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I’ll Follow You Into the Dark

Tell No One / Ne le Dis à Personne : Boozehound Cinephile / Ted Boynton

Film Reviews | August 22, 2008 | Comments (98)


Pop Culture Item Consumed: Tell No One née Ne le Dis à Personne, a French mystery/thriller from director Guillaume Canet. Somehow this one slipped past us and has not been reviewed, but it is still available in art house theaters. Considering that Tell No One is the best 2008 release I’ve seen, I highly recommend it. Here’s the Boozehound’s list so far:

1) Tell No One

2) Iron Man (face reality, haters)

3) The Dark Knight

4) The Wackness

5) Frozen River

894) Sex and the City

1,894) Mamma Mia

Okay, I haven’t really seen that last one.

Beverage Consumed: About three-quarters of a pint bottle of Wild Turkey — in fairness to me, the film runs a little over two hours. Sorry to repeat bourbon on you, but I get a sense of satisfaction from sneaking whiskey into movies, and not everyone provides a pint option. (Suck it, Blanton’s.) Wild Turkey mixes with damn near anything — I’ve drunk it with at least 20 other liquids, including my own vomit — and the crescent curve in the pint bottle nestles neatly around my wiener for commando smuggling operations. See, it’s a really big crescent shape in the bottle ….

Summary of Action: How much do you love those random bits of circumstance that result in your not having that grim Thursday-Friday work thing you dreaded for weeks? Thursday morning, 10:00 a.m., I officially confirmed my freedom through the weekend; time for a movie treat. Tell No One has received surprising critical props, and beyond that I knew nothing about it. The last time I went into a film knowing virtually nothing about its cast, plot, or production, The Wackness blew the top of my head off. Worst case is a Thursday afternoon spent drunk and not working. Even another viewing of Crash would be acceptable on those terms.

Tell No One, a taut thriller with a dark, sentimental heart, took me utterly by surprise in the best way. As the story opens, French pediatrician Alex Beck (François Cluzet) enjoys an evening in the countryside with his wife Margot, relaxing over dinner with friends and family, then re-visiting a childhood memory with some husband-and-wife skinny-dipping at a nearby lake. Years before, a prepubescent Alex wooed young Margot there, carving their initials and a heart into a tree. After adult Alex and Margot fondly visit this tender memorial, they swim and lie tenderly on a float in the lake until a minor squabble sends her back to the car. Moments later, Margot cries out for Alex. As he swims toward her voice with panicky strokes and emerges from the water, Alex takes a blow to the head and blacks out.

Cut to eight years later. Margot died that night, apparently at the hands of a serial killer who claimed seven other victims in the area. Alex joylessly but diligently works at his medical practice, a benevolent force for the children in his care, though internally he’s still burrowing through insurmountable grief over his wife’s death. Initially a suspect in Margot’s death eight years before, Alex saw the serial killer convicted of her murder. Subsequently Alex constructed a shell of normalcy, earning the trust of his patients’ frightened parents, taking solace in the companionship of his beautiful Briard dog, and socializing almost exclusively with his sister Anne (Marina Hands) and her lesbian partner Hélène (Kristin Scott Thomas). (Yes, Kristin Scott Thomas plays a hot lesbian who speaks flawless French. And that’s only the fifth best reason to see Tell No One.)

As the anniversary of Margot’s murder nears, Alex begins receiving mysterious e-mails relating to Margot; first a video clip purporting to show her alive in another country, apparently trying to signal him, then an invitation strongly implying that she wants to meet him the next day at a nearby park — with a cryptic warning that “they are watching.” Just as these events unfold, the police begin probing Margot’s murder anew in response to newly discovered photos, taken months before the murder, showing a battered and bruised Margot and suggesting serious domestic violence against her not long before her death. At the same time, a pair of male bodies turns up in the woods around the lake where Margot was kidnapped, bearing DNA evidence potentially tying Alex to the murder.

As the fragile calm of Alex’s world disintegrates, so does his perspective on Margot. Making his own inquiries into the source of the photos, he learns from the friend who took them that Margot had hidden her injuries from Alex, lying to him that she was in a car accident. As Alex presses forward, it begins to appear that infidelity on Margot’s part led to a serious beating from her lover, though the confusing circumstances of her death only become murkier with each new piece of information.

