soul-men_l.jpg
What a ***** *****ing Movie

Soul Men / Dustin Rowles

Film Reviews | November 7, 2008 | Comments (39)


I liked Bernie Mac. And I’m not just saying that because the man is dead. He played the exact same character in everything he was ever in, but that character was usually the best part of whatever it was. I watched “The Bernie Mac Show” far more than the material warranted because there was a certain, amusing, socio-economic familiarity to Mac’s soft-hearted cantankerousness. Hey! I got spankings, too! But like Chris Rock, with whom he starred in Head of State, there just haven’t been any scripts to match the talent of Mac. Certain comics excel on the stage, but that brand of humor often doesn’t translate well onscreen, and the only thing that ever came close to it for Mac was the asides he made to the camera on his long-running television show.

There’s a double dose of bittersweetness in watching Soul Men because not only does it star Mac in what will be his second-to-last movie role (he’s also a voice in Madagascar 2, also opening this weekend, and later a member of the Old Dogs cast, a sequel to the atrocious Wild Hogs), but because it’s the last role for Isaac Hayes, too, who has an extended cameo in the movie. Unfortunately, the bittersweet ache of watching two men who died tragically early is exacerbated by the sadness in knowing that Soul Men will be among their final contributions. I never saw Canadian Bacon, Wagon’s East or Almost Heroes because I didn’t want my lasting memories of John Candy and Chris Farley to be associated with those movies, and for fans of Bernie Mac, I might suggest doing the same here. You’re better off re-watching The Original Kings of Comedy and ignoring the existence of Soul Men all together.

But I’m not one to speak ill of the dead, so I can’t write that Soul Men is a ********* comedy full of ********* ****** ***** ************ to ********** involved. It’s **********. Hell, it’s probably one of the ****** movies of the year. And it’s a ****** that the Weinstein Brothers didn’t have the class to ***** ** along with the remains of Bernie Mac instead of subjecting audiences to these ******* memories.

In Soul Men, Bernie Mac and Samuel Jackson play Floyd Henderson and Louis Hinds respectively, two Pip-like members of an successful R&B group, Marcus Hooks and the Real Deal. However, once Marcus Hooks (John Legend) decided to go solo, the Real Deal was left to fend for themselves up and until a crash-and-burn career and an acrimonious split in 1979. Floyd went on to become a successful car-wash salesman while Floyd did some bits in prison for armed robbery. In the present day, Marcus Hooks has died, his body is being transported to Radio City Music Hall for a massive televised tribute, and Floyd and Louis are asked to reunite for one final performance. Despite the fact that they still loathe one another, Louis — in an attempt to liven up his retirement years — coaxes Floyd to do the tribute. Floyd, naturally, doesn’t fly, so the two do what people in road-trip movie must do: They drive across country in a shiny car.

The movie travels the well-worn path exactly as you’d imagine a ******** movie would travel. There is lots of cursing, lots of ***** jokes about old women and Viagra and broken hips. It’s all very ********* and ********. It’s a lot like The Blues Brothers plus Planes, Trains, and Automobiles crossed with Grumpy Old Men except, you know, it’s *** **** *****. They bicker, they squabble over decades-long grudges, they have a run in with the cops, and they deliver ****** Motown puns. And if you’ve ever seen a road-trip movie, you know exactly how Soul Men ends. *****, it is ******* a fitting tribute to Marcus Hook or to Bernie Mac.

Granted, there are a few fleeting moments where both Bernie Mac and Samuel Jackson transcend the ****y material they’re given, probably because they toss away Robert Ramsey and Mathew Stone’s ******* script and just riff off one another. It’s then when the two look comfortable, at ease with one another, and genuinely funny. Bernie Mac is at his best when he can just unload bile and invective, and Sam Jackson — for all his talent — is still at the top of his game when he’s delivering profanities (save for Morgan Freeman, no one says motherfucker better than Jackson). There is enough of that in Soul Men to make it occasionally tolerable, but ***** ********** *** ******* **** *****!

