilities!

i should have said, "getting undergarments of your choosing (or if you choose not to wear any, that's cool too) in a bunch"

better?

The book the movie's based on sounds terrible though, like it's not even based on real vampire lore, although it's arguable that Buffy wasn't either (but it least it held on to some basics, like vampire's adversity to the sun, etc.)

Thing is, everything vampire-related since Bram Stoker has discarded or altered original vampire lore, including the vulnerability to sunlight. Thing was, the changes (more or less) made some sense. Sparkling in sunlight absolutely does not.

You know what would be awesome? If this movie was successful, and we develop the whiny-teen-girl version of Tyler Perry fans. They will flood the comments, crying about how the reviewer, not being a whiny teen girl, just doesn't get it.

And you know what comes next? The whiny-teen-girl version of Pookie.

I absolutely cannot wait.

I'm just going to straight up say it: I just saw Twilight and it was without doubt the best cinematic experience of my young life. Never before have I experienced anything so transcendentally RETARDED. I just sat there for the entire film with my mouth open, going, "This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen. AND IT LOVE IT." I can't explain it. Dustin's right, it IS like crack. I'm so ashamed.

(But I will say that the wig they put on Jacob to make him look Native American alone was worth the $5 ticket price. Oh lord was it unflattering.)

I read these books out of curiosity. When I was in middle school (and fine, high school), I was OBSESSED with LJ Smith's Vampire Diaries. Same kind of thing - - tortured love affair between good, non-people-sucking vampire haunted by his dark nature and human girl. So I thought I might like Twilight. HOWEVER, while Elena in The Vampire Diaries was kind of badass and fearless and a little slutty, the chick in Twilight was boring, clingy, overly serious, and generally annoying. Plus, while exciting drama continued to occur in the Vampire Diaries even when the two main characters fell in love, stuff just kind of stops in Twilight. For like, 50 pages or something, they just kind of keep falling in love more and more and saying revoltingly dramatic lovey things to one another. It was ridiculous. I kept reading, but at no point was it a pleasurable experience, even a guilty pleasure.
So I wish I could say I won't see this, but knowing my love of vampire shit, I probably will.
I hate myself.

Well howdy all you vampire lovers out there....
From Stoker to Lost Boys to Anne Rice to Whedon we keep re-iventing this genre.
However, the only truly satisfying re-invention was Kate Beckingsale in leather pants.
I guess my next sci-fi convention outfit will be Cedric Diggory in action silk track suit with vampire fangs. Kinky to the max!

"We are currently breeding the most informed dummies in history."

Excellent.

Oh, my friends, how I wish I could partake in Dustin's optimism. But he must have gone to a movie theatre in one hip little town, because most teenaged girls I know take this shit Dead. Serious. I'm smack dab in the target demographic here, and I can not tell you how many facebook albums I've already seen called "OMG TWILIGHT I

I was a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer - the TV series. The movie was cheesy fun, but the series was awesome (for the first 6 years or so...). I found myself today wishing they could just do a very special episode where Buffy gets really pissed off about all the Bella-wannabees looking for their very own Edward - and Xander pointing out that Buffy really doesn't have much room to talk on that one, and as Buffy dithers trying to defend her own romantic choices she casually stakes Robert Pattinson without breaking a sweat (although WITH a pronounced eye-roll). But not before Xander gets in a quip about vampires and their extreme hair-product choices....

Damn, I miss Buffy.

In other news, my 12-year-old daughter is going to see this tonight and she's deliriously excited. I'm deliriously excited that another mom is chaperoning the movie, not me. I don't weep for my kid, though - the movie is designed to appeal to 12-year-old girls, it's not her fault she is one. She has given me every reason to believe she's going to be an awesome adult despite swooning over the idea of stalkerish sparkly fictional boys.

Dustin, you're right about the teenage fangirls loving Twilight for its sheer ridiculousness. I'm probably going to get lynched (or at the very least, have the mighty Godtopus set on me) for admitting this, but I'm one of those girls who'll be waiting in line for the advanced screening when the movie decides to finally get to Australia.