As Alex pushes his own inquiries, it becomes clear that someone other than the police wants to pin Margot’s death on Alex. Alex soon finds himself stalked by strangers, framed for a second murder, and forced to go on the run, not only to find out what happened, but to keep his date with the mysterious e-mailer who may be his long lost wife. After the initial shock of learning that Margot might be alive, Alex seeks out close friend and confidante Hélène, his sister’s lover, who connects him with an influential defense attorney and helps him work through the puzzle of Margot’s whereabouts. (As we discuss Kristin Scott Thomas, let’s set boners on “inadvertently knock over vase.”) Thomas has never looked more beautiful than here, wearing her years with wistful grace and providing a decade’s worth of exposition about Alex’s life with only a few scattered, murmured comments. Among the many fine qualities of Tell No One is its treatment of Hélène and Anne as an utterly ordinary couple, sharing a child, engaging in petty squabbles — their lesbian relationship is never explained or justified but is treated just as a heterosexual relationship would be in comparable circumstances. It just is, and that’s a confident signal of mature writing and directing.

After the frame-up, Alex flees and calls on the one acquaintance who can help him operate in such an environment: Bruno (Gilles Lellouche), the young gangster father of a hemophiliac child. Bruno owes Alex a deep debt after Alex not only diagnosed Bruno’s son but saved Bruno from false charges of child abuse relating to the boy’s suspicious bruising. That may be the only crime Bruno was ever falsely accused of, however, as he quickly and professionally shows his underworld connections in setting Alex on the road to answers about Margot. Lellouche does excellent work selling Bruno as a tough thug with a soft spot for his kid, and equally important, for anyone who helps his kid.

Tell No One presents a dazzling example of embracing genre conventions while also elevating them. Clearly influenced by films such as Caché and The Fugitive, Tell No One elects not to strain to find detours around genre tropes, instead choosing simply to de-emphasize them while respecting the viewer with plausible but unobtrusive stepping stones to propel the story. For example, instead of fumbling around for an original reason to suspect Alex in Margot’s death — when, really, all that matters is establishing that he is a suspect — there is a brief reference to a large life insurance policy. This fundamental yet inessential point is buried within a sequence that acts as a subtle commentary on Alex’s relationship with the police, as we learn that they initially focused so closely on Alex following Margot’s disappearance that they neglected an opportunity to catch the killer while Margot was still alive. The subtle indictment of their zeal to convict Alex provides a compelling justification for Alex’s decision to run as soon as he is accused, despite the doubts it casts on his innocence.

In the meantime, Tell No One leads us on a wild chase through a careening plot, hitting the suspense formula marks only in service to the downhill thrills between the turns, occasionally dotting the proceedings with small but resonant bits of action. Tell No One also works well as an ensemble piece in the spirit of Lantana, with a uniformly excellent cast where each character holds an important piece of the narrative puzzle, their conversations flowing in a natural way while maintaining the shifting intrigue of each character’s involvement in the unfolding story. That said, Cluzet is a revelation as Alex, owning the film. Advance reviews pegged him as a Dustin Hoffman lookalike, and that’s apt as far as his physicality goes. His overall presence, however, presents a mysterious amalgam of a blade-like Gallic countenance with David Strathairn studiousness. With piercing eyes and a profound scowl, Cluzet inhabits every moment of every frame he’s in, speaking in short bursts or simply remaining silent, yet filling his scenes with a magnetism of grief, turning to bewilderment, turning to grim determination.

While the resolution of Tell No One necessarily provides a surprise, there’s no gimmicky “twist for the sake of a twist” ending. We know almost from the start that something isn’t right about the official version of Margot’s death; it’s merely a matter of figuring out where the bizarre trail of clues and deception will lead. The last half-hour of the film presents one of the most affecting combinations of suspense and moving character resolution that I’ve seen in years, ending with a genuinely earned emotional wallop that you may see coming but that will still sweep you up and shake you.

Despite all that I’ve said, I can’t do justice to the impact this movie had on me. Tell No One is a beautiful example of filmmaking craftsmanship, incredibly entertaining, deeply moving, and well worth a trip to the cinema. As a bonus, if you go this weekend the theater will probably be empty, so you can enjoy your whiskey in peace.

How the Pairing Held Up: Drinking whiskey in a dark, empty theater at 2:00 p.m. on a weekday? Even if it’s not porn, you can’t go wrong with that.

Tastes Like: Accepting warm whiskey and cigarette smoke from Kristin Scott Thomas’s mouth during a deep tongue kiss. Bwuh, I just Pajiba’ed myself.

Overall Rating: A perfect, perfect ten.

Ted Boynton is a dedicated sot who would leave his barstool only to stalk Whit Stillman, if anyone could find Whit Stillman. Ted also manages to hold down a job and a wife, three hours each per day, whether they need it or not. Readers may scold, hector, admonish or taunt Ted by e-mailing him at thecarygrantrules@hotmail.com.


