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Pissing in the Pumpkin Patch


The Haunting of Molly Hartley / Ranylt Richildis

Film Reviews | November 1, 2008 | Comments (24)


Horror fans should know better than to waste precious Hallowe’en hours on tepid fright flicks, but someone had to review Mickey Liddell’s The Haunting of Molly Hartley. Experiencing lackluster horror on the big screen on October 31 just doubles our disappointment, though — maybe our expectations for horror are artificially high around Hallowe’en, and we get bitter when we’re let down. There are some good ingredients in Liddell’s film, but they’re wasted by inept execution. Liddell and his writers (who I won’t shame by naming) borrowed from horror standbys like Carrie and The Omen without understanding their sources. They dab religion and parental angst and scary voices and Satanism onscreen without coming up with a cohesive painting — not even a half-decent expressionistic one. What’s worse, the movie seems to have been focus-grouped to a pack of pearl-clutchers; there are edits in Molly Hartley that suggest the filmmakers intended to show or tell us more about scenes that wound up getting torn out or calmed down by Liddell’s overlords. Add to this dialogue that would have been sniffed at by an ’80s-TV audience, six (six!) faux screen-startles better suited to horror spoofs, contrivances good horror directors learned to avoid decades back, and acting that can be called, at best, unenergetic. I’m not sure even the teen demographic the movie was intended for will take much home from this one, except maybe crushes on Haley Bennett (who plays the title role) or Chace Crawford (under hair and eyebrows so Zac Efron, they’ve probably been trademarked).

Molly Hartley opens in a forest in 1997, where a teenager named Laurel (Jessica Lowndes) is following a clothes-line decorated by notes that read Follow and Keep going. The line leads her to a cabin, and when she steps inside, we get our second screen-startle in the form of Laurel’s boyfriend (we’ve already been startled by wildlife), whose idea of romance is a Blair-Witch shack and a piece of jewelry. Laurel is creeped out, but she’s also touched. Their kiss is broken by a searing pain in Laurel’s head and by the appearance of her father (screen-startle number three), who drags his daughter off in his truck and starts ranting about The Darkness. Laurel, on the edge of eighteen, is about to Become something her father can’t stomach — he rams the truck into a tree and finishes his kid off with a shard of glass. Cut to the Present Day, where Molly Hartley (Bennett) suffers from the same kind of headache Laurel experienced — we know it’s the same because it’s accompanied by the same high-pitched reverb sound effect. She also has auditory and visual hallucinations, and multiple nosebleeds — just the sort of baggage welcomed by any teenager about to deal with her first day at a new school. She and her father (Jake Weber, who’s dialed to the same harried-parent frequency he adopts in “Medium”) have just relocated to a new town, and Molly’s been enrolled in a tony prep academy. She’s not a happy kid — she hates her uniform and her dad when we first meet her, and she’s sick of nightmares.

From here on in, it’s a lazy game of connect-the-dots on the part of the filmmakers: Molly attracts the attention of the class heartthrob, Joseph (Crawford), who naturally has a jealous girlfriend (AnnaLynne McCord), who in turn harasses Molly, whose only allies are the two most unpopular girls in school: Alexis the Christian wingnut (Shanna Collins) and Leah the tough-chick outcast (Shannon Marie Woodward). Molly’s social trauma is aggravated by the fact that her mother, who tried to kill her with a pair of scissors, makes her home in the local nuthouse. It’s also aggravated by the fact that Molly’s on the cusp of her dirty-pillows years — like Laurel (and countless screen teens before her), Molly has a parent who would rather kill her than let her grow up. That parent may be locked away, but Molly’s link to the dead Laurel suggests her mother may be more martyr than psychopath. Pitting parent against child — generation against generation — is a tried-and-true horror trope; sometimes the commentary takes the elder’s side (like in The Omen) and sometimes the offspring’s (my favorite example in this vein is Bob Balaban’s Parents, which deserves a Pajiba retrospective). Sometimes filmmakers tap into our fear of authority and sometimes our fear of unfathomable teens and the disconnect between generations. Liddell, it turns out, is dealing with the latter, here, but he doesn’t deal with it in any memorable or coherent way — and if he’s trying to form complex or detached resolutions, he only ends up looking muddled.