Twilight's crap. As a series, it's a literary travesty. Its characters are one dimensional works of an undeveloped writer. The supposed high level allusions to Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights and whatnot are vain, desperate attempts of Meyer to elevate the books past its status as badly conceived, albeit fucking addictive, teen literature.

But it's one of the main reasns why most Twilight fans I know actually like the series. We know it's shit. We know your mental capacity gets capped at 14 years in order to make it through the books. And we know that if some dude with possession issues decided to watch us while we slept every single night we wouldn't think it was romantic. But it's addictive, trashy crap we all enjoy because just when you think it can't get worse, it does.

The only difference now is that we get to watch it on the big screen. And at least Cedric Diggory's pretty.

Pardon me, but I just read this:

In one more painful twist, the Half-Blood Prince trailer is attached to prints of Twilight, the based-on-a-best-seller movie that is opening Friday because Half-Blood Prince isn't. (Originally, Twilight was going to hit theaters in December.)

That's a brand new trailer, mind you, not the one Dan posted.

I'd calmed back down about all this shit!!!!

I've read the damn books, laughed hysterically through all of the four books and wondered why it was a phenomenon.

However, my friend and I are planning on watching this movie as we have a deal, watch one shitty movie a year and laugh all the way through it. This year it falls down to Twilight, last year it was 27 dresses (which to my chagrin she loved) next year, who knows? Probably Movie Movie

Thank you alm. Finally there is someone on this website with a smattering of manners.

On a side note I am now developing a movie script. I want to get paid too bitches. It's about a zombie emo vampire chihuahua who learns kung fu from a panda to save the world from those that would seek to exterminate Twatwaffles.

Does it make sense? No, absolutely not. But it has a chihuahua with a faux hawk, eye make up and feelings of insecurity. Mix in some douche and I expect it should gross about 150 mil. Oh, and it's an original concept. Never been done before.

Now if you will exuse me I've got to get to court. I'm beng sued by every major studio for "stealing their ideas" Assholes.

Buffy the movie is FAAAAAR superior to the series.

PeeWee's death scene alone is utterly frigging brilliant; Kristy Swanson's Buffy was way more adorable/less bitchy than SMG (who has permanent bitch face [you know, that look like she's constantly smelling dog shit]--that's why she was so effective in Cruel Intentions); and if I thought prom at MY high school would be that kick-ass, I would, like, totally have gone.

"We are currently breeding the most informed dummies in history."

I'll be stealing that line. Thank you Mr. Slim.

Hey! I miss "Blind Date" (guilty pleasure).

Dude, people everywhere today are saying how audiences were laughing uproariously through this movie. I think Dustin might've hit on something when he said this was the new Snakes on a Plane, except that it's not SUPPOSED to be hilarious.

I can't WAIT to watch this now. Damnit.

I really hope you're wrong figgy. Because if you're not that means the public has actually managed to pull their collective heads out of their asses. I believe this might be the first sign of the apocolypse.

It may also mean that Dustin is the prophet written about in the scriptures of Godtopus. And to be honest, I don't care how bad this rash gets, that dude is not laying his pseudo-heterosexual, well manicured hands on me. I'd rather slowly go insane.

Um, here's the thing about the "hot vampire" genre and why it attracts the audience it does -- and please note, it is ALWAYS a young female audience:

Very, Very Good Looking Actors.

Brad Pitt, this Robert Pattinson guy and the man who plays Bill the Vampire in Trueblood.

nuff sed.

If the audience is lucky, the source material is well written and/or the script for the film or series is, as well. Regardless, the audience will come and stay as long as the Very Good Looking Actor makes their hearts go pitter pat. Period.

Well, I could give you a retread about the whole vampire/sex metaphor, but you already know all that. BUT THE KEY, dear hearts, is the Very Good Looking Actor.