Elegy | Death Race



Comments

I started skimming your write-up, and saw a leetle too much detail (for me). So I'm coming back to really read and comment after I see it (hopefully tonight). Back later!

Posted by: Cindy at August 22, 2008 11:38 AM

This looks great, I'll have to see if it's playing around here.
Also, I don't think I'll ever look at a bottle of Wild Turkey the same way again. They're all gonna look like dick-huggers now. Thanks?

Posted by: Sharon at August 22, 2008 11:39 AM

Despite the level of detail provided, those aren't spoilers, though I was concerned they might be perceived as such; trust me, I only scratched the surface to provide some flava. tb

Posted by: ted boynton at August 22, 2008 11:42 AM

THE WACKNESS blew my face off too. I totally agree with your top four and just haven't seen the fifth one.

I also really, really enjoyed the way this movie brought in the doctor's thuggish friend -- they dress the doctor in a tracksuit and suddenly his entire identity has changed. Interesting for sure.

Posted by: Caroline at August 22, 2008 11:48 AM

I'm seeing this at 1:30 this afternoon. Suck on it clients!!
Thanks Ted. Unfortunately I have to drive to the nearest art house so my Pimms has to stay at home.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 22, 2008 11:51 AM

Stupid Orlando! There are no theatres playing this anywhere near me! Is there a DVD coming out soon?

Not scheduled yet, I don't believe, but the lag time gets shorter and shorter, particularly for smaller films. tb

Posted by: Trouble at August 22, 2008 11:55 AM

I skimmed much of the plot description, but from what I read this sounds absolutely amazing. I'll have to see it at the local art house theater with a contraband bottle of wine. And the fact that you referenced Lantana (!!!) had me nearly squealing at my desk, I LOVE that movie.

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 11:58 AM

I was worried this movie would be overlooked by Pajiba. The boyfriend and I agree it's the best movie we've seen this year. All I can say is best use of a U2 song ever!

Posted by: Lex at August 22, 2008 12:00 PM

You had me until "Clearly influenced by films such as Caché". Did you like Caché? Because I couldn't stand that movie, and if you liked it that's important info I need to make my movie-viewing decision.


I appreciated Caché and thought they did a great job with the atmosphere; I can't say I loved it, nor am I a huge fan of Harrison Ford's The Fugitive. They're both significant as genre films, however, and definitely shaped Tell No One. Just trust me on this one. tb

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 22, 2008 12:02 PM

tb, you caddish sot (or is it sottish cad - you decide)?

Your write-up has energized me about a movie like nothing in recent memory. Kristin Scott-Thomas has failed to make a permanent impression on my memory to date; even after perusing her credits on imdb she is still a visual phantom to me. Mind you, I've seen several of her movies - I just couldn't pick her out of a lineup.

You have me hopeful that that will change once I'm able to see this film, but in flyover country I suspect I'm waiting for the DVD release (even you, dear Boozehound, can't energize me to the point of being willing to drive 2-3 hours to a major metropolitan area just for the sake of a movie).

Thanks for one other image, too: Wild Turkey...in my pants.


Dear godtopus, Che, didn't you see The English Patient? KST gets so nekkid she melted my face, plus it's a fantastic epic film. Some hereabouts will scoff at my saying so, but that's a Pajiba/Boozehound controversy for another day. tb

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 12:05 PM

I was super excited to see that Athens Cine has this on the roster for August, but concerned that I'm running out of month and have enormous projects/responsibilities in the waning days (i.e. kickoff in 8 days, bitches). I will make time for this.

And the good news is there's no need to sneak anything! The theatre has a full bar and tapas menu. Sometimes I love my town.

Posted by: feramones at August 22, 2008 12:21 PM

WER-HER-HERD!!

I love where I live. Beer at the fine arts theater! Woo! YAY half day Fridays!!!!

Ahem. Word.

Posted by: boo at August 22, 2008 12:22 PM

May I also comment that I sort of hate it when Boozehound likes a film. It makes the review far too civilized and robs me of the drunken rant that helps me to by-pass the mid-Friday morning slump.


Grumpy Bear is more fun to write, too, but Tell No One grabbed me by the balls and squeezed all the snark out. And that stings. tb

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 22, 2008 12:23 PM

I stopped reading your review for same reason contained in first comment BUT really enjoy your writing. Today, first time, I noticed your email address--yes.