I’ll also say this: It’s a good natured film. ******, but earnest as hell. And as ******* as the material is, it’s one of Bernie Mac’s better performances. And though it probably has a lot to do with the fact that Mac has passed on, the ending is strangely. powerfully touching. Indeed, the pall that follows you out of the theater is almost enough to make you forget about the ***** **** **** ******** that you just watched.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives withi his wife and son in Portland, Maine You can reach him via email, or leave a comment below.


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Comments

I'll just pretend this doesn't exist.

Soul Men WAT'sDAT!?!?!? ah?

Why am I on this thread anyway?

Why am I still TALKIN'!?!?!?!?!?!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 7, 2008 3:34 PM

I'm just going to pop in my DVD of The Kings of Comedy and watch Mac talk about disciplining children and the many uses of the word "motherfucker." I miss you, Mac.

Posted by: Nicole at November 7, 2008 3:36 PM

You'll get the full unrated version when the film comes to DVD.

Posted by: csb at November 7, 2008 3:46 PM

Actually, waiting for the unrated version is unnecessary. All the asterisks really say BUTTHOLE.

Posted by: csb at November 7, 2008 3:47 PM

Is this a game? Do we get to fill in all the blanks? Like MadLibs?

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 7, 2008 3:50 PM

A ******* review.

RIP Mac.

Posted by: Macafee at November 7, 2008 4:03 PM

I'm with lizzie. Do the number of *'s actually correspond to the number of letters in the words? I love a good riddle.

Posted by: branded at November 7, 2008 4:10 PM

Mike check 1,2,1,2. Mike check 1,2,1,2.

Dustin Rowles on restrain.

lol.

Posted by: Jean at November 7, 2008 4:14 PM

HEY! I liked Canadian Bacon.

It's absurd, stupid, over-the-top, and I believe it was written and/or directed by a blowhard not to be named. But it gives me both the warm fuzzies and the chuckles.

And yeah, I'm trying my damnedest to remember that Bernie Mac left us with Bad Santa, and forget the existence of this steaming load.

Posted by: antoinette jeanine at November 7, 2008 4:31 PM

This review is effing AWESOME if you replace every instance of ********** with butthole.

Posted by: PissBoy at November 7, 2008 4:35 PM

*

Posted by: figgy at November 7, 2008 4:53 PM

(that's supposed to be a butthole)

Posted by: figgy at November 7, 2008 4:57 PM

Awesome Vonnegut, figgy.

Also:
"Floyd went on to become a successful car-wash salesman while Floyd did some bits in prison for armed robbery."
Um. I don't recall any other mentions of split-personality disorder in this review...

Or is Soul Men a whole heck of a lot more interesting than we were previously led to believe?

Posted by: dsbs at November 7, 2008 5:03 PM

Dude, Canadian Bacon is actually pretty funny.

And you know when I say that about a Michael Moore movie, I fucking mean it.

Posted by: Eep at November 7, 2008 5:06 PM

Fuck You, Rowles.
That shit is annoying.

Posted by: tommytimp at November 7, 2008 5:09 PM

(*)
Y

That's a butthole, Figgy. :-)

Posted by: Uncle JR at November 7, 2008 5:15 PM

I want to play!
The movie travels the well-worn path exactly as you'd imagine a CREAMPIE movie would travel. There is lots of cursing, lots of DUSTIN jokes about old women and Viagra and broken hips. It's all very PETRIFIED and COCKSUCK. It's a lot like The Blues Brothers plus Planes, Trains, and Automobiles crossed with Grumpy Old Men except, you know, it's ASS JIZZ PARTY. They bicker, they squabble over decades-long grudges, they have a run in with the cops, and they deliver PIZZAS Motown puns. And if you've ever seen a road-trip movie, you know exactly how Soul Men ends. YATZI, it is DICKING a fitting tribute to Marcus Hook or to Bernie Mac.

Posted by: JP at November 7, 2008 5:20 PM

John Legend is in this?! That might be worth the ticket price for me.

Posted by: Amanda at November 7, 2008 5:23 PM

That's a single buttock butthole, Uncle JR!.

