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So I Watched Jean Claude Van Damme’s Straight-to-Streaming Movie, 'The Bouncer'

By Kate Hudson | Film | February 14, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Film | February 14, 2019 |


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Ok, first off, before we get into any of this you have to know that The Bouncer, which I’m pretty sure is a straight-to-streaming movie, is primarily in the French language. I am not ashamed to tell you I was ticked off when I realized that fact after already having spent the $3.99 to rent this from Amazon. At the end of a long day, the last thing you want to do is have to pay attention to a movie and read subtitles if you really only came to watch Jean Claude Van Damme kick people while “Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!” is softly chanted in your head throughout the process.

via GIPHY

I am happy to report that The Bouncer doesn’t have a lot of dialogue—and it does have some English spoken so you can scroll through social media during those scenes, and yes—there’s some kicking had.

What is the movie about? I’m glad you didn’t ask.

Jean Claude Van Damme is a bouncer(I mean, obviously) and he gets into shenanigans. Some of which revolve around not being able to afford his daughter’s private school. (Since this movie takes place in Europe, there’s social systems set up to cover every other need, so I guess this is the most pressing type of situation possible. Obviously if this took place in America, he would have to worry about housing, food, and keeping the utilities turned on. Ain’t America grand?!) There are other shenanigans, but we can pretend I won’t tell you because of spoilers and not because I wasn’t really paying attention. The plot was solid for an action movie, although it was no Con Air.

The ending caught me by surprise, though, which was a twist for me, personally. It may have been forecasted a lot, but at some point I got really interested in something else going on outside of the movie and I didn’t pause it and I missed some expository dialogue that could have completely signaled the entire thing. I don’t know, and let’s be honest, who cares? That’s not why you watch a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. (If you are concerned about spoilers and the twist, don’t go watch the trailer on YouTube, because for some reason, the entire ending is on there, and yeah. Odd choice.)

Here’s why you came—does Jean Claude Van Damme kick people and/or things?

via GIPHY

Duh. Of course he does. The best scene in the movie is when a white dude with cornrows (who speaks English, so you know he’s bad news) leads Jean Claude Van Damme down to a basement for a job interview. Once he’s there, there’s like 6 other dudes and Corn Rows tells them they have to fight and whoever wins gets the job. So they fight. It’s pretty good.

via GIPHY

Tell me you don’t want to watch that movie?

There’s some other good fight scenes, and the movie is only an hour and a half long, so they definitely understood how long the premise about a Bouncer and hijinks can stretch.

Do I regret renting this for $3.99?

Nope. It was a worthy investment.

Do I recommend you do the same?

I mean, sure. Here’s the deal, unless you understand French and English, I don’t recommend this as a hangover movie you can doze to on the couch (for that friends, Bloodspot is always the recommendation in the Jean Claude Van Damme oeuvre) but if you’re looking for a mindless movie that you’re willing to pay attention to, yet not devote any brain cells towards, this is a worthy venture and you’ll probably be entertained as long as you’ve made peace with the fact you’re watching a straight-to-streaming Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

You deffo don’t need to spend the extra dollar to get it in HD, though. That’s just bananas. Save that dollar for the dollar taco menu where it can be put to better use.

You can rent The Bouncer on basically any streaming service, now. So do it if you want to. Or not. Your life will probably stay the same either way.



Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.



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