I was careful about the spoilers. If you want to be taken completely by surprise, then it makes sense to skip the review for now, but my plot outline just contains the top-level teasers, and I don't think I included any of the reveals in the second hour. tb

Posted by: NeoCleo at August 22, 2008 12:24 PM

I also skimmed the plot details after reading enough to get a sense of what the movie was about. I trust, TB, that you're not including spoilers, but when I know I'm interested in seeing a movie, especially one with such a complex and twisting plot as this seems to have, I prefer to go in the dark as much as possible.

Now, to truly replicate the experience that led you to write this fantastic review I'm going to need to figure out a way to cram a pint into my crotch...

I guess the zucchini's going to have to go just this one time...

Posted by: Macafee at August 22, 2008 12:29 PM

"Wild Turkey...in my pants"

Heehee, nice one Che!

I know what you mean, PaddyDog; it seems to me that it's been quite a while since we've had a good alco-rant. Somebody get this man to a crummy, bitchable movie, stat! (House Bunny, anyone?)

Posted by: MO(meaux) at August 22, 2008 12:30 PM

Mmmmm, sounds classy, I'll try to slip it in between my planned weekend viewing of the Special Edition of Beerfest and my DVRed episodes of the Big Joe Polka Show.


There's a cool chase scene. And shooting. And talking smack with French thugs. Plus rear nudity and side boob. tb

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 22, 2008 12:32 PM

Seriously Che, I may like the dudes, but one of the few reasons I was able to sit through The English Patient was that a naked Kristin Scott Thomas is sit on your face gorgeous. There's a scene where she's lounging in the bathtub, and it's just so elegant and erotic.


Guh, she is just amazing in that scene, and it ties beautifully to the opening shot of the desert whooshing by under an airplane, where it appears that the rolling sand is the surface of a woman's body. That's one of the most striking image bridges I've seen in a movie. tb

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 12:37 PM

Hmmm! Kristin Scott Thomas and Patricia Clarkson. Anyone else get the idea that Boozhound is all about cheek bones?

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 22, 2008 12:46 PM

That WAS a remarkable scene, I may have to give The English Patient another chance.

Paddy, I think Socalled likes women who glow...KST and Clarkson are two actresses who always seem to shine from within. Like a fallen star!

::needs to stop rewatching Stardust::

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 12:51 PM

I've drunk it with at least 20 other liquids, including my own vomit

DEAR. GODTOPUS. This brings up memories that are much, much better left alone to wither and die in the darkest recesses of my liquor-addled brain. They usually involve tequila rather than bourbon, though, including one very unfortunate circumstance where said substances escaped out of an oriface (orifaces?) they definitely aren't supposed to.

Ok, back to reading the review...

Posted by: thejodester at August 22, 2008 12:53 PM

Watched this about a month ago (being a Brit has its occasional advantages), and I can heartily agree with TB's recommendation - this whole tale unfolds with a grace and elegance rarely seen these days.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at August 22, 2008 1:39 PM

With piercing eyes and a profound scowl, Cluzet inhabits every moment of every frame he's in, speaking in short bursts or simply remaining silent, yet filling his scenes with a magnetism of grief, turning to bewilderment, turning to grim determination.

I love you, socalled

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 22, 2008 1:53 PM

Brother, you had me at "hot lesbian"... You had me right then and there...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at August 22, 2008 1:58 PM

As I was walking past the local independent theatre last night, I saw a poster for this movie, and thought to myself, "I know nothing about this movie. It looks like a thriller. I wonder if it's good?" And now I know. I have emailed the review to the Main Squeeze and suggested we see it--maybe even this evening.

What a perfectly-timed review! Thanks socalled.

Posted by: tamatha at August 22, 2008 2:09 PM

Actually, if all such reviews could be timed to when they finally show up at my local theatre, that would be soooo helpful.

Posted by: tamatha at August 22, 2008 2:10 PM

Is this movie based on the book of the same name by Harlan Coben? The book was pretty damn good from what I remember.

Posted by: sweetpea at August 22, 2008 2:26 PM

Blah, blah, blah, glug, glug, glug, blah. When are we gonna see a review for a film "the people" are interested in?

Like Tokyo Gore Police or Machine Girl?

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at August 22, 2008 2:38 PM

This film sounds fantastic, but...
Accepting warm whiskey and cigarette smoke from Kristin Scott Thomas's mouth

EW EW EW *barf*
It doesn't matter how hot the person is, I despise kissing smokers. Nasty. Not a big fan of whiskey, either, but the nasty cancerous smoke would just make me heave.

Posted by: Jessica at August 22, 2008 2:44 PM

Nasty. Not a big fan of whiskey, either, but the nasty cancerous smoke would just make me heave.