Oh -- and that the ACTRESS be NOT Very Good Looking. That she be, in fact, JUST good looking enough, but close enough to average that the pitter patting hearts in the audience can imagine themselves, in the not-too-distant future, as growing into that look someday... and winning themselves a Very Good Looking Actor of their Very Own.

VOY-lah.

It's no fucking mystery.

Like a moth to a...fan?

I know several 12 year old girls, and more than a few 40 year old girls, that are absolutely in love with this douchebag. - Smokin

The thing is, those are two very VERY different groups. 12-year-old girls swoon over androgynous boys, and Edward, the - hee! - VEGETARIAN vampire, is pretty damn androgynous (and it's helpful that he's portrayed by a Very Good Looking Actor(tm Maryscott). I haven't read these books or seen the movie, but from what I understand from my kid, Edward is protective, very handsome in a non-threatening glittery way, he battles his evil (testosterone) bloodlust, and saves Bella from the truly evil (not androgynous) vampire who's out to (ravish) kill her. The novels sound like they're tripe. As a feminist, I'm a little appalled that my daughter isn't completely freaked out by Medievally Chivalrous Stalker Boy protecting/carrying clumsy weak Heroine. But it is COMPLETELY NORMAL for twelve-year-old girls to be into this. (I suspect the 16-year-olds laughing ironically at Dustin's screening read the first book when they were 12, fell madly in love with it, and couldn't stay away even though they see the whole thing very differently now.) Not every girl goes through it, but it's NORMAL. Princesses, then horses, then hot-yet-androgynous boys. [When I was 13, I saw Cheap Trick on "Night Flight" on USA Network (because I am really REALLY old), and for months I truly believed that if I didn't get to meet and marry Robin Zander I would die. Such is the power of the hot-yet-androgynous man in the mind of a 13-year-old girl.] It's NORMAL - and then they grow out of it. It's not the end of the world. As klaatu said, "they're kids, people."

40-year-olds who swoon over this shit, though, clearly have developmental disabilities. In 12-year-olds, it's called "age appropriate sexuality." In 40-year-olds, it's called, "oh for god's sake get a fucking life - one that does not include an Etsy shop of your original Twilight curios."

I've also been sucked into the Twilight books. Being well over sixteen, I went to Target in the dead of night to buy them, lest someone saw. They are awful and truly addictive. I kind of want to kill myself when Bella refers to Edward as "her miracle", but I appreciate the lack of mental effort required in reading said 500pg book. This review is spot on, and it warms my heart to know that the target audience doesn't take the books too seriously, either.

So yeah, I'm 22 and I read all the books. Like everyone has agreed, they are like crack. It was just nice to not watch shitty summer tv and actually use my brain.


Most of my friends read them too, and we laughed at the love story and how it was portrayed and how it could never, ever exist in the real world, outside of a 16-year-old's view of love. We all went to see the movie at midnight...and the movie was okay, but I think it was fun because we were all together and it's kind of a joke for us now. And Pattinson's reactions are so completely awkward it's amazing. I've never seen someone try to be so self-loathing as they gaze seductively into the camera..it's just amazing.



However, if there is a rich, hot male vampire with an need for someone to hang out/have hot vampire sex with forever (with the added bonus of never getting old), let me know.

So ... nobody else misses Carl Kolchak? Nobody even knows who Carl Kolchak IS?

I'll just feel really old and slink away now.

*old slink old slink old slink*

Of course I love Kolchak. And Barnabas Collins, for that matter.

Yeah, I saw it last night with a theater full of twittering teens. You're right Dustin. They snickered at the rediculousness and swooned at the swoony parts.

But I gotta say, Rob Pattinson is a right sexy bastard. Momma's got a bit of a cougar crush I must say.

I also think that Kristen Stewart and Bella Swan are one and the same. She seemed like an insufferable bitch on the Today show the other day and played the same throughout the whole movie.