He also seems a little muddled on the religion front. Liddell may have set out to make a Christian horror movie, or a movie partly about the horror of Christianity, and the fact that I can’t tell what he was trying to say about religion (if he was trying to say anything, which is also debatable) makes his filmmaking seem even wobblier. Self-respecting horror fans are aware of Christianity’s place of honor in the genre, often as a sanctuary from the terrors onscreen. In the venerable horror flicks of the 1970s and ’80s, priests and churches were usually cast as benign foils to the Devil — as expected refuges whose virtue and authority were unquestioned by filmmaker or audience. But other horror films, like Carrie, make fundamentalism their devil; Molly Hartley pulls from the Protestant wingnut tradition rather than the Catholic one, but the presentation is the same. It makes sense for an American horror director in 2008 to replace Catholicism with Protestant fundamentalism, considering the latter’s cultural visibility these days; though he isn’t the first, props to Liddell for updating the old Satanism sub-genre with today’s loudest strain of American soul-saving (the smells and bells of Catholicism seem positively mousy in comparison). I don’t care what flavor of religion is represented in a horror movie, or whether it’s deployed as a positive or a negative or even as a neutral — unaccompanied by commentary — but I do care about confused filmmaking. We can’t tell if Liddell gets the difference between religion and religious zealotry, or if zealotry is something he privileges or critiques. The character of Alexis is unresolved, and (at the risk of spoiler-ing), her death (?) looks like it fell prey to one of those studio-commanded edits, as if someone told Liddell to soften her outcome for Bible Belt viewers. Alexis’ pushy brand of devotion comes off offensive in some scenes and justified in others — it’s a curious nuance unlikely to be deliberate in the hands of Molly Hartley’s hacks, so it’s probably the result of weak filmmaking or studio interference. In any case, it inexplicably got up my nose, and it’s really the only thing worth discussing about the movie.

Nothing else makes any kind of impression. Not the lifeless lead or the rest of the C-List fame-chasers involved (Weber’s presence in Wendigo suggested he might have a nose for halfway good off-the-beaten path horror scripts — not so). Not the barely-there frights or atmosphere. Not the Crawford-imported “Gossip Girl” dynamics of high-school life. Definitely not the stupid stupid stupid screen-startles that should be grounds for having Liddell’s horror-helmer card rescinded. Molly Hartley is worse than generic — it doesn’t communicate any passion for story or genre, but it’s also too corny and clumsy to beg for inclusion in the breed of quiet, subtle, and thoughtful somewhat-horror films I kind of love. It doesn’t do anything well, which even “good” bad or mediocre horror movies sometimes pull off: There isn’t a fine soundtrack, or a great death scene, or an appealing character, or a patch of originality, or an accomplished homage, or a stunning piece of composition, or a convincing atmosphere, or an interesting subtext to be found here. I got served a mouthful of raw pumpkin flesh yesterday by a horror director who couldn’t even be bothered to pass the salt.

Ranylt Richildis plays with words and ideas in Ottawa, Canada.


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Comments

Thank you for confirming my fear about this movie.

Posted by: duckandcover at November 1, 2008 2:28 PM

This one looked like several flavours of lame - and now it's been confirmed. Horror movies have lately stepped into crappy plots with crappier acting... and that's supposed to be reserved for horror sequels.

Posted by: Goldie at November 1, 2008 2:31 PM

"...there are edits in Molly Hartley that suggest the filmmakers intended to show or tell us more about scenes that wound up getting torn out or calmed down..."


It's rated PG-13. That's 50% of the suck right there.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 1, 2008 3:07 PM

Wendigo as a sign of good taste? Well, I guess the screenplay wasn't the cause of my problems with that film.

I'm sorry you had to review this. Really I am.

Nothing is worse than lackluster horror. At least bad horror gives you something to really write about.

Posted by: Robert at November 1, 2008 4:25 PM

Kudos for the nod to Wendigo. And thanks for, if nothing else, eloquently confirming my suspicions about this one.

Posted by: TK at November 1, 2008 4:35 PM

Hmmm... I've never heard of this movie before. I will now forget about it and hopefully never hear of it again.

Posted by: the_wakeful at November 1, 2008 6:23 PM

"...Molly's on the cusp of her dirty-pillows years..."

That's classic. Makes me want to break out my best Piper Laurie impression.

I will now go off and sit shiva with my mother over the current state of horror films.

Posted by: Alabamapink at November 1, 2008 7:57 PM

Alabamapink, I'll be over with kugel.

Posted by: lizling at November 1, 2008 11:01 PM

I haven't seen Wendigo. So I guess Ranylt's pain was not exactly all for naught. I've been inspired to try something new!

Posted by: Gabs at November 2, 2008 6:26 AM

It's interesting that horror is the genre most likely to show religion in a positive light. But I guess it makes sense. If they want a foil for the evil, religion is cheap and easy and the audience will understand even if they dont agree.

Posted by: EricD at November 2, 2008 6:44 AM

I've developed an irrational distaste for AnnaLynne McCord after her Nip/Tuck stint and the rest of the cast except for Jake Weber sounds annoying as hell. I never saw Wendigo, but Jake was dreamy in Dawn of the Dead... I'll have to look that movie up.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 2, 2008 4:00 PM

I'll admit that I'd only seen about half of a trailer for this one, so I really had no idea what it was about other than, yanno, the usual random evil crap... but I kinda had a glimmer of hope for it.