Posted by: Jessica at August 22, 2008 2:44 PM

------------------------------------------------

Sounds to me like you've never been with a real man...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 22, 2008 2:46 PM

Machine Girl

Seconded.

Sounds to me like you've never been with a real man...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 22, 2008 2:46 PM

Also seconded.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 22, 2008 2:51 PM

Meh, penises are overrated.

Posted by: Jessica at August 22, 2008 2:52 PM

Crazy! That's crazy talk! :)

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 2:55 PM

Dear godtopus, Che, didn't you see The English Patient?

Nope, tb, that film -- and many others, I've heard -- occurred during my rugrat rearing (or "lost") years. If I devoted myself to doing nothing but catching up on my to-read and to-view piles I would spend years in the effort...and then all I'd be is cross-eyed (and only marginally better prepared to be a critic).

And you didn't capitalize Godtopus, you insolent sot.

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 2:59 PM

You tell her, Julie! Penises are awesome.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 22, 2008 3:00 PM

Meh, penises are overrated.

Posted by: Jessica at August 22, 2008 2:52 PM

Hot pockets, on the other hand, are delicious.

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 3:00 PM

Meh, penises are overrated.

Sounds to me like you've never been with a black man...

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 3:01 PM

Candy is dandy but penis is delischweenis.

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 3:03 PM

Hot pockets, on the other hand, are delicious.

This is the Godtopus-blessed truth.

I>Sounds to me like you've never been with a black man...

Ouch. And there goes my ego again...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 22, 2008 3:06 PM

Oh look, the comments went dirty.

Look at my shocked face.

And look...."hot pocket" was fine. It existed on its own, and I could maintain a realistic visual. Now it's been pluralized. Now I'm thinking of Jim Gaffigan and gastric regret and "How is it prepared?" "It is cooked in a dirty microwave, sir". "Ah, good. Is it cold on the inside?" "It's frozen, sir"

I'm gonna have to go with Mella's "vagooter" over on the other page now. "Hot pocket"'s ruined!! And so is my mind and ardor!

(jM timed that for when the bottle hit my lips. That was a very hard test of self control)

Posted by: Jay at August 22, 2008 3:06 PM

My favorite Pajiban euphamisn for enjoying the lovely lady parts is still jM's "Kneel before Zod."

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 3:12 PM

Awww, Shadows. I'm an equal opportunity employer. As they say in track, it's not all about the javelin...or the pole vault...or the baton. Damn I been watching the Olympics a lot.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 3:15 PM

jM: ...the pummel horse? :cackles:

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 3:17 PM

Oh but that just sounds so unfriendly and like it's something requiring duress.

I was all ready to go until y'all got bossy. I'm gonna fold my arms now!

Posted by: Jay at August 22, 2008 3:17 PM

Despite the level of detail provided, those aren't spoilers, though I was concerned they might be perceived as such; trust me, I only scratched the surface to provide some flava. tb

I didn't take them as spoilers at all - I just like the surprise of seeing events unfold before I read in-depth reviews.

Posted by: Cindy at August 22, 2008 3:19 PM

Trouble: This movie played at the Enzian last week. Are you not near the Enzian?

Posted by: BWeaves at August 22, 2008 3:23 PM

jM: ...the pummel horse? :cackles:

I thought my computer needed to be watched today. Thank you.

I'm gonna fold my arms now!

Jay, I like it when you put up a fight.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 3:23 PM

Paul, I think I told ya. I'm a lover, not a fighter!

Posted by: Jay at August 22, 2008 3:25 PM

totally off topic for the second time today (I know, I know), but here's a little something for jM:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16563_20-ideas-making-olympics-kick-way-more-ass.html

Look at #4. I'll just say pandas are involved.

Posted by: thejodester at August 22, 2008 3:26 PM

"Oh God."
"ZOD!!"

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 3:26 PM

BWeaves, damn! I missed it by a week! Now they're playing Kabluey. I love that theatre too!

Posted by: Trouble at August 22, 2008 3:35 PM

See! I knew I wasn't alone. Pandas are extreme athletic and agile and they smell like a dewy meadow...so I read online.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 3:36 PM

Imagining jM intoning, "It is I, Zod!"...

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 3:37 PM

Jay--I'm with you. Although I enjoyed the hot pocket reference when it was first made by Shane, I still have that Jim Gaffigan routine running through my head every time I read "hot pocket." Especially the way he sing-songs the words "hot pocket!" At least I get a giggle out of it.