Braving a room stuffed with hundreds of lust-crazed teenage girls, smelling of rainbows and pussy .... cats and loaded to the gills with raging hormones so we don't have to ...

Jeebus, Rowles, you're like ... like .... you're a fucking HERO is what you are! There should be some kind of monument to you, a ... I've got it! We should name a TOWN for you! That's it!

So may I present: Rowlesburg, W.Va. Go ahead, Google it with pride.

Yeah, you're right: The 'daddy gets shit DONE man.

Sometimes I like to write about my emotions irregardless of the stated topic. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about my position in the universe. On Friday I had a deep philosophical discussion with this guy that works for me, I told him I'm a big picture type of guy. My worker on occasion brings me down to his level and it totally fucks up my day, I don't need to think about bullshit. The fucking guy just don't understand what I'm trying to accomplish mentally. I told this fucking guy when I'm reading please don't stand over my shoulder because it totally fucks with me, and I can't be myself because I like to digest the shit I'm reading and I need a clear path to let my thoughts run free. And now that Christmas in coming he's going to want a big bonus which I don't mind paying, I give all of my guys bonuses, but this one fucking guy fucks with me so bad I'm starting to think he does it on purpose. I pay my guys real good, and I've taken them on vacation several times. Even when I had a girlfriend I would take all of my guys and their girlfriends on vacation. Maybe I should let this guy go out on his own so he will understand where I'm coming from.

Listen BSlim, you work your side of street and I'll work mine.

I'm sorry Pajiba, I can't muster up the same kind of hate that all of you do based on these little books and movies. I would really like to though, I'd like nothing more then to be another one of the eloquents hyperbolically criticizing everything you hate. A lot of my friends are really into the books and enjoyed the movie. I know it is bad but I just can't muster up the kind of hate all of you think this deserves.

Pookie,

I think I love you for two reasons:

1.) You used the word "irregardless"

2.) You want to be BFFs with BSlim

I hope you two kids work it out.

I've actually been fighting the almost-uncontrollable urge to give into my curiosity and see the movie. This review just might have snapped me back into reality, and for that, sir, I thank you. Thanks for taking one for the team.

*Phil my man, cue Somebody's Gotta Die by B.I.G. *

*as Barbado loads up*

bitter male is bitter, because robert pattinson was hot as FUCK

The operative word is "romance" as in extraordinarily resilient genre since the 19th century: yearn (yes) after the hot but safe (respectful, not going to force you but will love YOU even though you are not the hottie) guy because, as my 14-year-old daughter said, plaintively, "All the boys my age act so stupid. Will I ever find anyone I can have a conversation with that I'll also like, you know, LIKE like?" She didn't finish the books, because she hated the Bella character, but allowed as how the movie was fun. I think it was the collective experience of unleashed unapologetic girlhood in a world of Hannah Montana.

That's simple to answer ciji, maybe because those vampires wanted to experience going to high school instead of dropping out and getting a GED like so many teenagers do today. And as far as drinking blood is concerned, I wouldn't drink blood not even to get excepted into a fraternity.

re: the mocking girls - ontd_twatlight.

I'm incredibly impressed by this depiction of the movie - it was entirely accurate (albeit your failing to mention how much of a total bitch Bella Swan is), and it made me laugh. I'm not entirely sure what the film's target audience is, but if I can be considered a part of it, I was incredibly unimpressed. And yet, just as you described, I couldn't look away. It was a complete trainwreck - the acting coupled with the direction and my annoyance of the characters was just a complete mess...and I couldn't bring myself to stand up and walk out. I think part of it was my yearning to stumble across at least one thing that would make me feel it was worth it, along with my not wanting to blow 9.50.

FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!

Twilight is literary crack. We know is cheap and nasty, but once you start, it's hard to give it up. We love it, but we know it is utter shite.