I think it would be like this:

(_*_)

I can't believe I just did that.

Posted by: figgy at November 7, 2008 6:14 PM

I have a sad feeling this thread is already way funnier than the movie.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 7, 2008 6:56 PM

Average: o======>


Slim: 0===================================>

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 7, 2008 7:05 PM

(_ * _)
/ * \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \

wait, so what's this?

Posted by: JP at November 7, 2008 7:10 PM

Wow, I never thought that the last thing they would leave behind would be so sad. It's almost like you want to ressurect Mac and Hayes, and give them some decent material to work with.

Posted by: George at November 7, 2008 7:11 PM

Shit. My masterpiece was ruined.

Posted by: JP at November 7, 2008 7:12 PM

Shit. My masterpiece was ruined.

Posted by: JP at November 7, 2008 7:12 PM
---------------------------------------------


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA another victim of Rowles' cheap ass, non-formatting software!

Seriously, did you get free toaster with this too?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 7, 2008 7:14 PM

Bummer.

Posted by: Cindy at November 7, 2008 7:47 PM

Thanks for the ************* review, Dustin.

Great madlib too, JP.

Posted by: Dr Spaceman at November 7, 2008 9:57 PM

Slim, that small?

You poor thing!

Posted by: figgy at November 8, 2008 1:16 AM

Hahahaha JP. Points for effort!

(.)(.)

Posted by: figgy at November 8, 2008 1:23 AM

figgy, you clearly have a gift for drawing sex organs. I am so jealous.

Slim, Dustin used up his tech budget on that Pam Anderson pic. DUSTIN, time to sell more t-shirts you cheapo, commie bastard. Keeping grown men from drawing boobies on your site is unpatriotic and defacto censorship.

And Dr. Spaceman, I spent way to much time making sure to use words that fit the character spaces Dustin provided. I should have just followed figgy's lead and drew bums and boobies in those spaces.

Posted by: JP at November 8, 2008 2:13 AM

The movie have lot of things in past. Including the sweet memories of Real Deal it shows and grows with the confident of the black actors two masters of comedy Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac they make a hilarious come back. From the moment it shows on http://www.80millionmoviesfree.com saw it because I know it is not easy to get tickets to hot movies like this.

Posted by: poshed at November 8, 2008 7:19 AM

I know y'all have to keep the lights burning, but seriously: If there is ANY WAY you can get rid of those stupid Zwonky or Zwiggy or Zwinky ads please do. Mrs. Daddy saw one over my shoulder the other day and was all WTF? And I don't NEED these hassles in my life, don't you know what's happening out there? It's SERIOUS man! I mean, I might have to start drinking cheaper beer, THAT'S how serious.

Though Yuengling is still pretty good ...

figgy, That's MAGIC. srsly.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 8, 2008 11:09 AM

Hee. I'm so proud of myself. *sniff*

You know there's this awesome Add-on for Firefox called "NoScript", and basically you can set it so that it doesn't show you any javascript embedded in a site that you don't want to see. Blocks every obnoxious ad around. It can also block videos and music from playing on their own when you go to a site, and if you want to see a video you just set it so it'll allow javascript temporarily. Really speeds things up and blocks out obnoxious ads so you don't even know they're there.

*END PSA*

Posted by: figgy at November 8, 2008 12:32 PM

figgy, Thanks, but you haven't seen my PC. It came with a hammer and chisel.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 8, 2008 6:21 PM

haha...and an abacus?

Posted by: figgy at November 8, 2008 6:38 PM

Nah, it's not that sophisticated. The calculator is a box of beans.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 8, 2008 10:41 PM

A box of beans? - I'm so jealous. You must have gotten the microsoft upgrade. That would be so much lighter than the bag of rocks mine came with.

Posted by: hersheygirl at November 9, 2008 10:33 AM

Black folks are vindicated with the past election.

Posted by: p.a.j. at November 9, 2008 8:10 PM

I see your point, but ultimately me likey (don't exactly know why).

Posted by: invisiblewoman at November 13, 2008 8:12 PM





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