Posted by: tamatha at August 22, 2008 3:39 PM

Yeah, don't make me feel like Flick on the flagpole, I'm already in euphemistic distress!


Chani! Chani! I can't see the Y! All I see is the frozen foods section! And darkness!

Posted by: Jay at August 22, 2008 3:41 PM

Penises are wha...!?!

I'm so sad, now... overrated? How can one look at something so beautiful and smooth and silky and delightful and say, "Meh"? I mean, the way they just fit so perfectly into a hot pocket (or vagooter, if you prefer, which I kind of love, btw).... the way the skin changes texture, color, temperature... just.. I.. it's like nature's perfect fruit, man!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 22, 2008 3:43 PM

Boozer, I haven't been this excited about a movie since right before TDK, but wow, that was a great review! I so wish this was playing in Austin!

Posted by: Stella at August 22, 2008 3:49 PM

Imagining jM intoning, "It is I, Zod!"...

Yeah. Imagine. Because I have definitely never ever done that. Nope. Not once.

[whistles innocently]

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 3:49 PM

{reads Anna's post...drools...} You're such a tease, Anna...but...umm...I happen to have some fruit over here that would go perfectly with your bowl....

I love "kneel before Zod"! I may suggest that to Miss Dakaron...as a geeky kinky diversion. Mmmm...geeky kinky diversion...Princess Leia slave outfit...

Oh...I didn't weigh in. This sounds like such a fantastic movie it may very well be elevated in status above Serenity...maybe...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 22, 2008 3:53 PM

Shadows:

*HI FIVE*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 22, 2008 3:56 PM

Honestly, even with the association to Jim Gaffigan's nasty microwaved sagbag nemesis filled with processed plastic and the excrement of angry lawn gnomes, "hot pocket" is still better than many euphemisms for girly bits. The one that skeeves me out the most, for example, is "cooter". It sounds like, at best, a rabid forest-dwelling animal that might eat your face off, which is a bit aggressive, even for me. Or worse, it sounds like some sort of hillbilly skin condition, like chiggers, which... ew. Ew ew ickypoo. Guh-ross.

Posted by: Sarina at August 22, 2008 3:56 PM

the way the skin changes texture, color, temperature

Heeeeeee...oh but how it does. Fascinating, them menfolk parts.

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 3:59 PM

It sounds like, at best, a rabid forest-dwelling animal that might eat your face off

Ha ha ha! Like Fizzgig from Dark Crystal...IN YOUR PANTS.

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 4:01 PM

Sarina, what the FUCK is chiggers!? Wait, do I want to know? I'm not sure if I want to know.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 4:04 PM

Chiggers are tiny mites that live outdoors and bite your ass. Nom nom nom.

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 4:08 PM

Oh, that's nearly as bad as what I was imagining.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 4:13 PM

You have effectively quelled any residual sense of erotic foreshadowing this post was degenerating towards. I'm leaving, dick in hand.

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

(By the way, Sarina, I've always hated "clam" or bearded clam" myself)

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at August 22, 2008 4:14 PM

Chiggers are a member of the same family as ticks, they're just smaller. They actually only feed on cold-blooded creatures, but they'll at least try to feed on anything. They do this by inserting a proboscis into your pore or hair follicle; once they realize they can't feed on you, they lose the proboscis and peace out. You're left with a piece of a microscopic parasite in your leg (or ass, or foot, or [insert body part here], which promptly gets infected, causing it to ooze pus and itch like crazy. Good times. Chiggers freak me out.

Posted by: thejodester at August 22, 2008 4:16 PM

jM, it's like Julie said - chiggers are mites that are bitey and itchy-like, causing inflammation and sores .

Sexxxxy!

Posted by: Sarina at August 22, 2008 4:18 PM

That's not sexy at all!! Ugh. I have the chigger shivers now, thank you very much. Eurghughglargh.

P.s. I agree with Shadows, "bearded clam" is one I've never been fond of. Honestly, I've never liked "pussy" either. I do have to admit, I find "cooter" slightly hilarious. Like some kind of redneck vagina. Probably because it never caused me to think of chiggers. Eurghughglargh.

P.p.s. Shadows, my bowl awaits your tempting fruit... oh, nevermind. You're right, it's just gone.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at August 22, 2008 4:24 PM

This movie is so good, alcohol is NOT needed to appreciate it!

Posted by: Adam C at August 22, 2008 4:27 PM

RE: chiggers

When you mentioned hillbillies I thought it might be some weird disease you'd get from eating possum. Then I thought it might be a racial slur they use for half Chinese half Black people. Then I laughed. Then I hit myself for laughing at that. Then I laughed again.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 4:40 PM

Candy is dandy but penis is delischweenis.