First of all how many times do u have to take the same year in high school before they put you in special needs school?
second, "It turns out, the sun doesn't burn this strain of vampire; it turns them into Ziggy motherfucking Stardust" david bowie a vampire? now THAT makes sense.
and last but not least thank you thank you dustin for the buffy movie fondness, it was awesome in so many ways,
"They had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans."
best quote ever

It was beautiful...last night I went to see Quantum of Solace (which I liked, but not nearly as good as Casino Royale) at a little theater that gets a nice mix of big movies and lots of smaller indie flicks. They had tons of Twilight posters in the window, which confused me until I noticed that they had painted over them on the outside of the windows with things like "Friends don't let friends see.." etc.

I agree with you BSlim, if they want to cash in on the vampire craze they should begin cranking them out like trailer trash crank out babies.

Jerce, thanks so much for that link, that was HILARIOUS.

Wonderful review. You were lucky too, since the audience you were with were not rabid fans.

I love to hate Twilight. It's so easy and fun. I normally wouldn't voice my opinion of hate so loudly if it wasn't for the extreme amount of love Twilight gets for some reason. I'd be content to let it all just blow over, except that, because I'm in High School, I see first hand the rabidness that these fans sink to.

I know of at least two cases where people were hospitalized for a negative opinion of Twilight. (A fan threw a brick at a girl's head) I know of a lot of girls dumping boyfriends because they were not exactly like Edward. I know of a few boys who will not go near any girls who like Twilight, because they will be criticized for not being exactly like Edward.

It's a bit disturbing, and I severly hope that all you adults are right when saying they won't take this seriously after a while.

Hmm..you well and truly thrashed Twilight.High fives to you,dude ^^ ~

Personally I haven't read much of the books nor seen the movie,but from the prologue and ..first five paragraphs shown to me,it was horrible =D thanks for warning me to stay out of this,haha.

ANother clearly brainless movie pushed into overhype by its own hype. Said hype is probably better than the movie.

The main reason for the success of the 'books' & this crappy celluloid reel is b/c most females have become braindead blobs.

They are now obnoxious, snotty, Pampered-Princess Syndrome-infected, narcissistic, I-can-be-just-like-a-man-just-better, I-don't-need-men-but-I-still-want-one-but-only-pansy-boys-I-can-control b/c I-can-have-abortions-whenever-I-want bitches.

Twilight offers the mild-flavoured fem-bots an opportunity to fulfill these urgent desires.

Yeah...I'm a female, btw.

Only a few of us are thinking with a functioning brain. I mean, I enjoy crap as much as the next person. I like reasonably plotted, well-acted vampire films, & it's good to sometimes have a different spin on things.

But not so much that you smash headfirst into a toilet bowl.

You can't blame the average, non-thinking 12-year-old for being enamoured with this glossy pastry crust. You can't blame the execs for taking advantage of the fem-bots. They need to sell a movie. You CAN blame yourselves for contributing to the panting. This insult does not deserve the kind of attention it's gotten.

If I like a crappy movie or book, I honestly tell people why I like it, but NOT that it's GOOD.

Curiously, I thought the same thing for Red Eye, the illogical crap with the illogically overrated McAdams. Only I suspected some people KNEW they were fooled out of their $10 when they walked out of Red Eye, but no one will know they upped their stupidity hormones after they see Twilight.

Evidence: Yahoo has a story on Twilight's success, where the director talks about how she's inspired women to be more active behind the camera. Think about that....

More curiously: This site & Rotten Tomatoes both gave Twilight well-deserved stinker ratings, but also both gave Red Eye suspiciously 'great, gotta-see-this!' reviews.

Hmm....maybe if Kristen Stewart had been in "The Scrapbook part 2", she would've been deemed a 'star-actress' like McAdams, then maybe the critics would've thought Twilight was 'a timeless masterpiece'????

They didn't give this enough hype, looks like...

Testing new crackberry, nothing to see here. Go on with regularly scheduled bitching..

Homo says what?

Bucdaddy you brought back fond memories by mentioning Bella Lugosi, my brother and I would watch "Creature Feature" every Saturday night when we were younger.