Alas, all for naught. Just like always. I think Horror and I are going to have to break up.

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 2, 2008 5:59 PM

I will now go off and sit shiva with my mother over the current state of horror films.

Posted by: Alabamapink at November 1, 2008 7:57 PM

Alabamapink, I'll be over with kugel.

Posted by: lizling at November 1, 2008 11:01 PM

The Jewish Mother in me just wants to hug you both and pinch your cheeks. Too bad I never actually had kids.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 2, 2008 7:25 PM

I think it speaks volumes that, in the still shot that accompanies this review, the person wielding the scissors is holding them so far down the...shaft? blades? Stabby part? that they would be a pretty ineffectual. Much like the film. Ta-da.

Posted by: peachfish at November 2, 2008 8:43 PM

Hmm, that picture looks familiar, like how my family used to cut my hair. Or what I want to do to the professional hairdressers that I go to when they expect me to pay money for the shit on my head.


Back to the movie, it does look like crap. Like a film I'd watch if I were sick and had gone through all of my good movies, and I turn it off and go, "Meh".

One horror movie I would watch all the way through is Dying Breed, because it looks so awesomely horrible.

Posted by: bakers_dozen at November 3, 2008 3:03 AM

May I ask a question that has nothing to do with this abomination of a movie?
How do the "regulars" of this site find the time to post in every thread, and even have discussions with other posters?
I procrastinate quite a lot at work, but not enough to have the time to post here every 15 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the banter between you guys (and gals), but I really am curious about this.
Perhaps it's the time difference (I'm in the UK)... but then again I can't be arsed to check at what time of the day most people make their posts.

Posted by: Sofia at November 3, 2008 9:54 AM

You know, the one thing that pissed me off about Wendigo was the script. It wasn't terrible, but the way those parents cursed up a storm right in front of their young son was just wrong.

And let me just point out here that I am a junkie for all things Wendigo-related, from Algernon Blackwood to "Charmed" and "Supernatural."

Posted by: Todd at November 3, 2008 10:09 AM

Ranylt, you're an effing good writer. I never gave two craps about this movie, but I read your review anyway because you're a reliably coherent, thoughtful, and funny writer. Where others simply spout off as many pop references and mixed metaphors they can think of, you actually know film and communicate it well.

Posted by: Susquehana at November 3, 2008 2:35 PM

wow even if i hadnt been in front of three huge groups of "whispering loudly doesnt mean im talking" thirteen year olds who are just "omg so excited they dont need their parents to come with them to the movies so they can make out and talk shit about the UUber whore who is sitting with their bf", this movie still would have sucked just not as much as the lame conversation behind me did...actually abercrombie jr. behind me had a lot more to say then the cast in the movie did not to mention that the ending confused the hell out of me and my fellow "i dont give a shit about who is sitting with your bf DEAL WITH IT" group(possibly only 5% of the theater)so will someone who actually went to this movie in silence please explain how the church chick dies but not the bitchy ex gf of the main man?

Posted by: aly at November 10, 2008 12:24 PM

wow even if i hadnt been in front of three huge groups of "whispering loudly doesnt mean im talking" thirteen year olds who are just "omg so excited they dont need their parents to come with them to the movies so they can make out and talk shit about the UUber whore who is sitting with their bf", this movie still would have sucked just not as much as the lame conversation behind me did...actually abercrombie jr. behind me had a lot more to say then the cast in the movie did not to mention that the ending confused the hell out of me and my fellow "i dont give a shit about who is sitting with your bf DEAL WITH IT" group(possibly only 5% of the theater)so will someone who actually went to this movie in silence please explain how the church chick dies but not the bitchy ex gf of the main man?

Posted by: aly at November 10, 2008 12:24 PM

Does anyone know how i can get a shirt like the one she is wearing in the picture above?..i want to get that for my girlfriend bc she was obsessed with it when we saw this movie..haha..thanks

Posted by: Josh at November 28, 2008 1:44 PM

Does anyone know how i can get a shirt like the one she is wearing in the picture above?..i want to get that for my girlfriend bc she was obsessed with it when we saw this movie..haha..thanks

Posted by: Josh at November 28, 2008 1:45 PM

I really want the shirt she's wearing there, it's really cute. As for the movie what'd you expect?
All horror movies these days are shiitt.

Posted by: megan at March 7, 2009 1:16 AM

I really want the shirt she's wearing there, it's really cute. As for the movie what'd you expect?
All horror movies these days are shiitt.

Posted by: megan at March 7, 2009 1:21 AM