Julie, I love you.

Che, for a nice little taste of Kristin Scott Thomas, I would recommend checking her out in The Valet, she is the best scheming wife and it is just gorgeous listening to her talk in French. (also, generally a cute movie, but she just makes it)

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at August 22, 2008 4:40 PM

Then I thought it might be a racial slur they use for half Chinese half Black people.

jM, I am never going to stop laughing at that. Oh. My. GOD.

Posted by: Julie at August 22, 2008 4:43 PM

Then I thought it might be a racial slur they use for half Chinese half Black people. Then I laughed. Then I hit myself for laughing at that. Then I laughed again.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 4:40 PM

Are you already drunk, jM?

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 22, 2008 4:44 PM

"Then I thought it might be a racial slur they use for half Chinese half Black people. Then I laughed. Then I hit myself for laughing at that. Then I laughed again."

Oh, dear. Now I'm doing the same, and at some point I'm going to get a concussion and probably vomit on the carpet and pass out, and WHO'S GOING TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS? HUH jM? WHO?

Posted by: Sarina at August 22, 2008 4:46 PM

Are you already drunk, jM?

Afraid not. This is just what it's like in my head all the time. The pandas...they're screaming.

Posted by: jM at August 22, 2008 4:53 PM

Meh, penises are overrated.
Posted by: Jessica at August 22, 2008 2:52 PM

Depends on the penis.

Posted by: ncnn at August 22, 2008 10:18 PM

Mine's sacrilicious.

Posted by: popejenn at August 23, 2008 10:34 AM

Mine's sacrilicious.

Posted by: popejenn at August 23, 2008 10:34 AM

So are you a fan of the Supersuckers, popejenn, or do you just have a masterfully mixable sense of words? Either way, this response is a warm, gooey 7-layer dip of nuance and meaning.

Are we talking extraordinarily nut-sacrilicious?

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 23, 2008 11:55 AM

Would we talk any other way in regards to nut sacks?

I am a late-comer fan of Supersuckers, but a fan none-the-less. I don't have the verbal acrobatics to come up with such eloquence on my own.

Posted by: popejenn at August 23, 2008 12:38 PM

May your papacy run in perpetuity, popejenn! I'm all for a pope who can pop off "sacrilicious"...

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 23, 2008 12:57 PM

I thank you profusely for your well wishes, Che.

Now, if only I could learn html tags without looking like a total fool, my papacy would become completely legitimized.

Posted by: popejenn at August 23, 2008 1:33 PM

HTML tags for the pope(jenn):

Letters surrounded by less-than (<) and greater-than (>) signs are instructions to your browser. Certain characters placed between pairs of these signs will cause your text to be formatted the way you indicate; the whole sequence is referred to as a "tag". NOTE: The characters I just included were not entered literally; once you type a less-than sign the browser starts looking for instructions.

Here are examples (for tutorial purposes and suitable for cut-and-paste):

bold: <b>bold</b>

italic: <i>italic</i>

strikethrough: <strike>strikethrough</strike>

This should get you started (this is the technical writer in me kicking into gear). I figure it can't hurt to stay on the good side of a pope...

Posted by: Che Grovera at August 23, 2008 5:11 PM

Ooh, I didn't know how to "strikethrough" before. Thank you, Grover Che Grovera!

Posted by: MO(meaux) at August 23, 2008 8:20 PM

INCREDIBLE!
I was this close to having it figured out on my own! However I was putting the / in both instruction sets... *ooooooohhhhh* the agony of defeat by simple computer programming.

In return for your kindness, I shall put in a good word for you with the G to the OD. He and I are on the outs right now, but when he fully recognizes the Hot Pocket Papacy, things will be back in full swing.

Thanks a million, Che.

Check out my awesome skillz.

Posted by: popejenn at August 23, 2008 8:22 PM

"Hot Pocket Papacy"--sacrelicious indeed! Love it, popejenn!

Posted by: MO(meaux) at August 23, 2008 8:46 PM

That said, Cluzet is a revelation as Alex, owning the film.

After seeing and digesting this wonderful film, this is what I came away with. Cluzet was phenomenal. I loved the emotions and highs and lows I felt along side Alex throughout. The soundtrack was utterly perfect - especially the U2 as Alex ran to the phone bank and my heart was racing along with his. The chase was insane. I was held rapt the entire journey. I felt almost exhausted - in a good way - at the end.