Of course there's teenage girls (and older) who enjoy twilight as trash. There's a large lj community called 'TWATLIGHT' dedicated to mocking it all.

My friends and I are going to see the movie fro laughs. Most likely drunk.

We can recognise cockblocking, Mary Sue fanfiction like the next person.

I mean, Edward shows his love for Bella by cutting her brakes. That's creepy funny.

Sure, some girls (and grown women with families, see 'TwiMoms') take it oh so seriously. But same can be seen with some teenage (and older) guys and comics of dubious quality.

Definitely crack. That's how it was introduced to me!
That and people changing the Wikipedia entry to more accurately reflect the books e.g. "and Edward and Bella fell deeply in love despite neither one possessing a personality" etc.

$70.6 million. $70.6 fuckin' million.

I'd slit my wrists, but that would attract (non-vegetarian) vampires.
+++
Pookie,

Yeaaaaah. In Pittsburgh it was "Chiller Theater" with "Chilly Billy" Cardille on Saturday nights (Google images "Terminal Stare" for some hotness, she was one of his sidekicks). Chilly has a cameo or two in the original "Night of the Living Dead." I think he's the reporter to whom the sheriff says the famous line: "They're dead, they're ... all messed up."

When I was a kid I would occasionally stay at an aunt and uncle's place in the Cleveland suburbs and caught a Ghoulardi once or twice. That shit was nuts. He has an interesting backstory worth Wikiing.

I normally love love love Kristen Stewart, but...yeah, even she couldn't do anything with this material.

please don't PAY to see this ...
at least 10% is going to the Mormon church.

Giving your money to crazy people is never a good thing

I love it when the comments gain steam over the weekends. It leaves me with something to do besides work on a Monday morning until Dustin publishes the box-office roundup, which is going to cause some Pajiban to have an aneurysm.

What are the sentient among us to do?

Drink heavily, Che, and wait patiently for the Zombie and/or Spambot Apocalypse.

I would never go see this in a million years, and couldn't give one squat about the story or the audience.

Realy just wanted to say "WAY TO GO!!!" for the Toad reference from BTVS. The kicked ass!

um, spanish soap operas don't have accents because everyone is speaking in SPANISH (unless you count regional/country accents, which you can't probably identify)

I read the first 2 books and was not impressed. I can only imagine what schlock the movie turned out to be. My 60 year old virgin co-worker loved it, guess that speaks volumes, she also gave me a poster for Space Chimps.

I'm not sure if I agree with the idea that the audience is in on the joke. I'm a librarian and I get asked for this crap at least 5 or 6 times a day, from a myriad of people (usually female, very occasionally male). I've found the typical reader is either a pre-teen looking for parent approved smut or a middle-aged fangbanger trying to recapture their youth. They're serious, yo.

I however, will see it at the $2 movies, with several other librarians, who are looking forward to smuggling in baby bottles of Jack and yelling back at the screen. We all need hobbies.

An overwhelming majority of the girls at the high school I'm student teaching at are IN LOVE with the book series. They've read all of them (many are rereading), and the very word "Twilight" brings a paean of delight, while I couldn't even slog through Book 1. I don't understand the appeal, and I guess I never will (unless girls these days find bloodsucking arousing...).

I do look forward to trashing the movie version, and this review excites me even more.

This movie is a waste of $10.00. Admittedly, I have the whole series. I got sucked in on a flight to Honolulu and couldn't put down the book until I found out what happened to both of them. As for the book, I'd say get a library loan. I'm about to give them to my neighbor since she's a big fan. I don't really like any of the characters aside from Jacob, who atleast had a bit of interesting characterization, but it didn't redeem the whole series. My point is don't waste your money. I wanted the director and the screen-play writer to make the series richer or give it a little more oomph, and they disappointed me. Imo, this flick should've been straight to DVD.

So this is how I looked at Twilight the movie. I think overall it got bad reviews because it wasn't "exactly like the book" and because it was really cheesy and tacky at moments. But the thing is, the book is really cheesy. Now don't get me wrong, its addicting and amazing, but it's ultra cheesy at moments. I think when people read and are given the oppurtunity to imagine what each situation would be like, they look past what the situation really is. People went into the movie expecting to see what they imagined, but what they saw was what Stephanie Meyer and the director imagined. I mean what did you think it was going to look like when Edward sucked the venow out of Bella and when Edward first "smelled" Bella's scent. Of course it was going to look funny and probably stupid.
Overall though, I liked the movie. I thought it was an okay summary of the book. I liked all the little changes in the movie and how the directors didn't give page-by-page dialouge. I'd give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5.

"But Bella isn't scared of Edward, most likely because Bella is kind of an idiot and probably doesn't realize what her menstrual cycle is gonna do to that poor boy."

HAHAHAHAHA.

I thought the casting was great I really felt like they connected with their characters. I feel like the movie fell short with the directing and the screenwriting. It needed to be longer because too much of the book was cut out and anyone who hadn't read the book would have been confused and lost. Not to mention they would be missing out on some of the details that make the book so amazing. I really was hoping that the movie would have portrayed the book much better, and i hope that the sequel follows this classic novel much better then this one did. Oh and bravo to rob and kristen!!!

"It needed to be longer because too much of the book was cut out and anyone who hadn't read the book would have been confused and lost."

I don't think this at all. I went with a group of friends and about half of them hadn't read the books. By the end of the movie, everyone loved and understood the plot.

This review makes me want to watch the movie for the sole purpose of developing a higher level of creative lambasting because it seems that that is one of the pros when someone with taste watches it.. Hahahaha.

Very, Very Good Looking Actors.

Brad Pitt, this Robert Pattinson guy and the man who plays Bill the Vampire in Trueblood.

MaryScott speaks truth. I was never so flabbergasted as when my then-barely-fiftysomething mom escorted my teenage butt to the THEATER (she does not go to theaters for childhood ingrained religious reasons) to see "Interview with the Vampire."

I did not ask her to do this. I neither brought up the topic nor suggested the outing. Nor was I anything remotely close to a horror buff. (And I don't think she enjoyed the blood-n-guts in the slightest. She talks trash about the film to this day. But...y'know... BRAD PITT.)

I was...nonplussed.

But do u know who would make a way better edward,,, JOHNNY DEPP the hottest man alive :p and everyone knows that ;) he can always play better roles then anybody and LOOOK better ;)

johnny depppp is a better edward ;)

johnny is handsome alright. but hes too OLD for this.

i love twilight.
your of full of shit.

Ami is absolutely correct. Everyone burst out laughing as soon as edward came in to view. priceless.
-------------------
I have read all four books and yes i was obsessed like most teenage girls, but seriously, it's gone way too far! In my opinion, the book isn't too bad, maybe a little bit too long but not bad. The movie raped the book series. The movie is nothing like the book and ten times worse. So if you've only seen the movie and hate ut, don't think it's like the book. My friends and i went to see it (in australia)and we laughed all the way through at how terrible the acting was and how corny it was as well.
We're going to see it again just to laugh even more. But i have to admit bella's father, charlie, did an awesome as job.
It's pretty sad how girls are dumping their boyfriends just because they aren't "Edward Cullen". Come one! NO GUY is going to be him (200 years old, a vampire, mature at the age of 17 or sefless ALL the time). It's not real.

Thank you Dustin for posting this review. Excellent summary, couldn't get it anymore accurate especially with the teenage girls making a joke out of the movie :)

Dustin, you have a lot to learn about teens. Don't get me wrong - there are plenty annoying teenie bopers who are as ignorant as hell and desperatly chase each fad and cling to it until the next one comes a'rolling by. But there are other kinds of teens, too. There are the shriveled, bitter, sarcastic teens who dare to be witty. There are the bitchy, self-centered teens who actually have the balls to say what they really think about all this box-ofice bullshit. There are teens who are 'cool' in your sense - you just have to know where to look for them. Don't give up on all teens just because most of them have hideous, unberable personalities that make most want to gouge out their ears and eyes with the nearest pointy object. There are, and hopefully will always be, at least a few teens who are pretty damn dfferent from the rest.