Posted by: Cindy at August 23, 2008 9:00 PM

This movie sounds like a must see! And what is it with that wonderful breed of British actresses like KST, Emma Thompson and of course Helen Mirren who are not only masters of their craft but also funny, eloquent women who make aging look like the sexiest thing since midnight skinny dipping in the ocean with the spitting image of Michelangelo's David who also happends to speak with a South African accent and not getting mauled by giant white sharks in the proces.

... I forget where I was going with this ...

Oh yeah, that those British forty and over actresses rock with the passion of a million Dustin-man-crushes-on-Ryan-Reynolds.

Also you Pajibans are a mighty horny bunch! My word, I haven't seen this much genital meat slinging since my high schools' bathroom wall. Love it!

Personally I am a great admirer of the mighty cock and I do not think it is overrated one bit, but I have found that if it is advertised to heavily by its owner, it is probably not that impressive...

Posted by: Pants at August 25, 2008 12:24 PM

I saw this over the weekend, prompted entirely by your loving review. It lived up to your praises. Just wanted to thank you for pointing me in the direction of a good movie that I otherwise probably would not have seen, given that I hadn't even heard of it. So, thanks!

Posted by: jess at August 25, 2008 12:36 PM

This movie was excellent. It is one that I have to see again, because I was so caught up in the story that I didn't pay enough attention to the rest of the production.

A good director = an invisible director. You couldn't see a trace of him in the movie. It truly lived on its own.

And a big amen to the soundtrack.

Penises are awesome. As are vaginas.

Posted by: boo at August 25, 2008 1:31 PM

I am pretty surprised by this review, honestly. While it certainly is a good enough story, it's really hard to credit it as highly as the reviewer did here, given that the resolution of the plot twists is left to an excruciatingly long-winded monologue, rather than through the agency of cinema. I mean, OK, it's certainly one way to tie up the plot ends, but it's not a particularly elegant mechanism -- particularly for a movie that really started to drag at this point. Yes, nice work with a pedestrian Harlan Coben novel, but I would really not put this one in any top 10 list.

Posted by: furd at August 25, 2008 1:50 PM

I'm just fascinated that a mainstream American mystery writer got turned into an imported art house movie which probably wouldn't be seen or noticed by many readers. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, just intriguingly odd.

Posted by: Jay at August 25, 2008 1:58 PM

Was my first deeply insightful comment about François Cluzet deleted ? Oh well..

Boo > think about it as if it were a greek chorus... I didn't mind it actually, french movies tend to focuse on dialogues and description rather than action (even if it can get dull REALLY fast).
It's the same difference between french and american literature.
Balzac can spend 10 pages describing a house, 20 pages transcripting a dialogue. It can get boring, but it's another way of conveying action.

Posted by: Nora at August 25, 2008 3:18 PM

I'm posting the first one again. I just never give up :

That's a blast from the past... I saw this movie two years ago
(in all fairness, I'm french) and I was elated to see he was still
a great actor, after seeing him in movies like this one :
http://films.blog.lemonde.fr/files/franceboutique.jpg. Let me tell you he hasn't been doing so good lately.
But he was also great in l'Ete meurtrier, and he was to Claude Chabrol what Scarlett Johansson is to Woody Allen
(sans the huge rack and the vacant stare)
, so he's been in my heart for a long time.

And by the way, you have to hand it to Guillaume Canet for making a french thriller that doesn't fall flat...
I have seen my share of thrillers involving french comedians and dull dialogues (I know some of you think we are rude ,
but try finding a French movie without a thousand "bonjour" "ca va?" "désolé". Just TRY. I basically live in a theater
and I have yet to see that happening).

Posted by: Nora at August 25, 2008 3:21 PM

lovely review. SO glad you wrote it up and are getting the word out. in response to Jay, Harlen Coben is quite popular in France- his books are widely translated there. i saw the start of this movie on a flight home from paris almost 2 yrs ago. the plane landed -and screen went blank- right around the time the good doc fled his exam room. TORTUROUS! i was so lost that i went and read the book to sate myself 'til it finally made its way over here. i would not recommend reading it ("desperate times..."). it's one of those rare occasions where the movie's better than the book. still, Harlen Coben's storytelling makes for an excellent movie in the right film-making hands.

Posted by: sophie at August 25, 2008 4:12 PM

Ted, I love your reviews, but this one had too many spoilers. Hints, maybe.. kinda (cringe)

Posted by: tallualch at January 18, 2009 12:21 PM

Ted, I love your reviews, but this one had a tad too many spoilers. Hints, maybe ... (cringe)

Posted by: tallulahc at January 18, 2009 12:22 PM