Well...I just published a review of the movie and I would love if someone could prove me that I am wrong...
It won't be easy, tho.
http://tinyurl.com/3ot2do

look dude! you're absolutely and utterly full of shit! the movie was awesome and millions of people (not just teenage girls) have seen it and loved it! as for you and many IDIOT LOSER men who hate this movie, my guess is that u guyz are all losers who don't have the ability to comprehend any movie that doesn't star Steven Segul or Will Ferrell! so my advice is: next time you wanna review a movie, make a habit of actually WATCHING it instead of stalking teen girls, checking out their clothes, or eavesdropping on their convo.
EDWARD CULLEN IS HOT! EDWARD CULLEN IS HOT!

Thank you so much for this! Best and most accurate review for Twilight EVER.

Mike R.: Can't wait for the Book 1 haha... Profit!!

You'll fnd me rediculous. I loved the books (being a total loser, of course), hated the movie though I want it, and wanted to watch it again. And I'm not a fan girl that wants to be Isabella Swan, or wants to marry Edward. Shocking, I know. I was doing the same thing many of those girls were doing. Talking about how bad it would be.

I think it's funny how fangirls (or guys) are on here telling you that you are full of shit. They are yelling at you for having an opinion and then they give you their opinion. You have th right to your opinion just as they have the right to theirs. If they want to state it they should yell at you about giving yours. Just wanted to state that.

I'm one of those teenage girls that will respect your opinion, I won't tell you how I think you're wrong about the movie. Quite frankly, in a way, you are correct. I was going to pinpoint how different the movie was going to be from the book, instead I got sucked in and walked out of the theatre with a jaded expression on my face. It's a dull movie, and it's like hearing a lecture for hours from a monotoned teacher. Droning on about nothing in particular.

Bella, she seemed egotistical to me, always talking about herself. Edward was a hardass. Jacob (though I presonally love his wolfyness) was too much of a twelve year old girl for me.

All that ^, and from a fan.

To the fans:
Imagine that people, I have a life, just enough of a life to not fall in-love (head-over-heels) for a fictional character in a book, that will never come to life magically. AND NO, ROBERT PATTENSON IS NOT EDWARD. HE portrayed EDWARD, there is a difference, learn it.

i havn't seen the movie yet but i love the books

to be onest i'm a little afraid to see it :(

Rob Pattinson is sooooooo hott!! :)

I think Stephanie Myers could have easily condensed all four books into one. I actually read from Chapter five, and then skipped to the end of Eclips, and I still knew what was going on. When you can skip 108 pages in a book and still know what's going on, it's a crappy book.

first,
twilight is amazing.
second,
it doesnt matter what you say because your a piece of CRAP!
o and three,
FUCK YOU!!!

i don't understand what is the appeal of Robert Pattinson (Edward); he has an unusually shaped nose

OMG!I Love Robbert Pattison so much and the movie was like totally awsome i cant belive people think its stupid its like totaly awsome im downloading it on my ipod and buying the movie beacause of how much i love it i just need breaking dawn to complete the book series i cant wait till new moon comes out and eclipse ohh also breakindg dawn of course lol!

What a stupid book and movie, can't believe people even read this crap.

Ahaha!! Your comment is absolutely wonderful, hit the dooshbag right on the spot!

In defense of all teenage girl with common sense and self-respect however, I must say that not all of us are like that. Some girls actually have brains instead of marshmallows.

Personally, I've never seen a vampire movie, but I'll checkout Twilight just for the pure lulz of it. It'd make a good laugh.

Twilight sucks, an epic fail to the end.

Sign out. :p